In 90 Days
by kimsooyeon123
Summary: Full credit to: TiniBean from asianfanfic Link: aff . c o m/story/view/1235017/in-90-days-angst-drama-fluff-genderbender-romance-snsd-taeny-taeyeon-tiffany
1. Let's Begin

Kim Taeyeon

If I could break my leg somehow, maybe I could go home and flake out this stupid dinner party. Not even the world's most powerful leaders or the beautiful exotic women that surrounded me constantly could keep me grounded in this place.

I'm so close to just falling asleep and dying of boredom. I kept swirling the wine in my glass, looking at the spiral I caused in the crysta clear vessel. Looking at the crowd of people was the big ball room filled with tremendous chattering and people who conversed about irrelevant problems till no end. It's not like I cared.

The man in front of was talking about a business relation but everything around me seemed to be on mute as I kept looking at the vortex I caused in the glass in my hand. A waitress with appetizers on her tray walked by me and I grabbed a few off her tray before putting them in my mouth and spitting it out. Pigs in a Blanket at an event like this? Are you kidding me? What a fucking joke. I neve really had the tastebuds for greasy american inspired food although I don't mind a fatburger every now and then. But come on, thats such a sleazy cheap appetizer at a formal event.

I sighed, drinking my wine and contemplating in my big head whether or not I should create a law that bans those types of foods just because I was petty and downright ass. The side of my arm was caressed gently by a lady suggestively, and I wasn't in the mood tonight. I just nodded and gestured her to go fondle some other guy. She pouts and clings on closer to me till I pulled back and shot her a glare.

"Not today, please." I growled still feeling the remnants of hotdogs in my throat.

"Mr. Kim. . ." She whispers sultry in my ear. I rolled my eyes and let go of her arm. I turned of my heel and walked the other way, quickening my pace knowing that she's probably following me behind.

"Hey, lets book it man this fucking place is gross." I nudge Kris with my elbow but he continues talking to a group of girls all over him.

"Nah man, this place is great. These ladies are really something. Am I right ladies?" He asks slyly and they all giggle flirtatiously. I wanted to smack my head on a table, completely done with my ass of a friend.

"We even got the Princess of Spain here with us tonight! Can't leave yet without a little something something." He winks at me and points at a group of women walking towards me.

Welp, time to blast. I weave my way in and out of crowds avoiding that rampage of girls comnig my way. I grabbed another glass of whisky before choosing a seat in the corner of the room and sipping on it slowly still careful to make myself as invisible as I could. Each gulp was the taste of bitter guilt and regrets.

Being one of the worlds most successful business man and entrepreneur should be anyone's dream, but I didn't really find happiness. I hated these events, I hated attending any of these things. I don't need people to tell me constantly about how good of a job I was doing and I don't need to discuss world domination and the corruptness of shady deals and politics.

Maybe seeing through my glass pointed me into the direction of something worth looking at, and I was right. Through the blurry condensation of the glass and warped figure I could see her reflecting from the lights, through the glass and into my vision. I brought the glass down from my eyes and set it on the table.

In the corner of my eye, I see her sitting down at the table fiddling with her fingers as she was starring blankly at the crowd in front of her. She smiled as people passed her but her smile disappeared as they walked away. I was intrigued by this petite woman, she was confident and her smiles showed it. She wasn't like any of the other women in the gala, she didn't try to stand out from the crowd or draw attention to herself. Her petite frame complimented the white dress she wore that had a black bow tied around her waist, which was simple but elegant. Her brown locks overflowed her shoulders and her smile was a warm and kind smile, like a smile that was inviting and cozy. When she did smile though, her eyes would form a crescent shape; an eye smile that was cute and sincere, which made her even more attractive. What was she doing at this gala? Is she accompanied by someone? What does she do for a living? Is she single? Questions flowed into my mind the longer I stare at her. I give off a slight smirk approaching her. She looked up at me and immediately broke away from my gaze.

The wine glass she was holding fell from her hands and everyone's attention diverted to her. She looked around a little stunned and squatted down and was about to reach for the wines stem, but I place my hand gently over her soft nimble ones. She raises from the floor looking at me with concern, but I wrap my hands over here and pull her to the side, pushing aside everyone who's staring and gathering around her. Also leaving that mess to be attended by anyone but her.

From the back of my head I can feel her looking down on the floor embarrassed and blushing. Her hand clenched at mine and tried to pull away but I kept a firm grip on hers, silently loving the way it fit into mine. My heart pumped unexpectedly. It was weird, I don't know what made me sit up and walk to her, but I did.

She pries her hand off of mine and I pull a chair out for here, gesturing for her to sit. She hesitated at first but with another few nudges and a few good smirks she sits.

"Hello" I say extending my hand out giving my most charming smiles that were sure to win over an woman. She looks up at my a little taken back by my approach.

"Hi." she says with some hesitation.

One, two, three. In three seconds I fell in love. I swear to god.

"My names Taeyeon, Kim Taeyeon. Since you caused all that commotion back there I wondered what you were doing at a place like this. You don't seem familiar."

"Oh, um. My friend asked me to accompany her and her husband here." She says.

"Who's your friend?" I ask.

"Choi Sooyoung." She says, still fiddling with her hand. I'm being a little too pushy by the way she's giving me blunt answers, but she's so beautiful and I'm sure to take her home tonight. By taking her home tonight I mean, to get to know her better. You know, to be like her bestfriend or something/

"You're a little clumsy if I say so myself." I had to tease her just a little bit, I wanted to see if she'd kick me and slap me across the face.

"Yeah, I think so too." She whispers, her lips tugging upwards as she kept staring at her hand. Adorable, the cutest ever.

She plays with a ring on her finger spinning it as if it was a way for her to distract herself. I look closely to see if it's on her ring finger; and gratefully it wasn't.

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you." She gives a half smile, she seemed a little lost or broken by the way she looked at my eyes and quickly darted her eyes back at the ring.

"Are you okay? Something bothering you?" I ask putting a hand on her hand.

She quickly moves her hand away and looks at me."Yeah I'm fine, just a little tired and bored."

The action took me back a little. I hope I wasn't coming too strong on her.

"Haha yeah, these things can get a little boring, why don't you accompany me to the bar? Ms.." I say extending my hand to help her up.

"Hwang, Ms. Stephanie Hwang, or Tiffany." She says looking at me giving me a reassuring smile and taking my hand into hers.

She walked in front of me letting go of my hand and approaches the bar. Her hair swung loosely from side to side and her step looked like a waltz; she was beautiful and charming. But I know, she wasn't a fan of me from the start.

I scan the room not sure of what I'm looking for, but I walk to the bar and took a seat beside Stephanie.

"A whiskey." I say to the bartender. He nods his head while cleaning a glass and glances over at Stephanie starring at her and giving me a wink.

I can't stop looking at Stephanie and she plays with the stir stick in her cocktail. I want to ask her so many questions but I don't want to come off as a creep, yet I want her to be mine.

I take a sip from my glass and look at her. "So where are you from?"

"How about for every question I'm not comfortable answering, I get to you a question, and vice versa?" She says harshly, not looking up from her cocktail.

I was a little surprised by that, maybe I did come off as a little creepy. Damn it.

"Sure why not." I say taking a sip from my glass.

"Why are you interrogating me, even though you don't know me?" She says finally breaking contact with the glass and looking up.

"Because you interest me and I want to know you better."

She looks at my blankly with the most unimpressed 'are you fucking kidding me' face I have ever seen. "I've heard that many times."

"Because your smile caught my eye and I've never seen someone as normal as you before." I say putting the glass on the bar.

She looks at a little confused and smiles and her eyes form a crescent, "Are you implying I'm not normal?"

"No that's not what I said I meant like. . . you're not like the woman here, the same dolled up spoiled brats that are the typical girls you try to avoid and you seem like a cool person, you know the type to like dogs and sip coffee on like some winter day, um and I want to get to know you better and - "

"I know what you mean." She says with a giggle.

I just made a fool out of myself, I stuttered and rolled words off my tongue like a mad man. I've never felt like this before she gives me butterflies in my stomach. God she is adorable.

I give off a sigh and smile.

"You're known to be a playboy and if you're wondering if I would sleep with you the answer is no." She says straight out. I felt like my ego got dented.

I look at her, was I really coming off as wanting to sleep with her? "I just want to get to know you better, I'm not trying to sleep with you, you know."

"What's your favourite food." she asks suddenly.

"My favourite food? Uh." I wasn't expecting that question. "Pepperoni pizza." I finally say.

Stephanie smiles at me. "Me too."

"Thoughts on the appetizers served today at this banquet?" I said cocking my brow genuinely curious.

"They're really good, except I don't know why they served Pigs in a Blanket. Aren't they considered a little taboo since it isn't really a 'classy' type of food?" She's bestfriend material.

"Me too! I don't know why they did either holy fuck marry me." Shit that slipped. I mean, yeah marry me Stephanie is but I mean like, not right now. I wanna be your best friend first but, marry me holy shit.

She giggled and shook her head, thinking I was joking and I was. But I'm like 50% serious about that, I think.

"Want to play 20 questions?" I ask hoping she'd say yes because that's the only solution to not coming off as creepy yet gettign to ask her questons that I kind of wanted to know.

"How old are you again Mr. Kim?"

"I'm 28."

"And you want to play 20 questions?" She asks with a laugh.

Her laugh was like music to my ears, it was adorable and full of life, yet sounded a bit empty.

I laughed along with Stephanie. "Yeah why not? I'm never too old."

For the rest of the night we talked abut our favourite colour, music, and past times, and poked fun at each other. The night was filled with laughter and sincere gazes. I've felt like I've known her for years in this one night but yet I don't know her at all. No woman in my entire life had made me feel the way she has before. I've never really had a girlfriend, more like one night stands and friends with benefits and if I even had a relationship it lasted only a few weeks before things broke off. No woman really stood out as much as Stephanie did. All my thoughts of taking her home and having a one night stand with her were mercilessly shoved out the door and down into the abyss. She was different and I intend to treat he differently from any other girl I had met in my life.

"It's getting late, I should go home now." She places her glass on the bar table, glancing up to meet my gaze.

"Already ending the fun? We just started." I give a little pout hoping to score some cute points with Stephanie,

"Sorry, Mr. Pout I have work tomorrow." Stephanie pulls money out of her clutch as an attempt to pay for the drinks we had.

I push her hand back and take out my cash and put a stack on the bar. "It's fine I got it, it's on me tonight. I'll take you home too."

"Wow, Mr. Pout it's alright I can go home myself, thanks by the way." She says standing up fixing her dress.

"Hey, you made this night bearable for me it's the least I can do."

For the next 10 minutes, I couldn't stop bugging her about taking her home and they were indeed the most stressful 10 minutes of my life; She wouldn't let me take her home even though I insisted. But in the end she finally said yes, probably to my amazing charms and my pushy and persuasive self. Why is she so cute?

I smile to myself, not noticing her starring at me.

"What are you smiling about?" She questions as she looks straight up at me.

She's so small, like she's fun sized. A little walking button.

"Nothing, just happy that I won and you lost the argument."

She gives me a small hit on my arm and pouts a little.

"I've been shot. Ow. Ow. Ow. Someone call 911" I say acting like I was about to faint.

She touches my arm gently, getting my attentino as I brought my attention back to her from the fire juggling monkey on the stage right now. "Wait, I have to tell Sooyoung I'm leaving." I nod and I stand at the entrance of the ball room, eyeing the small dumpling walking towards her friend. saying something probably like a goodbye or something as her friend looks up and matches gaze with me. I felt like she kind of gave me a warning with her eyes, but I couldn't tell because I snapped that connection off, a bit afraid.

When I saw Steph turn around and walk back to me smiling lightly, I regained my posture, straighting my back and smiling right back at her.

"Miss me?" I asked. she shot me a smirk and walked past me, taking the lead.

"I should be asking you that, you were staring at me like some creep." I deadpanned and sighed. She turns around with a big smile on her face, she probably knows she just won that.

"I'll give you that win." I said in defeat.

"I deserve it." She says proudly. We both laugh before I open the door of my car for her. "You're very child-like for someone who's 28 and the CEO of a big corporation." She says as she steps in my car.

"I never said I was mature, now did I? Miss Hwang." I close the door, and quickly head to the drivers seat as to not lose a moment with Stephanie.

"Fair enough Mr. Kim"

"Oi, drop that. You're making me sound old." I cringed at the thought of myself 70 years from now old and wrinkly, being called Mr. Kim by my caretaker at some retirement home.

"Okay Kim Taeyeon."

"Taeng or Taengo. Have your pick." I announced, driving at a moderate speed so I could talk to her. The slower I drive, the more time I get to talk to her. Some will call my sly, but I like to think of it as me being smart, clingy and absolutely enticed by her.

"Taeng."

We arrive at this little town house that's built beside the shore line, which looked cozy and warm. I escort Stephanie out of the car and walk her up the stairs of her house. I feel like I've back in high school again, the cliche little move every guy did while ending the date. I wasn't expecting a kiss but I zoned back into reality when she poked me in the stomach. "Thank you for tonight." She says looking right into my eyes.

I rub the back of my neck with my hand and look down at the ground "I want to see you again, like you know to hang out or stuff, not to sleep with yo-" I couldn't finish my sentence as she put a hand over my mouth.

"You talk too much when you're nervous Taeyeon, just say it." Stephanie says with her eye smiles forming again.

I'm having thoughts run through my mind as I think of the outcomes that'll happen if I ask her for her number. It's either she rejects me. slaps me across the face calls me a creep and says no, or she says yes. I mean, I don't know. It's not like I've really done this before.

She kepts saying something but I just stared at her with sweat forming on my head, I coughed and nervously gulped the big lump in my throat.

Man up, just say it whats the worst that can happen right?

"Can I have your number?" I ask sheepishly.

"No you can't." Fucking hell. I was about to flip a table and drag her into the water when she started laughing hysterically. I stared at her like a confused pup.

"The look on your face is so funny, I'm just joking."

"You're so mean to me it hurts." I sigh out wiping my clammy hands on my trousers.

She takes the phone out of my pocket and puts her phone number in, then she proceeds to take a selfie and sets it as her contact photo.

Stephanie Young Hwang was the contact list.

The few seconds of silence felt like an eternity when she was busy on my phone. I looked at her with curiosity, and think about the things I could do with her if we were together. I'd take her out to every country in the world, buy her flowers every single day, ship her the most expensive wines and cheeses from France, go skinny dipping in the Caribbeans, the possibilities were endless really. I snap back into reality when she says good bye to me and closes the door. I was stunned in my spot. I didn't even get to say bye to her, she was really something. I don't know if she likes me or not, she's giving too many mixed signals.

Wait, I didn't even get a kiss.

I parked my car into the garage and head up to the stairs. My life was suddenly sparked by this fire called Stephanie Young Hwang. The drive back home I couldn't stop thinking about her. I open the door to my house and take off my suit jacket and plop down to the couch. I wanted to know so much more about her. Tonight I learnt the basics; she is of American-Korean descent, her favourite colour is pink, she has a dog named Prince, she has an older sister and brother, her favourite food is pizza, and she loves to sing, dance, and teach kids. Walking to my bed, I lay there thinking endlessly with a full mind and a heart full of emotions. I want her so bad, I want to make her mine and I want to make her happy and give her everything in the world. I've only met her for 3 hours and I feel like a prepubescent boy who's developing feelings for a girl. I felt giddy and extremely stupid. The night is sleepless and calm as I replayed her smile and laugh, and the stupid things I've done tonight. Sometimes when we laughed or when we smiled at each other, the look she gave me appeared to be broken or empty at times. The curious side of me wondered as to why they were broken at times as it gave off such a sad vibe. I'm going crazy over her and it still hasn't been a day; only a mere 3 hours. Stephanie Young Hwang will be mine, and I'll do whatever it takes to make her mine.

The next day I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, and the loud screeching sound of an alarm clock. I groan looking up; the time was 1:00 PM. Realizing what time it is, I smack the snooze button and quickly run to the bathroom, brushing my teeth frantically combing my hair and wearing a suit as fast as humanly possible. I practically sprint down to the kitchen grabbing a piece of bread and slathering an unhealthy amount of jam on it and then eat it like a famished monkey. I grab my satchel and pull it over my head when I forgot my phone on my nightstand. As I hastily grabbed my phone from the nightstand I stop, thinking about Stephanie.

Should I text her? Or should she text me?

Wait, is the guy supposed to make the first move?

I think I should text her. What should I text her?

How do relationships work. We're not even dating, we're more like acquaintances.

I should really grow a pair and text her at least. But wouldn't I be coming off as needy and desperate?

Crap I'm going to be late for work.

I arrive at the building as I park my car into the VIP stall. I'm greeted by many of my workers as I walk in the main entrance of the building. The hall was nicely decorated by posh tiles and luxurious decorations and unnecessary topiaries that weren't needed but why not, I have the money right? I take a deep breath, as I head into the elevator in which I was greeted by the lift man, who pressed the 36th floor of the building; my office.

I step out of the elevator and make my way to my office.

My secretary Sam, greets me with a smile and a little wave.

"Good morning Sam."

Sam nods and starts to type frantically on the keyboard. "Mr. Kim, you're coffee's on the desk with the schedule of today's meetings, a stack of documents you need to sign is on the left of you and the documents you need to read are on the right of you. If you need anything I'll be at my desk Mr. Kim." She doesn't even look up at me when she says that.

You gotta love efficiency.

"Oh, by the way you have a business meeting at Carnavorn at 7 PM sharp, don't be late or the man will throw a fit." She perks up from her desk. I nod curtly, still wanting to kick myself for having to attend a business meeting. I plop down on my chair staring at the mounds of paperwork sitting nearly on my desk.

One can not simply get through that pile of dead trees and go to a meeting when you met your potential soul mate less than 24 hours ago; one can not.

I walked out of my office after 3 hours of staring at a computer screen, distracted as hell.

"Yo, you. You're a girl. How do I talk to one of your species I met last night?" I asked, standing in front of her desk.

"What do you mean talk." Sam said, still not looking at me.

"I asked for her number but she hasn't said anything yet. I haven't said anything either but I'm itching to say something." I kept looking at the phone in my hand.

"Just say hello, whats wrong with you? I haven't seen you this nervous since the Capitals lost to the Panthers."

"I don't know stop being an ass, I just don't want to mess up yenno." I said, still looking back and forth from my phone to Sam.

"Mkay. Talk to me when you grow the balls to message her." She shoos me away and continues to work. I bet you she's playing The Sims on her computer right now.

I walk back into my office and sit down again, looking at the amount of work I still have to do before I can head home. I leave my phone on the side, still open on the messaging app on her profile.


	2. Help Me

Stephanie Hwang

I lean on the door that I've just closed on Kim Taeyeon. I slide down it slowly and sigh thinking about what has happened tonight. I've met the most attractive man on earth today. He looked like an asian mix between Matt Bomer with a little bit of Hugh Jackman. The man looked so aggressive and intimidating from a far, but when you got closer to him his eyes were warm and kind, just like how he spoke. At first when he approached me I was a little scared, even his walk was freighting, and so was his posture. I thought he was a total creep for asking me such blunt questions at first, but then I saw the look in his eyes and his warm touch wrapped around me like a silk blanket, I was at ease. His brown hair was perfectly combed to the side and looked so soft; the kind that you can run your hands through 100 times, he had hazelnut eyes that were so inviting and kind but when you get a glimpse of his back you see this tall man about to knock somebody out. Why does he look so intimidating, it almost makes him unapproachable.

I take off my shoes and walk upstairs to my bedroom and kneel down as my dog Prince starts barking and running around me like he just saw squirrel.

"Hey Prince. I missed you" I lean down giving him a kiss on the head.

"I think I just met the most attractive man in the world today, he's funny, charming, and kind. Well I think he's kind, he's nice to me at least. But he acts so differently towards other people. I think he's different Prince-ah." I say with a smile.

Prince just looks at me and tilts his head to the right a little bit.

"He's like my Prince Charming, the ones you see in movies and books, the kind that saves you from the bad guys and sweeps you up like you're his princess and his everything."

Prince just lays on my lap for a few minutes, before sleeping quietly.

"Don't worry Prince-ah, you'll still be my Prince." I say as I stroke his ears.

I pick him up and he starts whining in my hold, nudging against my arms. He looks up at me with beady eyes and I sigh.

"He's not like Nick, at least thats what I think. I'm hoping he's . . . different." I glance at the clock;12:48 AM the clock read. I put him on my bed as I take off my dress and get ready for bed.

The night was silent as the ambiance was filled with the sounds of waves washing ashore and a distant boat giving it's final horn. My thoughts were pretty hectic though, it'd call them noisy if I could label them something.

I've never met someone who's so warm and makes me feel like I'm living in a fairy tale and in instance. It's almost as if he's someone that will protect me from all the bad things in life and who won't hurt me or make me cry. He may be the one who accompanies me to my happy ending. Not like the last "Prince Charming" who broke my heart and shattered it into pieces. Not like the last.

But this fairy tale, or whatever we as a society label as the 'perfect life' is something you sohuldn't strive for. It's decieving, it lies, it doesn't show you the battles, the pains you go through.

The battles I went through in the pass has altered my perception of anything else I do in the future. I don't trust anyone, I can't look at someone the same and think if they have a second agenda, or if they're really just a colleague trying to be kind or if they're just a person just trying to be a friend.

I can't help but question Taeyeon when I met him. He had this aura around him that made him so mysterious. There's something about him that I can't pick out. He asked too many questions, and even then those questions were weird. He wanted to drive me home and yet I also questioned that. It wasn't normal to me. Throughout the night, despite having an unexpectedly good time, I had so many doubts about him.

There's no trust, I can't trust him. I have to question everything. He could be the same as every guy I've met. A heartbreaker.

Touching the bed one last time, sinking into the pillow made me fall asleep instantly dreaming about that asian Matt Bomer look a like. All I see is just his face, plastered onto his body. Pretty weird if I say so myself, but a girl can dream.

Getting up the next morning was basically a frantic race against time as I scrambled to get up for the last day of work. I overslept and had to beat the clock as I barely caught the bus. When I arrived, I took a look at the quaint school that I'll work at for the last time before departing from it forever. I took a deep breath and walked in the school, reminisce the old times and thinking about what I'll do next after I leave.

Working as a teacher was pretty fulfilling, I got to be close to little growing masses of energy. I teach them things to help them learn, to grow and to foster that curiosity in their small minds and thats what I like most about being a teacher. It starts with me to develop them.

But my life alone hasn't been pretty. The past few months I've been struggling to even get a teaching position so I end up subbing, but 3 months ago the kindgerten teacher at this school went on a leave and they needed a temporary replacement at that time, so thats where I came in.

One of my weaknesses is that I get so attatched to people, or thins really easily. So it was pretty hard to find out that the teacher was coming back and I wasn't needed anymore so I got laid off. Today was my last day to say bye to the kids, and back to a day to day subbing job in which I'll only see students or kids one or twice and probably never encoutner them ever again till I get a stable position.

But the moment I stepped out at 7 PM was a bitter sweet one. I smiled and to my coworkers who welcomed me with open arms. I had just finished packing up while having long conversations throughout the evening with my students's parents who bid me a good farewell. I forgot that the last rounds of bus's came at this time, being so caught up with everything else. I was carry my belongings in a cardboard box sprinting down the icy sidewalk trying to catch the bus that I unfortunately and coincidentally missed. It was no joke; I am so unfit.

I look down at my wrist to see my watch that read 7:25 PM. and with the winter season approaching the days got shorter and it got dark real fast. I adjust my coat pulling it closer to my chest as I breathe out to see my own breath dissipating in the air. I grip the cardboard box tighter and hastily make my way through the shortcut to the second bus stop down the dark ally way.

It reeked of urine and cigarette smoke as I walked past the red brick walls that were nicked in the corners with the walls covered in endless gang graffiti. A couple of homeless men were scattered along the walls beside dumpsters or some of the nooks and crannies between the old buildings trying to catch a glimpse of warmth.

I quicken my pace as I heard a distant dog bark and some drunkards. I swear I felt and heard someone behind me breathing down my neck as I increase my speed down the alley way, sometimes I question my intelligence to as why I'd go down a damn dark path at 8 pm at night.

When my feet crunched on a plastic bottle, it echoed through then arrow path of dirty buildings which freaked me out even more before a hunched back male in tattered trench coats with a bottle in one hand and a cigarette barely hanging on to their mouths emerged from the abyss and or shadows and grabs and shoves me against the wall.

I flinch at his touch and kick and scream as the echoing of my dropped box hits the floor and rings in my ear. Memories and flashbacks run through my mind in the split second and I feel like I'm watching myself be put in that same horrid position I was at a few months before.

"What are you doing here all alone? You need a big strong man to help you carry that miss?" The man hisses in my ear while his other hand drops the bottle on the floor letting it shatter as he grasps my arm tightly.

I struggle to even move as he pins me straight up the wall with their legs in between mine feeling me up. A hand travels up my shirt, ripping the shirt. Enough that the buttons pop and fly out.

I thrashed in his hold and hot tears escapes violently. I pushed, hit, kicked and yelled with all my might but I'm just not strong enough. I felt like I was in that same dark room all over again, being beaten and beaten till I can no longer stand.

"Help! Ple-" A hand covers my mouth and jerks my head back to the brick wall almost knocking my out unconscious.

"Shut up, no ones going to help you! Don't even try to bring attention to yourself you slut. You're mine tonight." He smothers his lips onto mine aggressively attacking my face and I move my leg kicking him in the groin, he pulls back with pain as he grabs his sacred area. "Fuck!" He groans out.

"Someone! Please help!" I shout and scream exhaling all the air in my lungs hoping that my efforts would get noticed. I stumble on my knees as I run through the mans legs. My head was throbbing so bad, it was like pulsing every second and every moment.

"You fucking bitch!"He shouts and I hear him getting up to catch up to me. I couldn't run fast enough before he thrusts back into the wall again and slaps me right across the face. The side of my head hits the back wall and I slump down on the floor clearly dazed out of reality and my vision starts to fog up. I felt a metal rod being inflicted on my body multiple times and the stinging pain and throbbing aches it created along my body started to settle in.

The last thing I saw was a tall familiar figure pulling the man off of me, punching him square in the face shouting profanities at him. The dark rich melodic tones fill my ears despite it being angry. A jacket is draped over me like a blanket and I succumb to the warmth. I feel the soft touch on my shoulder and back as I get picked up gently in their arms. My head is pounding, and my heart is racing even faster, where this person is taking me I don't know. I'm too tired to fight back.

"Stephanie? Hey, it's me." I open my eyes slightly just to see a dimly lit room and Taeyeon's blurry face hovering above mine. My head is still pounding and my right shoulder feels like it's been battered and beaten to a pulp. I feel my body ache everywhere even though I'm snug on a coach probably worth more than my house and a blanket made of Egyptian silk imported around more countries than I'll ever go to.

I basically freaked out and sat right up, effectively bonking my head to his. I slump down into the sofa looking down to my hand when I felt something soft in them. I open my palm just to see a slightly bloodied hanker chief with the initials 'T.Y' engraved in the corner.

"Ow." We both said in unison. He chuckles quietly as he reaches out for the glass of water beside him, handing it to me and two pain killers.

"Thank you." I manage to croak out despite my dry throat, I even lost my voice.

"Are you okay? Your cheek got a little bit cut so I kind of fixed it for you temporarily. We can go to the hospital later or if you want I can bring my doctor here?" He helps me tilt the glass up to my lips, waiting patiently as I sip the water slowly.

"I-I'm okay." The tears began to form as I remembered what happened before I passed out. Almost dying in a dark alley, the trigger of my past, and then the heroic save?

He nods his head and looks away from me briefly. "So um, what were you doing in that passage in the dark?" He started playing with the end of the blanket looking dejected.

I turn away just to see my reflection in the big glass pane in front of me and Taeyeon staring at the reflection too, grinning slightly but expressed his concern through his brown orbs. I felt like crying but I had no more to cry. I haven't been touched like that since my breakup. I thought I was free at last but it triggered so many memories. I stayed quiet, biting my lip hoping that it'll stop anything from coming out. I heard him sigh and he ran his hand through his short brown silky hair.

"I was in a business meeting and I was just leaving the building when I heard someone scream from the back so I turned around to check it out and there you were helpless against a wall with some sleazy man on top of you. I called out for you but you blacked out before I could even say anything else." He says, softly tapping my shoulder but I refuse to turn around, for him to see me like this.

"Sorry to burden you. I should get going, thank you for helping me." I say slowly peeling the blanket off of me and handing back his satin cloth as I get up but he places a hand on my knee stopping me. I stare at it for the longest time. I wanted to get that hand away from me but strangely I didn't make an effort to.

"No, keep this. You also need to stay because I don't think you should go out like that alone in the dark anymore. You're not a 100% ready to handle the world yet and I have a guest room you can stay in, I don't mind. You're not a nuisance to me and I insist." He drapes the blanket over me and I obediently lay back down on the soft pillow still holding onto the silky cloth. I feel the bumpy initials in between my fore finger and thumb.

Great, now I feel like a useless lump leeching off this guy because I'm not capable of even walking outside without getting jumped.

I sigh and I feel his fingers caress my hand. "Tae, I need to shower. I need to wash away the bad things please." Tears start to well in my eyes and I couldn't keep it in.

He slowly picks my hand up and half carries me to the bathroom. He places me on the marble counter and ran the water. He checks it twice before excusing himself to get a shirt for me. I looked around at the luxurious space. White and black colours with a silver accent. Everything was made out of marble, all the little furniture was made out of like sleek metal.

He lives well. I sigh and take a breath in, uncomfortable with the environment.

"Couldn't find anything, but since you bruised the side of your arm you should wear a button up, since you know putting on t-shirts can hurt?" He stutters. I reached out for the shirt but wince at the pain. He quickly steps in and looks at me with concern. "Can I, help?" He says, his hands touching the hem of my blouse.

I nod and with slightly shaking hands helps me pull my shirt off. I look away embarrassed and shy. He slowly and cautiously unbuttons my shirt and I heard him gulp. I flinch at the pain when he pulled it off me and he stopped and looked at me. I nodded and he kept going, his brows furrowed as he was concentrated.

I looked at the hand hovering above my body. The fingers that were holding onto hem of my shirt were slowly lowered. I looked up and saw his eyes become some dark, icy and angry.

"It's so bad. I didn't realize you got hurt this bad." He whispered so lightly. His hand had trouble keeping still and it trailed my cuts and bruises gently. It hurt it I felt so trapped under him, not that it was a bad thing. It made the pain become muffled and I couldn't feel it as much.

He brought a towel up to wipe off the dried blood around my torso and with every swipe he gulped down the big rock in his throat. I don't even know how I'm allowing myself to let him touch me or see me this bare in front of him. I don't know how.

My hand reaches up to my shoulder and it grazed his hand. We both stopped and I slowly irked myself to look at him. He flashes me a quick smile and I cover myself up and he stutters through his last words and quirkily smiles at me before leaving.

I take a deep breath and slowly enter the luxury tub. My body aches and I could barely limp to the edge. As soon as I laid my body inside, I felt the jets on my body and I started to relax at the comfort of his tub.

Minutes pass and I see his silhouette through the door. "Hey, are you okay? Did you faint in the tub?" His rich voice was heard from the other side of the door.

"Um." I mutter as he barges through the door before walking out with his body faced away from me. I thank the god for the bubbly soap that covered my upper area.

"Holy sh-shit. Sorry I didn't hear anything and I thought you like died. Not died but like something happened? Sorry I shouldn't have done that." He had so many jitters that he couldn't even say those words without stuttering one bit; adorable.

I step out of the tub and wrap myself up with the towel. I stand behind him and poke him in the back.

"Can you help me? I can't put your shirt on." I say shyly, I don't think it was even audible.

He turns around and sheepishly smiles before propping me up on the bathroom counter. I knew he was trying to not eye me and at the same time I tried looking away but it never works. He helps me slip on the shirt as I covered myself up with the towel. One by one he buttons the shirt up and I can hear his loud gulp in the bathroom. By the time he got to the middle button, I brushes his hand away softly, wanting to do it myself. He's trying hard not to stare and I thank him for that. I bit my lip hard to suppress the awkwardness.

I felt myself have this rush of adrenaline. This hot feeling started to creep up my body and I tried so hard to not look at him. But I caught a glimpse of him, and oh my god he's perfect. Is he even real?

He helps me up to lean on his body as he half carried me to his bed. He sits me down and pulls out a stool, rummaging through his nightstand for a plastic box.

"We have to clean the cut on your arm and bandage it. Sit pretty and I'll do the rest okay?" He chuckles and I smiled back showing my sincere gratitude towards him.

He pulled my bra strap and shirt off gently, and I felt my face heat up again. I look away and shut my eyes at the pain every time he dabbed alcohol on it. His concentrated face is really something I kind of liked about him. But then again, I like a lot of things about him already.

"It's okay, I'm here. You won't die. I'm a certified professional magical arm slash wound healer, rest assured your satisfaction is 100 percent guaranteed." Cheeky Taeng is the best type of Taeng.

Something about him that makes him light up the mood in this room makes him a lot more attractive. I'm falling for him too fast and it's dangerous, way too dangerous for me and my fragile heart.

My body kept jerking every time he dabbed the towel on my arm. He starts frowning and I was afraid I upset him but he walked out of the room and came back with a little stuffed monkey plushy.

He smiles goofily and places it on my lap. "His names George. He enjoys long walks by the beach, deep conversations, and bananas."

I immediately grabbed it to look at it. It kind of resembled him, a baby monkey is exactly what Taeyeon was. Cute.

I couldn't stop smiling. A big hunky guy like him owns a stuffed animal? Sign me up.

"All done love." He says quietly looking at me with sad eyes. He switches between my shoulder and my eyes and I catch his jaw to stop him. Which really surprised me because I didn't know I had the courage to do that.

"You are so adorable." I caress his tight jawline and rough 5 o'clock shadow. I felt ourselves getting closer and closer as I stare into his brown eyes. It looked so sad and the way he locked gazes with me made my heart beat faster. It skipped beat after beat.

He leaned in closer, looking at me intently and I felt so protected and just trapped in his gaze. His lips tugged upwards and I kept grazing my thumbs on his cheek.

This is so bad, so so so bad. There was no way I could stop it though. Something inside me just turned off and my guards are falling piece by piece the more time I spend with him.

Dangerous yes, and it could be incredibly fatal if I don't be careful.

He smiled a bit wider and leaned closer. I held my breath when he gently kissed me on the lips. I kissed him back, and when he parted his lips from mine I looked at him with an ever growing pain in my chest. He broke it off first.

My heart shook for a while, I probably got the wrong message. Who am I kidding, a playboy billionaire wanting to settle down with a girl like me? I guess my accusations were wrong when he pulled me closer and kisses me again. My hand got lost in his hair and I felt his hand graze the side of my arm. When we pulled back we both smile and stare at each other for a little longer.

"Sleep in my room, I'll sleep outside. Call me if you need anything okay?" He gets up from the stool but I grab onto his rough masculine hands with all my might.

"Taeyeon, please don't go. Just stay with me for today, for tonight. Or long enough for me to fall asleep. Please?" He hesitates and stops his movement locking my gaze. He grazes my hand softly with his thumb before clasping his hand onto mine and laying his other hand on top.

He sits down on the stool again, pulling it closer to the edge of the bed gently tucking my hair behind my ear and touching the fresh cut on my cheek gently.

"I'll be here when you wake up, go to sleep okay?" He whispered so softly.

I give him a quick nod and I'm quickly shrouded by the thought of sleep and knowing that I'm protected I can feel at ease.

I woke up the slight snore and warmth on my hand caused me to stir. My vision was fogged and when it cleared up I saw the man who saved me last night sleeping on my hand, his mouth ajar and light snores came out of it. He looked so cute, but what's with his angry scowling sleeping face?

My hand hesitated to retract my hand from his resting head. I didn't want to wake him but I wanted to touch him. I slowly pulled my hand back till the side of his face rested on the sofa. My hand kept shaking for no apparent reason while I reached out for him to caress the side of his head.

My hand kept grazing it, getting lost in his perfect smooth hair and I rubbed the shell of his ear gently. He knits his brows and slowly opens his eyes to meet mine. He shook his head in confusion at first, but started to smile goofily when he finally understood what was going on.

"Good morning. How did you sleep?" I ask him still rubbing my hand on the back of his head.

"I think I should be asking you that." He says groggily with his husky voice, oh my.

"I don't know, by the pooling wet spot of drool I'd say you had a pretty good sleep." He jerks up with wide eyes and touches the corner of his mouth. He frowns cutely when he finds out there was nothing.

"Just kidding." I giggled.

All of a sudden he sits up closer to me. He starts to cup his hands on my cheek and I feel myself heat up. He looks right into my eyes with an all serious expression and I felt a little bit overwhelmed. I turn my head to the side snapping our gazes and he sits back down a bit shy.

"Sorry, uh that was really weird I didn't know why I did that. Just wanted to check how you were healing up."

"Oh. I'm fine. Thanks." I mumble feeling uncomfortable with him.

"Yeah, it looks better from what I can see." He stutters his words and rubs the back of his neck awkwardly.

"I need to go home." I peel the covers off me and was about to stand up.

"I'll take you home." He perks up rather quickly and gets up.

"That's okay, you've done a lot for me Taeng. I think I can go home myself."

"No I insist. Not after what happened last night."

"Taeyeon-ah, I don't th-"

"Stop it. Just let me take you home so I know you're safe and that I've seen it with my own two eyes. I don't want to bicker Stephanie, but please let me do this." His stern look intimidated me really. He gave off such an icy vibe that made me a bit scared to refuse his offer.

I know a little bit about him after our encounter at the gala, I still can't help but be a little sceptical of him.

"Do you want to have breakfast at least? I know a good restaurant, I mean if you want to go. Or I can bring my chef and we can eat here. He's pretty go-"

"No Tae, I just want to go home. Please just take me home." I plead and start to move to the door. I hear him shuffle and then drape his suit jacket over me. He held out my belongings that was neatly folded and piled towards me. I grabbed it and slipped my shoes on before he opens the door for me.

The ride home was so awkward. He didn't say anything and I didn't either. I just saw the profile of his face and I was praying to god he didn't see me checking him out.

When we stopped at my houses front curb I opened the car door he told me to stay and he rushed to my side and opened the door for me and helped me walk to my door. He took the keys from my purse and help me unlock it as I leaned against the wall.

"Thank you Tae. I really don't know how to repay you. To be honest I wouldn't know what could've happened to me if you weren't there. Thank you, for everything." I slip the jacket off of me and hand it to him along with his handkerchief. I was reluctant to hand over the monkey plush but I did it anyways. He pushed my hand back and shakes his head.

"Keep it."

"These belong to you not me."

"Hey, just keep it. It'll make me feel better." He says with a tight smile.

I look down with the items in hand and the awkward silence was inevitable. I hated it so much but I just stood there.

"This means that I get to keep George right?" I said, holding up the monkey plush in my hand.

He chuckled and nodded his head with his hands in his pocket looking so charming.

"Um, I should probably get inside. I don't want to take up more of your time since you know you're a busy person and you like have things to do and so do I but you know I still don't want to bur-"

"I'd like to see you again." He says as he cuts me off, staring at the floor awkwardly. I swear we look like awkward teenagers on our first date. I tried to hide my smile and excitement inside me but a part of me told me no, that's not right. This thing, relationship, budding friendship. It won't be right and it will lead back to what happened a few months ago.

"Oh, okay. Um. I'll call you." He nods his head and I can see his small smile. He kept kicking up the gravel underneath his feet with his hands in his pocket.

I went on my tip toes to plant a kiss on his dimpled cheek before whispering a thank you in his ear and turning the door knob and going in, closing it quickly behind me.

My heart was beating so fast, it's was the gala night all over again.


	3. Little Brown Bear

Kim Taeyeon

I was pacing around my office like a mad man. What was I supposed to do after I just brought home a girl that was attacked and coincidently it was the same girl that I was eyeing up all day two nights ago. Seeing her like that just made me want to kill every single person that looks her way. I felt like I was obligated to protect her.

When I dropped her off, I went straight to work which was a terrible mistake. I couldn't focus at all. My mind was shifted to her, every single thing reminded me of her. The details from her fringe covering her eyes as she slept and the little red scar on her face. Or the way she clenched my handkerchief when she asked me to bring her to the shower. Down to the bruises from her shoulder to her rib cage.

It clouded my mind and there was no way I could focus at all. The thing that I really couldn't stop thinking about was the kiss we shared. God damn, I kept feeling my lips missing hers on mine. I wish it lasted longer, I wish I could kiss her like that everyday. I asked to see her again which really surprised myself because I've never asked to see someone twice.

My hand just itched to text her but I didn't want to come off as creepy or possessive. But fuck, that moment when I cupped her cheeks and she pulled away and looked to the side awkwardly made me want to mentally slap and kick myself in the groin. That was literally crossing the line and she flinched at my touch.

I waited 7 hours. 7 whole agonizing hours planning my moves carefully. I felt like I was strategically coming up with intelligent moves that could be in my favour, but really this was all for a girl. For Stephanie.

I feel so stupid. But I gave up when I didn't even see a text from her all day despite staring at the small screen for hours.

Ah fuck it, what do I have to lose except my dignity. It's not like anyone would know.

Taengo: Hey, how are you? Feeling any better? [

I placed my phone down but the incoming message and ringtone made me pick it up fast.

Stephanie: I think I'm better now. I think. :s I mean, I can't be too sure because I'm having trouble reaching for the cup of instant noodles in my cupboard but other than that I think I'm holding up just fine.

Taengo: Uh. Do you need help? ] I'm 6'4 and you're about as tall as an Oompa Loompa, hehe.

Stephanie: oh, shut up. I'm like average height, k? k.

Taengo: You can say that when you reach the ramen in your cupboards babycakes. ]

Stephanie: Of all names. Of all names, babycakes? ._.

I think I spent an hour texting back and forth with Stephanie. The texting rules about waiting at least a minute or two before replying flew out the window. I had no shame, I even double texted that's how much I really like her.

I guess you can call our texts cute. But I wanted to know her better. Playing 20 questions while a little tipsy at a boring dinner party is not the best way of getting to know someone. But hey, it's something. I wanted to know her better, as in be besties with her.

Let's be real though, a part of me really wanted her to be mine.

The moment she started to tear up on my couch, made me realize that I don't have all the time in the world to be with her. Her eyes went hazy, glossy, and so broken. A million things ran through her mind I saw it in her eyes. I felt her sadness too, although I don't feel what she felt that very day, I wanted to law it better for her, to be there as a support.

I don't know why but she's like a magnetic force that keeps me pulled back. That same force pushed me back into that treacherous night I had to spend looking at her so upset and se looked like she was barely hanging on by a thread; looked like she was crumbling within my gaze.

This was on my mind every text I sent her and the hours I spent in my office. It made my day slower, it made time go by like a damn snail. When our conversation died, I went back to work. I lied. I didn't go back to work. I sat there rereading our texts and smiling at them.

"What are you smiling at? Shouldn't you be working?" Sam peeps up as she's handing me a pile of contracts.

"Shouldn't you be minding your own business? I'm your boss you can't ask me that." I shoo her away and she cocks her brow and snickers at me.

"Taeng's got a crush." She taunts me with a sing song voice.

"Excuse you! I'll fire you!" I gasped and threw a crumpled up sticky note at her.

"You wouldn't boss man. I'm the best you've ever had and I'm practically the older sister you've never had." She sticks her tongue out at me and throws the ball of paper back at me.

"So I was right? You have a crush. How long are you going to like her before you throw her away like the models and one night stands you've had?"

I sigh and place my phone on the table.

She gasps and sits down on the chair across from me.

"Wait no, Taeyeon can't smile at a text and have a slight glint in his dull eyes. She's the one isn't she? Oh my god. You're finally going to settle down and have kids? Get married? Start a family?" She starts squealing in the chair and I swear sometimes I want to smack her.

"Go away."

"As you wish boss, but I want all the details later!" She practically skips out of my office and closes the door behind her.

I felt like banging my head on the desk a million times. She was right though. I'd call it a crush but I'm no longer a hormonal teenager, I'm 28. A full grown 28 year old man who feels like there's butterfly in his stomach and gets giddy even at a text from his 'crush' Stephanie.

Taengo: Can't watch the game tonight, something came up.

Kris: fucking liar, no one skips the first game of the playoffs. you got a girl don't you?

Taengo: lol no.

Kris: lie again you little punk. Taeng's got a girlfriendddddddddddddddd.

Tanego: k. I'll see you later or somethin .. pce pce.

I was staring at our organizations statistics till my phone lit up with a notification.

Stephanie: boop.

Damn it Steph. You're too cute. I wanna be your fucking best friend.

Taengo: You're still up? Go to sleep since you need the energy to wreck havoc and cause chaos with your little self.

Stephanie: I can't sleep :c I'm kind of binge watching The Bachelor. I am shameless. 33

Taengo: Ew. That's such a stupid show. I hate it. I don't understand how you can fall in love with someone during the span of the show and ask them to marry you. Plus, there's like 20 girls there. How are they supposed to know one of them is going to be that 'one'.

See, I lied to myself again. I fell in love with her in 3 seconds and I swear on my mothers grave that I'm not kidding. Is this even possible? I gotta have a scientist back this up but I swear I am living proof that this exits and she is living proof that she is the reason why I think I want to marry her despite knowing her for 3 days.

Stephanie: Wow, didn't expect you to be anti-bachelor. Aren't you one yourself?

Taengo: : ...

Stephanie: LOL. Sorry if I pushed a button.

Taengo: Go on a date with me.

Please say yes, for the love of God and my sanity please say yes.

Stephanie: Um.

Taengo: It'll be fun? They'll be snacks. Please come, I hate working and I'd go crazy staring at a screen for hours.

Stephanie: What kind of snacks? :o

Taengo: Good snacks.

Stephanie: I'll only come if there are dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets.

Taengo: Deal. I'll pick you up at 7 PM tomorrow. See you then bestie. xoxoxoxoxo

Stephanie: 'bestie' okay, see you then Mr. K. Xx

She sent this really cute bear sticker of it waving goodbye.

Taengo: gotta admit, that bear is almost as cute as me.

Stephanie: yeah, that's why I sent it :s

Taengo: . . .

Wait, what?! Did she just. . . Did she just flirt back?!

I high fived myself. Guess who scored a date with Stephanie? I did. I fucking did. Low key though, I don't think she thinks it's a date but we'll call it a date for my sake.

I went straight to the grocery store and bought a package of dinosaur chicken nuggets. Who knew they actually carried these in stores, hell I thought I had to make these by hand. I went home after my little pit stop and literally I went on the Internet and looked up 'How to Impress Your Date.' I've never actually went on a proper date; if this was even ever a real date. I've never had a girlfriend either. A real one. One night stands were my thing but not anymore.

I'm never going to let this slip from me. I will forever be embarrassed from this Google search I did.

Morning came real fast and I scrambled to get out bed. I showered real nice, busted out one of the finest shampoo, and body wash I could possibly buy with the bank account the size of Nicki Minajs ass.

I brushed my teeth twice, flossed it, I also made sure I even swished it with mouth wash. I shaved my stubble off to a clean bare face and I look 5 years younger. Fuck I look like a baby, but no matter within a few hours I'll grow a 5 o'clock back.

I ran into my closet and through my plethora of suits, I had the most trouble choosing my outfit. From colours to ties, to cuff links and shoes I seriously felt incredibly stupid that I even had to think about what I was going to do, to what I was going to wear.

I took a look at myself in the mirror, not once but twice. Yes twice because clearly I don't have my priorities straight and anything I'll say or do is a literal mine trap that's waiting to explode and bite me in the ass for being a complete idiot.

Eh, I combed my hair one last time and buttoned up my shirt and rolled my sleeves up because according to this article I read on '7 Ways To Get Her To Like You' ladies love this shit.

I didn't forget to pop by a floral shop and got her a bouquet of who knows what that was handed to me. Flowers are gross and they smell like fucking Mother Nature on a sunny day out in the Himalayas. I wouldn't know what it would smell like because I've never went, but point is it smells like the earth.

I drove into that neighbourhood I dropped her off a night ago and I see Stephanie kneeling down to a little kid as he wails from a cut on his knee.

I parked my car and grabbed the flowers before taking a deep breath and straightening out the wrinkles on my blue dress shirt and patting my pants down. My hand clutched the flowers hard and I felt so nervous. I was like 20 feet away from her and I felt like hiding in the bush beside me.

She looked so adorable, her little white dress and silky hair that I want to run my hands in over and over again. It wasn't fair that the little guy had her undivided attention, that should be me. He kept crying like it was the end of the world. Stephanie was all smiles though, she placed a little green bandaid on his knee and kissed it before sending him off. I'm literally jealous of a 5 year old kids knee.

When a knee gets more action than you do.

I didn't realize what had happened till my head stared to ache and my face also started to throb. The last thing I saw before looking to the ground as I paw my face was Stephanie shocked expression.

"Oh my god, you ran into a pole Tae. Are you okay?" She immediately strolls towards me and puts her hands on my face and tilts my head upwards.

I swear her touches I felt like had some magical wizard healing shit in them because I didn't feel any of the pain as soon as her finger tips grazed my face.

"Uh. Um." I was a fucking blabbering mess. The pain and her beauty mixed up like a cocktail and I was forced to down it in one shot. I can't even see her properly, she was so blurry but I knew she looked hot as fuck.

My eyes darted everywhere, from her eyes to her mouth and then her soft hands. She caressed my cheek and looked at my head intently with her worrisome eyes and tender gaze. My heart thumped harder and my hands itched to do something.

"Um these are f-for you." I raise the flowers between us with a shaky hand and she looks down immediately and steps back just a little bit. She smiles before taking the flowers in the hand but in the process her hands cupped mine. God damn it I can't stop feeling, I've caught the feels.

"They're so pretty, thank you Taeyeon-ah. That was sweet of you." She starts picking the flowers in the bundle and bringing them to her nose and I could watch her all day.

"Just like you." I blurt out mindlessly with a slight nervous tone in me and when I processed what I had just said, I wish I hit my head a little harder on the pole. Hard enough to knock myself out. Damn it.

She looked taken back at first before her precious eye smiles made an appearance and Jesus Christ her laugh was so cute. It really did sound like music to my ears and I would have it as my ringtone.

"You're really something Tae." I didn't dare to look at her and my gaze was glued to the pavement.

Her hand reached up to cup my jaw and she grazes her thumb over it multiple times. Enough times that it was so soothing like I was able to go to sleep just like that.

"Are you sure you're okay? Your jaw has a red mark on it from the pole."

"Yeah, I'm bueno, good, great, actually superb. Let's never talk about this ever again." I mumble and she giggles. I'd say more stupid shit if I could hear that same laugh one more time.

"How does that even happen? What were you looking at? You need a gps or a pole or something when you walk because clearly you're incapable of being a human." She links her arms with me and I didn't know what to do till she started walking and my feet moved along with her. It's like I also forgot how to walk.

I was looking at you Stephanie. I looked at how gorgeous you look and how I'm going to go on a date with a girl in a white dress for the first time in my life. Well not the first time, but the first time I'll be having a meaningful date that I'll enjoy and want nothing but her company.

"You really like to poke fun at me huh?" I look at her as her head is turned toward the blazing hot sun in the sky. It really gave her face a nice light to look at it and damn it made her look like she was glowing.

"You're a big whiner, it's cute." She says and glances up at me. I got caught staring at her before she smiles and shyly looks away.

I open the door for her and escort her into my car before driving off to the waterfront where my beloved boat was prepped.

"Wow you weren't joking when you said you had a boat. This isn't even a boat it's a yacht." Her eyes gawked when I led her down the sandy cobblestone path to my anchored boat. She hung onto me for dear life as she feared she'd roll down and tumble into the dark endless ocean and die alone. I quote from Stephanie.

I lifted her up the ramp and guided her through the wooden boardwalk and jumped over the railing and into my boat while she opted to go around and be an actual reasonable human being and go through the gate.

"Come here, you're going to be sailing this." Her eyes popped out of its sockets at me and she shook her head cutely as she stood on the front of the boat like a tiny lost person. She played with the ring in her finger continuously and never stopped spinning it.

"I'll guide you, don't worry. If you succeed we'll eat dinosaur chicken nuggets tonight."

"And if I don't?" She whispers and looks at me with an expression that said 'please don't make me do this, anything but that.'

"Then you're scrubbing the deck and feeding me grapes by the vine you poop. Now come here." I wave my hands and then started to do jumping jacks on the deck. She shakes her head and slowly makes her way to me.

She stands in front of me and places her hands on the wheel. Call me cliche but I stood behind her, back hugging her gently as my front side grazed her back ever so slightly.

Fuckity fuck fuck. I swear sometimes my hands like to do things on their own and they did. Without another thought my hands were placed on top of hers, gently gripping her hands underneath the the steering wheel and damn they felt good.

The wind blew her hair back and I had a glimpse of her sweet intoxicating scent. My hands gripped her a little former and her back slowly inched back to mine. My head was raised high but stepped more to the right and angled my head so I could see her face.

She was smiling, and blushing. She looked so shy. So cute as she tried to hide her happy face.

"This is so much fun Taeyeon-ah." She squeals when I grab her hand and steer to the right side. I guess it was fun, only because I was with her.

"Now if you crash into a rock and sink this boat, that's all on you and I'm booking it out of here." I mutter and she turns around me with a cute mischievous smile.

"Don't you dare do this on purpose because I'm not ready to die. Yet." I warn and she giggles before gently slapping my shoulder.

I cracked a smile too. We both stared into the endless ocean but I really wanted to stare into her face. I just know that we both were smiling.

"Damn it, now I have to hire someone to scrub my deck." She scoffs and I let go of my hands off hers, letting her take complete control of the boat.

"So I did good?" She squeals in her spot and let's go out of the wheel and I jumped to the wheel, stumbling to my knees and I look like a rag doll on the floor.

"I got this. Chill Taengo." She says nonchalantly and pokes me with her foot as I lay flat on the floor.

"It's Taeng to you." I mumble against my smooth pearly white deck. I was practically kissing the floor when I should've 'accidentally' fell and kissed her.

"Can I have my dino nuggets now. I mean that's the only reason I came anyways." Ow. That hurt, I didn't expect her to come just because of the nuggets but then again she could be pulling my leg and teasing me. Honestly, she's sending so many mixed signals I'm even doubting myself and my ability to woo a girl.

I laid still on the floor. She tried to drag me up and I let her pull me across the floor as I hung onto her arm like my life depended on it. I groaned for a good minute and I think I should've became an opera singer than a business person.

Her cute laugh was fucking adorable. She gave up with a huff and sat down beside me still smiling at me. I peeped up from the floor and tried to match her smile as she pokes my nose.

"Boop."

Boop. Boop? Are you fucking kidding me, boop. That's it my marrying her.

"I own a fucking boat with luxury seats and here we are as you sit on the floor beside me while I'm sprawled out like a damn jumbo starfish on my deck." She giggles and looks awed as she takes a look around us.

Ocean, water, sunset, trees, trees, driftwood, and water. That's all I saw, but then again girls see everything differently. For example, on the way here Stephanie pointed out that she really liked my fuchsia pen in my cup holder. I told her it was pink, and she gave me a fucking lesson about colour theory and how there's different shades and shit. I didn't complain, I mean I love to listen to her talk and have an excuse to state and drool at her.

"I'm so used to seeing these places on television. It's looks so much better in person." She whispers. I sat up right beside her, my legs outstretched as she continued to stare into the sea.

"Are you okay? From you know last night. You've seen a doctor right?" I said, trying to look at her side profile without being noticeable.

"Yeah." I turned my body around to face her yet she didn't even flinch. She still continued to admire the sea.

"Can I see?" I asked pointing at her torso.

She shook her head.

"Oh okay." Getting rejected sucks ass.

But nonetheless I joined her looking at the sea just because I didn't know what else to say or do.

"They're ugly." She suddenly said. I frowned and turned towards her again.

"What's ugly, the bruises?" She nods.

I sighed and shook my head, a little bit disappointed in her. "You can't expect them to be nice. They're literally broken blood vessels that mark an area of your skin temporairly. If anything, you'll just be a purple cow."

She broke out into a laughter and looked at me.

"I'm just hoping you're okay. I mean I don't expect you to after that incident."

"I'm okay." I cocked a brow at her.

"Really, I'm okay." She said with a small smile. I exhaled and nodded running my hands on the deck.

"You're still pretty." I muttered. Eyeing her from the corner of my eye because I sincerely hope she got that.

I got a small reaction from her as she smiled just a bit. That was a win in my books.

I suddenly got up and pulled her up, interrupting her star gazing. She had a whole rant and a bunch of complaints but I was starving.

"You really did get dino nuggets, you are like my best friend now." She takes a few before stepping outside into the deck to gaze some more and leaving me alone. When I texted her 'bestie xoxoxo' I didn't think it would be taken seriously. I just fucking friend zoned myself.

I stood there sitting on the table as I stare at the empty seat that was supposed to be for Stephanie. I set up a good steak and wine dinner with a side of nuggets.; a classic according to that site but minus the nuggets.

The arms around my waist made me jerk in her hold. I didn't expect her to back hug me but when she did I felt so much more alive, like I had a purpose to live. It's like there was something worth being happy about.

"Can I have dinner with you Taeyeon?" She mumbles as I feel her cutely moving her jaw as she chews. I saw her reflection in the glass pane and she was behind me with her face pressed up against my back looking like a tiny person compared to my height.

"It would be my pleasure. Otherwise I wouldn't have spent time walking into a candle store and spending 20 minutes choosing a god damn scented candle for this occasion." Stephanie released me from her hold and I almost squeaked out a long 'nooo.'

We sat and ate, and conversed like any other normal beings right? Except I have a huge crush on her, k fuck that term. Scratch that, I want her to be mine. Every time she talked I watched her like it was the only thing that mattered; and it was.

"Tae. . ."

"Yeah?" I asked in the middle of chewing my steak.

"Taetae." She said with a playful smile.

I shot her a questioning look.

"I'm going to start callign you Taetae now."

"That's a little embarassing."

"It's cute."

"Psht."

Holy crap, her smooth milky white skin was the best I've ever seen. Her eyes always formed that dreamy crescents that was her most notable feature and best part it, was it was paired with her alluring smile. Jesus Christ when she smiled it was so pretty, it came out so natural. Can I jut say her lips were also very attractive? I wanted to kiss them but I mean it's the first date I don't want to ruin anything.

I love everything about her, from her smile to her laugh, to the little shy blushing face she'd have when I tell her that she was really beautiful like every 5 minutes.

We both sat outside near the desk of the boat with our knees touch and or shoulders grazing each other after our dinner. We were star gazing, but I really wanted to look at her. She kept talking but she was on mute in my mind and I stared at her as her lips moved and I felt the corner of my lips tug to a smile.

I exhaled and let out a quiet burp, trying to preserve my dignity and be a gentleman. I didn't stop myself from patting my enlarged stomach though, the food was good. Heh, only because ti was cooked by yours truly.

"Stop staring at me you creep." She said whole pushing my face away.

"Am not." I retaliated.

"Yes you are."

"Did not and am not." I stick my tongue out at her and she just shakes her head.

She leans on my shoulder and I get a whiff of her floral shampoo and damn it. My body just froze still.

"Thank you for today Tae. It was fun, like really fun. I felt like I knew you for a decade after the dinner today."

"Eh, don't think much of it. I just wanted to get out of the office yenno. You're like the only sane person I know in my pool of people. I guess you're kind of cool."

"Correction, very cool. But seriously. Thank you for all you've done for me. Saving me from the pervert at the ally, patching me up, and checking up on me. Then you bring me out here despite being a busy man? I still don't know how to repay you back." She whispers gently and I slowly inch my arm around her shoulder. I slowly draped my arm around her and I could feel her laugh a little bit.

I felt pretty damn good about myself. Operation: put arm around her; check.

I'd like to think I'm a slick guy, and when my arm successfully landed around her shoulder, boy I am so good.

"You wanna know how to pay me back?"

"How?"

"Go on another date with me." I'm so smooth, hot damn.

She moves closer to me and she's breathing right at my neck. My head was still held high and I made no move to look down at her because if I did I'd lose it.

I felt her lips just graze my neck and her hand was creeping up my body. She smiles against my skin and she cups her hand along my jaw. I felt that small shy smile on my neck, she did that.

Her hand slowly brought me down by the chin to look at her glossy eyes.

I felt so dizzy staring at her. Everything was focused into her and only her. Inch by inch our lips got closer and closer, till it touched and I broke out into a small smile and made the move to pull her closer to me.

She kissed me back and it was that same night that I had brought her home all over again. My hands reached out to her face and pulled her closer, it soon went to the back of her silky hair and I had her locks in between my finger tips as I also felt her skin underneath my palm. I've missed her lips so much, but I've ultimately missed the feeling of her.

Something about her kisses weren't needy, desperate, and one sided. She didn't just use me, and it wasn't a kiss that I knew it wasn't going to be my last I'll ever have again with her. It reassured me that I'll have plenty more with her. With that being said, it made me more giddy than I ever was.

"I'll go on another date with you, only if relax and exhale." She giggles and rests her head on my shoulder again.

I returned her back home despite myself not wanting to go. But I must not be greedy I told myself, gotta share her with her little puppers.

I smile small and breathe out. My shoulder started to relax and return to its normal non tensed state. I wanted to kick myself in many painful places. Never in my life have I ever been so embarrassed. But I mentally gave myself a pat on the back.

I whipped out my phone and sent her the bear hugging the pig sticker. It was just a little friend hug but my thumb hovered and contemplated whether or not I should've sent the kissing one. Too soon? Probabaly, but I just kissed her though.

Stephanie: cute. goodnight, my little brown bear. Xx

My heart swooned at my nickname. I'm her little bear, her little brown bear.

I felt butterflies having an intense wrestling match in my stomach.

I just had a date with a girl in a cute white dress that was leaning on my shoulder and was so close to me as we both stare into the sky.

Best of all, I'll have a second date with her as well.

Kim Taeyeon, you fucking scored.


	4. Uncertainty

Stephanie Hwang

He is one adorable person. My mind was occupied by him throughout the day and ever since the little 'date' on his boat I will never get over that day.

I can't get over how charming Taeng is. He treats me with such respect and tenderness, he isn't pushy or overbearing he's just right. He's playful and not serious most of the time. When I saw him step out of the car I felt like I was watching a commercial for a Gucci ad. His hair was combed over to the side and he was wearing a blue dress shirt that was rolled up to his elbows and wore a blue navy tie that rested upon his chest. I could smell his perfume; it smelt like clean sandalwood and I also got a whiff of his after shave too

It's as if everything bad was wiped away during that moment. My harsh memories, and my worries were gone. Like they disappeared, vanished and never to be seen again till it slowly crept up in my mind as the feeling of the day with Taengo went away slowly.

I've always had a habit of reacting negatively to someone's touches. But every time he touched me, it felt normal. In general, I just don't freak out anymore.

I couldn't stop thinking about him for a moment as days passed and my daily routine was ruined by him. Everything do, Taeyeon. Everything I see, Taeyeon. Everything I hear, Taeyeon. Everything I dream, Taeyeon. Like seriously he's so addictive, almost as addictive as those honey wheat pretzel snacks but we can compare him with those another time.

It's been a long time since I could be this free with a person, and just let loose. I could be myself around him; kind of.

But then again I felt I was falling for him too fast.

The night he saved me solidified that escalation of me tumbling right towards his heart.

Taeyeon-ah, what have you done to me?

Throughout the month we were like that, kind of like best friends in an instance. We had some things in common yes, but I've noticed he's kind of the quiet type, a 'home-fairy' if you will. Very introverted, reserved and calm. Very different from me but I guess they aren't wrong when they say opposites attract.

The more we hung out the more my doubts about him faded away. But the feeling still lingers there and I can't help but still feel a little cautious.

I was laying in bed watching Netflix when my phone started to ring. I look at my screen to see Taeyeon's dorky face plastered on it. He was calling and I was freaking out in my bed. I quickly slide to answer but with a lot of fumbling and happy squeals.

"Hello?"

"Hey buttercup, mind if your handsome bestie swing by for tonight?" He says super huskily through the phone and like how can someone not faint and die on the spot from that.

"H-here? Tonight? You? W-what's the occasion." I stutter like no tomorrow. Get it together oh my god.

"Am I not allowed to see my bestie?"

I'm literally holding onto the edge of my bed like I was going to die. I felt like hyperventilating but his voice on the other end brought me back.

"Uh, sure."

"Mkay, I'll be there at like 7 or some shit. Till then, don't miss me too much." He makes smoochy sounds and then hangs up.

I scramble out of bed and barge into the shower like it was nobody's business. I brought out my nicest shampoo and body wash, I even shaved my legs. Because no one knows whats going to happen, not that I'm anticipating it, but you still want to be safe. That's what I told myself anyway.

I wasn't even half dressed when he rang the doorbell. I scrambled to find a shirt and I stumbled over Prince.

"Yah! Trip me another time not now Prince!" I scold him and he lays on his back asking for a few belly rubs.

I checked myself in the mirror and wow, I look like a complete disaster. Taeyeon kept pushing the doorbell repeatedly, more like spammed it.

"I'll be there in a moment!" I shout and the ringing stops. Then he begins pushing it again but only faster. I swear he'll break my doorbell by the time I'm done. Gosh he's so annoying.

I yank the door to see a laughing Taeyeon barely keeping himself together. He held onto the wall as he looked like he was going to cry tears of laughter. "You are one impatient person." I glare at him and he's kneeling on the floor trying to regain the oxygen he lost while laughing at me.

Honestly, he looked like he's an angel fallen from heaven. Except that angel is an annoying Satan and that heaven is the deep depths of hell. He's attractive though, but he is so evil. His hair was so messy, not like the combed perfection I'm so used to seeing and his shirt was missing a few buttons from the top, I wonder why.

"Ha, did you miss me buttercakes? Nice hair by the way. Did you like the sick beat I made with your bell? I should drop a flaming mixtape." He walks past me and kicks his shoe off as well as his suit jacket before making his way into my living room.

"Taeyeon-ah! Do you have any morals? You're supposed to put your shoes away on the shoe rack, and pick up your jacket!" He shoos me away and kicks his feet up on a table before cracking open a can of coke.

"Man, the office was tough today. I hated it. I hate it with a passion. I was sitting at my desk bored as shit then I was like why not just head over to my best buddies place to have a little fun because I have nothing else to do tonight anyways."

"Uh, by having a little fun, you mean annoying me and being a brat."

"Ouch, feisty. What did you do to-" Prince starts barking effectively interrupting him as he runs around in circles till Taeyeon kneels and scoops him up in his arms.

"Hey little guy." He smiles at Prince then looks at me, giving me a sly smile too. I guess I was staring at him for too long.

"I know I'm good looking but you're drooling on the floor." This guy is so cocky, I don't even know if he's even joking about it. I turn around so he won't see me blush.

I can smell his sandalwood scent from all the way here and I'm about to faint. It smells so good, everyone need to get on that.

"Nice place you got, I really really really like the pink." He says in a sarcastic tone that earned him a gentle slap from me.

"My eyes, it hurts. Being blinded by this disgusting colour. Blue is better, just saying." He covers his eyes while Prince is trying to cling onto him. I head over to the takeout he brought over and start untying the bags.

"I like pink okay?" I mumble hoping he wouldn't hear it.

"Wow toots, I wouldn't have known by the amount of pink in this room eh? Pink curtains, pink couch, pinch cushions, pink rug. Hell, you might as well colour your dog pink, like dip him in a bucket of pink paint. Running little pink dog." He places Prince down and starts to snoop around my place.

"You're such a sarcastic ass." I push him away as I felt him breathing down my neck, I had regrets saying that.

"Language Ms. Hwang, no need to be vulgar. So stop fucking swearing will ya?" I couldn't keep a straight face, I laughed at his stupid self. Cute.

"I'm funny aren't I?" He said confidently. I rolled my eyes and that only fueled his relentless ever growing ego.

"In your dreams."

"You wanna know what I dream about every night?" He cocks his brows and winks at me while mouthing the words you and making a heart shape with his hands.

I shove a takeout box in his hands and push him to the living room as I kept looking down trying to avoid eye contact with him. I feel so nervous but I have nothing to be nervous about.

Wait yes I do, Kim Taeyeon the man on Men's Health Magazine for 4 consecutive times in a row is in my living room.

"Who's this somewhat handsome fellow that's not as handsome as me? Your boyfriend?" He said looking at me with curiosity.

I look up at the photo and see the collage of me and Nick. I forgot to take those down after we broke up 8 months ago.

I question myself too, it's been 8 months and he broke my heart and I still have pictures of him on my wall?

"He's my ex." I whisper, not wanting him to know.

He stood right in front of me. I could smell his sandalwood scent and the aftershave he used; my favourite. His pecs were practically bulging out of his dress shirt and I caught myself starring. I look up to catch his stern look. "I'm getting old, could you speak louder?" He says up close and personal with me.

"He's my ex." I say a little louder. Not wanting to look at him, I stare down at the floor and spin the ring on my finger. I didn't want to remember the pain Nick put me through, not right now, not with Tae around. I try to suppress the tears that were trying to creep up my eyes but I blinked them back.

Taeng squeezed my hand and tilted put his hand on my chin lifting my face to look at him. "Sorry, I didn't know. I won't ask anymore." He said with a half smile.

My heart was pounding looking at his eyes while his hand was in mind. Is this real life? Somebody pinch me.

Taeyeon chuckled and brought me over to the couch and opened the takeout boxes.

"Pizza, nuggets, chicken teriyaki? How do you know all my favourite foods?" I asked him raising an eyebrow.

"I just know." He smiled at the food then looked at me.

My heart melted. He's so charming. No seriously someone pinch me.

"Stop looking at me like that Hwang." He said sticking his tongue out.

"Stop looking at me like that Hwang." I imitated giving him my best Kim Taeyeon impression.

He scrunched his nose up and squinted his eyes and started clapping. "11/10, you deserve an Oscar."

"Stephanie, do you not have any other movies other than sad romantic chick flicks?" He asked not impressed by my DVD rack.

I frowned looking at him sending a glare at his way. "I'm a girl what do you expect, stop judging my movies or we can watch rain fall from the sky for the next hour." I say letting out huff.

"Cute."

Did he just call me cute? Yup, someone just smother me in a blanket and drag me down a hole because I can't afford to live anymore.

We sat side by side as we both faced the TV. He sucked up his food like he hadn't eaten in 100 hours.

"Wow, you eat like a horse."

"I haven't eaten since this morning. I just had a toast. So if you don't mind, you should turn around for like a minute or something because I'm going to look like the most unattractive grossest mutated thing on earth." He nudged me by my shoulder and I turn around slightly. His loud slurping ant obnoxious lip smacking made me turn around and his cheeks were full of food, he looked like a human squirrel.

"You should eat often, you can't live off a piece of toast everyday."

"Yeah yeah yeah, save the naggy mom talk for late buttercup, I got a hockey game to watch."

Suddenly he reaches over me to grab the remote stretching his long body in the process. His face was so close to mine, I could see his sharp jawline and his musky smooth scent. His hand slowly retreats brushing past my knees as it sends a shiver down my spine.

When I nervously looked up at him he has the sly smirk and I knew what he was going to say.

"Save it, I don't want to hear it." I mutter. He chuckles and nods giving me a thumbs up.

"By the way, I'm sorry if what I said early hit a soft spot. I'll tell you something about me so it won't be that awkward?" He says quietly, but it caught my attention.

"Wait what did you say? I don't think you said anything off-"

"The photos on your wall." He interrupts me while looking at me unimpressed. I feel like half the time I'm annoying him.

"Oh, um. Don't worry about it. It was nothing really."

"When I was 7 years old, my mother passed away. I was left with my dad and at the age of 9 I ran away because he was a piece of complete dog shit that deserves to rot in hell. I lived with my best friend, his parents gladly took me in and ever since then I've took it upon myself to take care of myself and make my mother proud. For my mother who's life long wish was to just see me be successful." Well that hit like a truck, he just told me like it was nothing but I saw the slight anger with a mixture of sadness in his eyes for a split second. He returned to eating and watching the TV as if everything was normal and he shrugged it off like no big deal.

"Too much? Too much. Well, you're the first person I've ever told that to so, take it how you want it." He says without sparing a glance to me. I didn't know what to do or say. Things got awkward real fast and the silence was stupidly embarrassing so I ended up poking his rib cage.

He squirms in his spot and starts attacking me back.

"Leave me alone, I'm trying to eat my food woman god damn it."

"Why can't you eat at your own house? Why did you have to come to mine?" I teased back.

"So you're saying you want me to leave?" He shot back at me and his glare intensifies.

"N-no, I'm just, ugh I don't even know." I stutter because in my head I told myself to not give him the answer he was expecting, but you know what I did? Gave him the answer he wanted to hear, I'm unbelievable.

"Thought so, you little midget." I hit his shoulder and he starts chuckling on the floor while scooting away from me.

"Yah! You're such an ass!" I said as he practically runs away from me.

We were like this for the next 6 hours, drinking, chatting, watching bad movies and teasing each other. Every time he looked at me I couldn't help but blush and look away, I don't think I've held a glance for over 2 seconds. Tonight I've learnt even more about this guy. But I frown at the thought of his childhood, he didn't grow up happy, so that was the thing I couldn't pinpoint about him when I met him.

His heart must've been through so much, he was lonely at times and I could see it when I looked at his eyes for 2 seconds. His cold eyes gave off an icy aura that looked aggressive and the 'I'm-going-to-strangle-you' type of feel, but when you look long enough, you can tell he's not okay.

Both of us struggled to stay up to watch the movie. We'd both occasional my yawn and try to hide it from each other. My mind just kept telling me to sleep and there was a couple of times I closed my eyes and slept for a few seconds before waking up in a split second to the feeling of my head accidentally hitting his shoulder because of how sleep deprived I was. I sat up straight and wiped the tears from my yawn.

We were in the middle of watching The Notebook till I somehow fell asleep on Taeyeon's lap. I shot up quickly and looked up at him. My hand was clenching his shirt and it was balled up tightly in my first. I quickly let it go and smooth the wrinkles out. "Sorry." I said with a sleepy tone, still smoothening on his shirt that I crumpled up. The shirts probably worth more than my TV.

I scooted away from him and sat up. Embarrassed to the bone that I slept on the mans lap.

"Dork." He said before throwing a plushy at me. I look around still dazed from my little nap and look at the time; 2:23 AM.

"Yo, you're cute. I watched the entire process of how you fell asleep. First, you started to yawn and you weren't able to sit up properly so you ended up half assing it and occasionally dozed off onto my lap. And when you did get up, you had trouble keeping your eyes open and you blinked a couple of times before rubbing your eyes cutely. Then you fell asleep on my lap like a fucking ogre. Still cute though." I didn't have the energy to fight back so instead I unexpectedly laid my head on his lap again, which to my surprise I didn't even know I had the guts to do.

I was beyond tired to even care anymore. I glance up at Tae again retreating my stare from the clock. "Do you want to sleepover?" When I realized what I have just said, I cup my hands on my mouth. I wanted to kick myself for just asking him that. Was I too tired to even care about my image anymore? Because it seems to me my conscious just likes to trash it and completely ruin it.

He stops and cracks a smile. I feel my cheeks burn a hot shade of red and my face warming up.

"Sure why not? You're returning the favour from last time right? Plus I get to spend more time with my bestie. " He said with a wink. He's so childish, but it still manages to make me blush.

Believe what you want Taeyeon-ah, I'm totally 'returning the favour' from that night I slept over; totally.

I walk towards the closet and pull out a blanket and pillow for him. "Here, I hope you don't mind sleeping on the couch." I said. Then Taeyeon starts to take off his shirt and tie and throwing them to the side before he started to unbuckle his belt.

"Tae, woah slow down there." I can feel the hotness rushing up my face as I turn my body against him.

"I can't sleep in a shirt it makes me uncomfortable, and pants make me itchy too." Even though my back was turned against him I can feel him giving me a little smug smirk. This guy I swear.

I turn around catching a glimpse of his back, his back was so smooth and built, and his muscles moved with him every time he shifted himself. I turn back quickly so he won't notice me sweating, I start to clean up acting as if I was doing something but really the thoughts of Taeng shirtless run through my mind.

"Like what you see?"

"I'm not even facing you!"

"I know you're checking me out, come on just admit I'm gorgeous." I start to feel giddy and wave him a good night before rushing to my room.

I close the door and lean on it, just realizing that Taeng was about to strip in front of me and was sleeping over at my place. I started to jump up and down running around my room before I see a picture frame of me and Nick on my bedside table. I couldn't stop the bad things from running through my mind again, and to know Taeyeon who I instinctively knew I had a crush on him was outside sleeping on my couch started to make me panic.

I can't let myself let someone have a grasp of my heart and squeeze at it like its some toy then throw it away after I'm no use and find another one to replace me. It hurt so much, it was almost unbearable to the point I had wanted to just end things right at the spot.

I look down to see the faded scar on my stomach and I knew I can't have it happen again. I can't trust anybody that easily, and with Taeyeon I knew we were a budding romance. But I can stop it here and save myself from a heartbreak. That's what I'll do, I'll stop it and end it. Or at least set some boundaries and we can remain close friends, because I do enjoy his company. He makes me feel a way that I've never felt before and I'd hate to lose that feeling.

I had trouble falling asleep as the thoughts lingered in my mind as my brain wouldn't shut up for a second. But when I did, I knew the first thing I had to do when I woke up was to end it.

I woke up and started to rub my eyes. It was well into the afternoon and when I remembered Tae had slept over I crawled into my bathroom furiously and frantically put myself together, I really didn't know why I was trying to impress him, but I was.

I rush out of my room while fixing my cardigan and shirt, I walk out and take a peek at the sleeping god on the couch. He was still asleep shirtless with Prince sleeping on his chest, I also noticed he wasn't wearing any pants but his boxers. The blanket I had given him fell to the floor.

I lean back against the wall and sigh as inappropriate thoughts started to flood my mind. How was I supposed to wake him up? I can't believe he didn't leave either. Do I wait for him to wake up or should I wake him up myself?

Taeng looked so angry when he slept, it was kind of cute. You could also hear his soft steady breathing along with Prince's.

I suddenly heard his phone ring and he groans, rolling around on the coach as he pats the floor searching for the device.

"Kim Taeyeon. Speak." He says groggily, patting prince on the head.

"Oh, hey. Juniel, right? Yeah. I'm free tonight. Dinner? Sure I'll come around 5. Oh, and wear the dress I told you I liked." He says with a tired smirk. Juniel. You're kidding right? She's like the biggest Kim Taeyeon fan out there. It doesn't help that she's also a well known singer too so she's famous.

My hands clenched into a fight fist, my heart was so bothered by this. I need to set myself straight; he isn't mine I'm not his. He's single and he has every right to be with someone else.

It still doesn't make it okay that the days he's not with me he could be with someone else. Flirting it up, going on other dates. Only when he's bored of them he'll come visit me, right?

I make my way to the kitchen and start making an all american style breakfast; pancakes, bacon, eggs and toast. Still trying to ignore the guy on my couch.

I turn around and let out a squeak as I see a half naked Tae sitting on the island counter with his hair sticking up and his face showing a tired expression. How long has he been there starring at me?

"Did you really have to do that?" I say angrily picking up the dropped eggs.

He started chuckling. "Well good morning to you too negative nancy." His morning voice was laced with sleep. He really did look like a cute bear.

I set a plate of breakfast in front of me and his eyes were in awe.

"What?"

"I've never had a proper breakfast in months, hell I don't even think I've seen a pancake since my childhood days." He smiles and starts to shovel food in his mouth as I took the chance to watch him. It brought a smile to my face yes but it soon faded as I was clouded with what I had to do.

"So, I was wondering if you know you want to have another so called 'date' with me again? I mean I kind of owe you for this one." He says with a mouth full of pancakes.

I've thought this through last night, I can't let it happen again is what I kept repeating over and over again. It's going to end up where it did 8 months ago, I can't go through another repeat.

Plus he has like another girl on the side if I say no. It doesn't even matter anymore.

"Um, no that's okay."

"Oh?" He places his utensils down rather quickly, and looks up into my eyes like he's searching for lies.

"I guess this was my way of repaying you back for taking care of me during that night and the day you took me boating. You don't owe me anything anymore Taeyeon-ah." I say as nicely as I can.

"Hm, you sure? Are you rejecting me because you're being sincere or are you pushing me away because you're afraid of something?" He read me like an open book and I turned away not wanting to see his face.

I stayed quiet looking at the leaves of the tree sway back and forth as I hear Taeyeon shuffle on his seat.

"You and I both know we have a little something happening. I thought we kind of wanted the same thing, no?" His husky deep voice penetrates my ears and I feel like he's getting a bit upset with me.

If he just wants to get into my pants then he can go to hell because this is really starting to look like it.

Why does he have to be so pushy.

I shake my head slightly and he sighs. I can hear him run his hand through his hair and smack the table.

I look down at my fidgeting fingers. I hear him stand up and he took the ring off my finger.

"Taeyeon, what are you doing? Give it back!" I reach over to try to grab it from him but he puts an arm out to stop me.

He slams his hand on the table and looks at me. "I notice you spin the ring on your finger when you're nervous, anxious, confused or upset. If you don't want to have a date with me fine, but don't tell me you don't want to see me because of the feelings you have for me."

I flinch at the sudden outburst and look away trying to break the harsh tension. Silence filled the atmosphere, and time slowly ticked by as Taeng and I looked at each other for the longest time. I wanted to look away again but those cold eyes told me not to. Tears threatening to fall from my eyes but I stand my ground not letting them fall.

Avoid, reject, deny, say no.

"I don't want to see you because of the feelings I don't have for you." I said quietly while looking straight at him.

His eyes dart around mine and he looks at me as if I'm bluffing. I've never been so intimidated and uncomfortable in my life. Only he can do such thing, and with that he places the ring in front of me and slips his shirt on before putting on his shoes.

"You can't just kiss me a few times and then tell me you don't have any feelings towards me. That isn't right." He spoke with such authority and it wasn't helping that his jaw was noticeably tight when he said it too.

I didn't say anything.

"Don't lead me on." He said through gritted teeth.

My eyes widened at his menacing tone. I didn't mean to. It's not like I wanted to lead him on.

"I don't want to even see you if you're just playing me." He sneered.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, getting a bit upset. You're a notorious player Taeng. You don't even know me yet you act as if I'm just messing with you, and for what?

Fame, money? I don't want any of that.

"I don't either." I reply back with my head down avoiding him. If he's still just trying to get me into his bed then I want nothing from him, absolutely nothing.

He stands in front of the door and looks at me and gives me a slight nod before turning the door knob and heading out. I saw his figure leave and a part of me told him to stay but I ultimately don't chase after him. He closes the door behind him and I asked myself if I had done the right thing.

The sadness surges up my body and I cried quietly in the living room as I cuddle Prince in my arms. I shouldn't be crying, but I am. Only because he's making me feel in ways that I can't describe. I can't seem to let him go, but a quick run through memory lane frightens me to make me afraid to try what is called love again.


	5. Coffee & Tea

Kim Taeyeon

"So, are we okay with the collaboration?"

"Yeah, I'll text you later when my agency gets the final papers ready." Juniel says, touching the side of my arm.

"Alright, I'll see you then." I replied, scratching the back of my head.

"Thanks Taeng, we'll talk again when we get things rolling with the project." I nod and send her off, but she stopped in her spot and gave me a little peck on my cheek. I merely smiled, watching her back disappear into the limo. I sighed and looked at my watch, just enough time to get back into the office and do a little bit of work.

Every now and then I'd check my phone for that little notification from Steph. It never did happen, but I understand. I guess.

I no longer pushed it. Just because I already did enough damage. Running out of her house in such hurry after accusing her of such thing, jumping into conclusions because I"m also a very insecure little punk that needs an answer right here right now.

I went into my office's lounge and sat down, scrolling on my phone when I heard a couple of fat footsteps approach me.

"Ayo, what's up Hyung?" I asked, kicking my feet up on the glass table cracking open a cold one.

"Stop. Don't ever call me that ever again. I feel old." Heechul says distastefully as he puts a box of pastries in the fridge.

"Aren't you going to greet me?" Kris asks, batting his eyelashes and clasping his hands like some little girl.

"No. Sheesh, why do you smell like . . . woman?" I waft the floral perfume smell away from my nose, as I eye my buddy who had a mischievous smile on his face.

He cocks a brow and pulls out a chair to sit close to me, so close that I had to lean all the way back because it's like he wanted to kiss me.

"I was on a date with Stephanie, so.." I spat out the coke I had in my mouth, angrily grasping the poor can till it turned into a mangled piece of metal in my hand. I started choking angrily and Heechul had to pat my back aggressively to coax me along.

"Y-You fucking what?!"

"Uh, I went on a date with Stephanie." He says seriously, and at this point my hand is just twitching.

"How?! Why would she go on a date with you?! Wait, how did you get her number? How did she even start talking to you?!" I angrily hit my fist on the table, standing up as my chest heaved.

"Taeng, the moment you talked to her at the Gala a week back she was literally the center of attention of tabloids. Everyone knows about her too now." Heechul reasoned, still with a stupid grin.

"Yo, bro. Just chill, I just went out with her for like a day. What's so wrong about tha-" I cut Kris off grabbing the lapels of his suit, yanking him up till his feet was just dangling an inch off the floor.

"You little piece of shit! She's mine and you knew that! What kind of fucking friend are you!" I shouted, shaking him harshly with him in my hands.

He didn't answer me at all, he just stared at me with a blank face. I wanted to slap him silly, to get him to answer me.

"Fucking say something! Best friend or not I'll smash your skull in! Don't touch what's mine!"

Kris didn't look shaken at all. Heechul didn't even step in to stop me. All I heard were their jeering laughter and claps.

"W-what?"

"Kim Taeyeon's finally settling down!" Kris bellowed out with such happiness.

Heechul couldn't stop laughing. He had his body all over the table, smacking the table in an absolute laughing fit. "Did you see his face? Holy crap he was going to beat the living shit out of you!"

I sat down in my chair, huffing out in frustration. Grabbing my mangled can of coke, I continued to take aggressive loud obnoxious sips from it as I see them try to calm down.

"Fucking assholes." I muttered with an unamused face.

"Oppa." Kris cooed, jutting his lips out as if I'm going to kiss him. I pinch his lips and he pulls back whining.

Heechul grabbed the box of tissue and started to dab away his tears of laughter. I just sat there planning 568 ways on how to kill and torture my besties.

"So, describe your future wife in 3 words"

"She's not my wife." I sighed out.

"Just answer the question Taengo."

"Cute lost dumpling."

Kris and Heechul deadpanned for the longest time, they simultaneously face palmed themselves pretty loudly.

"You can't be serious, how can you get girls with that type of flirting?"

"What? She really is like a cute little lost dumpling. Or she's like a tiny puppy. Puppy Hwang." I whispered the last part just because.

Despite the teasings and the encouragement for me to actually pursue a 'family' no one knew that me and her were on the rocks. I kind of bursted out on her and just left. I hope she knew I still wanted to see her.

Kris already bolted out of the office, probably going home to tend to his pet guinea pigs. Heechul was going to leave too but he turned on his heel and clicked his tongue catching my attention. "Oh yeah, how did your date with Juniel go."

"Can we not talk about that?"

"It's all over the news. Nice kiss by the way." He teased as he ruffled my head, from the back of my head I could see his smug smile. Hyung is always smug.

"She kissed me, not the other way around."

"How is your wife going to react?"

"She's not my wife, seriously drop that."

"She's going to be. I thought you and Stephanie were going to hit it off, why the sudden change?"

"It was a business dinner, kind of. We have that magazine photo shoot we are supposed to do okay? We just met up to talk about it. I don't really like her that way." I buried my head into my hands, still feeling guilty with Steph.

"Alright. Safe trips to Germany by the way, get me one of those caramel waffles or something. I like those. Bring mom a nice knitted scarf too." As with that he walks away, leaving me still alone staring at the blank screen of my phone.

"Yeah, see you in a couple of days Hyung."

I sat down in my private jet, scrolling through the horrible movie selections as I waited for take off. I heard the engines start roaring but when I get a phone call from the one I missed. I squinted at the screen. I was reluctant to take it, really. Why would she call me?

"Yeah? What's up my planes about to le-"

"I need to talk to you, please." It came out in an inaudible whisper.

"Taeyeon." She said with a quivering voice.

I unlatched my seatbelt and told the pilot to stop, I opened the latch to the door and waited for the stairs to unfold. My feet were getting jittery with nervousness so I kind of jogged on the spot cursing my plane for being so slow with the stairs.

I stepped out of the plane and waved my car over, asking the driver to speed through traffic. I clutched my phone, repeatedly texting and trying to text Stephanie after she called me but she didn't pick up.

I reached that familiar townhouse residential area and had to take a guess where her house was. Stupid townhouses. They all look the damn same, but I guess the little pink flower pot and the pink mailbox was a giveaway. I had to remember from the first day I came.

I knocked on her door twice, no response.

I stepped back just to see none of the lights had been lit up. The fear was kicking in and I called her cell phone again. I made my way to the back and saw her room was dimly lit up.

I mean, I'm no tree hugger but I guess I'll climb the one right beside me and jump onto her porch.

Damn I feel like Robin Hood.

And so I did, but I stumbled onto the balcony and hit my head on the railing. I looked through the glass and with the curtains draw it only gave me limited vision. I saw nothing but a night lamp lit up. I opened the balcony door surprisingly as I thought it was locked.

I gotta scold her for that someday.

I stepped inside gingerly, afraid that I'll set off any alarms or traps. Who knows, maybe she like has a tripwire connected to a rat trap or like you know in those movies where they have arrows flung at you when you step on a pressure plate. But no, I found the little pup sitting on the floor, burying her face in her knees as she leaned on the side of the bed.

She was shaking, and the muffled sound of sobs made me crack just a bit.

I mean, I've never seen her cry before but I knew something wasn't quite right with her. Not that she had lost some marbles, but with the fact that on the day of the gala and the day I came to her house in the first place she looked so sad.

It was weird you know. Her biggest charm has to be her eye smiles, but when she smiles at certain topics I bring up or talk to her about she doesn't smile fully to that extent.

"Fany-ah? Hey it's me. I know I shouldn't have came in through that way because obviously the chances of you thinking I was some stranger trying to rob you was probably 140%, I just had no choi-" She sat on my lap and buried her face right I my neck. Her hot tears started to trail down my neck, her breathing was right up my skin and I froze.

Uh, what do I do.

"Hey, you okay?"

I tried to bring her face up to see mine but she clung onto my chest like a damn clamp.

"Okay. Um. I won't leave for my trip then I guess." I muttered, nervously bringing my hand to pat her back. I've never consoled a crying person before so it was kind of awkward. She continued crying, and beside her was the phone that was on her lap.

I used my foot to slide it to me as I continued to pat the girls back. I picked up the phone with my freehand and scrolled through the messages.

Nick: I took all the money out of our joint account, you won't have a single penny left.

Nick: I dare you to try and leave me again. I dare you to try and date someone other than me. Kim Taeyeon? Are you kidding me Tiffany?

Stephanie: I'm sorry, please don't drain my bank account. I have nothing left and my rent is due in a week. I won't even have enough to buy myself dinner. Nick, please?

Nick: Come home to me.

I clenched her phone tightly in my hand and put it on the bed. I carried the hiccuping girl in my arms and sat on the bed.

"I can't go back. I can't."

"You won't." I sternly said, because it was a statement.

"He's going to come Taeyeon-ah, he's going to take me away." She choked out with a quivering voice, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand.

I felt so sad just watching her. I didn't know about this, she didn't tell me. Of course she wouldn't, why would she tell me so early on?

"Can you stay with someone in the meanwhile? Just until I get back?" She shook her head.

"I go to Sooyoung's house and he'll find me there, I go to Nicole's house he'll find me there. He knows everything Taetae. . everything."

I clenched my jaw, not knowing what to say with this girl crying on my lap.

"You're coming with me."

I had to go to the meeting oversees, doing business deals and whatnot. So I set her on the bed as she watched me pack her luggage. I waited outside was she packed up her personal belongings and when she was done I drove her to the airport.

She stepped foot inside my private jet and with a shy hand, wrapped her small hand on my two fingers and gently tugged at it.

I smiled at how shy and cute she can be, looking like a tiny duck.

"Yeah?"

"I don't mean to bother you." She says softly, oh god puppy Hwang.

"You're not. We'll deal with this when we get home okay?" I said gesturing her to one of the seats. I sit down right across from her and take out my laptop from my briefcase. I didn't really notice her till I looked up 2 hours later to see her sleeping so cutely on the chair in front of me.

I went over to hear and draped a blanket over her, feeling bad that I still haven't apologized to her after what had happened.

I opened her phone and turned it on, letting the endless amount of messages pour in.

Nick: Where are you?

Nick: Don't make me go on a wild goose chase for you Tiff.

Nick: You're with him aren't you! You ran to him!

Nick: I bet you fucking bitch told him about me!

I couldn't read anymore. I literally felt like poop.

Right, this was clear signs of abuse right. Abuse? I wonder if he had touched her. . .

I was already pushing it by reading her texts so I set it aside. I glanced up and was startled, like literally shook.

She was awake and she tiredly was watching me. I felt like a bandit got caught red handed.

"I-I. Okay, yeah I was reading it sorry."

She blinked a couple of times before fixing her pillow and snuggling closer into her blanket without a word.

"I'm sorry for what I said back at your house. It was totally uncalled for and unnecessary. I, I didn't mean it."

She hummed and opened her eyes drowsily. I was about to open my mouth and say more but she waved me off.

"It's really easy to tell that you feel guilty. I know Taetae, just leave it okay?" I nodded eagerly, looking to my side. I pressed the button and a set of juices in bottles emerged from the side cavity. I took a bottle out and handed it to her.

For the rest of the plane ride we didn't really say anything but I did occasionally look up from my laptop to check up on her.

When we landed we went straight to the hotel, in which I changed my one bed room into a two bedroom suite, with a living room that connected both of it together. I got her settled into her own bed and continued to work inside my room.

I cracked my neck and a few of my bones after proof reading my presentation, getting up to stretch my long limbs and take another sip of my coffee. I ran out of caffeine when I sipped on damn air, so I shuffled outside to get a much needed refill when a small lump was leaning against the open balcony door staring into the city lights.

I stared at her back, knowing how tensed and stressed she is. I tried to make as much sound as I could so she knew I was present. I didn't want to appear behind her back and spook her into a high pitched dolphin scream that could potentially lead to her kicking me for scaring her.

So I rustled with the coffee machine, coughing here and there to let my presence known. She turned around and gave me a little wave and turned back again.

I was stunned really, I didn't even get to wave back.

I took another cup out and filled it with tea, adding a packet of sugar and a cup of cream into it. Stirring it into perfection because mother always said a pretty cup of tea means pretty kids.

I went over to her carefully and nudged her shoulder, offering it to her.

She mumbled a thanks and cupped the tea with both of her hands, sipping on it.

"You're not sleeping?" I asked.

"A bit jet lagged." I nodded in agreement.

She turned her head towards me and I felt her stare at me a little long. I caught her eyes and she gave me a half smile.

"What? Something wrong with me?"

"No." She said, and I knew she hid her expression behind her cup.

"Liar."

"Your shirt. It's orange." She finally spoke, eyeing me once again. I felt so judged, but in a good way. I liked having her approval.

"What about my orange coloured shirt?"

"It's kind of ugly." My jaw dropped like a sack of potatoes. Me, ugly?! My shirt?! Ugly?

"Thanks for your opinion. I appreciate it." I said with a chuckle, laughing in my head at her observation.

"I don't really like the colour orange." She mumbled.

"I see, I'm going to take it that if this was pink you'd like it a lot more."

She scrunched up her face and shook her head, "It would still be an ugly shirt."

"I'm going to go change after this and you can't stop me." We both laughed, together. Like, actually laughed together. The burden on my shoulder slowly eased and I knew we would be okay.

I poked fun at her oversized shirt, saying how she could fit 4 more bodies inside of it. She retaliated back saying how my choice of polo shirts were the same as her granddads.

I told her she won our little scuffle, giving her the point. Taeyeon: 0, Stephanie 2.

"Can you tell me?" I suddenly asked when the room got too quiet.

"About?"

"Him." I instantly had regrets saying 'him' because maybe she isn't ready to share that with me.

"My ex, cheated on me. Got upset that I left him." She got straight to the point and said it without anything in her voice. Like it was natural.

"He must be dumb to cheat on someone like you." I muttered under my breath.

"Well he did." I wanted to kick myself. I said it too loud. I need to keep my thoughts in my head.

"He did things to me. He forced me to be with him again but I said no. He's been like this ever since."

"Did you tell someone?"

"My family, a couple of friends."

"So you just, ran away?"

"He knows where I am all the time. There's no point trying to run away. He's always there." She placed her tea cup down and went inside. I followed her, I don't know why I just did.

When she sat down on the couch in the living room, I took the spot next to her. "Why do you still have pictures of you and him in your house?"

"I don't know. It's messed up isn't it?" She laughed bitterly, playing with the cushion.

I shrugged, not knowing the answer to her question.

"It hurts Taeyeon-ah, I don't know if I still love him. I think I do but I don't."

Poor girl.

"You're scared to shits Fany-ah, I don't think you love him anymore. He's made you afraid."

"Taetae, let's not talk about this right now."

"You know we have to eventually when we go back right?" I say, crossing my legs infront of hers. I blocked her vision of the TV, so she has to look at my big head.

"He's done things to me okay? I-I. ." I stopped her and my brows furrowed, instantly cursing self in the head.

"Don't, say it. If you're not ready that is. Just when we go back. I need to know the basics." I am so eager to know so much more about this. I want to know who hurt her, how he hurt her, and to what extent did he hurt her.

She sighed and nodded, putting her hands up in defeat. I smiled at the act, I grabbed her soft hands into mine for no reason I just did. When it got too awkward with me just holding her hands I told her to wait and went into her room.

I went in and immediately went out. "Can I go in your room?"

"You just did without asking."

"Can I go in your room?" I repeated myself. She nodded with an amused expression.

I went inside, and eyed the pink luggage, opening it up and digging into the deep depths of it while avoiding her personal belongings. Like her bra and stuff. Which was really weird but I needed to find George.

With like 2 minutes of digging underneath a shit pile of clothes I grabbed the squishy guy's head and held him up like the scene from Lion King.

"Alright little guy. Try and play hide and seek with me again, I swear." I muttered. I walked out with the monkey plush behind my back, shuffling awkwardly towards her.

"If it's a deadly bomb, a fake cockroach, or fisheyes get it away from me."

"Don't worry, it's cute and fluffy."

"Did you pack Prince in my things?"

"My airplane does not accept any live animals as checked baggage; transport of live animals is prohibited." I announced, she finally laughed with those eyesmiles, I was relieved. I can make her laugh again.

"Plus, cute and fluffy could also mean me. I could've packed myself in your luggage." I continued to boast about myself till she got tired of my endless ramble and threw a cushion at me, urging me to tell her what I had behind my back.

I threw the plush in her lap and she immediately grabbed it and hugged it.

"Oh my god, you packed George?"

"Yup."

"I honestly feel really bad that I stole him from you." she said with a sigh, looking into the monkey's eyes like they were lovers. I'm lowkey jealous.

"So, are you going to give him back?"

"No. . ." she trailed off, hugging him harder.

I laid back onto the sofa, sprawling myself out and she playfully pushed one of my many limbs away, saying how I take up so much space. Can't blame me though, big 6'4 guy.

"Taetae?"

"Hm?"

"J-Juniel. Did you go on a date with her?"

Oh Fany, I'm so sorry.

"Yeah."

"Do you like her?"

"Fany-ah." My voice was like a lower octave. I sound like Darth Vader and I think she got scared.

"It wasn't a date, it was more of a business dinner."

"Business dinner? Taetae, everyone knows she has like the biggest crush on you. She even kissed you. ." Damn it she saw it.

"It was for a project, a collaboration if you will. Business, strictly business. Also, side note. I didn't kiss her back okay?" I had to defend myself at all costs, can't lose this puppers.

I felt like she didn't believe me but when I tugged at the monkey in her arms she looked up.

"I like you." I said softly, rubbing the back of my neck when I said it. Throw back to high school years.

I've never seen such a blank expression before, and it was coming from her. I hope I didn't say the wrong thing because that would be a very very bad thing. But I didn't expect her to say anything back anyways. She had kissed me so I think she would, or at least we'd be on the same page on these types of things.

She crawled onto my lap unexpectedly and curled up against me, nuzzling her face into my neck.

"Taetae, I like you too." She mumbled.

"I can't hear you, say it again?" I teased. She pinched my side and looked up at me with a frown.

"Sorry, kind of had to." I said with a big grin, tucking her hair behind her ear unconsciously. She had shied away from me again and we just sat there being a big lump, eventually falling asleep with her laying on my chest.

Her phone that was on the table had lit up, signaling an incoming message. I reached for it and read it, clenching my fists around it with anger seeping into my mind.


	6. What Are We?

Stephanie Hwang

My heart fluttered into bits when he told me he liked me. I liked him too, I'm sure now. Hearing him saying it puts aside all those doubts I had about him because no one starts a friendship first with an 'I like you.'

He asked for a friendship first. He didn't jump into the lovey-dovey relationship part, he's asking for a friendship which takes forever to build, a long time to cross before you even start to think about the next step. I adore him for because that's what I'm asking too; taking it slow.

I also realized that I really liked sleeping ontop of him, he's so warm and cuddly. I liked the arm he had around my back, like he was protecting me. Still, I couldn't help but feel like our position was a little, over the top? In a way, like it was kind of a big jump from a little kiss, or a 20 second hand hold.

I fell asleep on the guy and I enjoyed every bit of it.

When I woke up I slowly got off him but his arm was so strong, it basically was like a rubber band and it snapped me back in place not letting me leave. I had to wiggle my way free, replacing myself with a cushion in which he happily took in his sleep.

I couldn't find my phone anywhere but when he groaned and turned his body to the side, I found the device right in his hand.

I made another sneaky move to grab a notebook and swiftly changed it with my phone. He took the little bait again and snorted in his sleep.

Nick: i'll see you when you come home. :)

My fear started to instantly spring up again. I didn't want to go home, I wanted to stay here, or stay with Tae. Every time I go home I wonder if i'll live till the next day.

Sooyoung: girl, where are you?

Stephanie: I'm in Germany, with Tae ._.

Sooyoung: YOU'RE WHERE? WITH WHO?!

Stephanie: The really tall guy who kind of has a baby face. you know. . . that guy.

Sooyoung: no piggy, I don't know who _ .

Stephanie: That dinner party you dragged me to? You know to meet new people. :s

Sooyoung: oh my god, you mean that guy?! Kim Taeyeon?! Did you get laid?

Stephanie: WTF NO.

Sooyoung: WHY ARE YOU IN GERMANY WITH HIM OH MY GOD. SAVE IT, TELL ME WHEN YOU COME HOME. YOU'RE SAFE RIGHT?

Stephanie: Yes mom. :c

Sooyoung: k, if anything happens to you I'm blaming him :)

Sooyoung: aaand I want to hear your adventure with Taeyeon over dinner, you're paying.

Stephanie: Fine. ._.

I groaned at the impending dinner I'd have to attend to. Not really looking forward to discussing my crush with her. Only because she judges the crap out of anyone I happen to like and scold me for literally everything. Welp, perks of a best friend.

I just stayed at the hotel and walked along the nearby shops when Taeng had to do his business. Wasn't anything eventful and we went back to sleeping in our rooms for the next 2 nights. When we flew back he asked me if I wanted to have dinner at his place, I declined just because I already bothered him enough.

I followed Taeng back into his office because he had to get something. I only agreed because he told me he doesn't feel safe leaving me in his car. We bickered for like 10 minutes sitting in the parking lot with me defending myself saying how I am fully capable of sitting pretty in a car without anything happening. He opened the door of the car and unbuckled my seat belt for me and stood there till I got annoyed and went with him.

I was behind him like a duckling to a mother duck, following him like a train. His back was so big, so muscular and that suit just accelerated that even more. He looks like the freaking hulk.

I mean, because his back was so huge it covered most of my vision. Stephanie doesn't mind staring all day at his back though. But when eh abruptly stopped it made me walk right into his wall like body. I bounced off and was pretty angry at him.

"Yah! Don't stop in the middle of the hallway like that." I scolded, rubbing my nose.

When he didn't reply I stepped to the side of him and eyed his profile. He was breathing heavily, his face just dropped. If you could picture an angry Tae with fumes exiting through his nostrils and ears, and with flames in his eyes, that was him.

"Taetae?" I called, weirded out by him. I followed his line of sight and stood back a bit.

His entire office, specifically his office was trashed to no end. It was like a tornado ran across his room 50 times. Desks were flipped, chairs had no legs attached to them anymore, his shelf was overturned, pens papers folders were all over the place. Vases were smashed and paintings had a big large 'x' crossed in the middle of it with a knife, cut up and rendered useless.

I nervously fidgeted in my spot, knowing it could be him.

Taeng slowly walked up to a flipped over desk, touching it slightly only for it to literally disintegrate within his touch and fall apart. Wooden planks piled upon his feet and dust was everywhere.

I saw him clench his fist, and that sharp jaw of his and before I knew it I was under his cold icy glare again. I felt so shaky when he did that, like I didn't know him anymore. The scary part was, he didn't say anything. He as quiet, too quiet. I wanted to say he was almost calm, but I knew there was a storm brewing inside of him.

He broke the stare and glanced at a piece of paper on the desk, picking it up harshly and scanning it quickly before crumpling it up and throwing it on the ground. He stomped out of the office, bumping his shoulder into mine as I followed him but picking up that piece of paper and unraveling it.

Kim Taeyeon,

one chance. don't touch what's mine.

Below it was a stapled picture of us in Germany outside of the balcony in our hotel. Smiling, as we looked at each other with our cups of tea in our hands.

My hands trembled, barely holding the paper and picture still. How could he be everywhere, and so close.

We took the elevator down to the parking lot and I tried to catch up to his fast walking pace. He had long legs, taking longer strides than me s I had to basically run to match with him. I got more nervous and afraid as seconds passed. He wouldn't talk to me, and I knew it was him.

We walked into this secluded part of the parking lot, where there was a gated off area that I guess VIP's were only allowed to park there. He pushes a button on the remote he held and walked with such authority inside, practically stomping his way in.

I kept running and running and running in the big open area to him and when he stopped in the middle of the parking lot I stopped too. I stepped aside again, letting the sight of a smashed Ashton Martin sink into me.

If you wanted to piss the Kim Taeyeon off, it would be this.

He circled the car and then leaned against the concrete wall. His shoes crunched against the glass and when he inched the bumper on the floor with his foot it made this screeching sound that echoed in the lot.

"Taeyeon-ah." I softly said, afraid of anything that I'd do would provoke him.

"Stephanie, do you have any fucking idea who you dated?"

"A fucking triad member! He's part of a fucking criminal organization, he's a drug trafficker Fany-ah! A fucking gang member!"

I shook my head, desperate to defend myself not even knowing about him.

"How can you be so fucking clueless! Look! Look!" He shouts, pointing as his car before kicking the side of it denting the metal door with such force.

"You think he can single handedly do this himself?! He's got an entire posse doing this shit for him!"

"Taeyeon-ah, I'm sor-"

"You're sorry? You're sorry?! My office is a complete mess, my fucking car is destroyed and all you can say is fucking sorry?!"

My heart clenched, this wasn't the Taeyeon I knew.

"You know what, this wouldn't have fucking happened if I didn't stop my plane to check up on you."

I gulped the lump in my throat and stopped squeezing my fingers. I looked up at him with slightly teary eyes but ultimately with a death glare.

"You might as well say you wish you hadn't met me at the Gala." I muttered under my breath.

"You're right. I wish I never fucking met you at all, this wouldn't have happened in the first place if I hadn't met you." He spat out and angrily slammed his fist on the hood of his distorted car. He continued to kick around scraps and remains of his prized possession. Cursing at me while he's going at it with every part of his body.

I turned around and walked away.

"Tell me! Tell me what he did to you! I need to know!" I shook my head and quickened my pace, walking faster.

"Where the fuck are you going, huh? Going to run away from your problems like you always do?" He taunted, and within a flash he grabbed me by my arm jolting me and shaking me to make me look at him.

I was pretty sure I looked like a mess because I felt the hot tears drip on my hand, I couldn't take it anymore. Why does he have a way with words that hurt so much. We're friends and he's already have such a big affect on me and I just can't.

I tried tugging my hand and arm away from his hold, holding in my sobs as I bit my lip. When I couldn't seem to shake him off I hit him, I hit him harshly everywhere I could to make him release me but he held me so tightly.

"Listen to yourself Taeyeon-ah. The things that you're saying, are they okay?" I softly asked, muffling my sobs with my hand. He let me go and with soft eyes hugged me.

I pushed him away and stood back completely in tears and upset at myself.

"The things you say, they hurt. They hurt like when Nick touches me, when he slaps me." I said looking into his eyes. He looked down and nodded like he understood me but clearly he doesn't.

"Remember the things you said to me back at my house? How you told me not to lead you on, how you don't want to see me if I'm just 'playing' with your feelings? Do you know how shitty that made me feel?" He shook his head and looked guilty. He rubbed the back of his nape and looked away.

"Stephanie. . ."

"Taeyeon-ah, I told you to forget about that incident at my house for a reason. I thought you could be different. But when you say things like regretting that you even stepped out of your plane to console me, it makes me question my involvement with you."

"If I'm not enough for you, then please just tell me now?" I pleaded, desperate to know the answer.

When he kept rubbing his foot on the concrete floor without answering my question I walked away, frustrated and upset.

He called my name, once, twice? Not sure, it was all muddled out.

I stood beside a bus stop and wiped my tears away, getting my wallet out for the tap card. The bus slowly came my way and I waited patiently, tuning out all the sounds from my ears, fading out the movements made around me.

My legs treaded slowly into the back corner seat to the right, leaning against the window as the bus started to accelerate forward.

Stop after stop people came and go, just like how people come and go in your life. There's not a chance that people stay forever because at the end everyone gets off, or leaves eventually.

My eye caught the guy in the grey suit, slicked back hair and tired eyes. We met, once again.

He sat down a few seats infront of me in the empty bus. So close to me, when he could've just sat in the front and avoided me. The poor bus lights flickered every once and awhile, it shone on him with that blue tint. Made it look so depressing.

When we passed by Kingsway, I sat up a bit alerted. This was his stop, he just had to get off and walk 20 minutes up to his secluded hills.

I relaxed my back and kept scanning him over and over again, he fidgeted with a handkerchief in his hand, letting it slip inbetween his fingers. So smooth, so silky.

"You missed your stop."

"I guess I did." He replied, not so energetically.

I hummed, looking down at my hands that I had gripped and tugged at multiple times. A little habit that I couldn't get rid of. My fingers inched to the ring I had on my finger, spinning it once.

I turned it clockwise to see it go around my slim finger. I touched the side of t, feeling the engravings on it before pulling it off my hand and pocketing it.

It turned out to be my spot and I got up, not sparing a glance at him as I stepped out of the bus. I pulled my jacket closer to me putting my hands in my pocket as I walked briskly around the curb then straight.

I heard the clicks of shoes behind me and surprisingly I didn't quicken my pace. Those oxford shoes, that clicked so harmoniously in my ears. I knew the sound of his walk, I knew the sound of my favourite shoes.

I turned around and he was a few feet behind me, walking cautiously behind me still holding that piece of cloth in his hand so gingerly.

"What are you doing?"

"Making sure you get home safely."

I shook my head. "You should go home, it's night. My house is just up the block I'll be fine."

"He's capable of a lot of things Fany-ah."

"It's nothing I can't handle."

"It is something you can't handle. can you just let me, let me take care of you for once?"

"Let's do friendship." I blurted out. End it now, right? I'll end it now, spare us, or myself the heartache.

"What?"

"Friendship. The type of relationship where you don't care as much for the other person, you eave them alone and you disregard all feelings to having just a platonic relationship." He shook his head furiously, he ran up to me and grabbed my hand gently. He lead to me the bench and patted the spot beside him.

I sat down, and he sat down. Both of us didn't look at each other and it was incredibly awkward. It was like we were slanted 45 degrees away from each other on the bench and we both were fiddling with our hands not knowing what to say.

"No friendship. I can't. We can't. I told you that i liked you, you told me that you liked me. You're enough Fany, you're more than enough."

"So?" That came out a little too rough, sorry Tae.

"F-Fany-ah, I shouldn't have done or said any of that. There were boundaries and I crossed it without thinking much of it, I'm sorry. I know I say sorry a lot, I know that okay? I don't know what else to say because I screw up so many times and the only thing I know how to say to you is sorry."

"It's just Nick. Fany-ah, you have to tell me what he did to you. I need to know more, little bits here and there don't help. I need to know just how bad he hurt you."

"He-"

"Touched you, hit you, slapped you, kicked you. Tell me more."

I start tearing up and when it's too much he sighs and nods.

"I'll be patient this time. I'll hear it from you when you're ready."

He held my hand and I followed him obediently.

"I'm taking you to my house, just because I feel like he's sitting on your house waiting for the perfect moment to cause trouble."

The taxi ride to his house was quiet and awkward. The sight was a must see though, we rolled into an isolated part of the city where there were large rolling hills that lead to multi million mansions. We went into his section of the area that displayed a clear water front mansion that was sleek and modern, and beside it was a private beach that dipped into the sea that was connected to the house.

The first time I was in his house was when I was unconscious and battered. I left without even sparing another look at my surroundings.

My eyes widened at the sight, I've never left my small quaint little town house, seeing this was incredible. He opened the house with a pass code and finger scan. I stepped in and took my shoes off as I was greeted with the same black and white sleek modern look from his company building. He has a really nice taste in furniture. You could tell he was wealthy, but at the same time he didn't shower his home with expensive art or ridiculous gold plated items. It was just sleek and modern and spacious.

I walk into the living room and sat down, making my self at home while overseeing everything in the room trying to get a glimpse of what Tae was like outside of the office.

I made assumptions to what Tae liked. For example I thought he liked the colour navy blue because his rooms had that colour scheme, he liked hockey because of the memorabilia placed neatly in a glass cupboard, he enjoys expensive whisky and wines as shone in his alcoholic beverage rack, and he also likes the character Kaonashi?

I sat down in the middle of his living room, playing wit the stuffed toy still feeling a little weary about the two of us. He handed me a cup of tea and sat down beside me, crossing his legs till he rotated his body to face me.

"Can we start over?"

"What do you mean?"

"Hi, I'm Taeng." I smiled when I got what he meant.

"Hi, I'm Taeng's biggest nightmare." I teased. He had the most confused look ever.

We went back and forth, teasing each other till we rolled into a sofa laughing like hyenas when our eyes meet and we stare at each other. He looks into to my eyes like he's searching for something and at that moment I feel a part of my wall crumbling and succumbing to his look. He gives me a weak smile and brings his hand up to my fringe and tuck it behind my ear. My hand unconsciously wandered up to his face and I cup his well defined jaw before trailing my hand behind his ear and slowly play with it. We kept staring at each other like this looking into each other's eyes tenderly, none of us say a word.

I realized what we were doing before retreating my hand back and look the the other way. I get up and start to walk away not wanting him to see that vulnerable side of me, not yet, and not today.

I excuse myself and look behind me to see him in a kneeling position hovering at the spot I was just at. He looked hurt from my actions but I can't let him or myself do this. Leading him on was bad enough and even though I don't want to admit it; I know I'm starting to fall for him again.

I hear a soft knock on the bathroom door and I open it and crane my neck upwards to see him.

"Fany-ah, I'm sorry." He mutters, barely audible but I heard it.

I shut the bathroom for and start to walk back the living room which was in a mess with pillows and cushions all over the floor, game pieces scattered across the room and furniture slightly misplaced. We did all that, and in a matter of seconds it turned back into the awkward atmosphere of one person leaving the room and the other left alone to think about what they did wrong.

"You don't need to be sorry, it's just that I don't know what you want and what I want." I whisper

He grabs my hand and gives it a squeeze before speaking. "You're giving me so many mixed signals and you're leading me on, please just tell me what you're feeling."

I stare at the floor as I tell him how I really felt. "The thing is, I don't even know what I want Taetae, and I'm sorry for doing this. I don't know what we are. Half the time were friends and the other half were complete strangers in silence thinking about what had happened."

"Do you not like me? Are you not sure?" He says.

"Tae, it's not that I don't like you it's just me. I don't know if I'm even ready. I'm so scared Taeyeon-ah." I say with my voice shaking.

"Why do you look like you're in so much pain when you're with me or when we're having a little intimate moment? I feel like you're hurting every time I'm with you. I want to fix that, fix whatever is bothering you. You don't have to tell me what's wrong, but I just want you to know that I'll take care of you." He says with a sigh.

He places a hand on my back before pulling me into a hug. He rubs soothing circles on my back and I let out waves and waves of sobs and tears. Tears flowed continuously like I was the pacific ocean, and I only stopped to turn my face from his shoulder to gasp for air before returning to my past state and continue to cry my tear ducts out.

When I was only reduced to hiccups I looked up at his shoulder grimacing at the wet tear stained spots i had left on him.

"Better?" He asked I nodded still looking at his wet shirt.

"I made a mess."

"Well you are a mess." He teased with a little laugh. I hit him on the chest and frowned, pulling away from this donkey.

"Jokes, jokes. Let's get you upstairs hm?" He stood up and extended his hand, I room it and followed his pull and went upstairs with him.

We fought over who was sleeping where and he ultimately slept on the floor with an extra mattress parked right beside the bed I was sleeping on. He was practically right beside me really, except I was raised a foot off the floor because of the bed frame.

He's so close yet so far. Damn it.

"Good night Fany-ah."

I scotched to the end of the mattress and peeked down to see him. He looked so attractive with his hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling.

Wait he wasn't staring at the ceiling, he was staring back right at me looking at him. Oh my god.

I laid back on the bed, embarrassed to the max about what I just did. If I had known he was awake I wouldn't have stared at him in awe. Omo.

It was a couple of minutes later where I had the bright idea of dangling my arm off the bed, patting the side of the bed frame in search for Tae.

He seemed to catch on and he laced his hand with mine. I heard him chuckle and felt him graze my hand.

I peeked over the bed as I laid on my chest, hiding my shy face.

"Miss me?" He said, tugging my hand. He still had one hand behind his head which still made him look pretty cool. It didn't help that his abs looked even more pronounced as he stayed in that position.

"You wish."

"As a mater of fact. I do highly wish for you to miss my precious self. Makes me feel wanted and needed by a person." He says with a smug smile, like he's proud of himself for a that joke.

"Pfft. Precious my ass." I let go of his hand and I slid down to the mattress on the floor. I laid beside him with our shoulders touching as we stared at the ceiling.

"Nice for you to join me." He teased as he nudges me.

"I felt bad leaving you alone."

"As if, psht." He chuckles and I elbowed him lightly laughing along with him.

Was it hard to not stare at the hunky man with abs on display for me? Yup, very.

He turned to face me as he laid on his side with his head propped on his hand.

"What. Why are you looking at me like that." I turned to face him too but I laid on the pillow, too tired to look at him intently as he was with me.

He shrugs.

He pokes me in the cheek and then slumps back down on the mattress.

Taeng I'm giving you a blatant chance to get closer to me and potentially cuddle me to sleep. Oh my god take a hint.

He puffs his cheeks up and I sneaked a glance at him.

It went on for a couple of minutes and the frustrating angst of Taeyeon not even making a single move on me made me want to squeal.

I turned around and slipped myself into his chest, burying my face into his neck.

I breathed in that sweet wood smell of his and made sure I avoided all eye contact with him.

Sure, I did make a bold move on him but it's not like I had anything to lose. Plus, he took too long.

I felt like he didn't breathe at all. I look down and his chest was rising up or down. I finally craned my neck up to him and he stared at the ceiling with wide eyes.

"A girl just touched me oh my god." He wheezed out and finally exhaled.

It must've been 3 AM when I opened my eyes and saw the same shoulder I shut my eyes to. I glance up to see if he was sleeping, but to my surprise he combs my hair with his hand and gives me that reassuring smile; the one that whispers to you 'it's going to be okay.' He leans back and pushes my head onto his shoulder again and I snuggle into the warmth as he repeats the same circles on my back as I fight the urge to close my eyelids and fall asleep again.

I wake up to the sound of running water in the distant background. I slowly sit up from the soft padded mattress and feel the pillows and covers not knowing where I am. I rub my eyes feeling them swollen and dry. I look around and see a navy blue room with white accents. Books cluttered shelves and a desk with papers were slightly piled up which gave off a lived in feeling. I look around and see a head impression in a pillow, I immediately grab it and shove it in my face inhaling the scent. The familiar scent filled my nose; the clean sandalwood with a hint of his after shave, Tae's after shave.

"I see you're awake, good morning." I was startled and the first thing I did was throw his pillow across the room.

He looks at me with that stupid amused face I see him standing in the corridor to his bathroom. He wore nothing but a pair of black shorts and a towel hanging around his neck. His hair was wet and combed over and the remaining water on his chest glistened under the light. Seriously, a walking god. I didn't notice that I was starring when he walked over and closed my mouth with his hand. I blush looking away. Great, he definitely saw me staring.

"Enough staring Fany? I ran a bath for you in the tub, you should go in. There's towels, candles, and soap underneath the sink, I didn't know what you liked so I just left it up to you. I'll make breakfast for us, come down after you're done okay?" He says while rubbing the back of his neck with his head looking down. He's so cute Jesus Christ.

"Oh, and I don't really have clothes fit for a small 5'4 woman so I left a button down shirt for you. It might be too big but, I'm sure you'll make it fit, somehow like you did before."

I smile, and lift myself off the bed and walk towards him. I stand on my tippy toes and give a small kiss on his cheek.

This caught him off guard which was my plan, he stood there for a good minute and I could see him smiling like a goof despite seeing his back. I close the door and take off my dress and get in the bath, taking in the scent of lavender and his sandalwood body wash. I start to wonder if he cuddled me to sleep, or spooned me even. Did he even face me when I was sleeping? I reminisced about the words he said yesterday night, 'I want to fix that, fix everything that's bothering you . . . I'll take care of you . . .' I wasn't ready to hear those words yet. I really wasn't, it's still too early and I'm letting a complete stranger into my castle that I built walls for. He's a knight in shining armor that waltzed in and turned everything upright and patched holes into the broken cracks in my heart.

I dry myself off with the towel and comb my hair and pick up the button down on the counter. It was nice silky and smooth, it even smelt like him. I slipped it on and sure enough it was way too big for me, but it was enough to cover my ass and I'm sure he won't look at me anyway.

I walk down the marble stairs and the scent of bacon and eggs fill my nose. I see a tall half naked figure with a towel on his shoulder doing a little dance as he burns his hand on the scalding hot bacon. I run to him grabbing his hand and open the tap letting cold water hit his hand. He tried to pull away but then my motherly instincts of practically caring for twenty 5 year old kids kicked in and I yanked his hand back into the sink. I apply some burn cream and graze my thumb over it before giving it a small peck. "My booboo is better now." He says batting his eyelashes. I swear to god if I could push him off the cliff and roll his ass over and over again I would. That little smirk would be the death of me.

"Fany-ah, come sit and eat breakfast please." He says pulling out a chair for me before bowing and acting like a butler.

I sit down with him tucking my chair in for me, and take a spoonful of egg and eat my toast.

"It's the first time I've actually cooked for someone, you know?" Taeng plays with his fork and occasionally looked up at me.

"Well it's very good, thank you." I say patting his leg.

Lopsided grin with dimple is probably the only image that'll be engraved in my head forever now.

"Are you okay? You know after last night? My arm felt numb and it was about to fall off I swear. I brought you to sleep on the mattress when I knew you fell asleep again. Don't worry though, I didn't do anything." He asks, with his eyebrow raised.

I smile weakly and give him a nod. He places his fork down and sits closer to me. He rests his chin on his hands and stays in the position watching me eat.

"That's creepy stop. I was enjoying this nice view you have in the water front but then you came along."

"I am the nice view you should be looking at." He scowled and the sulked.

"I'm glad I'm the source for your troubles." I say proudly.

"You're also the source of my heartaches Miss Hwang." He fires back.

"You can practically have any person in the world, and yet you keep trying to see me. Why?" I say bluntly.

His eyes widen at the question, shocked at how sudden I blurted it out.

"What are we? Tell me Taeyeon."

I look into his eyes searching for answer, but it was like a repeat of what happened at my house. That night where he asked me to work for him but I wasn't able to squeak out an answer which left him hurt.

He furrows his eyebrow and leans back on the chair. "Fany, I don't want to push this on you. If you're not ready or whatever that's fine with me. It's n-"

I cut him off and ask him again. "Tae, what are we?"

Another moment of silence occurs. It's like a never ending cycle; happy one moment, blunt and sad in the next.

An audible sigh is heard in the silent room, and it echoes in the empty halls.

"We're whatever you want us to be." He says.

"Damn it Fany-ah, together. We can be that." He says touching my open palm and brushing my fingers. With a shy concentrated face, he laced his hand with mine. Squeezing it gently like he was reassuring me.


	7. Vengeance

Kim Taeyeon

"Did he do it?" I asked, clenching my fist.

Heechul nodded. "Security cameras showed him walking into your office before the feed got cut. But we did get actual footage of him vandalizing your car." He threw a flash drive to me but I smacked it away.

"You're sure it was him here? Who took the picture of us in Germany then?" I played with it in my hand, feeling powerless despite having this type of data.

"Not him that's for sure, but remember the Triad organization is based in areas all over Asia. It recently got expanded to Europe and North America. He's got eyes everywhere Taeng."

"No fuck it. I'm going to find him, and I'm going to kill him."

"You're kidding, right?"

"You think I'm kidding when he trashed my fucking office? Ruined my precious car? The next thing he's going to do is hurt Stephanie, way more than he did in the past."

"Taeng, you can't go back to that life anymore. We sworn out."

"I don't care. I still have connections. I'm going to find this fucker and beat his ass."

"And for what? For a girl?"

"What do you mean for a girl? I didn't mean for her to matter so much in my fucking life but when you take a good look at her you know behind that outgoing humble, kind personality and her signature eye smile, something is not right."

"Not right?"

"Who would want to hurt someone like her? How much hatred do someone have for her to make her life a living hell? That is what pisses me off Hyung. I'm not going to stand around and act clueless because it's happening right in front of my eyes."

Heechul just shook his head. I shrugged and walked away, bidding him a goodbye.

I made up my mind and I'm going to follow through with it. Nothing can stop me.

I arrived back home, expecting a small button to greet me. But I surprisingly didn't get one.

"Stephanie? Are you home? I bought ice cream?"

"I'm not playing hide and seek with you." I frowned, thinking maybe she's just playing games with me.

"Stephanie I'm serious." I said as i cautiously walked around the house, checking each and every room before finally ending up at hers.

I knocked on it twice before turning the handle of the door. I'm praying to god she's not changing because that would be awkward.

I'm also praying that if she is indeed sleeping, she doesn't sleep naked, just because.

I peered my head in and just saw a nicely made bed.

I stepped inside and saw that her phone was on the night table. I grabbed it and noticed she missed a few texts and calls from her friends.

I tucked the phone inside my jacket and went downstairs, inspecting the coat hanger and the shoe rack.

The left hook that usually hung up a beige coat was bare. The right side of my shoe rack was missing the pretty pair of sneakers she always liked to wear instead of heels because 'heels were too extra.'

My heart thumped. My fear creeped in and adrenaline stared pumping in my veins. I felt the rush and urgency of needing to find her because if I couldn't then I failed.

He'd beat me to her and I'd be shaken to the core with the fact that I left her alone when I shouldn't have.

I quickly got into my car and drove around the neighbourhood , circling around the hills before going downtown, Central Park and practically anywhere that I could remember her saying.

My last stop was her own house. I walked in and walked out with nothing, she wasn't there. Nothing was out of the ordinary in the house. No vandalism, no random note, no Stephanie.

I got into my car but not without taking another scan at the quiet neighbourhood. I revved the engine and gripped the steering wheel tight.

Cursing myself for not being able to find her, kicking myself for not knowing a lot about her. She could have had any little place she'd like to go to but I wouldn't know; she never told me.

Driving up to my house I was about to call the cops. I can't do this alone, i have no power.

The figure in the dark walking up on the sidewalk to my gated entrances made me drive up next to it and stop.

I opened the car door and she stood there, looking at me nervously.

"Get. In. The. Fucking. Car." I growled out. She quickly complied, not even putting a fight with me or saying a peep.

She looked down as I slammed the door shut. I shuffled and grabbed her by the arm roughly wanting her to pay attention to me and only me.

"Where the fuck were you? Why would you leave without leaving a note, taking your phone or at least telling me?! Do you know how worried I was?!" I shout and I felt like the glasses in my cupboard shook. My voice was straining at this point.

"I'm sorry."

I brushes my hair back out of frustration and turned around with anger. Sorry is just the word both of us know how to say. I've heard it so many times between us and I'm so tired of it.

"You're sorry? Do you understand how fucking scared I was for you? He could've been out there, you could've been in harms and I wouldn't be able to see you ever again if he found you! Do you realize what he's fucking capable of?!" I slammed my fist down on the hall table and she winced at the sound.

"I'm sorry." She whispers clutching her hand tightly.

"Where did you even go! Why did you leave the house?!" I shouted at her again, only for her to sink in my sight and flinch at my voice.

"I-I went to the store to buy you a handkerchief." She said so softly.

"Yo-You what?" I questioned.

"You have sectioned drawer of handkerchiefs, you know that collection? There's one spot that is missing and it's supposed to be a shade of blue. That is the one you gave me. I wanted to give you something back for letting me keep it so I went out and bought one for you." She reached into a black paper bag and opened the box, handing me a silky satin cloth.

"I was going to hand sew in your name. I didn't mean to make you worried and run around town looking for me." She says, extending her hand with the cloth urging me to take it.

I misunderstood her. Well shit, huh.

How did she know about my drawer full of handkerchiefs? It was a precious family heirloom that in every generation that it is passed down to, the recipient adds their own cloth with their name etched in the corner.

I gave away mine to her without even batting an eye. I just did it.

She gently smiles and gives it to me. I felt like a dick. Why am I such a donkey.

"Uh. So. Just, disregard everything I just said to you and pretend I asked you if penguins could fly, or why oranges smell like oranges." I stuttered.

"It's okay, I know why you'd be upset. I was just wondering, when can I go back home?"

"Uh. Not untill some time." I nervously said.

"I'm going to be staying at a friends house then."

"No, you're going to stay here."

"I don't want to be a bother to you Taeng, you've done enough."

"Will you just listen to me for once? stay with me, I have 7 bedrooms I don't use. My house is big enough for at least 367 dogs to live in. Also, this just got personal, between me and him. Did you forget who's office and car got wrecked?"

"Right." She sighed.

"I need to go out in a few minutes, so if you're going to leave the premises please call or at least say something?"

"Okay." I watched her as she turned around and went into the living room. That small tiny back, her little skip when she walked. How is she 26 is beyond me.

I held the cloth in my hand a little tighter before going upstairs and placing it beside my bedside, not wanting to lose it. Or stain it.

I waited till it was late enough to lurk in the dark without getting caught. Causing trouble is best done at night, not during the day where you're exposed by the daytime. Trust me, I would know.

I opened the door and went inside, wiping my shoes on the mat before shutting the door behind me but leaving it unlocked.

I dragged a chair in the middle of the living room, making it slant away from the windows. I turned on a table lamp and drew back all the curtains.

Then I played the waiting game. I sat on that chair with one light on in the middle of the night.

I played with the blade in my hand, flicking it as I held it between my thumb and forefinger. Growing tired of waiting for the damned Nick to show up.

When I heard the lock of the door turn, followed by the creak of the door, my body was riled up.

"Tiffany, honey. I'm home." He cooed. I heard that little chuckle and the end and I gripped the blade tighter in my hand.

Footsteps echoed in the halls and when the door shut I stood up and leaned against a wall next to the doorway.

"Don't be shy, I just want to take you home." He taunted. Heavy footsteps approached me slowly and it grew louder and louder the closer he got.

When he stepped foot into the kitchen area, I grabbed him by the neck and put him in a headlock, stuffing a dish towel in his mouth.

He struggled and thrashed in my hold, using his hands to yank at my one arm that was restricting his air ways. He tugged and tugged exhaling with such force that bits of spit was spewing out everywhere.

His legs became loose and when he had kicked my shin rather harshly as a last attempt to escape, I tightened my grip on him further. He wheezed, panted and choked.

I wouldn't say I was enjoying what I was doing but I didn't care. Everything was once again muddled.

All I thought about was how scared she could've been.

I elbowed his temple and that seemed to get him to be disorientated because I shoved him in the chair and strapped him in with rope as his head bobbed lifelessly.

"Do you even have any idea who I fucking am?" He spat out breathless.

I didn't answer. I didn't have to know. I didn't want to know.

"You're dead, you hear me? You're fucking dead!" He hollered. I punched him in the face to get him to shut up. I didn't know how angry I was but when my fist made contact with his nose, it crunched. Blood started to flow like a fountain and he grunted.

"I'm here to make your life a living hell." I said as nicely as I could but you can't really make that sound nice.

"Do you have any idea, who I am? Nichkhun?" I asked patting his cheek harshly. The blade in my hand scratching the chair. His eyes doubled in size, he started rattling in his chair.

"How do you know? How the fuck do you know!" I chuckled as he looked at me in fear.

"You shouldn't talk to your superior like that Nicky." I said, giving him another blow in the face.

"Superior?" He questions, his fear doubled. I unsheathed my blade from its cover and let it twinkle in his eyes. I brought it closer and closer till I pressed it against his neck. He leaned back, trying to get away from it but it was impossible.

"I used to be your boss. You wouldn't know because you're an irrelevanet little shit. A nobody." I growled, pressing the knife against his neck till droplets of blood stained the blade.

"How can a nobody have the guts to terroize a lonely bachelor like me? Trashing my office, ruining my car. Who did you send to Germany? Who took the fucking photo?"

"It was Siwon! It was Siwon!" Ah, Choi Siwon. Who would've known, with his english skills he was stationed in Germany. Then again I left 4 years ago, I knew nothing about the organization anymore. I left the life in the past, opting out to live a quiet life.

"Huh, you're a snitch. I guess a lowlife like you would resort to the 18K hm? Drug trafficking, loan sharking. What else have you done?" I saw him take the largest gulp. This wasn't anything out of the ordinary. I used to take on bigger jobs, threaten bigger clients. This was just a mere petty act I had to do because this fuck of a guy happened to mess with me.

"Beat your girlfriend?" He shook his head and I lost it. Fucking liar. How low can he get. I angled his face downwards making him look at his lap as I took his hands and snapped them back, hearing it crunch and his throats scream in agony.

"Fuck!" He hissed, kicking the ground.

"Your hands will never touch her again." I said with a pretty smile.

I felt my lips form a crazy grin and before I knew it I kicked his chair over and was swinging at him constantly, not letting him take a gasp of air as I hit him repeatedly in the face with my fist. He cupped his face, trying to cover the blows on it as I let my knuckles smash right into his face.

The blood kept splattering and run across his face, he looked like a ketchup packet gone wrong.

Anything he said I couldn't hear it. I tuned it out again, like I always do.

His head lolled to the side and who knows maybe I did beat him enough to kill him.

I propped his chair back up again and I swung the wrench behind and let it hit his hand. I could hear the bones just crack break and probabalt disentigrate as the steel head of the wrench made contact with his hand.

"Fuck! Stop!" He screamed. I punched him in the mouth and his tooth chipped, enough to cut my knuckle but my punch was enough to make his mouth bleed.

I swung the wrench again and this time I aimed for his knee cap. I felt in bliss crippling the guy who hurt someone so gentle and kind, so humble and selfless.

His leg dislocate and became displaced when the wrench landed on his leg. "Mm fuck you!" He grunts, clawing at the chairs side.

"Your legs will no longer be able to carry your shit self to see her, your legs will never be able to lay a foot on her." I let out a laughter, a laugh that seemed too empty because I just wanted to go home to see her. But I knew nothing would be right as long as he lived.

"Did you know, your eye is made up of fats and lipids which is basically a shock abosorber. So, when you take blows from soemthing, or from me your eyeball is protected to a certain extent, it just goes squish." I said with a crooked smile.

"Besides my sutdies in business, my minor was in biochemistry." He gave me the most confused look and I just laughed in his face.

"You're fucking crazy!" He wailed, terrified of little cute me.

"Ready for an ass beating?" He shook his head, shaking in his seat as he tried to slide his chair away from me with his foot. I just laughed, and laughed, and laughed and laughed.

"I'm going to make you my bitch tonight Nicky, you're going to wish you never touched Steph, you're going to regret messing with me. I'm going to torture you like you did to her." I whispered in his ear before landing a blow to his eye socket.

I whistled on the way back home. If anything, there was a little pep in my walk. I unlocked the door and my little piglet came out with small steps, smiling as she awkwardly waved at me.

"Hello."

"Hi Tae. Where'd you go?"

"Out. Did you just come back now?" I say, obersving that she was still in not-so-comfy clothes.

"Yeah I went in for the job interview, I'm going to be part time though."

"That's good. You get to be with mini drunk humans again." I joked.

"Only for 3 days of the week, the other two are with their other teacher. I swear, everyones getting pregnant these days because thats the reason why she's off so many days." She frowned, I'd frown too. All my friends are getting married, having kids and saying how great their lives were. Meanwhile, I like to stay at home, make cereal and watch cartoons.

But in my mind as she kept talking all I was seeing was little tiny bodies with my face on them as Stephanie was chasing those little humans around. Babies, yes. Specfically, mini mes. Kiddy's with her.

Why am I even fantasizing kids with her. We're not even married yet. I didn't even offically ask her out yet.

I pulled her into my hug suddenly startling her. But I patted her back gently, just wanting to hug her for awhile. Her hand crept to my side and went under my suit jacket to caress my back. She stepped back and looked at her hand and looked at me.

"W-Why are, why are you bleeding? Why are- Tae." She gasped and backed away.

"Wh-Where did you go Tae?" She uttered, looking at her slightly bloody hands.

She's a smart girl I told myself. She'll figure it out sooner or later.

"D-Did you hurt someone? Did you kill someone?" She said almsot inaudibly. I shook my head feriously. Oh god no, I didn't. I didn't kill anyone. I can't anymore, even if I wanted to. I can't.

"I'll tell you, when it's the right time. But I promise you, it's not alarming." I took her hand in mind and wiped it on my shirt. She was hesitent to hug me but I took initiation and wrapped her around me.

"You're mine." I say, pulling her away from my chest to cup her face. "You're mine." I repeated.

I trace her bottom lip with my thumb and lean in to give her a full kiss. I pull away and she looked up at me with big she glossy eyes and smiled those beautiful crescent shapes.

"Taetae." She whispered, and at that moment I waited for her to say something. Then I felt a little brush, a movement against my chest and I sighed in relief. knowing that her lips curved up into a shy smile that I felt.

I took her around my property, leading her to the shoreline behind my house. We kick off our shoes and we take a stroll along the beach.

"Can I hold your hand?" I asked.

She laughed so hard, taking her hand into mine before calling me a 'stupid bear.' She hid her blushing face into my shoulder and I didn't know what was so funny.

"Well this is romantic." She said kicking up some water that splashed my pants.

I shot a look at her, and she runs way from me giggling.

"Oi, comeback." I run after her trying to catch her as she mischievously tried to get away.

"Omo! Taeng put me down!" She shrieks as I catch her and lift her up into the air.

I put her down on her feet as she fixes her dress. I help her brush her hair back into place and stealthy sneak in little glances of her beautiful slim petite face.

"I don't appreciate the 10 minute stares you give me. Drooling perv." She says, pushing me along my shoulder.

I unconsciously reach up to my mouth to wipe away any salvia, but to find out I didn't have any falling out of my mouth.

"Gotcha." She says with a wink.

"Hey, you're calling me the creep? Have you seen yourself? I know you've been checking me out when I didn't have my shirt on. I know you like it." I say pulling off a smug look. She deadpanned and blinked.

I proceed to unbutton my shirt as slowly and sexily I could; like the hot walking Satan I am. Her eyes popped out of her sockets and she looked away. I roll my sleeves up before taking her hand into mine and planting a kiss on her cheek.

She tiptoes on her feet and wraps her arms around my neck as she also responds back with a kiss on my cheek."You're an ass you know." She says snuggling into my neck. "What's new?" I say as she chuckles to my response.I pick her up again and let her legs wrap around my waist as I walk into the secluded area I intended to show her.

Along the shoreline, if you kept walking north you would reach a heavily vegetated area that had a path etched out of stones on the ground that lead to an enclosed river with a mini waterfall.

I hear her gasp and her breath hitched as I continue to piggy back her to my special place.

"It's beautiful Taetae, I wouldn't have guessed this existed if you hadn't brought me here." She jumps off my back and runs into the water; dress and all.

"It's my secret hideout, I like to come out here to get away from the media or the office." I take off my shirt and dive right into the water with her. Immediately she wraps her arms around my neck again and we listen to the calming sounds of a rushing waterfall and look up to a dreamy cocktail of a blue, red and orange sky that was painted above us.

"I've never brought anyone here before." I say letting her hold on to me like a koala as we float in the water.

"Such a sweet talker Taebear." She giggles.

"Taebear? Where did that come from?"' I ask raising an eyebrow.

She reaches up and starts to rub my frown down. "Stop doing that, if you keep it up soon you'll have old ugly wrinkly creases permanently stuck there. Like the chef guy, Gordon Ramsey or whatever." I smile at her doing.

She smiles back and leans on my shoulder."You're like a big squishy warm cuddly bear, and plus Tae's a hard name to come up with a nickname for."

Taebear? Jesus Christ, that nickname is so cheesy and cringe.

"Then can I call you, Miyoung? Tippachan? Tippani? Patini? Pany? Puppy Hwang? Fany? Piggy? Pink Piggy? Pink Piggy that eats a shit ton?"

I've never felt my ear being twisted that hard in my life. I have regrets, major regrets.

Step 1: Never call her Piggy or Miyoung.

Step 2: Never call her Pink Piggy that eats a shit ton. (Unless you want to die.)

Step 3: Angry Steph is no bueno.

Both of us splash in the water admiring the extreme beauty of the environment. If you listened carefully, you click hear the splashing of water on rocks that made a slight melody as it harmonized with the wind surging through leaves and branches around us. It was a beautiful calming sound that let me vent, relax, and escape from reality; much like how Steph was. Instead, she was a walking version of this that created a purpose for me to live.

She was in a way my stress reliever and helped me relax. She let me escape from reality and focus my attention on the important things in life, like her. She hasn't know this yet but with time I want to show her how much she already meant to me despite knowing her for a short period of time.

"You know. . I've never been serious before. Like, with a pretty girl like you."

"Wo- I don't even know what to say. Can we make up some rules before I actually date you? Like you need to stop those horrible pick up lines." She rolls her eyes.

"Hehe. I'm serious." I give a cheeky grin.

"I don't take you as the romantic type Tae"

We both chuckle and hold hands. "I'm not, but if it makes you fall in love with a Prince Charming then I'll sacrifice my dignity and man points for it. I'll charm your pretty little head off."

"Man points." Stephanie repeats while gesturing air quotation marks.

"You're hurting my pride Fany-ah."

"What pride? You mean your non existent one?"

"So mean. What's with the sass? Sassy Stephanie." I huffed.

"You're easy to tease Taeyeon-ah." She pinches my cheeks and clings closer to my arm.

I pull her away from the little river and hand her my button down I carelessly threw on the ground before. We were both soaking wet looking up at the sun set. She stands on her toes and combs my wet hair to the side and I do the same, admiring her under the newly lit sky. I help her slip on the shirt and stand back to admire the small goddess.

With every button I did for her I looked at her and she was blushing and so shy. I found it adorable but I could feel myself getting a little shy too. When I was done she touched my hand softly with her and held it in her grasp gently.

The walk back to the house was silent, but content. A silence where both of us don't need words to say how we feel, just expressions to explain our thoughts. We walked hand in hand slowly, as I was trying to savour every moment with her. Steph's petite hands fit in mine like a puzzle. It felt like home. Every once in a while I'd look down and graze her hand with my thumb. I noticed the ring on her finger was gone. She always played with it when she's anxious and I want her to stop it. If that ring had any significant ties to her ex, then I'd break it in a fucking heartbeat and replace it with a ring of my own; claiming her mine.

When she started to hold my arm tightly and whimper, I immediately got concerned.

"What's wrong? You okay?"

"Taetae, I think I stepped on something sharp." She whispers and it was so cute she looked so vulnerable.

I carry her on my back quickly and rest her above the wooden boardwalk before disappearing into the house and coming back with a first aid kit. I step down a few steps into the stand and she looks like a queen perched on a wooden board looking down at me with her arms rested on the wooden railing. Her feet were swinging and dangling off the board and she looked so cute. But the red drips of blood on the sand caught my attention.

"You cut your foot, it's bleeding Fany-ah."

She nods meekly and I gently grab her foot and clean it with alcohol. She winces at the pain and tries to pull back but I patted her leg and smiled at her.

"If you keep pulling back I have no choice but to shove this in your cut and leave it there." She poked me with her foot and I'll take it as a protest.

She bit her bottom lip as I wrapped gauze on her foot, when I looked back up she looked at me softly her eyes were glossy and she looked like she was going to cry.

"Hey, it's okay. It'll be alright it's just a small cut. Never mind, I lied its a little deep but it will heal." She chortles and I stretch my arms out for her to jump into my arms.

She hesitates at first but I jokingly yanked at her legs and she yelled and screamed holding onto the railing for dear life.

"Taeyeon-ah! Don't don't do that!" She scolds me and throws a piece of dead wood at my head. I had to dodge that or I'm sure it would've left splinters in my face.

It took another 15 minutes of coaxing and promises of food till I got her to take a risk and jump. It wasn't even that high of a jump but when she did her arm accidently smacked my forehead, sending me into a daze. I brought her over to the sand and nestled her onto the rock.

"What are you going to do Taetae? Serenade me? Dance for me?"

I smirk and start to awkwardly shuffle along the sand. She bursts out laughing and I wanted to hear it again so I dance like a white dad would at a bbq party.

She giggled and covers her eyes only seeing me through her fingers. I've never seen such a lovely smile before. When I first met her, I've never seen anything so perfect.

I tired myself out doing random dances before sitting beside her looking at the sunset.

"Cute, Taetae." She wraps her arms around my bicep and leans against my shoulder.

"Wait, I got one more trick up my sleeve." She looks at me with a cocked brow and I move into the damper sand. I dig up the wet grains and sculpt it with my hands, she was a few feet away from me and I saw her eyeing me from the corner of my eye. I continued shaping the figure before picking up a few sticks off the ground to add to my masterpiece.

I carry her on my back and bring her to the art piece.

"Ta-da, it's you. Piggy."

She chuckles into my shoulder when she saw my sand portrait of a pig. She smacked the back of my head and I tighten my hold on her.

"You're so weird, it's almost embarassing."

I smiled shaking my head and she kisses the back of my ear and rests her head beside me. Every now and then I'd kiss her cheek as it was so conveniently close to me.

I walked back up the hill and onto the trail being mindful of her injured foot. She hummed a cute tone as I made my way back to the house.

"Stay?" I abruptly blurt out breaking the silence.

She hums a barely audible 'mhm' and I hold her hand tighter.

We approach the house and she squeals, getting off my back and runs away from me.

"Wait what? What's wrong? Do I smell bad?" I lift my arms up to get a whiff of myself. Eh, the body odour wasn't too bad.

"Omo, Tae, Tae, Tae, there's a bug on your shoulder kill it!" She shrieks and runs farther from me.

"Aye, your footsies is fragile! Be careful!" I shouted at the mini Olympic sprinter.

I crane my neck to my right shoulder and see a cockroach like creature on my shoulder. Jesus fucking Christ how dare they rest upon a gods shoulder without permission. I flick the insect off and pretend to pick it up. Instead I pick up a dark small stone and start to make my way to Steph, who is watching from a far.

She screams and darts for the door, struggling to open it. I give her my best satanic laugh and chase her around the backyard with the pebble. Her shrieks were literally deafening. She stands behind the bbq and I circle around it.

"Taeng I swear to god stop."

We continue to run around the pool as she screams some more.

"I hate you so much!"

Now this, is the entertainment I'd pay to see.

"Tae I'll start crying leave me alone." She whines as she runs behind the garage.

I go counterclockwise and sneak up behind her and tap her shoulder.

"Oh my god!"

The best part was when I threw the small pebble at her and she gave me a little dance show, screaming and hopping around shaking her dress.

I'm pretty sure I've lost like 70% of my hearing after I was done.

I couldn't stop laughing, it was at that point where I'm holding onto the garage wall propping myself up on the wall as I struggle to regain my breath.

"Ow ow ow ow, mercy mercy mercy!"

Why do small girls hurt the most? The twist on my ear was enough to make me piss my pants.

"I hate you. I hate you. I hate you." She says dragging me into the house.

"Don't lie to yourself, you like this hot piece of God." I say following her with my head tilted to lessen the force on my ear.

She twists it even harder. "You have the nerve to say that after you did that to me? I hate bugs so much."

It's going to bruise, someone send help my ear.

"Aight aight, m'am please lessen the ever growing force on my ear, I'll make it up to you." I say cupping the hand on my ear.

She drags me upstairs and grabs a pillow and blanket before plopping it on the floor and gesturing a finger to it.

"Tonight you sleep on the ground."

"But this is my house! I live here!"

She shrugs and turns away from me.

"I invited you to stay the night! Fany-ah!" I whined. She huffs and leaves me alone to my tantrum.

Well shit, I just ruined all my chances to finally wrap my arms around her and cuddle. I didn't even protest after she declared my habitat for the night. All men like to cuddle, it's a fact. Even the manliest man on earth likes to cuddle. Spooning is a definite must too, but there goes my chances.

That night where I carried her sleeping body into my room after she cried her eyes out, I laid her down my bed and didn't even dare touch her after that. I left her on the left side of my bed with her face turned to me. All night I just stared at her sleeping face, looking at the expressions made as she slept. She slept without peace and whimpered every hour or started to move her arms, and ultimately grabbed for my hand. I held it tight for the rest of the night and she relaxed immediately. But I kept my distance anyways, not wanting to do something I'd regret later. But to me, not being able to touch her the way a lover does was torture.

I snap out of my thoughts when I hear soft padded foot steps echo into the corridor of my bathroom. She slips out of my shirt and let's it slowly drop on the floor. She glances back at me and shoots a wink at me as she steps into the bathroom and the automatic doors close.

God damn tease.

I lay on the floor day dreaming about her as she takes her shower.

I start laughing for no reason, loving the fact that she's mine. When the door clicked I lifted my heavy head up, doing a mini sit up.

Freshly out of the shower was a small nugget who crawled in my bed and looked down upon me like she had the world in her hands. She turns her body to face me and giggles at the sight of me on the floor with my knees up to my chest.

"Yo, this floor ain't comfortable homie. Help a brother out man."

"You deserve it." She says with a huff and turns the other way.

"I can't believe I'm going to sleep on the floor because you told me so."

"You signed up for this, so deal with it Mr. Kim."

"Stepanni." I whine and call out for her.

I sit up and stare at her back for a solid 10 minutes when I began to hear her calm, shallow breathing. She fell asleep just like that, wow. I want to grab her right now and hold her in between my chest and under my chin, tucking her in. But I couldn't do that. I lay back down letting my back hit the cold hardwood floor. Haven't even been dating for a day yet and I'm already being scolded and punished.

But we all know I'm not going to be sleeping on the floor when the sun rises. Taeng's not going to let this moment pass up for even just a second.

I couldn't sleep as I shuffled my sheets everywhere and turned my body in every position possible. I heard a small sigh and a whimper that caught my attention. Is she having a nightmare? I immediately shot up and sat on the edge of the bed hovering my hand over her shoulder. Her body jerks, and she begins to feel the empty space beside her. "No. . please." She mumbles incoherent words and I couldn't take it anymore.

"I didn't mean to . . "

"Don't hurt . . please" She continues stopping mid sentences.

"Fany-ah." I call out.

"I'm sorry . . don't leave me." She whispers.

"Steph, wake up you're having a bad dream." I reach over to her and slowly shake her.

She whimpers and her eyes shot wide open, her body trembling and there was cold sweat. Tears immediately filled her eyes and she unexpectedly crawled to my lap and straddled my hips. I bring her head closer to me and soothe her.

"It's okay, I'm here."

She cries silently while gripping my shirt.

"Shh, shh baby, no ones going to hurt you it was just a bad dream."

"He hit me Taeyeon-ah, he hit me." She said sniffling as she hooked her hand onto my ear. Her body shook violently as she cried hard onto my shoulder.

I sighed. If it's who I think it is.

I rub her back as she continues to rub my ear. "Who hit you? Fany-ah tell me. Was it in your dream? Or . . "

She wrapped her arms around my neck and started to calm down.

"Him, Nick." She said quietly tightening her hold on me.

My eyes shot wide open. With him gone, the memories still last. I can't do anything about that.

"Nick, that ex. That same one who left you for another woman. The one who did all those things to you right?" I clench my fists suppressing my anger as to not scare Steph. The thought of him hitting Steph; or any girl in that matter made my blood boil.

She nods her head slightly and rests her head on my shoulder.

"I'll never do that to you." I say laying both of us down in the bed. I grab the blanket and cover our bodies. She snuggles up to me like a magnet and lays her head on my shoulder.

"He hit me when ever I left the house, or talked to another man besides him. He rarely let me out of the house and if he did, he would track my every move. I felt like I was in prison, being held captive. Sometimes he comes home drunk and takes his anger out on me." She mumbles quietly but loud enough that I could hear.

I can feel my hand starting to twitch as she continues.

"I don't know why I still thought of him when he left me for another woman. I thought about him everyday, and asked myself what was wrong with me? Why did he leave me? I thought he loved me."

"He's still out there looking for his revenge, and I'm like a sitting duck. He's going to come for me Taeng." Oh, so little does she know.

I feel a little bit of myself die on the inside. I clutch her hand bring it to my lips and give it a tender kiss. She must've been hurting so bad. How can she still love that man after he beat her, and left her. She doesn't know the emotion love anymore, and all her trust diminished when she was with him.I'm no longer angry. Sadness just takes over my body and rises through every vein and cell.

"Does this happen every night? I mean you having nightmares?"

She doesn't speak but runs her fingers through my hand.

"How long have you been like this? Why haven't you said anything?"

The sound of ocean waves crashing on the shoreline is repeated over and over again.

"Please don't go, I need you. Just for today please Tae." She pleads giving my shoulder a tight squeeze.

"I won't, I'll be here when you wake up. I promise." I cradled her to sleep while smoothing the messy fringe in front of her blood shot eyes and tucking her underneath my chin letting her rub my ear.

The sound of a rhythmic calm breathing surrounded the bedroom, and I knew she was fast asleep. I never moved from my position, afraid that I'd wake the sleeping girl on top of me. She would occasionally mumble some words, and hit my chest lightly which caused my heart to crumble even more.

The days spent with her have been like a roller coaster. Up and down, up and down. Feelings were sprawled everywhere and there were many times that she just broke down crying. I want to get past this 'little bump' and go on to the happier side of things.

In a matter of a day or so, she opened up to me about the most critical points of why her smile is broken, and her eyes seemed distraught. I didn't expect the smiley, bright bubbly girl to be so damaged. Now that I think about it, some of her glances did show signs of being crippled and afraid. When she pulled away from my advances, it wasn't because she didn't have the same feelings for me. It was because of what had happened to her. she could no longer trust or love the same way again. She's just afraid, and I'm going to be the one to build her crumbling walls back into pristine condition and make her smile.

Never stop smiling Fany-ah, never.


	8. I Like You

Stephanie Hwang

We walked along the seawall after our dinner at a restaurant. It was nothing special, it just involved me staring at Tae ad he hulked through his plate of food aggressively.

He held my hand and swung it a bit as we walked slowly, I looked down at it a couple of time loving the way my hand fit into his. There were times where my past lover's hands were too big, too meaty and my small petite hand was basically crushed in their hold. But with Tae it wasn't.

He had this odd little quirk though, his hands often got clammy and he often released our clasp to wipe it on his pants. I thought it was just a normal thing, you know to have sweaty palms but when I asked him why, he muttered 'because I'm shy. . . and a little nervous." Since then I've never stopped teasing him about it.

"Is it time for your 3 minute break of wiping your hands dry?" I teased.

He sulked and put his hands on his hips, pausing in the middle of the sidewalk to stare me down. I just pranced forward, looking at behind me to see him in the same position sighing.

"Come on clammy Taeyeonie."

"I'm just kind of freaking out from a pretty girl like you." I turned around and hid my ever blushing face and skipped away.

He ran back all the way to me and caught up, showing off how his long legs were stronger, faster and better than me.

"Run faster short stuff! Let's get to the playground before any of the kids do!"

I run faster as my short legs would allow me.

I sat down on the swing and watched as he climbed the monkey bars, making silly faces to me as he swung so gracefully from bar to bar.

I didn't realize he slipped and plopped onto the floor when I looked up from my lap and found him missing.

"Ow."

"Ouch, are you okay Taetae?" I asked, still seated looking at the puddle of human on the gravel.

"Ow." He groaned, getting up to pat himself down.

He starts running towards me with a cheeky grin and suddenly pushes me on the swing and I literally screamed so loud he had to step aside and cover his ears.

"Yah! At least tell me you're going to do that!"

"But I wanted to push you on the swingsies." He said, getting behind me to push me again.

Well, if you see a suited tall male push a grown adult female at 7 PM in a playground, that's us.

I was having my short lived child experience till he suddenly abruptly pulled the swing to a stop and took off his jacket with a clear frown on his face.

"What? Why did you stop me from touching the sky you donkey." I teased, but I shut my lips closed when he let out a grunt and shook the jacket in his hand, making me look at it with wonder.

"What about your jacket?"

"Take it and cover your legs."

"What? No. Why would I wanna do that." I hissed. He glared at me and draped his suit jacket over my legs, pushing it up till it reached the hem of my dress.

"People are staring Fany-ah. They're looking at you like some damn prey." He growled, eyeing every person that happened to pass by. I raised a brow, finding him actually really cute like this.

"You know what, lets go home. It's not safe out here anymore and you're going to catch a cold."

"No, you're just worried someone's going to come in and snatch me away."

"Maybe. Alright let's go pip-squeak."

"Are you jealous Taetae?" I dared myself to ask.

"If I say yes will you never ask me that question ever again because it's kind of embarrassing?"

"Maybe."

"Then yes, I Kim Taeyeon is jealous of all the creepy perverts staring at my girlfriend." I let the words 'my girlfriend' sink in. Oh my god, I'm his. He really said it, it's like official now. I literally fangirled so hard inside.

"Taetae." I whined. He stood infront of me like he was shielding me from the eyes of everyone.

"Get up, nugget. Let's go."

"But I actually like it out here." I whined some more, not caring that people were staring at me because I just only want my hunky CEO badass.

"No you don't, stop being a stubby penguin and let's leave. I'll even carry you." I got off the swing and he crouched down for me to get on his back. I nudged his backside with my knee till he fell down.

"Bully." He says with a cute pout.

"Says you."

"Whatever, hurry up and go to your assigned seating piggy." I climbed onto his back and he got up effortlessly, walking at a moderate speed as I rested my chin on his shoulder.

He turned his head slightly to see my head bobbing with every step he took and I saw his half grin.

"Taetae." I said, kissing him on his cheek.

"Yes darling?"

"Ew, please don't say that again."

"Okay, honey."

"Taeyeon, stop."

"Whatever you say, hun."

I flicked his ear and frowned. "Take me home."

"Wait, no I'm sorry."

"I want to go home." I repeated, sliding off his back and fixing my dress.

"My house is your home."

"No it's not, I want to go home."

"Then I'm going with you." He links arms with me and drags me to the car, no matter how hard I pull at him I feel like a tumbleweed.

"Seriously?" I asked, refusing to get into his car even though he opened the door for me and even bowed.

"It's not safe there alone, I will go home with you and sleep on the floor if that's what you want."

But I like you sleeping with me.

"Fine. But we're picking Prince up from the daycare." He gives me a thumbs up and pats my bum to get into the car.

When we got my baby fluff back I thought I was heading home, but apparently Tae had other plans because we drove right past my house.

"Tae."

"My house. Sleep over, don't fight me over this. I'm lonely."

"Tae."

"No, Fany-ah."

"Tae."

"Fany-ah." He sternly says.

"You're never letting me go back are you?"

"Well, these past few days have been a little weird you know. I like to keep you close to me. Just for now okay? Till I have to go back to work." He shifts his eyes onto me briefly.

"I don't get to say no do I?" He shook his head.

"Just for one last night hm?" I sighed, I can't win against him. I just feel like I'm being so pampered by him for no reason.

When I entered my room,he picks me up and I hold on to him for dear life from the sudden movement. He places me on the bathroom counter and kisses me fast on the cheek and before he could leave I grasped a fistful of his shirt, making him stop.

"You're staying in my room tonight." Before I could even protest he leaves and comes back in with a silver cup, a new toothbrush, and a his shirt.

I've stayed at his house a couple of times, but at his guest room. Never in his luxury master bedroom the size of my whole house.

I watch with tired eyes as he runs a bath for me, shaking my head at this ridiculous guy. Doing the extremes to make me stay with him. I will stay with him, but I don't need all these things, all these services.

Taeyone's love is enough for me.

"Don't sit too long, you'll turned into a raisin, wrinkly and ugly." I stick my tongue out at him and he gives me a thumbs up.

I nod and he gently shuts the door behind him.

I step in the tub and sink myself in the water engulfing the warmth. It reminds me of Tae's soft hugs. Why was I breaking down in front of him every 3 hours? I don't know why. I hated showing this side of me to him or anyone. I wish I hadn't done that. By the time he left this room my walls are all broken except the lock on my heart.

I step out of the bathroom and make my way out of the bedroom door. I got lost trying to find my downstairs when I ended up in his den. I slide in the room and look around the office like room and quietly make my way to his desk sitting down in his chair and pick up a photo frame. It was a picture of a little Taengo sitting on an older woman lap smiling cheekily at the camera. Strangely enough, he never told me about his family, and this woman looks like his mother. I open the drawer to the left of me and find another photo of him and this woman pushing him on the swing. I know how wrong it is to snoop around someones desk, let alone being a guest in this house but I was curious. I didn't realize he was leaning on the doorway of the den with his arms crossed in front of his chest till he cleared his throat.

"What do you want to know?" He asked making his way to his desk.

I quickly put the photo back in the drawer and close it, lamely trying to cover up what I did.

I hesitate before answering him, but couldn't spill out any words when he stepped closed to me sitting on his desk.

"Sorry, I got lost and I was trying to find my way downstairs and then I ended up in your den, but I didn't see anything else but these phot-"

He shook his head and looked at me like he was going to scold me. I immediately stopped myself from talking."The picture you looked at." He starts off.

"Oh, right sorry." I mutter.

"That was a picture of me and my mother before she passed away when I was 7." He says, getting the picture out of the drawer.

He takes a deep breath and places the photo frame on the desk.

"I ran away from home after my mother died due to cancer. My dad was an alcoholic and beat her occasionally, and when she died my father blamed her death on me."

Those words hit home, and the person in front of me places his head in his hands.

"My mother loved me very much, there were times I did stupid things and my dad would beat me, but my mom would step in and take those beatings for me trying to defend me of my actions. She was hurt a lot because of me."

I sit beside him and he raises his head to give me a small smile. The sight of that made my insides clench just a little bit more.

"When I grew older, I was the one who took the beatings for my mother and fended her off from my father. She sacrificed a lot for me, but she lived for such a short period of time I couldn't return back that same love she gave me."

He takes my hand into his and holds it. Silence eloped us for moments on end.

"I ran away when I was a bit older, living with my best friend and being adopted to a new family. I never fit in but I was accepted and I called them mom and dad, but never mother and father." I see him give me a sad smile, trying to act like it never phased him but I saw it. It's a mask Taeyeon-ah, take it off. Let me see the softer side of you.

"I'll never do that to you. I won't treat you the way your ex or my father treated you or my mother. Never." He whispers.

I smile and squeeze his hand wanting to tell him that it's okay but nothing seems to come out of my mouth.

"Nick-" I began to say before he cuts me off.

"Don't fucking say his name. I am this close to just killing him off. I already made sure he'll never walk again." His voice roared through my house as he abruptly stood up.

I flinch at the sudden outburst. The tall figure standing in front of me is breathing heavily with his chest heaving.

I did something unexpected, usually I'd start to tear up or become afraid but this time it was different.

I kissed him fully on the lips, snaking my arms around his neck. His expression eases and his balled fists started to open it and gently caress my back. I place my hand on his ear and start to gently play with it. I kiss his jawline gently while still rubbing his ear. My other hand was rubbing his back; just like how he soothed me. His breathing calmed, and soon we were gently rocking back and forth together in the middle of his den.

"You've done enough Taeyeon-ah, your mother would be so proud of you." He hums and I continue to stroke his back.

"It's going to suck when you go back to work. Who am I going to bother and pester now?" I say breaking the silence and changing the topic to be a little less, sad.

"Let's not talk about work for now." He chuckles and takes my hand, leading me into his bedroom.

I still get shy over the fact that he's literally sleeping in the same room and same bed as me. I didn't even have time to think about it when we first did it because I was such an emotional wreck that time.

I curl up to his body and he wraps his arms around me and snuggles close to my neck. He left little kisses along it and then I hear his breathing soften. Then he started to snore. Loud enough that the seagulls could probably hear it.

"It hasn't even been 10 minutes. Are you seriously asleep?" I pinch his nose and he has no reaction to it. Wow he really did fall asleep. I guess Taebear was a suitable name for him but he left me hanging tonight.

"Ugh. You're such an ass." But I didn't mind. I studied his features and wow he is a chiseled work of art. His parents must be super attractive. There's no way his parents made this blob without the help of someone upstairs. Whatever God added into the creation of you Tae, you'll have to thank him someday.

I woke up to myself freezing to death on my side of the bed. Tae was still latched onto me like a magnet and my blanket was pretty much on the floor. He kicked it off us while he slept. I love his little quirks about him.

I found Prince running around me excitedly as his tail wagged back and forth. He climbed over me and nestles himself between me and Tae before stepping on Tae's face and licking his cheek.

"Heh, someone's up early." Taeng's morning voice is everything. He pushes Prince away gently but Prince kept giving him kisses.

Taeng puckered his lips and was waiting for another kiss but instead Prince barked and Tae froze in his spot.

Without opening his eyes, he sighed heavily.

"I swear to god." I had to stifle my giggle.

"When I open my eyes this better be Steph and not the fucking 4 legged fluffy devil." Prince barks in response and starts to run around Tae's head, not forgetting to roll around and annoy the crap out of him.

Tae opens one of his eyes and Prince bombards him with licks.He opens both of his eyes at his realization and sits up immediately before smacking his forehead and groaning for a solid minute.

"God fucking are you serious right now! Did I make out with a dog? Oh my god this is why I felt fluff on my lips!"

"You!" Tae points at Prince and my dog just turns his head slightly and wags his tail. Taeng picks him up and places him on the floor before scowling and muttering nonsense. He cuddles close to me and buries his face next to me in my pillow.

"Good morning! Cheating on me now?" I poke his head and he lifts it up grumbling.

"Shh, shh. Piglet, one more word and I'll cuddle you to death."

"Grumpy as usual." I tease him and he lays on top of me, putting all his excruciating weight on me. My god he weighs so much, I felt my rib cage about to give.

"How'd you sleep? I passed out so I wouldn't know." He mumbles against my skin and I showered at the feeling.

"Yeah, I thought you'd stay up with me. But as soon as you laid in bed all I heard was the snores of a dozen lions."

"Calling me an animal now?" He scowls and then ducks under the covers, bringing them over his head and turning away from the window.

"But I slept okay. I think."

"Don't worry, I'll protect you." He hugs me close to his chest before pulling his shirt over me and making me literally suffocate in his chest.

"Hey, I look like an obese cow. We are one now Steph." I swear we looked like a mutilated corpse that was a failed science experiment. I squirmed around his chest but he made sure he trapped me inside his shirt as he chuckled.

"Or we can be a human burrito." He sniggers and I felt his scent wrap around me. We're a good smelling burrito.

"God you are a glorified 12 year old."

"That is actually a really good description of me." He says proudly with chuckles and I peered up from his shirt and pressed my forehead against his chin.

"Give me a kissy baby." He puckers his lips before his hand slides down my waist and up my nightgown.

I held his wrist from going any further and I glared at him which made him sheepishly smile and show his dimple.

"Perv."

"Yuh-huh, give me a kissy." He says, making smoochy sounds.

"Taetae, I'm going on a morning run, do you want to come?"

"Hah you're funny if you think I exercise." He grumbles and covers his head with the blanket.

"Tae come, it'll be fun."

"The only thing that'll be fun is seeing your ass in yoga pants. The not so fun part is moving my limbs and doing this non existent action called exercising." I slap him in the arm and nudge him. But he's like a big boulder and he refuses to budge.

"Fine, don't come then I don't care." I head down the hall to my guest room to get dressed and when I came back in his room he peers from his covers and scrambles to get out of bed as soon as he sees me.

"I'm coming! I'm coming just wait I have to change wait wait!" I open the door and wait for him. I see him fumble to the room and literally crawl like a raccoon on the floor.

"Wait!" He screeches at the sound of the front door closing. I stand there giggling when he came out in nothing but shorts.

"Is that what you're wearing?" I ask, eyeing him from head to toe.

"Yeah why? Is it okay? Is it cold do I need to being a jacket?" He looks at himself and looks back up with a questioning face.

"N-no. It's okay let's go." I honestly didn't want him to be shirtless running alongside with me because I swear to god he's going to catch the eye of every single girl there, hell he might even catch the eye of men too. He's mine and I'd like to keep my mans pecs hidden from ogling people.

5 minutes into the run he huffs and puffs waving me down at the side of the curb.

"How come a man like who has washboard abs and is fit like an athlete run out of breath?!" I ask him and he looked like he was going to faint.

"Tae. You suck."

He shook his head gasping for air and crouches down on the curb taking my water bottle and downing it.

"Weak." I tease him and he lets go of the water bottle and pats his heart.

"Shut the fuck up. I haven't ran like that in so long, never mind at 6 in the morning. What is wrong with you? How do you do it."

"I just don't understand how someone with an 8 pack and huge biceps the size of my chicken leg literally almost pass out from our light jog."

"Light?! You call that light?! Come on, cut me some slack. Give your man some points, I'm out here jogging with you in nature trying to erase the donut I had last night." He still huffs and puffs and at that point I thought he had asthma.

"Let's go home then, I'll race you there. Last one there sleeps on the floor!" I start to run away from him and I hear his distant shouting.

"That's not fair! You got a head start and I'm fucking dying as we speak holy shit! Wait for me! How can your small legs take you that far? God damn it stop it you midget!"

It was only in the evening when I had him laying his head on my lap. We act like such a couple despite being together only like a day ago. My mind wanders to his face and how adorable he looks so focused on a game. A few nights ago if you had told me I'd be together with the Kim Taeyeon, I'd laugh in your face and attempt to smack you out unconsciously for thinking that.

I thought he was playing with me, my feelings, my head. Someone like him just doesn't exist. No one just magically wanders in your life and saves you. It's too much of a fairy tale ending and I can't stop thinking about it. I fell for him hard, despite knowing that what he could be doing to me. I can't resist myself from him, he just fits me so well, he fills in those cracks. But I could say that about anyone.

"You literally have 2 seconds to pick that up before I kick you out of my house."

"Hmm? Later okay?" He hums not looking up from my iPad.

"Right now!" I huffed in annoyance.

"Why are you so angry? It's just a sock." He says.

"Because I don't like things being out if place. How many times do I have to tell you to pick up after yourself? Tae you're so messy."

"But it's just a sock . . " Tae whines and placed the iPad on the coffee table. He looks at my giving me his best puppy dog eyes.

I grab the closet magazine to me and roll it up.

"Okay okay, sheesh." He says covering his head as I smack him over and over again with the rolled magazine.

"Demanding." He mutters as he picks up the sock and puts it in his shoe. He shuffles back to the couch and lays his head on my lap and focuses his attention on the TV.

I gently stroke his hair as we watch some stupid reality TV show.

"I don't understand why were watching this. Why are they even famous, who the fuck cares about The Kartrashians."

"Stop complaining we're not watching your hockey. And they're just really funny and stupid, it's fun watching these shows."

He seriously can not do movies or any of my TV shows. Every time that we do watch anything together he complains 15 minutes criticizing the movie or saying how we could do other things than watch this 'stupid' movie.

"But Fany-ah, it's a really important game please . . . " He sits up and kneels on the floor clasping his hand as if he's begging for a limited edition toy.

This child. I wonder how he's even one of the wealthiest businessman's on earth.

"Steppani please . . " Tae pleads one more time and I instantly surrender when he wraps his body around my legs.

"Fine, but you owe me."

"Jesus Christ bless the lords you're the best."

An hour into hockey and I dozed off but woke up to the sound of a goal horn and Tae celebrating.

I groan into my hands and roll off his lap.

"Where are you going?" He asks as he shuts the TV off and follows me upstairs.

"To sleep, since you won't shut up." I say shoving him with all my might, but he moved like 2 centimeters.

"Can I join?" He says smugly smiling.

This guy has the audacity to ask me that. I give him a glare and shut the door in front of his face. I plop myself down in my bed and relax myself. Finally, some peaceful me time after everything that has happened. Except I had an annoying tall gentle giant lurking around the halls.

I close my eyes trying to take in Taengo being mine. A good half hour of napping and dreaming up scenarios that won't happen was blissful. But I snap out of my thoughts when I hear small knocks on my door.

"Steph?" He quietly asks.

"Can I come in? Unless you're sleeping then say nothing. Wait, if you're sleeping then you wouldn't be able to say anything. Um, I'll just wait here then. I mean like, if you're mad at me because I woke you up I'm sorry." I quietly chuckle at him. It this what it feels like to have someone who's worried about you? Someone to be foolish with, eat with, cuddle with, and kiss? I feel like a love sick high schooler who's mind is fogged up on a relationship.

"Come in Taetae." I sit up putting on Tae's blue oxford shirt on me. I rub my eyes and comb my hair but then I see a little head peering through the crack of the door.

"Hola, Fany-ah. Are you mad at me?" He says still standing at the door.

"No, I never was mad at you. I was tired." I say opening my arms big and wide for him.

"Come here Taengobear." He walks in and closes the door, shining his million dollar smile.

I feel the bed dip beside me and I unconsciously wrap myself to his side and lay my head on his chest. He puts his arm around my waist and he covers our bodies with the duvet. He tugs on my shirt and frowns.

"This is mine."

"I like it, so I took it."

"But your closet is overflowing."

"I really really really like your shirt."

"Why do you feel the need to take my shirt?"

"If you want it back so badly you can have it." I say sitting up to take it off.

He puts his hand on mine.

"No, I don't know. I don't want it back. It looks great on you. I don't know why but I find it extremely adorable that you wear my shirt. But why do you like wearing it though?"

I blush at his question.

"Because it smells like you, and reminds me of you." I say shyly turning my head away from him. I clutch onto his shirt. Another reason why I like wearing it, is because I feel like it keeps me safe. Wrapped around a shirt that he once wore that still smells like his signature sandalwood scent and ah hint of his after shave. I'd give up my entire closet for this.

"I like you a lot. Like a lot a lot." He says smiling into my head.

Is it too early to say I love you? Because that's how I feel right now with him, no scratch that anytime I'm with him I wanna tell him those three words; I love you.

"Hmm, me too." I reply snuggling closer to his chest. I rub my hands up and down his abs. Literal washboard.

"Yeah I know who wouldn't? Look at me I'm gorgeous. B-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l." He says.

I playfully squeeze his hand. "Cocky, conceited, self centered."

"To be honest, when am I never. I'm like so full of myself."

"Wowie, you actually admit that? One sec, can you say that again?" I say holding up the record button on my phone.

He sticks his tongue out and flashes some crazy eyes to the camera. We both laugh at his antics before dozing off to each others warmth.

"Can you get some of my clothes and Prince's things from the house later?" He nods drowsily, putting a finger on my lips to shush me.

It must've been at least like 3 hours because when I woke up I had no sense of time. I pat the right side of my bed feeling nothing but an empty space. I groggily reach for my phone on the nightstand and pick it up. A little pink post it note was attached to it and had Tae's handwriting written all over it.

Pink Piggy,

I woke up to run some quick errands and pick up dinner for us. You were still sleeping and I didn't want to wake up mama bear or I'd risk dying early. Have I ever told you that your room is literally blinding as fuck. I turned the lights on and Jesus fucking Christ all I see is pink, pink, pink. Do you own anything but pink? You look adorable as fuck when you sleep by the way. I love the way you snore and drool on my chest as you say 'Tae's the sexiest beast alive.;when you sleep. Call me when you wake up, best friend.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

\- Taengobear?

P.S; I accidentally ripped George when I stood up to use the bathroom. My bad.

Omo, George. My most prized possession, Tae what the hell? How do you rip a stuffed monkey? I rush over to my desk searching for the music box quickly. I spot it on a chair beside it with another small sticky note.

Satan 2.0,

Jokes.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo,

\- Your one and only walking God.

I pick up my phone and click on his name; 'TaeIsAnAss' and dial his phone. Four rings in and I hear a husky voice at the other end.

"Miss me baby cakes?"

"You frustrate me. I hate you."

"As in sexually or . . ?"

"Tae!"

"Hey, you're bae is coming back with food. Treat me with some respect yo, I'm feeding your ass."

"You're not my bae." I smile at what I said. He is so my bae.

"I don't have to be your bae, but you can be mine. Plus I'm 'yours' remember?"

"Cheesy, and yes you're mine and that wasn't a funny prank Taetae."

"What prank?"

"George, omo, you're so dead when you come home."

"Hah, I'll be anticipating my own funeral."

"Good you better be. I'm not even going to attend."

"Yeah, murder me for ruining your beloved stuffed animal and then attend the funeral of your killing? I didn't expect you'd come anyway. By the way, stop sulking. I can feel your sulk all the way downtown."

"Come home please, I'm hungry." I whined, kicking the sheets up.

"You miss me or the food? I am home look up."

I smile as the tall giant was leaning on the door frame. He slips his phone into his suit pocket and puts the bag of takeout on my desk. I stand on my tiptoes and kiss the older one before getting lifted up.

"Hey." He says pressing his forehead into mine. I wrap my legs around him.

"Hey you." I cup his face kissing his jaw.

"Miss me?" He just can't stop teasing me. It'll be the death of me.

"So much."

"Go on another date with me." He says against my head.

"I'll think about it."

"What the fuck you don't get to think about it when you're my girl Fany-ah. We're going on a date and that's final."

"I'll go as long as you tell me more about you. The happier side." He frowns and puts on his thinking face.

Please tell me you have at least some good memories about yourself?

I don't want to believe he's suffered a lonesome life. But if he is, I want to change that.

"I can't promise you that." He says quietly.

Oh Tae.


	9. Overworked

Kim Taeyeon

Day 1:

"The price of gold and oil are dropping rapidly, the rapid investments in technology has been overwhelming which caused the descending price of gold and oil. Investors that were once investing in gold and oil are now moving to real estate and most importantly technology." My investment manager speaks as he's presenting the slide to why my company has been unsteady for the last 2 days.

I run my hand through my hair a couple of times unable to take the migraine rising to the side of my head. I'm really tired of this business bullcrap but it makes me money so here I am.

"How are the gold and oil prices standing as of right now?" I angrily mutter.

He flips through a couple of slides and shows me statistics and patterns of the products. "It's showing no signs of ascending sir. We have to act fast and keep our investors in our market or else the company can risk shutting down."

"You think I don't fucking know that?" I say slamming my hand on the table. I'm frustrated as fuck and I don't need some idiot repeating what has been said 5 times.

"Our dollar is doing complete shit because of this, why didn't you for see this before when I hired you to do this specific task? Isn't it your job to see this type of rapid drop? To inform us so ahead of time so we can take action?"

He stutters and sweats profoundly unable to answer me as I stand up in my seat my arms on the table about to flip it on him.

"Isn't this what I hired you for?" I say louder.

"Y-yes sir." He says his hand trembling as he struggles to hold the remote for the PowerPoint.

"Convince the investors to stay on board with us right now, move our investments into a new area; real estate and technology. Link the bond between our gold and oil shares into our new investments and that should stabilize our company for a short period of time. Until then we have to invest in new areas, gold is stable but oil is never. Now get the fuck out of my meeting room everyone."

A cluster of people madly gather their things and try to leave, but I slam the door closed.

"Except you. You're fired. Gather your shit and get the fuck out of my office."

My investment manager looks at me in shock before bowing and packing up his things quickly. Everyone is around the door muttering, feeling sorry for him.

I unlock the door and lean on the door frame letting seeing people shuffle out of the meeting room hastily including him who bows to me again and mutters a sorry.

The look on people's face when they see me walk down the corridor make me even more angry. They look at me as if I murdered an ant. I walk towards my office giving a nod to Sam and slam the door shut.

Day 1 of me returning to the office after being with Steph, and my company is in jeopardy. The decrease of my important assets has been an anchor to my business. I haven't eaten anything since waking up and the pounding throbbing pain in the side of my head isn't helping either.

I open the drawer of my desk and down some pills. I pick up my phone having seen 2 missed calls, and 4 new text messages from 'Boo'. I chuckle at the name, she must've changed it on my phone. I remember me giving her weird looks every time I accidently called her 'Bae.'

Missed Call (1): Boo

Missed Call (2): Boo

Boo: Morning Byuntae, have you eaten yet?

Boo: stop ignoring mee, I'm so bored ;-;

Boo: Taebaby, :cc . I hate staying home talk to meee, are you at a meeting?

Boo: lol k, kys. I don't need you lmfao

I snorted at the last test. Adorable, so adorable I want to go home and just cuddle the living crap out of her.

TaeBear: Sorry, was in a meeting and I haven't eaten yet.

TaeBear: Are you fantasizing about me butt naked? lel ;D

I set my phone on my desk and grab a folder, but the notification sound and the light on my phone projects into my face. I've never seen someone reply that fast before. Poor Steph, she was probably waiting for me to reply back. I pick it up and slide the lock screen open.

Boo: in your dreams you nasty ass byuntae. smhhh. why haven't you eaten yet? do you want me to come by and drop off some food? you should eat, it's not good for you to skip meals. :c

TaeBear: Don't worry about me, hm? I'll eat later, I have a lot of things to do right now.

Boo: taeeeeeeeeeeeeee , please don't forget to eat. ur a big strong independent man who needs his food or he'll die.

TaeBear: stephanieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, I'll be fine. I'm just really busy, company in a bad state right now.

Boo: okay, i won't bother you anymore. text me or call me when you're done please? :s

TaeBear: Mhm, will do bbycakes * xoxoxo

Boo: lol ew.

I place the phone down again, pulling at my hair. This is going to be one long week.

Day 3:

"No listen to me Siwon, you walking bag of fat. I specifically assigned thi-"

"Siwon, Siwon don't you ever fucking cut me off. I will make you disappear off the face of earth and make sure you business goes along with you to the deep depths of hell you stupid doughnut."

"Yeah I called you a doughnut, you know why? You're round, plump and full of greasy shit."

"Who the fuck names their kid Siwon?"

"What the fuck did you just say to me? Listen, buddy. I'm trying to negotiate something with you and you're here cussing at me because of my incompetence? S-i-w-o-n."

"What are you going to do? Send a few guys over to try and beat the 'living' shit out of me? Remember what happened to your boy Nicky?"

"You wanna know how I got this scar Siwon?"

"By beating Nick's ass to a pulp and dragging his body back to his dumpster of a house. Does that spark a memory? Answer me Siwon."

"Siwon, Siwon. This is the reason why your mother doesn't fucking love you. News flash, you're adopted."

"We made a deal, remember? He snitched you out, you were the one who took the photo. You were apart of his little threat to me. Now, if you don't want me coming for you, we go along with our deal."

"$5.5 million in my investments by the end of the week or I will come personally to give you a big, nice, high five. In the face. With a brick. Repeatedly." I sneered into the phone.

I end the call interrupting Siwon's pleas, and put the phone in my pocket. Sending threats through the phone verbally was a lot of hard work.

Sam looks at me and furrows her eyebrows. "This is why people call you Satan, Hades etc. You scare your opponents to get what you want."

"It's business Sam, what am I supposed to do? He was being rude to me."

"Mr. Kim, you're 28, one of the wealthiest businessman on earth."

"Mother always told me to treat others the way others treat you." I say sighing.

"You sound like my girlfriend. ' You're 28, one of the wealthiest businessman on earth.' " I say mimicking Stephanie's tone."

"I might as well live up to the name eh? I like to greet myself as the hot walking Satan that has ever set foot on the face of earth. Lighting a path of fire everywhere I step." I said buffing my chest up and flexing my biceps exaggerating every movement I made.

Sam signed and giggled before returning to work.

"But you gotta admit, I'm sexy." I shoot her a nice wink and some finger guns before running into a office planet.

"Nice." She shouts from the other hall. How she saw, I don't know but point is I walked into a plant.

"Shut the fuck up and get back to work." I grumbled and that just makes her snigger some more."

The prices continue to drop and my company becomes even more unstable by the minute, I spent another 2 days in overtime working endlessly with my team to try and recover from the recession. The economy has been doing so poorly in a matter of days and hasn't shown signs of stopping.

I swear I lost like a clump of hair due to stress and me pulling at it. My frustrating of not seeing the one I love is getting to me and the thought of my business collapsing makes me want to fire my entire workload.

What made my day worse was that there was a parade happening below my building on the streets, which caused lots of attraction. The blaring noises of pop music, noise makers, drunk people and the occasional screaming triggered me.

God please have mercy on me.

Day 5:

This morning, I lost the key to my car, so I had to take my less cooler car that didn't scream - move the fuck away, rich fucker coming your way.

Then I lost my files somewhere in my house so I had to backtrack and return back home to look for them but they weren't there. So I drove back to my office and notice I left my briefcase in my house.

Which made me go back to my place again, but when I went to grab my briefcase off the couch I stubbed my toe on the sofa chair, that made me screech and spew out cuss word repeatedly.

On the way to the office, one of my workers who had a cup of scalding 'non-gmo-fat-free-vegan-peanut-free-extra-whip-cream-no-sugar-large-whatever-the-fuck-soy-bean-latte' in their hands had the audacity to run into me and spill it all over my suit. Which burnt, and ruined my suit.

Then the string of bad luck kept on coming, I went into my office and noticed I didn't have another suit to change into and on top of that, I tripped against myself and of course you'd grab onto something when you're about to fall right? So I grabbed my desk and my hand slipped into the pile of folders, contracts, and paperwork fell all over the floor. My phone also slipped out of my pocket and cracked as it made contact with the floor.

I was so close to losing my shit.

Day 6:

I think I've officially lost it. I've been sitting at my desk for the last 72 hours, I don't think I've even gotten up to take a piss. I'm probably starving myself too, but that's alright. I've drowned myself in work, and to be honest I've been neglecting Stephanie a little bit, but she didn't really show any signs of annoyance toward my work. Which is a good thing, I think. Unless she's planning my funeral and planning to attack me and scold me. I buried my head into my work in the mean time. I didn't hear the knock on my door but the sudden voice startled me.

"Taetae?" A soft voice spoke out.

I prop my head up and see the small petite figure at the door. It was Stephanie, in my hoodie that I recognized really well. She makes anything look good, what the hell. I can't do that, I need my suites and ties and I refuse to wear anything but that. Her hair was swept to one shoulder and she wore those brow line glasses. I never knew she wore glasses, but she looked hella cute. Her hands were holding a bag of take out poutine, and her eyes smiled into the crescents that I missed so much.

"Fany-ah." I said gently, I stand up and walk towards her.

"Hi. Why do you look homeless?" She pouts, her hand on my shoulder and her other hand fixing my hair. I lean onto her shoulder and we stay like this for a few moments.

"Rough week?" She asks quietly still caressing my back gently.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I've been neglecting you. I'll make it up to your I promise."

"No, it's okay I understand." She lifts my head up and smiles a sincere smile.

"It's getting a bit better, now that you're here. I missed you." I press my forehead to hers picking her up and placing her on my desk. I place the takeout box on my desk and wrap her hands around my waist.

"Stay with me today?" I say, snuggling into the crook of her neck peppering kisses on it.

"Mhm." She runs her hand through my hair before trailing it to my shirt unbuttoning it in the process. Her hand rubs my chest before heading down to my stomach.

My kisses on her quicken and I pull her closer and deeper into me as she straddles my hips. She pulls my hair as if I hadn't lost some this week and I snap my neck back into place to kiss her ear before taking it into my mouth and sucking on it gently.

"Taeyeon-ah." She whispers seductively into my ear.

"Hmm?" I say before I roughly meet her lips again taking her bottom lip into mine.

A knock is heard on my office door. I break the kiss and crane my neck to the door, about to kill someone who interrupted the moment.

"Mr. Kim, you're meeting is in 15 minutes, Mr. Shen is here." Sam says.

Fuck, why does this always happen? The bad luck never stops.

I look at the beauty in front of me, we're both panting frantically, our hair's a mess and we're both partly sweaty. Half of my office crap is on the floor, and my shirts half unbuttoned.

"Okay, I'll be there shortly." I shout back at Sam.

I lean back into Stephanie and kiss her sweetly on the lips.

"I can't believe we just did that." She says, wiping her lip with her thumb, cleaning up that lipstick smudge.

"I can."

"Perv."

"Your perv." I smile at her and pick her up and walk around my desk to place her on my office chair. I hastily pick up all the disorganized supplies on the floor and straighten out my desk. I make my way back to my chair, pulling Stephanie into my lap. She turns around and straddles my waist and kisses me gently on the forehead. She looks at me with worry, but her eyes tell me it's okay.

"You work too hard, you need to eat, I haven't seen you in almost a week and you look like you came off the streets." She wipes the sweat off my face with my satin cloth.

"Don't worry about me. What did you do all week? Did I tell you I've missed you? Nothing beats seeing you in person than in texts, or video call." I say as she buttons up my shirt for me straightening out the wrinkles.

"I did nothing but wait for you to text me." She says while fixing my collar.

"Hm, sorry. Got busy." I say with a frown.

"Stop apologizing, you're a busy man I get it. Stop frowning please, in a couple of years it's going to make an impression into your forehead." She forcefully straights my frown out and rests her head on my shoulder.

"I have to go to a meeting in a couple of minutes, stay here?" I ask not wanting her to go anywhere.

"I will, I told you that. I won't leave you Taetae if that's what you're asking."

"You seemed to take the words right out of my non existent mind." I chuckle, and let her get off me. I take a look in the mirror and notice the red lipstick smudge on my collar.

I look back and see her smiling sheepishly. "Oops." She says with those eye smiles.

"I'll be back." I say as I step out of the office and close the door gently as I take another peek at Stephanie who seems occupied by the things on my desk.

The sound of the keyboard clattering away echoed in my office. I hear Stephanie playing with an assortment of black and silver pens as she sits on my lap as I work away. I've never been more comfortable at work now that she's here.

"Bored?" I say breaking the silence.

"Not really, I like to hear your breathing. It's very therapeutic. You also have cool pens." She says laughing a little bit.

I start to pretend to hyperventilate. She slaps my shoulder playfully and we both laugh filling the room with our melodic chuckles. It soon turned to silence again as I got back to work and she leans back to my chest and I grip her waist tighter. She dozes off into sleep as I rest my chin on her head. Her breathing is now the only thing I hear in my office.

Hours into my work and I can't help but smile at my tiny one asleep on my lap.

"Fany-ah." I call out to her nudging her from her sleep. I can't feel my leg, she slept in such an awkward position I think my leg fell asleep with her too.

She grumbles at my nudge and snuggles into my chest even more. Her schedule is literally 60% going to sleep and 40% of actual productive work.

"Stephi." I call out to her again.

No response.

"PigFany?"

She hits me in the chest but still won't open her eyes.

I pack my briefcase with some important documents, put my phone into my pocket and drape my suit jacket over her. I stand up carrying her bridal style out of the office. We're in the elevator when she opens her eyes and shrieks at the position we're at.

"What are you doing?" She asks wiggling in my hold asking to be put down.

"You wouldn't wake up so I had to carry you." I said nonchalantly.

"Omo, did anyone see?" She asks worriedly.

"It's 2 am Fany-ah, everyone's home by now."

I was about to step out of the elevator when I feel some weight on my back. Stephanie jumped on my back wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist. She peers her head on my shoulder kissing me on the neck.

I smell the scent of her shampoo, and sigh in content. I feel my anxieties, the knots in my shoulder and my thoughts in my head clear briefly. I unlock the door and let her slide off me escorting her to my car.

I climb into the drivers seat and I look over to see her completely passed out. The days I wasn't with her made me worry, I pondered if she'd stay up waiting for my goodnight text or call. She's grown more clingy to me as we grew closer together, our relationship forming that stronger bond as days passed by. I've grown dangerously close to her too, to the point where I feel a little bit obsessed with her. Not a moment passes by where I'm not thinking about her. I dug myself a great shit hole, except this shit hole is full of rainbow, unicorn happy stuff and Steph is the center of it all.

The trip back home was silent. I observed Stephanie from a distance driving slowly as to not wake her up on those dumb speed bumps. I open the gate to the mansion, and drive to my garage. With a click of a button the garage opens in which I parked the car into it and opened my door. Tiptoeing around the car and opening it as quietly as possible, I carried Stephanie bridal style in my arms and kicked the door shut with my foot.

This was like some Mission Impossible stunt. Beads of sweat started to form around my forehead and threatened to fall. But I was on a mission, and I refuse to fail it.

Climbing up the stairs with this little short in my arms wasn't too bad, but the noise my bedroom door made when it was being opened sounded like gun shots rang from every direction possible. I made a mental note to get that fixed.

I set her down on my bed and covered her with my duvet. She stirred a little bit when I did that but then fell still and her breathing was regularly back on track.

I peel off the suit jacket on me and bundle up the dress shirt on me and put it in the laundry basket. The clicks of my shoe sounded like firecrackers. For fuck sakes this was so hard at 2 in the morning. I refuse to wake up mother bear, I'm not ready to die young.

I turn on the shower, and step in it. Letting the water hit my skin like bullets penetrating my skin, but instead it ricocheted. I felt like screaming. I had the girl of my dreams in my bed but I can't do anything. I want to show her I love her but it's too much. She makes everything better, like butterflies are in my stomach when I'm with her. My anger subsides when she's around, like I said her eyes were magic; tells you that it's okay with a glance.

Marriage was an idea, and I was willing to pursue it for Steph.

It doesn't scare me. Only because I know she's willing to risk everything for it, and to be with me every step of the way; bearing the hardships with it, and wearing the scars that I will cause her in the future proudly on her chest.

The lump in my bed made my heart swell. I climbed in slowly spooning her wrapping my arms around her. I place a kiss on the crook of her neck and settle my head above hers, inhaling the familiar scent that I missed so much.

I wake up to the person underneath me snuggling closer to me, clutching on my shirt. The grip on it was tight and I feel the extra warmth and sweat radiating off Steph. Her low shallow breathing turned into harsh whimpering ones. Another nightmare? Can't be. I'm beside her holding her, and she knows it. I observe her a little more while tightening my hold on her waist and clutching her hand even more tightly. Her expression relaxes as I squeeze her hand.

"It's okay, I'm here." I whisper in her ear.

Her breathing lessens a bit more.

"Shh, shh, Fany-ah, it's me Taetae." I caress her head gently.

The whimpering stops, and the balled up shirt in her hand slowly opens.

I do this a few more times when she relaxes again and I know she has fallen into a peaceful sleep.

I glance at the clock; 5:16 AM. I brought her closer to me and the way her arm instinctively wrapped around mine made me have a peace of mind. I felt my eyes drowsily close and before I knew it, I was dreaming about a talking giraffe in space or some shit.

The ringing of my phone blares into my ear canals making me reach out blindly for the phone on my night stand.

Sam-o: You have a business meeting in Las Vegas tomorrow. I've booked your flight just pack your items boss man.

Big Boss: Thanks, and can you book another flight? It's for Stephanie I'm going to take her with me. Extend the trip for 2 more days please.

Sam-o: Get laid ㅋㅋㅋㅋ.

I adjust my eyes into the sleeping figure in front of me. She looks so peacefully yet last night the nightmare happened. Her expression can change at any given moment when she sleeping, I forgot she had these nightmares. It must've been shit when I wasn't there. How does she deal with it when I'm not there?

I must've been staring too long, spacing out to my thoughts when a sloppy kiss was made on my chin.

"Good morning ugly bear." She says with her husky morning voice.

I chuckle at the sight. "Who the fuck you callin' ugly?"

"Hm, talk to me in like 10 minutes." She hummed and smacked my face away gently.

"Alright sunshine, how'd you sleep?" I asked.

"It was alright I guess, I had you with me." She says rubbing her eyes cutely before ducking under the covers shielding her eyes from the sun.

"Alright? I'm a 5 star hotel. I'm more than just 'alright' short stuff." I go underneath the covers with her, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer to me. Her loud dolphin like shrank pierced my ear drum.

"I'm not short!" She says trying to break free from my embrace.

"You're like 5'4, you are very short." I say chuckling.

"Maybe you're just tall!" She says turning her body to face me.

"The average height for a women is 5'4, you're average short one."

"Shut up." She glares making an inch with her finger.

"Can I have my morning kiss piggy?"

"No, you're rude to me. You always tease me." Her morning voice was such a turn on.

"Hm? It's fun to tease you. You can tease me back I don't mind."

"Every time I tease you, you cry and whine like a big baby. Fucking pussy." She murmured and leans closer to me. I laughed out loud, hearing her cuss at me was the next thing.

I dart my lips to her and steal a kiss.

"Yah! Tae! You haven't brushed your teeth! I can smell and taste the fried chicken you had last night."

"Wanna taste the cheeseburger I had for lunch yesterday too?" I tease she rolls away and I sigh.

I pull the covers down, and she follows. She sits on top of my stomach leaning down and smiles. Morning eye smiles that look like the shape of baked croissants. I could actually really go for one.

Her nose touches mine, and she parts her lips giving me a sweet kiss and pulling back.

"There, your morning kiss."

"Can I have one more?" I ask.

She kisses me again.

"And another one?" I await the slap she was about to give me.

She smiles but repeats it again.

"How about another one?" I'm really testing my 9 lives right now.

She pinches my nose and that makes me rise from my bed.

"Ah, okay okay. Jeez."

"Time for you to get your little bum to work." She pats my back and pulls me out of bed.

"My ass is plump and juicy. I have no idea where you got little from." She rolls her eyes and I swear she's going to kill my in my sleep for the bad joke.

It was 9:57 PM and I was running jack shit late for my date with Steph. I was supposed to be there at 6 but I lost track of time. Fuck, fuck, fuck. I promised I'd take her out on a date since I worked vigorous long hours this week and I pretty much had no time for her except last night. My driving skills were out the window as I panicked. I've never been late for a date before and holy shit I'm going to unleash HellFany and she's going to chop my balls off and turn them into egg rolls and feed it to the ducks. Shit shit shit. I think I ran over a mouse on the road but who knows.

I slammed the door shut but I kicked myself when I forgot the flowers in the front seat. They were all crumpled up and falling apart and I grabbed them quickly and sprinted down the sidewalk as fast as my majestic legs could take me. I couldn't find her anywhere. Forget about calling her, my phone died this morning and I swear I have like 37 missed calls from her and a million texts.

Making my way downtown, walking fast, faces past and I'm hellbound.

God past these lamp points and endless amounts of shrubbery, I just can't seem to find my lady. I ran faster, stopping at every intersection to scan over the area and find that small piggy.

I tripped over the curb and landed knee first. I scraped my knee badly and tore my trousers. I stood up and kept running. I felt so bad for standing her up, I don't even know if she's waiting for me. I hope she is, but it's been 4 hours. Maybe she's home by now but I promised her that I'll be here.

I saw her, that faint familiar figure or silhouette of hers. My feet stopped and I could only hear the loud cicadas being annoying asswipes and my harsh breathing. It was her and she looked so fucking good. Her little black dress made her look so tiny yet so desirable but I wanted to kick myself when I saw that she was running her arms. It was breezy at night and God I feel like a dick. She stood beside the marble wall of the building, her head down, fiddling with her phone and glancing up once in a while.

When she locked gazes with me I ran so fast to her. She looked at me and I couldn't make out what she felt, I didn't care right now. I needed to explain my self.

"Oh, God. I f-feel so, bad. I-I didn't kn-know that we h-had a c-conference at North City and I c-couldn't cancel it. I couldn't text you. My phone died earlier in the morning and I totally forgot about our plans tonight because our resource team tracked a downfall in our inventory and I had to be there. So I didn't have time to change or get you anything special. The floral shop I stopped by were closed so I popped by a crappy one beside the fast food restaurant. I ran here and I think I pulled a muscle but that's not important. I know it's shitty but I'm so sorry it won't happen again. Please forgive me, I feel so bad for standing you up. Even worse is that this week we haven't even been talking that much because of my work and I'm a shitty boyfriend and I thought you'd be home by now and not here. Oh god, even the restaurant is closed. Look, I'll make it up to you. I can't belie-" I felt myself stop spewing out words as she kissed me. Her arms wrapped around my neck and I dropped the bouquet of crippled nature on the floor and I pulled her in closer.

When she pulled away I felt myself yet again breathless, huffing and puffing desperately trying to regain oxygen back.

"Shh. I understand. I want to be mad at you but seeing you like this I know you tried."

"G-God I feel so bad. You don't deserve this, I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you Fany-ah, really. I honestly di-" She shushes me again with her intoxicating kiss and I felt myself melt within her hold. I breathed against her lips and she giggles before adjusting my tie.

"Shut up, you're annoying. It's okay Taeyeon-ah. But do it again and you can expect me to rip your head off. " She was going to bend down and look at my cut but I didn't let her. I made her look at me. God she looks so beautiful, like she came out of a magazine.

"Forgive me, for my foolishness and everything I've done. I wanted to make you believe in us and I put a bad start to things." I held her face in the palms of my hand and she only ever showed me her crescent eyes.

"Fine fine, you're forgiven. But seriously, I'm not that mad." She whispers and her arms wrapped around my back and I felt her tracing her fingers up and down my spine and it felt so tingly and bubbly.

"I quote, 'not that mad' so you are mad?" She shook her head.

"Can't be mad at someone who looked like they just ran a marathon. Plus, he's kind of cute."

"Who's cute? Were you looking at other options waiting for me? Fany-ah what the fu-"

"Wow you are really dense. I was referring to you." She said. I face palmed myself, sometimes I can't tell if she's serious or not. Her teasing physically and mentally exhausts me. My brain works overtime and it also shuts down completely when I'm with her.

I took my suit jacket off and draped it over her. I look up at her nervously and she cocks her brow looking back.

"C-Can I hold your hand?" I ask scratching the back of my head. I reached out for her hand by her side and she smacks my hand away and I shuffle backwards scared out of my wits.

"My idiot." She quickly takes holds my hand before looming straight up. I smile like the idiot I am to her before trailing behind her as I couldn't keep up with her pace. I held her hand proudly and marched away to my car. I'm tired, she's tired and I just want this day to be over.

We laid in bed with her small self curled up next to me and playing with my fingers.

I couldn't stop bringing up what I did wrong every moment we spoke a word and I think I annoyed her with it because at the end of the conversation she told me 'if you don't shut up about it I'm going to be actually mad at you and you won't get to cuddle this cute ass to sleep.'

We escalate into a full make out session when I remember we have a trip tomorrow.

"Tomorrow, we're going to Las Vegas, and you should help me pack because I don't do packing." I say smiling the widest smile I can possibly do.

"Las Vegas? Why? What's the occasion." She asks sitting up.

"I have a business meeting there with some investors. I extended the trip 2 more days so we can have a mini vacation. I feel bad for ignoring you this past week Fany-ah."

"I don't know if I want to go Taeyeon-ah." She said softly.

"Why? It'll be fun trust me. I get really bored on these trips and I'm lonely. You can be there and accompany me."

"Well I'm trying to save up, and you know that trip is expensive." She trails off not looking at me.

"If this is about you 'leeching' off me or money or even something along the lines of 'paying me back' don't worry about it. Like you've always said, I'm 'one of the wealthiest businessman on earth' I can afford it.' I have the money."

"That's you, not me Taeng-ah. I can't." She says softly, still looking dejected.

"Why not? I do what I do best and that's business. I work hard to earn money and I get paid to do it. What's the point if I can't spend my money on you? I don't even need 90% of it to live comfortably and it's honestly too much for one person. This shouldn't even be argued Fany-ah, this conservation shouldn't even exist between us."

"It's different. I'm not in a position to be asking you to pamper me or to pay things for me when I'm fully capable."

"You have someone else to do this for you? Another person to be the one to spoil the crap out of you because you deserve it?" I think I said that too passive aggressively.

"No, no. Taetae, it's not like that. It's just you, and only you please don't get the wrong idea. It's just I'm not used to it and frankly I never will be. Just let me think about it? Please?" Her little plead made me feel a bit soft. I am not soft, I am a dense brick with a hard as shell ego but damn it she does something to me.

"I'm not going then."

"Taetae, please don't be upset. I don't want you to be burdened by me. You should go, I'll be home waiting for you." She slowly caressed my jaw and kisses my neck while snuggling closer to me. Fuck you Steph, you got my walls crumbling down and I can't help but soften at your touch.

"One day this money will be yours too." I say bluntly. I shouldn't have said it, but I did.

"What do you mean? Taeyeon-ah?" She finally looks up with at me, her face full of confusion and angst.

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. You're going with me and that's final." She sighs and nods her head. You can't win against my Steph, like I said if I want something I'll get it. It's how I am and I'm sorry for being a dick.

"And I know you swapped my credit card with yours and you even changed the PIN number to be the same as mine. How do you even know my PIN number?"

"I did not do any of what you just said." I shrug and pretend I didn't know what she was talking about. I mean, I know everything about her. Plus she uses the same fucking digit for everything like her passwords and shit, didn't take a fucking scientist to figure that crap out.

"Yes you did! Your name is on that card and I put it back on the nightstand. You know what you did Taeng! Yore unbelievable sometimes. I don't want your money and I don't need it. I can afford to pay for my own needs Taetae."

"What's wrong with a little extra 10.5 million in your bank account?" I snigger and she pushes me by my shoulder and pouts.

"Fine, don't take my card then. I'll just find another way to make you use my money and you can't stop me. Just go to the trip with me please." She sighs and slightly nods.

"Hm, you're cute." I say pinching her cheeks.

"Ugh, stop it. You're so persuasive I hate it. Stupid dick." She says hugging me like a koala. She's only serious when she curses at me. Only makes you cuter Steph, like a thousand times more.

We stayed quiet for a few moments till I dragged her out of bed as she cooked breakfast for me. God bless, I'm never going to be eating a piece of toast with a poorly smeared pat of butter on it ever again.

"Tae! That's not how you pack things!"

"What do you mean that's not how you pack things?"

"Throwing clothes into a luggage, sitting on it and zipping it up is not how you pack. How can you be so clueless?" Steph frowns at my packing technique.

"I don't normally do this, okay? I usually just go and buy clothes wherever I'm at."

"Omo, what can't you do with money . ." She trailed off as she picks up one of my trousers.

"You can do everything with money."

"Do you own anything but suits?"

"Yeah I have a couple of polo shirts in my closet. I think."

"Do you own anything but classic wear?"

"Not really. Stop judging my wardrobe. I know you find me extremely attractive when I wear my dress shirts that are a little bit too tight for me and the first few buttons are unbuttoned and my sleeves are rolled to my elbows." I say with a wink.

She looks away blushing, shoving me a bit by the shoulder.

"Packing is so tedious and stupid." I give up and throw the rest of my shirts on the luggage.

"You're tedious and stupid."

"What was that? Ms. Hwang can you say that again?"

"You're tedious and stupid."

I turn around and pretend to sulk. Bad idea, because this flirty midget likes to tease me.

"My baby." She purrs in my ear.

I grab her by the arm and pin her against the wall and she yelps before I lean in to give a small peck on her nose.

"Boop." She rolls her eyes and kicks me in the groin and I kneeled at her feet.

Her evil laugh didn't make up for it and she sat in between my legs, pushing her back to sit flush to my front as I wrapped my arms around her waist.

"How did you sleep when I wasn't with you?" I asked stroking her hair.

"What do you mean?" She grabs my collar playing with it.

I brush her fringe aside, sighing. "Yesterday night, you didn't sleep peacefully. You had a nightmare but you didn't wake up. Instead, I just calmed you down I guess."

"Oh."

"Tell me, did you have bad dreams when I wasn't here? How long have you been restless?"

"Um."

"Please tell me? Fany-ah?"

"I slept very little because every time I did try to sleep I woke up, and you know." She frowns and slips from my grasp and occupies her hands with my clothes.

"Why didn't you call me? I would've drove to your place and cuddled you to sleep." I help her fold my clothes, but her eyes gave me disapproving looks as she unfolds the shirts that I folded and did them herself.

"Because I didn't want to disturb you. You seemed stressed that week. I just stayed awake most of the time waiting for morning to come."

"Your well being is more important to me than my work. I'm never letting you sleep alone ever again." I say tugging the luggage out of her grasp forcing her to look at me.

She merely replies with a nod and tugs the suitcase back in front of her, fixing the shoes on top of it.

"Was it him again?" She nods.

"You don't have to worry anymore. He's gone."

"Wait what? How do you know?" She stops fiddling with my shirts and looked up at me, scootching her bum to park herself right up against my legs.

"I took care of it."

"Took care of it?"

"Yeah."

"Tae, what? Taetae. . you don't mean. . the day you were bleeding, you. . ." She trailed off.

"Fany-ah, let's not ask too many questions."

"I asked if you hurt anyone, or if you k-killed anyone. Tae, did you?"

I stayed quiet.

"Taetae? Did you?" She asked with a slight quiver in her voice. You see, when she calls me 'Taetae' I basically surrender.

"Yeah."

"You lied to me?"

"I wasn't going to."

"Tae." She said with a sigh. Her voice dripped in disappointment.

"I didn't kill him if that's what you're asking, you're not dating a murderer." I firmly stated, frowning at the thought of her leaving me because of that.

"They're going to take you away from me. Tae please don't do this for me, I don't want you to be involved." She muttered, hugging the side of my body desperately.

"I had to do it. For you. Okay, he's not here anymore. He's gone, he can't hurt you anymore." I patted her back but she started to wiggle out of my hold and lift up my shirt.

She starts inspecting my body, her feather like finger tips grazes the side of my abdomen and trail to my back. "The blood, it wasn't yours." She whispered.

"Is he okay?" My blood literally boiled. Who the fuck cares if he's okay?

"Why do you even care if he's okay? He deserves to fucking die if anything."

"Tae, he's still a person."

"You're stripped of that privilege once you treat someone the way he treated you. That's inhumane. He's not a person, he's a fucking turd that is what he is. He's never coming back, why cant you just appreciate what I do for yo-"

She pushes me gently, cutting me off. "What did you do to him? Tae, tell me." She asked, pulling on my shirt. I guess being that small has it's perks.

"Beat him senseless. That's what I did and I'm pretty proud of it if you ask me, and no I won't apologize for what I did. I had every right. I'm standing by my statement."

"T-They're going to find out Taetae, they're going to come for you. they're going to kill you, take you away from me. I-I can't Taeyeon-ah, you're doing this because of me and I-"

"You got one thing right in that sentence, and it's because I'm doing it for you. I'm not going to talk about this anymore Steph, it's done. He's gone." She didn't say anything more, looking down playing with our intertwined hands as she swung them back and forth lightly.

"Did you get hurt?" She quietly asked. She goes from asking about Nick to worrying about me.

"No. Taeyeon never hurt. Taeyeon strong." I said like I was the Hulk, thumping my chest with my fist. She frowned and rubbed the spot that I hit.

"Taeyeon strong boy, Taeyeon smash." I started running like an ape and I guess that took our minds off Nick because she started smiling again.

She's so precious, like a small bean.

I run to the closet and pick up a pink box with a white ribbon on it. I squat down beside her and slide the box next to her. She stops and picks the box up and place sit on her lap.

"What's this?" She asked with a confused face.

"Open it!" I smile wider, hoping that she'd like my present.

She gently unties the ribbon holding the box together and opens the lid.

"George?! I thought I lost him in the house!"

"Remember the time I was spamming that sticker in our chat and you said it looked just like me? It reminded me to go find him and I did, in the corner of your room tucked under a bunch of books." I say proudly.

"You complained for a full 20 minutes that it looked nothing like you and you said I was bullying you by comparing you to an animal which you took great offense on." She sulks and pinches my side.

"In my defense, I've never been called an animal before. Okay? Okay."

She picks the plushy up and hugs it to her chest.

Then my heart just popped at the sight of that. Too cute, too cute.

"Now you can sleep with me forever, even when I'm not here." I had to choke on my words when I said that. God, cheesy talk is so painful.

She smiles finally knowing what this plushy was for.

"My byuntae." She smiles at me.

She kisses the corner of my mouth and holds a loving gaze to me.

"Let's pack your luggage Taetae." She smacks the side of my head and pushes my ass towards the pile of mess on the floor when I stared at her for too long.

"Ow."


	10. Confession

Stephanie Hwang

He came into the room, taking off his suit jacket before unbuttons his shirt and cufflinks. He took of his watch and walked over to his nightstand, gently placing it on top before putting his phone beside it.

He did all that with a big sigh and I poked him in the butt.

"Hi. I missed you. The naked men downstairs in the lobby didn't entertain me enough."

He scoffs and kisses me on the cheek, going into the shower without saying another word.

"Wanna come upstairs?" He asked, still drying his hair with a towel.

"There's an upstairs?" I gesture for the big guy to sit down. He crossed his legs as he sit on the floor. I sat on the edge of the bed and dried his head for him.

"Yeah it's something called a roof." He retorted. I rolled my eyes, still amused by smart ass Taeng.

"Oh shut up Kim." I hissed, and followed him up the hidden path of stairs right beside the entrance, walking up to some secret hidden door.

I clung onto Tae, trying to catch the glimpse of warmth as the cool Las Vegas summer breeze swept my body.

"Did you bring a bag of chips with you?"

"Of course." I said, opening the bag and offering him some. He shook his head, probably baffled by how much I love my snacks.

On the roof was a complete patio set. Chairs, tables and one of those umbrella thingies. There was even a bed in the middle of the roof.

I skipped my way there, taking off my slippers and removing the plastic cover on it. I jumped on the bed as I watched Tae slowly but surely make his way to me.

"Slow ass."

"Shut the fuck up Hwang." He took off his bear slippers that I thought were uberly adorable and pushed me off the bed, making me land on the floor.

"Yah! What the hell Taeng!"

"You were in my spot." He said with a shrug, wow. What a gentlemen.

I crawled back on the bed and swung my bag of chips on him, not caring if some of it spilled out and landed on his face.

"You smell like cheese."

"Wow, no shit piggy. I wonder who threw a bag of Doritos at me."

"You kicked me off the bed, don't think I won't come after your scrawny ass Taetae."

"Who the hell you callin' scrawny?" He said poking me on the head as I squirm on his chest.

He propped himself up and made a pile of pillows so he can lean back to. I just laid on his chest as he kept doing that, watching the bright lights and admiring the city that never sleeps. I loved it, I loved how lively and alive the city was. It was fresh, when I looked outside my house it was just a neighborhood full of houses. I go to Taeng's house and I see downtown, but there's not like it when you've wrapped around yourself someone and eyeing silently the flickering 24/7 lights.

I kept pulling on his shirt for no reason, I just did it just cause."How was your business thingy."

He grunted and his hand caressed my side before patting my back soothingly.

"Didn't turn out, huh?" He shook his head and sighed.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Hm, I couldn't get a project approved by some of my colleagues. They didn't like it, said it was too risky and they didn't want to fund or take any chances on it."

I was already zoning out the moment he said project. I can't do business related topics, they bore me.

"Wanna play 20 questions." He asked, and I started reminiscing the first time I met him and when he asked the same question.

"Again?"

"Yeah. I want to know."

"Okay, shoot Kim."

"How was your childhood?"

"It wasn't anything special."

"Well, what did tiny energetic baby Fany like to do?"

"I liked to dance." He bursted out laughing and I heard all the rumbles of his laughter in his chest. I frowned and smacked his side, wanting him to stop.

"Ballet, I liked to do ballet."

"Is it because you got to wear little pink tutu's and ballet slippers? You got to dress up like an elegant princess."

"Yup." He started chuckling again and when I smacked his smug face he tried to hide his sniggers.

"But I had my siblings to play with, you know. Michelle was always mean to me but I guess if you're the older sister it kind of makes sense. She always grounds me but I know it's for my own good I guess."

"And Leo?" He asked with an amused face, playing with my hand that kind of got me distracted.

"Leo was a dinky rat. He always bullied me, just like how you bully me."

He groaned and kissed the top of my head. "Oh come on, it can't be that bad. Can it?"

"It's pretty bad, sometimes I think of plans on how to leave you." He gave off a straight face and literally stared at me with a serious glare.

"I'm just joking, stop being a pussy." I teased.

"Not funny, but nonetheless go on."

"Um, I liked to sing. There was this one time I got selected from an entertainment company to audition in Korea. I was so stoked. I swear I could've been famous Taetae."

"Well, how did it go?"

"I told Daddy about it and he said no. He didn't like the idea of me being a singer or to be so far away from the family. I begged him and ignored him for like a week when he didn't change his mind. Being the youngest he always had a soft spot for me, but it also makes him like overly protective. At least Leo was supportive about it."

"I can imagine a very pissed off angry HellFany to be honest. I gotta say, your family's a trooper for putting up with someone like you." I slapped his arm and got off his chest, laying on my side so that our shoulders just touched as we looked at the sky.

"Yah, stop hitting me. I'm just joking. But it's true, on the outside you're like a fluffy jellybean who's so nicey and cutesy and eyesmiley, but then when you get mad oh my god. You're scary when you're mad." He said, poking my ribs with a shy finger. "Your eyesmiles are deadly."

"Whatever, Daddy had to deal with an angry Stephi so."

"What about your mother?" I tensed he mentioned my mother. I dreaded the day he asked about her. I didn't want the day to come where I told him about her.

"She didn't get a say, she passed when I was younger." He stopped rubbing my back for a second and then resumed, muttering an 'oh.'

"I miss her." I softly said.

"Oh Stephanie." He mumbled and pulled me into his arms.

"She left too fast. I-I didn't get to show her the invitation I got to audition at the agency. I didn't see her at my graduation. I didn't get to do a lot of things before she left."

"But you go to do a lot of things with your dad right? Were you happy at least?" He asked with a frown etched onto his face.

"I wasn't happy that I didn't get to pursue my dream of being a national singer. But, being with Daddy and my sister and brother was enough. They helped me a lot since I was the youngest."

"But Michelle was there, even though she's my sister and I sometimes hated her for making me stay in and do homework, ground me when I did bad things. She was there." The lingering feeling of my mom was still there. It's here with me right now.

"Ah, the older sister eh? Jiwoong and I always got along we never really had someone who was in charge. Honestly, I think it was always me in charge because I'm kind of an ass." I smiled, still remembering the days of me and Michelle having petty fights all because I took it hard that mom was gone.

"Kid Leader Taengo." I muttered.

"I was the one people followed back in school, I was like the boss." He said with such confidence that oozed with charm.

"Well you are now. You're also still kind of an ass." I jabbed back at him with an insult. I'm never going to stop teasing him and he won't stop either.

"Fany-ah. It's hard isn't it?" He sat straight up, crossing his legs to face me.

"What is?" I got up and did the same, tugging on his fingers.

"Your mother?" I nodded.

"Fany-ah, I know it sucks. But look at you now, wouldn't she be proud of you? For staying here, taking care of your father, being with your siblings? You grew up to be such a smart beautiful young lady who has the urge to teach a bunch of mini drunk offsprings that are pretty much the spawn of devils." I smiled at his attempt to lift up the sad mood.

"I didn't get to do what I liked the most. Teaching is second to my dreams Taeng."

"Then what's stopping you? Either way your mothers up there watching over you. She's seen you cry, laugh, tease me, bully me. She's been there for you through all of it. She is there."

I don't know what's stopping me.

"It's just, she's not physically here. I know she's there looking after me but it's not the same."

"Then I'll be here for you then." Sigh, not the same Taeng.

"Taetae."

"No, no. I will be. Like I promise." He said his eyes twinkling like he was some cartoon. He touched my thigh and lifted his pinky finger up, waiting for me.

"Promise?" I asked, lifting my hand up.

"Promise." He said, hooking our fingers together like we've sworn to be each others best friends.

We went back into the hotel room and ordered food. I didn't know what to order so I played it safe and got chicken strips and fries. He scolded me saying how i got such a cheap meal when we're in like a 5 star hotel.

Meanwhile, he ordered a smorgasbord of caviar, fresh salmon, truffles and all that jazz. I didn't eat any of it, opting to just eat nuggets because nuggets are life.

"Question, why do you always eat like an ape?"

"Hungry."

I slept later after we ate, passed out from a food coma. No regrets.

I woke up to a few pokes on my arm followed by a kiss.

"Go away."

"Let's go for a car ride?" He whispered softly beside my ear. It was like heaven really, but my body was telling me sleep.

"Later."

"Now, come on. I'm a good, safe driver. I promise"

"Why, we can take a drive later." He tugged at my arm and lifted me up, carrying me on his back as he slipped shoes on for me. I tightened my arms around his neck and stuck my head into his neck wanting to sleep some more.

He placed me down in the car seat and reclined it back. I smiled drowsily at him.

He starts laughing uncontrollably and knowing him he's probably laughing at me.

"Stop laughing!" I whined.

"You look like a baby hippo, weigh like one too." My jaw dropped when he said that.

"Excuse me?!" I am so highly offended.

"Okay sorry bad example. You're a baby rhinoceros." I frowned and flicked his forehead.

"You're not very good at this Kim Taeyeon."

"Elephant?" I was so close to ripping his head off.

"Fine. Baby piglet." I kicked his shin. "That's it you're dead Kim!"

"Yah." He scolded me, rubbing his shins and smiled. I was about to wipe that stupid smile off his face before he pulled something out of his back. My eyes darted at his hands, my heart pumped at the sight of my monkey George.

"Why do you bring him literally everywhere?" I said, reaching out for my stuffed animal.

"Because it coaxes you to be with me. You don't seem to get angry at me when the little guy's around. I love that fluffy thing of plush."

"You're just using him."

"It works." He says buckling my seatbelt for me. He wasn't wrong. My anger towards this teasing blub was gone.

For an hour I looked outside staring at the lights passing by, listening to his hums as I had no idea where we were going.

I got out of the car and followed him as he sat on the edge of the cliff, patting the edge beside him.

"That's not safe."

"Oh come on, I'll catch you if you fall."

"Not if I tumble down and die first."

"Not on my watch." He says, extending his hand and I took it. Trusting him completely.

"I like the view. That's the only reason why we're here."

"I thought you brought me here to serenade me, recite a poem."

"Do you want that? I'll sing you a song, say a few lines from Shakespeare. Oh Juliet, Juliet, let down your long hair."

"You got that completely wrong."

"Well I tried." He shrugs and I bursted out laughing. Loving this silly dork.

I crawled into his lap as he leaned back onto his arms. I leaned back as well, feeling so snug up against his front.

He's my personal lawn chair.

"How many stars are up there?" I suddenly asked, noticing how the white dots in the sky started to twinkle.

"More than one." I smiled at his smart ass reply, he wasn't wrong.

"Dumbass." I quipped. He scoffed and wrapped his arms around my stomach, resting his chin on my head.

"How about endless? Like my love for you." My eyes widened. Love, love? For me? My heart thumped wilder and I hoped my ears deceived me.

"Wait what?" I asked quietly, turning around to face him.

"What?" He asked curiously, turning his head slightly.

"What did you say?" I ask sitting up more straight. My hand went to reach out for his shirt, clutching it desperate to hear it.

Please don't play with my feelings.

"The dots in the sky you were looking at, you asked me how many were there. Correct?" I nodded quickly like a little kid awaiting a treat.

"The stars up there. There's too many to counts plus there's an endless amount. So, my love for you are like he stars in the sky. Endless and ever lasting. Stars rarely die and they live for a helluva long time. But when they do end, they turn into a cluster of spectral colours; a super nova. They go out with a bang." I listened to him silently as I watched him point here and there and end up looking at my ears.

"Fany-ah. I can't be like your mother, give you the same type of love that a mother provides a child. Trust me, I long for that too. But I'll fill that void, I'll give you another type of love."

"I think, I love you?" He said with an unsure voice. I wanted to cry, to push him far away from me.

It's so impossible to love someone like me.

"I made promises to you Fany-ah. The promise to keep you safe, to never hurt you, make you laugh, fill those bad memories with goods one and protect you with my hearts content. I'm never going to be like what you went through 8 months ago. But remember, I am not perfect. I can not be that knight in shining armour for you but I can be Kim Taeyeon for you."

"Please let me love you? It's the only thing I seem to do right."

I sighed, I didn't say anything I didn't nod I did nothing. I just played with his fingers like I always do as he stared at me with side eyes.

An 'I love you' is a little too early, in my opinion.

"I don't expect you to say it back by the way. Just wanted to tell you what I felt." I felt so bad. I had no way of telling him because I wasn't sure.

"Just a caution by the way. My past isn't clean."I hummed. No ones past is clean, not even mine. So who am I to judge?

I clutched the stuffed animal tighter in my arms, wanting nothing but to run away and hide for awhile.

He sighed and brought us back to the hotel. That night he slept on his back staring at the ceiling. I was laying on my side looking at him.

I felt guilt. I cant return that type of feeling.

Love is not something that can happen so fast. Yet he confessed so early.

"I'm sorry, Taetae." He shook his head and scotched closer to press a lingering kiss on the crown of my head forehead.

"Don't say sorry. I understand." He stroked my hair and tucks me under his chin, mumbling a goodnight as I inhale his familiar scent.

Love is a strong word.


	11. Ultimatum

Stephanie Hwang;

I watch as the hand of the clock struck 6, patiently lounging on the couch staring at Tae as he furiously typed on the keyboard. His company was doing even better than before amidst the recession, his plan to invest in different sectors had worked and now he sits on even a bigger pile of cash. It's only been 3 days since I came with him on this business trip. Today was our last day but he chose to spend it in his makeshift office in our hotel.

His working face was so attractive, his eyes were focused on the screen and his jawline as defined as he had a habit of clenching down his jaw as his face showed a serious expression. His complexion was completed with his brows furrowed a bit. Working men are the sexiest.

I caught myself checking him out many times while he was working, opting to lay on the couch with my phone instead of going out to the casino's and rather lively streets.

"Stop staring you're distracting me, gosh." He says not even looking up from his screen.

"Baby, we're going to be late for our reservation."

"One second, just let me finish up this report."

"You've been working all day let's go out before we have to board the plane. I miss Prince too."

"Prince will live don't worry."

"Taeyeon-ah! You said you'd take me out on a vacation! Stop working yourself to death!"

"2 minutes. 2."

I march over to his laptop and pluck it out of his hold and stuff it in his briefcase annoyed at how he puts off our dates when it comes to work. I let him watch me gather his items briskly putting it in his briefcase as fast and as aggressively as I can.

"Hey." He grabs my hand as I attempt to march out of the office with his stupid briefcase.

I yank my arm out of his grasp and continue to walk to the elevator. He jogs to catch up to me, and the elevator ride down to the parking lot wasn't as pleasant either.

"Psst."

I ignore him.

"Psst." He repeats louder.

A couple of people stare at Tae and I, wondering what was going on.

"Pss-" He goes again before I stomp on his foot to get him to shut up.

"Ow." He hisses quietly.

The elevator door opens to our floor and I step out casting a fake smile to people looking towards us.

Taeng trails behind me holding his foot in pain.

"Are you mad at me?" He asks keeping his eyes on the road as we drive.

"Pigsy, please answer me."

"Stephanie." He says firmly after I didn't reply to his first question.

"What?" I snap at him. Tae you're so stupid of course I'm mad why are you so dense.

"Are you mad at me?"

"Ugh, you know what. Turn the car around let's go back to the hotel."

"Steph."

"No, don't even right now Tae."

"I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you?"

"That's what you said yesterday! You'd make it up to me and look where we are now!"

"I've been working Steph, you have to accept the fact that there will be days that I go overtime for. I'm a workaholic, and I've already adjusted my schedule for you, cutting 4 hours out of my day each day for you."

"You work all day, all the time non stop. You come back late most of the time, you cancel our dates, you ignore the things I ask you to do like eating and sleeping, or even coming home on time. I ask you to take care of yourself and you can't even do that. You're putting work before me."

"Don't say that Steph." He says slightly raising his voice. "I've done nothing but put you first. Don't say stupid things like that."

"Don't make stupid promises you can't keep." I mumble under my breath. He stops the car immediately and looks at me, his eyes giving dark glares and his jaw clenching. I think I just pushed a major button.

"Is home where you want to go?" He asks quietly.

I nod looking out the window.

"We're not going home then. You're having dinner with me."

Before I could protest he turns the car the other way and drivers faster than before, his knuckles turning white as he grips the steering wheel tightly.

We ate our dinner without speaking a word. The silence was agonizing but I wanted to prove a point of how angry I was with him. Maybe I was a little overboard and him working was a habit of his. A habit he can't really break because that's his job.

The glances we occasionally gave each other were broken quickly by me as I looked away not wanting to see his serious expression. When we have small fights like this he has never raised his voice towards me or has ever shouted at me. He's always been gentle and calm for me, in which I thank him for. Taeyeon-ah I'm sorry.

He excused himself from the table and I call the waiter for the bill wanting to end the 'date' as quickly as possible.

"So, what is a pretty thing like you doing here?" He says with a wink and whistles slyly. He looked like some greasy man at a pub looking for a quick fuck.

"I don't know, eating? Isn't this a restaurant." I shot back at him.

"Feisty, I like." He smirks and slides a piece of paper with his number on it."Hit me up for a good time yeah?"

I roll my eyes but flinch at the sudden sound of a hand slamming on the table followed by a loud deep voice.

"Listen you punk bitch, she's fucking taken by me!"

Tae grabs the waiter by the collar and throws him on the table in front of us, and starts to punch him. The running blood from the waiters nose flowed like Niagara falls. He cupped his head trying to lessen the hard blows Taeng inflicted at him. Groans came out of his mouth and Taeng continued at his face.

The veins on Taeng's neck were prominent and the his fist were rapidly getting bloodier by the second. He looked like he was going to kill the man by the looks of his eyes. They were filled with pure anger and the look of a cold hearted killer. He never did tell me what he really did to Nick.

If I had to guess, it was worse than what this waiter got.

The clashing of utensils, a broken table and the whispering of people in the restaurant cause me to get up and stop Tae.

I squeeze myself between the waiter and Tae and hugged him. I gently tugged his arm and pulled it from the waiter. The hug made him stop as I push him out of the restaurant. His breathing was all over the place but slowly calmed down. His jaw never seemed to relax and the balled fists didn't open. He kicked the fallen bloody man in the stomach before walking out.

"Fucking stay away from my girl." Was Taeng's last words.

As we walk out of the restaurant he takes his suit jacket off throwing it at a wall, while spitting some blood out. How he had a bloody mouth is a question I asked myself but decided to not bombard him with.

We sit in the car, not looking at each other.

"Why did you do that?" I ask looking straight at the mirror.

"Because I wanted to."

"Taeyeon don't give me bullshit, you didn't have to cause a scene. Why did you do that?"

"Because I fucking wanted to."

"It wasn't necessary."

"He cat called you and attempted to get with you! The guy had the nerve to undress you with his eyes. He even gave you his number!" He practically shouted.

"I handled it fine until you came! Don't you have morals? You didn't have to do it in front of everyone we're in a public place and you caused a big scene Taeyeon!" I say matching his tone clearly pissed off.

"I don't have fucking morals when it comes to someone disrespecting you!"

"You're stupid jealous and possessive! You're suffocating me, why don't you trust me?"

"I can't trust you when you're clearly oblivious to the fact that guys wants to get into your pants! Why can't you act like you have a boyfriend sometimes or better yet a relationship!"

"Excuse me? I'm not oblivious to them, I brush them off like any person with a boyfriend would. Taeyeon you're being ridiculous."

"You think my feelings for you are ridiculous? Remember the time you met Donghae and kissed him on the cheek? Or the time you let Siwon back hug you and he put his hand on your ass but you did nothing about it? Yeah guess what? I beat the living shit out of both of them."

"First of all, it was a polite kiss! you introduced me as your girlfriend how am I supposed to react? I did it because I wanted to keep your image up! Second of all, Siwon? You barked at him and pulled me behind your back the in a split second when you thought you 'saw' him put is hands on me! That was all you! You're unbelievable I can't believe you've held onto those, you hold grudges like a damn hoarder!"

"I'm only possessive and jealous because I fucking love you!" He says, slamming his hands on the steering wheel before shouting a loud 'fuck'.

"Just drive the car. Take me home I can't do this." I blink back the tears, not wanting them to fall. I can't even tell him 'I love you'.

Stupid Tae, it hurts to be with you.

The sounds of the car doors clicking shut was the only sound that echoed in the parking lot, followed by a loud slam of the door behind me by an angry Tae.

He grabs me by the arm yanking me back roughly.

"Stop it Stephanie, stop doing this." I flinch at the touch and memories start pouring in.

"Oh so now it's Stephanie? What happened to 'Fany-ah'?"

"Stop it, right now! I hate fighting with you!" I set myself free from his grip and stomp to the elevator.

"Are you going to keep fucking running away from your problems like you always do? When will you fucking learn Fany-ah!"

"Run? So you think all I can do is run Taeyeon-ah?! I've been through so much shit and the least you can do is fucking stop being insensitive about that!" I threw my purse at him, pissed off to no end.

"Take one more step and you'll regret it." I stopped in my spot, hating how that sounded exactly like Nick.

His voice piercing through my ears like he's roaring it even though it's a low growl. It's enough to make me shrivel up inside and hide. I can't even look at him anymore, he changed he wasn't the man I told myself that will make it okay. He was a figment of my nightmares, that I once saw myself looking in a year ago; the same one that left me, beat me, used me, and broke me.

Tears started flowing down endlessly as I fell to the ground sobbing still in his grasp. His hold loosened when I was on the floor crying.

"Fany-ah? Shit, I-I didn't. I'm sorry." He says softly and tenderly. He changed in an instant and I don't know who I was looking at anymore; my Prince Charming or the evil that was in my life a few months ago.

He reaches out and softly touches my shoulder. I move away not wanting him to touch me.

"Don't touch me." He hesitates and pulls back but he tries to reach for me again and I slap him across the face.

He looks down shocked at the slap, not being able to make eye contact with me.

"I-I'm sorry please stop crying, it was my fault."

I get up and run to the elevator, pushing the close button as fast I can wanting to leave him behind. I fumbled with the key card locking it and sliding down the door. Not being able to stand up because of the confusion and hurt he caused me I let my heart be sad.

I hear a soft thud against the door behind me and a small knock.

"Please don't cry, I hate seeing you cry. It's even worse because I'm the reason. I did this to you." He whispered it but I could hear it.

"Fany-ah I was wrong. I thought I was doing something right when I wasn't. I'm possessive and jealous, and I don't know how to deal with it, it's my first time.. Overprotective and a hot head is what I am and I-I can't lose you. I don't want anyone to look at my girlfriend and take her away from me, that's all that I was trying to prevent. I'm selfish and I want you all to myself."

"I can't lose you, and I'll do anything to make it right. Please forgive me." I sob harder crying into my arm trying to muffle the sound.

I thought he left when he didn't speak anymore, but I heard him sigh deeply. The quietness of the room sent shivers down my spine. I was never used to such a quiet ambiance, I longed for it to be filled with his rich tone.

"Maybe I'm not right for you. It was a mistake for you to be with me. What did I do to deserve you? What did I do for you to come to me like a gift wrapped neatly? You deserve someone better, one who one make you cry, who will put you first, someone that will care and love you with no strings attached. I love you a lot you know, I don't know what's stopping you from reciprocating?" He said breaking the hour long silence.

"I don't know what I want Taeyeon-ah. I know you're waiting for me to say it back. I-I'm not sure. It's so unfair to you, I can't do this to you. You don't know how long you're going to wait, I don't even know how long I can-" I couldn't continue. I shake my head, wiping the tears off my face harshly. My heart beats at every word he says that he loves me. Taeyeon, you're more than enough for me.

"I made the right choice involving myself with you, but maybe it's become parasitism, where you don't benefit from me at all. I don't deserve you but I don't want you to leave me. I-I'm not going to leave you. I'm selfish, we can make this work. It has to work. So please stop crying and smile for me."

My heart told me to open the door and let him in, to forgive him but my mind and emotions blocked that act out as a defense to what could've been a relapse to my former relationship.

I shook my head glad that I couldn't see his face. If I did I'd let my walls come down. I'll hand my heart on a platter for him. He'll be able to do what he pleases with it, toy with it, throw it away. "Maybe we should not, do this? Let's just do. . friendship."

"No, no. Fany-ah don't fucking say that." He kept repeating those words over and over again. He started to bang on the door, threatening to break it down. My name was called countless of times. He begged me not to do that. To stop.

"Please leave me alone Taeyeon-ah." I said softly. His thumping stopped and I heard his footsteps leave the door separating between us. When I heard another door click, I knew he left.

I crawl into my bed, taking his pillow and hugging if close to me cradling it to sleep, his scent still lingered from last night.

Taeyeon, I miss you, I miss the Taeyeon I know.

I woke up in the middle of the night in a freighted state with cold sweat breaking out of my pores. I immediately sit up and wonder why a certain warmth wasn't wrapped around me. I run my hands through the empty space beside me noticing Tae wasn't there. A wet stream trickled down my cheek and I knew I was sobbing.

The nightmare seemed so real, like I was being dragged back into Nicks house. Tae's touch on was like Nick, and Taeng's yelling today was shouted by Nick. It escalated to him tying me in a chair and . . . I woke up. The person kept shifting faces, back and forth. Tae to Nick, Nick to Taeng. After I saw myself being battered around like a soccer ball by the one who promised to protect me it scared me, the emotional pain seemed real too. I told myself that it wasn't real, that Tae would never do that to me. It hurt so much, and I needed Tae to be there for me right now even I felt like he was going to snap and do all those things to me.

He was always there when I had these stupid dreams. The only reason I coped with it was because of Tae. He knew how to calm me down even though I was asleep. Even if I did wake up he helped me differentiate reality and fantasy, telling me that it was okay and he was here with me. He'd hold my hand staying awake till I fell asleep. I know that every time I did wake up he'd never fall back asleep, he's afraid it will happen again and would rather stay up all night to watch me; to guard me.

I turn the lights on and gingerly made my way to the door opening it slowly to find Tae against the door leaning on the frame with his eyes closed.

My heart ached. He hadn't left, he was still here. Waiting for me outside my door,even though I wanted to break it off. I told him we should just be friends, to stop being in this whatever we called a 'relationship.'

But he stayed, he's here. It meant everything to me. Countless times have I heard that door click, not knowing the times my lovers would come back. I've watched the door close on me. Shutting me out, hurting me and making my life a living mess.

He's here. Taeyeon's here. It's proof, it's evidence. He's here to stay and I felt like he's telling the truth. He's not lying, he's not just saying that.I immediately sit on his lap cuddling close to his chest and rest my head on his heart hearing the thump every second in his chest. I help myself closer to him as if I'm going to lose him.

I felt so safe and calm when I'm with him. It was like he's my antidote to my nightmares, my safeguard or my supernatural aid. We fit together perfectly, it always felt good to be wrapped in each other's arms.

He brought his hand to my head pushing it closer to himself and soothing me.

"Baby, I'm here." He said in a quiet tone.

"I need you Tae, I need you." I say in between my sobs.

I hit him repeatedly on his back and chest letting out all my frustrations and he just sits there and I can feel his eyes on me.

"I deserve that." Tae softly says, holding me closer as I stop eventually.

"I-I can't leave you even if I tried. I don't want you to leave me." He nods and kisses my forehead before mumbling something against my head. I slept in his arms, still wondering back and forth on how we stand currently.

I don't think Tae slept at all because when I woke up he was looking at me with one eye lid closed and the other one threatening to close, and it twitched. It looked like a dancing piece of flesh.

I reached up to touch his twitching muscle but I guess my drowsiness got to me and I ended up groggily smacking him in the face.

Oops.

He groans and pulls away.

"Sorry." I laugh at the cute pouting face.

He puckers his lips waiting for his morning kiss as always. I give him a quick one. The corner of his lips tug at the side and the lopsided dimpled grin decided to make an appearance.

"Can we never fight again? It sucks." He sulks and hides his face from my sight.

I pull his face closer to mine and I trail my eyes down his chest just to see a purple grayish bruise under his collarbone.

I trace it with my finger gently, and he shuffles uncomfortably. Tears threaten to spill out of my tear ducts the longer I stared at it.

"Hey, don't worry about it I deserved it okay? I'm fine. I didn't even notice till you looked at it." He says bringing my hand to his cheek while his smile dimpled faced showed.

"I'm sorry too. Look it's so big and ugly, I didn't even know I couldn't do that. I'm sorry Taeyeon -ah." I manage to say above a whisper and my voice finally cracked and the tears overflowed and including stop crying.

He soothes me and pats my back telling me it's okay while kissing the tears away.

"Taetae I'm sorry." My fingers kept tracing the bruise and I kissed the corner of it. He shudders and I kept doing it again like I owed him something.

"It's okay."

"It's not if your chest is 30% covered in a purple bruise the size of one of my ass cheeks." I muttered. He laughs out loud and I cuddled closer to him.

He strokes my hair, wiping my tears away with his thumbs.

"I want to marry you."

I literally felt my eyes just bulging out of me and time freeze.

He continues to look up at me smiling as I stare back at him blankly not knowing what to say.

"I want to marry you." He repeats again but louder.

Nothing comes out of my mouth. The noisy birds just chirped and the cars continued to honk.

"I know you're not ready, but let me propose you an ultimatum, sort of."

"Taeyeon-ah, what happened to taking it slow?"

"I can't take it anymore. I don't want to lose you. I want you to be mine. I want to tell the damn world you're mine."

"What does a piece of paper and two rings have to say about our relationship? Taeyeon-ah, let's just wait okay?"

"No I'm not waiting any longer. The piece of paper and ring tells the world you're mine forever and always, and that no matter what happens we can fix it together."

"Tae, it's only been two months." My heart starts to tremble, it aches again. It aches when I'm nervous, scared , anxious all those dirty emotions. I'm not ready and frankly I'm afraid and scared. He'll leave me again once we marry, and it'll hurt even more since we're bonded by vows and those stupid papers. It'll take longer to leave, to run away.

"I know what you're thinking. I won't leave you for someone else, I thought we established this."

"Taeyeon-ah, I know we did. I do trust you, it's just tha-"

"No Fany-ah, if anything marriage is something you take risks for, both people are willing to sacrifice everything for. For example, if a toy is broken you'd try to fix it and give it you're all, but now a days people won't even try, not even put any effort into it and go out to buy a new one; a replacement. Marriage is like that. Instead of breaking up because we have problems, we try and fix it and give it our all. Marriage is like a special barrier made up of bonds to tell us to work it out and go through hardships together, it's our safety net that we can bounce on to save our hearts before we break off. No one can replace that special one we've chosen to be with for the rest of our lives Fany-ah, no one. In a regular relationship one doesn't have that safety net, it's not made up of bonds, so if we break up we break up that's if. It's as easy as that, they can go out and get a replacement with no effort at all."

My tears are just all over the place as he continues to let himself go. His focused and conversation face is displayed on his face, looking at me with sincerity.

"For 90 days, I'll give you a coin. During those 3 months I'll make you fall in love with me. If I succeed, I'll take the coins and buy a ring and we'll marry. If I don't, we use it to buy us a pair of drinks and never see each other again."

The ultimatum, he gave me an ultimatum.

"Our relationship is more than that and now you're making me chose? Why can't we wait? Why are you being so impatient Tae" I whisper to him breaking our eye contact. "I'm so scared."

"You don't have to be scared, I'll be with you every step of the way. These three months will solidify our relationship. I'll prove to you every single day that I'm right for you and that I'll treat you as my queen and with the utmost respect every single day of our lives as we spend it sparingly during the 90 days."

"I love you so much and I can't wait any longer, Fany-ah please."

"I don't understand why your testing our relationship. Isn't it enough for you Taeyeon-ah? Do you not know how I feel about it? We can wait, I need more time."

"No, all or nothing."

"Taeyeon-ah."

"No, you haven't told me. You haven't said it back to me yet. You're not sure, you're still doubting me. I'm prepared to pull and rip my heart strings for the next three months. I'll put my all in this, I just need to prove myself to you so that you can trust me."

"Tae, you don't need to pro-"

He cuts me off and sits up. "I need to prove it to you, I don't care. I'll kill myself for you if I have to. Just once chance, one chance with you Steph."

"What is there to prove Taeyeon? That you're better than my ex?"

"Yes, and more."

"You're nothing like him stop comparing yourself to him. Please you have nothing to prove I notice your effort Taeyeon, I do but please don't make me chose."

He grazes my cheek with the back of his hand and wipes the flowing tears off my face.

"6 hours ago you almost left. For good. I haven't forgiven myself for hurting you and for making you cry. I never will forgive myself. I can't go through that again, the fear of you leaving me as I was outside the door wanting you to let me in scares me. I still kick myself for doing that to you." The grazing of his hand over mine sent aftershocks to my rumbling heart. His touches were too much; too soft, too loving.

"I've forgiven you, I've forgiven you the moment you called whispered my name. I've forgiven you even more for the effort you've showed me, I've forgiven you Tae. I've forgiven you."

"I barely live with myself till this day because of what happened." He brushes my hair back tucking it behind my ear.

He pulls me closer to him letting me sit on his lap. At the point I don't even care about crumpling his shirt or wetting it.

"I want to spend every single day with you for the rest of my life Stephanie, and I want to call you my wife."

Holding his hand tighter and bringing it to my heart caused it to race faster.

"Promise me Taeyeon-ah?"

He pulls out a little blue box with a white silk ribbon on it and opens it. Inside was a silver and gold ring with the silver and rose gold metal ribbons intertwined which formed the shape of the ring, it was completed with a small pink diamond that nestled nicely on top.

"A promise ring. I promise you Stephanie."

I breathed in, pressing my forehead to his. Tracing his lips with my finger, kissing him softly. He takes it out and slides it on my trembling finger.

He opens my palm up and places a small blue rectangular envelop with a coin inside.

"Day 1." He says closing up palm.

Day 1, of 90.


	12. Dreams

Kim Taeyeon

"I like to be alone, but yet I don't want the feeling of being lonely." I mumbled, laying beside her as I drowsily tried to fight off sleep.

"You won't be anymore." She said, rubbing the side of my haw beckoning me to sleep.

"I can't tell if you're just babying me to sleep because you're fond of me, or if you're doing this because you want to finish planning your little field trip with your kiddies."

"Damn it." She said with a light laugh before switching to pat my head.

"Tell me, what are your dreams baby?"

"World domination." I rolled my eyes and she saw, laughing as she tried to think of something to say.

"I wanna eat 17 flavours of ice cream at once. I want to eat candy at 12 in the morning."

"Is that it? What kind of fucking dreams are those?" I said with such disbelief.

"Good dreams." I tiredly lifted my head up, questioning her life time goals.

"I want to attend fashion week in Paris, I want to see Kendrick Lamar in concert, I want to go to Hawaii, oh my god wait no Disneyland."

"I want to open my own fashion line." She said with twinkling eyes. Like you know, those comical anime eyes from those animated fucking shows? Yeah, she looked like that.

"I'm genie for you, girl." I said with a wink. She laughed and pushed my shoulder playfully. I sprung back in place only because I loved to invade her personal space.

"I want to do all those things with you." She said softly, caressing my head making me lay it back down on the pillow.

"With me? all of that? Even eating a dozen ice cream flavours at once? Meeting your all time favourite rapper?" I said my voice drifting to a hoarse mumble.

"Yeah, with you." She said like a feather, tugging my ear gently. I slept, dreading the day I'd have to go to the dentist to fix my teeth because of cavities. Knowing that I will do all those things with her. Even the ice cream shit.

I waited outside, sitting on the hood of my car.

I recognized the frame of her as she went through the door with a bunch of her colleagues.

Did I get a little stressed from the way men were talking and touching her? Yeah.

But I didn't say anything. I just wanted to be with her for today, no fights no bickering.

"Taetae!" She ran up to me with big smiles, she practically pranced her way to me.

She looked like a little kid.

"Hi piggy, how was work?" I asked, kissing her on her cheek.

"Stop calling me that. Why are you here? I thought you had to leave town for a couple of days?" She mumbled, still pressed up against me like the most clingy koala ever.

I shrugged."Got bored, missed you. Came home early. Wanted to pick you up."

"But who cares, lets go eat. I missed seeing you inhale your food."

"I'll snort it this time for your entertainment sake." I chortled, following her tug on my arm.

"Mm, attractive. Let's bounce Taebear."

"What are you, a gangster now?"

"Yo. Let's get going." She said, making peace signs as she threw her purse in the back of my car. I'd have to check my car for scratches later, girlfriend or not my car is still my baby.

A few hours later I had to drop my pink bundle at home because she told me she needed

Taeng,

My brother, meet me under the bridge under Aberdeen. Urgent.

\- Hyung

I drive to the secluded gated off area, slowly inching my car along the graffitied walls.

Turning off the engine I opened the door, stepping out of it to crane my neck around the place.

"Kim Taeyeon."

Fuck. I knew that sound anywhere, that damn clicking in his jaw. The raspy sandpaper like voice.

"Eunhyuk." I said. I bent my ass over, bending 90 degrees almost kissing his feet. I rose back up and he grunted, the slash in his eye never looked better.

"I see you got my text. Good good." He chuckled, lighting up a cigarette and offering me a hit. I declined politely.

"Heechul, where is he?" I said, looking at my surroundings.

"What about him?" He asked a cocked brow.

"He texted me, why are you here?" I took out my phone. scrolling through my messages.

"Wrong guy buddy." He says, puffing a ring of smoke in my face, clouding my sight. As it dissipated I read the phone number. It wasn't Heechul's.

He took a dip and dropped the cigarette on the floor, stepping on it as he grinded it with his heel. "Nichkhun? Messing with smaller ones eh?" He choked out. I rose my head from my phone screen, slacking my jaw at the mention of Nick's name.

"He left me with no choice." I said, wondering how he found out. Nickcunt probably ratted me out.

"So you beat him till he was crippled? Come on, you were a red pole, a leader. Can't start picking on younger ones, let alone someone part of our organization."

"I'm not a member anymore. I do whatever the fuck I want." I spat out, remembering the images of Stephanie crying because of him.

He sighed and ruffled up his hair, taking another cigarette out and offering me one again. I declined, not wanting to smell like shit. "Look, Uncle Lee Sooman is ill. There's an upcoming election and I need enough people to vote for me to be chairman."

"So? Why are you telling me this shit."

"You see, our own triad is fucking divided Taeyeon. We have our own rivalries within the organization. Were clashing and it's making us seem weak to the Sun On Yee. We're not stable as our own group. Half of the red poles don't think I'm capable of leading and they're voting for Jonghyun."

"Come back to the 18K. Side with me, let's restore our brotherhood and make me chairman."

"Fuck you. I walked away years ago."

"I will be the one to restore peace, stability and prosperity in 18K! I'll make damn sure I'll be chosen as the chairman. Nothing will stop me." He let out a low growl, the clicking in his jaw intensified.

He's always been such a mad dog.

"I left asking for peace. Uncle Lee gave it to me when I brought h the head of our rivals leader. It's been so long I don't even know who the fuck I killed for my freedom."

"Your skill and leadership were thrown away for a simple 'clean' legitimate business? Come on Taeng, that's not like you at all. Think about all the fun you had during those years, the girls, the dope, fuck man the money."

"Do you think I care about that anymore? I walked away. I'm not doing it again. That life, it's not for me."

"Oh but you left that Nick kid in a cellar tied up for 4 days, beaten to a fucking pulp. You did it, you started it. There's no going back now once you got your hands dirty. Now tell me you didn't enjoy that shit." He cooed, playfully shoving my shoulder.

"I didn't because I'm not a sick fuck like you." I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh but you were a sick fuck like me. What's your body count buddy? You were notorious for that." My fist balled up at the mention of my notoriety.

"Fuck. You." I walked back to my car, getting into it before he shot my tires out with a click of his gun.

"Shouldn't speak like that to your superior Taengo. Like I said, I need votes and I need people on my side. You, will be my backer since everyone fucking loved you for some stupid reason."

"You think I'll join you?"

"It's not a choice Taeyeon."

"In your fucking dreams Eunhyuk."

"Why? Don't think I won't make you. You'll have to, trust me. Or I'll have to touch that pretty little Tiffany of yours."

"Was it Tiffany, or was it Stephanie. Eh, doesn't matter same person."

"Don't fucking bring her into this."

"You did it to yourself. Nick came crying to me. Saying how you were going to kill him or some bullocks like that. Hearing that from Nicky boy, I know you're back in the game."

"It was a one time thing." I said with a clenched jaw. My hand gripping on the steering wheel.

"I heard you threatened Siwon too. Come on, don't be like that. We're all family, part of the 18K. Brothers." He puts a hand on my shoulder and I angrily yanked it away.

His eyes intensified and he gave me a crooked smile, bringing his gun up to press against my temple before aiming it high into the nights sky and shooting off a couple of rounds.

He started to laugh hysterically like a drunk man, he staggered closer to me, pressing his lips against my ear.

"I'll kill her." He said with a final click of his jaw. His hand was an iron clamp clenching my bicep, squeezing it enough that I'm sure it'll leave a mark.

I turned around and elbowed his jaw, grabbing the gun and cocking it. I pointed it to the shit man on the floor, rubbing his jaw.

He smiled again, grabbing the gun and pressing it forcefully between his eyes.

"Shoot me, kill me. But you wouldn't. You can't. You can't kill anymore." He chuckles with a throaty cough.

I can't kill anymore, he was right. I can't.

I swallowed the lump in my throat still keeping up a cold demeanor.

"I die, poor little Tiff-Stephanie dies." He says with a sing song voice.

"Stephanie's really hot, I mean I totally get why Nick was with her for so long. Probably a good fuck eh?"

"Don't fucking say her name, don't fucking say his name. Don't talk to her, don't touch her and don't bring her into this."

"I like her little doggy. It's cute isn't it? The white furball, man j wanted one when I was a little kid. Heh, did you know she always stays behind after school cleaning up after the kids for an hour a so before she takes the 547 bus home. What an unsafe route home, it would be a shame if anyone were to. . . take her."

"This is between me and you. You hear me?! Us!" I shouted, cocking the gun and inching my finger to pull the trigger. The man didn't even flinch.

"Heh. Look at you Taeyeon. Why are you so angry all the time? You think you're doing the right thing? You've always thought you were doing the right thing but then you saw your body count rise and you stopped, heh." He coughed and opened his dirty mouth to speak.

"You're a fucking killer. Always have been always will be. You can't run away. Accept your damned fate because she can't love you, she can't love a killer. She doesn't love you."

My breathing was unsteady, I felt myself loosing my own grip and Eunhyuk saw that. He reached up and left hooked me, making me drop the gun.

I stumbled backwards and I felt light being knocked out of me. My body ached and ached and I laid there not being able to process anything except the words of 'she doesn't love you.'

Ironic how I wanted to just be there for her and protect my little Puppy Hwang. But I've done worse than that. I've now put her in danger.

"You answer to me for now on Kim Taeyeon." He growled before knocking me out unconscious with the butt of the gun to my head. My thoughts danced in my head, the words 'she doesn't love you' echoed over and over again.

She will.

The first thing I did when I woke up was to pat myself for my phone.

I ignored the aches in my body, disregarded the dried blood on my finger tips. My shaky hands dialed her number.

Two, three, six rings in and I felt my heart skip. I didn't exhale.

"Hello? Taetae?"

"Where are you? Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Where were you? I called you a bunch of times but it went straight to voicemail."

"I-I was at work. Sorry phone died. I'll head home now."

"Okay, stay safe. I'll see you tomorrow."

I rolled over to lay flat on the concrete, my arms and legs sprawled out. I breathed out, relived that she was okay.

I wiped myself clean of the blood as best as I could. I changed my shirt and stumbled into a taxi.

I held my torso, grabbing onto anything to aid me in walking.

I reached the house with and opened the fenced gate. I dragged my right foot as I headed up the stoned path. My body thumped against the door and I slumped on it after I rung the door.

"Taeyeon? Fuck!"

I grabbed Heechul's hand, desperate for life.

I breathed again when I woke up, taking in my surroundings to be my own house. I sat up and my body didn't like that. I ached, barely stretching as I grasped the edges of my bed to get myself up. I raise my head just to see myself bruised, battered, beaten like I had done to Nick.

I scoffed as I touched the gauze around my shoulder.

Get to work, hide what happened, act normal. So that is what I did. I did that but kept my distance from Stephanie. Our daily meetings stopped, turned to an every other day meeting. We went out sometimes, not frequently anymore. I refused to sleep over her house, and I told her he couldn't come into mine. I made some bogus excuse saying it was getting painted and the fumes wouldn't be good for her precious self.

"Why are you ignoring me?"

"I'm not."

"You keep cancelling our dates."

"You know I'm busy."

"I know but you usually Face Time me till 3 in the morning. We haven't done that in a week."

"Sorry."

"Taetae, is something wrong?"

"No, I need to go I'll call you later." I threw my phone on the bed after I closed the call. I went to take a shower, finding that difficult too. If only someone could help scratch my damn back. I couldn't even reach my ass crack without me pulling a muscle.

I had trouble slathering cream on myself. I couldn't reach my back properly. Both of my hands were basically swollen and numb that they were practically useless.

I couldn't even bandage my own hand let alone pull my pants up.

I slipped and fell backwards, my back landing with a thump and I groaned our in pain.

I didn't bother getting up. My back was so bruised I felt like a sore blob.

I turned to lay on my side, pulling at the blankets that hung off my bed.

I painstakingly reached for the pillow and tucked it under my bed as I draped the blanket over my loosely.

I slept for a couple of hours, waking up only when I accidently rolled on my back. I drifted in and out of sleep, crazed out of my mind because sleep was impossible laying on my side on the floor.

I laid there, dazed out of my mind. Sleep was clouding it and I could barely open my eyes. "Taetae?" I breathed out, hearing my nickname given to me by my little Fany. I panicked, I felt vulnerable and I felt so exposed. I didn't want her to see me like this.

"Fany-ah, don't come close please." I croaked, grabbing the sheets and covering myself more.

"Taetae. . ." I felt her tiny footsteps behind me and before I knew it she has kneeled down, looking at my back as she caressed it ever so slightly.

"What happened?" She said with her soft voice. I felt the tingles of her fingertips grazing my back.

"I fell."

"Please be honest?"

"A bus ran me over."

I can hear her heavy sigh before she pressed her fingers on my back, making me jerk in pain. I turned around quickly, resting on my arms glaring at her.

"What the fuckles. That hurts." I growled, swatting her hand away.

She had an angry scowl plastered on her face and I felt a little scared.

"Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because it doesn't concern you?"

"Were a couple. . . everything that involves you concerns me too." She said with a slight incline of her voice. God damn it.

"Fany-ah. Stop asking questions." I gritted my teeth annoyed at her constant pushing.

"So it's okay for you to ask me questions? Make me answer them as you demand to know every little bit of my life?"

"Don't be so stupid. It's for your safety." I sighed out and rolled over, putting my hand over my eyes.

"I don't even know what got you so beat up to the point that you're limping and you tell me not to ask stupid questions because apparently caring for you is stupid."

"Fany-ah." I growled, pissed off at her tone and pissed off that she knows I'm limping. I tried so hard not to show it but here I am.

"No, you've ignored me for the past week and it's not because I'm clingy it's because I worry about your being. I don't even know what's bothering you to act like this because you never tell me anything. Now that I think about it i don't even know you at all. I still don't know what you did to Nick that nigh-"

"Don't fucking say his name!"

"Why not?! Nick, Nick, Nick, fucking Nick! The Nick I don't know what happened to because you didn't me! For all I know you killed him!" She shoved me as hard as she could but I only moved half an inch.

"I didn't fucking kill him!" I sat up and ripped the covers off myself, breathing harshly.

A large part of me told myself to stop.

I've realized I get so angry at her so easily. I'm always mad. We always fight, and for what?

She once told me I was insecure.

I didn't argue with her on that, because it's true.

"Then why can't you just tell me what happened when you met him? Why can't you tell me why you're aching and limping? What's so hard Taeyeon-ah? Why can't you just. . . say something?"

"I-I don't know. I'm not used to sharing anything, so take it how you will."

"Then can we change that Taeyeon-ah? Tell me everything from now on?"

"Will that make you love me?" She froze and I sighed. I'll try again tomorrow.

"Before I tell you, there's something you need to know about me."

"You may leave me for this."

"Do you still want to hear it?"

She paused for a moment and bit her lip. Little Fany is so cute when she's like this. She occupied herself by making me take off

"I'm willing to tell you everything if that's what you want so much. But you can't have bits and pieces, you have to take it all."

"I'm asking if you'll accept me for who I am now, not for what I did or who I was in the past."

"Are you ready?"

"Is it bad?" She said in a small voice.

"Yeah, Id have to say so unfortunately." I slowly got off the floor like a grandpa, sitting on the edge of my bed as I patted the spot beside me.

She shuffled towards me with small steps and sat across me, crossing her honey legs.

I took monkey George who was beside my pillow and nestled it onto her lap. She had a small smile, always showing a happy grin when that damned stuffed animal is there.

"You know me as Kim Taeyeon, some business guy who makes a shit ton of money. Gets bad bitches and parties all night. Typical millionaire right?" She nodded her head, cocking a brow at the 'bad bitches' part.

"That's all a show because I-I used to be part of the triad group 18K." Her eyes widened and her fingers shyly touched mine.

"Y-You were a gangster?" She asked a little too loud. It's not like I wanted he whole damn world to know. But we were in my house, far far far away from civilization. Kind of.

"You make it sound uncool." I muttered. She punched me lightly in the shoulder, pouting adorably.

"Because it isn't Taetae. W-What did you do in the 18K?"

"Well, I was a red pole. A boss basically, you know a leader. There's many red poles in the organization, that's how I met Heechul and Kris. Thing is, we all answer under Uncle Lee. He's the chairman."

"Who's Uncle Lee?"

"Some old guy who took me in when I ran away. Honestly I didn't know what I got myself into but he took care of me."

"Anyways. We had our own parts of the city we controlled, be it the night market, clubs etc. I had the entire cities bars and clubs under my control. They paid me for protection and if anyone entered our territory they got a personal beating, from me.

"You know I've done things I'm not proud of but it is what it is."

"What did you do? Taetae?" She tugged at the bottom of my shorts, leaning in closer to me listening so intently.

To tell, or not to tell. That is the question.

It's not that I don't want to, it's just that I don't want to scare her off.

Well I've already started the conversation might as well finish it.

"You know the usual. Armed robberies, drug trafficking, illegal deals with businesses. But I specialized in killing. . . Let's just say I tortured okay? Let's leave it at that." She backed away just a bit. I felt a little hurt from that but whatever.

"I was really good at it. Only because I was so angry all the time."

"You said you were part of them, so you left?" I nodded.

"One day our members staked out a hideout and the triad wanted the guys wife. I was told to get information out of her, in any way I could. That meant a lot of things that I could do."

"When I entered the house and saw his wife laying on the floor already shot dead that kind of screwed me over."

"I don't know why, but it did. I knew they were talking about having children, moving into the suburbs and having a quiet life. But she died before they could do that."

"I realized I wanted out, because in any given moment I could end up dead on the floor just like her. People could be after you no matter how hard you try to hide or how far you try to run away."

"I got scared because that life wasn't what I planned on doing for the rest of my life. The day before I planned to leave I was down by the 7-11 wanting go buy myself some damn jellies. The next thing I knew I got jumped, kidnapped, tortured and buried alive in some remote area by a lake. They contemplated whether to drown me or to sink me 6ft under the dirt. I heard it all."

"I remember myself being buried alive. Noting that I'll die like this. I just went to go buy myself candy. But I'd die a slow pathetic death because of what I had done and who u was. Luckily Heechul saved me, he pulled me out of that Fucking dirt pit and saved my skinny ass. I left as quick as I could the next day, spooked out of my mind. I opted for immunity and freedom, knowing that I've been given a second chance."

"So here I am now, like 4 years later or some shit. Keeping it low because that's what I kind of wanted."

"And Nick?"

"Eh gave him a few gentle slaps here and there. Threatened him, starved him in a cellar, nothing too bad."

She gave me a disapproving glare, probably knowing it was a lot more harsh that what i said it was.

"He didn't die. Unfortunately." She slapped me on the shoulder.

"Ow."

"Where is he now." She asked, fiddling with her stuffed animal.

"I ran him to Canada."

"Oh."

Yeah, Canada.

There was like a two minute silence and I think she was just digesting what I had said.

"What about your leg? Your back?"

"Uh." She stole another daring glance at me pleading silently for me to tell her.

"So, a guy I knew, a real pain in the ass asked me to join again."

"He what?!" She shouted. "Are you going to?!"

"Well. I told him no and then you know how that turned out. I kind of have to go back."

She wailed out an I nodded my head and she threw her stuffed animal at me.

"I kind of have to."

"What do you mean you have to! You can't just go back to killing people! What are you going to do Tae? Run around scaring people for payment? Start robbing stores? The things you do, they're not right! Y-You're a criminal."

"Fany-ah, i didn't know that what I did was wrong for a long time. I was brought up like this since I was young. I didn't know."

"So you didn't know you were murdering people for no reason? Didn't know that extorting people for money was bad? You were 15 at that time, a teenager who was capable of making assumptions that what you were doing was not okay!"

"I didn't know! Can you blame me? Huh? Can you blame me Stephanie!"

"You're a criminal Taeyeon! Yes I can blame you!" She said with such disappointment in her voice. It came with a frustrated sigh and I didn't know what to say.

And that is the time I knew she was scared.

"Right. I am a criminal. So, feel free to leave me." I mumbled. She let go of my hand and gets up and walks away from me, opening the door and I watched her back disappear.

My heart was weary, I didn't want her to leave. Of course not, hell no. I didn't mean it literally. But could I also really blame her?

I would leave too.

Fuck.

I have to join. I can't let them take you away from me, I can't let them hurt you.

I don't have a choice.

My week was okay after she left. She literally left. I didn't text her call her or anything.

I was kind of just, there. Barely living making it through life I guess.

The thought of being back into the 18K made me forget what I was even doing. It slowed down time significantly and I can't even remember the last time I had breakfast.

I'm just so lost right now.

I thought Fany would be there for me, to help me. But I don't know.

I heard a couple of knocks on my office door before Kris just barged in with a handful of french fries. "Woah, you look like shit. Not that's it's anything unusual but wow you look a lot more shittier than usually." He says, fries spilling out of the corners of his mouth.

"Thanks." I flicked a fry off my des in which he picked up from the ground and still ate.

Ew.

"No problem."

He sat on my desk legs crossed for a couple of minutes boring his eyeballs right through me.

"The fucks wrong with you sunshine?" He says reaching over the desk to slap the side of my head.

"Piss off." I hiss, rubbing my head.

"Trouble in paradise?"

"She hates me."

"She called me today, ranting about how we were a bunch of criminals." He shook his head, clicking his tongue as he pulled a drawer out from my desk and taking my bag of jellies.

"Actually?" I asked.

"Yeah, she told me to tell you to meet her at her house today though. So here I am, in person delivering this personal message to you." He threw back the bag of candy at me getting up to leave.

"Why didn't she just call me or text me."

"Dunno, girls are weird. Go get your girl back, you look like shit without her."

"I look fine."

"Yeah, okay. Tell that your black eye you fuck."

I sat back down in my chair, rubbing my temples. Fuck it. I'm just going to tell her. Why would I hide it from her. After spending a few more hours coming up with what I was going to say to her I went to her house that night, not forgetting to pick up a cake.

I showed up and knocked twice, patting down my suit as I still wanted to impress her. It's weird, I crave her attention, her compliments. I loved her approval.

She opened the door and I waved a shy hello. I still couldn't take my eyes off her, she's so nail biting hair ripping pretty. So pretty, I couldn't stop checking her out from had to toe. She opened it a bit wider for me and I squeezed myself in, bending down to pat the white furry little guy. She didn't really say anything and neither did I.

I followed her as she went into the living room and I presented her the cake.

"What's the occasion."

"It's a sorry cake." She cocked a brow and lifted the cover up before stepping back and glaring at me.

The cake read 'Sorry for being a gangster. Can I be your Taengster?'

"Fany-ah. Kris told me you wanted to see me. I thought when you left through my door you never wanted to be involved with me ever again."

"I still care about you." She said quietly, taking the box of f cake from my hand and putting it on the kitchen island.

"I'll cut to the chase. I'm only doing this because they'll come for you if I don't."

"I don't care if they do Taetae, you won't let it happen." She said grabbing my two fingers gently, tugging on it. She held it with her entire palm and it looked so cute.

"It's out of my power, you know that."

"So you can slap Nick silly but you can't beat up your blackmailers?"

"He has more connections than me. I've seen the things he's done, he'll make sure he gets what he wants."

"I still don't want you to involve yourself with him. I don't want to date another gangster. I hate the word gangster." She mutters.

"I'm a good gangster." She pinched my side when I said that and i hoped on one foot trying to get away from her. My ankle was still healing.

"Taetae." She whines, pleading with her eyes.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure nothing happens to you. It'll be okay."

"Taetae." She mutters, closing the gap between us and tiptoeing to kiss me, but she wasn't tall enough so she ended up kidding my chin.

"I promise you I'll take care of it. I'll make sure. We'll get out of this alive." I held her close to me and she mentioned how my heart was beating irregularly fast. I felt myself warming up, my heat was probably turning red. Did I blush? Don't know because then next thing I knew was her grabbing my face and kissing me so fucking passionate.

We were so hungry for each other. I couldn't blame us.

The night was quiet and the familiar sounds of waves crashing the shoreline was always there. Except that sound was filled with me yelping every time Stephi pressed on my wound, and the scolding she gave me every time I moved away followed by the sound of me letting out a loud annoying obnoxious groans.

"Stop moving away! I need to get the new bandage on."

"No it hurts."

"Taeyeon-ah, please it's for your own sake."

"No."

"Bae." She sits closer.

"No."

"Taebear." She shuffles even more closer.

"No, get that cloth and you away from me."

"Fine, you can sleep on the floor and bleed for all I care." She says coldly.

Well fuck now she's mad at me.

I grab her hand and smile, her frown disappears and she wraps the bandage around my wound.

"Ow, how long are you ow, going to be doing this ow."

"Everyday, one in the morning and one after you shower."

"Oh god."

"You have to win Taeyeon-ah. I won't let them take you away from me. You can't die yet, we haven't conquered the world together yet." She looks at me with glossy worried eyes.

"Hey, don't worry about it. I'm experienced. I'm a big boy now I can handle it." I smile cheekily and she smiles again, oh how I love that smile.

"I don't want you to do bad things Taetae, you're not a bad person I know you're not a bad person. Tell me you're not a bad person."

"Fany-ah, I'll try my best to stay out of trouble. I'll be your undercover gangster, you know like those undercover cops. I'm a good guy." I said, thumping my chest. She scolded me, telling me how it's going to bruise more and I'll be a bloody ugly grape by the end of the week.

"Kay, let's get you to bed. I want to dry your hair." I happily complied. I crawled on the bed sitting across from her crossing my legs.

She grabs the towel from my shoulder gesturing me to come closer to her. I do what she says, not wanting to miss a moment with her.

I lean on to her resting my head on her shoulder as she dries my hair. It felt more like a massage than her just drying it but I wasn't complaining.

I smelt her usual sweet scent while resting my head on her shoulder; it was addicting and I never got used to it.

She took care of me like my mother would. She reminded me of my mother; a faint figure. Every morning when she did stay over, Stephanie would make breakfast for me before I even wake up. She'd lay out my clothes on a chair with my briefcase, reminding me of what to take to the office. Then she'll wake me up gently because everyone knows that if there's a fucking fire in the house I wouldn't be able to hear the alarm; but her touch always jolts me awake.

Before I met Stephanie, my mornings consisted of me rushing madly into the bathroom as I would be an hour late because I wouldn't hear my alarm clock. Then I'd rush down to the kitchen grabbing whatever was on the counter and stuffing it in my face eating is as fast as humanly possible. As soon as I step out the door I would forget something be it my phone, my briefcase, or my keys. I'd stay overtime at the office, sometimes forgetting to eat or even shower and my sleep schedule would be whack. There were times I barley got an hour in before going back to work again.

Then she came along and remedied all my problems, I felt like I got my shit together with her. I depend a lot on her, I knew that if she left my life would be a mess, and probably down the shitter.

"Done Taeyeon-ah." She said softly. Wiping the moisture on my forehead with the towel before throwing it in the laundry basket.

"Can I cuddle with you tonight or are you going to kick me for touching you?" I pull her into my arms and we lay down with my back against hers effectively spooning.

"I didn't even get to answer?" She protests.

"You can't deny cuddled with me. You don't get to answer it's either a yes or a yes." I say reaching to turn the lamp off.

"In your dreams!" She huffs and turns around. I laugh at her move. She's so cute.

"Aye, come back to oppa." I say pulling her closer.

"Oh wait, that reminds me." I say and she instantly turns around with wide eyes.

I sit up rummaging through the night stands to find my agenda. Stephanie's laying down eyeing me with a confused face.

I pull out a leather agenda, handing it to her.

"What's this?" She sits up unhooking the band and opening it.

"It's an agenda of what we're going to do together."

A map slips out from the book, she picks it up and opens it.

"What do these blue dots mean on the map?"

I smile at her confusion. "It's places I'm going to take you."

Her eyes shot up and she places the map down sitting on my lap.

"That map, is literally covered in blue dots, we're practically going everywhere Taeyeon-ah." She whines and pouts and I know what she's thinking; it's going to be expensive, how am I going to repay him, I don't him to waste money on me, I'm not a leech.

"Yeah that's the point, if we're going to conquer the world we might as well go everywhere. It was your dream was it not?" She shyly nods as I pick up the agenda again shoving it in her hands as I flip to a certain page.

To do list

Urgent:

World domination

Rob candy stores

Make fun of people walking down an aisle at fashion week

Meet some bogus rapper who isn't as good with his rhymes as me

Go to some place where it's apparently the 'happiest' place on earth (I'd rather choke on peas than go to some kid's place)

Start a fashion line with babygirl

Other top priorities:

Make Prince love me

Make Stephanie laugh

Make Stephanie smile

Make Stephanie not want to kill me

I look at her as she reads the list out loud, her eyes were filled with excitement and curiosity. I can't stop looking at her without feeling accomplished that I made her happy at the sight of seeing this. Romantic gestures gross me out but I had my fair share of watching those movies with her; picking up some helpful tips. Shout out to Channing Tatum and Ryan Gosling.

"There's still more to add, it's just a little list babe. I can't wait till this journal gets filled with your ridiculous requests because knowing me, I'd probably be dragged to do that."

She muttered 'you're whipped' and I sighed, nodding in agreement.

She suddenly stopped reading and slapped the book on my thigh. "You're going to Disneyland whether you like it or not! Choke on peas my ass Tae!" She took back the book and made her way down the list, chuckling occasionally.

"But most of these are my dreams?"

"What's your is mine, we'll do them together yeah?"

"You're adorable." She cooed.

"When am I not?"

"You always say that." She whined.

"Well. Get used to it babe. Also, get used to the fact that we're literally going to do everything together. From taking a shit together, going grocery shopping together to filling up the car with gas to-" She cupped my mouth with her hand cutting me off.

"I get it. Annoying Tae." She said with a frown, probably tired from all my blabbering.

I pull her close and we spoon again, I get lost in her hair and we intertwine our legs and arms. From a far we look like a tangled mess of limbs.

I patted her bum and she shot me a disgusted look, hollering out 'byuntae' and I still can never get over the fact that she's so loud. She's also too energetic, I can't keep up with her.

"Here, your payment for today since you had to put up with me for the past week." I handed her a bunch of coins wrapped in the blue paper.

"Days, 2,3,4,5,6,7,8. Sorry I couldn't give them to you in person on that day but here you go." She stacked them all nicely on the nightstand and crawled back into my arms. "Don't lose them by the way, those coins are solid gold, they're worth $50 each."

"What?!" She said, turning around to face me but I made her face away from me as I chuckled into her shoulder. She kept protesting how I go way out for a simple thing but I shrugged.

"Goodnight piggy." I press a kiss on the back of her neck and snuggle in closer, good night my future wife to be that I'm going to have 10 kids with so I can have a little army of small Taeng's running around.


	13. Illusions

Kim Taeyeon

I walked downstairs to see an empty house. But with Prince running around begging me for pats and belly rubs.

I went over to the quaint kitchen, hating how my self takes up a third of the space. Claustrophobic ass counters.

A nice plate of cupcakes were sitting on the counter waiting for me to devour them in one shot. I mean, get you a Fany that bakes you cupcakes am I right?

I engulfed a dozen before laying on the coach bloated, sugared out and going to die from diabetic explosion.

Prince kept yapping trying to climb on the couch, paws scratching the bottom of the sofa.

"Look, I know you don't like me but I like you. The least you can do is not make a mess so your mom won't yell at me." He barked at me and wagged his tail. He disappeared and came back with his red leash in his mouth, laying on the floor looking at me e with beady eyes.

"I'm not exercising, go walk yourself." He came closer to me and went on his hind legs, standing like a human.

"No." I said, pushing the small puppers away. He sprung back up, whimpering like I stepped on his favourite toy.

"You're so fucking needy, just like Fany." He growled and showed his teeth. I sighed and dragged myself up from the couch in which he ran around my feet excited.

"See, just like Fany. Where do you get all your energy? I can't keep up with you." I clasped the metal hook onto his collar and this little guy zoomed past me and I stumbled on my feet, letting the leash lead me out.

I ran around the neighbourhood with Prince, everything he saw he ran to. When he ran, I ran. When he stopped I stopped. We sat on the edge of the curb, watching the cars drive by us.

Just a man and his dog.

"So, meet any girls yet?" I asked. I turned my head and looked down at the small fluffer. He tilted his head probably thinking about ways to chew my slipper. "So that's a no?" I said, he wagged his tail in response.

"Hey, you're a handsome guy, I'm pretty sure you can meet some pretty little lady." He laid on his stomach, and stuck his tongue out.

"I can set you up on a date Prince. I know a few puppy ladies myself. You can meet your Princess. Heh." He pouted and stood on all 4 paws, marching away with such sass that I just had to follow him.

I huffed, not wanting to move my legs. Exercising is too much.

We walked by the park which was hard because other people were walking around with their dogs too and I felt like I was watching a Playdog. Prince man, he's such a lady killer. Swooning other lady dogs with his gracious fluffy white hair, showing off that cute face as he strutted his butt off.

I just walked wherever Prince walked but when I set my eyes on a building it looked so familiar.

We went around the corner, circling to the entrance and I finally knew where I was.

Fany's school that she teaches at. Prince looked at me with those mischievous eyes and he even gave me a wink. This dog gave me a wink.

"Um. I don't know what your plans are but." He tugged the leash and walked closer to one of the windows and as I approached it I couldn't see through it. The window was too high.

Prince barked and jumped, climbing onto one of the benches and it clicked. I stood on the bench, tiptoeing to see the window and holy fuck this dog is a genius.

How he figured out Stephanie was there beats me but holy crap.

I got the chance to see my babygirl be a teacher. Damn it I wanna be her student, I wanna be one of those puny kids sitting in a circle watching her as she read them a stupid book.

I wanna be that kid who got to cling onto her during playtime. I wanna take naps as she watches over me.

I sound like I wanna be her kid. I laughed out loud, chuckling at my day dream.

I tiptoed on my feet, cursing how I can't grow taller than 6'4. I caught a glimpse of her upper body, loving that yellow bright sun dress on her. Why did her hair have to be swept to the side? Because I can see her milky white skin from all the way over here and I just want to grab her and hide her from everyone else in the world because she's so precious.

I didn't realize she found me till we both stared at each other, she looked at me amused with a smile and I froze in my spot not knowing what to do.

I look like a creep, my head just above the window looking like a damn stalker.

"Taetae." She cooed as she opened the window sill, looking at me with such precious eyes.

I stumbled back, biting on my tongue forming sentence structures in my head trying to defend myself. I stepped on my heel and fumbled back, basically falling off the bench.

"Omo, Tae? Are you okay?" I got up and quickly patted myself showing her my million dollar smiles as Prince sat between my legs.

"H-Hi."

"Hey, I'm kind of in the middle of something."

"Y-You're pretty." I said. I mentally kicked myself. That's all I could say? She's my girlfriend and that's literally all I could say.

She smiled with crescents that I loved so much but I nervously gulped as an army of tiny kids no taller than her knees all crowded around her. Some were jumping up to see what the commotion was outside and I felt threatened by that army.

"I'll wait till your finished."

"I won't be done in another 3 hours."

"It's okay I can watch you. . . outside. . . here. . . for the next 3 hours." My spine shivered in fear, god what am I supposed to do for the next 3 hours?

But a part of me wanted to see watch her. She's so pretty.

"Okay, have fun." She closed the window and I stood there baffled. I thought she'd invite me in.

Aw

But I guess it would be a little inappropriate, having some weird stranger in your class who's ogling the teacher.

Heh, that's me.

I sat outside under the window, leaning my back against the brick wall as I threw a stick over and over again for Prince's amusement.

Her husky but bright voice filled my ears, making me smile at the thought of her looking after 10 tiny Taeng's.

I heard the occasional yapping of kids but I mean, they're kindergartners can't blame them.

I suddenly had the bright urge to cross the street, picking up Prince so he won't run away and ruin my plan.

I went into the store, smiling at how happy she'll be.

"Hey old guy, 17 of those in different colours please." I said, taking out my wallet.

With my item in hand I trekked my way back to the school, standing in the bench once again.

"Ms. Hwang!" A chubby little kid said while pointing at me. I chuckled evilly, knowing I'm disturbing her class but I can't help it.

I'm a little jealous over how each and everyone of those 15 kiddies have her fullest undivided attention.

Meanwhile I was sitting outside under the window sill a while ago waiting for her to be done so she can attend to me after.

I feel like this: :(

A childish kid face.

Our eyes met again and I saw her sigh, but with those cute ass eye smiles.

She said something to the kids and they all lined up single file, jumping in their spots.

As she opened the door they all disappeared but then reappeared in the schools entrance, running over to me as they crowded my legs.

Wow they are small. They kept grabbing my pants, clawing at me for the thing in my hand.

"Taetae, balloons? Really?" She asked, stepping outside looking oh so perfect.

"You wouldn't pay attention to me, so yeah." I said proudly, handing everyone a plastic sack of air. They loved it, they loved how I was holding a bouquet of floating plastic colourful balloons.

Fany gave up and just let them play outside, sitting down on the bench as I walked over to her and gave her a pink one.

I asked for her hand and she gladly gave it to me. I lifted her pointer finger up and tied the string of the balloon on it.

I made a pretty little bow and looked up to see my creation. I glanced down and smiled.

"Thanks for the cupcakes by the way. They were really good, I had a sugar coma after I ate like half of them."

"Tae. . those weren't for you."

"What do you mean those weren't for me? Who bakes a bunch of cupcakes and leaves them on the counter?"

"They were for my kids. Tae, you're baking with me then."

"Wait, no. Please I'm bad at cooking. The best thing I can make is cereal." I pleaded, imaging the horror of baking.

She shook her head, mad at me for eating her precious cupcakes.

"I didn't know! They were really good though." She shrugs, moving her finger slightly. The balloon bobs up and down at her movement and then she unties it and let's it go.

I shrieked, baffled at how she can let it go so fast.

"That was $0.25." I said as I held my hand out, gesturing for payment.

She dug into her dress pocket and handed me a blue crayon.

"That crayon is worth $0.35." She said with a slight amazement in her eyes.

"It's priceless because it's from you." I said with such confidence you might've thought I was borderline flirting with her. Which I was.

"I can't smack you for that to be honest." She pinched my cheeks and kissed my forehead. One of her students tugged at my pants, telling us that we're gross.

"Mr. Balloon guy? Can you push me on the swing?" She asked. She had a really cute cat shirt and had pigtails, reminding me of my little sister.

I crouched down meeting my eyes with the little girl. She's so small damn it. "Call me Taeyeon." I pointed to myself.

I was never really good with kids. I'm usually really awkward.

"Taetae." She says so damn happily. I deadpanned.

"What's with that nickname? Everyone fu-" Fany kicked my shin, glaring at me.

Right. I shouldn't swear.

"Taetaes a cute name." She quipped and the little girl nodded in agreement with Ms. Hwang. I felt another tug on my pants and I swear to god I'm going to be pants less by the end of today.

She's going to pull it off at this rate.

"Taetae!" The little girl said, pulling on my fingers. I tied the rest of my balloons onto Prince and I thought he was going to float away but he didn't.

Fat doggy. I love the small guy so much.

I sat the little girl on the swing and pushed her gently. She turned around and with a frown asked me to push her harder.

Is this what it's like to have kids?

Before the bell rang she gathered up her heard of children, getting them to pack up to go home.

I watched from the door frame of the classroom as I saw her help put on backpacks for the kids, button up their jacket reminding them it's a little windy outside.

The bell rang and they all dispersed like tiny fish in a pond. I held my hand out and Ms. Hwang graciously accepted it as I helped her carry a box of art supplies to the car.

"Tae!" I groaned whisking at the bowl aggressively, spilling out clumps of flour everywhere.

We were back at home now, baking cupcakes. You know, to make up for the ones I ate. Honestly though, I thought they were for me.

"What! You told me to mix and I'm mixing! It needs a little tender loving care!"

"You're making a mess Taetae!" She scolded me by slapping my hand away but I turned away from her and moved the bowl with me.

"Leave me alone woman! This is teaching me the fundamentals!"

"Fundamentals for what?! You can't even mix batter properly!" She scolded while tying her pink Hello Kitty apron for me.

On the contrary, I still think I look manly as ever.

"Fundamentals for making Meth!" I hollered, cackling like a witch would when stirring her cauldron. My evil laugh sounded great.

"Oh no you are not doing that!" She pinched my side and I slid the bowl further away from her, standing on the counter far far away from my small sprout.

"Taetae! Get down from there! You're going to slip!"

"I'm not going to slip! Now tell me what else am I supposed to do to this mixture of crap?"

"Put the eggs in the bowl."

I reached down and grabbed two eggs, putting them in the bowl.

"Are you serious?"

"What."

"Crack the eggs and put the eggs in the bowl! Not put the entire whole egg inside shell and all!"

"You said put eggs in bowl. So I did. I put eggs in bowl." Then it hit me. I took it literally.

"Oh wait." I took the eggs out and cracked the shell, putting the contents of whatever was inside into it while discarding the shell.

"Oopsies." I said, rubbing the back of my neck while sending her an apologetic smile for my stupidity.

"I hate baking with you." She hissed, wiping the counter tops.

I lost my patience with baking. Stupid cupcakes.

I continued to mix this concoction but had the bright idea of flicking flour in her face with a spatula like catapult to entertain myself.

I told myself that an angry HellFany isn't funny. But a bit entertaining.

"Clean. It. Up."

"If I don't?"

"You're about to get these hands Kim." She hissed and momma bear is scary when she's mad.

I am Taeng bear, a cute fluffy jelly bear. I am scared.

"Oi. Get the fuck away from me you fucking piggy." I said, running around the kitchen island with my spatula pointed to her.

We ran around in circles like a cat chasing a mouse. I climbed over the kitchen island when she switched directions and I grabbed the bag of flour.

"Move a finger and this entire place will rain flour." She flipped me off and I sprinkled the flour generously everywhere in the air. Bad idea though because I continued to run around covering myself in white powder I slipped.

I slipped and fell on the floor as my eyes doubled in size at the incoming rocket pig charging towards me.

"Oh no." I grabbed the counter but that was a mistake because there was another bag of flour on that counter and I tipped it over, spilling it over the both of us.

"You look like ghost." I pointed out.

"You look like Kaonashi." She fired back which I took as a compliment. Kaonashi is handsome.

When stayed like this for what seemed forever. Her laying on top of me as she absentmindedly played with the collar of my shirt was everything to me.

We shared glances at some points but I felt so nervous, giddy and shy when we did.

I wiped her face clean with the palms my hand as she did the same. She brushed my hair back, rubbing my cheek with her thumb and I felt so captivated by her.

"You're really pretty." I mumbled. My hand rubbed her back gently.

"Your way with words have been a little, lacking lately." I chuckled as her little tease. I fixed her bangs, putting them back in place. Kind of. Somewhat.

"Oh my fair lady Stephanie. I wear you in my heart as you are the worlds brightest star, gleaming with brilliance and as scorching hot as the sun." I can't believe I just said that.

She laughed out loud, mumbling an 'idiot' against my lips as her eyes turned into my favourite eye smiles.

She sighed and her laughter died down. She lifted her head from my cheek as she placed a last kiss on my lips rather quickly.

"You're cleaning up this mess." I groaned and she stood up trying to yank me off the floor. I didn't budge just because.

"Come on Taengo, I'll give you a kissy and a back massage."

"Will you give me a kiss and a back massage wearing nothing but lingerie." She shook her was and I was left laying there.

"Byuntae." She muttered, letting go of my hand and stepping over me to put the pan into the oven.

She guided me through the rest of the recipe but not without some more scoldings, pinching, face palming, and a few more 'I hate baking with you!'

I never did get my kissy or back rub. But I did get a happy Fany.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I stepped outside to see it, shielding the screen with my hand from the sun.

Big Smile Lee took my shipment of import watches. Get them back and tie him by the docks. I don't want him to see civilization for a few days.

\- Eunhyuk

"I gotta go."

"What? So soon?"

"Yeah, I probably won't stay the night today, sorry."

She nodded her head slightly and didn't say anything.

I bid goodbye to Prince but Stephanie's hand that grabbed mine pulled me to a halt; barely.

She pulled me into a hug, wrapping her arms around me as tightly as she could. My chin rested on her head, smelling her floral scent as she breathed on my neck.

"Please be safe? I-I don't want to see you hurt, at least not anymore." She said softly with a quiver.

"How do you know?" I asked while stroking her back.

"I just do."

"Hm, don't worry about me. Take care of yourself when I'm not here okay? I'll be back." I kiss her on the forehead but she pulled me back when I tried to pull away. She pouted, looking at me with beady eyes like Prince and I gave her a proper kiss, on the lips.

I clutched the phone in my hand as I got into the car, glancing at her figure rounding up the kids.

I'll do everything in my power to keep her happy.

Yeah, back to my old job. My old life. Time to please an asshole so my girl can live a peaceful life.

My sweaty hands gripped the steering wheel tightly. My leg started to shake, I felt sweat starting to form on my head.

Once I step inside Big Smile Lee's apartment there's no going back. There's no stopping me once i get rolling.

I don't want this life, I never asked for it. I was given a second chance but now I'm getting dragged back into this deep hellhole.

Is she even worth my happiness? I let it replay in my head as I unlocked the car door and stepped out, dipping my self into a deep abyss I'll struggle to get out of. If I even can get out of.

Through a messy night with my mind numbed, I returned back home.

My hand touched the door knob but I didn't turn it. I pressed my forehead on the door, sighing.

When I left the 18K, all I wanted in life was to settle down and start a family eventually. That's what the wife wanted to have before she got murdered by one of the guys in my clan.

They talked about starting one, going on vacations with them, naming their future children after their parents. They had their whole life planned out.

I only know because I heard the video recording of his wife speaking to him before she died.

But her, and I wouldn't have that kind of life as long as we were our involved with the 18K.

Never. So I got scared. I valued things, I had morals beliefs. I was a human being too.

I wanted something I didn't grow up with; my family.

I turned the door knob and walked in the pitch black room, taking off my jacket and stripped myself from my clothes.

I took out a plastic bag and filled it with my tainted wear. I stepped out of the bathroom and from the light inside it illuminated dimly my bed.

My girl was staring at me with tired eyes on the bed. She wore my favourite nightgown I loved on her and her silky brown hair was swept to the side.

Any sane person would feel some rush of blood down there.

She's so hair-rippingly pretty it hurts.

The poorly lit room made her look so enchanting. She looked like a sparkly fairy from a far and I couldn't help but chuckle a bit.

My feet shuffled towards my said goddess, her arms reached for me as if she wanted to hold me.

"I'm back, my darling." She flicked my forehead at the name I called her. I smiled, leaning down to kiss her. Longing for love, a companion and a save haven from the night I had.

"I missed you. I missed you so much Fany." I mumbled tiredly. My voice laced with sleep as I let myself succumb to the strokes on my head from her supple hand.

I felt her hum and say no more.

I let her put me to sleep. She let me be in her arms for the night, holding me and cradling me.

She kept me safe, making me feel okay. My life out in the streets would be put to a halt when I'm with her.

I wasn't doing criminal things when I was with her.

But it's only temporary before I have to get up and do it all over again.

So I savor this moment, not knowing when it'll be my last with her everyday.

The sound of a bell brings me out of my sleep and I grumble, turning around and putting a pillow over my head.

"Fany, turn it off."

"Fany-ah, turn it off."

"Woman, I swear to fucking god I will break that damned ala-"

"Fany?"

I sat up, patting the empty side of my bed. The cold spot was unfamiliar.

I called her name twice before getting up to make my rounds around the house.

I couldn't find my small dumpling. So I went back to my room scratching my head. She wouldn't just leave me like that right?

Maybe it was all a dream.

But when I went back to my room I saw the plastic bag with my bloodied clothes in it.

I came home and showered. That was true but I swear I went to sleep with Fany. Did I not?

I sat on the floor as my hand shook.

I dragged myself up and into my car immediately, revving up the engine as fast as I could.

I fumbled with the house keys as I tried to push my way through.

My heart beat faster and faster as I raced up the stairs, opening the door to her room and sighing as I saw the lump on the bed cuddling Prince.

My knees dropped to the floor as I fell down beside her, watching her as she slept.

I thought they took her away from me, I woke up and she was gone. I questioned everything I had done tonight, wondering if I did fulfill what he asked me to do.

'. . .import watches. Get them back and tie him by the docks. I don't want him to see civilization for a few days.'

I did exactly that. There shouldn't be a problem.

I did it to the best of my ability.

My girls life is on the fucking line.

"Taetae." She said, snapping trance as her hand went to reach for my ear and rub it gently.

Her tired self was cute. But I couldn't help but hold the hand on my ear closer to my face.

"Where were you all night Fany-ah?"

"I was at home. You said you wouldn't sleep over tonight so I didn't bother waiting for you."

"So you were here? All night?"

"Tae, its 3 in the morning. Yes I was here tonight. What's wrong?"

"I-I thought you were at my house when I got home."

"Hm?"

"I thought we slept together. You were on the bed waiting for me."

She had a hint of sadness in her eyes for me. "Maybe you were imagining things baby."

"I don't know. All I know is I got home, cleaned up myself and went to sleep. You were the one who held me to sleep. Then I woke up and you weren't there."

"Oh Tae." She said, stroking my hair like I thought she did a few hours ago.

"I thought they took you away." She immediately sat up and pulled me onto the bed, I laid on top of her. Scared shitless.

"Taetae. . . you didn't like it did you?"

"No, no I hated it. I don't want to do crimes again. I don't want to do bad things anymore Fany-ah, but I have to."

She continued to stroke my head, occasionally kissing my cheek as she did.

"You don't have to, it's a choice." She mumbled.

"Based on a life or death decision, it's either I do it or you die. I have to do it, I need to do it. For you."

"That's not okay Tae, you're memories your past life. You don't want to relive it so why do it?"

"Because I want to live in a time where it's just me and you." My heart swelled at the words coming out of my mouth.

I see us in the future Fany.

"In the end of all this we'll get our happy ending."

I'll make sure of it, I know how to climb the hierarchy ladder of the 18K. I've done it once I'll do it again.

This I promise you, Stephanie.

I love you.

I pulled out a blue paper wrapped coin and put it in her palm.

"Day 9. No matter if I see you for the day or not, I won't miss it. You'll always get it." She hummed in response, never saying anything after I gave it to her.

I know, it's not the right thing to do. To push such a big thing on her, to rush love on someone who's ever only known broken hearted.

To give her purely 3 months to make up her mind, to tell her she'll love me during those days or after those days. To marry me because if she does love me we'll be together till the end.

If not, we end this like I've said. There's no point prolonging the hurt.

But I'm just scared. I'm a scared shitless person who can't bear the thought of losing someone so precious to me.

I've had so many people walk out on me already.

I pride myself away from her and she looked at me but I looked down at my feet.

"Tae." She said, touching my hand tenderly. I shook my head.

I got up and darted myself into the bathroom, closing the door as I went into the shower slid down against the tiles.

I turned the shower on, as I sat on the floor.

My heart ached as I pondered if she'll one way walk from me, I'm dreading the day she announced that she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life with me.

I think back and through my clouded mind filled with her, and to the other spectrum which is packed with my endless, meaningless horrible actions, I see no one.

Not even myself.

I remind myself, this thing this 90 day ultimatum. It's not right, is it?

She's not ready. For me, at least.

Love, marriage? Not at all.

She can't even love me and all I've ever know is forcing things into people.

I'm not in my right mind, but I like her. I love her.

I felt sadness surge my body as I felt my shoulders become heavy, my stomach churned into a mess inside.

The water hit my head and ran across my skin, dripping off me as I curled up with my knees up to my face.

I hated myself for what I had become. I hated how she couldn't say she loved me. I hated how I felt like I loved her more than she loves me; she doesn't even love me? I hated how I have to put her into this because of my selfish needs.

She would've left already if she doesn't like me, right? I'd be blind if I couldn't see why she'd stay.

I'm a blind man then. I can't find the reason she'd stay, I can't see it.

My heart clenched over and over again as I kept over thinking.

I felt my hot tears run down my face along with the cold water running down my head.

I muffled my sobbing, biting on my hand to cease any sounds coming from myself.

Stephanie, my Fany.

A precious existence I absolutely need.

A life where my life wouldn't be something much.

As a world without Stephanie wouldn't be good at all.

It would be like losing my happiness. . .


	14. All That Is Lost

Stephanie Hwang

Tonight he came to my house worried that I was gone, taken away from him.

It made me upset seeing him like this, to be put into a situation where you're starting to hallucinate things. Getting worried about something that didn't even happen.

But when he pulled away from me 15 minutes ago to go into the bathroom, I didn't hear anything else after that.

I pulled the covers off me, treading carefully to my bathroom.

I pressed my curious ears against the door, heading nothing but the runs of a shower.

I turned the knob slowly and peered inside, my eyes softening at the sight of his back turned against me. Pressed up against that glass shower door, fully clothed as he was on the floor letting the water run down himself.

I opened the shower door and turned the water off.

"Tae, you're not okay." I said softly, kneeling beside him. I brushed his wet hair back, looking at those red eyes.

He shook his head, gritting his teeth. "I thought I really lost you tonight. I woke up and you weren't there but I was so sure that you held me in your fucking arms." He chuckled bitterly but lightly touched my hand with his fingers.

"I love you, you know?" He mumbled.

Of course I know Tae, I always know.

"Do you?" He tells me everyday that he loves me, but never directly asked me if I did love him back.

But today was the day.

He knew what my answer was, but I guess he wants to hear it from me.

Like any other day I didn't respond to his question.

It wasn't helping that he was staring at me with glossy eyes, following my movements here and there.

There's no doubt in my mind that he's special to me.

I just want to be sure about myself with him, it's like I want confirmation.

"Fany?" He asked. He sounded so small, so vulnerable.

He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "Can we take a mini break?"

"Oh?" I replied, a little surprised.

"It's because feel like I need to be around you 24/7."

Or maybe you don't want to be around me anymore because it won't hurt as much when we both part ways and never see each other again.

"I keep asking if you can return those feelings for me but it's getting to the point where I expect something to change the next day."

"Do you want us to stop?" I ask timidly, feeling myself break a bit.

"I guess. For now? Just a little space between us?"

I've never thought of the day he'd say that.

I nodded and got up. He sighed, still leaning against the shower frame.

Then began our three week hiatus.

We talked here and there, went out once a week. Its not like before though, where we were in each others faces 24/7.

It was kind of alright for me actually. I didn't mind, but I couldn't deny that I did miss him.

I guess it was a good change, but it was weird.

"Sooyoungie." I whined, rolling all over her bed, taking all her stuffed animals with me.

"Miyoungie, you're annoying."

"I brought chips."

"Gimmie." I handed her the can and she plopped herself right beside me, opening it as she inhaled them.

"How's you and Taeng? Did you guys fight again because you're spending was too much time with me."

I played with his interesting cushion, forming sentences in my head. "Um. We're on a break."

"You're what now?" She asked with a mouthful of chips.

"We're on a break." I repeated.

"What the hell. Whatever happened to Taeny." She grumbled.

"You did not just make a ship name for us."

"Oh, but I did."

"Your ship is floating. For now." I assured her.

"I want it to sail woman."

"Maybe. But I couldn't tell him I love him back and he didn't really take it lightly. So he asked for us to be apart for awhile."

"Ouch."

I glanced at her as she looked at me with soft eyes. I leaned on her shoulder wanting her to protect me too.

"If I tell you something you have to promise you can't tell anyone."

"I don't talk to anyone." She said seriously which was a lie. She talks to literally anything, and anyone. As long as it moves or is edible she'll talk to it.

"You talk to your food all the time."

"Shh, Fany. You know too much."

"I walk in your kitchen and all I see is you telling your blueberry pie how beautiful it is."

"Shut up and tell me Miyoungie."

I sighed and ran my finger through my hair. "Um. He wants to marry me."

I heard the can of chips clink on the floor and roll away. I glanced at her just to see a frozen face and the widest mouth opened.

"Oh my god. What did you say?!"

"I-I didn't really say anything. He said in 3 months he's going to try and make me love him or something, and by the end of 3 months it's either I marry him or we never see each other again."

"What the fuck? Is this guy serious? That is so messed up on every level Fany. Dump him." She said, grabbing my arm and looking at me.

"I-I don't know. I wasn't ready though that's what I do know for sure." I timidly said, lowering my head.

"Then why stay with him? What's so special about him that makes you not leave him?" She said, throwing her hands up before getting up to get a drink of water.

I didn't know how to answer her. She was right about a lot of things, and this time it was the same.

"He makes me happy."

She scoffed. "Really? But do you love him?"

I shrugged.

"Oh Fany." She sighed, side hugging me as I relaxed.

"If I were you, I'd dump him, only because he's forcing you into something you're not ready for. You do realize, marriage means literally forever right? Unless you divorce him like right after which is a waste of time."

"I know, I know."

"Just be careful okay? I don't want to see you in the state you were in before."

"Yes boss."

I smiled and hugged Sooyoung while she patted my head like a puppy. She told me I owed her another meal and I complied.

No arguments because it's hard to find someone to listen to your rants.

Taengo: wanna watch Beauty and The Beast?

Piggy: really?! tae, oh my god.

Taengo: lol. jk. let's watch Fast and The Furious. :)

Piggy: you're fucking lame... _

I held the bag of treats in my hand tenderly, happily almost skipping my way to my car.

I couldn't wait to see him, it's been so long. I wanted to surprise him.

My hand pulled at the car door and I couldn't get it to open. I kicked it lightly out of frustration that this ghetto thing can't even open.

"Ugh." I groaned, rummaging through my purse for the key.

If the shuffling of shoes echoing in the parking lot wasn't a dead giveaway, then I don't know what was.

Suddenly I felt myself get snapped to spin around before being pressed up against a body.

I struggled against it as a cloth over my mouth muffled my screams, my kicks and hits started to get weaker and weaker.

There were 4 of them, dresses in regular clothing yet had masks on. They pushed my hands back and my legs together, keeping me still to tie me.

Almost like instantly I passed out, seeing a blurry figure in the distant as I dropped the bag of candy on the floor, my heels dragging against the floor before I slumped in the persons arms.

I felt so light, so numb and so drowsy.

But when the side of my body felt like it got thrown on some board I drowsily was stunned.

I heard the click of something and when the sound of tires screeching echoed, I was locked. In a trunk. With my hands tied behind my back and my mouth gagged.

I tried to turn my head but with so little space I struggled to even move. I used my legs to kick the top of the car trunk, hoping I could at least break the hinge or the lock but I remember I'm no superhero.

I kept screaming for help, power kicking the trunk expecting a miracle to happen.

It got to the point where I had exhausted myself. I laid there sobbing quietly thinking about how I'll die like this.

I woke up to constant shouting. My eyes had trouble adjusting the blurry images.

Tae. Taeyeon? I asked myself, seeing a group of people crowd him.

He was tied to the chair, yelling at the man sneering in his face.

I looked down to my lap and noticed I was in the same position. I wiggled my hands only to be smacked on the leg by some fat man who had Cheeto dust on the corner of his mouth, and some on his beard.

My ears registered voices and I started to tear up. I heard Taeyeon first.

"Eunhyuk we had a Fucking deal."

"You broke our deal, this is your punishment."

"This is why your fucking fathered beat your scrawny ass till your jaw Fucking broke. Look at you, you sound like a broken door hinge no one wants to fix. Adopted mother fucker." Tae spat out, rocking in his chair.

"You're really testing the waters Kim." Eunhyuk said with a sing song voice.

"Let me out of this chair and I'll beat the living shit of you, maybe break your nose so you'll breathe loudly like a broken vent." Tae growled.

Eunhyuk looked offended, opting to smack Tae's head with a metal rod.

"You said you'd leave her alone if I did what you said!" Tae hollered, trying to get up from his chair. He made a racket, kicking things, scraping the chair along the concrete. He pulled at his rope bound hands, grunting.

"I told you to scare Minho and his goons to give up the North Point marketplace. Do you see me running that area right now?! No? I am not Taeyeon! I am not fucking running that area!" He slapped him in the face, but Tae just took it like an iron door, showing nothing but grit and anger.

"You told me you didn't want that fucking place! I did what you told me to do, nothing more nothing less!"

Eunhyuk turns towards me and point at me, putting a leg between Tae's leg. "I told you. She'll die if the jobs not done. Was the job done? Nope, so she dies." He says with a disgusting chuckle. He starts jogging in his spot and I'm pretty sure the guys a psycho.

Tae had a killer like stare in his eyes, I looked away a bit intimidated by that. "If she dies you will never get to be chairman! I am the only ne with connections throughout the city! I am the one who does your fucking dirty work for you! Without me no one would take you seriously you fucking rat!" The big tall guy who I assumed was Eunhyuk had some crazy eyes. They had an intense staring match for a quick second before he put on some brass knuckles and punched Tae's jaw.

It sounded like he even broke it and I screamed. Tae's head lolled to the side and he spat out blood, some of it was dripping at the corner of his mouth.

They pulled him off the chair and Tae landed with a thud. I wiggled in my seat, tears streaming down my cheeks as I screamed into the cloth that was wrapped around my face. I shook my head as they had iron bars, to baseball bats in their hands ready to beat Tae.

I pleaded into that cloth but it was no use.

I'm muffled, I'm silent and I'm useless.

Please don't hurt him, don't kill him.

"It's your fucking turn now bitch." Eunhyuk said as he snapped his head towards me, he quickly untied the ropes on my hand and pulled me off the chair.

I stumbled onto the ground and with his leg he pressed me against the dirt floor.

"Don't fucking touch her!" Tae said. He got up and pushed everyone away. I cowered in fear as I looked up at that freaky man.

Tae's body hovered above my vision and covered that man. "Fany, Fany-ah. Fany please." He said, holding my face tenderly.

I heard the sound of a loud thump echo through his body and I wiggles my head away from his neck, looking up to see a crowd of people around Tae hitting him on the back with every weapon possible.

From the corner of my eye I saw that man Eunhyuk smile likes he's proud of himself for doing this.

I realized why Tae wanted to be out of this so bad, it was degrading, disgusting and hard on the heart.

I felt Tae's body weight on mine, he shielded me away from those blunt hits. I felt so small against him as his own large body covered mine.

I wasn't exposed to the pain, but he was.

"Please! Don't hit him! Stop!" I wailed, grabbing a fistful of Tae's shirt.

He took every hit for me, flinching at them as he held me closer, hands covering my head protecting me like a prized possession.

He grunted and breathed out but I just laid there underneath him in tears.

My hands that were trapped by my side crept to slowly against the plane of his front and onto his back.

It trailed up quickly to the back of his neck, up to his soft bed of hair as I ran my hands across it. I held onto his head, cupping it gently to shield it from all the bad in the world.

To hold it and protect it from getting hit by iron bars, wooden planks, blows from iron fists.

My shaky hands wanted to help him in any way I can even though its such a minuscule thing compared to him acting like a human shield for me.

But it was short lived as he darted his own hands up and pried mine away from his head. I shook my head, sobbing silently not wanting him to do that because I wanted to protect him too.

He pushed my hands away from him and tucked them to the side. His hands returned to cupping my own head.

"Taetae, let me help you." I said through my sobs.

"You're coming out of this alive, and perfectly fine. I refuse to let you even have a mere scratch on you." He said sternly, but paused every few moments from the impacts.

I felt his thumb caress my cheek every now and then. Despite me crying, despite me pleading for them to stop, despite the amount of beatings he's getting.

He's so selfless.

I turned my head and kissed his cheek, slowly sliding my hand to turn his head towards me.

We met gazes and I tuned everything out. Those men that were ruthlessly beating Tae were blurred, I heard nothing but my own heart throbbing.

My eyes bore into his as I saw nothing but a genuine smile.

How could he be smiling through this? How can he be so strong for me, showing me that it was okay because that's how I felt when I looked at him.

"I-I'm sorry I got you into this." He whispers into my ear, laying a quick kiss there too.

I cut our gazes short and leaned into his neck, crying and how he does this all for me. At the same time I was praying for the beating to stop, for it to end so we can just go home.

But it seemed endless. When he grunted I could hear it through his chest, my face was pressed up against it, holding onto him, feeling his skin meet mine. He propped himself up with his arms and it looked like it could give away any moment and his entire body weight would collapse on me; but it never did.

I prayed and prayed. I was willing to give up anything to make it stop.

The one I adore was getting ruthlessly beaten and I had no power to stop it.

But after some time it stopped. I don't know when but they did. My hand immediately went up to caress his head, pushing back his hair to reveal his handsome tired face.

"Taetae." I called, noticing how he was fighting the urge to collapse.

They grabbed us both and shoved us around towards a little enclosed room. Tae groaned as he had trouble getting up. I held up and tried to prop him up because I don't want cause anymore trouble. They threw us into a shed, locking it shut with chains.

I heard their footsteps crunch against the leaves and rocks.

"Taetae." I softly said, crawling over the slumped over man who had trouble getting his head up.

"Taetae? Are you okay?" I said in a hushed whisper. My hands trembled, touching his hot skin.

He huffed, sliding himself up to lean against the rusty metal wall.

I crawled my way into his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.

My fingertips cautiously grazed his jaw. His mouth was so bloody, like it came out of a horror movie.

"Your jaw." I pushed out those words.

"Not broken." He replied.

He touched my face, causing me to look up to him. He pulled me back a bit while scanning me from top to bottom.

"Baby," He groggily says, hand rubbing my cheek. "They touched you, god they laid a hand on you." He breathed it while pressing his forehead with mine.

I had already begun sobbing, shaking my head.

"They didn't touch me Tae."

"But they marked you baby, your cheek." He said with a hushed whisper. I felt his lips on my lips, kissing me so lightly before it trailed up and touched upper cheek.

He kissed it a few times, mumbling something.

"I'm going to kill him." He growled, rubbing his knuckles on the gravel.

I popped open the buttons of his shirt and pulled it away, hating how he was so marked up.

Black and purple areas were scattered all over his front, red slash marks were seeping blood.

If his front was so bad, i couldn't imagine his back.

"This is so scary, I hate this." I muttered.

I leaned on his shoulder and closed my eyes. I felt his cold hand creep into mine, intertwining then close making me feel all sorts of things.

"Thank you, for doing that." I said achingly. He nodded and gripped my hand tighter.

My eyes didn't stop glancing to his battered front, the body I was so used to seeing so sculpted bare and free of marks was so bad.

I didn't want to look at his back. It made me feel so guilty on the inside.

I heard the jingles of the chain rattle hours later and I sat up, patting Tae in the shoulder.

They threw us a boxed dinner and I eagerly grabbed it. Opening the styrofoam lid to see rice and side dishes.

They closed the door and that's when I realized we only got one.

"Taetae, eat." I said, picking up the plastic spoon. He avoided it and shook his head.

"You eat, you need it." He said, gesturing with his shaky hand.

"No I don't, please don't argue with me for this?"

"I'm not hungry." He said sternly.

I frowned and placed the boxed dinner on the ground beside him and left the spoon there. I stood up and sat away from him, leaning against the wall. What made me yelp was how the 'wall' shifted behind me. I turned around and saw how the metal sheet was detached from the wall.

I pulled at it and there was a good sized hole, enough to see through it and maybe crawl in it.

But Tae couldn't crawl through it, he was too big. I was just the right size.

I was nervous, really because if I did something wrong the entire gang would trek in and wreck havoc.

I don't want to hurt my Tae anymore.

"Tae? How will we escape?" I asked putting the metal sheet back to cover the hole.

"I don't know." He replied with his eyes still closed.

"Will we die here?"

"You won't."

"Then how do we get out?"

"I don't. You will." He says while holding onto his stomach. He winced as he gently brushed his arm across it.

I want to leave with you, I want to live with you. Taeyeon-ah.

"Why not together?"

"I can only guarantee you getting out of here. As for me, I don't know if I'll make it." He says softly.

I was about to say more but he looked at me tenderly and I paused for a moment.

I shouldn't ask more questions shouldn't I?

He patted his pants and then his jacket. He angrily cursed and I wondered what he was looking for.

"Phone." He said.

I sat beside him, my mind on the open hole in our prison and half of my mind on Tae's dinner.

"Fany-ah, come eat." I shook my head and glanced back at him.

He looked at me with apologetic eyes and glanced at the food.

"You're mad at me aren't you?" I nodded timidly, feeling like a mess when I was under his gaze.

I suddenly straddled his hips and he was startled but nonetheless put his hands around my waist.

"Taetae." I cooed, kissing him on his cheek. He breathed out and sighed.

"Dinner." I said, smiling as I held it in my hand and gestured the spoon to his lips.

"I said I wasn't hungry."

"Stop being a hardass and eat Tae. You didn't get mangled up for nothing. I'm even offering to feed you." I said about to show the spoon in his mouth.

He opened his mouth to protest again and I did just that.

He glared at me with the plastic spoon in his mouth clearly unimpressed.

I pulled it out and continued feeding the big bear, silently aching at his state.

He soon fell asleep after eating when I patted his head to sleep, snoring lightly.

I fixed the makeshift bed I created for him and draped his jacket over him, not forgetting to check up on his bruises and wounds.

I double checked if he was asleep and he was. I crawled to the hole and pushed away the metal sheet.

I saw a table flush against the side of our shed and I peered my head through the hole.

I glanced around the area and saw group of 'guards' most of them were sitting around eating a cup of ramen. They kept yawning and somehow all of the managed to synchronize they itches because they all scratched the back of their head at the same time.

My eyes caught the screen that was illuminated blue and the words rung in my head; phone.

My heart beat fast as I kept staring at it like it was my key to being alive.

I need to get it I told myself, for me. For us, me and Tae.

I heard the loud clang of a door and I quickly darted back into the shed, fumbling with the metal sheet to cover the hole.

"Are they still in there?"

"Yeah boss, Taeyeon's out cold. The girls scared as fuck."

"Get the van ready, we'll drop them in the harbor at 12. Call Big Smile Lee, tell him I need the favor he owes me." I heard the clicking of the jaw and I knew that man was Eunhyuk.

They're going to kill us, they were going to kill us no matter what.

I crawled back to Tae and shook him awake. He opened his eyes and held my hand.

I pointed out to the door and he sat up, we both listened in.

"Throw Taeyeon in the warehouse, we still need him. Jonghyun managed to get Uncle Lee Soo's niece on his side. We're fucked if the voting doesn't swing our way."

"What about the girl?"

"We'll use her as a bribe to get Minho to turn against Jonghyun. She's a pretty girl, I'm sure he'll have a bit of fun with her."

I'm going to be freaking offered as an escort to some stupid gang leader.

I turned my head to Tae and his jaw clenched, his fingernails dug at the gravel and I've never seen him so pissed before.

Just like that I heard the door slam shut again. I pulled myself off Tae and went to the hole, moving the sheet once again and glancing behind me to see if Tae was watching.

"What are you doing? Get back here Fany."

I peeped my head outside and checked if the coast was clear. There was only one guard watching us but he was watching some football game on the poorly lit television, drinking a can of beer.

He could see me from the corner of his eye if I wasn't careful so I grabbed a broken metal wrench in the shed and held it in my palm.

With all my night I went through the hole, ignoring the protests of Tae as I chucked the wrench as far as I could in the far corner.

It made this loud rattling sound which started the guard. He cautiously placed his can of beer on the ground and stood up, looking left and right before moving to the source of the sound.

"Fany-ah, what the fuck are you doing." Tae said sternly and I heard him try to get up and pull me back inside the shed.

When the guard turned his back and the steps of Tae getting closer to me I crawled out of the hole as fast as I could and lunged for the table, grabbing the phone and stumbling back.

Tae had the look of kill on his face. Thank god that hole wasn't big enough for him to fit or I was sure he'd stomp out of there and angrily drag me back there.

I kept walking into things, clumsily grabbing onto anything I could to stabilize myself. I made a racket, and I was so sure I'd be caught.

I checked the door of the shed, wondering if I could open the door from the outside but it was chained shut with a lock pad. I judged and squeezed myself back through the hole as Tae wrapped his arms around me tightly. His breath was harsh and he held me so hard.

"Fuck!" I heard the guard shout and I was startled in Tae's hold.

He quickly brought us back to the corner and laid down. I wrapped myself around Tae and told myself to pretend to sleep.

To breathe normally, to act normally, to behave like I didn't do anything out of the ordinary at all.

The rickety door opened and I felt the heavy footsteps come closer to us.

The guard scoffed and the door soon then closed once again. I let out the breath I held and glanced up to Tae.

We sat up but he still held me close, rubbing my arms up and down.

"Taetae, I-I needed to get the phone."

"Why would you do that? I promised you that you'd walk out of here alive. You pulling that stunt right now dwindles down that chance Fany-ah." He grumbled near my ear, kissing the side of my head.

He wasn't angry at me at least, just worried.

I pulled away from him and showed him the phone. His face lit up and he glanced up to me.

"I wanted to get us both out of here Taetae. I still want to go to Disneyland with you. But I can't if you're not there with me." I softly said, handing him the mobile device as he palmed it in his hand.

"You'd risk your life like that for me Fany?" I nodded. I wasn't really risking my life but whatever.

He abruptly held me close again, breathing near my neck while kissing me there.

I smiled to myself. In the three weeks we've been apart I've missed this about him.

He dialed a string of numbers and I sat in between his legs listening.

"Can you track the signal to here? I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere. This signal is ass."

"I need to move her somewhere safe before I kill him. Yes, I will kill him."

"I don't give a shit tell me the reasons not to later. You need to get us out now."

He hung up and gave back the phone to me.

"Throw this as far away as you can." I held it in my hand again and crawled out of the hole. I checked if the coast was clear before chucking it over the fence.

"You look like a fucking mole. I love it, you're fucking cute babygirl."

"Tae, we're stuck in a stupid smelly shed and about to die in an hour or so and you're still trying to compliment me?"

"Take my compliment piggy, I've missed you."

"That's your fault for asking us to go on a break." I teased.

His eyes went to a menacing glare in a split second. "You and I both needed that break. I was suffocating you."

"It wasn't that bad."

"I don't care, I still was suffocating you and you needed to be away from me." He said, shifting uncomfortably.

"Look where we are now, if you were with me back at home I wouldn't have gotten freaking kidnapped." I jabbed back.

"You still would've gotten kidnapped anyway!"

"And whose fault is that!" I yelled, showing him by the shoulder. He opened his mouth but snapped it. closed and stayed quiet. Not saying a peep.

"You weren't giving me a break. You were running away from the fact that I couldn't tell you if I loved you." I said with a softer tone, afraid I'll injure the guy further with my words.

"It's not hard to tell that you're trying to lessen the times we'll see each other so it'll be easier for you to let me go."

"Tae, I wasn't ready for you. For marriage, and love. It's not something that can happen instantly, it takes time Tae."

"Are you just afraid that you'll be lonely, Tae?" He stayed quiet.

He gritted his teeth and grinded it. His hand once again formed into a ball and I couldn't help but wonder did I really have this affect on him?

To make him angry with everything I say? To make him pity me to the point he feels obligated to protect me?

He looked away and his eyes softened and I felt so bad immediately.

At that moment I knew that whatever we had just said to each other wasn't right. It wasn't right in the sense that it made us both feel some burden towards each other, like pity.

We stayed quiet. Not knowing what to say, not knowing when to say. But it broke as I heard the distant sounds of shouts, gun shots, tires screeching and the faint sounds of crashing.

Doors slammed open, people arguing shouting and screaming at each other was all I heard.

My eyes were still set on him despite all of that.

Suddenly at the intrusion of my peaceful thinking, the shed door swung open. A tall man with hair just above his shoulder came in with smiles.

I've never seen him before but he wasn't some of the bad guys I knew for sure.

"Your neighbourhood is here, otherwise known as Heechul. I brought along an idiot too." The guy said smugly.

Some other man pushed the 'Hyung' away and put his hands on his hips. We was quite comical, really. "The life of the party has just arrived kiddies, Kris Wu is back in town baby." He said with such confidence that I felt like he was another Tae.

Tae grunted and they both helped him up.

"You must be the famous Fany. The great tamer of Kim Taeyeon. Hello." Kris said before bowing and kissing my hand.

"Hi." I replied, still a little confused.

"Don't mind that idiot, he's a little crazy when he eats a packet of Pocky." Heechul grumbled, giving me a handshake.

"Heechul, or you can call me your cool Oppa." He said pointing to himself.

"This guys too old to be an Oppa. More like a damn grandpa if you ask me." Kris said with a click of his tongue as he effortlessly kicked one of Eunhyuks goons on the ground out of pure fun.

Heechul punched Kris in the gut and he doubled over, holding onto the side of the table for assistance.

"Sorry to keep you waiting for so long. Let's get you out of here, shall we? Ms. Kim Taeyeon Tamer." I chuckled a bit, relived that the tension in the air was loosening up slightly.

But my mind still couldn't wonder away from Tae.

I felt like I kind of hurt him with the words I said, yet I stand by what I said to him 100%.

"Take her somewhere safe. I have some business to do." Tae grumbled as he walked away.

My heart ached as I watched the guy disappear without sparing a glance at me.

His back was slouched, he had a limp in his walk and worst of all he left in silence.

"I can't persuade my way out of going home with you can I?"

"Nope." They both said in unison.

"Can you please make sure he gets back to me? Alive?" I said, looking at them both desperately.

They looked at each their and I started panicking. It was like they secretly told each other it wasn't going to be possible.

"Please? Please, please. That's all I ask for? I promise I won't try to run away or cause trouble."

The sighed and nodded. "Okay."

"Please take care of my Tae, his back is badly injured." I whispered.

They began ushering me out of that secluded area. I walked over men that were on the ground groaning as they were pretty messed up.

I saw Eunhyuk as he sat in the corner tied to a pole. He eyed me and scoffed, spitting out a mouthful of blood and saliva.

I stepped out the door and glanced up to the poor excuse of a roof, watching that familiar figure with his hands in his pocket nod at me.

"Taeyeon-ah." I said, knowing that he can't hear me. He stepped away from the edge and disappeared again.

Say something, I'm giving up on you Tae.

That awful feeling in my gut started to churn. It was like predicting something bad was going to happen between the two of us and I felt so insecure.

I couldn't figure out what it was, but it isn't good.


	15. Heartbreak Hotel

Stephanie Hwang

"Where are we going?" I asked, looking out the window as we pass trees and trees and trees and more trees.

"We're going to your worst nightmare." Kris joked. Heechul punched his gut and grumbled curses at Kris as he laughed.

"Uh, we're going to a safe house type of thing." Heechul answered, still side eyeing Kris with glares.

I leaned forward in between the two guys. "What's a safe house?" I asked.

"Well, it's safe. It's also a house. So safe house." He said with chuckles.

"Do you guys live there?"

"No, but it is our second home kind of. Think of it like a cabin."

I shrugged, not really caring where I went as long as I didn't die and I got to see Tae.

Heechul placed his finger on the scanner plate thingy before taking off his shades and staring straight and close to a camera.

I thought this thing was straight out of the movies. "Stephanie, come. I need to add you to the house system." Heechul said while putting back his shades on.

A house system? What the hell is that. He took my hand and placed my thumb on the scanner, my eye also got scanned by some laser thing.

I stared at in utterly confused but didn't question it. I heard the slamming of a car trunk and the wheels of a cooler rolling over gravel and dirt.

Kris was pulling behind him a cooler full of groceries albeit with a lot f struggle.

I stood behind Heechul as he typed something on his phone, looking at my surroundings. I found the yet again secluded area a little eerie.

I couldn't really blame myself though. Being held against my will in some dumb deserted area probably got to me.

But what made it bearable was Tae. I only got through that experience because he was there.

I looked at him and I felt like it was going to be okay, i thought that he wouldn't let anything bad happen to me.

It made it alright, as long as I was with him I'll be okay.

I should be afraid, scared, paranoid and absolutely traumatized but I felt so strong and bold when I was with Tae. It was the only reason why I made such a risky move to get the phone that saved our lives.

Like I thought we were superman and superwoman.

SuperTaeng, SuperFany.

"Heechul?" I asked.

"Yeah?" He replied, pushing the door open and flicking a couple of switches.

"Are you guys going to stay here?"

"For a couple of days, or till Taeng gets back. But if he needs us we gotta go."

"Hey, stop talking and help me with the food. Who's idea was it to buy a fucking watermelon?" Kris shouts from outside.

We both laughed, loving how he was such a man child. We sat down in the lush living room that was sleek and modern. More modern that those sci-fi futuristic esque movies. It was like, black meets silver metal meets a hint of red. I really liked the black beanbag chair, I just so happened to plop on it. Sinking to the deep depths of bean bagginess, Heechul sat beside me, puffing the chair up and almost flinging me away.

"Fany? Is it okay to call you that."

"Queen Fany." I corrected. He deadpanned, nudging me in the arm. I chuckled and shook my head. "Fany is fine."

"What exactly happened? I mean, with you and Taengo."

"Oh, I don't really know. I was supposed to meet him at his office to go watch a movie, because you know. . . we were on a break and haven't seen each other for so long." He nodded, clicking his tongue and sighing. He had such gentleness in his eyes and I loved the fact that he made himself so approachable, like he'll listen to you.

"He was kind of a depressed ball of fuckery anger. It was really hard to get him out of bed when all he wanted to do was stay at home and play The Sims. It's really weird, to see someone have such a big effect on him but it's to be expected." He said, reaching over for a couch cushion before slinging at me, hitting me in the face.

"I guess." I answered loosely, not really know what to reply back.

I continued, sinking deeper in the bean bag chair, covering my eyes with my arm. "Then I guess I was drugged and kidnapped to some place. Taeng's gang thing, which I really don't want to know more about. And that is where I met Taeng after 3 weeks, we both were in a stupid chair bounded by ropes."

He hummed, laying down beside me shoulder to shoulder. "I had a feeling something happened when he didn't answer his phone. It was game night too, I even offered to buy snacks."

"They like talked about some stupid stuff and then all of a sudden the guy with the messed up jaw that made like clicky sounds? Sounded like a chicken, anyways he pulled me out of the chair right and pushed me to the floor and I thought I was going to die."

"Well here you are now, so what happened?"

"Taetae. . he ran over to me and oh my god he looked like such a superhero. SuperTaeng." I beamed, fangirling and squealing in my seat recalling the moments he was such a stud.

Heechul quirked a brow before muttering 'embarrassing' and that only spurred me further.

"He laid on top of me, he protected me from getting hit. He was such a charmer, he smiled even though they were like mutilating his back. He saved me. . ." I said with a sad smile.

I still remember the moment clearly, the time he said he's sorry for getting me into this, the part where he caressed me cheek, the time he pried my hands off his head and stuck them to my side. How he kissed me so softly still looking at me with such a tender gaze.

I remember how his arms shook that were propping himself up, I remember the grunts, the mutters and clenched fists he had from the pain.

I remember the selfless act he did and I smiled so widely, sniffling back tears of happiness.

He nudged me a little bit and I craned my neck to the guy. "Hey, I need to ask you something, But you have to be truthful in your answer."

"Okay. . ."

Heechul scratched his head before turning to me and sighing. "Do you. . love him?"

"I-I can't answer that." I uttered quickly.

"Sorry, let me rephrase that. Do you think you both of you will last, like in a relationship? Because if you guys don't then I think you should break it off with him." He says quietly. I sat on my seat with my back a bit straightened out, a little uncomfortable talking about Taetae when it comes to these things.

I just want to be happy with him, no more fighting no more talks about this, no more doubts in us.

"I want us to last." I said, truthfully, honestly.

"But you're not sure. . are you?" I nodded my head, reluctant to answer another one of his questions.

"I don't mean no harm, I'm just asking. But Fany, if you can't do this with him. Help yourself and just leave okay? When it's no longer bearable just go. I won't blame you, no one will blame you."

"W-Why are you saying that?"

"Look at him Fany. He's a train wreck on the inside. It's gotten worse when he's with you and I kind of don't really want to see him like this. I'm not saying you should break up with him and that you're bad I'm just saying he's blind. A total mess, and stupidly madly in love with you." He spoke with hesitation, like he was unsure of his best friend. I looked away, agreeing with him just a bit.

"We have to go in a couple of minutes. Taeng's room is upstairs to the right. Make yourself at home and remember the place is hooked up with 24/7 security. Call me if you need anything and if all else fails there a gun hidden under every table in the house." He say nonchalantly, pulling the cooler in the house and shutting the door close but not without waving a bye to me.

"We'll be back so don't try to escape! The house is armed with nuclear lasers that'll disintegrate you within seconds if you so happen to cross a hair over the door!" I heard Kris bellow out before the sounds of a roaring engine started and took off, disappearing as it got further away.

I sighed and dropped the hands on my hips. This cabin was a mansion and the fact that I have to find his room was even more daunting.

I skipped around the house, going from door to door opening them and closing them when the room didn't look like Tae's.

When I opened the second to last one I immediately squealed at the sight of Kaonashi tucked in the right side of his bed.

I knew that was Tae because no one does that type of thing but him.

But just for extra confirmation, k kind of slid in the bed and smothered my face in his pillows.

The scent of Taeng's sandalwood smell confirmed all my guesses.

I giggled, laughing in his pillows as I snuggled up close to the Kaonashi, bringing his blue sheets up to my face.

My eyes felt droopy but caught the glimpse of am image of blue dress, much similar to mine. I put all my energy to turning that way and honestly I don't even know what to say.

He has a photo of us neatly framed on the night desk. I grabbed it so fast, like lightning speed rocket fast.

A photo of us, the day I came home crying because I thought someone was following me. He took me out to the little carnival by the beach and bought me a pink balloon, and told me to wear this specific dress because he said 'you'll look really cute and I want everyone to know you're really cute'. The back drop was a mixture of tones blue, orange and red mushed up together to create a beautiful sunset in which I tiptoed on my feet and kissed him on the cheek as he smiled cheekily in the camera, my two fingers still holding onto the balloon he bought me.

I remember that day so freshly in my mind, because it was the day I kind of experienced something new I hadn't felt before with him.

"Do we have to? We'll remember this day so there's no need for pictures Fany-ah." He said, tugging me gently away from the crowd of people.

We were at the pier slowly taking a nice stroll at the boardwalk with our hands clasped together. We swung our hands a bit like we were star crossed lovers in a chick flick movie, but I held his hand because it was a cold, and he's warm. He's also squishy, and his hand is cute and holdable. I also kind of really liked the guy so.

"Why do you hate taking photos? You have to take them Taeyeon-ah, you're 28 and you won't remember this when you're older. In 70 years you won't be able to wipe your ass or remember my name, what makes you think you'll remember what happened on this day?"

"I will always remember your name." He mutters, still trying to pull me away from the stand. He practically dragged me away, tempting me by saying how he'll buy me french fries, chicken nuggets and even a stuffed animal but I was relentless. I wanted a damn photo of us and I will get a freaking photo of us.

I let go of his hand and he stomped on the boardwalk, almost throwing a tantrum right there and then if it wasn't for the menacing glare I gave him.

I walked away a bit just to adore the sunset, loving how I see families together laughing and smiling as they spend time with each other, or the young teenage couples absolutely in love looking at each others eyes as they run to the rides.

The breeze swept by me and enveloped me in such a warm welcoming embrace that I didn't know was Tae till he mumbled my name and kissed me on my exposed shoulder.

"What are you thinking about?" He mumbled against my neck.

"Everything. But I'm scared Tae." I answered truthfully.

"Why are you scared when I'm here? I promised you that nothing would happen to you remember?"

"But you weren't there when I walked back home. I-I thought someone was following me Tae."

"No one was following you though." He retorted.

I shook my head, the fear was still lingering there for me. "But if they did? If something happened Tae? Would you be there?"

"I wouldn't let them even touch a single strand of hair from you. Please don't worry so much and trust me? I won't let anything happen to you. I really won't because I wouldn't be able to live with myself if they did." He said with a hint of tenderness in his voice.

My ears perked when he said that. I felt like some sort of pressure in my stomach, it wasn't bad. It was good, really good. It felt weird. I wasn't used to it. I've never felt anything like it before. Those gentle words were enough to struck something like that from me. I felt myself form a small smile at the sound of that.

"We're going to be together for a long time." He whispered.

I hummed and he kissed my temple, holding my hand that was gripping the hand rail.

"I love you." He said. I nodded my head slightly, laying a kiss on his lips, letting it linger there a little bit longer than usual. But I didn't say it back.

"Baby girl, I got you a little something." He said in a hushed whisper. I pulled at his arm that was wrapped around my waist and turned around, seeing a pink balloon bobbing up and down as he kept tugging at it.

"Why?"

"It's so I can find you. there was only one left so you're like the only one who has the pinky one. So if you ever get lost, don't fret, Taeyeon will not forget." I bursted out laughing as he frowned, not impressed from my sudden laughter. He tied the string of the balloon on my finger and I smiled, remembering how he once came to my work place with ah handfuls of balloons. He was such a distracting nugget that I couldn't refuse the guy when he showed up with a bouquet of time to my entertainment.

"You won't let me get lost." I said questioning him. He nodded.

"True, I won't even let you out of my sight, but knowing you you're kind of a slippery piggy. You'll be here for a second and the next moment you bolt away looking at something else. I'm getting old Fany-ah, I can't keep up." He whined, kissing me on the cheek as he tucked some loose strands of hair behind my ear. This gesture still gets me feeling all tingly.

"Well, grow a pair and learn to keep up. Your loss if you can't Taetae." He starts grumbling and frowning, muttering nonsense as I linked arms with him walking along the boardwalk. Our shoes clicked and clacked, making the satisfying sound you hear with rattling wooden boards. Occasionally, seagulls flew by us and that annoying yapping sound came from them but I tuned them all out. Even the bright energetic carnival that emitted everything from bright lights, happy laughter and joyful screams were gone.

All I ever heard was him.

We were approaching the end of the boardwalk and I was a bit disappointed and eager to slow down. I didn't want this day to end. Because if it did, it meant that I'd have to go home and I wouldn't be able to see him till maybe a few days later.

I didn't want to be alone, at east for not today.

He made me feel safe, so protected and happy. He makes me so happy.

I reached for the phone in is pocket and he looked at me while holding in a laughter. "It tickles." He says, still trying to swat me away from his jacket pocket.

"Let's take a photo."

"Oh god, not this again."

"Taetae. . ." I warned. He shook his head and I let go of his hand, walking briskly away from him. A couple of seconds later I heard the boardwalk rattle and echo with large steps of the big bear. He hugged me from behind and muttered a 'sorry' as he told me to wait.

I turned around to see the guy speedily run towards another couple. He said something to him while pointing at me, rubbing his hands together and bowing like he's begging for something. The couple smiled and nodded their heads. From afar I saw him flash his millionaire dollar smile as he waved at me.

I waved back and stood there waiting for my little brown bear to come back to me and he did, but with two people who were willing to take a photo of us.

I slapped his arm and smiled..

"You donkey."

"Hey, I wanted to have a really nice photo I can show off to all my friends. Not some stupid dinky selfie that won't even show the rest of your pretty dress." He said, pulling me closer in the arm as I stood beside the tall guy.

I looked up at him and he was smiling towards the couple, I heard them ask if we were ready and we both nodded.

I wasn't going to settle for such a generic pose, so I quickly tip toed on my feet, kissing him on the cheek right before the couple counted from from 3, 2 and 1.

Taeng immediately turned towards me as shocked but as happy as can be. He lifted me up, and spun us around for a few seconds before placing me back down and patting my head. I frowned, scolding him for treating me like a pet. He chuckled in such a rich tone, making me burst out in laughter too.

I heard my giggle, I heard his chuckle. I saw his smile, and in his eyes I saw mine too. I felt his hand caress mine, and I felt mine holding it tightly. I squeezed it, and he squeezed back.

"Miyoungie." He teased. I pushed him on the shoulder and I turned my head totally forgetting about the couple who were looking at us in amusement. I apologized to them a billion times and it only stopped when they said it was okay and walked away, still giggling at the both of us.

"Miyoungie" I heard again. I was going to hit this man to the moon but I saw him squat down with his back faced towards me.

"Your express piggy back ride, hop on lets go home." He said cheekily. I looked at him, matching his charming smile.

My favourite dimpled smile.

My heart thumped and beat so quickly, blood rushed to that area and I couldn't help but smile thinking about that day.

I didn't think he's the type to keep such things, let alone in a place where he doesn't really go.

I wonder why he doesn't have this in his house. Or his office.

Nonetheless I laid there in bed with the picture hugged tight to my chest.

He's so cute for doing this and he doesn't even know.

I looked at it one more time, staring at the both of us so happy and so much in love.

Love. Love. I think I love him.

I got up an hour later, tucking that photo of us in the bed. I went to his closet and opened it, expecting there to be a secret compartment full of like guns and knives.

But it was just close, I think I need to stop watching movies before I start thinking everything is a secret compartment full of guns and stuff.

Then again there were guns taped underneath all the tables like Heechul said. I even checked.

I picked out the biggest t-shirt I could find and slipped it on, letting my dress pool on the floor, far too lazy to pick it up and put it away.

I lifted the shirt up to my nose and went to heaven, it smelt like him too.

My phone's screen lit up as I heard the bell sound. I skipped over to it, hoping it was Tae. I wanted him to come home now. I wanted to go to the beach beside the cabin, I wanted to not be in this creepy house alone.

Still want to be with him? The message read from another number.

My breathing felt like it stopped for awhile. Everything slowed down. My hands were shaky, holding the stupid phone in my hand.

I kept looking at the screen even though I tell myself not to.

Great. Many high resolution photos of Tae feeling it up and kissing another girl. And that another girl happens to be one of the most recognized faces in the music industry who happens to be Taeng's biggest fucking fan. Juniel.

He told me he wouldn't do this. He promised me he wouldn't do that to me, to never be like Nick.

But he did, he lied to me. He did the same exact thing that broke me to bits and I couldn't be more heartbroken at the fact that he lied.

There was a part of me at a certain time that doubted him, but I came around and told myself that yes, I could trust Tae. I made myself believe that he's different from any other person because I felt like I needed to defend him.

I was wrong, I was so fucking wrong.

And just like that right on cue I heard the front door open and I went outside of Tae's room. Gripping the hem of my shirt as I felt like the phone in my hand was going to burst from how hard I was gripping it. "Where were you?" I asked.

I was supposed to be happy, to dart towards him like a speedy cat. To hug him, welcome home and to pepper him with kisses all over his face because of how much I missed him. The day Eunhyuk kept us in that shed I haven't seen him or been so cose to him for awhile. I needed to thank him properly for what my Taetae did for me. But I didn't. I was supposed to do that, we were supposed to be happy right now. But it's not.

"Out." He said, taking off his shoes and jacket before walking past me, bumping shoulders.

"I haven't seen you in 3 days and all you could tell me is out?" I asked with my voice peaking. I followed him into the kitchen.

He shrugs. "I was out."

"I've been holed up in this stupid house for 3 days, waiting for you."

"I was out Fany." He grumbled while pulling at his collar. He popped open the beer bottle's top and walked past me yet again.

"Out fucking girls?" I gritted through my teeth.

He snapped his head to me. "What did you say?" His low tone made me want to slap it out of him.

"You heard me."

"I didn't." He said through gritted teeth. He stopped unbuttoning his shirt and turned to face me.

"Why are there photos of your hands up Juniel's skirt then?" I dared to ask, never thinking of the day I'd ask about her ever again after seeing her once.

"I didn't." He said nonchalantly and returned to his bottle of beer.

"Why are you lying!" I yelled, throwing the phone at him.

He stared at the photo on the screen on the floor and didn't look up.

"Why are you lying Taeyeon-ah! There's photos of you clearly doing just that! Why can't you just tell me the truth!"

He slammed the bottle of beer on the table, turning his body to face me with a heaving chest. "God shut the fuck up for once! Do you have to question me every single time?!"

"I have every right to question you! What makes you think it's okay to do that to her? Are we not together Tae!" My head started to throb from all this shouting. I hated the fact ow he didn't seem to be bothered by what he did.

"Did you have sex with her?" I asked quietly, still boring my eyes into the stupid man.

"Why does it matter? This happened when we were on a break. Plus, we still are on a break are we not?"

"So after we both got kidnapped you saved me and protected me and you still thought we were on a break! A break Taeyeon?! We agreed to see and hang with each other less! It didn't mean we broke up so you could go fuck other girls! Last time I checked you told me it was you who wanted a break! Not breaking up but time apart!"

He stayed quiet and I felt myself wanting to just die. "I thought our break was over the moment you crawled on top of me and protected me Taeyeon-ah."

I was practically about to burst into tears. But another part of me was just so mad at him, upset and angry. I didn't think he'd do this to me. I did at one point, but that was so long ago. It was when I didn't know him when I didn't feel much for him.

But I needed to know if he did. I wanted to know if he did do anything with her."

"Taeyeon-ah, did you?" I asked quietly.

"Does it matter?"

I scoffed, tears in my eyes as I couldn't believe this guy.

"It matters to the point where I'll leave you if you did."

"Then go." He muttered and I couldn't believe my ears.

Did he or did he not?

I wanted to fight more, I wanted him to tell me it was all a lie. That what I saw was fake. I wanted to scream, shout, cry and do so much more with him.

I wanted us to fight for each other, but he just dismisses me like that and I look like a fool.

I grabbed my jacket and phone, putting it on quickly wanting to leave this torturous place. I wanted to run away again. I wanted him to look for me, to call me back and to hold me and tell me not to go once I did run away.

He grabbed my arm, pulling me back and I fumbled to the ground. It was at this time I was a wreck.

"No, don't go. I love you, I love you so much. Just tell me what I want to hear." He said with a shaky voice.

"I trusted you Taeyeon-ah! I gave you all of me and y-you cheated on me!" I shoved him on the chest as I pushed him away. He let me do that while saying nothing and I hated him for it.

"Why are you so obsessed with me telling you that I love you? Why does it matter if I do right now or in the future? Why are you so eager Tae. We went over this."

"I just want to hear you say it."

"You couldn't wait any longer so you decided to go find another girl?"

"It was nothing. We didn't do anything."

I let out a frustrated sigh, still sobbing as I held the end of my shirt tightly.

"If you just told me earlier. ." He suddenly said.

"So you're saying if I told you that I loved you earlier you wouldn't have cheated on me!? Tried to find someone else to replace me, telling you what you need to hear?!"

"I told you it was nothing! I can't find love through sex you-"

"So you did have sex with her!"

He got up and grabbed the base on the table, throwing it against a wall letting it become obliterated.

"Fuck Stephanie! Why are we like this!"

"You tell me Taeyeon! It looks like you're extending our fucking break till I say 'I love you' to you!"

"I am not doing that!"

"Yes you are! You're doing exactly that! Tae, you cheated on me. You cheated on me." I said with a quivering voice.

"It's not cheating! It was nothing! I didn't do anything with her!"

"It's something Tae! If I were to kiss another man would you have brushed it off and said it was okay?! If I were to lay hands on another man's crouch what would you say! I can't even be close to another guy without you getting mad at me, being paranoid that I'd cheat on you!"

"I don't talk to guys because I knew you'd be upset. So I don't, to spare us whatever fight we had to go through. I did it for you. It may not be a big deal to you but it is to me." I said with tears streaming down my cheeks so fast, so freely.

"Because every time I trust someone they show me that I shouldn't later on." I sobbed, grabbing onto the chair of the sofa trying to get up. I didn't dare look at his face.

He was embarrassing to me because he's made me look like a fool. What was Sooyoung going to say? What about Michelle? Leo?

"Why do you love me? What made you say that so quickly? Was it out of pity. . ." I said trailing off. His eyes shot up at me and he pushed me back.

"Why would you fucking say that? I don't love you because I felt bad for you."

"We didn't just happen to be together Tae."

"We came from stupid beginnings. You helped me when I almost got raped in the alley, you were there when I cried my eyes out thinking Nick was going to kill me. You feel bad for me, it's not love Tae."

"I do love you!"

"Do you? Do you love me that much to say it so quickly?" I questioned.

"Me saying quickly shouldn't be compared to your incapability of not saying it to me!" He said, shaking his head looking so lost.

"I'm not incapable." I reasoned, looking at the mess of a man beside me. He's jus blurting out words now not knowing how to respond to me. I couldn't blame him because I'm also having trouble forming rational sentences in my head before choking them out.

"Tae, the 90 Day proposal, was that purely because you pity me? That you feel obligated to protect me? And is it because you don't want to be lonely?"

"Stop, stop!"

"Tae, please answer me."

"No, no please it hurts." He said, blinking back the tears.

"That's not love Tae, putting so much pressure on me to tell you those three words. Do you even have any idea how those precious words mean? It's not love when you force me to think about marriage with you for 3 months, and at the end we're going to never see each other again if I don't make up my mind?"

"Am I wrong Tae?"

"You're wrong, it's like you don't know anything about me."

"You cheated on me, that's all I will ever know."

"Fany-ah, please don't say that."

"Taetae, my Taeyeon." I said in a hushed whisper, touching his hand and pulling on his forefinger.

He held my two fingers that were hanging on loosely to his. "Do you know how much it hurts? When we were held in that fucking place just me and you I was so sure to risk my life for you. I was so sure that you were going to walk out of there alive because I would've done anything for you to be able to do that." He mumbled, still playing with my fingers.

"I wanted to show you that you'll be okay. At least with me, and that maybe in the future when we're together you'll be able to see just that. But I couldn't even hear you tell me. I just wanted to hear it come from you because I care about you. You're someone I absolutely adore, cherish and think is so precious." He says sincerely and I looked up at him. Both of us were such a mess, so much tears in our eyes and I hated this fight.

"I look at you and I just love you. It terrifies me. It terrifies me what I would do for you." I hear him whisper as he pulled me close to him.

With my lips pressed close to his ear and my hand gently resting on his shoulder my lips curved into a sad smile. "I love you, Taeyeon-ah."

He hugged me so tightly. I felt his back drop a bit and he was relaxed, like a big weight on his shoulders was gone. "You do? You really do Fany-ah?" I nodded. He cupped my face and looked at me with such gentleness. "Why didn't you tell me earlier? Why couldn't you have said that to me."

"Because it's not easy to say something like this." I said, running my hand through his hair.

"W-When did you start to know? When were you going to tell me?"

"I had a feeling when your brought me to the pier, when you told me that you'll be with me for a long time. Then when Eunhyuk had us and he was going to hit me you crawled on top of me and didn't let him. You kept your promise that I'd be okay. But I knew for sure when I found a picture of us on that day beside your night table." I trailed off, my heart skipping beats thinking of the reason why I do love him. My mind started to wonder off of the things he's told me, the things he's said to me. To the things he said about us.

"It hurts Fany, when you couldn't say it before." He mumbled, back still turned from me.

"I know. I've seen you."

"Seen me?"

"You think I didn't see your red eyes when you came to my house asking for a break? You were crying Taeyeon-ah." I sniffed, wiping my nose with a tissue.

"How do you know."

"I just do." I palmed his cheek, kissing him there tenderly. "Have you waited too long? Do you love me the same?" I asked when I pulled away from him.

He nodded his head. I softened at his little nod. "Taeyeon-ah, make me love you." He breathed in and breathed out, holding my close.

There was an eerie silence between us and I felt my face heat up. I didn't like how it was so quiet all of a sudden. My eyes were stained with tears, pain and uncertainty but I was so close to him. His arms wrapped around me and I felt safe again, but it was almost like a dream.

"Have you not believed for a second that I've loved you and never stopped? I've done nothing but put you first and only you. I'm not good with words, you know it. I may not express it enough but you know that with every ounce of whatever I have in me, is to love you and care for you. All of me is for you. Do you not believe that? What have I not done that can't solidify that to you?" His voice changed and from a millisecond he went from angry to the gentle coo that just melts me.

"Yes, I did kiss her, yes I did touch her in places where I should. But I was drunk, like incredibly drunk. I pulled myself off her and went straight to my hotel room and called you. The photos didn't show that, it only showed the moment I kissed her and touched her. But I promise you, we didn't do anything else. I didn't take her to bed. That's why when you picked up the phone you asked me why was I practically unconscious and slurring. I didn't tell you because it's so wrong. I did you so wrong."

"I know it's still considered cheating because I kissed her. It's my fault, I could've done so much to prevent that. I am in the wrong completely, this is my fault. I'm not going to use that 'I was drunk' excuse and try to make myself look like I'm innocent because I'm not."

"I'm your girlfriend Taeyeon-ah. You've told me you loved me and I'm the only one for you. How am I supposed to know that you won't ch-cheat on me?" He pushes me gently off his lap and ran his fingers through is hair in frustration. He paced around the living room breathing a bit more heavily than usual.

He kicked the chair in front of him before sitting on the floor with his head hung low. He shook his head repeatedly before gripping the sofa leg tightly. "You've had thoughts about me leaving you haven't you. I've never thought about that act ever since I got with you. You think I'm that low? To do that to you after what happened to you? Did you really think that after everything that has happened between you, Nick and us, that I'd go and leave you? I don't think about that ever because you're everything to me and you're my pride and joy. I've told you countless fucking times. Why can't you see that. Where is the trust? What happened to everything we fucking built and with these few photos it all vanishes away like nothing and all our effort has diminished. Where is it Steph? Tell me because I can't seem to fucking find it anymore."

I hesitate to even speak, I hate you but I don't mean it. "Taeyeon I love you." My voice cracks as I said the last sentence. I'm a sobbing crying mess as a heaving man in front of me looks like he's about to burst with his fists clutched like that. I fell to my knees and sat on the floor holding myself to keep my life from falling apart even more.

You've broken that trust Taeyeon-ah, of course it's going to disintegrate as soon as I saw the photos. There's no more chances Taetae.

I hear him sigh.

Taeyeon say something, fight with me more. Please hold me, I'm hurting.

"Maybe I love you too much." He bitterly chuckles. I still can't fathom the change of his tone in the seconds we were fighting. From angry to sad, harsh to soft, rough to gentle, hoarse to mellow. "If I knew you felt I think I wouldn't have done what I did. because when I kissed her I thought it was you. When I touched her I thought of you. When she said in my ear 'I love you Taeyeon-ah' I imagined it was you. It was so wrong and I'm sorry. What I did is not forgivable, excusable but I can't help but think what if you did tell me earlier?"

I raise my head from my knees and looked over at him. He caught my glance and he looked disconnected. I felt myself just tighten at his expression. "You can't just blame me for not telling you. This has no effect on you and your decision to cheat on me Taeyeon. This is different."

"I know. I'm so messed up. I'm sorry." He said, wiping the tears away quickly when they fell.

This was really our first fight and they say the first one is always the hardest.

I couldn't help but think that maybe our relationship isn't going to work. I felt so insecure about it. There's not a moment that passes by that I wonder if he's out with someone else. It's wrong to think that, I know. But I can't help it. You can't just turn yourself from a playboy who loves to have sex and then settle down just like that. It doesn't work that way.

I've always been a little intimate and I guess needy, but it hurts.

"Maybe we aren't right, for each other I mean." His head shot up at me and I could hear his heavy breathing.

"Wh-what are you implying Stephanie." He asks shakily and I see him shift in his seat.

"I don't think it's going to work out." I whisper to him, not sparing a single look at him because I knew if I did I'd just be a mess.

My heart was breaking and it hurt so bad. I've only ever wanted love and someone that I could lean on. Was it too much to ask? I've been neglected, thrown around and beaten. Every time I was with Taeyeon I knew I wouldn't have been any of those, but when he started to do any of those I can't help but second guess our relationship.

I've let me insecurities, worries and anxieties get in the way. I'm always paranoid, what if this happens, what if that happens. I'm always pondering if I'm enough for him, if he's cheating on me, if I want to be with him truly till the end. It's not fair to him at all. I have to be strong but I can't. I've tried but I can't.

I'm like this because of my past. Taeyeon's worked so hard to help me forget and move on. But I just can't forget that. It was traumatizing and I've lost my sense of reality. It's not fair to him, life is not fair.

He pulled me in his lap and cupped my cheek in his hand. He looked like he was panicking and I've never seen him so distraught before. I know he's hurting too and I wonder why we had to put ourselves through this.

He slowly inched towards me and kisses my tears away while running the sides of my cheek with his thumb that got my spine to shiver.

My mind is a mess and it always had a mind of its own. My hand reached out for his hand and I held it close to my cheek, asking him to never leave it.

In return he kisses me hungrily and I yelped at his lips. I felt him pull at my shirt and take it off me as his hand crept up on my back that left tingly sensations all over it. I shoved at his shoulder but he laid me down and never broke our kiss.

His hand traveled the length of my leg and he caressed my arm aggressively. His kiss never stopped growing more needy and desperate. I felt dangerously worried when his hand traveled up the wrong side. I felt myself crack, and when he touched me in that spot, I kicked at him and slapped him across the face.

He sits up and breathes heavily. He looked so blank and I saw his fists clench together. I can't believe I just did that but I can't believe he just did that either. He held his own face and looks down immediately in shame when I glanced at him.

"I didn't mean to Taetae. I'm sorry, let me see." I reach out for him but he leans back, away from my grasp. Why am I like this? For him to touch me inappropriately and I retaliate but only for myself to crawl back to him in concern and worry when he deserves every part of that slap.

"I deserve that." He says through a clenched jaw. "I'm sorry, I-I don't know why I did that." I hear his faint voice and my heart softens.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered. I wiped my tears harshly away from my cheeks and sat up against the sofa. I curled myself into a ball and I cried.

It's like he's a shadow of my ex but in a way a closeted one, a passive man waiting to strike and break all hearts in its path. He's not a carbon copy of Nick, he will never be. But right now, he's slowly filling in my past lovers shoes and becoming the one I feared. Am I afraid? Yes. Do I think he'll hurt me? No. But when I see that face my opinion on him changes.

He open his mouth but I cut him off.

"No, I don't want to hear it." I say in between my sobs. I put my hands over my ears shaking my head from side to side. I can't take it I don't want fed excuses. I'm a hypocrite and I don't know what I want now.

He pulls me by the arm and shoves me back harshly, I trip and fall back hitting my arm and leg on the corner of a table.

Instantly the memories flood again and I see Nick's face on Taeng's body and now I'm even scared. I can't tell the difference between Nick and Tae at this point, it's so numbing. I felt like I just saw as silhouette standing in front of me. My vision is blurred and I don't know who I was loving.

"Why are we fighting like this Taetae. Please don't. Don't do this." I say as I inch away from his, letting my back hit a sofa as I couldn't run away anymore.

He pulls me back up gently, but I pull away. I pound on his chest letting my anger out physically on him. I may have inflicted scratches and bruises on him but I'm too angry to care.

"I h-hate you T-Tae, I h-hate y-you. I don't even know you anymore. It hurts so much to love someone like you." I take the promise ring off my finger and throw it at the ground not caring where it landed.

"Fine! Then stop! You don't have to!" Just like that, he goes from angry to sad, then back to angry. His mood swings so frequently, so quickly to the point where I had no idea who I was dealing with.

"I can't stop! Not when I just told you I did! I can't!" I wailed, looking at the guy whose angrily looking for the ring.

"Make up your mind Taeyeon." I pleaded.

He shook his head, slamming in things all over the house and I stood there holding into a table watching.

My eyes were tired of crying, I wanted to take a deep breathe and relax.

"I'll make up my mind then. We can't do this anymore because I don't know what you want and I don't know what I want either. Let's break up Tae. End this."

He looked at me again but this time didn't fight, didn't say anything. I glanced at him quickly to see if he'd react but he didn't show anything except the twinkling in his eyes I saw as he tried to blink back the tears.

He picked up a box from the ground and threw it towards me, it fell to the ground with the lid coming off it as it slid towards me.

My eyes widened at the blue squares.

I kneeled down and touched the pile of blue papers, not believing my eyes.

The coins! The stupid coins! The 90 Day thing!

I thought he forgot about the stupid ultimatum thing but it seemed like he was still on top of it day after day.

I gathered them all up and counted them, one by one. I was amazed how he didn't miss a day. They were all there, all of the days he didn't give them to me; 28.

I've always kept them in a nice little glass jar. I used to put them in one by one as I got them each day but if I wasn't mistaken, he hasn't given me one at all for 28 days.

There was 53 days left in our little contract if I wasn't mistaken.

But I couldn't help wonder if we would even make it to the end.

"We'll stop that too. We're done here." I heard him say. I guess it ends here then.

I sink down to my knees crying into them because I had nothing else to do but that in this situation. I hear him walk away with the jingling of a pair of keys and the door being slammed shut. Moments later I hear a cars engine screech out and getting quieter as it gets further away from the house.

It wasn't me that walked out the door, it was him.


	16. Gone

Kim Taeyeon

I was the one who left. I stepped out of the door and never looked back.

I left first. Only because I didn't want to see anyone else whom I claimed to love to leave me once again. I wasn't going to repeat that part of my life anymore so I left first.

It hurts so much. I had absolutely no idea what I was saying back there with her but all I could remember and replay in my head was when she told me.

I love you Taeyeon-ah.

I just fell apart right there and then, I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know what to say after that. All the questions she asked me I don't know. I could get over the fact that she has told me during our fight and I couldn't process anything.

I said things I shouldn't have, I walked out on her when I shouldn't have all because I was caught up on that moment when she told me.

I've waited so long, it got to the point where I couldn't anymore.

We had a break for 3 weeks or so. There was a day that I did something I wasn't very proud of.

And that was to kiss another girl, to touch another girl so intimately because I was desperate to hear the three words and my name being told to me.

I kissed that girl and I thought of my Steph. I touched her skin and I felt Steph. Juniel started to mutter things in my ear and moan but I imagined everything Stephanie.

When that girl Juniel, said 'I love you Taeyeon-ah' I lost it.

It wasn't what I wanted to hear from Juniel. I wanted to hear it from my babygirl.

It was so wrong because I kept trying to imagine Juniel as Steph.

I couldn't do it anymore so I left Juniel in that room. I went back to my suite and emptied my liquor cabinet. I called my Fany at an ungodly hour as I slurred my speech. I didn't tell Steph what I did. I felt so guilty.

It aches me to hear from her for what I did. It hurts that she didn't hear it from me. I don't think I would've even told her about it. But it's like a slash to myself when she had to find out from someone anonymous.

I don't care who sent that to her because the damage is already done.

I did something I promised her I wouldn't do. I told her I'd never be like her ex. I said that so many times.

But look where we are now. I've lied, I'm a hypocrite and most importantly I've made her so sad.

I've hurt the one I love and I couldn't feel more upset than ever. I didn't want to, and I didn't mean to.

We broke up. It's over now.

Fany and I, are over.

I'm tired of chasing after her, but I know I was in the wrong.

Wrong for practically cheating on her, wrong for asking her hand in marriage in 3 months. Wrong for pressuring her to love me, to tell me that she loved me.

I was so wrong. I can't do that, it's not right.

I'm always too angry with her, too protective, too sensitive and too anxious with her.

The part of me that's telling myself to leave her alone and to stop trapping her in toxicity is overpowering the other part of me that's saying to run after her, to get her back, be selfish and want her to love me.

I don't want to chase after her anymore, I'm afraid of so many things that could happen.

Taengo: Please take care of her.

Hyung: You fucking asshole. I came back to the safe house to see her bawling her eyes out, calling your shitty name.

Taeng: Don't let her leave the house.

Hyung: Why not? She has ever right to leave your sorry ass. I can't believe you would pull that shit on her.

Taeng: Hyung . . please.

Hyung: I'm not stopping her. You fucked up and this is your punishment.

Taeng: Do you realize they're still fucking after us?

Hyung: I'll keep my eye on her. Not because she you used to be your girl, but because she's my friend that I happen to think of as a human being with feelings and a past. I hope you remember you got her into this and I'm not keeping her safe for the reason of because you told me to. I'm doing it because you're not capable of doing it.

I threw my phone against the pavement, seeing the screen crack into a couple dozen lines. I opened he car door and revved up the engine, speeding off. But I stopped, put the car into reverse and backed up till I opened the door again.

I grabbed my phone, opening the lock screen to see Stephanie as I ran my thumb over the deformed image of her. A part of me wanted her to be able to reach me if anything happens. A part of me still wanted her to call me, text me, vide chat me asking me to come back. I'd run into her arms so fast if she did. I didn't want to let her go, I didn't want to leave.

The thing that replayed in my mind was the moment I touched her in a place that wasn't okay. She stopped me and I'm glad. She should sue me, stack me, bring me to the police. When I wanted to pick her up, I pushed at her for god knows what. She fell and she looked like she was in so much pain. She cried even harder and looked at me like I killed someone. It's like she thought I was Nick. Another thing added that I'll never forgive myself for. She's too good for me, I have anger issues. The one that calms me down, shouldn't be the one to receive my end of the anger. I hurt her physically and emotionally.

Gripping the wheel tightly was all I could do. I'm so pissed but I feel like a total dick. I work because now it's a purpose in my life; work to provide Stephanie whatever she wants, keep her happy and she'll make me happy too. In a way it fuelled my own happiness. It was my bad to not tell her about that day, it was my bad for not saying something to her. I asked for a break, I got one. But during that time I did something I wasn't really proud of. I'm not that low of a person to cheat on someone. In my opinion that makes a person less of a man, and more of a god damn coward; and I wasn't that at all.

But I did do that; kind of. I am a damn coward. I kissed someone else, I kind of touched someone else. I had all the power in the world to prevent that from happening but it still happened.

Stupid me. Stupid stupid me.

I pull my car into a halt and slam the door shut making my way hastily into the dirty old underground club. Most of the time it smelt like piss, vomit, and cigarettes. The piercing sound of drunken men and the hollering of people in the ring makes me want to shoot myself but once I'm in that ring, I hear nothing.

I usually come here when I'm totally out of the loop or when work is a stressful as fuck. I come here to beat a few pringle sticks down and the feeling of blood on my hands and adrenaline running through my veins helps relieve there stress. But when I met Steph, seeing her was the remedy I ever needed.

But since she's mad as fuck at me and I can't stand to see her cry, here I am at this shit fight club getting ready to potentially end a few lives here.

I throw my belongings through the small window in the entrance of the club, earning a nod from the fat gate keeper on the other side of the window.

I crack my knuckles, turning my head to see a crowd of drunk lords screeching at each other. I take off my shirt and step into the ring.

Every hit was my wrong doings, every hit was all the things I said to her back home. Every hit i made, I imagined Nicks face. Piece of shit made her like this, piece of shit caused me to relapse into my old life. I won't hesitate to snap him in two if I see him. Punch after punch I feel my fists on fire but inside I can't stop.

The sound of the bell ringing snaps me out of my trace. The roaring of the crowd is wrapped around my ears. I look down at my bloody knuckles and a guy badly bruised laid out on the floor. I must've knocked his jaw out because I can't feel my hand at all, it's numb and it aches. Blood wouldn't stop coming out of the wound as I grab the towel from the stool and wrap it around my hand.

I walk out of the ring and into the locker room. I sat down on the rickety old bench and stared at the blue tiles on the floor, staring at how the grime on it started to fade away as it got to the corner of the room. I sit there for a while, like did I really just do that? I'm back into my old habits aren't I.

"Hey, it's yours. Good work today." The club owner speaks as he hands me an brown envelope full of cash.

I say nothing as I walk past him, bumping shoulders as I breathed out. I opened a random blue locker to find another towel in there. On the door itself was a half assed mirror, it reflected into my eyes and I stared at it for a good minute.

The longer I stared the more I noticed of how shitty I looked.

I was bruised, scared, bloody. It was sure to leave a mark but that didn't matter. I looked tired, disgusting, 7 years more than my age. I didn't look happy. I looked like trash. I wiped my face off with the towel and shut it closed.

I walk back out to the entrance, tapping on the metal bars. Old fat man popped up, nodding at my presence and sliding back all my belongings. I gather my things from him and walked past the eyes of women.

I feel the weight of myself being dragged down, it was a feeling I could never forget; the period where my life fell apart.

The next place I ended up tonight wasn't where I expected myself to be. A little tipsy and high off a joint, I knocked on the door. I turned the handle and knob a couple of times, slumping on it till I heard quiet footsteps and the turning of the lock. It clicked and I glanced up, pulling her into my arms.

"T-Tae, what are you doing here? S-Stop." She said, pulling on my hair gently. I pulled back and pushed her into the bedroom. She has a slight whimper but nonetheless followed my pull.

"There's a lot that you don't know about me. You don't know anything about me."

"I don't because I don't know why you walked out on me." She said, touching my hair tenderly. Her eyes filled with tears.

"I had some things on my mind."

"Tae . . . I missed you." She said, but I cut her off when I pressed my lips against her. She needs to be quiet, for now.

My hand trailed down her body as I hiked her dress up. I brushed her hair to the side, kissing the back of her neck as she tilted it for me approvingly.

The way her hand tugged at my shirt, or how it occasionally touched the side of my face. She caressed it but so unfamiliar to me it threw me off.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see. I don't want to see.

"Take me to bed, make love to me." She purred. I smirked against her neck, turning her around to press a kiss on the top of her brow.

I buried my face into the crook of her neck as we spent the night tangled with each other. My hazy mind and aching self was too much, I needed her.

I felt the exhaustion weigh on me as I got off her and sunk into the bed sheets. She wrapped herself around me one last time as I kissed her hand.

I woke when I felt my hand graze over skin. The warmth was foreign, the scent wasn't something I was used to at all.

I glanced over to see her figure. She turned around and I muttered a curse under my breath.

Juniel.

Shit. I went to her last night drunk, high, and in need of relief. Fuck, of all people I could've went to.

"Good morning, baby." She said quietly, snuggling closer to my neck. I caresses her bareback, kissing her on the forehead. I longed for that warmth.

I hummed. Her finger kept trailing along my neck and I felt so fucking uncomfortable. This was so damn wrong. But I have no reason to worry about it.

Still, I abruptly sat up and turned my back against her. "Juniel don't look for me. Don't call me."

She sat up and brought the covers up with her, covering her bare chest with it as I got dressed.

"You can't just ask for a quick fuck and then leave me alone."

"What makes you think you can stop me."

"I-I told you that I loved you. You walked away. Tae, it hurts." She whispered.

"I don't want a friends with benefit type of thing Tae. I've liked you for a long time." She said rather quickly, grabbing onto my hand as I shuffled on the bed.

Is this what it feels like? To tell someone something so precious but you can't because you don't feel that way?

I guess it's different because she's just a one night stand, but for Stephanie I'm not a one night stand. Hell, we were together, it was a relationship. It was just a matter of time till she told me, all what Stephanie needed was time.

I was there, our relationship was there. Steph just needed to be sure of herself right?

"I'm sorry. I can't. I don't see you that way." I said, pulling my hand away from hers.

"It's that Stephanie girl isn't it? The one all over magazines and tabloids?" She says, narrowing her eyes at me.

"Don't talk about her." I gritted through my teeth, hating how everyone has something against her.

"What's so special about her? We had sex last night. You keep coming back to me Tae. . ." She said, grazing my bareback with her fingertips.

I turned around and pinned her to the bed, arms above her head as I kissed her feverishly. She groaned into my mouth and pushed at me to stop for a moment but I didn't.

I pressed harder against her and ripped the sheets off her.

Juniel's hands went to unbutton my shirt quickly before spreading it, running her soft palm over my abs that reminded me too much of Stephanie.

I pulled away and she whimpered. I looked at her and chased the images of Stephanie in my head away. My heart ached, it hurt too much to think about her when I'm doing an act that I think is a total sin.

Stephanie and I. We've broken up. We're no longer together.

I didn't have to keep faithful, I didn't have to worry about keeping my distance away from women.

I didn't have to stop drinking because Stephanie didn't like it, or stop smoking because she also didn't like that.

I didn't have to stop doing all of those things now because were over. She ended it and I walked out. A couple no more, our relationship smothered out.

But I felt like a criminal whenever I did commit my crimes. I drank as soon as I left. I dragged out a cigarette an hour later and this evening I already had another girl in bed.

It felt wrong. I did the things my Stephanie didn't like and I felt like it was wrong because I'm still so madly fucking in love with her.

She was still my number one girl to me.

"Tae?" Juniel whispered softly. I snapped out of my face and looked at her, still hovering above.

"Why'd you stop?" She asked again.

"Sorry." I muttered, my thoughts on Stephanie still lingering.

I pulled Juniel closer to me, kissing her trying to erase everything I ever knew.

Yet again I woke up to her bare shoulder infront of my eyes. I sighed, unwrapping myself from her as I sit up. I pull on a loose shirt as I check my phone, nodding in satisfaction when I see the text I was expecting.

Hyung: They're at Gastown.

I pull on a jacket and had my right foot out the bedroom door, but when I heard some shuffling I turned my head back, staring at the woman underneath the covers. With the dim lights illuminating her face slightly, I sigh out in relief when I see she's asleep.

I drive past the familiar lights, LED signs, dark tunnel lit up poorly with small light bulbs. I was going well over the speed limit but I didn't care anymore. If this gets me killed then so be it.

I turned to the right, heading into a covered corner with a blue tarp draped over it. I opened the door and climbed out of the car yanking it off to reveal a hidden passage. I looked behind me, making sure no one was following me as I got in the car again and drove in.

I pulled up against the stone wall that had metal railings on the side. I remember Eunhyuk slamming my head against one because I forgot to take one of his rival's beloved car.

I looked up and grabbed the edge of the stone wall above me, pulling myself forward as my feet had trouble finding a stepping stone to leverage myself. I exhaled against the wall as dust started to spew in my face.

I pushed myself up the ledge and patted myself clean, watching the onlookers as they immediately stood up, asking me who I was.

I walked past them as my Oxford shoes clicked softly on the concrete.

A guy had his gun out and immediately pressed it against my throat. I smacked it away and elbowed his temple, walking to the suited men at the gambling table.

The entire room stood up, drawing their guns but I never broke my stare at the guy with blonde hair, hating that colour since my days back here.

"Something wrong, Kim?" He said, placing his cards in the middle of the table.

"Help me kill Eunhyuk." I said bluntly.

"And why would I wanna do that." He said, crossing his legs while throwing a poker chip in the air and catching it.

"Jonghyun. . . both of you want to be chairman and with Uncle Lee Soo's health declining, the election is not far."

"Eunhyuk sent you many times to kill me, to sabotage my fucking jobs. What makes you think I can trust you?" Jonghyun shifted in his seat and I knew his hand was on his switchblade.

"I could've killed you right now. But I haven't."

"Huh." He said, picking up a bottle of beer and sipping on it like a dick.

"We were allies, brothers. I was a red pole leader. Does it ring a bell, big guy?"

"Our past has nothing to do with the both of us right here right now. Answer me, what makes you think I can trust a douche like you?"

" I wouldn't come to see you if my ass is on the line, I'm open contract for fuck sakes. I have a million dollar bounty on my head right now as we speak."

He starts laughing hysterically. "I'd make myself a million dollar richer right now."

I smirked, swallowing the lump of saliva in my throat.

He scoffed.

I dragged my foot along the wooden plank. "My kill count is up to the hundreds. I can add a few more here." I said as I broke the silence. He stared at me, eyes wondering places as he shut his jaw shut.

"I heard he messed with your girl. Tiffany, was it?" He said, sipping on his drink obnoxiously.

I nodded, correcting him as I called her Stephanie. I liked her name like that, it's so pure to me. Every time someone calls her Tiffany I can't help but think of the bad things. Nick called her Tiffany. So id Eunhyuk. "He tried to."

"You got backup?"

"Yeah, old connections. We got our safely till we drove Eunhyuk out of the city. He doesn't know where I am and I don't know where he is. The guys operating somewhere else."

He didn't say anything and let the murmurs of his guys echo in the shitty tunnel.

"Look, I'll tell you everything you need to know about him, from his jobs, to his dealers, suppliers and the colour of his underwear."

Jonghyun snorted and gave me a crooked smile. "Mother always told me to never talk to strangers."

Fuck this guy.

"This stranger remembers the day you robbed a woman in front of her 2 kids at the age of 17. Who was the one hid you away from the cops? Who was the one who took a beating for you from your triad? Who was the one who walked on foot for hours to deliver a damn lunch to your mom because you were too pussy to face her? This stranger." I said, pointing to myself.

"What do you want?" He growled.

"No trouble, just for us to work together again. For now."

"No, what do you want." He pressed again.

"Freedom." I said, holding my head up high.

"That's it?" He questioned with so much disbelief in his eyes.

I nodded, turning my head slightly to just see even more of his goons gathering around me with a gun in their hands. I'm either going to walk out here without a scratch or many many many many many bullet holes.

"How do you know I won't just kill her myself, and you?"

I let out a grunt. "You wouldn't touch my girl. Because I saved yours."

He grips the plastic chips in his hand, looking away at his wrist. "She lived."

"Barely."

"She still fucking lived."

"She wouldn't have without me. You remember, down in the deep dark cold waters of Aberdeen Bridge where no one could've reached her." I said in a hushed voice. I felt myself getting more electrified than I should have been.

He unsheathed the blade on his felt and in an instant had me bent down on the table with the knife pressed up against my throat. I smiled at him sweetly, loving how I can push so many buttons on so many people.

"Shut the fuck up. You don't know how powerful I am, you don't realize how much I've gained since you were gone." Jonghyun growled in my ear. I felt his hot breath spread against the side of my head.

"I wouldn't have gone to you if I realized that you fucking mutt. I need to kill him, I don't want to come back. I want absolutely nothing to do with this fucking triad."

"Fuck you. I'm not helping you."

"I saved your fucking sister, I was the one who got you where you are in this place now. I treated you like my brother and I ask for a favour and you can't even do that for me? I left you alone for years. Wake the fuck up Jonghyun, stop putting on this bullshit, acting like some tough mobster. I come as a friend, a brother."

"You left me alone! You left me alone here in this fucking place without taking me with you! Where the fuck were you Taeng?" He pulled the blade away from my throat and punched me square in the nose. I didn't expect that. My head was knocked back a good bit and I cupped my face, wiping off the blood streaming out of my nose.

I sat on the table and glared at him. "Fuck, didn't know you had a serious punch. The fuck were you doing while I was gone? You've been working out? Protein powder? Milk? Steroids?"

"Taeyeon, stop the jokes. Where the fuck have you been? Why did you leave? Why didn't you take me with you, why didn't you say anything?" He said, throwing the blade on the table and sitting back down on his hair. He gestured for the entire room to do the same and they returned to doing what they were doing.

The loud chattering, bottles clinking and the smell of wood burning resumed.

"I went back to Korea for a bit, I just left when Uncle Lee gave me the okay. I didn't have time Jonghyun, I had to leave."

His eyes narrowed at me and he squinted. "You didn't answer my other questions."

"Well you have a lot of fucking questions, I can't remember them all you dick. Sheesh." I said, grabbing the pocket square in his suit jacket.

"Gosh." I muttered out, throwing the bloodied cloth back at him. "Man, the only reason I didn't take you with me was because if you went along with me it would've been dangerous, plus I didn't want to get you killed."

"Taeng, I wanted to leave with you so bad. I wanted out too but look what happened. I turned into a red pole, I can't get out." He said, looking at me with such bitterness and at the same time with resentment.

I feel like shit now. I didn't think I'd come back to the guy I took under my wing. We were such brothers, best friends. Then I left and I didn't tell him. He has every right to hate me. Every right to not help me.

"Sorry." Was all that I could manage to say.

He got up and slammed the table, pushing me on the shoulder before slapping me on the face. I snapped my head back, about to bark at him for beating me silly.

He raised his other hand, wanting to meet my skin with the back of his hand but I grabbed it centimeters before it hit.

"I always asked Mrs. Choi how you were. I didn't forget about you. I can't forget the scrawny fucking boy who dragged me out of that cargo container before it exploded."

"Why didn't you just. . . say something to me?"

"I don't know. I guess I was just afraid."

"Don't tell me that bullshit. The Kim Taeyeon afraid? Get out of here."

"You miss me a lot, come on lets be real."I said with a smug smile. Jonghyun's back.

"Didn't miss your ugly face though." He said,finally cracking smile. I smacked his shoulder and turned around. I took the bottle of beer from his chair and downed it, throwing the bottle somewhere in the corner.

"I have a plan." I proposed.

He held his hand up, stopping me from even continuing. "You're going to kill him. You fucking psychopath. Lets do it." He muttered.

"That, is my plan." I said, smiling while I pulled out a cigar from my jacket, lighting it up and handing it to him.

"We kill him."


	17. Lonely Night

Stephanie Hwang

I couldn't cry anymore. All I felt was numbness and my heart pounding. I went through this before, but it hurt more than last time. It hurt more than being hit, than being dragged across the room or shouted at. It hurt more because it was someone who I truly loved and who I placed my fragile heart in their hands.

I had no idea where he went, he just left. Will he even come back? I told myself that he will, that he'll never leave me.

I grasp the bed sheets, waiting for that same person to fill that empty spot, to be there breathing the same air in the same room as me. We would be laying on the bed together wrapped around each other laughing at nonsense as we usually do slowly drifting off to sleep as we tease each other.

I heard the door open and I glanced up, squeezing my hand when it wasn't the person I wanted to see.

"Oh, Stephanie. What happened?" Heechul said, kneeling beside me with concerning eyes scanning over me. Then I realized he had Prince in his arms. I reached out to rub his head and he squirmed out of Heechul's hold, laying beside me as he whimpered and looked at me.

It's like Prince knew.

"T-Tae. He left." I managed to sob out, holding onto the pillow in my lap as I held it to contain myself from exploding.

His eyes shifted into a pitiful look. I didn't want his special treatment, I didn't want anyone to pity me.

I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand and sniffled. I gulped down the lump in my theist and cleared it, trying to make myself presentable at the very least.

"He cheated on me. He kissed fucking Juniel. Your idiot of a dongsaeng told me he loved me then went to grope that girl."

"I feel like a joke. You told me right before we had our fight to think about the relationship. You weren't even sure if we were going to last, and you were right." I said bitterly, smiling at how in that very moment I wasn't sure if I loved Tae. But I did.

Heechul ran his hand through his hair, sitting beside me while crossing his legs. "That fucking punk." He muttered.

"Remember what I told you? To leave when it got too bad because I won't blame you. No one will blame you. Fany-ah. You can leave." Heechul said, rubbing my back.

It got bad so many times, but I never left. But now, I'm not so sure.

"Where is he?" I managed to say.

"I don't know, but you can't leave the house. As much as it hurts I can't. We can't. It's for your own safety." He replied with a sympathetic tone in his voice.

"I wish I never got into this mess. I wouldn't have had to been kidnapped, locker in a house full of guns and heartbroken." I muttered, speaking my mind out loud. Heechul just nodded and played with the laces of his shoe.

I glanced at the door and saw my familiar pink suitcase. He brought my clothes as if I was going to live here. But I'm not, I want to go.

But where the fuck is he? He can't just walk out of me like that and leave me here. I was in his stupid house, this stupid safe house in the middle of nowhere.

Please comeback.

The next couple of days were the same. Waking up with swollen eyes, and then crying even more when I saw that he hadn't come home. I'd stay in bed the entire day crying violently or just shedding tears quietly thinking what went wrong. The only time I got up was the feed Prince and to pick him up and cuddle with him. My nightmares came back again, and instead of Nick usually being in those dreams it was Tae. My fear of seeing him doing those horrible actions to me haunted me. I know he wouldn't do that but when he grabbed me it wasn't right.

I think I went crazy counting down the hours, minutes, and seconds waiting for him to come up. A part of me was angry at him, another part was worried, and big chunk of it was missing him. I was doubting my choices as the days grew longer. Maybe he wasn't right for me, or I wasn't right for him. I thought we clicked like a jigsaw puzzle, but maybe the pieces were rotated in a way that it could fit for a while till you realize it's upside down and that it doesn't belong there. Maybe that was us.

I still love him, and care for him. I was the broken one, he wasn't.

I was drained of energy by the time the 8th day rolled along. I wasn't getting any better, I was still cooped up in my room awaiting his arrival. It got the point where I thought I was being stupid to even think a man like him will come back. He wasn't coming back, I hoped he did but to be realistic he wasn't coming home.

Heechul and Kris checked up on me periodically to keep me company. But I didn't want to do anything but lay in bed or cry. I felt bad for them because they were just wasting their time, but they stayed nonetheless.

I had no appetite when I woke up, it diminished at the sight of the emptiness beside me. Every night I'd hug his pillow to sleep catching a whiff of is disappearing scent hoping he'd be right there in his spot of the bed in the morning. There were times I cried harshly, and times where tears just rolled down my cheek like ever flowing rivers. The silent quiet ones where you lay in the bed and let emotions overtake you because you can't do anything to change the outcome, those were the ones that hurt so much.

I clutched hard onto the handkerchief he gave me when he protected me. Touching the threaded letters 'T.Y'

I need to go. I need to leave this place. We're over now, so why am I still in house. Why do I still have his cloth, why am I still involved in his shit. With breaking up means to leave everything behind, and I'm not doing that by staying here. I need to go.

But I can't. I need my closure. I want to talk. I want to see him one more time and maybe leave on good terms.

Taeyeon-ah. I'm hurting, you've said you wouldn't let anyone hurt me so where are you?

But just on cue I peered my head from my pillow listening to the sound of a door click open. I didn't think much of it because by now any thoughts of Tae coming back were already fantasies that I dreamt of everyday. It was settling in that I should just move on and forget about him.

I thought I was hearing and seeing things when I saw the familiar figure standing at the door. He smelt like alcohol as the door swung open and wafted the scent to me as his hands were dripping with blood. He looked like a mess and his clothes were tattered. He didn't change from the last night I saw him.

Nothing was spoken, no movement was made. We just looked at each other.

"Taeyeon." I manage to croak out despite my drowsiness and pounding head.

"Why? Why'd you accuse me. I'd never do something like that to you." He asks stepping inside the room.

At this point I was afraid of him. He looks like a murderous monster coming straight out of a horror movie.

"I accused you because it was the truth Tae. You cheated on me. You did something to another girl you're supposed to do with me, and me only. It hurts to even think about you being with another woman."

"Why would you fucking say that to me even though you know how much you mean to me!" He shouts and makes his way to the bed, I scootch back hitting my head on the beds head frame.

"Taeyeon-ah, please don't."

His eyes soften as I say that. He sits on the edge with his back facing me and he puts his head in his cupped hands and runs his hair through it.

What I'm about to say is going to hurt both of us. But I've given an explanation to myself as to why I'd do it - because I can not let myself suffer again just like how I was months ago.

"I've been thinking about it, I think we should really end it. I need to leave this house, away from you." He sits up straight looking at our reflection in the mirror and cuts me off.

"No, Fany-ah, don't leave me. You can't leave me please don't." He begs, his brows knitting.

"Tae, it's not th-"

"Don't say it. Whatever you do, don't say it. Please just listen to me, trust in me and just don't leave me." He pleads and I see himself clasping his hands tight and squeezing them out of angst.

"Be patient, give me more time. Everything will be okay, I-I'll fix it, I'll fix us. Please, Fany-ah." He said, reaching out for my hand timidly.

I moved my hand away and stepped back, looking up at the once tall towering man to see him slouched and as lost as can be. "More time for what? You left for a week and I couldn't get to you. I thought you ran away. We needed to talk, and by talk I meant with reasons not us crying and shouting at each other."

"N-No, I needed to do something. I promise you everything will be okay. Just wait with me? Don't go?"

"You keep making promises but you don't keep them Taeyeon-ah." I said as nicely as I could. I hated seeing him look so distressed, angsty and clueless.

That wasn't the Taetae I knew.

"I said we need to break up. Yes, all of us will be left here tonight. I have to go and this can be our closure."

"Why do we always fight about literally everything? From the time we met, we argue, we cry and we. . . its not good. It's so hard to be together." He says.

"This is part of the reason Taeng, I also don't remember the good times I've spent with you. All I've seen was just anger, tears and everything but happy between us. A couple is supposed to go through that honeymoon stage and quite frankly, we didn't. We went straight to fighting."

"I don't remember how we came to be. I don't know why you liked me, why you came to me and then loved me. We're not normal Tae. We didn't go through that awkward friend stage, we didn't really go on nice dates. Damn it Tae, I got taken away and out into a shack where I almost got beaten. Then you kept telling me you loved me and how you wanted me to say it back to you and I-I just can't Tae."

"Were forced into a relationship. We took nothing slow, we were just there together at same place and it was just convenient for us to be together at the time being." I trailed off. I raised my head slightly and saw that he was staring right at me with his brows raised but his tender eyes looked like he was dying on the inside.

"Why do you act like we never had history together? Do you remember anything we did Fany-ah? The times we smiled, laughed and loved?" He replied, looking more angsty.

"I told you and you told me. We've had bad horrific memories than good ones."

"Do you still care?" He asks, twisting his thumbs as he let out a sigh.

Oh Tae.

"I still care, but I've given up. You running away made me realize nothing is permanent. It made me rethink us, as a whole. It made me think that what if I forgave you at this very moment, would you do the same in the future? Because I know I can barely take it now and if it happens along the road, I'm sure I can't survive." As soon as I stopped talking he swallowed the lump in his throat. We stood there awkwardly. We didn't say anything. He didn't reach out for me and I didn't either.

He turns around and busies himself with literally nothing. I looked at his once strong taut back become so slouched, frail and tired. Like the weight on his shoulder increased by a tenfold.

I took a deep breath and reheated the like over and over again ninny head. I need to do this I combined myself. "I, I think we should end it here. We're done." I say to him with his back faced away from me.

"No, no, no you can't leave me. We both made a promise." The sudden change of the quiet voice strikes a string in my heart.

"No Tae, I can't do this. It hurts to love you, and I'm afraid of you now. I'm scared around you. I don't know what you'll do to me next, you're unpredictable. I was wrong to think I could change you."

He turns to me and I see his horrid face up close. Scratch marks on his cheeks a gouge on his upper eyebrow, and his eyes were dropping and defining those eye bags. He had a scruffy 5 o' clock shadow, and the mark on his neck was visible.

"You did change me for the better. I've become better than I was 3 months ago, everyone sees it. Stephanie, please don't go. I need you in my life, I depend on you."

I get up from the bed still afraid of his potential anger.

"Fucking stop walking away from me and tell me something, anything. I hate this so much, being away from you for even a week makes me want to knock myself out. Please just fucking answer me or don't go." He growls, clenching the sheets in his hands.

I stay silent, with my back faced away from him listening to his words as I let them register in my chaotic mind.

"Please don't. Don't do this, don't turn a cold shoulder towards me. It hurts, I can't take it. My heart can't take it. I'm only one man, I can only take so much. Stephanie please." He said with a voice crack. I wasn't so use to him being so soft, quiet and scared.

My full name sounds so wrong coming from his mouth, and my hearth shakes in its cage.

"I'm sorry Miyoung, it's was my fault. It was my fault. It was my fault."

The silence is too much, but I couldn't push myself to say even a word.

This pushed him over the edge because he slammed his fist on the night table, enough to chip off the corner and cut the side of his hand. "What the fuck do you want! Tell me what you want!" He roars, it made me flinch but I still kept silent.

I don't know what I want Taeyeon-ah, I don't know.

"I should go." I manage to whisper out, but he hears it and gets up at the sound of it

"Stephanie Young Hwang, don't you dare fucking leave me. You can't I won't let you! What do you want? Tell me right now! I'll give it to you everything and anything just don't you dare place a foot out my door." He continues to watch me, unmoved from the edge of the bed.

Tears well up in my eyes again for the umpteenth time. I grab my suitcase from the closet shoving everything in it wanting to leave as quickly as possible. He stops me by placing a hand on mine and throws the suitcase off the stand letting clothes fly everywhere.

"Is this what you want?!" He asks me firmly as I shake in his grasp. I'm afraid of him, I don't know if he'll lay a hand on me or spew out vicious mind cutting words that seem to never be forgotten.

"Y-yes." He searches my eyes for the longest time and I struggled to look back. When he found out through my eyes that I wasn't joking and what I said was true, he lets me go.

He watches me as I fill my suitcase again, I grab my belongings one by one as he stares. It was hard to even see with my mind fogged up and my tears blurring my vision. I could just leave everything here run away. But I didn't have the guts to.

"You promised Fany-ah! You promised, we promised!" He shouts, turning around to punch a wall or something. I hated how at that very moment my tears started to well up in my eyes. I hated how much of an emotional cry baby I was.

But a part of me told me to stay and to forgive him. But then the crumbling heart was a enough proof that a scar that was reopened couldn't be shut by anyone. Time was what healed it.

"Are you done?" He asks quietly. Nothing was scary about his tone, but just the tenderness I was greeted by every day before he left.

I couldn't even take a step into the closet before he wraps his arms around my waist. My whole body freezes and I couldn't react normally to his touch. I squirmed, I fidgeted and j even hit back at him. He lets me hit him but he never let go of me.

"Stephanie, if you're going for real, please stay one night with me." He mumbles against my head and I can feel his arm tightening around me.

"Taeyeon I can't do that, I need to go." I look up into the reflection of the mirror and here he is, standing behind me looking right into our reflection and into my eyes. His glossy eyes and broken smile wasn't the normal I've been so used to seeing. He's hurting so bad.

"Please? One last time as your lover? Just this night that I want to be with you." The brushes on my hand where I grasped his arms around my waist felt like a electricity that just shocked me and held me awake.

"No. Tae, it's hurting me. I need to stop this."

"Can't you just pretend that none of this ever happened and let me be at peace just for one night? I want to be with you as your man, for one last night. Just stay with me for my last time before you really say goodbye?" His quivering voice and the way he sinks his head deeper into the crook of my neck as he back hugged me had me falling deeper in the mess of a hole I was in with him.

He starts to get on both of his knees. He pleaded through his eyes and he held my hand gently while looking up at me.

"Please." He whispered. My heart just literally exploded at the sight. He's always been so strong and prideful. He never backed down from a fight and has always been trekking on no matter what happens. To see him look so lost and desperate surprised me because he's not the type to show that weak side of him. I know it's bad when Tae does this, because I know he cares. He's fighting but he's barely hanging on.

I grab his hands and pull him up but he didn't move at all. He stayed at the floor on his knees begging for me to not leave him. He repeated it over and over again. When he let a quiet whimper escape as I pulled away from his hand is when I knew I had enough.

I hate succumbing to him. I deserve to be happy, and happy isn't at all like this.

I gave in and nod silently and he guides me to the bed, I lay down before he follows and spoons me. He brings the covers over us before wrapping himself around me tightly.

"Everything that we had is going to be gone. What we had was something and I don't want to think that in moments past it's going to be nothing. We're going to strangers again. Strangers but with memories." I hummed at the sound of his cracked voice. I didn't say anything but I let him talk.

"I love you." I couldn't bring myself to say those three words back at him. He shuffles against the covers and kisses the back of my neck.

At first I couldn't make out why there was an occasional wet spot I felt on the back of my neck that slow led trickled down. But I realized it was Tae, he was tearing up or possibly crying. Three, I counted. Only three tears. It could've been more but the rustling of sheets behind me and the occasional sniffle was him trying hard to cover it up.

I wanted to turn around and hug him for the week we've been apart from each other, but I'm still afraid of seeing his face. I can't recognize him, he's slowly inching his was to Nick's persona. It's like I don't even know him anymore.

But every now and then he tucks the loose strands that happen to repeatedly fall in front of my face and squeezes my hand that he held close to my stomach. That was the Tae I knew. This was the Tae I fell in love with.

When his breathing finally was steady, I turned around to see the softly lit face that I loved to wake up to. Except it was bruised, scared, beaten up and showed the anger, frustration and angst all over it. It changed, and this time he didn't sleep with an angry expression, he slept with a peaceful fun; a content one.

My hands are slightly shaking when I brought it up to his face, I grazes my fingertips slightly on his cheeks and I could feel the warmness on his face. I traced the little knick above his eye down to caress the cut on his cheek. I felt my heart being tugged at with every stroke, I wanted to kiss him so bad.

I kissed him once on his lips before laying on the very edge of the bed away from him and slept with him as far away from me as possible. But he was so close to me yet I wanted to be as far away from him as possible. I kept being pulled towards him like its fate but no, this can't happen again.

I tried my best to keep quiet when I woke up. Pulling the covers off of me and slipping into the bathroom as cautiously as I could was nearly impossible. I didn't want to wake him up because I knew it would cause a fight or another heart wrenching confession.

My footsteps were pretty quiet and when I opened the door it creaked loud enough for Tae to wake up and groggily step towards me.

"Fany-ah, what are you doing?" The tired look on his face just makes me want to hold him and nurture him back to health.

"Taetae, I'm leaving."

"Miyoungie." He reaches out for my hand but I pull away quickly, stepping back.

Don't call me that Taetae. It seems like every time you do I just, obey. I hate it coming out of your lips because I used to love it.

"I just can't bring myself to stay. I want to Tae. But I just can't, I don't want a repeat of the past." I mumble towards the ground because if I looked at him I knew I'd break down.

I walked past him quickly not wanting to hear his answer to my goodbye. I carried my suitcases with me but maybe I was being emotional, I guess my heart finally took its toll and I froze in my spot. I sat in the hallway letting tears stream down my face but I didn't cry out loud. It was the bad tears, the silent ones. He watches from a far still frozen in his place watching me slide down from the wall sitting on the floor with my belongings.

"I'd rather die than see you step out of this house." His low raspy voice still cuts deep in me, and I don't want to leave.

He sits down on the opposite wall in front of me crossing his legs.

"I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it up to you, I don't know how to be a good lover. I've said what I had to say everyday I was with you, from I love you, to your beautiful, I'll protect you, and goodnight. I'd never thought I had to say goodbye to you." He says and then he let out a quiet 'fuck.'

I wipe my tears off and turn towards him.

"I can't lose you, I don't want you to leave me." He says softly, and I see the gentle look in his eyes and the tears in them as the light from the bedroom hits the pair.

"I'm sorry." Was all I could muster out. He shook his head.

"You're really leaving, I never thought I'd live to see this day. But maybe karma has things stored for me. I deserve it." He smiles bitterly and I see him trying to hold back anything that he's got inside him.

"I guess all this time I'm pushy, forceful, possessive and always so damn angry towards you. I'm sorry for that. My nature seems to be, unfixable." He says, letting out a deep sigh. He sounds tired, tired of everything.

I've never seen him cry, and if I did it would probably be something involving his mother, but never in a million years I would think it would be because of me. I believe what he said because of it, and the sincerity in the soft voice.

"I won't stop you if you leave. I know it's for the best and I won't imprison you in my toxicity." He broke the silence by saying that softly.

Hearing those last words, I begged myself to stay. But I got up and dragged my heavy heart and belongings to the door as he watches still sitting down.

"You're really leaving Steph, you really are." He whispered to himself but his small mumble echoed in the hall and I broke a bit when I heard it.

"For 90 days, I told you that I'd prove my love to you, to make you fall in love with me. Enough to make you marry me. Remember?" He walks slowly towards me pulling out 8 of those wrapped coins and places it in the palm of my hand.

"But maybe I failed. I don't blame anything that happened on you. It was me, all me." He sighs and his hand runs through his hair and raked it harshly.

"I'll wait for you. I'll wait till you come back to me, I will not be sad. I'll smile instead and wait for you to return to me. I'll be waiting even if it may take months, years, decades. I'll be here Stephanie, so please. I can't stop you from leaving because we both deserve to be happy, and you're not with and frankly that's okay, you've taught me this." He kept shaking when he spoke and I looked away. I tore my gaze from his and I felt his voice become more desperate when I did.

"Come back okay? Or don't. You don't have to. But I will be waiting." After that he walks back and slowly shuts the bedroom door leaving me alone with my belongings.

I stop at his actions and words. I forgot about the proposal he made for us. I look down at my bag and see the tin box I've stored all the coins at. I don't even know why I wanted to take those with me. There were 53 coins neatly wrapped in blue paper. Now we'll add another 8. We were a month and a half in and I think it ends here. My thoughts of marrying him rapidly changed throughout those few weeks. I poked at the thought a couple of times. We were halfway there anyways, but I still didn't have a definite answer if it did reach that far.

I don't look back as I open the door and walk down the path. I descended down the hill and made a left with all my belongings in one hand and the other on Prince's leash. There was another 6 minutes of walking till I saw a damn road. If I'm lucky I'll hail a taxi.

Or walk home. K don't even know where I was but I wanted to go. I wanted to be free. Yet the feeling of Tae still lingers inside me.

Please move on Taetae?

Be good for me, okay?

Goodbye Taeyeon-ah, thank you.


	18. Fool (Pt 1)

Stephanie Hwang

"Fany-ah." I heard her call out. I let go of my luggage and ran to her open arms, grasping her shirt as tightly as I could.

"Shh, it'll be okay." She cooed, rubbing my back.

"He cheated on me, h-he cheated on me and then left. I thought I'd never see him again but I did." I sobbed into her shoulder as I felt her arms tighten around me.

"Fany-ah, he's not worth it. You will be okay, it's going to be okay." I let those words linger as I let myself go on Sooyoungs shoulder.

She was always there for me, from the start of my crushes to the downfall of my relationships. She was there.

But a month later, or was it two? I lost count. I was okay. I held on for a moment and I was doing fine. It wasn't like the last time. I was okay.

I still thought of him yes, but being away from him was doing me good. I felt myself slowly pulling away from him, it was because I didn't depend on him. It was much easier to let go.

I've seen the magazines, I've seen the gossip websites. He was partying, drinking, smoking, hanging out with many different girls each night. It was normal for him, at least. He's returned back to his old self, I guess. I didn't mind. Strangely enough. It was because he was no longer mine. I can't call him mine.

I missed him truthfully. But not as much as I did before.

"I'm home my baby puppy."

"Hi."

"Give me a kiss." Sooyoung said, trekking over to me while making smooch faces.

"Go away." I said, pushing her face away from me, cowering beneath her couch cushions.

"Fine. Fine, but let's go get ice cream puppy Hwang."

"I'm not a dog."

"You're my puppy and I need to take care of you because I love you so much." She cooed, pulling me up and linking her arms with me.

"You're so stupid tall. Giraffe." I whined, tip toeing just to reach her height; it wasn't working.

She giggled as she patted my head, "You're so stupid small, puppy."

"Sooyoung-ah." I whined.

"Save it tiny bean. We're going out. Get dressed."

I listened to her like an obedient puppy. I'd just like to say I hated shopping with her. Only because it was mainly shopping for house decorations, be it carpets, paintings or even food related plushy animals. I sat down on the bench watching Sooyoung pick out horrible looking sofa cushions.

I had my ice cream in hand, licking away at it as I nodded at every single ugly looking cushion print she held up for me to decide on.

"You're not helpful."

"They're ugly okay? You asked for my opinion and here it is." I replied, smacking my lips as I wiped the corners of my lips with a napkin.

"Loser."

"Your favourite loser." I corrected. She rolled her eyes and put down the floral print pillow back as we exited the store. I was so freaking happy we left.

"Wait, I wanna go here." She said, pulling me to a halt and I glanced up to see a toy store. My eyes immediately locked onto a monkey plushy on display. My insides began to spin around as it was the same exact one as George; the monkey stuffed animal Taeyeon gave me.

I silently followed her around, but for some reason my own feet brought me over to to the corner of that store, looking at the massive shelf that housed so many versions of George the monkey. I picked one up and squeezed it, hugged it in my arms and even smushed my face into it.

It wasn't the same. It didn't feel the same, it didn't smell the same. It wasn't Tae.

"Do you want one?" Sooyoung suddenly asked out of the blue which made me jump. I looked up to her and shook my head, quietly putting it back on the shelf.

She hummed and went to another section of the store, opting out to buy a french fry cushion looking thing. We silently left the store and I guess she picked up on my gloominess because she kept nudging my arm.

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me Fany-ah, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, you're all blue."

"I'd rather be pink."

"Fany-ah."

"Nothings wrong, you just bought a really ugly couch cushion."

She deadpanned and stopped me in front of the busy intersection of the mall. I scolded her for doing such thing, saying how it inconvenience people.

"It's about him isn't it?"

"No. . ." She glared at me like my mother would. Honestly, she's like my guardian at this point, just like my older sister. ". . .Yes." I said quietly.

"Let the douche go okay? All he's done was cause but shit, what was the one beneficial thing he did for you? List at least 5 and maybe I won't go and smack him in the head."

Well, he's selfless. . . he's gentle with me. . . he cares. . . he's thoughtful. . . he's the one I still love.

"You can't even list one?!" She cut my thoughts with her unsatisfied question to me.

"Sooyoungie. . ." I whined, tugging at her hand. She shook her head and we just quietly went back to the underground parking back to her car. I know she was mad at me, because if it was the other way around I'd be too.

The shadow of a large figure was cast on he ground just behind a concrete pillar. I thought it looked like a lump but nonetheless walked around it. Suddenly a man jumped out and yanked me by the arm, trying to drag me away. Sooyoung's eyes widened and held onto my tightly, pulling me back as she screamed for help.

I tried to kick the man and when it seemed like hours and hours of endless torture it stopped. Some security guy tackled him to the ground as I was left screaming and terrified. I latched myself to Sooyoung when I regained my senses, holding onto her like she was my lifeline.

"Taeyeon killed my wife! You will rot in hell for this! You hear me?! In hell you bitch!" The guy spat, thrashing around in the security men's hold.

I was shaking so bad. Sooyoung's pats on my back barely helped, I cried into her shoulder as I gripped her arm tightly. It could've left a bruise at the rate I was going at it.

I hated how this was tied to him. I hated how everything I do, or will do is going to turn out bad because of him. I'm not safe, nothing is safe. Everything is bad and horrible. My life has been flipped upside down and shook to the deep depths of it's core.

"That's it, Kim Taeyeon is dead to me. Give me your phone." I dug into my jacket pocket and gave it to her, hiding my face in her arm as I avoided the crowd of people around us.

I had no idea where we were going but when I was dragged out of the car by an angry Soo, I didn't know what to do. I recognized the office building as we approached it when we drove closer and closer to it. I freaked out in my seat, wanting to pull the gear shift into reverse and back the hell away from it as far as I could.

Into the elevator I went despite many protests and I stared at the gold plated name tag that read Kim Taeyeon and I wanted to do nothing but run away. I dreaded that name, I don't want to be apart of it.

"Sooyoung-ah, l-let's go." I said, tugging back at my tall friend but she kept trudging on without stopping.

"No, I'm breaking the guys fucking neck." when we approached closer to his office his secretary stood up, telling us that we can't be here without an appointment. Sooyoung walked by the secretary and pushed open the door, startling the man in the chair who immediately stood up.

"Is there something I can help you with?" He said in a low growl.

"Yes, yes you can." Sooyoung said, slamming her hands on his desk.

He cleared his threat and glanced at me. I quickly looked down and focused on the floor, listening to the voices in my head and the ones outside of it.

"Why the fuck was she jumped? Why did that guy scream out your name! Why does everything have to involve your scrawny ass because I won't hesitate to beat you, you disgusting vile human being."

Heechul also came storming in and pulled me behind his back. Oh, so that's who she called. I hid behind Sooyoung and held her arm, looking so lost and scared.

I felt like a teenage daughter of a flaming mad mother who wants to talk to the manager.

Heechul walked up to Tae and gave him a piercing slap on his face.

"Fuck you." He growled as he watched Taeyeon recover from the slap.

"You've caused so much shit Taeyeon, you think you can get away from this?" Sooyoung continued.

"Fix what you did, douchebag." Heechul added on. Taeyeon wiped the corner of his mouth with his thumb and angrily grabbed the edge of the desk.

"Do you even love her?"

"No." Taeyeon said rather uncomfortably quickly.He said it looking straight into my eyes without even blinking. It's like he made up his mind in a snap, or has been thinking about that for the longest time.

I held Sooyoungs arm tighter and staggered back just a bit.

Heechul punched him in the jaw and Sooyoung pulled me out of the office.

"Why can't you just let something nice happen to you for once! Why do you always have to fuck everything up!" I heard Heechul holler. I hid my face into Sooyoungs arm as she rubbed the back of my head.

"She almost fucking died, that guy had a knife! What next Taeyeon? what's fucking next! Fix it, fix all of it, let her live normally as if you never met her you piece of shit! I'm going to beat some sense into you." He continued.

The further we got their conversation dwindled out. I didn't want to hear anymore.

Sooyoung opened the door to her house and I immediately walked pat her, up the stairs and into the room where I locked it and immediately stepped inside the shower.

"Fany-ah, please talk to me."

"Are you mad at me for bringing you there? I'm sorry." No, I wasn't mad. I preferred if you didn't though Sooyoung-ah.

"I just couldn't yell at him before and I'm kind fa bitch and seeing you like this hurts me too. You're my best friend and I told you I'd rip a guys head off if they hurt you." I smiled, remembering the many times we both laid in bed with her ranting about my choice of guys and how she vowed to never let them walk ever again if they made me cry or something.

I heard her call me out multiple times, asking me if I was okay and that I should talk to her. There was nothing to talk about. I didn't need to talk about specifically him anymore. It's been a month, I can let him go, right?

I heard the soft knock on the house's a door a couple of times and I rolled out of bed, forgetting that Sooyoung had went out to go to her moms house for a night to sort something out. I was a little shaken up from the incident back at the mall but it wasn't too bad. I guess.

I tiptoed and saw through the peephole, my hand clenching in the doorknob as I saw the familiar outline of his jaw.

I opened the door and immediately pulled him in. He stood there, wet from top to bottom. The sound of the water dripping off his coat echoed i n the empty hall and I hated every single second that passed in silence. There was only one thing on my mind and I needed to know the answer to.

"Did you mean it? Taetae, did you mean it?" I whispered.

He looked away and I hit him on the chest, pushing him to a wall.

"Tell me. Tell me, Taeyeon tell me."

Please tell me you're lying. You've done so many things for me, you can't just say you don't in a week. You don't change your mind like that.

I took forever trying to figure out if I loved you or not. But you just said you didn't in a heartbeat. So many things went wrong Tae, but I know for me I didn't stop loving you the way I did.

He stays silent and clenches his jaw. I felt his hand and it wasn't sweaty, it wasn't fidgeting and I let out a small whimper. He wasn't lying.

"Y-You don't? T-Taeyeon-ah."

He looks away and I cupped his jaw and turned his face to look at me. I kept palming the side of his face like I've always done. I never wanted to let him go. I feel so, bad.

"Look at me Taetae." He shook his head. "Taetae. . ." I called once more.

He avoided me again and I buried my face into the crook of his neck, wrapping my arms around it as I inhaled deeply.

"I love you Taetae. You've wanted to hear me say it so badly before. . . and I-I feel that with you right now."

"Tae, this is so messed up. One moment we love the other moment we're borderline hating each other."

"Please, say something." I pleaded. He didn't reply. He let the wind create noise and I hated him so much for it.

We both slid down the wall and I ended up sitting on his lap, curling myself there as I cried into his chest.

I didn't fall asleep that night. I cried till sunrise. He didn't move from his spot on the floor and I didn't move from his lap. I still wanted his presence.

The night was quiet, silent and a bit too somber for my liking. The night I should be spending with someone I adore huddled in front of a fire place laughing, smiling and content. It wasn't supposed to be like this. I never imagined myself like this ever since Nick. It shouldn't be like this. It's so unfair to me.

I hated how his nature is him always being lonely, quiet, self kept and always reserved. That was him. He never told me how he felt, he preferred to do things alone. I hated that so much about him because every time I try to get him to talk, to go out, to take a picture or something it's like he's embarassed to be with me.

It's no wonder that our dates are usually at home, I feel like I'm just a toy he keeps sheltered and away from anybody else.

I hate that about him, about us.

When he tried to move away I wrapped myself tighter around him, whispering 'stop'.

"I need to go." He said.

"If you leave, you will never see me again." He pulled away from me and left me there staring at him from the floor. He opened the door and didn't say one word as he closed it behind him and left. He left. St that very moment I kept that promise to myself, for the sake of myself.

Another month went by and I was slowly trying to forget. Slowly, but surely.

But when another tragedy happens again and you start to wonder; why is this happening to me? Do I deserve all this?

I stared at the ceiling while listening to the sounds of the machines beeping and start to wonder how I even got here.

Right, car accident. Just my luck.

"What the fuck happened to her? Why wasn't anyone watching her?!" Tae's voice boomed outside my room and I covered my head with a pillow. I kind of froze when I heard the familiar rumbling voice.

It was also just my luck to see him so much after we broke it off.

I heard the door burst open and I peeped though the pillow just to see Taeyeon huffing and puffing.

I groaned in the pillow and covered my eyes, I didn't want to even deal with him anymore. I wonder how he knew where I was, what happened and how fast he got here.

"What the fuck Steph! Why didn't you tell me this happened? Do you know how fucking worried I was when the hospital called me?!"

"Please stop, you're disturbing the peace."

"Fuck your peace! Stephanie what the fuck is wrong with you?! You can't just worry me sick like that! Why didn't you tell me anything?!" He plucks the pillow off my face and throws it across the room.

Well he looks like a mess. He looks like a bum on the streets. I pity him, but I really don't want anything to do with him anymore.

"Why do you even care?" I blurt out. I faced the other way and looked at the fruit basket on the little table instead.

"W-What?" His quivering voice made me soften, I missed his voice. I missed him, when he bursted through that door there was a part of me that was relieved to even see him even when I thought I was deviating myself away from him. It all came crashing down and I was so frustrated with myself.

"Why do you care? We're done. Our lives don't matter to each other anymore."

You told me you didn't love me anymore, we also broke up. What more of an end do you want Taeyeon.

"Why are you saying that? We hav- we had something. That just doesn't fade away in an instant." He sits on the edge of my bed and sighs deeply. His hands were both bandaged but you could clearly see the blood staining the gauze a deep red.

"You got into a fucking car accident! Your leg is crippled! What have you been doing that involves you not even looking after yourself?!" Thinking about you Tae, I was thinking about you.

"I'm fine, it's just a car accident. It was late at night and the driver didn't see me when he made a turn okay? It's nothing, I'll be discharged from here in a day. This shouldn't concern you."

He shakes his head. "Your well-being concerns me."

"Why do you care again? Can you just leave? I really don't feel like doing this with you right now." I saw his fists ball up and the next thing I knew was him kicking over a chair.

"You were the one who wanted to take a break and leave me! You we're the one that left, I wasn't! Stop pushing me away!"

I stayed silent, watching his chest heave up and down with his eyes blood shot red.

"How can I not care about you?! I'm still so madly crazily in l-" He pauses and rephrased for a few seconds. I filled in that last word with love because what else could it be? But then again he looked at me straight in the eyes and said he didn't.

I couldn't accept it. There was such a lie behind it. "Y-You mean the world to me Stephanie, the world." His voice cracked at the end of his sentence and through the hospital lights on the ceiling, I saw the glint in his eyes. He was tearing up but I knew he was trying so hard not to let a single drop fall.

I'm lying to myself if I don't miss him. But I really can't do this again, I'm so scared of being left like I was a few months ago. This is so bad, I'm so insecure that I can't even imagine a relationship with Tae without pondering if he'll do me the same as Nick did.

"I don't feel the same." He hung his head low and bit his lip. He turned around while sticking his hands in his pocket. I could still see his face in the reflection of the big glass window.

I saw him nod his head a couple of times before leaning on the glass window.

"I miss you." He whispers so softly, enough to make me want to reply to my little gentle bear.

"I miss you too."

"I love you." I froze at that phrase. You said you didn't. Make up your mind, please. It's wrong to even long for the words to be said from him to me. He does? Or does he not. I can't tell anymore, it's so confusing.

I missed that, I missed him telling me that he loves me everyday. But I don't feel like I love him the same anymore.

It's fading, and I'm slowly getting over the guy that changed everything for me and gave me hope.

Silence, Tae and I's arch nemesis. Was it wrong I didn't reply to his 'I love you' because I didn't.

I turned away from him and slept on the other side, burying my face into the blanket as I cried. He was watching me I can feel him watching me as I sobbed in the damn blanket. At the same time I despised him for everything he's done, I wanted him to hold me. To console me, to tell me it's going to be okay even though it won't because everything has hit the fan.

I finally fell asleep when I felt my eyes droop close. I didn't even register the pain in my leg. The car accident didn't mean anything to me when he was here. I was busy trying to close up the wound and pain in my heart than to deal with my leg.

With swollen and wet eyes that were painted with my cries, I hugged my stuffed animal closer to me. Even that was a big part of Tae. The monkey was his. He gave it to me. And I loved every bit of that plush with all my heart.

"Fany-ah." He murmured, stroking my hair. "We can't stay here, we have to go." I blinked twice, moving my body only to be met with a cold numbing sensation in my lower leg. I looked around as dazed as I could ever be. I realized where I was, who I was with and why I was here.

"I'm not going anywhere with you." I said, getting up and pushing his hand away.

"Don't fight me on this." He mutters. I shook my head and reached for the bottle of water that was slightly out of my reach.

He handed it to me and sighed. I looked up at him as I took a sip of water. "I'm not going anywhere with you." I repeated.

He clenched his jaw and looked at the door. He pulled out my IV line and ripped the overs off me, turning around quickly to get his jacket. He tried to put it on for me but I resisted, I pushed him away and practically screamed. He kept trying to make me wear it but in the end I threw it across the room, using my hands to get him as far away from me as I could.

I pushed him away and grabbed anything I could to hit him with it, be it a water bottle or my phone. The fruit basket looked good to hit him with too.

"Stop it! Stop it Fany-ah!" He says, holding my hands tightly and away from him.

"No! Leave me alone! You're a liar! You lied to me!" I wailed, tiring myself out exponentially.

I hit the emergency button above my bed and he cursed, picking me up as he opened the door and raced down the hall.

I made a racket, I wanted to draw attention to us because I don't want to be with him anymore. I want nothing to do with Tae. I grabbed onto anything I could as we walked past the hallways. The walls, the poles, the vending machine and even that stupid plant in the corner. They were all victims of my frantic mauling.

I was sobbing by the time I was in his car. He had pulled the seatbelt across my body and clicked it in. I had scratched him, hit him and did everything I could possibly do to not leave.

When he got into the drivers seat I started slapping my hand on the windshield, knocking on it to get anyone attention. We were only in the car for another 10 minutes before I slumped back into my seat, gripping the seatbelt tightly in my palms as I sobbed.

I could just open the door and jump out of a moving car, but I didn't want to die. But how desperate was I? Enough to have my hand over above the door's handle.

I looked up when we came to a stop and I had wished I jumped out of the car sooner. We were back at his stupid safe house. The house that ended it all. It pains me.

The door car opened and I his face popped to the side of my vision. He had some worrisome eyes but I brushed it off. He was the last thing I wanted to see. His hand reached out to me and was going to unbuckle my seatbelt but I didn't let him. "Don't, touch me." I gritted through my teeth as I slapped his hand away. I was still hiccuping pretty badly. I looked so distressed, so pitiful.

"I'm just trying to help you." He dared to say. That made me so mad. I didn't want his help. I want him to leave me alone.

"By kidnapping me and taking me to this place to have my holed up in? I'm in pain. My leg hurts, I can't even walk. What if something happens? Wheres the nearest doctor? Oh right, we're fucking isolated from civilization so if I had a stroke I'd probably die in this stupid mansion in the middle of a forest because you're no doctor."

He stepped aside and I unbuckled my seatbelt, holding onto the open door as I carefully left the seat. Truth be told, I could barely stand. My leg was crippled and in pain. The other leg that was 'functioning' was numb, and felt like jello.

I took one step and before I knew it I almost fell to the ground. But of course, the mighty Tae was there to save me for all the bad. SuperTaeng my ass.

"Please don't refuse my help? You have to be here."

"Why! Why do I have to be here! and to be here with you! Can't you just leave me with Heechul or Kris?! Anyone but you!"

"I'd like to watch you myself."

"I'd rather you not!"

He sighs and picks me up suddenly bridal style which literally made m e scream and held onto him. I was too exhausted to scream and shout at him to put me down. I'm too tired to fight back.

I timidly looked up and I saw how pronounced his jaw was, how defined it was and how there was a big slash on it. A part of me wanted to touch it gently, to aid it back to health. But another part of me didn't care.

He brought me up to a guest room. I don't know why, but I thought he'd place me in his room. As soon as he laid me in bed I looked around the room and saw a duffel bag and my luggage. Prince's little fluffy bed was on the side and my monkey plush George was sitting on the nightstand to the left of me. I thought I left it in the hospital.

"W-Why are my things here?"

"They trashed your house. I took the necessities and put them in a bag. You'll be here for awhile till I sort things out."

"What do you mean they trashed my house? Who? Your stupid rivals?!"

"Yeah. The man behind that car, was one of them."

"Fuck you Tae." He shot me a look and it wasn't anything 'bad' but t was like a surprised look. Surprised that I'd swear at him so bluntly.

"This is all your fault. everything that happens to me just always has something to do with you. I'm stuck here, crippled and in so much fucking pain that I can't even walk by myself. I'm in a room with a cheater."

"Fany-ah. I'll fix it. Okay?"

"This is beyond repair, and you know that." But thanks for trying. I guess.

He nodded once and turned around to fiddle with something on the desk. I laid back in the fluffy bed and rested myself. All this crying, screaming and utter pain in my leg has gotten to me. I just want to sleep it away.

I drifted in and out of sleep but I woke up occasionally to see Tae walking around my room. The first time I opened my eyes I saw him on a ladder, screwing in a light bulb in the room's ceiling fixture. The second time I woke, I saw him sitting on a small wooden stool, neck deep with a screw driver in a heater or something. The third time I did, he had taken all of my clothes from my luggage and folded them neatly, placing them in drawers and closets. The last time I awakened, I saw him place a sandwich wrapped in cling wrap and a bottle of water on the desk. He placed a napkin beside it and wrote something on it before heading to the door. He turned around, scanning the room one last time and before he got to see me I shut my eyes quickly, making him believe I was still asleep.

The click of the door shuts and I open my eyes slowly. Every time I happened to open my eyes Taeyeon was there. He spent so much time in my room and it felt so weird.

I crawled out of bed slowly like the slowest snail on earth and reached for the sweater on the chair; barely.

I had to slowly let myself on the floor and inch my body up to the desk. My hand reaches up and kept patting the top of the desk, wanting nothing but the note. The sandwich did look tempting but it wasn't important.

I felt a soft cloth and I immodestly curled my fingers and grabbed it, quickly leaning against the desk as I eyed the neat handwriting.

Steph,

Please eat the sandwich I made you and drink some water. The remote is on the night table for the TV. Painkillers are also in that drawer. A reminder, every night I'll have to assist you in showering since it'll be nearly impossible for you to do it yourself, and I'll have to change your bandages daily. Ill be downstairs if you need me most likely, so don't hesitate to call me for help.

Taeyeon

Great. A shower with him, just what I need.

That night I avoided him like the plague, but I did eat the sandwich he made me.

I was sitting there on the bed staring at the blank screen of the TV because I couldn't figure out how to turn it on but I didn't want to call Tae, just because I didn't want to see him. Or deal with me, or interact with him.

Yeah.

I heard a couple knocks on the door and it opened, his head peered in and I snapped my head to his stupid face.

"Did you hear me say come in?"

He shook his head and looked a bit guilty. I felt kind of a bitch too. I didn't really want to be so rude to him but I couldn't help it.

"Let's get you cleaned up and ready for bed okay?"

"I'll do it myself."

"It's not up for debate, it'll be hard for you so just let me do it."

"No, I don't need you to invade my personal space more than you already have."

He went around my bed and pulled the covers off me and was reaching to pick me up but I kicked him in the crouch and he knelt down in pain.

"Don't touch me, don't get close to me. If you forgot, my other leg is perfectly fine."

He bit his lip and grabbed the sheets in his fists tightly. He stood up after a minute and I looked away.

"I'm going to sit here for the longest fucking time till you take a shower and change your bandages." He said through his teeth. I too a glance and I knew he was a little upset.

"I can take care of myself without you babying me. It'll be hard yes, but I can do it. Don't you remember? You were the one who dragged me here."

He sighed and his shoulders dropped. Admit defeat Tae, you can't win against me. "Why are you pushing me away?" He said.

"I don't want to be with you anymore. I just want nothing to do with you anymore. I want out, completely out."

"Miyoung."

"No, don't call me that. I don't want to see you. I want to leave, I want to go home."

"Is that what you want?" I nodded eagerly.

"Okay." He agreed without any protests. He got up and left. The rest of the night I didn't hear fro him even though I kind of prepared for him to storm in my room and drag me to the tub. But he didn't.

I went to shower myself which was indeed a hard thing to do. I had to lift myself off the bed and onto the floor. I looked like freaking zombie, crawling on the floor to get to places. But when I did end up into the bathroom I was far too weak to even sit up and try to haul myself over the ledge and into the tub. I ended up just opening the shower door and getting into it, sitting on the showers floor as I took the most steamiest shower while sitting there.

Even when I did successfully leave the shower with a clean body, I had to bandage myself up. I did the worlds worst wrapping job and just gave up. I pushed aside the medical kit and angrily hit my pillow out of frustration. I didn't sleep well that night.

It was another day of my continuous pain. I had already taken painkillers but by this point, it seemed like they were just white pills that did nothing.

I cried so much because of it, locking myself in the room avoiding him at all costs. But that never stopped him.

Nothing can stop that guy from involving him with me in everything.

"Leave me alone, don't touch me." I said, swatting his hand away as I heard a plate being broken.

"Fany." He grumbled, touching my arm gently.

"No, I hate you. Why do you have to involve me in this!"

"Fany." He said again.

"Stop caring! Just leave! Please, just leave!" I wailed, slapping his arm.

"I'm just trying to help you Fany-ah."

"I don't need your fucking help Tae! Why can't you understand that!"

"Why have you gotten so cold to me? Are you really that bitter towards me?" He says.

"Yes! Yes I really am!"

"Fany-ah." He pleaded once again, he body relaxing almost as a sign of defeat, or he was just giving up.

"Where is my phone? I want to leave I want Sooyoung, I want Heechul I want anyone but you."

"They know I have you here, just not where. I can't let you go for now."

"Why! You're keeping me against my will I don't want you here, I don't want your help!"

"If they come here, if anyone sees you with any of them they'll die. Fany-ah, I don't want to do this to you either bu-"

"You don't, you haven't talked to me for the past 2 fucking months and now you show up like you're some damned superhero trying to save me from the fucking world? We're not living in some make belief shit. I don't need your pity, I don't need a Prince charming trying to do me some good. Leave, me the fuck. Alone. I want nothing to do with you. Yo-you've hurt me so bad. I-I'm tired Taeyeon. I'm really fucking tired."

He doesn't say anything but reached down and picked up the shattered plate. He grabbed a towel and went down on his hands and feet, cleaning up the mess. Busied himself with anything but me.

He threw them in the trash and washed his hands. He looked up at me and we held our gazes for so long. I was throwing daggers at him with my eyes but he held a soft expression. He didn't return my glares back.

He looked nice, kind. I felt like I looked mean, and a little bit over the top.

"I just want to fix this, and this is the only way I can without hurting anyone else that's close to you. Sounds ridiculous, but if only I could tell you what I know then I'm sure you'll understand. You're a smart girl, a bright one." Bullshit. Don't tell me lies.

"Then tell me, because I'm running out of options."

"I can't." He said. I threw a book at him and practically dragged myself out of the room, tears in my eyes with frustration.

I locked myself in the room I hated the most, which was his. I don't know why, but I did. I leaned against the door, fearing that even if eh did manage to unlock it that maybe my body weight would stop the door from opening, shutting him out and letting me be. I was so stupid. I was such a fool.

"Let me go. I hate you." I muttered.


	19. Fool (Pt 2)

Stephanie Hwang

I walked to his night stand and pulled open all the drawers.

The photo of us wasn't there anymore and i had tears in my angry eyes as I scavenged through every nook and cranny of his room.

Drawers, tables, desks, underneath the bed everywhere.

I cried while doing it, sobbing so hard when it hit me.

The photo taken was the day I knew I loved him. The photo within the frame found on his nightstand was the day I confessed.

This day that I couldn't find those two things I adore so much was the day I knew it was so over.

I crawled onto his bed and laid on his side. For the days I haven't been close enough to him, I wanted to smell his scent.

But the pillows and blankets didn't have Tae all over it. It seemed like he never even slept here, in his room.

If anything it smelt like me more. I turned on my side and eyed the black phone on the table.

My hand instinctively reached over it and turned it on.

The lock screen didn't have our photo anymore, instead it was just a picture of the sea.

It had a passcode on it and I wondered if he changed it since it was cheekily my birthday. He told me it was easier to remember than his own which I don't understand, I think it was just an excuse to do that. I still smile at the thought of it.

It opened, to my surprise. The home screen was a picture of me, and only me. I dropped the phone back onto the bed and covered my face with a pillow.

God, why am I doing this.

I eventually went downstairs but it was so awkward after I stormed out. Is this what prison feels like, because I feel like I'm locked up in a room with a person who makes me want to vomit.

Someone who once made me laugh, smile now turned into a person I despise. Someone I don't stand for, a cheater.

I don't know how I can grow to dislike a person so quickly. Maybe it's because he was someone I love and him doing this is just so unexpected.

I felt his presence join me a few moments later. It made me clench my weak fist. I don't need help, I don't need his pity. I was fine alone, I can do it again.

"Miyoungie, please?" He said, placing a hand on my hand gently. He squeezed it ever so slightly and it hurts because I still want nothing to do with him.

"Why are you so pushy! Why do you keep helping me!" I shouted, pushing him away but I didn't realize the frame in his hand.

It fell and I widened my eyes, staring at the wooden frame with glass shattered everywhere.

Prince came over and sat beside it, laying down as he looked at me with sad eyes. He didn't wag his tail.

The open door from the balcony blew a gush of wind which flipped the piece of paper over. I realized that it was the same photo of us by the pier that I cherished so much; the one I was looking for. I thought he threw it away or something.

I spent forever looking for that photo and frame. It wasn't mine, but I loved it.

Just like before when I pushed him away and smashed the plate with the sandwich, refusing to eat, he knelt down once again to pick up the picture frame.

"T-Tae I-I didn't mean to."

"No, it's okay." He says as if it didn't phase him.

"Taetae, it's not okay. I'm so sorry."

"It was an accident. it's okay." And with that, we returned to a stalemate. During dinner I felt so incredibly bad for what I had done, I ate with him at the dinner table for the first time in forever.

I always looked up cautiously just to see what he was doing. He just ate and shoveled food at quickly as he could in his mouth like he wanted to get it over with.

I felt so guilty, but I didn't know what to say. I scraped the spoon on the bottom of the bowl, making some sounds to erase the quietness of the eerie room.

It was so stupid awkward and right in that spacious living room. I wanted to hide in a shell and just never come out.

"Sorry." I said. He looked up and hummed.

I stole a glance from the side to see if he reacted but he didn't. I had this feeling that we would be stretched out, or relationship so strained that it for further and further apart.

I excused myself from the table and was going to clean up the dishes but amidst Tae wiping his mouth clean with a napkin, he put a hand on mine and shook his head. "I'll do it. Go get ready for bed or something." Was all he said.

Which I complied. I did what he said probably out of guilt. It's not like I wanted to stir up another shouting match between us again.

I carefully went downstairs to get myself a glass of water a while later. Well, I kind of wanted to see if he was there. I was curious.

The open door that caught my eye beside the kitchen made we walk there as I followed the path of light.

I leaned against the doorway, holding onto the protruding door frame as I watched him slouched over on the desk, piecing together meticulously the wooden picture frame. On the side was that propped p picture of us at the pier.

I saw how he took such care with the wooden frame, applying a thin strip of glue on the edge before placing the other piece of wood on the side. It stuck together perfectly and he smiled as it did. He rose it towards the light and blew the dust off it.

He placed a new piece of glass over it and turned it around, slotting in the picture of us before sealing it up and propping it against the desk. He stared at it for what seemed like a long time and I didn't have the heart to interrupt him or to tell him to give us up.

He stroked the side of the frame and when I realized that his thumb was hovering over me, my heart clenched.

I leaned against the wall, grasping the material of my shirt as tightly as I could.

What we had was, special. It was something. It wasn't like a fairy tale like I had intended to be in the beginning, but it was something.

My heart still pounded as I struggled to stand up. I didn't want him to know I was here. I wanted this to be my own little secret.

I turned around and left quietly, careful not to make any sound as I tiptoed against the wooden floor. I tried to minimize the creaks of the floor but when a sudden shock of pain hit me in my leg I had to grab onto a nearby table.

I gently lowered myself on the floor as it was too much to even stand up straight. I kept patting my right leg, urging for it to wake up, to not fall asleep and to just carry me back to my room at least. I didn't want to bother Tae. I didn't want him to see my like this, pitiful, useless and a complete and utter burden.

I crawled on the floor, my right leg tingling in sensation as I dragged it alongside me.

I couldn't move, it hurt so much to the point where I bit my lip to stop any sounds from happening.

My hands kept padding along the floor, moving myself away from the living room and across the hardwood floors.

I inched and inched slowly towards the stairs, looking up to see the challenge I had to face.

I breathed out and grabbed the stair's railing column. I pushed myself forward, putting my left knee on the wooden board and urging myself forward.

Slowly I got up a couple of stairs but when my body could no longer support myself I leaned on the stairs, bursting into tears.

I heard footsteps behind me and I turned around to see Tae.

He bent down and looked at me with sad eyes.

I don't want him to see me like this. But I'm still so hung up on him. Why can't I just leave him? I don't know.

He cupped my cheeks and wiped my tears away with his thumbs. I pulled his hand away quickly and there was a slight change in his face.

It hurt him, what I just did. I'm so sorry.

He picked me up effortlessly in his arms and made his way upstairs.

I grasped the back of his t-shirt, pulling on it as a protest albeit weakly.

He opened the door to my room and settled me in bed, opening a window for me as he circled around my bed to puff up my pillow.

My leg started to feel like it had knots tightening, it kept pulsing for some reason. It felt cold, it felt numb there were too many rough sensations that surged me for a few seconds, those few brutal seconds. I tried so hard not to show pain, to hold my screams inside but it had scared me.

When I saw the his back, I immediately grabbed his rough hands. I pulled at it gently and he turned around quite confused. I opened my mouth and urged myself to say something, anything. I needed him with me, right now.

"T-Taetae, it hurts so much. Please stay, j-just for tonight." I whispered. He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me into his arms. My face nestled nicely into the crook of is neck as I inhaled sharply at his scent that I missed. I didn't push him away this time. I actually wanted him close to me.

I'm so indecisive.

He patted my back and I felt him kiss the side of my head.

I kept whimpering even though I told myself to be quiet. I didn't want to burden him anymore than I already had but when my brain registered the ache on my lip, I knew I bit on it to suppress the pain.

"Fany-ah, it will go away." He asked, caressing the side of my body so gently. It got me feelings things again but I knew a few moments ago I wanted him gone.

"It hurts doesn't it?" I nod my head and he kisses my temple and massages my leg for me. His soft touches made my insides stir and I didn't know if I cried because of the pain or if I cried because of how much I know Tae loves me despite this being such a small gesture.

"Shh, shh. Stop crying, I'll take care of you I promise." He says as he holds my hand and softly grazes his thumb over it. Were facing each other and through the soft light from the night lamp I could see his concerned hazelnut eyes. His soft quiet voice made my heart swell bigger for my big bear.

When he brushed his fingers on my cheeks and kissed the tears away, I clutched onto the back of his shirt out of habit and fear that he'll leave.

He was getting off the bed but I held him by his rough hands. "Please don't go Taetae." I manage to croak out to him.

"I'm just going to get something to patch you up, I'll be back I promise." I let his hand go and a big part of me had so many regrets. I didn't want him to go at all, I wanted him to stay here with me.

He comes back in with my little monkey stuffed animal and a first aid kit. From the small lamp from the room I could see his cheeky smile. He pulled me to sit on the edge of the bed as he nestled my stuffed animal into my lap.

He knelt on the floor and he placed my foot on top of his knee, taking out the white bandage and wrapped my ankle around it gently and looked up at me every so often.

I felt his love through his tender glances and his kneeling position struck my bank of memories, and I felt so much better. He's so strong, so tough and he always knows what to say when I'm upset or something. He rarely looks broken down, beat up or breaking. It's something I admire him for. His willpower and his ability to withstand the pain even if it hurts on the inside or outside.

"It hurts so much Taeyeon-ah." I quietly whispered and cried out as I wipe the tears away from my face with the back of my hand.

"I know, I know. It will get better soon, It won't hurt forever. Let's sleep it off Fany-ah." He pulls me gently into his arms and lays down. I carefully drape my leg over his and he makes sure I'm comfortable before he turns off the light and kisses the crown of my head.

"I love my stuffed monkey." I mumbled against him as I propped the soft plush on Tae's chest.

My plushys beady eyes remind me of Taeyeon's derpy cute face and I giggled quietly.

"More than me?" I didn't reply. Of course, I couldn't love a stuffed animal more than him.

"It reminds me of you though." I smiled against his chest, hiding my face shyly.

I stayed awake as I rested my cheek on his body, going along the flow as his body rose and descended slightly when he inhaled and exhaled. I felt so, lost.

How he helped me take a bath, how he protects me, to the lunches he made for me, to the way he took care of me. There was not a reason to hate him, to chase him away.

Love, hurts. Love, is hard.

I fell asleep, but when I woke up he was gone. It was a repeat every single day now. Everything is awkward and weird. We act like strangers in the blink of an eye. I hated it because when I did sit up from the bed I was so use to seeing a big body beside me, sleeping with loud snores, occasionally scratching his ear. Sometimes if I was lucky, I'd witness him sleep talk math equations. That was my Tae.

A large part of me still doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. For the sake of myself.

The next week was uneventful and it kind of ticked me off. I don't know what was looking for from him anymore. It was weird, really.

I hated how he walked by me without saying anything, yet I can't really blame him. I didn't say anything to him too. We ate in silence. We watched TV in silence. Both of us even watched Prince run around the yard in silence.

I didn't want to be like this. Can we even be friends after this? I know we broke up, that we called it off. We haven't seen each other in two months and I'm still quite confused.

Does your ex take care of you like a lover does? Try to bathe you, cook dinner for you despite being the worst cook known to man? Does he do laundry for you and fold them just because? Does he check up on you every night every hour just to see if you're okay? Does he get up early in the morning to run a bath for me and make sure I get a healthy breakfast just so I could get better faster?

It didn't matter. He did all of that, yet when it came down to just us lounging around we spoke nothing. We did nothing. I felt like I wasn't 'living' anymore.

Nonetheless it still continued. I didn't have the confidence to talk to him. So I didn't.

I sat on the porch with a book in hand, absorbing my thoughts into it as I listened to mother nature doing it's thing. I hadn't' realized the click of the porch door opening and the footsteps till Tae cleared his throat. "Here's a plane ticket back to San Francisco. You leave tonight." He hands me the ticket and a package.

"What?"

"You said you wanted out. Go back home to your family. As long as you're here you'll never be free. 18K will come for you."

"I know you like it here in L.A. and I practically ruined that for you. But inside I transferred a couple years worth of money to your account. You will live comfortable for quite some time. I hope this somewhat compensates for that even though it's not the same."

"No, Tae I don't want thi-"

He turned around and shook his head. He had his hands in his pockets and looked so relaxed.

"No take it. It's the least I can do."

"I-Is there something you. . . want?" I asked quietly, running my fingers on the envelope.

He shook his head. "I'm selfish. Of course I want you to stay here with me but you're not happy. Honestly, if you aren't then I don't want to do this to you."

"I want to say that we can make it work, find a way to be together and to go back to normal. I'd say something along the lines of putting my best effort in to take care of you. I want to convince you to stay. That's something I'd normally do, right? But you're not happy despite all that I do." He continued, staring at the floor.

"I don't want to force you anymore. I've done it so many times and it just turns out bad in the long run." He finally says in a hushed voice.

I opened my mouth to say something but it wouldn't come out.

"It's okay, don't worry about it. Just go, okay?" You gave up on me Tae?

"Okay."

He sounds so different, so put together and complex.

He went into the kitchen, pulling out ingredients probably to make tonight's dinner.

I watched him as he washed vegetables, saw him cut them into quarters.

He pulled out a pot and filled it with water, placed it on the stove and turned the heat on high.

He did things so quietly and with such sorrow. Its like he felt like he owed me something, to take care of me.

That night I sat down to eat dinner with him but I sat a bit closer to him. When we watched TV I chose the sofa closest to him.

I told him so many times I wanted to leave, I wanted him to leave but when the opportunity came up I was reluctant to take it. I kind of don't want to go?

But when the clock struck 8 and I had to leave at 11, I let the reality sink in as I sat in between my luggage and my clothes sprawled out everywhere. Whatever I had left, or whatever I did bring from the remains of my house was here with him.

My hand was digging around a drawer and I felt and saw the familiar tin box in the corner. I opened it and there were those coins wrapped in light blue paper.

I totally forgot about that. I left it here. It was a bittersweet memory. We never finished. 61 days, 29 left to go.

My fingers played with one of the little packages, touching the corners of the neatly creased paper.

I absentmindedly zoned out and my finger flipped the paper open and I caught a glimpse of a black ink on the inside.

My curious fingers pried or open and I carefully took out the gold coin out of small pocket the paper made and stopped breathing for a second.

Day 32:

Today was a good day. Well, for me at least. I kind of accidentally slipped and scraped my knee trying to get Prince on his leash. You laughed at me, fucking bully. . . Anyways, you had a purple bandaid and you made me sit down so you could put it on my knee. Little did you know I kept the damn packaging because it was hella cute. For the record, I am not a big crybaby.

\- Taeyeonie

I kept reading and reading them, my hands urgently had to open every single one of them.

Day 4:

I think you've witnessed the dumbest thing I have ever said yet, and I've said some dumb things. I asked you if a sheep and a lamb were the same thing. I've never been hit so hard with a folder of papers before. I've also have never had someone lecture me about my knowledge about animals and then proceed to give me a 12 minute lesson about basic animals. I am sincerely sorry Ms. Hwang. :(

I'm going to be honest, they look kind of the same do they not?

\- Taetae

I laughed, I cried, I called him an idiot and I smiled as I read them.

Day 27:

You know, you're really cute. :) And I love you and the cute shit you do :) Especially when you fall asleep on me. It's cute, really cute. :)

\- TaengoBear

My Taetae. My little brown bear.

All of the 61 coins in my possession had a little diary written in the paper that wrapped the coin.

It told the story of the day we had together, the memories, the laughter, the happy times, the good times of us. It was only positive vibes.

I didn't know. I was so clueless. I didn't think he was so serious about this coin ultimatum thing. I didn't think to look inside the small coin packets he gave me, I didn't know there were notes written inside.

He cherished everyday with me. He didn't stop, he kept going and going. He never missed a day.

He told me he loved me and I believed him.

He said he didn't when facing someone else.

But this, this trumps everything. I can't deny no longer that he does. Of course he does.

I know he does because I refused to believe that he'll grow through so much with me, to do things like this for me, to brush my hair aside when I'm talking to it won't cover my eyes, to give me his jacket to cover my legs so perverted old men wouldn't stare at me, to tell me awash every night before we went to sleep that he loved me.

He's done so much, and I know that.

But seeing this just sets the bar so much more higher. He's done a lot for me, and it's the little things. These little things.

Day 53:

The day you told me you loved me, was the day we also. . I'm so sorry.

\- Taeyeon

Towards the end of the paper there was a bunch of scribbles and words crossed out. He didn't finish the note. He didn't finish it, and I remember that day so clearly that I started to tear up.

Tae, the day I told you that I loved you, was the day we also broke up.

I went through all of those coins. Every single one of them. The floor was a mess of blue paper. Coins all over the floor and I was sitting around them just lost for words. This is too much I told myself.

After realizing what this damn ultimatum mean to him, I can't be angry at him anymore. It lessened that persona and stigma I had attracted to him. In a way, it kind of erased it.

There were still imperfect smudges, but it was clean enough. Good enough. He's still that giant gentle bear. Gentle Taeng.

He has a good heart, good intentions. He means well.

But I still dragged my luggage behind me and went out the door. I still got into the car and drove to the airport.

It didn't stop me from leaving.

When I had to go past the gates I waved at him very briefly. I expected some heart wrenching goodbye. Like the ones from the movies.

"Fany, wait." Well, here it comes. I turned around anyways, anxious to hear what he had to say.

"I-I want to tell you something. It's important." He said, scratching the back of his head as always when he's nervous.

"O-Okay. . . go on." I said skeptically.

"You saw the video, of me and Juniel right?" I nodded and bit my lip. I never in my life want to see it ever again.

"You know, I didn't mean to 'cheat' on you. I didn't mean for all of this to happen. And I also know whatever I'll say now will not change that. I understand. But, in a way, I forced it to look like that. Just so they can leave you alone and get her."

Wait what.

"You can't just use another person as bait Tae! They'll go after he or yet try to kill her like they did with me!" I grabbed his arm and shook him. Oh my god please don't involve someone else.

God you're so stupid Tae.

"No, listen. You know her as a celebrity singer. But she's also part of the 18K too. She's manipulative, crazy and a total bitch."

"She's untouchable though. She's the chairmans like 'adopted' daughter or some shit. If they kind of mess with her all she has to do is run to him."

"Why use her as bait if she has so much power." I asked, still unimpressed but a little relieved.

"They have nothing on me. I'm valuable. I do jobs for the guys, I used to be a leader. So if they have her and they think they have something against me, they can control me. It's their last resort if they can't get to you. But I could care less about her. She's done things that aren't good. . ." He never finished his sentence but the ache in my heart started to disappear.

It still doesn't make up for the fact that he touched another girl in inappropriate places, or that he kissed someone else but. . . in the end of the day he did it for my safety?

"I never meant to hurt you. I-I thought it was a good plan you know? It was smart at first, but it ended up just. . tearing us apart. I have regrets." He says, blinking back his tears.

"I-I had to let you go for a bit. I wanted to sort things out between me and the 18K. I got so scared when they took you. If I wasn't here who knew what would've happened Fany-ah. I was so scared for you." He ran his hand through his hair, gulping the lump in his throat.

"I sold everything. I gave up everything just for you Fany-ah. My life long dream of just living quietly. I gave that up. I joined the 18K. I came back and there's barely a way out but I did it knowing that if that slight chance can be that I will have my dream with you then I'll do it." He continued his endless ramble.

Please don't say those things, because I never asked you to give it up.

"That night when you told me you saw bad memories than good memories with me, is the moment I knew I lost you. What hurts the most is that it's the opposite with me. I see so much happiness when I think of us, yet you're here thinking differently. It hurts." He said so quietly.

"Why didn't you tell me then I said you cheated on me? Why didn't you tell me when I said I was leaving?" I said, pushing him on the shoulder.

"I don't know. But it shouldn't affect anything because at the end of the day, what I did was wrong." He muttered back, scratching the back of his head looking so tired.

"Tae. . ."

"Do you know the things I've done and sacrificed for you? I-I feel like, it's gone to waste." I frowned, stepping back and letting go of him.

Don't say those types of things Tae.

"I don't love you because of the sacrifices you make or events we went through. It's not about those events, it's not about how romantic you made one of our dates. It's because you do little things, like ask me how my day went before you told me about yours. You said good morning to me before you checked your phone. Taetae, you came and visited me at work while I was teaching kids because you just did. There wasn't a reason as to why you came, but you did. I love you because of the that. Those consistent little things you've done for me." I said, looking straight in his uncertain eyes.

"I won't have feelings for you who's actions are heroic like. That's not what I'm looking for. I don't love you because if you'd take a bullet for me, jump in front of a car for me. There are reasons behind your actions and I love the reasons, not the action. I don't know, it's complicated to explain but I don't need you to play hero for me."

"I don't love you because you sacrificed your dream for me. I didn't ask you to. I don't love you because you took those beatings for me, I don't love you because you helped me escape that warehouse Eunhyuk kept us in. I am thankful to you for doing that for me. Thankful Taetae, there's a difference." I wanted to hold him. He looked so, lost.

"Do you remember when I told you? I knew I loved you when I found the picture of us on the nightstand beside your bed. This was in your safe house Taetae, there's no photo of us in your actual home back in the city. Why?" I asked when he just stood there listening to my talks.

"It's easy for them to follow me to the house in the city. If they see that photo of us, they'll know you'll mean something to me. They'll use you against me."

"Well that's too late now, don't you think so?"

"It was already too late." We let the silence just linger around. I gripped the handle of my suitcase tighter, still so unsure.

He pulls my arm gently and I just had to look up at him. "Did you really believe that I stopped loving you?"

"When you said it while looking straight into my eyes without even the slightest flinch or regret, yeah. I didn't for a few moments but when you started to walk away, I did." I muttered, still hating that.

He hummed and had trouble looking into my eyes. I touched the side of his arm but he still had his head hung low.

"You've loved me longer Taetae, I didn't think you'd quit so fast." I said quietly. He shook his head.

"Fany-ah?"

"Yeah?"

"Forgive, me?" He trails off, fiddling with his fingers. Shy Taetae.

"I will, in time. I eventually will Taetae." I reassured him and when he smiled for the first time in forever it really did get the emotions inside my pumping.

"But I need time. I'm still going to go back to San Francisco. I want to be with my family."

"Will you come back?" He asked timidly with a shaky voice. You're not going to lose me Tae. You almost did, but I always end up coming back.

"Here? No." He furrowed his brows and gulped the lump in his throat down. I smiled and rested the side of my face against his chest, hearing his thumping heart. "But to you, maybe." I whispered in a hushed tone, loud enough for him to hear yet not enough for the whole world to know.

He broke out into a small smile and I felt so relieved. "I'll wait for you?" He said, I shook my head and his expression changed into another anxious state.

"Don't wait for me. I don't know when I'll come back to you."

He pulled me into a big bear hug and even though he was squeezing me tightly, I couldn't blame the guy.

"Start over. Let's start over?" He asked. I didn't know what to say.

"F-Friends, Fany-ah. Let's go from there." He said once more. I sighed, not wanting to start all the way from the beginning.

But it was needed, I guess.

"Tae. I'm going to be late." I muttered against his warm chest. Since when did he switch to a different cologne. It smells gross.

"Okay, okay. Safe flights okay? Call me when you land." He said rather quickly. He pats my back and stood there with his arms resting by him.

"Be good for me, okay?" I said quietly.

"I'll try." He said back, still playing with his fingers.

I stepped a bit back and leaned into his chest, hugging him once more. "Bye." I whispered.

"Bye Fany." He said softly back. I unmatched myself from him and I felt his fingers cling onto my hand a few seconds longer.

I hauled my bag onto the top of my luggage and when I heard the jingling of coins in my tin box, I wondered if he still wants to be with me.

I'm never going to let these coins out of my sight. Each and everyone of them holds a memory of us, it's our saving grace.

Our undying love is kept with me, in a tin box.

I knew from there and then, everything was going to be okay.

We were going to be okay.

Tae and I.


	20. Watching Over You

Kim Taeyeon

Friends. Right.

We never did keep in touch after she left. I didn't message her and she didn't either. I was hoping she'd stay after I told her what I did.

That's life, I guess.

But I lay in bed, still wondering how we both went so wrong as I laid beside a naked woman. I pulled my arm away from under her head and sat up, scratching the back of my head as I pulled the covers away and picked up my shirt that was discarded so carelessly.

I got dressed and take another look at the woman in the sheets, opening the door and closing it quietly.

My days were like this.

I dug into my suit jacket and pulled out a cigar but decided to put it back into my jacket. Was too early for a smoke. My car had a whisky bottle in it too, but yet again it was too early to even drink.

I took a deep breath and gripped the mahogany wheel. My drive to work was quiet, uneventful and bleak. Nothing was exactly out of the ordinary. I just found it boring. I did nothing all day.

I rode up the elevator into my office and walked in, staring at the leather chair. Somehow, that intimidated me. It was empty, just waiting for me to sit there. To occupy my empire from right there and then.

I felt like I had so much power, so much choice, freedom. I could do anything I want, I could be anyone I want in that chair.

I was someone to the outsiders. A CEO to most, a billionaire with money to the media, a leader to a triad, but a cheater to one.

I hate that title. I gave myself that title. She acknowledges me with that title.

But in the middle of all that, I felt so empty. There was nothing I want more in my life than to fill that void.

Moving on is different. It's not the same. Those countless girls, can't replace her. Drowning myself in alcohol does not work anymore, getting high doesn't take me to places far enough from where I want to be and I'm running out of options.

I felt pathetic, really. I'll learn to tolerate. My lifestyle, I'll live it as it is but I can never get over that irritating emptiness, loneliness and tragic regrets.

But the 6 months we were 'friends' we didn't talk. But I kept tabs on her. I kind of knew what her life was like now. I never was in the same state as her though, I got someone to watch her for me. Creepy, I know but I just had to make sure she was okay. I can't be there, because I told her that I'd wait for her. She told me not to but I will.

In other news, she got another teaching job at a school, she had a shit ton of friends and by that I mean she is literally a social butterfly. The woman went out with her girlfriends so many times during the week, I didn't know she had such a life. Then, every Friday's she'd go volunteer at a pet shelter, and then every Sunday she went to the church on the corner of the block from her house.

As for her love life. Apparently, she's been talking to this model guy. Lee Cheolwoo or whatever. I think they're dating, but I hope they're not. Just because, yeah.

I mean, I was kind of pissed at first. She said she'll come back to me right. Eventually. But every time I see her with him I feel like the chances are dwindling down. Like I'm being replaced, that she found someone better. She's happy when with him. I've seen the way she looks at him, because she looked at me like that a couple of times. Not all the time. Just sometimes.

So it hurts. But I'll keep waiting for her. Eventually she'll return back to me. I will call her mine, my wife. I will call her my Miyoung again, we will get married, have children and live in a house with Prince .Then, if all goes well I want a damn army of kids with her. She's cute, and we'd have cute babies. Wishful thinking. I'm hopeful though.

I snapped out of my daydream and sat down, feeling the leather arm rest as I sat straightened up in my chair. I fixed the pile of papers on my desk to be perfect, twirled a pen around my fingers as I stared at the door.

"Mr. Kim and Mr. Wu are here to see you." The intercom said. I straightened out my jacket and slicked back my hair.

They both barged into the door, both fighting to squeeze into the door instead of coming in single file like normal adults.

"Mr. Kim will see you now." I said in a low voice.

Heechul turned around and made a disgusted face. I guess it wasn't entertaining enough.

Kris on the other hand. "Fuck off with that 50 Shades of Grey bullshit you kinky fuck. You're nasty." He spat. I threw a pen at him for being a party pooper. Kris caught it and threw it back, except the pen conveniently got stuck into the wall.

"He's landed in San Francisco yesterday. Your intel was right. We should go now." Heechul said.

"Now or never right?"

Kris circled my desk and sat on my lap. "Or, we can not do this and fuck all. He's weird, and a little gay I swear." He said in a girly tone.

I pushed him off my lap and he landed with a thud on the floor. Kris flicks my leg and I was about to kick him but Heechul cleared his throat and puts his phone back into his jacket. "I'm driving. Let's go kids."

"Okay daddy." Kris said with a high pitched squeal. God damn it how is this guy a full grown adult/

Hyung stopped in his tracks and sighed. "You guys got some daddy kink now?"

"Yes daddy." I replied, joining in on the fun.

"God the both of you need to shut up for once." Heechul muttered, rolling his eyes as Kris and I snicker behind him.

I nudged Kris's elbow and he swatted me away. "Heechul's in a grumpy mood. Heh."

"I know right. He's been such an emotional bitch lately." Kris said, with the emphasis on emotional.

"I can fucking hear you. Assholes." Heechul muttered.

We went to one of Eunhyuks operations which he held in a jewelry store. We needed to get a brown envelope with information about his operations and where he'll go next.

Why he landed in San Francisco was suspicious as fuck and I don't know if he's dumb enough to go there alone or he's smart to lure me there.

But I'm a big guy, I can handle a little fiasco.

The place its of, it wasn't big but it wasn't small. It was the store where he sold stolen bling to unsuspecting civilians.

"Hyung, trust in me. I'll take care of the security guy, both of you can go handle the floor." I muttered, switching between rooms on the tablet.

Heechul scoffed and crunched up the soda can in his hand and threw it in the corner."Hm, don't fuck up like you already have." I nodded, still a little uneasy with our relationship between me and Heechul.

I still wonder how close Fany and Heechul were for him to hit me and yell at me like that. He hasn't done that for years, I can barely remember the last time he did.

"I'll go in through the back, take out the security guy and wire the cameras so it'll loop the feed. You two can go through the second floor, there's 3 vents that'll lead into the store manager's office. She has the keycard." I repeated our plan, showing them a blueprint of the store.

"What does she look like."

"Beige and white suit, hair tied up in a bun. The type that'll ask if the lollipop is vegan."

"Gotcha."

"Let's bounce kids."

I looked around me and slipped to the back alleyway, pulling out a bobby pin and a golden skinny rod I stuck it in the lock and went to town picking it.

My hands started to get clammy since it had been forever that I picked again. Either way I carried on and when I heard 5 satisfying clicks periodically I turned the knob and peeked in.

Security guy eating a ramen bowl with his legs up on a table. I dug in my pocket and removed the cap from the needle.

The skinny looking guy freaked out and jumped out of his set, hands on the pager as I gave him a pretty smile and injected the needle into his neck.

He slumped over me immediately and started to drool.

"Fucking gross." I muttered. I sat him up in a corner and gave him a pair of shades. Gotta look cool when you're unconscious, hah.

His pager started to give off static sounds, and the sound of a beep indicated an incoming pager.

"Hey, everything okay?"

Fuck. I made my voice as deep as I could get, like Darth Vader deep.

"Uh, sorry. Wasn't me. You see, my boner touched the pager." I had to stop myself from laughing.

"Dude."

"Sorry man, I'll try to keep my dick in my pants." I said as serious as I could. Man, how can anyone believe this.

"This happened for the third time now man. I can't cover for al these mispages. One more time and I'm sounding the alarm. Got it?"

"Yes sir." And the lien went dead.

Fucking dick.

I stared back at the guy with shades. Heh. He'll wake up in a couple of hours I guess.

I sat on the rolling chair and slid to the security console, switching between the CCTV's as I saw Kris and Heechul pretend like they were shopping for jewelry.

Kris has his hand trailing behind some sale clerks back and I rolled my eyes.

"Stop groping her." I said into the microphone. Kris removed his hand and touched his ear piece, muttering curses at me.

"Mind your own business buttercup. Now, we clear or what?"

"Two securities on the floor. One each corner. Go upstairs from The back and take the one on the second floor. Be careful, manager is there too and she might scream."

They both nodded and gave off charming smiles as they walked outside swiftly before heading outside and up the back alley stairs.

I waited for them to pick the lock as I took the security guys left over ramen and ate a couple of bites.

Shit was so good. Hadn't had a bowl since college days.

"The fuck are you slurping? Dick?"

"Ramen. Spicy ramen."

"Were here to do a job, not for you to do this ASMR shit through my ear piece."

I chuckled and finished the rest of my noodles. The phone in my pocket rang and I chucked the cup into the crash before fishing out my phone.

Jonghyun: I couldn't stall him out much longer, he's going back to the Golden Koi. It's a restaurant off the east side on the street with the marketplace.

Taengo: Aww shit. Think we can intercept his car? :)

Jonghyun: That's too risky brother, just kill him in his restaurant but don't forget the intel.

"Alright boys. Time to lock and load."

The two security guards dressed in white entered the second floor one by one and each time they came we injected the strum in their thighs and dragged them in the corner.

Pretty easy, till the manager who came out of her room was going to scream and cry for help.

I got pretty spooked because she could've caused so much shit, but Hyung was there and tripped her till she fell flat on her face.

He tied her up and left the woman sitting on a chair.

"Just be quiet and we won't tell everyone you wore such a hideous colour to work today." Kris said, shaking his head as he eyed her attire.

She didn't look impressed and I chuckled. If glares could kill, Kris would be disintegrated by now.

"Girl, those shoes with those pants? Not today honey." He continued, critiquing her fashion and I think she was more annoyed than scared of us.

"We have 7 minutes to drill the safe and get the intel and book it to the Golden Koi." I announced, interrupting Kris's talk and Heechul's constant tapping of the table.

"Why are we going to the nasty dim sum place?" Kris piped, eyes still giving judgmental looks at the managers shoes.

"Have you forgotten? That's his new hideout. He had to downgrade. Plus, he'll be there and I wanna kill him with my bare hands."

Heechul cleared his throat. "There's going to be too many people there Taengo. They're expecting us."

"But they're not expecting Jonghyun." I reminded, feeling myself become so gleeful as I stood there thinking about my secret weapon.

"What did you just fucking say?" Heechul said, knitting his brows and tossing his used glove to the side.

I smiled a crooked smirk and threw a load of shaped C4 at Hyung's arms.

I pointed to the safe. "Blow it up, we don't got 7 minuets to drill it."

"The entire fucking building will hear! Are you crazy?!"

"That I am. But I'm not missing the chance to kill him myself." They shook their heads as they wore up the safe. They strapped the C4 on and lit it.

"You think hiding behind an office shrub will shield us from the potential shards that'll fly into our face and decapitate us?" I squeaked, trying to hide myself behind Heechul. Talk about human meat shield.

"Oh shut up." Kris said, smacking me on the head.

"You were always a dick. And a fashion police." I grumbled, rubbing my head.

"Honestly, those shoes with those pa-" I smacked his head back and he whined, hugging the shrub as tight as he could. We looked so stupidly ridiculous trying to shield ourselves on some green vegetation that barely covered our bodies.

The tied up manager was probably like 'what the fuck.'

The timer ticked down and I squinted and covered my ear. The safe's door flew right open followed by a loud bang. It was followed up by freakish screams with people running out of the building as fast as they could.

"We have exactly one minute before the civilians call the police."

"Well, grab the fucking package and run."

Kris pushed past us and grabbed the brown envelope. The guy didn't forget to grab the bowl of candies on the office desk too.

"Dude."

"They're free." He said in defense.

"You stole them, there's a difference."

"Oh shut up buttercup." He replied annoyed. Man, this guy.

The car ride to the restaurant was okay. I guess. I was in the back with Kris. He kept eating all the candy and when I got fed up with the crinkling wrappers I smacked it out of him.

He glared at me with cheeks stuffed with toffee.

"Fucking give me some." I grumbled, reaching over to pluck the gummy jelly out of his hand.

I fucking love jelly.

"You said you didn't want any! You even called me out for taking it and now you want some?!"

"Share you dick head. At that rate you'll gain diabetes I'm doing you a favour."

We bickered back and forth and when Heechul came to a stop light he turned around and hit us both on the head.

"Kids, shut up."

"Sorry." Kris and I said in unison.

We asked him to turn the radio on as we knew every single lyric to Vanessa Carlton's 'A Thousand Miles.' I sing this song loud and proud. We came to a halt and I heard Heechul mutter something."Holy shit." Heechul mumbled. I looked up and peered over the headrest.

The fucking town was in flames, looked like some shit from the apocalypse. Neon street signs were sparks flaring out, cars flipped over about to combust, bodies laying on the floor, civilians running away as guns shots went back and forth.

Our windshield got shot and the three of us took cover. I opened the car door and went out, heading to the trunk to bust it open and pull out a gun. I threw Kris and Heechul one too.

"Take the left, I'll go through the back." I shouted over the blaring car alarms.

"Wait! Where the fucks Jonghyun?"

"His guys are here, he has to be here too. I'll find him Hyung, don't worry." I reassured. He shook his head and Kris gave me some worrisome eyes.

"Die and I'm going to fucking go to hell and drag you back up here you punk. You understand?" He shouted, throwing a flash bang out in the streets. I nodded and Kris patted my back, pushing me to cover to the next car.

As I ducked over the whizzing bullets that sounded like damn wasps near my ears. I pulled the safety off my assault rifle and pulled out the ammo reserve, only seeing at least 20 rounds in it.

There were explosions everywhere, screaming people, the deafening sounds of street lamps crashing to the concrete floor echoed in the tight road.

I went to the back of the restaurant and climbed on top of a dumpster. I jumped to get leverage of the window ledge and pulled myself up, almost slipping but I caught myself.

The grainy grimy concrete smeared all over my hands as I pulled myself over that ledge, crawling over to the skylight. I peeked above and almost died. Literally, 6 guys were crowding the kitchen table with some sort of a fucking map.

I need to sharpen up my skills I swear.

There was commotion inside the kitchen and those 6 men dispersed, leaving me free to open the skylight window and jump in.

I landed on the kitchen corner and instantly the smell of dim sum, and a waft of blood invaded my nose. Those two definitely do not mix.

I had a hand on the holster of my gun, creeping up to the sides of the kitchen walls as I peered into the deserted hallway.

Again, more screams and gunshots rang and it didn't stop. It was constant and there was not a moment of silence, just chaos.

The creaking of the wooden floor board followed by the bubbling of the pot on the stove drowned that sound.

I felt someone approaching me, the creaks got louder and I snapped my head and pulled out my gun, pointing it at the figure right infront of me with a knife pressed up against my torso, ready to slice me to bits.

"Taengo." Jonghyun said with a smile.

I lowered my gun and sighed loudly. "Dude fuck you. Scared me." I mumbled, smacking the knife away as I sulked. He chuckled and sheathed his blade.

"Did you find him?" I asked, trying to settle my racing heart.

"No, but somehow he knew I was coming. As soon as I parked my car it got blown up."

"Our guys went out and now it's like world war 3."

"Uncle Lee isn't going to like this."

"You think

He wants two of his red pole leaders fighting? It'll

Make us look weak against our rivals."

I heard sirens and both of us cursed at the same time.

"Cops, great. More to add to the mess. Good job coming in quiet."

"Oh shut the fuck up. We gotta find the rat before he escapes."

"You think he's hiding?"

"Yeah, he can't leave. The exits are sealed off and the highway from the back is blocked off by our guys."

"Call me if you find him. I wanna kill him myself."

"By all means go for it. I can't do it, uncle lee will disown me for going against my own member. But you can, since your the Kim Taeyeon."

"You make it sound like I'm a king."

"Don't think so highly of your self. King Taeyeon."

I chuckled and put in my ear piece as we both synced it up. I gave the keys to my car and an electronic tracer. Just in case I needed to track the guy.

We parted ways, looking for the damn rat hiding in his hole.

I really did nothing but scout the place and avoid scared customers and dumb gangsters.

I sat on a poker table and played with the chips, letting it fall between my fingers as I periodically ducked out of sight when someone came into the room.

They weren't the ones I looked for and I'd rather not have a mass of dead bodies in the corner as I wait to fish out the one I want.

Didn't want to cause chaos, even though there already was.

I was getting pretty impatient but. "Fuck!" I heard the curse. I know that hoarse voice. My feet paced faster to that direction, sprinting across the kitchen and being stuck into an intersection.

I heard thumping and a couple of gunshots rang and then it fell silence.

My heart pumped, my blood ran thicker inside me and I started to sweat.

I tried to think, where? I paced back and forth, trying to listen again but that sound and person's voice was muffled. The continuous chaos from outside didn't help and I couldn't think properly.

I checked the closets, pantry, hell I even tried the basement but nothing.

Then it clicked. Electronic tracker. I got a GPS on him. It must be in his jacket.

I opened my phone and then tried to locate. I had no signal in this damn restaurant so I went out.

My eyes widened, in the span of fucking 7 minutes Jonghyun's position was moving too fast. He wouldn't have left the restaurant if he found him.

Fuck. I started to worry. My gut was telling me something else.

Taengo: Jonghyun's on the move, I think he got Eunhyuk. Or the other way around.

Heechul: Did he call for help?

Kris: text address, we need to go it's getting so bad out here..

Taengo: I'll send you the location. Get here fast and bring some guys. I don't think it's going to end pretty.

Rolling up into an abandoned in progress apartment building I looked up.

Darkness, and uncertainty plagued it. I felt chills coming down my spine because the moment I step in is the start of a ticking time bomb.

Any wrong move and I'll risk my life. Too slow, and I'll risk Jonghyun's life.

I followed the pulsing dot on the screen, climbing the stairs as fast as I could. I had to keep my heavy breathing on the down low because it echoed in the little stairway.

I went up to the 12th floor and the 3D representation on the screen showed that I was on the right floor. I pocketed my phone and looked through the half completed door that had no window. I opened the know from the outside and crept in quietly.

I heard nothing but the gushes of wind blowing through the plastic coverings of the unfinished building. The city lights were brighter than usual and were more lively than ever before to me tonight. The moonlight illuminated the night sky and this felt too surreal.

I turned my head at the sound of dripping. Making a right to the spacious living room there was a wooden chair, followed by a candle lit on the side. I saw the red trail of blood and eyed it, watching it go a couple of feet till it pooled.

I glanced up and saw Jonghyun, tied up by the hands hanging there. He was soaked i n blood, head bloodied, lips bruised to the point he was bleeding there too. He slurred something and his feet were dangling off the floor just an inch.

The rope was straining the guys hand and fuck I felt like such a failure.

"Jonghyun, hey, hey it's me wake up." My hands were shaking as I approached him.

"Hyung." He whispered so quietly, it's like he choked it out.

When he calls me Hyung, I can't. I don't feel like it. I am not someone he is able to look up to and say, 'I want to be like him.' I left him once without saying a word. I didn't comeback, I didn't even try to look for him. I don't deserve to be called that.

He was still breathing, I can hear his harsh breathing but along that I could hear the rope start tighten and make that squeezing sound. I heard and felt the drops of blood splattering on the floor as it drips and drips and drips.

"Taengo, don't leave your dongsaeng behind again." He slurred, head lolling to the side.

I felt my eyes start to become blurry. My vision was obstructed by the tears in my eyes and I felt like the worst big brother to someone who's ever only looked up to me. "I-I won't. Your Hyung won't leave you again."

"Y-you promise me? Hyung?"

"I swear on it. I can't leave my little brother behind this time. ." I untied his hands and released him from the rope, his wrists were straining red, a paler colour than his own blood.

"You always did keep your promises." He said with a tired smile as he sat on the floor, breathing rapidly.

"You will be okay, hang on okay? Hyung promised you that he'll teach you how to fish remember?"

"Fish?" He said softly and I panicked at his tone, he's going to go.

"Remember? We were 8 or 9 and we sat around that pond behind your old pops house? I managed to catch a fish with the rod we stole earlier at the janky thrift store we used to hang out at. You told me, 'Hyung, when we're older, have a billion dollars, 6 sports cars, al the ladies and a room full of gummy jellies, we have to buy a cabin and you'll teach me how to catch fish on our million dollar yacht.' Jonghyun do you remember?"

"Remember. . Hyung. . . I remember." He said while nodding his head, eyes drooping close and breathing slowing down. He coughed a bit and I patted his back as I knelt down, rubbing him to soothe him.

"Jonghyun, we can't do that if you go to sleep, so stay awake for me okay? For Hyung." He shook his head.

"If Jonghyun goes, Jonghyun will watch over you." He said with too much effort.

"You're not going to do that because you won't go." Don't fucking say that to me you punk. We ride and die together. The both of us.

He gulped the lump in his throat and opened his mouth to speak. I patiently waited for him to speak, to say something. "H-He's somewhere here Hyung, you have to go. He's going to kill you."

"I promised that I wouldn't leave you again. You have to do the same Jonghyun. Promise me you won't leave me behind too." He looked at me and smiled, and i instantly saw a younger version of him right before my eyes. I shook out of it and quickly lifted him up. He immediately slumped over my shoulder and I carried him by the shoulder to a nearby chair, grunting as I plopped him down there gently.

"Stay here, okay? I have to find Eunhyuk." He lifted his head and exhaled. He grabbed my hand and squeezed it, running his thumb over it.

He slumped into his chair further but jerked up and shakily brought up his arm. I thought he was possessed but when eh started slurring and choking out blood I looked behind me.

"You don't have to find me. I'm right in front of you." Eunhyuk said with the cold steel barrel of a revolver pressed right between my eyes.

Shit.

I eyed his finger that was teasing the trigger just ever so slightly, like a toy. But he was quicker than me and the next thing I knew was the throbbing aching pain that started to grow around the side of my head and my blackout that followed it quickly.

I shut my eyes and squeezed it close. Blackness, darkness. No more pain.

Death.

But not yet. I opened my heavy eyes to his fist. It felt like it weighed a ton. So did the baseball bat in his hand. The golden knife was sharp as it scraped the side of my body teasing me. It was like he was making a decision, to kill or not to kill.

I wasn't dead. I was alive. I'm breathing. I was so sure I was dead, I embraced it surprisingly.

I sat there like a rag doll, like some toy who's anger is being taken out on by some full of rage toddler. I took every beating. Every hit, every slash.

I'm surprised I have such a high tolerance because I jus wanted to die at this point.

My body felt like mush. It looked like mush too, gashes, wounds, bruises. What else, right. The blood. I felt like cherry kool aid gone wrong.

I would rather die.

He grabbed a fistful of my hair and yanked my head back, tapping my mouth open with his silver revolver.

"I'll shoot every single tooth out. So listen carefully. You worked for me and exclusively me. Who knew you'd become such a fucking rat. Did you forget what I could do?" He said quietly, almost with a demonic voice.

"We had a deal you wouldn't touch her!" I hollered pissed off to no end. I was shaking in my seat as I wanted to kick the shit out of him. He did this to me, he did this to Fany. He ruined lives, he made me so sad.

I can't find happiness.

"A deal is a deal but who broke it first?! You did! You fucking rat you did! Look where you got us now! My safe house is in shambles, half of the fucking triad doesn't trust me and the chance of me being chairman has gone down ever since you!" He spat out with such a sneering voice that bits of spit splattered everywhere on my face. The grip on my hair tightened with every word I spoke and I thought he'd rip it off me.

"You. . ." He says with wide eyes, staring at me like a psychopath. "You even tried to kill me with your little posse. Didn't think Jonghyun meant much to you after you left the poor kid behind." He said in my ear slowly so every word that came from his dirty mouth was heard well by me.

But Jonghyun.

"Where is he. Where the fuck is he." I managed to say despite his fingers yanking my mouth open. I couldn't even bite down on it if I wanted to.

Eunhyuk smirked and stepped aside. Jonghyun was still sitting on the floor unconscious.

Oh god Jonghyun.

He was still alive, which I thank the gods for.

I wasn't leaving him again. Not like this, not when the only thing I have left is him, and family.

He blocked my field of vision again and clicked his pretentious jaw. He untied me and pushed me to the ground, his foot right on my back pressing me down to kiss the damn floor.

He pulled me up again and made me kneel down towards the broken window.

My body felt too numb to fight back. I felt useless, weak and pathetic.

I held my breath as I stared down. We were at least 12 stories up and if I fell I'm sure I wouldn't live to see another day.

"You think I'd let you die so fast? Boy, you got it all wrong." He snarls in my ear, yanking my head back once more to the point where I felt like it was going to snap.

I gritted my teeth and exhaled roughly, trying to suppress the pains throughout my body.

"Look down. Look down!" He said, pushing half my body off the ledge and I was left dangling there. I tried to grab onto something to pull myself back into the room but I grabbed thin air.

Look where. Where was I supposed to look when all I see is a park with two people sitting on a bench enjoying their damn company while I was left waving my body off a fucking building.

Wait. Two people. .

"You see her? You fucking see her?!"

Fuck.

There were two types of dying.

Physically dying, and the emotional shit where you wanna implode.

I've never wanted to die so fast in my life at the sight of her.

With him.

I know someday seeing her with another guy would hurt. I kind of expected it but at the same time I didn't want to.

I was surprised. From the 12th floor I could see her clearly. I could recognize her from a distance. Her happy voice that was filled with utter joy confirmed it. My Fany.

I looked at those two longer. They sat on the bench laughing, their voices echoed in the quiet park. They pranced around the cobblestone walk way as they took pictures of each other acting all silly and stuff.

He started chuckling. Giving me an earful of his douchiest laugh.

But he's got me under his control. I did nothing but lay their and continue to stare at them. I wish we were at a higher up floor because then I wouldn't be able to see them so clearly.

But we were so close and I can see every fucking interaction below me.

She's mine. That's my girl. I'm supposed to be with her, not him.

This is the most brutal torture I will ever experience and I've been through shit.

They were such a couple. A cute one in fact. They did couple things in the long minutes that I watched them.

It stung. It really felt like sharpnels of my imploding mess had been stuck into my heart. I wanted to pull it out but I kept watching; making it sink in my hurt self longer because I knew Fany and I didn't do couple things.

We weren't normal. We didn't do boyfriend and girlfriend things. We didn't go on proper dates, we didn't love properly.

Nothing about us expressed a normal relationship in where if a person just looks at us they'll be able to say 'wow, they look cute together' or 'wow, they're couple goals' because as of right now I could say all these things about Stephanie and that Cheolwoo guy.

I want to give her flowers for no reason, wake up in the morning and make her breakfast. I want to surprise her at work, giving her a ride home every now and then. I want to sit on a park bench and have ice cream with her like they were doing just now.

I had my chance but I didn't do it.

I closed my eyes and shook my head.

"Had enough? Fucking had enough? That is what you betrayed me for, some fucking girl." He continue, kicking me on the side of my head.

I felt a huge pang start to spread throughout my head.

He pulled me back into the room away from the open window and slammed me BAE against a wall.

I grunted in pain, the ache in my back also spreading.

"E-Eunhyuk." I groaned, my eye swelling up and getting coated with blood that was practically leaking from the top of my head and covering my vision.

"You look stupid. Wanna have one last look at your girl before you die?" He said, jaw crackling and making that clicking sound.

I felt myself become pushed into the edge gain as the night wind washed the upper part of my body.

Half of me was dangling off the side of the building and I wanted nothing more but for him to let go.

Kill me now, because I'd rather die than see her smiling like she is right now with him.

I remind myself that I'm going to be killed and it'll be okay. He'll leave her alone. part of me believes that it'll be for Fany's sake, but another part of me feels like I'm dying for no reason. That I'm chasing a wild dream, a fantasy, something that I can't have.

Hey, at least your happy right? Fany-ah.

But I need to live. I promised Jonghyun. I wouldn't leave my brother alone once more.

A promise I made is a promise I'll keep.

"A stab in here and a shot right here." He said, doing exactly what he said. I've never felt such a searing pain envelope m body before. Then again, I became so numb that it jut kind of felt muddled.

"How would you like to die? Cunt." He spat, laughing hysterically as eh stared at the bloody knife, having fun man handling me like that.

"With you." I said. He slapped me across the face and my face was on fire. "This is why you were never apart of us. No one fucking liked you." I continued.

"You think I give a shit? You're nothing anymore, look at you. You're under my control, you're here begging for my mercy." He said, drool dripping all over my face. He shoved me back in the chair as he walked over to Jonghyun and propped him up. Jonghyun laid there breathing heavily, eyes beat up just like mine.

He made a mistake leaving me there across the room untied, because I limped over to him as he taunted Jonghyun. I tapped his shoulder and when he turned around with that freakish smile, I tackled him on the floor, grunting as my wounds ripped open further.

We struggled as I tried to pin him down, but my body was overworked. I was exhausted and I had no energy left. But I put every ounce into holding him down, to strangle him. He pushed me off with a powerful kick and I rolled over on the floor, clutching my stomach as my nails scratched the smooth concrete surface.

I heard those heavy footsteps approach me. I saw those dirt stained shoes come closer to me. He flipped me over and had a hand clamped around my neck. I pulled the knife out of the holder and hovered it above his chest.

He grabbed my hand and pushed back, the knife in our grasps shaking because of the opposing forces.

"You can't kill. You can't even try." He said while chuckling, still having a death grip on me. The hold on the knife I had tightened and I felt my blood vessels were about to burst.

He tilted his head and his eyes started to twitch."You wanna know why your mom died?"

"Fuck you." I choked out, slowly and achingly trying to impale him with the steel metal.

"You weren't even by her side when she died, oh she must've been so heartbroken." He cooed in the most satanic way and I've never wanted more but to kill him.

"Everyone fucking left you. You have no one left, everyone that enters your life eventually leaves." And that hit me. That hit me so hard because it was so true. I couldn't even look at him anymore. I looked anywhere but him, it was hard since he was right in front of me but I couldn't.

"Shut the fuck up!" I pressed the knife harder against his neck and he only chuckled, breathing and gasping for air as I tightened my hold against his neck.

"You wanna hear how your father-" I forced the knife into him. His facial expression changed and he smiled at me, choking on his words as blood seeped from his lips. It gave me shivers down my spine and I felt the blood ooze from him and into my trembling hand.

I dropped the knife on the floor and pushed him off me. I fell on the floor with a thump as i laid there sprawled out trying to regain some oxygen.

I stared at the dead man with his eyes wide open, still somehow having that coy smile.

Fucking hell.

My hand patted the surface as I stretched to grab the white cloth beside me as I lifted myself up and wrapped myself tightly around the torso with DIY gauze.

The material pressed tightly against my wounds and it was to hold them shut so I wouldn't lose that much blood.

Guess I'm not dying today.

I dragged my body over to Jonghyun and hoisted him up on my shoulder. That was when I noticed he wasn't. . responsive.

Just how long has he been like this? I placed him down once more and shook him. He laid there perfectly still. He wasn't. .?

"Jonghyun, Jonghyun!" I shook him harder, patting his face roughly as I wiped the blood away from his face.

Heechul and Kris came through the door, other members also came and crowded me. I glanced up in complete shambles, muting everything around me as I grabbed my little brother.

"Come on, wake up! Wake up, please wake up? We made a promise, we-we're supposed to leave t-together?" God my voice cracked. I knew that because my vision started to become blurry, my throat was itching and I felt hot.

My hands were gripped onto his shirt as I kept shaking him trying to get him up. I shouted at him, telling him to stop being stupid.

Kris pulled me away and I felt myself losing everything around me. My own conscious started to fade away and I knelt on the floor, leaning against Kris's leg as I stared at Heechul kneeling down beside him.

I saw Heechul shake his head and I wanted to ask what that meant. What the fuck did that mean.

Thoughts ran and ran through my head just like my racing heart. I could've done something, I would've prevented anything form happening to him. I shouldn't have dragged hi into this, I shouldn't have been back i the first place.

I wondered at that moment that I was with Eunhyuk, if I wasn't to enticed to kill him would I have noticed Jonghyun laying there dying? I didn't even know how he passed away. I didn't know.

I blacked out after that, and just like that eventful night 6 months ago, yet again I lost someone. They left.

'Everyone fucking left you. You have no one left, everyone that enters your life eventually leaves.' Eunhyuk, you were right. I'd give up anything to prove you wrong, but you are right.

I lived quietly and on the low after that incident. It had been a month and a half, not that long but it as another 7 months away from her.

When I saw the picture of me and Steph on the desk something inside me just made me go. I found myself at the airport, smiling at the receptionist as she checked my luggage in and gave me my plane ticket.

San Fransico

I adjusted my baseball cap and my shades, looking both ways as I gripped my bag tighter in my hands. I stepped inside the check in, and breathed.

With the paper bags of groceries in my arms I stepped inside the pocket fence and glanced at the houses number.

I looked down to the beige piece of paper in my hand just to double check if they were the right numbers.

I stepped onto the porch and wiped my hands on my trousers. My mind wandered what I was going to say, what I was going to do. My lame excuse was to just check up on her, to cook her a nice meal because that's what friends do right?

There was no answer so I turned my head to the side and look through the big glass pane.I should've known. What I saw back at that abandoned apartment building, dangling off the side of it was true.

Whatever the fuck his name was. That model guy, Lee Cheolwoo? They just had to be together. They looked so happy.

My had unconsciously gripped the brown paper bag so tightly that it tore a hole. I ad to stuff in my vegetables back through the hole as I gritted my teeth, my jaw grinding.

My girl and that fuck were sitting on the couch, hands fighting over a bucket of popcorn as they laughed so damn loudly. They were happy.

I pressed the door bell a few ore times with my jaw tightly snapped close.

I waited as the laughter died down and I heard soft foot steps follows by the door opening. Fany opened it and she looks better than eve.r I can say that genuinely because it's been so long that I forgot how she smiles. How wonderful she looks as her eyes make those crescents. How her pearly white teeth shine as she smiles, or how she sometimes covers her mouth with her hand out of politeness.

"T-Taeyeon? Hi?" She said taken back slightly from the sight of me.

I extended my arm and gave her back her favourite pajamas that's quickly also became my favourite night gown she always wore to bed. I was a little blunt handing it to her, I didn't even say hi.

She furrowed her brows and looked a bit distressed but still took her clothes back and looked up at me with her head tilted.

I dug around the paper back and felt the fluffy guys head. I pulled George out and gave her back her stuffed animal.

"You left these at my house." I muttered.

Lee whatever the fuck Ch-asshole came over behind her and smiled cockily.

I've never hated a male specimen so much in my life before.

"Oh. Um, the stuffed animal isn't mine. You can take it back Taeyeon-ah." She said softly, turning her head around to see her model guy friend, boyfriend. Who knows. I don't know if they're together but seeing the looks they're giving each other right now I'm going to assume he's dating her.

God please just take the stuffed animal. Every time I glance at it on my hair it reminds me of you.

You slept with it all the time, you practically always asked me to find it for you every night before you went to sleep. This was, yours. I gave it to you.

Please keep something from me, you took everything and left.

Except me.

So much for you coming back to me, right? Another 7 month break after you landed back home from my place and you're happy with someone else? I can't be bitter if I even wanted to. I have no right, but I will be.

"You practically claimed him yours. Just take it, please?" I pleaded. The awkward tension was just a little too much for me and I haven't recovered from the incident with Jonghyun. If anything, I was scared. I refused to interact with humans. Social interactions weren't my thing but I still lived my life 'normally' as it was.

Life has to go on, no matter what.

So I urged her to take it further by shoving it closer to her hand. She eventually took it but with reluctant looks.

"I'm going to go now." I said abruptly.

"Oh?" She said, sounding a little surprised.

"Bye." I turned around quickly and left, walking briskly around the corner.

She didn't call me name; but I didn't expect her to.

She didn't chase after me; but I didn't expect her to.

She didn't call me by my nick name; but that I expected her to.

I find so much comfort in that. 'Taetae' she's always said.

It sucks because she's always going to be my first love. Always.

I wanted to see her. I had the urge to see her after I almost died. I was so scared. I wanted to know if she was okay at least.

I threw the bags of groceries in a nearby trash can. So much for making her a dinner. I let my feet just take myself wherever I desired to go. I walked an hour from her house to a beach. I took off my shoes and let it hang on my middle and forefinger as I dipped my feet into the low tide.

I walked along the shoreline, looking up ever once in a while to stare at the glistening night's sky. The dots speckled the black backdrop and I exhaled before breathing in the fresh crisp air. In a way, I wanted to flush myself out.

Too much happened for little old me. At the age of what, 28? There were too many tragedies in my lifetime. I'd like to think I live a sad life, but I don't need pity. I'll be okay, eventually. It just takes time.

I'll be okay, just like when my mother passed. I'll be okay just like when my father left me, r when I ran away and shivered in the cold streets of Seoul. My young self at the age of 9 or so was scavenging the streets for food, shelter,r warmth and a family. I'll be okay just like when I left the 18K.

I kept thinking of her, thinking of Jonghyun and life as I sat myself down o the sand of the beach. I found peace in them, because it's the place where mom would always take me to play. I remember splashing around in the water and when I got too tired, I ran back to her as she sat there with open arms. Giggling, laughing and stroking my hair.

I unwounded on top of the sand and the sound of waves crashing. It pulled itself back and forth and I wondered when it would take me along too. I reminisced at that moment. I thought about the future and I thought about the present.

I told myself I'd be okay. I always will be.

But my hand that was running through the fine sand nicked something. I grabbed it and rubbed the essence of the beach off, looking at the little trinket. It was more of a fishing tackle.

I broke down at the sight of it. I cried, I yearned and I mourned. Jonghyun.

We were supposed to go fishing. I was supposed to fucking teach you how to fish. My little brother, I left you once. It is you that has left me.

I questioned my purpose. What was I here for, what can I do to give back to society? Is there anything that I could do to make someone happy other than myself. I want to give back. Thoughts like these kept me awake on that shore.

I don't know how long I stayed there. I didn't know if anyone else as on the beach but it was at least 9 at night. I was there though.

"Taetae?" My ears perked and I glanced up, but saw no one.

Great, was hearing things.

I felt soft nimble hands caress one of my shoulders and I exhaled. I stayed still like a statue and refused to look back.

Don't. I refuse to be hallucinating her.

I felt a gush of wind brush pass me and the soft thud of the sand.

The touch on my hand finally made me turn my head.

Damn it. I turned my head slightly and saw the profile of her face. I quickly turned back and felt my world slowing down. "Fany-ah? Hey."

"Hi." She said quite cutely, and instantly I wiped the tears off my face quickly.

"What's up."

She cocked a brow and shoved me gently on my shoulder.

"What?" I asked, a bit confused.

I knew that she was staring at me but I refused to make eye contact with her. "You came all the way from L.A.. to ask me that? . . How'd you find me Tae?"

"Soo- Friends." Whoops, almost slipped.

She nudged me and I probably just snitched on her friend. Oops.

"Why did you come here?" She continued. She kept prying and I didn't have the heart right now to answer her questions.

I thought of a lame excuse and just rolled with it."To give you back things."

"They weren't important." Ouch.

"Thought they were. Sorry." I mumbled.

She hummed and we both stared at the endless waves. The aura she gave, or even her presence was causing me to become a little bit uncomfortable. It felt so strange, she felt so foreign to me.

"Are you okay?" She said softly, breaking the silence.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Where are you staying?"

"Hotel."

"Oh."

"It's getting late, you should be home. It's also getting colder."

"I want to catch up, since you came all the way here?" She said. I took it as she indirectly still wanted to talk to me.

I had to go home. I had to go back to the hotel room. The pain was too much.

"Do you want to come to my hotel? We can chat there, it's warm at least." She looked at me hesitantly and when I just kept kicking the sand under my feet she finally said okay.

I slipped my shoes onto my feet again and walked back to the hotel, she was trailing behind me but not too far.

When we arrived I let her go first. She went into the living room and sat up a bit too straight for my liking. I offered her water or tea, but she declined politely. I shrugged and sat on the couch across from her.

I didn't know what to say but I had to get something off my chest. "You seeing anyone?" I blurted out.

"Yeah."

"How is it?"

"It's been great." She said, genuinely looking happy. I feel good when she's happy. I don't know why.

"That's good." She nodded.

"You?" She said quietly.

"I'm not seeing anyone."

"Why not?"

Because I'm still so madly stupidly and crazily in love with you . . .

"Too busy." My lame excuses.

"So, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing." Thinking about you. That's all I do. Truthfully.

"I saw your charity work on television. It was nice of you." I shrugged. God it was so awkward.

"Do you still teach?" She nodded. I felt her soft hands graze mine and I looked down. "Tae? Are you okay?"

"Yeah. Why would you ask that." I replied, looking away yet again.

"I don't know, you seem different." She said, trailing off.

Her phone rang and she unlocked it. I was stupid to think that she still had the photo of us on her phone's wallpaper. Of course she didn't. But I still did. She was smiling at it unconsciously before she looked up at me and broke that happiness.

Her stare at me looked uncomfortable and she went back into that awkward silent state. "I-I have to go. Sorry." She mumbled, looking at me apologetically.

You have to go back to him. I understand.

"Okay. Just shut the door when you leave. I'll lock it later." I muttered, getting up and leaving her alone in the living room as I went to the bedroom and closed the door behind me.

God, every moment I spent with her hurt my chest a little more.

I crawled over to the drawer and yanked it open, digging around the space feeling for the plastic bottle.

Please please there be more.

I grabbed the orange translucent bottle as I felt it around my fingertips, I laid back onto the ground and I popped the lid open and dumped the contents out.

Nothing. There was nothing.

I started breathing erratically; borderline hyperventilating.

I threw the plastic bottle on the floor, letting it clink and clank and make noise.

I clutched my chest, hating the searing pain that bore right in there.

I kicked over the full length mirror and let it create the most ear piercing shatter.

I wanted to leave now. I wanted to be gone.

My sight caught the empty orange canister again and I felt my adrenaline rush through my body.

I got up unscathed and threw my luggage in the bed, opening it to find the box of untouched cigarettes.

No matter how many drags I took from it, it didn't soothe me.

I wobbled over to the mink fridge and opened it, digging around for the largest bottle of alcohol I could get my sorry self's hands on.

I felt the familiar rectangular glass and pulled it out, popping open the lid and downing the entire bottle as fast as I could.

Some seeped from my lips and trailed down my neck as I smelt fresh alcohol linger in the air

But it wasn't enough. It didn't drown my sorrows deep enough that I couldn't feel anymore.

I was so frustrated. It didn't help. So I threw the bottle against the wall, seeing it shatter into pieces.

For some reason the painting of a random couple on the wall pissed me off. I walked up to it and punched it, breaking through the canvas and apparently enough to create a hole in the wall.

I withdrew my shaking fist and looked at my bloodied hand. The same hand that managed to kill Eunhyuk.

But the same hand couldn't save Jonghyun from dying.

I could still feel myself cracking piece by piece and I wanted nothing more but to just.

Die.

The only thing that was stopping me, was Jonghyun. Heechul. Kris. My family, my one and only family.

But my will to die was greater than my own will to live.

I'm not happy. I'm not okay. I'm sorry Jonghyun. Hyung has to break one more promise because you already left me.

I hastily grabbed the fruit knife on the table and ripped my shirt open, leaning against the nightstand I pointed the knife just above my chest.

God it's going to hurt.

"Taetae." I looked up and turned around to see her teary eyes, she was leaning against the door watching me like a scared little girl.

"Fany-ah, why are you here. Leave." I growled, hiding the blade away as she continued to look so small.

"What do you want Fany-ah? Why do you keep. . I don't get you. You have someone else, your life here is good. Don't, come near me. It was a mistake for me to come here."

"Tae. . please don't say such thing?"

I shook my head. "I'll wait for you. You said to not because you don't know when you'll come back to me. You said eventually, and I will continue to wait. But please, tell me what you want?"

Silence. Silence, silence silence.

"I'm suffering. I-I can't keep doing this to myself. I can't wait any longer, I'm giving up on you and frankly that's a good thing. I want to let you go so my heart can rest."

"Taetae, you're not okay." She said, tears streaming out of her eyes but she did not make a sound. Silent tears were always the worst.

"Fany-ah, answer me?" I begged. I needed to know.

She bit her lip and for the first time during that night, we locker gazes. "Tae, I-I think it's you. ." Is it me? My ears are deceiving me. I can't believe she'd say something like that so quickly.

She made her way to me and I almost fell back as she pounced on me.

She was breathing against my skin and when she shuffled I hugged her tighter. Fany is so petite, tiny, small and so cute. She's so precious.

"I missed you so terribly much." She whispered. I nodded.

I wanted to kiss her, to feel her skin on mine. To get as close as humanly possible with her but i felt like there was an invisible wall separating us from getting any closer.

I stared at her and got closer till I felt my lips touch her cheeks. She turned her head away, denying me from kissing her lips.

I pressed my forehead against hers and pleaded so damn pathetically with my eyes.

"Fany-ah, please don't?" Look at me my little one. Please don't shut me out.

She shook her head and placed her small palm on my chest, pushing herself up and distance her away from me a bit.

I rested my head on her shoulder and kissed her there. I sighed, closing my eyes as I felt her warmth. But she never did hug me. I sat there hugging her.

"We're so messy, so complicated and so utterly stupid. These past few months were so bad. We had such a messy fall out. I want to apologize for the things I've done. I'm sorry I cheated on you. I'm sorry I pulled you into this mess. I'm so sorry that I hurt you the way I did. But I asked if you could forgive me some day, you said in time. Now I realize, I'm in no place to ask for such forgiveness." I mumbled against her shoulder. She didn't move or say anything.

"I had a really hard time I'll admit, like after you left. I don't know why it hit me so hard like it did, but it kind of scared me. I guess I was too dependent on you. I'm sorry if I suffocated you." I apologized once more, my eyes starting to water.

I continued my relentless ramble. All this was build up in the course of those 7 months. I had to get this off my chest, I had to let her know. "I have no idea what you want. But I know what I want and it's you. You're my first love and I can't forget that." She started crying quietly after I told her what I needed to say.

In all of this I wanted to just hold me.

"Tell me a happy memory Fany-ah. Tell me something that made you smile, it can be about anything." I said quietly, looking at her as she gripped the hem of my shirt in her hands.

"The happiest time I had ever been?" I nodded.

She took a deep breath and bit her lip. Every time she was thinking hard she looked a little distressed and I've always found that so adorable of her.

"Those coins you gave me that were wrapped in blue paper Taetae? Do you remember that?"

Of course I do, I never got to finish.

"I-I opened them." She said, caressing the side of my cheek with her soft hand. I smiled, at the gesture and at how she found my little surprise.

"Did you now? Did it make you smile?" I asked. She nodded timidly again. I'm glad, I really am.

My gift to you. Those coins had meaning. Every single one of them till we stopped.

"Taetae. . I-I think we will always love each other." She said almost inaudibly.

"Of course, we always take care of each other hm?"

"But Taetae? The 7 months we were apart. . . I know you have been keeping an eye on me."

"Hm. you would've found out sooner or later. I just wanted to keep my promise. You'll be okay. I wanted to check up on you personally because I no longer will be updated on you anymore. You're safe now."

She gave me a small smile. "Thank you." I nodded and closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to take me away. The feeling was there, but I was kept up by the girl I was hugging on my lap.

"Tae?" She said so tenderly that I felt light headed. Her palm smoothed over my torso but stopped as I felt her smear blood on me.

"Yes?"

"T-Tae why are you. . Taetae." She said, slowly bringing her bloody hand up to see. Her eyes double, her hands shook, she quickly went to my side and pulled my shirt away. I turned my head slowly at her.

I heard her soft gasp.

"N-No, Taetae you're bleeding. Tae, no, please don't do this." She said with her voice breaking.

Oh my babygirl.

"Y-You stabbed yourself, w-why would you do that. Taetae, why would you do that!" She wailed, shaking me as she cried so heartbreakingly.

I'm so sorry.

"Don't go Taetae, please don't go." She whispered, wiping her tears away frantically as she tugged at my fingers.

I loved how soft and supple her hands were. I loved how they were so gentle with me, how it fit so nicely with mine.

"I-I'm calling for help please don't sleep Taetae."

I shook my head one last time as I squeezed her hand, blacking out as her voice dwindled down every second.

I did it while she told me about her happiest moment. I was glad that I was her happiest moment. Her happy days admits the fucked up shit we went through. She still found happiness.

It was just too much. She was no longer mine. Jonghyun has left. I had no purpose. I live on a day by day basis empty and deprived from most things. I was no longer human, or living. I live long days hoping that eventually the society will bring me back as a human being. But days pass and I that glimpse of hope is fading away and I can't do anything about it.

I can't grab it, reach it, or hold it.

"Taetae, please. . You said you'll wait for me. I-I will come back but I can't if you're not there Taetae. . ." She whispered. I felt her tears drop onto my hand and even though in my state, I could still feel sad with her.

I can wait no longer. It just pains me.

Take care of yourself. You deserve happiness, so find it. Do what makes you smile, be with people who make you feel that way. Be happy, and love yourself.

Don't worry about me, love.

I will watch over you, so don't be afraid.

Taetae will watch you. Just like how Jonghyun said he will watch over me.


	21. Back To You

Stephanie Hwang

For me, heartbreak wasn't me drowning myself in alcohol, doing drugs till I'm as high as a kite or going home with strangers to satisfy whatever pleasure I had.

I wasn't that way, but it was for Tae.

My heartbreak, wasn't me crying rivers after rivers in bed till my eyes were puffy, it wasn't the copious amounts of ice cream, chick flicks marathons or the onslaught of blind dates served just like a fast food restaurant; quick and easy.

For me, heartbreak was on a random morning before work, standing in front of the mirror remembering to smile because Taeyeon liked seeing those eye smiles.

I felt like I was living with a loose piece missing from me.

But I didn't dwell on the past. So I lived the first peaceful months of my life without anyone but myself. And Prince.

But he's so unfair to me.

He was the last person I know who would do such thing.

I couldn't comprehend and grasp what was happening right now. It came out in such a shock to me that I just ended up sitting there, hugging him.

I knew when the door clicked help had come. I was pulled off gently off Tae by Heechul and quickly they whisked him away.

I remained seated, staring at the space once occupied by my used to be best friend.

I looked down to see his blood on my hands. I grabbed his shirt and wiped it off as harshly as I could. It wouldn't, it stained my hands.

I pressed my forehead against the nightstand and held onto his shirt.

I really didn't know what to say, or think.

This is so damn unfair.

A part of me hates him, and another part of me still loves him and pity's him.

He's selfish, he should've known how this would make me feel. It's my fault he was like this. If I hadn't . . just left he would've been fine. If I could've just hang on for a bit more then maybe all our problems would've pass. None of this would've happened.

But at the same time I can't believe he'd think so decisively to the point where he made a decision to leave the face of earth.

"Hey, are you okay?" I glanced up at the voice and nodded, staying quiet.

"I-I don't know what happened here, but I'm going to be honest. I don't know if he's going to make it." I looked away. I wish I never heard that.

I was better off not knowing if he would be alive or not.

"I just saw him for the first time in months then suddenly he wants to end his life. What happened to him?" I mumbled, bringing my knees up to my chest.

He sighs and squats down to my level. He extends his hand out for me and I look at it hesitantly. I don't want to leave. I felt binded to Tae's hotel room. His bedroom, where his belongings were, where I saw him last before he was put onto a stretcher.

Heechul curls his fingers and lets his hand down, and just before he left it loose on his side I grabbed his hand. He stood up and pulled me up along with him, my own two feet feeling numb.

Where we went? I don't know. I followed him. He was like someone you had the feeling you could trust. He was close to Tae right, maybe it was just me trying to hold on to anything related of him.

The car came to a stop and when he turned the soft radio music down I turned my head to the window. Didn't think a cafe would open at such a late time but who knows, the city never sleeps.

Heechul and I sat across from each other. He had a cup of coffee and I had a cup of tea. My hand molded against the cup, letting the warmth embed itself and radiate along it.

My mind couldn't stop running back to the day where Tae and I drank coffee tea together, sitting on the couch of the penthouse suite in German as I made fun of his orange polo shirt. I unconsciously smiled and Heechul looked pretty amused, tapping his spoon on the dish which made me snap out of it.

"What's so funny?" He asked, I nodded my head and hid my shy smile.

He places his spoon back into his cup and clears his throat. "Are you willing to listen to everything I have to say?" I nodded. I wasn't really mentally or emotionally prepared since I just literally saw my lover stab himself.

"I-I don't know where to start but, you're free. As in, no ones coming after you anymore because Eunhyuks dead. Taeyeon killed him." My eyes widened. Killed. Taeyeon. Him. Three words in a sentence I didn't think I would hear.

I knew Tae was capable of doing such thing, but it still sounded so foreign to me.

"This was a month ago, here in San Francisco. You've heard about the Golden Koi attack right? That was us. The whole triad was there." He continued.

Oh, that. Right. It was utter chaos. I didn't even know that happened till late at night. I was at the park with Cheolwoo till I got a text from dad asking me if I was home and safe.

The next day the city was literally on lockdown, a bunch of people were arrested, murdered, injured and homeless. The streets parishes and there was literally no signs of civilization for the next week.

I didn't think much of it.

"We found out Eunhyuk was traveling here but it was suspicious because he has nothing here. No connections, no businesses so we assumed he was coming for you."

"Anyways, the city was basically fucked. I don't know exactly what happened but it ended up being Eunhyuk, Jonghyun and Taengo in one room."

"I know Taeng killed him but in the middle of that Jonghyun and Taengo were both seriously injured. When I arrived Taeng had Jonghyun in his arms trying to get him to wake up. But he was unconscious."

Taeng and the word injured still made me feel so fluffy from the time he was such a nobleman to me. I still felt the thumps and forces of people mauling Tae in my daydreams when I think back of the day.

"Jonghyun passed away." I sat there feeling so much for Heechul and Tae. They went through so much, yet I still don't know anything about their past. It was tragic for sure. Someone passing still felt so unreal to me. I've heard of the guy since Tae kind of talked about him, but other than that there's nothing else I know.

Heechul looked so distraught, I didn't want him to feel didn't he needed to tell me that if it made him feel that way. "I'm so sorry." Heechul nodded and muttered a thanks.

"You know, Jonghyun meant a lot to Taengo. They were like brothers. Taeng wasn't really okay after that. It was pretty bad, he blamed himself for it. I couldn't say anything because I didn't know what happened leading up to like death. I wish I knew what happened in that room." He trailed off, stirring the metal spoon in his coffee cup. The sounds of it clinking on the glass kept clicking and clicking.

"Taeyeon didn't even attend Jonghyun's funeral. . ." He stopped after that and I just rubbed my hands together. I didn't know what to say. What worries me is Tae's well being. Him not attending his best friends funeral says a lot. He's not okay.

I reached over and touched Heechul's hand, comforting him as lightly as I could. "He came back here. I don't know why he did." Heechul muttered.

"I don't know either, he showed up at my door unannounced. I was a little blindsided by it."

"I'm sorry you have to go through this." I shrugged. He didn't have to be sorry, it wasn't his fault

As the night grew thin there was just one thing in my mind I had to know the answer to.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" I asked, hoping he'd know the answer to my question.

"I don't know honestly."

"Oh."

"But I know he knew exactly what he was doing. He knew where to stab himself to bleed the most. If anything he lost a lot of blood. That fucking punk." Heechul said through gritted teeth.

My heart felt heavy, a little weary if I can say.

We just talked throughout the night, about life really. After he told me what happened I didn't feel much.

That same night that I laid in bed thinking about Tae's well being, I just hoped he was okay.

I didn't sleep since my mind was so awake. All I thought about was him, the blood that stained my hands at one point and if he'd make it.

Please make it Taetae. It's too soon for you to go.

I got a call the next day from Heechul. I hovered above the answer and decline buttons, not knowing what to expect.

I'm better off not knowing.

Heechul: He's, okay.

Heechul: Visiting hours are open soon, you can decide if you want to come or not.

God bless was all I said when I heard him say. I placed the phone face down onto the mattress and turned to my side.

I sighed and pulled the covers above my head, hiding underneath and I felt the bed shuffle.

"Good morning babe."

I sighed. Cheolwoo is the least of my worries right now.

"Hi." I squeaked, my voice laced with sleep. I felt his hand intertwine with mine and he pulled me closer to him, I felt his warmth and he hummed against my head. The soothing pats on my back reminded me so much, of someone else.

"I have a photo shoot today till 8, I won't be back home for dinner." He mumbled. I looked up and he tiredly squinted at me. He looked so kid like.

I pinched his nose and he huffed, kissing my shoulder as his hand trailed down my back. Further down till it reached my ass.

"Cheol. ." I mumbled, pushing him by his chest as I tried to get his attention.

He leaned forward and kissed my neck, nibbling on it as I felt his cup my cheek. His tongue started to wet my skin and I tensed up and shut my eyes, letting out a sound of bliss when I felt him bite lightly.

"Yeah?" He asked huskily, that one hand squeezing my flesh. I yelped and kicked his shin lightly. He didn't react and when that warm hand slipped in between the waistband of my shorts my own hand shot right to my back and held his hand firmly, not letting him go further.

"Stop it."

"Why?" He asked innocently with a frown.

"You know why."

I caught him rolling his eyes and I was seriously about to tell him off. But before I could he got up and went to the washroom and I knew he was mad at me.

I got out of bed and went downstairs. I walked past him and he didn't say anything else but quietly ate breakfast. I was so frustrated by him at times. Sometimes he just doesn't understand.

After he left for work I prepared a little sandwich and packed it in my bag, getting into my car to driving to the place I asked myself if it was okay if I went.

I'm going because I'm worried, I want to know more.

My curios side, my loving side just swept over my consciousness.

I opened the door handle and peeked in, noticing how the walls were so white, the curtains were drawn and the occasional beeps from the monitors made it seem so, lifeless.

I stepped onside, not forgetting to close the door behind me, afraid that I'd wake him.

Tae looked so, lifeless, just like the room. He laid there with clips and wires coming out of his body, he hair was tussled and his chest rose up and down in a pace slower than usual

I sat on a little stool right beside him, not too close yet not too far. He was breathing, he was alive.

My trembling hand went up to caresses his hand that was beside him, running my fingers tips along his knuckles and occasionally bumping into that wire that he needed.

I felt like it was so wrong to touch him and be so close to him.

"Taetae. ." I whispered, glancing up to see if he had heard me.

Of course not.

Whatever I felt fitting beside him was so humane into he sense that I felt so much for him.

When Heechul swords was repeated constantly in my mind I got so riled up.

I hated how he did this to himself, how he did it in front of me and how selfish he can be.

He knew what he was doing, he knew where it would hurt the most so that he'd be able to leave for sure.

But that sliver of miracle I begged and pleaded for shone through, and here he is now.

Lucky or not, he was close. He was so stupidly close and I want nothing more but to beat him up.

He shuffled in his spot and grunted. I looked up to see him opening his eyes as he looked around.

My first reaction was to instinctively give him a piece of my mind for scaring me like that. "You idiot, you stupid, you babo!"

"Why would you do that to yourself! Why do you do that to me!"

I practically screamed at him. He looked frightened and startled but he never tore his gaze off me.

"Explain to me? Your thought process Kim. You think I'd be able to live with myself watching yo do that? Do you realize how I feel?" I shoved his shoulder and he frowned.

He gulped and looked away. I was so mad at him, mad enough to rip the covers from him to get his attention.

"It's my fault? Isn't it. That you're like this? I'm the root of your problem?" I repeated, my voice straining as I looked crazy.

"No-No, please don't think that." He said, shaking his head.

"Well look at you, and look where you are right now. Remember what you did? You fucking stabbed yourself right in front of me. How else am I supposed to think!"

I heard him inhale. "I did it when you just walked in. There was nothing you could've done to prevent it, I already did. . ." He said quietly. My mouth literally dropped when he told me

"It's none of your fault, so please don't think so." He continued on.

"How can you say that? You're so selfish. . . Did you not think about what will happen if you left? What I wound feel, say or -" He placed a hand on mine and stopped me.

"Why did you come back to my room? I thought you left."

I took a long time answering. I didn't remember why I even went back, but when he kept knitting his brow waiting for an answer it clicked. "I heard some noise and I-I thought you fell over or something."

He gulped again and I handed him a bottle of water. "How long were you there?" His voice still sounded so scratchy.

"Not long enough because I didn't see you hold the knife. The entire time we were talking, you were bleeding out?"

He nodded

I hated that. We were talking about good things, kind of. We were so close to each other, I was practically sitting in his lap, leaning in his shoulder listening to his apology. Little did I know, he was dying right before me.

"Did you really mean it? With what you said?" I asked.

He nodded and sighed.

I felt sympathetic for the guy. I didn't mean to shout at him. It's too much for him, for me to yell at him when he just woke up. "You're not okay Taetae. . . what happened."

"Nothing." I wanted to interject. I wanted to know more, to fight with him. But when he looked so tired I didn't press on.

The doctor's and nurses came in to check on him but by the time he was done I had to go and he had fallen asleep.

I glanced at the watch on my wrist and reluctantly looked up. I didn't want to go so soon but I had work.

I took out the sandwich I made out of my bag and placed it on the counter next to his bed.

With a note in hand I placed it on top of the wrapped sandwich, it read 'Eat, Tae. I'll be back tomorrow.'

With a small smile I shut the door to his room as my last look saw him sleep more calmly than before.

He's alive, breathing. He's okay.

The next couple of days involved me visiting him every now and then.

I didn't think he wanted me there because it always got awkward with that silence.

I didn't stop though. He's my best friend, or was. The least I can do is support him since he's all the way here in San Francisco.

I always left a lunch for him and he seemed to eat it, but he never mentioned anything else abut it.

It was when I sat in his room accompanying him with his checkup. He told me was afraid of needles and I was there amused as can be when he practically screamed when the nurse walked to him with his shot in hand.

"Can you not? Like I don't need it."

"You need it." I piped up.

"Shut up Hwang." He hissed. He scootched over and avoided the needle like the plague.

I couldn't stop smiling. Big bear was afraid of a measly needle.

"Pussy."

"Fuck you, okay? They're sharp, pointy and pokeable." He says, rubbing his arms and bending all the way back to avoid the needle.

The nurse sighed. "Mr. Kim, you need this or you won't get better."

"I can do without, thanks." He said, waving his hand.

The nurse told him to close his eyes for a few seconds. He looked at her skeptically and then when he actually did the nurse kind of stabbed him in the arm and pulled the needle out in a split second.

It took a few seconds for it to register, but when it did Taeyeon was hollering, screaming and about to pass out as he stuttered.

"W-W-W-W-Why?!" He screamed, lifting up his shirts sleeves to look at his arm that had a new bandaid covering his needle shot.

I sat in my chair giggling at the kid like man, missing his dorkiness and stupidity.

The nurse winked at me and walked out with her head held high, probably glad she accomplished her daily task of tending to Taeyeon who as so painstakingly needy.

"Calm down Taeyeon-ah, you have to get used to it anyways."

"Why do you get to talk? You're allowed to walk out of here and go get yourself a burger while I'm stick taking needles to my ass and eating gloop from the fucking cafeteria." He sulked and kept whining.

I smacked his forehead and he held his head like I severely injured him. "Fany-ah." He whined.

"Stop being a big baby."

He let out a 'pfft' and threw his pillow at me which I caught and threw back. I should've smothered the guy with it. "Can you take me somewhere?" He asked.

I laughed and shook my head. "I don't think I'm allowed to do that."

"Just drop me off there and then I'll have Heechul pick me up? Please, I-I just want to leave this room."

"I can't."

He looked up at me with that stupid puppy eyes and I sighed.

"I feel like this is borderline illegal." I mumbled, looking behind me to see if the doctor or whatever was there.

"It's not, it'll be okay. Just like leave a note on the bed for the doctor or something." He reasoned, grabbing paper and pen from the side of his bed.

"Tae, I'm not sure if it's okay for your health."

"Sure it is! Trust in me Ms. Hwang!"

I sighed, and nodded.

I sat him up on his bed and threw him his shirt and pants, telling him to get dressed as I turned around. I had thoughts about helping him, but I really had no position doing that. It was weird, we're no longer 'lovers' just friends. And friends don't peek at each other changing because well, that's weird.

When he was done I felt a soft cloth hit the back of my head. He had a smug smile on his face as I felt his shirt around my neck. That little bear threw his shirt at me as if he's some entitled prince.

Nonetheless he got onto his feet and we both snuck out of his hospital ward. I glanced back at his bed and this fool made a makeshift 'person', underneath the sheets was a big lump and I saw a circular head rest on the pillow. Gosh, it wasn't believable but at the same time it kind of was.

I smacked Tae's shoulder and he gave me a 'what'. I nudged him and made him look back at his piece of work, he sniggered and I giggled along too.

Tae was funny, and I've missed that feature of him so badly.

Both of us looked both ways into the hallway as we peered our heads out each corner, sliding up against a wall like a secret agent. We shuffled along the walls and when we saw an exit with stairs we booked it and went all the way to parking level 3, where my car was.

We were both out of breath and I was surprised to see him catch up to me even though he was practically injured. He leaned on me as he tried to catch his breath. Every now and then he inhaled and exhaled sharply and I thought he was going to pass out.

I dragged him into my car and he sat in the passenger seat, opening his phone to type in an address.

He set the phone on the dashboard and pointed at it.

"I need to get something, then we can go okay?" I nodded.

I did what he said, but the car ride was awkward and silent. Tae himself sat there without a peep and I glanced at him every now and then. For some stupid reason my heart fluttered and I was somewhat itching to get him to talk.

We haven't for so long, and now we're like good friends. On good terms.

I didn't pry further though. I just focused on getting to our destination and when we did he stepped out of the car and opened the trunk, pulling out a long rod and when I looked at is closer it was a fishing rod.

I followed him as he went through a thicket of bushes and a gravely trail. As we went further in it opened up to a beautiful large lake, encircled by a cove like area. My eyes glanced at the crystal clear still water, looking onward to he mountainous sky that reminded me of his house, his cove, his man cave.

He sat on the ledge of the cliff and fiddled with his rod. I didn't know what else to do so I joined him. I thought I was a bit too close because we kind of touched knees. I accidently brushed my hands on top of is too and I still felt so giddy.

Those familiar feelings were returning back to me.

I looked over to see him casting and reacting his fishing line.

He hummed a tune and smiled.

The wind blew against his body and it made him look so peaceful.

"You wanted to come out and fish?"

"Yeah, don't judge okay? It's my happy place." He said.

I thought he was so cute for saying that; his happy place.

"You do seem happy."

"Well I am. I'm fishing aren't I?" I nodded in agreement.

I watched him whistle in happiness, eventually reeling in a fish in which I squealed and looked away.

"Wanna try?" He asks, gesturing the rod to me. I shook my head.

"Fish and their eyes scare me, so no thanks."

"Fish eyes? Is that your deepest darkest fear Fany?"

"Yes, don't judge."

"Judging you." I playfully shoved him by his shoulder and he threw the fish beside me in protest.

I screamed and got up quickly, backing away from the flopping fish trying to get back into the water.

"Tae!" I screamed, hating how he was rolling on the ground laughing.

I went over to him and started beating him up. And by beating him up I mean throwing hands at him, yelling at him, whining at him and complaining a crap ton.

But when the laughter died down, we both were laying by each other with our shoulders touching.

I turned to face him and I had so ma t questions start to fill my endless thoughts.

"Tae?" I whispered.

"Yeah?" He replied back in a quiet tone.

"Why did you decide that you wanted to leave the world?"

He thought hard for quite a bit but when he turned around he smiled a little. "Truthfully, it was because I lost a lot of people that I cared about. I felt really lonely, like I was left alone."

"D-Do you mean Jonghyun?" He nodded slowly. He put his hands behind his head and stared up into the sky.

"And you, I lost you too."

"No, Tae you didn't."

"You mean a lot to me too. And like, we didn't talk for so long. I think I kind of just lost it."

I sat up and poked his shoulder, rubbing my fingers there.

"You scared me Taetae."

"Sorry, I won't do it again. It was selfish of me, you were right. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Hm."

"It's not your fault so please don't think that it is. I know what I did doesn't really support that but it really isn't." He reassured me.

"I can't stop thinking that it is. I could've done something."

"It couldn't be helped. Forget it okay? We're in a better place now." I was quite shocked. I liked this new Tae.

"Were you sure that you were going to die?"

He nodded. "I was very sure."

He sat back up and continued to cast his line. Every time he caught a fish he let it go, but he always tried throwing it at me and making me squeal every time.

Did I hate him for doing that? Yeah. But I couldn't help but feel like we were okay when we both laughed. We smiled with the time spent together.

I kept him company as he did what he loved. I didn't know the reason why he abruptly wanted to sneak out of his hospital room to go fish.

Of all things fishing. But I didn't question it. If it made him happy then it made me happy too.

I cared for him, and he did too.

Even when we returned back to the city and the hospital I couldn't stop smiling.

I laughed so hard when the nurse that gave him the shot found him in his room, scolding him for leaving the room. She pinched and pulled his ear for scaring her like that.

She even threatened to give him some random vitamin shots just for the fun of it.

He shook his head and pleaded on his knees, begging her to have mercy.

When I saw him pull out his duffel bag and set it on the bed I was a little uneasy.

"You're leaving?" I asked quietly. My voice dripping with disappointment.

"Yeah, Heechul's taking me home."

"Okay." Damn.

I sat on the edge of his bed, folding his clothes for no reason.

He smiled at me and I shot him a questioning look.

"It's nice of you to do that for me. Thank you." Ah.

I shrugged. I smoothed out his favourite silk short sleeved shirt, fixing the colour and buttoning it up.

My hands ran over and over the silk material many times. I started to space out because I had so many things I wanted to say to him.

"Tae, be good for me okay?"

"You told me that before, have I not been good?"

I shook my head. No, you haven't.

He sat up a bit taller and with worrisome eyes looked at me. He looked really cute to be quite honest. "Really?" He said quietly.

I nodded. "Be good, because I will come visit you."

His eyes looked like they were twinkling just like a cartoon characters. That innocent look on Tae's face.

Truthfully, I wanted him to just stay alive. Who knows what he will do, because I certainly no longer know what he's capable of. I'm scared.

I don't want to lose him like that again, it frightens me.

"You will?" He squeaked.

"Mhm."

"Okay. When?"

"Soon."

"When is soon?"

I smiled at the endless questions he kept asking me. Wanting to pry the answer out of me.

"Promise me you'll be okay?"

"Will you promise to visit me soon?" He shot right back with a quirky smile.

I nodded. "Then I promise you too."

I patted his leg and got up, slipping the shirt into his duffel bag.

"Can you update me on Prince? I wanna know if he's got a girlfriend yet." I smiled, nodding and zipping up his bag.

"He's working on it. It's not really working since you know, he's gotta have a wing man."

"That's me." He said confidently, giving me a weak smug smile as best as he could. I laughed.

I laughed a warm laugh. One that was so full of genuine happiness that I hadn't felt for a long time.

"I have a present for you." I said, almost forgetting that I did.

"Wow, really? What's the occasion."

"It's a get well present."

I handed him a bag and he took it, opening it and grabbing the content out and putting it on his lap.

He kind of just stared at it, a bit confused at first.

"A duck?"

"Correction, a stuffed animal ducky."

"Thanks? I guess?"

I felt a little uneasy. Maybe he didn't like my gift.

"I just thought that since you gave me monkey George, I might as well give you another stuffed animal to sleep at night with."

He cracked a smile and shook his head, looking at the fluffy toy in utter disgust.

"He's too yellow, it hurts my eyes." He says, squinting at it before roughly shaking it.

"Please don't abuse the toy? Take care of it and take care of yourself okay?"

"Yes ma'am." He saluted, hugging the duck.

I hugged him goodbye and told him I'd call every once in awhile to check up on me.

I warned that if he got into some sort of trouble I'd personally come down to L.A.. and beat the marbles out of him.

He smirked and said 'more reason to cause havoc.'

When he really did fly back home I kind of didn't know what to do after my days at work.

I thought of him as I went to get takeout. I placed the bag on the passenger side and drove to Cheol's photo shoot.

Maybe a really attractive model could deviate my mind from my former love life.

Going into the agency I was intimidated by the bright lights and constant models walking past me.

God, the girl who passed me was so hot. Like, she had legs and I wish I had long legs.

Damn it.

With my plastic takeout bag in hand I looked up to read the signs.

Gold plate after gold plate I scanned over i looked like a lost tourist in china or something.

I looked around and everyone seemed to be doing their own thing, no one was inviting for me to ask for directions.

I thought about texting Cheolwoo but I wanted to surprise him.

I walked past an open door and didn't think much of it, but when I heard the giggles echo in the spacious room, I stopped when I heard that familiar husky tone.

"Baby, come on dance with me yeah?"

"We can't, we have to shoot."

"Director won't be back till a couple of minutes, come on it'll be fun."

I stood at the doorway and watched in amusement with how his hands were on some girls hips.

They trailed down and cupped her ass, and I saw him squeeze it as she squealed.

He started to press kisses along her neck and when she moaned I cleared my throat.

He looked up, hands still somewhat up her skirt. I raised a brow and he immediately let go of her and she stumbled forward.

"Really?" I said, amused.

He shook his head and started to walk towards me. I scoffed and turned on my heel, walking away from him.

"Tiffany, hey hey come back." I walked faster down the hall as I heard my heels click.

My hand clutched the plastic bag before throwing it out harshly into the trash can.

I kept hearing my name being called over and over again.

But I never did stop and turn around. It wasn't then till he grabbed my arm and forcibly turned me around.

I had my eyes bore right into him. I felt my cheeks heated, feeling so humiliated by him.

"She was just a co-worker, please don't b-"

"A coworker you groped and kissed, flirting her as you tried to get into her pants. Okay, Lee Cheolwoo. We're done."

"Wait, no it's just a misunderstanding. We were just dancing? Okay, I-"

"Please stop making lame excuses. I watched you for 15 minutes. You were definitely trying to sex her up."

"Why are you so pressed? It was just a little fun."

I laughed so hard in his face. He didn't look amused, but rather confused. He kept holding onto my arm and I pushed him away.

"We're done."

"What the hell Tiff?"

"Can you really blame me? It's not like you were putting out either. ." He dared to say.

"Wow, congrats. You just gave yourself the title, 'biggest douche of the century' just because I wouldn't suck your dick or give you what you wanted." I spat, hating him so much.

I have morals. I'm not going to be pressured into letting my body be used for their entertainment purposes. I knew what he was doing but looked past it because he kind of made me happy.

But with longer days and weeks spent with him, it really did look like he was only here with me for that reason; sex and only that.

He shrugged and I couldn't even believe him.

I shoved past him and got into my car. He kept tugging the door. I drove away and didn't even care about him anymore.

I guess it was just some stupid puppy love between the two of us. I wasn't necessarily attracted to him. It didn't hurt when I saw him. Frankly, it's like I didn't;t have a care.

Just kind of hurt knowing that what he really wanted from me was that.

I shook the thought out of my head and headed to the club I first met him, wanting to dance away my problems in the night, maybe have a little fun, drink a bit. Nothing too drastic.

I squinted at the neon blue lights as soon as I stepped inside the thick doors. The sound of roaring music, chatters of the crowd and cigarette smell filled my nose. My head started to pound a bit from the overzealous tunes of beats.

I weaved my way through the crowd and smiled as I caught a group of my friends sitting in the lounge, huddling around each other.

A waitress walked by my with a tray of drink and when her back was turned against me I quickly grabbed one off the tray and continued to walk into the direction I knew would start my night.

"Tiffany, hey! Haven't seen you in forever! Where's Cheol?" I shrugged and smiled, letting the guy's arm wrap around my shoulder.

I glanced at the illuminated dance floor and tugged the guy towards it, seeing my friends whistle and wink at us.

I felt so electrified when I was out. Rebelling was it? Not exactly I was outgoing yeah, I made friends easily, I talked to people because it's my nature, my personality. But it somehow felt so wrong.

I had like that teacher side of me, you know that innocent side. But then my 26 year old side was showing right now, partying, drinking or whatever. I was still young, I wanted to have fun.

The night felt extra long. Each shot I took prolonged the night. My body felt so exhausted yet so alive. I didn't have an exact purpose as to why I was here, but it didn't matter.

I grabbed then nearest guy and pushed him against the wall, giving him a look that made him smirk back. He leaned in and paused just before he touched me with his lips. My hands clutched the guys shirt and pulled him closer, mashing our lips together as I felt his hand press him against me.

I smiled against his lips, but losing that sensation when I felt myself get pulled back.

"Tiffany." Cheolwoo said with such a low growl. I frowned when I saw him, turning my head back to the guy who was standing in front of me. He looked pretty pissed.

"Hey, the fuck do you think you are? Piss off kid." That random stranger I pulled out of the club to kiss had said.

Did I care? Not exactly, but when they had a shoving match I rolled my eyes.

I walked away and grabbed my bag, throwing some cash onto he table to pay for whatever I had tonight.

I quickly slipped out the back door but when I heard that same door being slammed open I quickened my pace.

"Stop fucking running away!" Cheol's voice boomed and it sounded exactly like the time Tae told me that too.

I snapped and turned around, slapping him across the face.

He glanced up, holding his cheek and I didn't even let him speak. "What makes you think you can say that! You were the one who flirted with some other girl, had your perverted hand in some girls pants, kissed someone else and then tell me it was nothing! Don't come here and start causing chaos and making me look bad!" I yelled, shoving him back.

The alcohol that had started to take over my body had caught up fully now. I felt so tipsy, I felt like I slurred my sentences just a bit but when he showed up my anger just sparked.

"Why are you all over some other guy?" He had the nerve to ask that.

"We're done did I not make that clear? Whatever I do doesn't concern you."

"It does when you're out here whoreing yourself up with someone you don't know." He muttered.

"Everything that comes out of your mouth just gets worse and worse. Remember you told me you were different? That's what they all say you pretentious asshole." I narrow

I wanted to turn away but somehow Cheol always had a every lasting grip on me. His fiery lit eyes and clenched jaw made me look twice at him. He didn't scare me, I wasn't afraid of him.

Just like how I did with that stranger in that club, he pushed me up against a wall, arms trapping me. I gripped his bicep and squirmed.

He pressed his lips against mine with such force I couldn't even move. His hands trailed up my dress and touched my skin with his smooth warm hands. I relaxed and he broke the kiss, moving down to my neck and wetting the spot there.

I shoved him back with both palms on his chest and when I glanced up he had my lipstick smudged against his lips.

I pulled him out of the back alley and we both stumbled into a taxi, our hands unable to keep off each other that night and I knew exactly what I wanted tonight from him.

I had to keep his face away from my neck or we'd probably do each other in the car. I kept pushing his face away playfully, both of us were too occupied by each other.

I felt the sweet bitter liquor on his lips and I couldn't stop tasting him. The taxi driver looked at us once n awhile, he shook his head and kept his head on the road.

Cheol through a bundle of cash into his lap to shut him up before he pulled me out o the car and carried me to my house.

Then again, we stepped into the hall and as soon as it closed he pressed me up against the wall.

I turned my head to see our reflection in the mirror. him attacking my neck again as I wiggled in his hold. My hands went up his neck and into his hair, pulling on it to get his attention.

We fumbled our way up the stairs, giggling in the halls as he slammed the door open, pushing me on the bed. He took his shirt off and I still admired that lean body.

But then I sat there and compared.

He wasn't like Tae. His jaw, wasn't so defined, wasn't so sharp. His body wasn't that built muscular body I admired from Tae. His hands that touched me weren't as soft as his either, or the way he kissed me wasn't lovingly like he did.

It wasn't a nice thing to compare him with Tae. I did it anyways as I bit my lip, imagining anyone but Cheol. That anyone was Tae.

I'm such a bad person.

when he stripped me bare and was settling in between my legs my senses came to me and I held his hands tightly.

"I-I can't." I whispered.

He let out a frustrated sigh and sat up.

I laid there covering my body with the blanket at the edge of the bed. As far away from Cheolwoo as possible.

Even through my somewhat of a tipsy-drunk state I still had my consciousness.

"Tiffany." He said, reaching out for me.

"Don't." I reminded him.

"I-I thought we were?"

"Sorry, I-I can't." It felt so wrong.

He sighed and touched my bare shoulder. I turned further away from him and hid my face in the blanket.

Both of us were intoxicated. I had a whole nother scenario that played in my mind tonight.

I didn't expect myself to reject it and deviate away from my plan.

I thought I was ready.

Turns out I wasn't.

I wasn't ready and I was sure as hell not going to give my first to someone I wasn't quite feeling for.

God, what was I thinking.

"Leave, please. We're done here." I said in a hushed tone.

He picked up his clothes and got dressed, slamming my bedroom door and the house door on his way out.

Ever since that we haven't talked.

It didn't affect me that much. I didn't care. It was dumb.

I guess I just wanted accompaniment for the time being.

Sooyoungie: baby Fany come visit me, I need your opinion on a dress. :(

Miyoungie: You can just send a pic of it to me ._.

Sooyoungie: It's a dress I want to get laid with. Come on, it's for the guy I told you about. Also, it's about damn time you visited.

Miyoungie: ugh. you're so needy.

Sooyoungie: I don't care I miss you. :'(

Miyoungie: lol ok. oh, I also ended things with Cheol. :s

Sooyoungie: bitch, you're flying over here right now. I want to know every single detail. It's an order.

Miyoungie: ._.

Sooyoungie: don't give me that face.

Miyoungie: ._. fine.

Either way I couldn't get Tae out of my brain. I booked a ticket the week after because I promised to.

Yet I needed his company.

I felt like it was right to be with him, because the time we did spend together when he was in the hospital felt normal. It was like second nature.

I arrived and kind of had a smile on my face. I was home, ish. I'll visit Sooyoung later. I have somewhat of an important 'appointment' to attend to.

I still had the keys to the house, but I need to return to him later.

My hands turned the knob and walked in. The house was too quiet because I heard the tick tocks of thee clock ring in his hall.

"Taetae? I came to visit!"

Silence.

"Taetae?"

I walked into his living room to find it empty, except the tv was on with no sound.

I turned it off and looked at the mess on his couch, finding nothing out of the ordinary when it had a mess of blankets there. It was lived in.

The pizza boxes and cans of soda was littered on the table and I couldn't find where my bear was.

So I walked upstairs and opened the door, seeing him slouched over.

My heart raced, it's like I knew he wasn't okay. The thoughts of him leaving again pounded against my head and I wasn't ready for that to happen.

I'd do anything to not make that happen.

"Taetae . ." I ran over to him and he slouched even further, slurring while mumbling.

Oh god, please no. Don't take him so soon. He was so close to leaving.

"Fany? Fany, please take care of me?" He pleaded, eyes glistening.

"I'm so scared." He said, clutching his chest. His hands grasped the materials of his shirt so tightly that I thought he would rip it off himself.

He tried to hold himself up with his hand on the table but struggled and I thought he would've tumbled then.

I went over to him and helped him stand up. We both stumbled towards the couch and I gently pushed him to lay on it.

I helped him take a few pills and then I opened his shirt, pushing it open to rub some medicinal cream on his knotting muscles.

His breathing started to slow and I kind of awkwardly laid on top of him watching over my bear.

"I got you Taetae, it's okay." I whispered softly. He nodded and grabbed my hand, squeezing it.

"I don't want to die truthfully. I thought maybe if i did it would be better for me."

I shook my head, not wanting to hear that. "Shh, shh. Go to sleep Tae, you need to rest."

"You're so good to me Fany-ah. I'm sorry." He turned to me and nuzzles his face into my neck.

I was kind of shocked by the action but I still wrapped my arms around his body and help him tight.

I knew he was crying, which still is something I don't see everyday from him.

His hot tears ran from neck down my collarbone and it wouldn't stop.

"I don't want to die. Fany, make the pain stop. Make it go away." He mumbled, shaking his head to get it to lessen.

My trembling hands went up to cup his face, wiping the tears away.

I've never seen him like this. It scared me.

"It hurts, it hurts so much."

I held him throughout the night, patting his head till he fell asleep.

I listened to his soft snores as his chest rose up and down steadily.

"I don't think I can leave you, Taetae."

I looked down and he was already asleep. The once boulder looking man turned so small, so vulnerable and adorable in my arms.

I combed his hair through my fingers and pressed my fingers onto his ear, rubbing it like I always did to get rid of anything bad for him.

My baby bear.

I watched him sleep, wondering how we went so wrong.

My heart wanted him. I want him in this state. I wanted to take care of him, to make him happy.

He was never a bad guy, he's always been so good to me. He's somewhat I wanted to spend my days with.

I remember how happy he made me too, how well he treated me and compared to Cheol and others in the past, he's an absolute angel.

We had our bumps yeah, but who hasn't. It wasn't as bad as I've had it.

But through my reminiscing I heard him mumble. Incoherent mumbles.

He moved in my arms, frowning in his sleep. I touched his cheek and he shook his head, breathing faster and faster.

"Jonghyun?" He mumbled. I felt him starting to get hotter, he felt a bit sticky from his sweat.

He kept shaking and when he suddenly grabbed my hand I welcomed it.

"Jonghyun? Come back." I shook my gently awake when he mumbled it. He slept like a rock and when I did it a bit harder he opened his eyes, an immediate frown was on his face and he sat up quickly.

"Fucking Eunhyuk." He muttered. I patted his arm gently and he laid onto his back, sighing while he tugged at his hair in frustration.

"How are you feeling now? It's only been like 2 hours."

"I feel like poop. It's hurting again, can you get me my pills?" I got out of his bed and walked into his den.

My hand rummaged through his drawers upstairs quietly, looking for the same bottle of pills.

A piece of paper that was shoved in the bottom of the drawer made me take it out.

It clearly had his name printed on, with the hospital logo on it.

I scanned over the hospital logo and opened it, reading his name and his medical information. It wasn't till I read the part where it said his recent checkup that outlines any problems.

Chronic Chest pain

Painkillers. He always had painkillers at his disposal for his condition.

He's not well, in fact this is so bad. Chest pains can easily translate to heart attacks.

I wanna be there for him when he hurts. When he's depressed I wanna be the one who he goes to talk to.

He's mentally not well, and the fact that he contemplated suiciding pisses me off.

Whatever happened to him caused him to think such drastically.

I never wanna be apart from him. He can't leave. I wouldn't know what would happen if he did.

He's the one I keep comparing people to. He's the one, I know he's the one.

I want him, all of him. Bad things and good things, he's still my little bear that made everything okay.

I want to be with him.

I approached him and put the piece of paper in front of him.

He looked at it and glanced wearily at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He picked the piece of paper up and looked back up at me. "It's just a small thing." He said.

"How long have you had this?"

"I don't know, a couple of months ago?"

"You've had this for that long? Look at you Tae, you're like suffering. Did you tell anyone else?"

"No."

"What happens if you're left alone?"

"I just lay there till it passes."

He kept palming his chest and I handed him a pill, passing the bottle of water to him.

"Let me take care of you Tae." I said softly. My heart yearned for him.

"Okay. Just don't. . .leave me halfway. I need you the whole way."

"I won't. I never left you." I said, laying down beside him. He immediately snuggled closer to me, body wrapped around mine and we slept together like that.

It was home to me, and I don't know about him but this is what felt right.

I want to tell him. But I fear rejection, what if he's done with me now? Is there still a chance for us? Because I'm willing to take it once again. "Tae."

"Yes Miyoungie?" He said tiredly.

It took me forever to process and piece together but I knew what I wanted to say. It'll change our status, it'll make us back into something maybe, or if not then we'll be seperated again. But I wanted to try, I wanted to see if I'll be shut out from him, or if he'll accept us again. "I love you." I whispered. My voice cracking when I said such precious words he's fought for so long to hear me say. Those three words I also battled to speak out.

He looked up with soft eyes. He broke out into a smile and I cupped his cheek. He loved it, he loved what came out of my lips. He nuzzled his face there and kissed my palm.

"I do too. I never stopped loving you." He said with such certainty that made my heart explode. There was no rejection, rather just open arms with acceptance.

I blinked back my tears and leaned in closer to him, pecking his lips. "I don't ever want to see you leave. So please don't?" I whispered.

"Can we try again then?" He asked quietly, fingers pulling on mine.

Again, let's try again now Tae.

I nodded. "I want to try us too."

He smiled and laid back down, sighing in contentment as he pulled me closer to his chest.

I laid a palm there, circling over his wound.

I missed you.


	22. Love, That One Word

Stephanie Hwang

I dipped my foot into the cold water and sat on the ledge, watching over Tae as he swam laps and kind of floated in the middle of the pool. He didn't notice e there till I kicked water at him and started to splash.

"Hey, didn't see you there."

"Hi."

"Miss me?"

"Kind of." I said quietly. Any louder and it'll fuel the guys ego.

He was really cute. Like adorable cute. Taebear. I mean, ever since we kind of 'made up' he's been really careful, respecting boundaries here and there. We're taking things slow, and I like that. But at the same time I wanted it to go faster, just because.

He swam over to me and yanked my leg, pulling me right in the water. I didn't even have time to scream because I was submerged.

I popped back up to meet a stupid smug smiled Tae.

I hit his shoulder, but still clung onto him. I didn't want to float away. "What the hell."

He shrugged. "You look better when wet."

"That was super sexual."

"It wasn't meant to be." He said while laughing like he's proud of himself.

"Dickhead." I muttered. He had a hand on my ass and squeezed it hard. I kicked him in the crotch by accident because of habit and he sunk down in the water, grabbing his man hood.

"Fucking keep your legs to yourself!"

"I'm sorry! It was reflex!"

"Ow! What the fuck, I know your legs are nice and all but you don't have to physically show me!"

"I'm sorry!" I whined.

He pulled me right up to him and the water splashed against us. His sneaky hand went down my back before giving my ass a tight squeeze and I screamed, slapping his hand and pushing away from him.

I got out the pool despite his loud protests and borderline tantrum.

"Miyoungie! Get in here! Give me that ass!"

"In your dreams!" I said, sticking my tongue out at him and grabbing his towel.

He growled and looked like a cute puppy. He got out of the pool and when I heard his wet padded feet move along the sounds of the pool and closer to me I felt like a prey.

I ran around the pool, scared and giggling like no tomorrow.

"Go away!" I screamed at him.

"Come here!" He said, running around the pool trying to catch up to me.

"You're going to hit me!"

"I'd like to call it, playfully smacking your fine ass." He said wiggling his brows. I hate him.

"Tae!"

"Give me that booty." He says, making grabby hands. I had to circle around the deck chairs but you know. I'm Fany. I'm clumsy. So I tripped on myself and fell, scraping my palm.

I looked up at Tae with a face like:

:c

He ran over to me and took my hand into his. "You stupid! Look what happened!"

Lovingly scolding. I approve.

He pulled me upstairs and sat me on the bed, grumbling something to himself before plopping a first aid kit beside me.

"Hand out Ms. Hwang. You're about to be treated by the best doctor in town."

"Shut up, all you ever do is sit at home and play The Sims 4."

"Hey, don't judge. It's a great game." He frowned, defending his one and only prideful game.

He pulled my hand and dabbed it with a cotton ball or something. He cleaned it before putting a blue bandaid on it.

I glared at the bandaid disapprovingly. "It's an ugly colour, why can't I get the pink one?"

"You cut your hand because you didn't open your eyes wide enough to see where you were going. A pink bandaid is the least of your worries honeybeans."

"I'm just trying to make a fashion statement." I grumble.

I laid back onto the mattress and shut my eyes. Exhaustion swept me over and all I ever wanted t do was curl up in my bed and lay there. Like, do nothing productive for the rest of the day.

I heard the bathroom door slide open and I did a mini sit up just to see Taetae buttoning up his shirt. I threw monkey George at him and it hit his back. He picked it back up and threw it back at me, it hit my head and I whined. I can never win.

"Where are you going? Work?" I asked. turning my body to face him. I mean, I wasn't going to miss this show of him dressing up. He looks hot.

He nodded, but then shook his head. "Uh, I need to go back." Work at this hour? On this day? Huh.

"Go back where. .?"

"The nightclub. ." He said barely.

". . .?" I swear to god if he's there to pick up chicks I'm going to punch him.

"Triad . . Jonghyun's gone now. I'm forced to take his place." Oh, that type of work.

I ran up to him and grabbed onto Tae's hand and pulled him back. "No, please no. Taetae everything associated with that crap always turns out bad. I thought you could leave now? That guy, Eunhyuk he's d-dead? Isn't he?"

He chuckled and patted my hand, turning me around so he could rest his stupid tall self and his head on on top of mine, making us face the mirror as he waddled everywhere with me. "I know, but there's things I have to tie up. You know, to make sure Jonghyun and his family are going to be okay."

"Tae, please? Nothing good is going to come out of this." I begged, tugging onto his arms.

"Fany-ah, I have to do this for Jonghyun. Okay? Please don't fight me on this. It means a lot to me." He said softly. I didn't have the heart to stop him. Jonghyun means so much to him.

I pulled him down and made him hug me. I held him tight and kissed his jaw, palming his cheek.

"Taetae? Just please be safe then?" I looked into his tender eyes and he nodded.

"I promise. Don't worry about me."

"How can I not worry Taeyeon-ah?"

"I'll be okay. Trust me."

"Promise me every time you have to do something involving that group you will come back to me?"

"Taengo promises Fany." He says, sticking up his pinky finger. I hooked mine with his and he kissed my hand, sealing it with that promise.

"If you break it, I would have no choice but to beat you up Kim Taeyeon."

"Yes ma'am."

"Go, but come back in one piece." I tapped his butt but still didn't let him go. He smothered me in a bunch of kisses before letting me go.

"Bye love." He said with a little wave.

"Bye Taeng."

"No love?" He says with a pout.

"Love tonight if you come home." His eyes widened and I'll let him interpret what it means.

"Are you going anywhere today?"

"Date with Sooyoung."

"Ah, right. Here take this." He said pulling out his wallet and giving me his credit card. "Buy whatever you want. Don't worry about the limit."

"Tae no it's okay I have my own money." I said, but I kept staring at the gold and black card. That thing was loaded. But I felt bad for taking his money.

"No, take it and spend it. Or I'll close all your bank accounts myself and you'll have no choice but to use mine."

"Tae."

"Bye Fany, have fun. Tell Sooyoung I said hi." He sniggered and walked out, closing the door.

I held the plastic card that was worth a fortune in my hand and jumped in excitement.

I'm going to max out this thing and drain it by accident.

Oops.

Operation: Date with Soo.

I got into the mall and sat outside of Victoria Secret, tapping my foot impatiently as I called on the tall giraffe. "Girl, you take forever what the hell."

"I'm coming! Turn around!"

I turned around and stretched myself to find her. Still couldn't though. "I still can't see you!"

"Grow taller!"

"Shut up!" I felt a tap and I see her smile innocently. I hooked our arms together and dragged her into the store.

"Took you three days to finally go on a date with me? Is Taeyeon more important than me now?"

"You know how we are. . . leave me alone."

"I still don't like him. I can't believe you're still with him. Look what he di-"

"Soo, not now please? Lets get you some nice lingerie so you can ave a dick appointment."

"Actually, I met this guy."

"Wait, stop." I pulled the bra out of her hands and threw it back onto the little stand. "Age, name, occupation."

"33, Jung Kyung-Ho. . actor."

I gasped a pretty loud gasp. "You landed a fucking actor?!"

"You landed a fucking billionaire shut up!" She snapped, hushing me and yanking me out of the store.

"You, landed the Jung Kyung-Ho though! Oh my god I watch his dramas like all the time why didn't you tell me?! Can I please get his autograph I'm like his biggest fan."

"Why do I have a feeling you like him more than I do."

"Because I'm his biggest fan?!"

"Okay, stop fangirling over my future bae and lets go get food. You're paying."

"Wait wait, can I please please please meet him? Sooyoungie, please please?" I begged, clasping my hands together as I trailed behind her.

"Maybe." She mumbled.

"I looooooooove you." I squealed, jumping up and down. People were staring but I didn't care. She sighed, and I felt like she was my mother.

I love shopping, and by shopping I mean buying every possible bag, dress, and shoes that were on display. I went to the high end section of them all, splurging on every brand name purse I could get my hands on.

Obviously I flashed that gold and black plastic card that didn't have my name written on it. Soo had her mouth opened the entire time, shaking her head every time I told her it was Tae's card.

But when I had the receipts in my hand as I was in Soo's car getting driven back home I stared at the 5 digit number I managed to accumulate. Oh my god, he's going to kill me if he finds out.

Or, he'll be a total nice guy about it and say it's okay.

Or, he's going to kill me.

Definitely the last one, for sure. I slumped back into my seat and looked over to Soo. I guess she knew what I was thinking because she started to laugh and shake her head. "Girl, you're so dead." She said. I groaned and dreaded going back home.

But when she turned the radio down and glanced at me briefly I had my attention all on her.

"What?" I asked.

"Fany, do you remember when Taeyeon came to visit you back home at San Frans? That time where both of you broke it off for a couple of months?"

"Yeah?"

"I told him where you were when he asked me."

"Why? I thought you weren't particularly fond of him."

"I'm not, but it's just that I felt like it was needed. That Cheolwoo guy, I had a feeling he was bad news." She trails off, looking unsure.

"Okay and? What are you trying to say." I pressed with caution.

"Taeyeon. He means well. But he's stupid, but he's okay. I guess." She kept tapping the steering wheel and I couldn't stop smiling.

"Maybe he's right for you. I mean, looking at your past ex's, he seems pretty good. Aside from the stupid shit he's done, but other than that he's okay." She mumbled. She breathed out and I felt like that took a lot of balls to say.

She hated him so bad.

Awh, Soo warming up to the idea of Tae. I just felt giddy the rest of the car ride home.

Accept my Taebear, because we're going to take over the world.

As soon as I opened the door to Tae's house I sprinted upstairs with my bag filled hands and stuffed them in the closet. I threw a blanket over it and tried to hide it, but if he looked close enough he would've known that unusual lump in the middle of his shoe collection.

Oh my god, he's going to kill me.

Whatever, I occupied myself with cleaning his house. There was only like 4 hours left before he came home. The least I can do is try to lessen the wrath of angry Tae before he comes home.

Shopping Me Sooyoungie A powerful plastic card with practically an unlimited supply of $$$ = Bad.

"Babycakes? I'm home!" I looked up fro my magazine and stared at the door. the shadowy figure hopping on one foot trying to take his sock off was my bear.

"Are you hurt?" I asked, inspecting him from top to toe. I made him lean down so I could peel open his shirt. Especially his chest and back. It actually came to be a routine every time he came home. I needed to know if my bear got mauled and scratched at.

"Keep your hands to your self. You're invading my personal space."

"Personal space my ass, take off your shirt." He rolls his eyes and I smacked his ass in retaliation, disliking his attitude.

He pulled his shirt off anyways and I scanned my eyes up and down his muscular taut body.

All clear.

"Give me a kiss." He demands after I slip his shirt back on for him.

"Go away."

He walks closer to me, hovering above me. "Fany-ah, kissy." He puckers his lips and leans even further down and I had to use all my strength to push him back up with my palms pressed against his chest.

"You haven't showered!"

"Woman, kissy and I will shower." I glared at him but still gave him a little kiss. He smiled and smacked my ass, walking towards the bathroom while whistling.

Pfft.

I went to the kitchen and heated up some leftovers for him, placing them in the microwave and waiting.

I took it out with a smile, placing it on the table on the right side where he always sat.

I only wanted his approval, and the best for him.

He came back down with a sparkly wet chest and equally damp hair.

I reached out for him and squealed, fangirling about Tae.

"Your hunky ass is all mine." I cooed as I hugged him super tightly. My face pressed against his chest.

"You're like my biggest fan Fany."

"I can not deny that to be honest. You smell so nice." I said still pressing my face into his chiseled chest.

"Why are you so clingy these days?" He said trying to pry me off him. Didn't work though.

"Do you not want me to be? Fine." I let go of him and he laughed, pulling me back into his lap. "Go away." Ironic how I still latched onto him.

"You always shoo me away but then you act like this. Little koala bear, you know like me. I'm your walking tree."

"A stupid tree." I mumbled.

"A sexy tree."

"Ew." I pushed his face away that was leaning in for a kiss and sat in his lap as he ate his dinner. Both of us were watching some trash reality TV show, but I wouldn't have it anyway. I'd rather spend my days here with him, than go back home to San Fransico where he wasn't there.

I felt like his one and only girl sitting in his lap. I don't know, I'm a romantic. I like my Disney princess stories, chick flicks and romance novels. I watched The Notebook 6 times, cried 6 times. Watched The Vow a good 3 times too, bawled my eyes out each time.

It's not like I wanted to be lonely. I'm not, but I felt like it when he wasn't there. I can honestly say that when we broke it off I realized how happy he truly makes me. That type of loneliness was gone, and it's only when I'm with him.

"Come here Taetae." I pat my lap, and he quickly darts to me letting himself rest on me.

I run my hands through his damp hair massaging his scalp. He closes his eyes and the next thing I know is he's asleep on my lap.

"You must be really tired Taeyeon-ah." I rub his ears softly, still rubbing his head. Yet he's tired of going to his shady 'work' which I still didn't approve him. Gang's my ass, whatever that 18K thing was I hope they die. They caused so much pain for a lot of people.

"I wanted to spend my night with you today but I keep dying on you, I'm sorry." He mumbles which startles me, I thought he was asleep.

"Let's get you to bed hm?"

"Let's go my piggy." He pulls me up, carrying me in his arms.

As soon as we both touched the bed we clung to each other like magnets, enjoying each other's presence as we drift off to sleep slowly.

"Taetae, sleep. You're tired." I said, rubbing the shell of his ear soothingly.

He hummed and within a few moments fell asleep like a little baby.

Even though he was spooning me I could hear his unsteady breathing and little movements behind me which made me restless. I wasn't sleeping just yet, I was on my phone for like an hour or so. But he kept moving after time passed and it was weird.

"Taetae? What's wrong?"

He stops his movements and snuggles closer to my neck. "Huh? I thought you were asleep. Sorry I'll stop."

"I was, but something's bothering you. Everything okay?"

"How do you even know? It's nothing, go to sleep okay? I'll tell you later." He whispers as he reaches for the duvet covers pulling it up further to cover the both of us.

"I just know Taeyeon-ah, I don't know how but I just do. I'm here for you." I grasp the hand on my waist tighter, letting him know.

"Mm."

He never did tell me what was on his mind since that night, but I never pushed on it. It was better not to.

When I felt the big hunky arm missing from around my waist and my muscular arm pillow gone a couple of hours later, I turned around to see my rock had migrated somewhere. How dare he leave me alone and make me miss my human pillow. I can't wait for him to come back because I am impatient and I want my bear back.

I walk down the stairs to hear the gentle clinging of bottles and the pitch black living room become illuminated softly from the refrigerator light.

There he was, Tae bear inhaling a plate of cookies and a tall glass of milk in front of the refrigerator at 3 in the morning. He was in his little cute bear pjs and oh my he looked cute as ever despite shoveling cookies as fast as he can humanly possible down his throat.

"What are you doing?" I barely asked with my voice laced with sleep.

He stops what he's doing and froze. He turn around sheepishly before smiling his cute dimple and placing down the diabetic combo. "Midnight snack?" He replies with a mouth full of cookies.

"Ugh, finish up and come to bed. I miss cuddle bear." I wrap my arms around his waist and I could hear him still munching on god knows what. The man eats everything in sight. Plus, I felt crumbs land on top of my head.

"Yah! That means stop eating and go to bed! It's 3 in the morning never mind a midnight snack you idiot!" I took the cookies out of his mouth and then threw them in the sink before grabbing his hand and marching up the stairs. I ignored his complaints and plead for me to stop and let him finish his meal.

I brushed the crumbs off my head and glared at him in the dark. I sighed at his protests but I still can't stop loving him to bits at his cuteness.

The day after he made me cancel my plans to meet Sooyoung. I had no idea why but I did it anyways, begging my best friend over the phone to not slaughter me and slap my Tae.

I didn't know where we going, but with Tae beside me I didn't question it too much. I was never really worried when I was him.

Only because I know he'll protect me, like he always does.

We did however stop by a flower shop and he picked up a bouquet of lavenders. He didn't give them to me though and he made sure I wasn't 'offended.'

I told him I wasn't unless he was giving it to some other girl he was planning to court. I would've smacked him to the moon.

He did get me a 10 nugget meal from McDonalds however and I tell you, he's my favourite.

I held his hand and tried to match his walking pace, he's so tall with long legs that he took bigger steps than me and I hated it.

I felt like I had to jog to catch up to him, and e saw. He knew, and he laughed at me all the time.

"Go slower! You know I have short legs!"

"Sorry ma'am."

We walked past a couple of tombstones and I felt like this was part of a horror movie, but it was kind of like a private cemetery. There was only a couple of stone slabs, and they were pretty big and 'luxurious.'

We stopped in the middle of the grass fields and I wasn't watching where I was going so I kind of ran into his back. I rubbed my nose and slapped his shoulder.

"Taeyeon-ah, that hurt." I whined.

He hummed and kissed my nose, which was weird because he never does any of that cheesy stuff.

I looked up and he glanced down with his eyes.

I followed and in that gravestone I saw a picture of a really pretty woman on the gravestone.

Oh. He placed a bouquet of flowers beside her and took out a handkerchief to wipe the stone clean.

"Hi mom, I brought a pretty girl to see you." He said so proudly. Damn it, I feel mushy now.

But I really really really was anxious, worried and not okay. I was so nervous meeting his mom. I wanted to scream.

Pfft.

I swayed our hands together and smiled, finding him so utterly cute like this. I shied into his arm and didn't want to show my face.

"Remember you said that if you passed away I wasn't allowed to bring a girl to see you unless she was pretty, good at making dumplings, is able to wake me up, or boss me around? He cleared his throat and smirks."I present to you, the one and only person in the world who can do all of that, Hwang Miyoung!"

I hate him. I hate that name so much, I sound so old. I hit his shoulder. "Taeyeon-ah." I frowned.

"Sorry, sorry. Miyoung Hwang."

"Taetae!"

"Miyoungie?"

"Taeyeon!" He starts laughing uncontrollably. Dick.

"As you can see, she is loud, really energetic, bubbly, loud, and I like her."

"Hi. Mrs. Kim. I'm Stephanie, Taeyeon's best friend, personal body guard, portable heat pack, cuddle buddy at night, back massager, manager, therapist, and part time secret admirer."

"You make it sound like I'm the most needy person in the world." He groans, scratching the back of his head.

"Well, are you not?"

"Touché. But not infront of mom please." He says, nodding in agreement.

We bickered in front of her gravestone and if she was here right now I'm pretty sure the both of us would get smacked up right at the side of our heads.

I smile at him. He's adorable to be talking to his mother because I'm the same way. Anytime I had hardships or was upset, I'd go to my mother. I knew she was watching me everyday up there but visiting her was something special. I'd tell her everything, from my day, to my current crushes, why I cried, why I was upset, anything and everything as if she was still with me.

We sat infront of her. Well I sat in between Tae's legs and I enjoyed that one arm wrapped around my tummy. All I heard was Tae pulling out clumps of grass and I scolded him, saying how it was ruining his mothers resting place.

"Mom never really liked grass. I always stained my jeans with grass because I'd slide across it every time I went out to play. She could never wash it out." He mumbled, still taming chunks of earth out and sprinkling it on my leg. I had to brush myself clean every now and then but I didn't mind if it kept him a little occupied.

I couldn't stop smiling. All I thought was little Tae being yelled at. Aw.

We talked nonsense, me and Tae just reminiscing about us. Half the time we were just playfully arguing, wanting to show Mrs. Kim who was better. I think I won. But when things were as light hearted and funny, it got a bit serious

He talked about us, and by us I mean our little hiccups. I didn't really wanted to be reminded of anything in the past, because now I have him. We're here together, and that is what I reminded him when he got a little too sad about making me 'cry'.

"I feel bad." He kept saying. He looked so sad too.

"It's okay." He shook his head and kept playing with my fingers while leaning his chin on my shoulder. "Is it okay?" He mumbled.

"Yeah, stop being glum."

"Plum." He said out of the blue. It took me a couple of seconds to decipher what he meant. This loser tried to rhyme with me.

"Dumb." I shot back.

"Bum." He said laughing.

"Byuntae."

"We almost had an intense rap battle there."

"Almost, but I think your mom can agree my bars are better than yours."

"Wanna fight Ms.Hwang?"

"Not now, not infront of your mom. Imagine if she had to listen to me beat your scrawny ass with my flaming lines."

"You know, if anything I'd think you're a bully to me. Straight up savage."

"I can't help it, sorry."

"You fill in the requirements to be a gangster." He joked. I slapped his leg that was beside mine so hard and he yelped. " Fany-ah." He whined. "No abuse in front of mom please, save it for the bedroom." he sniggers. Oh my god this guy doesn't stop.

"I don't want to be a gangster. ." Because Tae was one. God damn it.

"Oh, right. Sorry." He mumbled, changing the topic to something else. I guess the three of us talked for so long because when the sky dimmed and the wind that was blowing the grass and little flowers on the field felt a little stronger, Tae wrapped me in his jacket. "I think it's time to go now, maybe let mom have a little nap. She's probably tired of hearing us kids."

We had one last laughed but when we got up and I patted my butt clean of debris, I turned one more time towards her. "Mrs. Kim, I really like your stupid son."

"I'm not stupid. I just like to think I'm slow. ."

"You're stupid." I reminded him, squeezing his hand playfully. He glares back at me before breaking out into a smile.

"Even though your son's kind of a handful, annoying, a total baby, and sometimes a hard boiled egg, I'll take care of him." I promise to take care of him, because he's done the same to me.

"I won't leave him." I whispered. I can't leave him.

He didn't say anything but I saw how his eyes went a bit glossy. We both said goodbye to her because the sun was setting and it was a bit chilly. His excuse was that I'd catch a cold or something. But I didn't want to leave just yet, I wanted to know more about him and his mother. His childhood was cute. In the end we still left and we walked side by side out of the sacred place.

I loved being in car rides with Tae. It meant that I could turn up the radio as loud as I want and start rapping. He found it really amusing, so it was a win win. I felt mot comfortable when it was just me and him. Tae and I. No one else, but us in our little world.

"Wanna be rapper, psht." He grumbled, raising the windows of the car.

"Jealous? I'm spitting flaming bars, I told you if me and you were in a rap battle I'd win."

"You're so . . wild. I like it."

"Have you seen a drunk Fany? I don't think you have."

"Do you turn like, extremely sexy or something? Because I'm all up for that." He says, nodding his head and giving me a thumbs up.

"Wanna find out?" I purred.

He wolf whistles and winks at me. Byuntae to the maximum overdrive.

My phone started to ring obnoxiously multiple times and I fished it out of my bad. I had a couple of texts from Cheolwoo asking me to talk or whatever. But I swiped the notification closed and shoved my phone deep into my pocket.

Something about it felt so wrong when Tae was here. I dismissed it quickly and he never did question it. He just made fun of my ringtone and turned the music louder.

Maybe our thing was to go sit in the beach by his house and say nothing but just be with each other. That's exactly what we did when we got home.

I liked that. His company was enough for me, just like that car ride.

I sat in between his legs while he had his hands wrapped around my waist.

I took his hands and put them into the pockets of his sweater that I happened to steal and wear.

Our hands were so cozy and warm in the hoody pocket. I leaned back and kissed his cheek where he happened to rest on my shoulder. He scrunched his face up and started to make weird animal sounds just because he's Tae, and he's weird.

"This is a bunch of cheese." He said with a chuckle. I felt his rumbles form his chest.

"What is?"

"Our position right now."

"You ruin so many things it's not even funny."

He laughed and held me closer to his front, kissing me here and there.

"Tae?"

"Yeah?"

"Love."

"Love?" He questioned.

"I love you." I said.

"Fany-ah, stop it. You're making me blush, heh." I smacked his forehead, scolding him for always ruining the moment.

"I'm not good at romance, leave me alone bully." He muttered.

"But you. . you look pretty." He said with such pride. It was my turn to blush.

"Shut up."

"You look pretty."

I turned around and pushed on his chest. The wind blowing on his hair made him ooze handsomeness and I wouldn't want him any other way.

He's very charming, very manly and at the same time was so kid like.

"Peanut. ." I mumbled, combing his hair with my fingers.

"What."

"Peanut. ."

"What is that?" He asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear.

"You're my peanut."

"Whatever happened to bear." He says, skeptical and put off from my abundance of cute nicknames for him.

"You're still that too."

He scoffs. "Then you can be my hippo."

"What the he- excuse me?" I was literally shook, baffled.

"I thought we were giving each other animal names, no?"

"Hippos aren't cute, what are you trying to say!"

"On the contrary, I think hippos are actually adorably cute. Like yeah they're wrinkly and fat but . ." He trails off and stops when I was having fumes come out of my ears.

"See! Are you calling me fat, and or wrinkly. ."

He put his hands up, surrendering and shaking his head frantically. "Okay let's just go for nut names then. You can be my pecan. Or my walnut."

"No."

"Why not? I'm peanut to you now."

I flicked his forehead and he covered it with his hand, whining that it hurts.

"I think mom likes you."

"I hope so."

"She does, you can get my ass up early in the morning. She cant even do that without beating my head a couple of times."

"I don't blame her, you sleep like a rock."

"Heh." He laughed. He laid back down on the cold grainy sand and I curled up next to him, head resting on his arm. I saw how he looked up at the sky, the side of his face I will never get tired of looking at.

My knuckles rubbed his jaw, it seemed to be like a growing habit of mine. It just looked too damn sharp. So kissable too.

He turned his head towards me and I retracted my hand, opting to put it on his abdomen instead. "Let's run away, go to Disneyland or something." He placed his hand on top of mine and held it between his fingers. His gentle rubbings were almost as soothing as the cold air and I thought I'd fall asleep.

"We can't just disappear Tae, what will everyone say?" I mumble/

"We'll leave a note on the bed or something."

"Like the time you asked me to sneak you out of the hospital?"

"Yeah. You trust me, right?" I nodded, of course. You saved my life, how can I not.

"Then let's escape this stupid place for now, go somewhere happier." He had the cutest frown on his face and I couldn't help but kiss his jaw.

"I wanted to tell her that I liked spending my days with you. That I wanted to do that for a long time. I hope we go on for a long time you know?" I leaned into his neck and stayed there, hearing his voice and ocean waves.

"There's no doubt that I hope that too."

"You're very precious to me Miyoungie. I wish she was still here to see that. She would've loved you the way she loved me. She would've accepted you as her own kid damn it." I looked up and he had a cheeky smile. I pressed on his little dimple with my finger and shied away, choosing to take shelter in the crook of his neck.

"Stupid, you're a handful of cheese." My voice came out muffled against his shoulder.

He cupped my cheek and wiped my bottom lip. I wanted to look away, I was too shy all of a sudden. He didn't let me though, he had a firm but gentle hold on my chin and then he kissed me.

"You're so beautiful, Ms. Hwang."

He laid me down on the sand, his h and rubbing the side of my thigh. He slot himself between me and that warm hand trailing up my cold body had me addicted.

He trailed his kisses down my lips to my neck, nibbling there as I slid my fingers in between his hair, holding him closer.

"Taeyeon-ah." I managed to say, tugging on his hair to get his attention. He hovered above me, hands planted on either side of my head.

I let me eyes do the talking and the next thing I knew, he picked me up effortlessly and carried me to the house. His lips still found a way to mine as we did, we almost tripped and fell but we were so eager.

As soon as he closes the door behind us and places my two feet on the oak floor, he gently pushes me against the wall trapping me between his arms that are placed on either side of my head on the wall behind me.

The fiery feeling in the pit of my stomach took over me and I wanted him so bad.

I grab his shirt pulling him closer and were just centimeter apart. He just smirks cockily and I shot him a glare.

There was a burning lust in his eyes like I've never seen before.

"Fuck it." He says and kisses me aggressively on my lips.

I couldn't keep my hands off him as he pushes in closer deepening the kiss. I grab the hem of his shirt tugging it up halfway signaling him to raise his arms up.

I rip away his shirt and undid his tie, his hands roam on my body from my waist and up.

"Taeyeon-ah." I mumble against his lips breathless as neither of us want to break apart.

He leaves small kisses from my lips to my neck sucking on that sweet spot that made my legs go weak. I couldn't help but let my hands get lost into his hair, gently tugging it when it felt too good.

I'm a squirming mess under him and I have nothing to grab but the the sides trousers.

"Tae-Taeyeon-ah, bed." He leaves one last wet suck before picking me up hastily and carries me, knocking over furniture and stumbling up the stairs as he continues to nestle his face in the crook of my neck.

He kicks the door close and we both get thrown on the bed with him on top of me. His hands roam up and down my body and up my dress. He pulls it off of me in one swift motion and I couldn't help but blush because he's never seen me almost bare before.

My hand slips between the waistband of his boxer briefs and slid down, I cup his ass and he groans in my mouth and his excitement was hard to miss when it's pressed up against me.

"I want you Steph." He says almost inaudibly as he took my earlobe into his lips nibbling on it.

"You have no idea how long I have been waiting for this, no idea." He growls into my ear and pushes me harder on the bed.

"I'd rather we do it than you telling me how long you've waited for me. We'd be here all night." I mutter and he rips out a deep rich laugh.

"Someones eager. Welcome to the club hot stuff." His harsh breathing on my neck and that intoxicatingly smell of his scent mixed with his sweat was driving me insane.

He starts to unbuckle his belt and I closed my eyes at the sound of the zipper. I opened them when it stopped and bit my lip at the sight.

"Baby you're so b-big." I moaned, still not getting over it. I think I heard him chuckle but I'm not even sure, I can't even think straight anymore.

"Take me, take all of me tonight Tae." I said as he went into bed with me, touching my thighs.

"Are you sure? I don't want to make you do something that you don't want to do or not ready for." He lifts his head up to look into my eyes, concern written all over them.

My heart just keeps beating faster. Even at a moment like this he still cares for my being, my emotional and physical state.

"I'm sure Taeyeon-ah, I want you to be my first and my only. Make me yours forever, mark me yours." I sealed it with a kiss and he smiles against my cheek.

"If it hurts, or if I'm too rough or you feel uncomfortable please tell me. Stop me immediately okay?" His eyes were glossy from the dim light in the corner of the room and I couldn't help but shed a tear too.

"You mean a lot to me, you're too precious and I'm scared I'll hurt you myself." I cup his face as his jaw clenches hard as he says those few words that manage to stir up my heart. A few traces on his jawline and he relaxes, still looking at me softly.

"I don't you to feel like you have to do this. I'll wait till you're ready, I have waited for a long time because I didn't want to cross lines that didn't have to be crossed. Something so pure, so innocent that you're going to give up for me. It won't be a mistake, but I want you to be sure that this is okay with you. Promise me in whatever circumstances were going to be in, tell me something, stop me, hit me, just say something if it's not right. Promise me." He says still looking at me with an out pour of love. I know he has been waiting since the day he met me. He's eager and wants it so bad, and I'll give my first to someone I truly love. Playboy billionaire man does not turn his lifestyle around in just a couple of months. He's never pushed it on me and I love him for that, I love that he cares and he knows the boundaries. He won't hurt me, and he just justified it for myself even more.

"I promise." He kisses my only tear away and brushes back my hair, combing it gently. Another look into his eyes again and this time it was filled with tender love.

"Make love to me Tae." I say huskily close to his ear, I feel him tightening underneath me and I look up to see his adam's apple bobbing up and down as he starts to sweat and grip my hips tightly. I let myself smirk as I caught him staring at me, and that's the moment where I had a Taeyeon.

He chuckles and brings me to bed, slowly laying me on the mattress as he hovers above me and kisses me along my neck and sucked hard on my pulse point making me grab his head and push his harder towards it.

The force of it made me feel the mark he left. He left a wet lick on it before smiling smugly. I take in his sweet masculine scent, and I felt myself grow hotter.

"Mine." He growls into my ear before leaning again to mark another part of me. My blood ran soldered and faster and I needed him.

"T-Tae, baby please." I whine and he trails his kisses down from my collarbone to the valley of my chest and dangerously close to my hips. He held my hand tight and I shut my eyes closed tightly.

I felt myself shudder at the faint touches and I grasped his hand tightly while my other hand crumpled up the silky bed sheets underneath me.

He kissed me on my lips and I opened my mouth ajar to let his tongue slip into mine. We battled for dominance but the squeeze on my hip sent me to surrender and let him take over. When he sucked hard on my muscle, I let out a frustrated whimper and he chuckles.

I felt myself getting warmer, hotter and all sorts of things we he kept teasing.

I moved underneath him and he pulled away, kissing my forehead as his hand caressed my side. It went further down to rest on my hips.

He sat up and I glanced down his abdomen and oh my god.

He hovered above me again and all eyes were on him and his tender gaze. It still had a hint of lust and I cupped his cheek.

"Taetae. ." I whispered.

"Hm." He leaned down to give me a couple of kisses but it felt like a distraction because I felt him press against my entrance.

I moaned against his mouth, grabbing onto his shoulder.

He trailed his hand into mine and held it tightly, clapping it together and squeezing it. He laid a kiss there too before looking back at me.

He grabbed a hold of himself and pressed it to my entrance. That warmth he gave off felt too good, and I looked up at him. He nuzzled his face into my neck and pushed in slightly.

Sounds of pleasure came out of the both of us and I gripped his shoulder tighter, my hand squeezing his and I felt my heart beat faster.

He stopped and looked up, I nodded and kissed his cheek. Letting him know that it was okay to keep going.

He furrowed his brow and pushed his way inside further. I froze and shut my eyes tight, gasping as I raked my nails down his back when the pain was met with pleasure.

He stopped midway and held my hand tighter. I was panting near his ear and I guess he caught that because he kissed my ear, shushing me.

He felt so good, so warm.

When he pushed the furthest in I yelped in pain. He broke it. He took it. He raised his head immodestly and cupped my cheeks, wiping away the tears that were there. He stopped and with that same tender gaze apologized through his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I nodded meekly. I touched his back and raised my hips, wanting him to continue.

I felt so full, so filled with him.

"Tae. ." I held him tighter when he got the message. Gently, he pushed in again, filling me up and making me feel so full. I winced every now and then at the Paul, but it soon got overclouded with pleasure.

Our breath got heavier and our kisses were sloppier. My hands couldn't stop caressing his tight back, hands getting lost in his hair and when he hit that certain spot I couldn't help but groan near his ear.

I curled my leg around his waist and caressed his tummy. "Faster." He granted my wish and pulled back, only to go back in gently yet at a faster pace.

I was so high off his love, so captivated by him every time he thrusters in and pulled out.

I loved how gentle he was with me, cared for me and always said he wouldn't hurt me.

But at that moment when we were making such sweet love, I couldn't help but think about the day he was going to go away. Leave me forever, he did that right infront of me.

I choked, and started to tear up. I wanted to shake that image out of my head but I felt Tae's soft lips against mine, nibbling on my lower lip.

"T-Tae don't, don't leave me."

He shook his head, cupping my cheek again and kissed my lips. My tears kept coming but he always wiped them away.

"I can't. Not ever, never again." He said so huskily. I pressed my forehead against his and hugged him closer.

I felt myself grow so much hotter than before. The feeling in my stomach wanted to release. My head was spinning, I needed him so bad.

I was panting, he was too. I caressed his sweaty head and licked his neck. He groaned out and tightened, going at a faster pace.

When he hit a particular spot I tensed, arching my back just a bit and raising my hips to meet his. "T-Taetae, I-I" He kissed my lips and squeezed my hand. "Let go, baby I wanna hear you." He said near my ear and I listened.

I grabbed onto his shoulder and shuddered, my body tensing as I felt a wave of pleasure just instantly hit me. My lips let out his mumbled name, too shy to be louder than our ragged breaths.

He too let out a rare moan, grunted. I felt him release into me, pouring his love for me. I felt that warmth inside and I kissed his neck, rubbing his tummy to coax him.

We kissed like long lovers. We didn't let each other go. We both were too high off each other.

"Tae. ." I muttered. He slowed down and with soft gentle strokes lifted his head back up. He smiled and kissed me, letting me calm down and relax from the pleasure he just gave me.

Just when I felt like I was going to drift off in exhausting I felt him move. That hard warmth gently rocked and he pulled out and watched below as his warmth seeped out from me.

"So much, Taetae." I muttered, now too shy to even face him. I wanted to wrap myself in the blankets and run away.

"Only you. ." He said, wiping his forehead dry with his arm.

I tiredly caressed his sweaty back and we laid there. Our playful kisses, soft touches, and calming breaths surrounded the both of us.

Our gazes met once again and I patted his cheek, loving his dorky smile. "I love you." I whispered in a hushed tone.

"Love you too." I caught his smile and I didn't let him shy away. I held his jaw and made him look at me. He rolled off me and I curled up next to him, draping my arm around his waist and my head on his chest.

I traced that scar near his heart, still hating that forever and always. Every time I see a knife just lose it. I get so upset.

He grabbed my hand and placed it on his cheek, he seems to always do that when I touch his stitches.

I gave up trying to touch it without him interrupting me. "I'm tired Taetae." I whined, yawning in the process.

"Then sleep, love." He patted my bare back and I snuggled in closer, letting his warmth wrap around me.

Before I could fully go on a shut down node, he whispered my name. "Fany?"

"What is it Taetae?"

"Stay with me." He said, rubbing my back. His touches still got me feeling tingly.

"I promised you that, didn't I?" I was confused.

"No, move in with me?" He said unsure of himself. I too was unsure. I knew what to say, and I immediately knew what my answer was.

After tonight I knew without a doubt I'd want to be with him. "Fany?" He said interrupting my train of thoughts.

Shy Taetae was the cutest Tae.

"Under one condition."

"What is it?"

"You can't leave."

"I won't? Fany-ah. ."

"Tae, you can't leave because if I decide to stay then you have to also. Even when it gets hard and you can't handle it, you stay."

He held me closer to his front and I sighed.

"You were the one who sent me back to San Francisco. You bought me that plane ticket Taeyeon-ah, you sent me away."

He hummed and kissed the back of my head. "You said you wanted to leave, you wanted nothing to do with me. So I granted you that wish."

"I wish you never did. I wished you didn't let me go so easily. I was so scared Taeyeon-ah, I feel sorry towards you too." I blinked back my tears. Those were such bad days.

"It was so hard for me. That night when I printed out your ticket I wanted to crumple it up and throw it in the fireplace. You know, it wasn't just a choice I could make up so easily Fany-ah." He said under his breath, he sounded tired.

"I don't think I can . . do without you. Survival? Not a chance if you left." He continued.

It was so heavy. my heart began to feel heavy. "But what happens when you get tired of me, when you don't want to do this with me anymore? Where am I supposed to go?" I voice out my reason.

Despite everything that's happened, I think we'll be okay.

He didn't say a word. But I didn't mean for it to come out as pessimistic. I just wanted him to know what could possibly happen.

I squeezed his soft hands. "Can you promise me that then if you cant answer? To not leave me?"

"Yes, I can." He says with an eager nod that I felt.

"Then I will stay with you." No regrets. Just love.

If I hadn't known better I knew he like fist bumped the air. I knew he was smiling widely, like I've made him the happiest kid alive.

I shook my head and continued to snuggle into a better position, wanting to go just go to sleep.

"Thank you Fany-ah." I heard him say one more time. I suddenly felt him pull on my finger and I glanced down groggily. I had to squint to get a better look at it and when I realized what it was, I sat up. I pulled the sheets up my body to cover up my bareness and I looked at him.

That sad tender smile always got to me and he too sat up. He presented me with that promise ring he gave me way back. The promise of marriage in a mere 90 days.

"You said you'll stay. I kept this ring after you threw it back at me when you left. I want to keep that promise. I know right now it's too early to think about it, and that ultimatum was so wrong. But, this promise I want to keep. I want to do it someday, I want to marry you, not in 90 days, but eventually. When you're ready, because I know you love me."

My heart popped, it also stopped. It also started beating so fast that I rushed over to him and tucked myself underneath his chin. "Will you wear this then? Will you accept my promise?" He whispered. I nodded, and placed a hand on his chest.

His trembling hands went up to mine, touching my finger and slipping the silver little ring on it. It still glistened and shined on the candle lit room and I kissed his chest where his scar was in sight. "Love you." I said softly, knowing how hard this must be for him.

We both fought so hard and now we're here. He said something that I couldn't hear because I had my mind just tune out everything. I hummed a poopy response and was knocked out for the rest of the night.

He prepared everything for me so the move was easy. I just had to sit back and relax.

But I couldn't stop thinking about him. I was worried. The feeling kept on increasing the more I spent my times with him.

There was a chance he couldn't have made it, the chance that maybe he was lucky he missed that big artery.

I felt guilty. I started to question why I was here. Why I ended him back to him to quickly. Was it out of pity, guilt or remorse.

A part of me thought it was my duty and job now to take care of him. Another section wanted to be with him just because he makes me happy.

I don't even know anymore. His well being is my top priority now and when a couple of nights ago I saw him lean over a desk, clutching onto his shirt while he gripped onto the orange canister of pills.

I was reminded that he had chronic chest pains.

And that it hurts him a lot.

He suffered so much, and I wasn't there for him half the time. That got me feeling like I owed him. Guilt was like eating away at me day by day. It was borderline an obsession for me to check up on him.

When we made love that night it changed some things. We got more intimate as a couple. It made me realize how well he treats me.

Then I think back about what happened between us and I wish it never did.

I owe him. But at the same time I don't in a way.

He makes me feel so precious and I don't want to lose him.

When he told me he had to back to to that triad, to that stupid clan, group or whatever you call it, it solidified my fears even further.

I can't say this enough but everything and anything that has to do with the triad is bad news. It always will be bad news. Some day or another, it's going to catch up to us. Something bad is going to tear us apart. I have this feeling and it's so unsettling.

These thoughts keep me up well into the night recently. I haven't slept properly in a really long time.

So it brings me here now, laying in bed wrapped around Tae. Eyes wide open and my thoughts as loud as can be.

I loosened myself from his hold and gently placed his arm back into a comfortable position.

I scooted over to the edge of the bed, almost hugging the very end of it.

My hands instantly grasped at my stuffed monkey as I held it close to my chest, curling myself up to keep warm because the unfamiliar coldness was getting to me.

Every night after I knew Tae had fallen asleep, I'd slip away from his hold and sometimes to the other room to cry myself to sleep.

I felt so guilty about us, him.

He was going to be gone, away from this world. No longer breathing the same air as I did.

I can't imagine that. My mind always slips into the state of guilt when I'm with him.

I wiped my tears away and bit my lip harder as I tried to stop my trembling body from shaking so much from my sobs.

The warmth crept up against my back, pressing my body close to the source. I breathed in a sigh of relief, still my face buried into my stuffed monkey.

Tae's arm snaked into my long shirt and caressed my tummy, the warmth gliding over my bare skin as he hummed and pressed a kiss on my temple.

"How long have you been crying?"

I didn't say anything but managed to sniffle and intertwine with the hand that was rubbing my stomach in small gentle strokes.

"Miyoung. ."

I hate you when you say that, just because I tend to fall into your trap when you call me that.

"I-I don't know. Half an hour?"

"No, baby. Since when have you been crying every night?"

He knows, how does he know.

"I-I don't?" I meekly said. He chuckled hoarsely and played with my fingers, rubbing them with his thumb every now and then.

"Don't lie, Miyoungie." He said, looking at me waiting for me to tell him the truth.

I puffed up my cheek and hid into my stuffed animal.

"Ever since we. . .made love." I mumbled into my monkey plush, trying to muffle whatever came out.

I was still a little shy and I haven't gotten over it yet.

"My piggy." He snorts.

He rolls over, bringing me with as I laid on his chest and rested my chin on top of my folded arms that were nestled so nicely on top of his chiseled pecs.

"Don't cry anymore, and don't stray away from me at night because of it. I miss my warm cuddle bug." He says so cutely but his deep voice laced with sleep offset that.

"Sorry."

He shook his head.

"No need to say sorry, let's just spend our days together as is."

"Together. ." I repeated as I traced my finger along his jawline. Forgetting that I was literally laid in front of him as he stared at me oogling his sexiest feature.

"Yes, together."

I kissed his cheek and he reached up to tuck the hair behind my ear, looking at my tiredly but contently.

"Taetae. ."

"Yes, Miyoungie?"

"I love you." I whispered, smiling against his jaw.

He chuckled heartily and cupped my cheek.

"I love you too piglet."

I punched him in the gut for calling me that, but I snuggled against his neck and smiled.

I missed his scent, I missed his warmth around me.

I missed my Taetae.

Before I fell asleep I felt him kiss my cheek. I opened one eye and turned my body towards him.

He had a sleepy smile and kissed me again. "I know you maxed out my credit card today. $25,789? What did you buy today."

Uh oh. I fidgeted in his hug, feeling super guilty. But I couldn't help it. There were so many nice bags and dresses.

He laughed and I felt his lips on my skin again. "You know, I don't mind. I have too much money for myself and I'd rather spend it on you."

I turned around and tucked myself underneath his chin without saying a word.

Knowing he had his eyes on me, I wanted to tell him so many things.

Tae, you're always putting me over yourself. I feel so wanted when I'm with you, like I'm the only thing that matters to you.

My selfless little brown bear, I love you.

He breathed out and held me close, I felt his rapid heartbeats and pulled his shirt down, seeing that still fresh scar when he tried to leave the world.

I touched it and felt the healing stitches. It kind of scared me but I kept staring at it.

Tae grabbed my wandering hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing it and holding it against his cheek. "Don't, think about it anymore. I'm here with you and that's all that matters now."

Still, his words couldn't console my loud mind. Tears started to creep up from my ducts and my eyes started to water. I palmed his cheek but let go.

"I'm sorry. What I did in front of you will always be in the back of your mind. You will always feel this way. This was my fault. I'm sorry." He said softly. He was right, it was all his fault, but I couldn't blame him.

The thought of him leaving was always too much for me. I'll never stop thinking about it.

I let my hot tears stream down as I cried into the crook of his neck. He didn't say anything but pat my back and hold me closer.

Tae, hold me as close as you can. As tight as you can, and please dear god never let me go.

I need you so much, my little bear.


	23. Happiest Place on Earth

Kim Taeyeon

My little one skips into my office and swirls my office chair around, sitting right on my lap and shoves a brochure at me. She kisses me on the lips and pulls back, pointing at the crumpled papers in my lap.

"A greeting would be nice." I mumbled, scanning over the big bolded letters of the packet that said clearly, 'Disneyland Resorts.'

"Taebear, remember when you said you'd take me to Disneyland?" She said so cheerfully I thought that she was on something. Drugs? Probably not. Candy? Probably yes.

"Uh, sure?" I started to think back of when I said that. Did I even say that?

"Taetae. . you said you wanted to run away with me, remember?" She pouted, and when she gave me those damn puppy eyes, I knew she wanted something. I didn't expect her to remember any of that but she did.

I was still trying to earn back my $25K she had spent on designer bags and shit.

"Yes babygirl, I remember."

"So can we go? Please?"

"But, you're too old to be going to a kid's play place." I said. She frowned and I swear to god I have spawned the ultimate hell on earth; HellFany. Like, I've offended a lot of people in my life. But I've never seen someone so ticked off, bothered, and literally 'shook' from what I had just said.

R.I.P Kim Taeyeon 2017.

"But but but, you're never too old to go! Taeyeon-ah! I've never went and I've always wanted to go." She even pulls the resort magazine out of nowhere and flips to a random page, pointing at a bunch of kids on slippy slides. I rest my case.

"Sure. I'll pay for an all inclusive, exclusive getaway at Disneyland Resort. In exchange, I want many back massages, a case of beer and you not bothering me for something for the next. . let's say, 10 days?"

"But you have to go with me. ." she continues to whine, her puppy eyes intensifying. Frick.

"Fany-ah, I have a business to run and things to take care of. I'm a little busy right now."

"Then we can go later when you're not. I know you haven't been to Disneyland either. ."

"Okay, what is your point piglet?"

She snuggles closer to me pulling on my shirt to get my attention."You never go out, you're like a home fairy. All you do is sit home and play games all day. You never interact with people and you refuse to go out unless it's an absolute need. I've skimmed through your photo album Taeyeon-ah, there's barely any photos of you on vacation. Think of this getaway, being your kind of real first one and it'll be with me." She was literally glowing, beaming if I could really say. Like she is a literal happy virus. But man, she is so persuasive. I almost said yes.

"Yeah yeah yeah. What would we even do there? It's a place for kids." I ask her scratching the side of my head in which she tickles my elbow for.

"I get to go on a date that I've always dreamt about going." She says smiling. But this smile wasn't normal, it was the beady eye smiles that she makes when she really wants something.

"Correction, it's a date that you've seen in your collection of chick flicks on Netflix and it's something you want to recreate." She slaps my stomach, annoyed at how right I am.

I chuckle at the sight. Cutiepie Pany.

"You can take me on all the rides, we can go to all of the prize booths and you can help me with them since I'm bad and I need a big strong mans help. We can get tons of food, and eat them by the fountain in the middle of the park watching the parade around us. Then at 9:00 they have this firework show at night that ends the parade! It'll be really magical and then we can go see all the Disney characters!" At this point, I'm just staring at her amused at her passion for going to a kids amusement park. She says it with such grace as the words flow right out of her mouth as if she was a travel brochure for Disneyland Resorts. I couldn't stop smiling at my excited short piggy.

"Wow you really came prepared.I don't know who you're trying to convince though, me or yourself."

"Taetae. ." She whined once more, pouting and looking like a damn pupper. Puppy Hwang, give me a thousand of her.

"I can't say no can I?"

She shook her head. "Nope. It's either a yes or a yes."

I sighed. I sighed pretty loudly. A really exaggerated sigh. She kept rubbing my ear and I thought that was such an unfair tactic. It was borderline illegal.

"Fine. I guess we'll go." I mumbled. She screamed and jumped in her seat, which was my lap. She smothered me in kisses and I sat there unamuzed.

My legs were bruised from all that jumping, my ears deafened from the dolphin like squeal, and I felt my face numb from the kissies.

"I'll leave you alone to conquer the world now." She quietly slipped out of my lap and shut the door behind her.

I placed the crumpled Disneyland brochure on my desk. I just had to glance at it and scoff.

I'm whipped.

Heechul: 4:04 @ old compound east side.

I sighed, placing my phone roughly back onto the table and watching the open door where my girl had just walked out.

I pulled my drawer out, looking at the shiny new nickel plated pistol I had.

What a gorgeous little baby.

Deeper in my drawer I pulled out my shiny new knife I had ordered and custom made for me. Initials on the gold hammered blade; K.J.

For you, my brother. Jonghyun.

I held the knife up by its leather grip, making it literally twinkle underneath the room's ceiling lamp.

I looked closer at the fresh cut blade, seeing my reflection upon the metal.

That was me. I frowned at my own face, holding up such an item that has so much potential.

God what am I going with my life.

I hope you're living alright Jonghyun. This is me making it up to you.

I heard a girlish scream followed by a bunch of furniture shifting and Prince's barking. My instincts obviously came about and I grabbed both gun and knife in hand. "Tae! There's a cockroach in the living room!" . . . And I put them back in my drawer and sighed.

I took the bug spray from my emergency Fany kit behind my chair and walked downstairs, seeing her up on the couch screaming and pointing at the bug.

"Will you stop? I thought I had to kill someone." I grumble not impressed.

"You have to kill that bug is what you have to do!" She says, still scared to the bone with Prince at her feet barking at the bug too.

Both scaredy poops, both loud poops.

"Jesus Christ Fany-ah, don't scream bloody murder. I thought something actually happened like well, murder. Hell, it could've been a ghost and I'd still be inclined to come down here."

She shook her head, probably ignoring everything I had just said. "Taetae hurry before it runs and tells all of its cockroach friends that there's a party in here!" She wailed, pulling my arm and guiding me to follow the slow moving insect.

With the nozzle pointed, I bid you goodbye Mr. Cockroach, scaring my girl since 801, '89 and giving me false alarms since '17.

That night we cuddled in bed watching a movie, Beauty and The Beast I think. Was it? I don't know, it was a Disney movie to set the mood for the upcoming trip she said.

"Cutiepie." I cooed, kissing her forehead all over till she got annoyed with me and pushed me of the bed. "Fany-ah, be nice. I bruise like a peach." I got back up and crawled underneath the covers, touching her milky smooth skin and pulling her leg to be underneath the sheets with me.

"Hey." I said, hovering above her.

"Hi. So, how about that Disneyland trip?" She quipped.

"I'm trying really hard to seduce you right now and you are not helping with your dream vacation." I had the biggest frown of all frowns. I am Mr. Frown.

"Sorry baby, I just really want to go and like you said we can go but I have this feeling that you don't really go an-" I pinched her lips. She talked too much.

"Can I just do the sexy times with you and then we can talk about it later? I promise we'll talk about it all night long after we do the things." I mumbled against her collarbone, pulling down the strap of her nightgown.

She pecked my head and cupped the side of my head, pulling gently on my head and I was reluctant to look up because I knew what she was going to be talking about.

"But do you really want to go to Disneyland with me? You don't have to. I know you're busy." She said in a small voice. I rubbed her arm gently, looking at my tiny baby.

I sighed and sat up, all my sexual tendencies washed away when she asked such an innocent question.

"We're going. Busy or not I said I'd go with you right?"

"Really Tae?" Incoming crescents alert. Incoming eyesmiles.

"Yes, love. I will go with you. Now let's sleep. I'm tired of answering your many questions." I mumbled, turning around to shut the TV off and crawling right into bed, tucking her underneath my chin.

"You cuddle me so tightly. I feel like a stick sometimes." Her muffled voice came out.

"It's for security measures, don't want to lose you. Think about it this way, if a tornado hits if we'll be swept away together." I said, yawning and reaching above me to turn off the lights.

My eyes started to water from my yawn and I couldn't keep my eyes open much longer.

She giggled a cute one and snuggled closer to me, her breath hitting my skin. "Night Taetae. Can't wait to go on that trip with you."

Ah, yes that trip. I must not disappoint now.

I hummed and rubbed her back, wanting her to sleep well and sleep tight.

Even with that in the corner of my mind I got up a couple of hours later, knowing what the text I received earlier in the night meant.

I slipped out of her hold, struggling to since she sleeps all clingy and koala like. I felt like a kangaroo mother, you know, having her little kid in her pouch by her at all times.

I went into my closet, picking out the whitest of all whitest silk import dress shirts I had, some black trousers and a matching black tie. Did I need the tie? I don't know, but Fany always said the details counted and she always liked the tie on me.

It wasn't like she was going with me, but still liked to look good for Fany. I'm not trying to impress any other girl or whatever, just wanted her to feel like she's proud to call me her fashionable best friend or boyfriend.

Hah, that's me. I wiped my own smug smile off my face, imagining her pinching my cheeks for thinking so highly of myself.

I tucked my dress shirt in, taking care to get every little detail. I slipped on a matching suit jacket and adjusted my tie, slicking my hair back perfectly. One last look and I forgot one more thing. My obnoxious gold plated knife I refuse to get a single drop of blood on. Gotta tuck it in the loop of my belt too. Extra precaution, I don't wanna come home mauled at or I'd get an earful from Fany.

I walked by the bed, still eyeing the small lump on the large bed sound asleep. I plugged in her pink unicorn night light, keeping in mind if she ever did wake up she wouldn't be too spooked. Plus, if she ever needs to go to the washroom she won't walk into shit like I do in the dark. Extra precaution.

"You better light up her path when she needs to walk around the room or I'll have no choice but to beat your plastic ass into a pulp. You understand?" The unicorn night light just flickered and I'll take it as a response.

Fuck, why am I even talking to a night light.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, watching her sleep so cutely. My hand instinctively went to brush her hair back out of her eyes, rubbing her temple with my thumb. Smooth milky skin, my type.

You look cute when you sleep, like a little pupper. Heh, I almost broke out into a laugh imagining her as a puppy. I would never let her go from my arms. I'd cuddle her to death.

The sound of a chime made my ears twitch. Her notifications sounds were always so obnoxiously loud, and annoying. Who the fuck does she need to talk besides me? I am the only one. The one and only.

I grabbed her phone, unlocking the screen and right into the messenger app. What the fuckles.

I didn't even see what the persons name was, she changed the contact name to 'Irrelevant'

I scrolled through the messages.

Irrelevant: Tiff, let's talk. I'm in town for a photo shoot. Let's figure it out.

In an instant I knew it was whatever the fuck his name was Lee Cheoldick. There was only one model guy that she talked about, or talked to. The other messages were about forgiveness or some shit, getting back together or whatnot.

So they did date. Well that just felt like a billion undercuts to my face. I cringed at the thought of them kissing. holding hands or hugging. I felt like I need to throw Fany into a washing machine to get rid of that nasty crusty ass Cheoldick's germs.

I was a bit choked. She didn't tell me about him basically annoying the crap out of her through text. I'd like to know if these things are happening to her but I guess it's alright. I can't be too mad over this.

Mine, mine mine mine. She's mine and mine only.

I placed the phone back and shook my head, my face lifting to a smile immediately as I glanced back at sleeping piggy Fany. She had a little snore and I died a little inside.

I got up but the bed started to creak and I froze. I got up a bit more and it creaked again till I felt a small tap on my back.

"Taetae? Where are you going?" She whispered. She sat up from the bed, rubbing her eyes so cutely that I couldn't have the heart to just leave her be and walk. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.

"Work, Fany-ah." I said as delicately I could. She knew exactly what kind of 'work' and she hated it.

She frowned.

"Fany-ah? Hey." I walked back to her, sitting on the bed and pulling her to my lap.

She sniffles and held the lapels of my suit. "Please don't go. Stay here with me."

"I have some things to do, I'll be quick. 2 hours max." She shook her head. This deal wasn't going to work. "1 hour?" She pulled my jacket tighter in response.

"Why do you always have to go? I don't like your type of work, you know that." She mumbled, hand rubbing my shoulder.

"You know I have to."

"Just don't go this time please Taetae? Sleep with me?" She said, pouting with teary puppy eyes. I almost stayed. I almost just scraped my plans for tonight and stayed. But I had to go.

I hummed and stroked her hair, tucking some strands behind her ear and reassuring her with the look of my eyes that it'll be fine.

She wouldn't go to sleep. Every time she would accidently fall asleep on my shoulder, she'd jolt awake and look up to see if I was actually there. Then she'd stuff her face in the crook of my neck and repeat the process over and over again.

I held her close, rubbing he back to coax her to sleep. When I placed her back into bed and tucked her in, she still had her hand intertwined with mine tightly. I pulled away gently, slowly and as calmly as I could to not wake her.

When finally broke free of the grasp she kind of whimpered, frowning and turning a bit in her sleep. But she didn't wake up.

I inched off the bed slowly, tucking the monkey toy beside her too.

I crept out slowly, shutting the door and making sure everything was secured. A simple glance at my watch read 3:57. I had almost no time to make it where i needed to be.

4:04.

But it was 4:27 when I was actually got there, stepping out of my car with my shoes scraping along the pavement. I closed the door and walked towards the gated private property, climbing along the fence and avoiding the barbed wire. I jumped down and straightened out my suit.

Jonghyun's old compound for cars. Right he used to deal with stolen foreign cars and sell them for a damn living. The shit this triad is involved in is fucking ridiculous.

I opened the door and saw seated men, a bunch of slobs around them and their little bodyguards surround them. I walked straight through them, sitting onto the chair in the middle of them.

"Problem?" I asked, setting my feet up onto the desk, pulling back one of the desk drawers to see a gun tucked underneath a bunch of papers. I glanced back up, eyeing the many small bosses who work under me.

"She's coming." One of them said, gnawing on a piece of wood. That's fucking disgusting.

I scoffed, lighting up a cigar. "Who's coming." I muttered, cigar almost burning the shit out of my hand because I accidently grazed it.

And just on cue, this bitch came storming in a trail of beefy men barged in.

"How may I help you, sweetiepie?" I placed the cigar on the dish, flicking a lamp on. They needed to renovate this stupid hideout. A little too old for my liking. It wasn't like this when I was in charge back then. But now that I'm back, it has to go.

She smiled sweetly, but a blind person could see it was fucking fake. Couldn't deny though, she looked hot in that skin tight red dress. Loved that red lipstick too.

Bitch be looking like a snack.

"Can we talk, baby? Alone." She purred, hands rubbing my thigh. I gestured for everyone to get out of the room. I glared at her bodyguards and cleared my throat. She dismissed them and when she turned around to face me I had her pinned up against a wall, hands above her head.

"What the fuck do you want?" I said in her ear. She struggled against my hold but I pried her legs open with my leg and had it wedged between her.

"Dad wouldn't like to hear that you're rough handling me now." She spat, glaring at me with fiery eyes. I scoffed and let her go, leaning on the edge of the desk with my hands in my pocket.

"Did you look this good to see me baby? I love your tie." She smirked, hands trailing against my chest, she grabbed my tie and pulled on it gently.

"Why didn't you send your guys to help us when we had a fucking shootout in downtown east side? You knew about it but you fucking sat back and watched."

"Wasn't going to involve my men and kill them because of your petty shit. Stay the fuck away from areas that you aren't and maybe you wouldn't get shot up. Don't be stupid."

She narrowed her eyes at me, heels clicking against the floor and when she got too close to me her hands grabbed my crouch. I slapped her hand away and shoved her to a wall. My hands stated to sweat and I gulped the forming lump in my throat.

"Did you forget? I'm your Uncle Lee Sooman's daughter. I can kill you Kim." She smirked like she's important or something.

"Adopted daughter." I corrected.

She gritted her teeth and clenched her fist. When I started to laugh she went back to her calm and cool composure. Fake ass bitch.

"Did you just come here to try to punish me for not support one of your schemes? You still petty over the fact that I left you?" I said, probably mashing her buttons left and right.

"You're still mad I fucked you good and left you there? Remember your confession to me darling? You told me you loved me. So where's the love now honey?" I continued, pucker my lips up for her and if looks can kill, I'd still be alive.

"Don't act like you're in charge of this little game we have, because you're not. Leave the bosses to be bosses. Don't try to be one. Go be your daddy's little daughter, keep a low profile or it's gonna bite you back in the ass."

"Give me a kiss sweetpea, wouldn't wanna leave your Prince Charming hanging now."

"I'd rather kiss a snake." She growled, heading out the door but turned around.

"Well, I am a snake. Kiss?" I said, tapping my cheek.

"I hope you remember Seolhyun." Then with a slam of the door she was gone.

I shook my head. I tried to jog my memory. Sounds familiar. Seolhyun, Seolhyun. . What the fuck.

I stepped out of the office and walked to the forming crowd. "Send these cars overseas to Europe. Lose the tracking numbers on those. We're moving the compound to Aberdeen Island. I want that fucking shit built brand new, gold plate everything."

"Got an obsession with gold now?" Kris said, chuckling.

Didn't expect the guy to be here but I shrugged. "I'd get my teeth gold plated and my asshole too. I'd shit gold if I really wanted to. Shut up and make it happen."

"Got it boss." He said, winking at me before gathering some of the guys.

I turned around, heading back to my golden Ferrari. Yeah, gold.

I rested my head against the steering wheel. A little pissed off. Seolhyun lingered in my mind. Juniel didn't scare me, but I had no idea what she as planned and me not knowing something before hand made me uneasy.

I placed my phone on the phone stand on my dash and set the route to my next destination.

Lucky me, I arrived jut in time to see him walk out of his car and into the building. I waited in my own car for awhile, letting him get settled and whatnot.

The minute hand struck on the 6 o clock and I walked out and into one of the trailers. I looked around the plated numbers, searching for the right one to find the guy.

But I didn't have to. I ran into him with him holding a late of breakfast or some crap because he tripped and fell on the ground, food everywhere. He grumbled and got up, patting himself clean.

"Look where the fuck you're going, irrelevant piece of shit." He mutters. Wow, the name Fany gave him really did suit him. Calling me irrelevant, nah. Lee Cheoldick is what he is.

I smiled a crooked one and poked his cheek. He frowned and looked at me like I'm so crazy mother fucker. Which I was, because I ended up launching my fist towards his nose, he fell back, cupping his bloody face while his model girlfriend which I assumed started to scream.

I wiped my fist on his clothes, tainting his white shirt. "You got a little something on your nose bud, a little blood? A piece of pancake?" I pointed to his cheek.

He looked like he was going to cry and I didn't mean to make anyone cry but oops.

I crouched down beside him and he started to back away in horror. His face looked like a punctured cherry Kool Aid pouch. I didn't mean to hit him that hard but. "Cheoldick? Cheolwoo? What's your name? Nevermind don't answer that not important."

"Leave Tiffany alone." I whispered in his ear, taking a pancake from the plate and eating it. "Understand?" I said through my munching. Pancakes are good.

He nodded timidly, still looking at me confused and shit. "Alrighty then. Have a nice day." I patted my hands clean and plopped the half eaten pancake onto his stomach. I wiped my mouth clean with my pocket square, getting back into my gold plated car to get some breakfast for my little lump sleeping.

I adjusted the mirror and saw the lipstick smudge on my collar. What was I going to say. Did I even have an explanation. The truth, I told myself. Tell the truth if baby girl asks.

I discarded the shirt and pulled out an extra t-shirt. I made a detour to the nearest travel agency.

Maybe that Disney trip isn't such a bad idea after all. Gotta go buy those pairs of tickets as fast as I humanly can now.

She didn't know what happened or where I went after. I came home that day right before she woke up so all was good. I decided to take her on the trip she wanted to go so badly.

I told her to pack for warm weather and that is literally the only hint I told her. She kept bugging me every single day following up to the day we boarded my jet to fly there just like how she bugged me to go to Disneyland. Little lady doesn't know when to stop, but it's cute.

The entire plane ride was just 'where are we going, can I have a hint, Taetae tell me.' She even bribed me with back massages, a little sexy times etc. etc. But no, I must stay strong.

I can't take the bait.

I just let her sit on my lap the entire plane ride, watching TV with her or entertaining her with my funny self. She even took monkey George along, so I kind of threw the stuffed animal around the plane. It kept me entertained because Fany was jumping everywhere for it, whining, yelling threats at me if I didn't give it back to her.

In the end I put him in my shirt and walked around the cabin telling the flight attendant I was expecting my first child with Fany. The flight attendant laughed, and I did too. We had a little chit chat but I guess Fany wasn't impressed because when I turned around she was gone. And by gone I meant she was in her own seat flipping through a magazine angrily.

I found out the reason she was mad at me a bit later when I smothered her in kisses to make her talk to me. Apparently I was 'flirting' with the flight attendant. I laughed so hard because the flight attendant was married, has 4 kids and a loving wife.

When we touched down to Tokyo I blindfolded her. I told her it was my new kink and I almost had my head bitten off by her for saying it so damn loud in front of many people. She told me she didn't want to hear about my sexual fantasies. "It's just for awhile, it's a surprise to where we are."

"Is it Disneyland?!" She said excitedly. Clapping her hands, jumping a bit. Fuck you Fany. I deadpanned so hard. Unbelievable. Was I that predictable?

"No? I told you we'll go to Disneyland later. We're only staying at this place for like 2 days." I lied through my teeth. She nodded and held my arm as I guided her to the car waiting for us.

As soon as the car stopped in the entrance of Disneyland I had to carry her out of the car. Obviously I couldn't carry her in peace. Yelps, screams and a bunch of back hitting came with it. It looked like I was kidnapping her, it looked so bad to onlookers but it was only for a few minutes. I placed her down on her feet and she hung onto me. "Taetae? Where are we. ." She asked, hands trying to pry the blindfold off.

"My secret sex dungeon."

"What the fuck Taeyeon."

"I don't know where we are, you tell me."

"The thing is, I don't know where we are! So I can't! Stop being a smart ass!" Even when she can't see, she still manages to punch me in the gut.

I rubbed my belly, lifting up my shirt to see if there was any bruising. "God, you're so noisey. Just wait, you'll see where we are." I grumbled.

I pushed her a bit more and guided her. I accidently made her walk into a couple of kids, a trash can and she almost went over the fence. Almost.

It was an adventure itself but when I made her stand still infront of the gate I pulled her blindfold off.

"Tada, welcome to the happiest place on earth. Apparently, according to you." She screamed a happy scream. I had to poke at my ear a bit to see if I could still hear anything but other than that all was good.

She hugged me, arms wrapped around my waist and I had to waddle around away with her from the entrance with her on my lower half because we were making a racket, drawing attention to ourselves and kind of bothering people who were trying to leave the place. I scratched my head, don't know what to do with a ball of excitement.

"Taetae!"

"Shush, you're a little loud." I said, patting her head because she looked like a little pup.

I was about to ask her what we should do but when she yanked me roughly and almost made me die on the spot, I just shut my trap and went where she took me.

I didn't expect her to have that strong of a pull, nor did I expect her to take me on the biggest fucking roller coaster of my puny life.

I glanced up, neck stretching to see the towering metal tracks going all over the place and I've never wanted to piss my pants so badly in my life.

"Hey, you. Pipsqueak. A-Are we going on that?" I said, pointing with a shaky finger when we seemed to be getting closer and closer.

"Yeah! Hurry there's going to be a line up!" And there she was, pulling and pulling and pulling the way her small tiny body could pull.

I didn't even realize it was our turn to get on when she pushed me in the cart and my body was a tangled ball of human mush and bones in a little cart. I freaked at the claustrophobic space.

"I'm too big to fit in here." I said, still trying to squeeze myself in.

"It's fine just tuck your stupid long legs underneath the bar and you'll live. Move over Taetae, I wanna sit beside you!" She too squeezes beside me and I couldn't feel my hip bones.

Her hand clamps down on my bicep and I thought I was going to lose circulation. It's alright with me though, Fany looked so happy.

When the safety bar clicks in place and the ride starts, I was the one who held onto her bicep.

All I saw was a happy puppy Fany before blacking out and dying.

I gulped when the ride stopped. I looked over to Fany and the next thing I heard was 'let's go again!'

I couldn't. I waved at her and shook my head. "F-Fany-ah, I don't feel well, please do-"

The safety bar clicks again and my eyes widened. I grabbed on Fany's arm and shook her. "No no no no no no no no no no!" And there I go, being sky rocketed into the air at 100km/hr.

You can find me vomiting near a trash can after that wild ride.

I leaned against the bin and wiped my mouth with a napkin she gave me. I wanted to curl up in a ball and shrivel up.

"Taetae? Are you okay?"

"What do you mean am I okay? You made me go on that fucking ride again when I told you I wasn't feeling well. Now I feel like even more shit." I snapped, roughly grabbing the tissues in her hand.

"Sorry." She mumbled, looking all sad and shit with her little frown. What the fuck is she mad about, she isn't the one puking out today's lunch.

"Come on shortstuff, let's leave before I call the trash can my second home." I said, grabbing her hand and walking away. My stomach was still uneasy but I wanted to lighten the mood up a bit.

I never really had yelled at her like that.

My eyes darted toward that really fake looking house in the corner of the park and I looked at her. She still had a little frown and a pout but I pointed at the area and she immediately shook her head.

"Look, a haunted house. I wonder what every cliche chick flick has ever done with a haunted house. Oh no, I think we have to go there."

"That's an instant one way ticket to sleeping on the floor and a free ride to Satan's asshole if you think you're dragging me in there." She hisses and starts to run away.

Time to catch a piglet.

"But can we go? I wanna go." I said, catching up to her because she has such itty bitty legs.

"Then go by yourself." She mumbles and pushes me away. I sigh and walk infront of her. She tried to go around me but I ended up just picking her up and hauling her over my shoulder.

She kicked, yelped, screamed and pretty much bruised my back but it was worth it.

I bought the tickets for the damn haunted house and waited in line carrying my precious cargo on my shoulder. She was kind of wailing and everyone waiting had a kick out of it. I was pretty much entertaining them.

When it was our turn to enter she clutched the pole outside the door in fear for her little life and I rolled my eyes. The attendant just stared at her and I was there mercilessly yanking my piglet off it and pushing her in.

It was great. Every time some crusty ghost popped out of the shadows she'd grip my arm and smother herself right up against me.

When it got really 'spooky' she'd hug me and hide her face in my torso, making me walk and guide her out.

Just before I died of laughter, the last thing I heard before the onslaught of dolphin screams and felt that constant hold on my hand was her screaming 'I'm breaking up with you!'

"I fucking hate you." She said with tears in her eyes. I mean I felt kind of bad for laughing but she wouldn't really break up with me, would she?

"Are you seriously crying?" I ask, giving her a tissue.

She huffs and aggressively takes the tissue from my hand.

"Oh come on nugget, those things weren't even real."

She turns away from me and stomps angrily. "We're going on that." She says, pointing at another colourful roller coaster that was for sure going to make my insides mush.

I cringed and shivered, remembering how I puked all over the place like a wuss after the first couple of rides this morning.

"You're funny dwarf." I snorted and walked the other way.

"Fine! Then don't go!" She yells and I turned on my heel and jogged right beside her. She ignored me the entire time we were standing in line and I was a bit of an asshole for ruining her day.

When we stepped into the ride she smiled and turned to me, kissing me on the cheek whispering 'you're the best' and then the ride started.

I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready at all. Oh god my hair is going to be ruined, I'm going to have another barf session with the garbage can later.

I sat outside on the bench for awhile after that. I never knew how much of a wuss I was. I didn't know I couldn't go on rides anymore. I'm actually so sad.

"Taetae!" Fany came running to me with a bottle of water and she looked so cutesy.

But my head snapped at the couple of men staring at her behind.

I stood up and frowned, gesturing Fany to come in my arms. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and kissed he top of her head.

"Mine." I growled, marking her like infront of everyone who kept looking at her the way they were.

"Possessive loser who can't go on rides." She says, punching me lightly but looking up at me asking for a peck on the lips.

"Fany-ah, promise me you won't tell the boys about this? Please please?"

"Why not."

"I won't hear the end of it. During high school every time they asked me to go I always dipped and made some lame excuse up." I mumbled, taking a sip of water to hydrate my disgusting throat. She starts laughing and oh my those crescents were adorable.

I felt a couple of drops of water on my head and I looked up. Overcast skies and Mother Nature decides to take a piss on us.

"God is sweating on us right now. Come on let's go somewhere dry."

We walked hand in hand together to the gift shop.

I unlaced my hands with her and walked to the back, eyeing the wall that had a bunch of merchandise hung there.

My hands skimmed through the pile and I came across a bunch of plastic ponchos. Or raincoats.

Couple raincoats.

Dark blue raincoats with Mickey Mouse or Minnie Mouse on the back of them.

I squatted there and kept looking at them back and forth back and forth.

Now, do I really wanna do this couple thing? God it's so weird. And cringe, and cliche, and everything awkward.

I stood up towering over the shelves and I cursed how all she was. I couldn't find her no matter how tall I was, she was too short and blended in with the racks and stuff.

"Piglet." I called. She came running from the behind and hugged my back, smothering her face on my backside.

"Taebear! Look!" I turned around and she held her hands up with Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse hats and I just sighed.

I brought the raincoats infront of me from my back and she tilted her head in question.

"Outside. Raining. Raincoats. Me and you."

She grabbed the Minnie Mouse one and with twinkling eyes looked like she was going to cry.

"W-What. Stop looking at me like that." I said, wiping my hands on my pants because they were getting clammy.

"Awh, you're so cute." She cooed. She tiptoed to put the hat on me and it was lopsided. I huffed and find fixed it myself.

She went infront of the mirror and put hers on adjusting her little floral dress too.

"Come on short stuff, we got some mascots to chase around."

I paid for all the stuff and gave her the raincoat, helping her put it on. I pulled the hood on for her and made sure she was properly covered. Wouldn't want my dearest to be soaked, although that would be a great sight.

I put on mine but she grabbed my hood and pulled it over my head and down to my eyes, covering it to the point where I just saw blue.

"Hey, cheeky." I stuck my tongue out and walked out the door.

I walked back in 10 seconds later, soaked from head to toe.

"Never mind bad idea. Don't go outside. These raincoats don't do shit." I grumbled, staring at the pooling water at my feet.

"No time to waste Taetae, rain or not let's go. Where should we go?"

"I don't know, wherever your little legs can take us." I flung some droplets of water at her and a kid that was walking by me pointed at me and said I was 'childish' to their parents.

I frowned. Kids. They are evil.

"Let's go find Mickey and Minnie Mouse."

Oh no. More walking. My poor feetsies. I'd rather stay home and play The Sims.

So finding them wasn't particularly hard but when this duck thing came up to me and squeezed my ass I got so scared.

"What the fuck." I said under my breath, hiding behind Fany avoiding the oversized duck.

"Donald Duck likes you Taetae, say hi."

"Dude, Donald Duck's a damn perv is what he is, he touched my butt." I hissed, still glaring at the animal and keeping my distance.

"I guess everyone wants a piece of your ass too."

"How are you okay with this, what if underneath that costume it was a girl?" I whisper in her ear, my own hands holding my ass to shield it from predators.

"Wait. You have a point." She said. We stepped to the side and waited for all the little mini humans to take pictures with the characters. I mean, we're adults so we should wait. But, screw those kids.

We ended up waiting for like 15 minutes and I got pretty friggin bored. Fany pulled my navy blue short sleeved oxford shirt down which she picked out for me, and tugged my khaki shorts up, which she still picked for me.

"I look hot right? Of course I do. You dressed me."

Fany made a point of taking pictures with everyone but Donald Duck. For all we know, it could be some old man, an old woman, a teenage girl, hell even a man could be in there.

A bit more pictures and adventuring through Harry Potter Land and the Avatar one, time flew by so fast that the sky was already dark. It was almost time for the nightly fireworks and I pulled her away from the forming crowd.

"Taetae? We need to find good seats."

"That's exactly what I'm doing."

"If your idea of good seats is hanging us off a building then you can go to hell Tae." She said super seriously. She's so scary when she's serious, I still get nightmares.

"No no, it's better than that." I chuckled.

"Better?!" She yells. God, my ear.

I lead her to the back of Disneyland, along where the fenced off area kind of ended and the amount of shrubs and trees were starting to get abundant. "Are we allowed to be here?" She whispered, looking behind her like we were doing something illegal. I shook my head.

"Probably not, but these are the best seats in the house babybeans." I pulled myself up and onto the railing, sitting my ass on it and gesturing for her to do the same.

"Tae, I can't get up." She said in a small voice.

"Try."

"I feel like I'll fall if I sit up there though Tae."

"Then don't fall." I said. She slapped my knee for being such a smart ass but I shrugged. Just don't fall then.

I got off my spot and lifted her up, placing her on top of the railing and settling her there and made sure she was secure. I wouldn't want my pretty piggy to break a few bones, or teeth. I lifted myself back up and sat beside her. "Do I have to do everything for you." I grumbled. she giggled and nodded.

She clung onto my arm and rested her head on my shoulde.r I breathed in the scent of her and it always smelt good. I'd give it a rating of 11/10.

Then the colour of the pyrotechnics exploded into a mess of greatness. The sounds of booms came after and it did really look pretty when some of it faded away, sizzled, or lingered longer than it should've. My hand was then laced with hers, she squeezed it with every firework that went up. My hand felt warm, the nice kind of warm.

I turn my head just to see the fireworks glisten in her large glossy eyes and mouth agape. The mixture of random lights emitted from the fireworks helped light up her face even more. I couldn't help but smile at the little burst my heart got from seeing her like this. Maybe coming to Disneyland wasn't such a bad idea after all, it was worth it to witness the small amount of happiness emitted from her. My little feather.

"Hey, I love you." I blurted.

She smiles even bigger never taking her eyes off the fireworks but turned to me in a split second and wraps her arms around my neck, straddling me right on that railing and I had to steady myself with my arm and one wrapped around her waist. I thought we'd fall from the sudden movement. My heart literally popped. Thought I'd drop the both of us.

I was going to scold her but I couldn't. She looked at me with those eyes. "I love you too." She replied with a giggle when I finally stopped having my little freakout.

The soft lips on mine muted everything around me and it was like a spotlight that focused on Stephanie. I felt like I was in a theater or a play where the light was on us and everything else around us was pitch black but us. Nothing like the sounds of the booms, the muddled noises of human voices, or even the sounds of nature was even heard when we kissed. Don't know why, but this time it was different.

"You're so perfect." I said when we broke from the kiss.

"And you're distracting me from seeing the fireworks." She said, nibbling on my lip before letting go and turning her head to look behind her, watching the fireworks with me as I gripped her waist and held her closer.

Perfect is an understatement for you, love.

My heart was damn pumping fast. Nevermind the fireworks, all my attention was on her. This felt right, this is what normal couples do. Happiness is something we're both often so deprived of.

When the fireworks started to dwindle down and then erupt into a frantic explosion for a grand finale I heard her say 'awh' followed by a little sad pout. "I'll be your firework tonight babygirl." I said, wiggling my brows and she rolled her eyes.Unwraping her arms from my neck and hopping down with no problem.

Just a while ago she couldn't even get up without being scared.

I stepped down, patting myself clean and adjusting my attire but that small tug on my arm caught my short attention.

"Taeyeon-ah, carry me."

"We haven't even started walking?"

"My feet hurt."

"I told you not to wear those shoes of course your feet would hurt."

"Taeyeon-ah." She whined tugging on my shoulder.

I exaggerated my sigh and squatted down. At this rate I'll have a thick ass. A toned one too.

"Thank you Taetae!"

I mumbled something under my breath and she flicked my forehead. "What was that?"

"Nothing babycakes." I said, turning my head to the side to kiss her quickly before tightening my hold on her, walking along the gravel sandy path.

We look like a bundle of bags with a human sized teddy bear we won from the game booth that was barely hanging around her arm.

"Are you guys married?" A deep low voice behind me asks. He speeds up beside me with his wife in his arms smiling.

An old couple with graying hair, slowly walking with their hands intertwined as the crinkles around their eyes are prominent and their laughter seems to fuse together that sounded so wonderful in my ears.

"Oh, no not yet." I says with a smile bowing a bit to the old couple. Wish I was though.

"You guys argue like a married couple, I thought you guys were married!" The old lady says laughing alongside the man.

"Eh, you gotta do whatever it takes to let the misses happy." I said happily. She smacked me on the shoulder as a protest and we all chuckle.

"The secret to a good marriage is to always let the lady be right. Never argue with her and nod to everything she says even though she may be wrong." The old man murmurs loud enough for all of us to hear as he leans into my ear.

The old lady pulls at the old mans ear and he yelps pleading for her to stop.

"Young man, don't forget that if you make the lady mad it's an automatic one way ticket to the couch - or even worse, the floor!" The man says smiling as he trails behind his wife with his voice getting fainter as he gets further away.

"As Beyoncé once said, if you liked it then you should've put a ring on it." I shouted back. I did put a ring on it. Kind of. A promise ring.

"Well, that was weird." She laughed and snuggled into my shoulder.

I occasionally looked back to seeing a small faced cute girl fighting the sleep away as she tucked her face on my shoulder.

I will never mind carrying her on my back. I'd do it for as long as I can stand. My precious cargo.

I picked the most expensive loft on the top floor of the resort, complete with a spacious kitchen, spa, jacuzzi, entertainment room, a full balcony space and a huge master bedroom. Steph lectured me about how a regular hotel room would've been just fine but I wanted the best for her. I have a 10 digit figure in my bank so why not.

The receptionist was about to change it into the honeymoon suite but I quickly dismissed the idea. We can have that suite for another day, when we get married.

I scan my finger on the scanner and open the heavy doors being careful to not drop the small one on my back. I walk quietly into our room and plop her down gently tucking her underneath the covers.

She slowly stirs in her sleep but then becomes still. My hands tugged at her dress, not knowing if I should help her change.

I didn't want her to wake up and sack me to the oblivion for being a perv. But I did it anyways. I unzipped her dress ad pulled it off her, rummaging through her own luggage to find a shirt that she'd be glad to sleep in. I pulled out a black t-shirt and recognized it was mine. So that's where it went.

Right, I slipped it on for her and then took of her bra because apparently according to her those 'chambers of hell' aren't comfortable to sleep in.

I peel off my clothes for the day and take a quick shower, feeling squeaky clean and Fany approved. All I want to do was just snuggle up to Stephanie for the entire day. I didn't tell her this but my feet were killing me. I would've been slaughtered on the spot if I complained.

I crawled back into bed, laying beside her with my eyes wide open and mind as loud as can be. Even though I spent a dreamy day with Fany, I still thought about many things that I shouldn't have. Like Juniel, or Seolhyun. Jonghyun maybe?

I felt so uneasy. Guilt eating away at me slowly, chipping at me bit by bit. I should tell her.

I mean the only reason we were here in Tokyo Disneyland was because I felt like a genuinely bad person after that night. I didn't do anything necessarily bad, right?

I like to convince myself. I do it on a daily basis for extra reassurance.

I needed to tell her, soon or else it'll be bad. I've learnt that the hard way, the worst way.

"Taebear. ." She mumbled, licking my neck surprisingly and I glanced down a few moments later, my mind still preoccupied by my thoughts.

"Thought you were asleep."

"Kind of. I don't know what happened." She said. I followed her gaze, her stare at my neck and I cocked a brow, she smiled at my neck so smugly and when she bit her lip I couldn't help it.

"You marked me, didn't you?" I asked. She nodded and planted her lips on my jaw.

I pulled her up and kissed her deeply, prying her away from my jawline that she happens to be obsessed with.

"Mine." She mumbled between our kisses and I chuckled. I say that all the time.

"Now that I have your attention, tell me what's wrong." She said, her fingertips were just like her lips. Always entrancing me, making me so captivated because she kept tracing the contours of my face with them.

It was like a spell, a tactic just like how she can call me Taetae or how she rubs my ear to get me to completely melt for her. So unfair.

I have yet to find ways to get her to melt for me, so I can boss her around and sway the favour to my side.

"You just always know, hm?"

"You kept shuffling behind me tonight, you weren't sleeping so I figured that there's something bothering you." Her knuckles rubbed my chin and I felt like a cat, or a dog. Either way it felt good, it felt right. I guess.

"I can't avoid this discussion topic, right?"

She smiles. "Nope."

"Promise me you won't beat me up?"

"Maybe, depends on what you're going to tell me."

"Okay, be gentle with me then. Like really gentle. Super gentle, like delicate with me." I warned.

"Gentle, got it."

"Okay. Well. I was doing some work with the triad, and I kind of met someone." She nodded, understanding the story so far.

"Who. .?"

"Um."

"Spill, Kim."

"J-Juniel?"

Uh oh. It was a bad start already because she literally punched my shoulder.

"Ow, Fany-ah."

"Go on." She said with a frown.

I cleared my throat and had to say something because her glare had me many amounts of uncomfortable. "She grabbed my dick." I whispered.

Angry Fany incoming. Abort mission. Have mercy on me, dear lord.

"That's it she's dead!" She gets up and storms across the room, digging into my jacket for my phone.

"F-Fany-ah, you said you'll be gentle."

"To you! Not her!"

"Hey, hey you can just be goof around plotting a murder against someone halfway across the globe in the happiest place on earth a.k.a. Disneyland!"

"Why was she grabbing your dick!"

"I was at the base, dealing with some money issues owed to me and she and her posses stormed in mad that I didn't back her and her group up when they had a shootout downtown or something."

"She kind of tried to seduce me, hence the dick grabbing but do not worry. I kicked her ass out." I continued.

"Fany, please remember she doesn't know that I used her for the you know. . my shitty plan that got us separated." I said in a small voice. Bad times, bad memories.

"Yeah, a stupid plan that you thought was smart but wasn't. She's still fucking dead." She growled. I gotta admit, her calling me out and that plan stung but I deserve it.

"Who you calling?" I asked, tapping my nervous finger on wood.

"Your friend Key."

Huh. I shook my head in confusion. "That guy is the probably the best rifleman in the country. Why are you calling him, he could be busy you kn-"

"That's exactly why I'm calling him."

"You're not serious about assassinating her are you." Oh god.

"No, but if you can't scare her off then I will do it personally myself." She barked.

"There is no way in hell I will get you involved further into this triad shit." My voice rising above hers.

"Then this is why I'm calling backup. I'm getting people to do it for me since you can't." She said normally. She didn't even try to compete.

"I can, just not to the extent that you want it to be." I said much calmer this time.

"I'm not letting that stupid bimbo ruin us again. I've cried too much and waited too long for you for her to break us up again." She responds, ending the phone call when she couldn't get through to him.

"Oh." I got really quiet. I felt that unsettling crap in my stomach. Every time she brings anything bad up from the past i can't help but feel like shit.

She rarely does it, and that's why it stings so much.

She throws the phone on the bed and crawls into my lap so unexpectedly, resting her cheek on my shoulder.

"You know I only ever want you. I'm yours." I whisper.

She huffs and I rubbed her back. Feeling sorry towards her.

"This is supposed to be a happy vacation. I didn't mean for it to turn into this." I said softly, kissing the side of her head tenderly.

"I'm plotting her murder in my head right now, don't get me started Kim Taeyeon." She hissed jokingly. I chuckled, loving how she herself humors me at times.

"Is there anything that I can do to ease your mind?" I asked, still rubbing her smooth milky back.

She nodded. "Hold me."

And so I did. I held my precious little piggy.

I held her in a hotel room with Disney characters all around us, reminding me to be happy.

Damn Mickey giving me the stanky eye. Can't forget and Pedo Duck. Shivers still existing along my back every time I looked at that smug duck.

To enjoy the moment right now.

"I've got something for you."

She lifted her head up from my shoulder and frowned.

I made her put her palm out and she did, hesitantly.

I placed the golden wrapped coin in blue in her palm.

"Day whatever it is. Doesn't matter, I wanna give you one every single day. You said it made you the happiest at one point when you read it and opened the little pouch."

"I only ask of you to open these coin pouches when you're mad at me, when we have a fight or when you're thinking about leaving me."

"To read my small journal entries of us when things between us get bad, when you're sad, or when you need a good laugh when I'm not here."

"Promise me that, pigsy?" I said with such a heavy heart. Knowing how this ultimatum almost tore us apart too.

She had that charming smile I've fallen in love with so many times and she nodded. Hooking her pinky finger with mine. Another promise added to our books that we can never break.

She held the paper bound coin in her hand and leaned back into my shoulder, letting me hold her once more like that.

"Day 62." She said, voice soft as a feather.

I held her tight. I had a cheeky smile pressed against her head. She remembered, she still, wants it.

Day 62, love.


	24. Papa Hwang

Kim Taeyeon

The spamming of my doorbell got me shaking my lover awake.

"Yo. Wake up, get the door." I mumbled.

She smacked my forehead and turned the other way, pulling all the sheets with her. I opened one eye, glaring at the back of her head as I laid there cold as frickles. I didn't have a shirt on, I was a lonely Taeyeonie with his underwear on.

"Can you just get the door? Please Fany. I have work in like 2 hours, let your bear catch up on some sleep?"

"Go to hell Taeyeon. You heard the doorbell first go get it." She growled, shielding herself away from me. I groaned, flopping on the bed like a fish in anger. I made the bed shook and good, I hope that disturbed her beauty sleep.

"Dicky Fany." I grumbled, still trying to get my eyes to open.

I grumbled, scratching my bare back as I yanked some shorts on. I squinted at Fany curled up in a ball, hogging all the blankets. No wonder I felt so cold last night.

My tired self ran into a door frame and a sleeping puppy, I almost kicked Prince to moon by accident. I didn't see the small fluff by my feet okay?

I shook my head, walking down the stairs holding onto the railing. Man I'm getting so much older by the second.

I yanked opened the door, about to smack that person behind this thick door to oblivion for waking me up at such an unruly hour.

"Package for, Mr. Kim?" UPS man, dressed in brown. His shirt was too bright for me at this hour. I waved him off, squinting.

"Package my ass give me that shit you dickhead." I signed the papers and pushed him out the door, grabbing my package and plopping it on my office desk and went upstairs, wanting to disturb and cuddle my piglet some more.

I sniggered as I dove back into bed, annoying the shit out of her as she kept smacking my back. Am I an intruder to her sleep, yes. Yes I am and I very damn proud of it.

"Next time, you're getting the door." I said, rolling her on her back. She smelt so nice, like pretty flowers.

"What if it's some big bad person trying to kidnap me and take me away from you?" She whined, pouting still with her eyes closed, her voice was so husky so laced with sleep and so incredibly sexy. Heh.

She places her hands on either side of my face, squishing my cheeks together. "You act like a wolf is going to come and eat you, or take you away from me and place you on a princess tower." I mumbled against her hand that was trying to push my face away.

"Let me sleep, you idiot."

"Fine fine. Fine fine fine."

I didn't really bother her for the next 3 hours because when I got up I immediately went into my den, doing some work for the business.

Even though I was half playing games on my computer, half doing work and half keeping an eye out for Prince strolling in and out of my office, my eyes darted to the brown box on the corner of my desk.

I dropped my controller on the desk and slid the cardboard rectangle over to myself, slicing it open with a letter opened and pulling the bubble wrap out.

Tampons, pink undies, a phone case, a toothbrush, dish cleaner, doggie clothes, random shit was inside it. Guess Fany had a blast doing online shopping for god damn groceries and household necessities. Didn't know it was her things because the box was for me, then I realized she probably ordered it from my account.

Welp, didn't expect her to fully rake advantage of me saying 'buy whatever you want, what's yours is mine anyways.'

It was true, to a certain extent because when we do get married, which we will, she'll have all of it.

My hand snooped around the box, kind of intrigued on the type of things Fany likes to buy. My hand dug up a shitly wrapped metal circle with a piece of crumpled paper wrapped around it.

I don't know if it's crossing lines to open it, but in my defense I'm just going to say that I was checking the box for harmful substances, like drugs, alcohol. A bomb, yes a bomb. Good excuse Taeng.

I peeled back the stuck on paper and it had nothing written on it. My curious hands opened the metal lid of the flat spherical pocket watch like structure and I got kind of confused.

This shit was as old as the fucking bread crumbs under my bed. I lied, older than little old me. Like, this shit was ancient, could be classified as antique.

A bronze like golden flattened sphere. I turned it over and my fingers grazed the etching that read, Amore. Had a nifty chain coming out of it too. It was some sort of pocket watch as I had guessed, but at the same time it wasn't.

It was shaped like one, but it was a compass pointing North and inside that compass embedded was a clock, a small clock face and on the side showed the date. 8/5. August 5th?

A hybrid compass, clock, calendar type of shit. It looked like it came out of a spy movie, or something I would use. Hell, I got a 3D map program on my phone and that's as high tech a it'll get in this century. But it was sketch because the metal was rusting, it's rickety and it looked so fragile to the touch.

Why did she have this, why did she even order it.

"Taetae." I heard a soft knock on my door. I shoved the watch back into the box and set it aside.

"What's keeping you out the door piggy, you know you can always come in without asking." It wasn't like I was jerking off the porn or doing something stupid like that. I got nothing to hide.

She opened the door slowly and peered in with a frown on her face. Interesting.

"Something wrong?" I asked.

She came in and closed the door behind her, blanket wrapped around her small self and she waddled to my way as I patted my lap.

Little piggy sat there, wrapping herself with the blankets as she leaned her forehead and pressed it against mine, still had an angry little frown / pout type of thing on her face.

"Where does it hurt baby? Who did this to you, who hurt you?" I said softly, fixing her bangs and kissing her questionable hot forehead.

"Everywhere, no one and no one." She replied, suddenly sneezing 3 times in my shoulder that made me cringe. She lifted her head back up and I'm pretty sure I scrunched up my face and looked pretty disgusted.

"Please don't die, oh my god." I mutter, still staring into tiresome eyes.

"I'm not dying you idiot, I just have a cold I think." She says, sniffling like no tomorrow. Man, she looked horrible.

"Hm. Do you want me to kiss it better, hug you better? Beat the living shit out of your white blood cells for failing to fight off those pesky germs?" I mumble against her neck and lay some lazy kisses there.

"Yes, yes, and yes you big science nerd." She giggles, still looking horrible and probably feeling twice as bad.

I placed my hand against her forehead, feeling it literally jolt up to a fiery hot degrees. It lowkey burnt. I sighed.

"You were fine this morning at like 8. What happened in the course of 4 hours?"

"I don't know!" She whined, pulling my hand away from her forehead. I leaned back in my chair, amused at how a sick Fany can be such a whiny Fany.

"Do you have chills baby girls? Aches?" She nodded like a little puppy. D'awh.

"Do you feel tired?" She nodded again, jutting her lips out and I kissed her there, not caring if I myself caught her flu. Love is the best medicine, apparently. So I got a lot to give.

"You probably have the flu piggy." I had a hand behind my head, another hand on her waist observing her straddling my lap looking so sick. Cute cute. She didn't really say anything except reply with a few sniffles and teary eyes.

"Welp, I don't know how to take care of a sick person so you're on your own buddy." I chuckled and she immediately hugged my torso, leaning into my neck. I instinctively wrapped my hand around her body and caressed the back of her head.

Instantly I felt like it was no joking matter. To care for her was my number one priority.

But jokes on me, I can't even take care of myself.

"Please hold me Taeyeon-ah." I hummed. Of course, such a simple request that I will do for eternity. I figured she fell asleep quickly and with her still in my hold I rolled over with my chair to the computer, typing in a few key words.

'How To Take Care Of A Sick Person' by wikiHow.

I love tutorials. Next up, I'll probably need a manual. Imagine if I had kids, my search history would probably be 'How To Dad.' I shivered at that thought.

I am so clearing my search history after this though. This is borderline embarrassing.

I eventually did some paperwork with the little bugger in my lap, sleeping away soundly, sniffling away periodically.

But when she did wake up to the discomfort of her aching cold I patted her head to sleep, meeting her rest on me like I was her portable mattress that I didn't have any protests to being.

Babying my piglet for all I am worth. I have come to the conclusion that I was whipped. Whipped like whipped cream.

I walked around the house like a mother carrying a baby in a baby sling. Kind of.

Surprisingly little piglet didn't wake up, baby sleeps like a rock.

Heh.

I had pizza for lunch, and kind of got crumbs on her as I ate. I swept those pesky combs off the top of her head and kissed her there, my little apology for being a slob. But a mothers gotta eat you know, carrying this big lump is hard.

She had a little cough and sniffle by the time she woke up, grabbing a hold of me and sticking onto me like glue. Like she has been for the past let's say, 6 hours?

I did nothing productive all day, all thanks to Fany.

I presented her a small pill and a glass of water to her and when she shook her head I was close to forcing it down her throat. Out of loving care of course.

"Eat, or die. Your choice Hwang."

"Die." She barely choked out. I sighed and pleaded with my eyes for her to just swallow it down.

After a few minutes of intense stare downs and more puppy faces she finally ate her damn medicine.

About fucking time.

I brought her up to the room, laying her there as I closed the curtains, plugged in her night light, turned on the humidifier and threw a bunch of blankets at her.

Couldn't forget monkey George as her sleeping companion either.

When all was said and done I couldn't even move 1 inch before she tugged the back of my shirt.

I turned around with a tired exaggerated loud sigh.

"Yes, love?"

"Stay. Cuddle me."

"I did that the entire day baby. I'm not even joking, you're literally my child now."

She turned around and hid herself underneath the blankets, probably pissed at me.

I went out anyways, buying chicken noodle soup from some vendor out at the marketplace because I can't cook for shit.

I recognized this place as my afterschool hangout place everyday after class because I always stole food here.

I sat on the table waiting for my order to be cooked. A crowd of familiar voices passed by me, I recognized them as my old classmates but I didn't really want to be seen with them so I just hid behind a bunch of signs.

The thought of my mischievous high school days were enough to make me gag. I was such a bad student, my mother would kill me if she found out.

"Toopy."

I turned around, squinting at the familiar voice. It startled me in a way, but it wasn't threatening to say the least.

I scanned the person from top to toe, finding her matured figure attractive. She looked really pretty, it's been years since I've last seen her and she truly does.

"Binoo." I said with a smile.

"Looks like someone remembered." Seolhyun smiled, sitting down beside me.

"Hey, you're back." We had a little hug and instantly high school memories flooded back in.

Well, we dated in high school for our senior years, on and off. We were partner in crimes, really. Always skipped class, stole a couple of things. Small things, nothing major. Funny thing was, we served detention together. We were like the badass Bonnie Clyde type of couple. It was ride and die, then we graduated and I guess we both changed. I didn't keep in touch, neither did she.

It was fun though, I gotta admit. Real fun. She was a pretty good lover. Listened to me well, was there for me when I had scuffles with the triad. Nothing too big, but she was okay.

How can I forget her name though, Seolhyun.

"How have you been? What are you up to now?"

"I'm great. I just finished University in Korea, flew here to start acting."

"You're gonna live here?"

"Yeah."

"What are you doing here at our hangout spot." She asked, playing with the disposable chopsticks.

"Mrs. Kwon makes good food and I needed some soup so here I am."

She laughed and I couldn't figure out why we acted so naturally towards each other. "Wanna get a cup of coffee or something? Catch up on times? Remember the fish cakes you would always steal from Mr. Chang? God, he hit you every time."

I shook my head. I didn't want to remember the beatings I got when I was a teen. Those fish cakes were so good though so I was worth every snack. "I can't right now, next time?"

"Yeah, sure. Here, give me your phone."

I handed it to her without a second thought. I wonder if I could rekindle with her, where the hell are my other classmates I grew up with? Right, I avoided them.

"There's my number. Don't call me in the middle of the night like you used to, dick."

"That was called a prank and you just couldn't take it." I stayed as a matter of fact. She looked like she wanted to kill me.

Well, the whole time we were dating she looked like she legit wanted to kill me.

"Taeyeon-ah, here's your order you punk." Mrs. Kwon shakes my little plastic bag, waiting for me to take it.

"Well, I gotta go. I have someone to take care of." I said, reaching out for my takeout container, giving money to Mrs. Kwon that she tried to make me take back. I insisted she took the extra 400, consider it a tip for dealing with my scrawny ass back in the day.

Seolhyun looked pretty shocked to say, she nodded her head in approval. "You're done fucking around? Who's the lucky girl? Or girls."

"My future wife. Goodnight Binoo. Careful around the marketplace, those mutant rats you hated still lurk around." I waved a small bye and she threw a pair of disposable chopsticks at me. Well, I guess she was still violent as before.

"Damn, goodnight Toopy." She replied, going back to her group of friends that called her over.

I drove back home, wanting to get back to sick piggy. I touched her hot forehead and frowned at the heat. I placed the soup on the nightstand, leaning down to kiss her awake.

"Baby, time to drink this potion I bought from a witch that'll cure you of your fucking disease." I mumbled, rubbing her head gently. She raised her hand and smacked me right in the nose. Ow.

"You're not mad at me still, are you? For not cuddling you an hour ago?" I asked, She hummed and turned away again. I turned her over forcibly and she frowned, frowning seems like her favourite thing to do lately.

I propped her up against the headboard, fixing her bangs as she kept sniffling. I popped open the lid for the soup and brought the spoon to her lips. Little one moved her head away, making my job so much harder than it should be.

"Drink all of this and I promise you I'll fold my own laundry for a week."

"Two weeks."

"Three?" She nodded and smiled tiredly.

I fed her a couple of spoonfuls of soup, and she took pretty long eating. But I didn''t mind, I felt nostalgic doing this.

I remember when I met her for the second time in my life, back in that ally. I took her home, and just like a stray kitty, I nurtured her back to health. I fed her oatmeal, I think. She took forever eating that too, but I didn't mind.

When she pushed my hand away I placed the soup back on the country. That was enough for today. I wiped her lips clean with a napkin and settled her back into bed, picking up George that was lying on the floor.

Her hand was on my back, and I quickly laid beside her, giving her the comfort she wanted.

"I'm going to be honest. I have no idea how to take care of a sick person so I'm just babying you at this point."

She hummed and curled up next to me, her arm resting over my stomach. "You're too hot." she said softly, fingers unbuttoning my shirt.

"Pervert." I muttered, getting up to take it off and lay back down. She smiled against my big ol belly, I felt it against my skin.

"Thank you, Taetae."

"Yeah yeah, go get better you're annoying." I muttered, trying to get some sleep after taking care of a fat baby. I'm just imagining fatherhood at this point. Dear god. Never mind about the 10 kids I want with her. Make it 20.

I'll be super dad.

"I love you." She said. It makes me melt every single time and I can not stress how badly she has me wrapped around her finger. Whipped, I am whipped like cream.

"Mhm, mhm. Love you too."

Even when she did get better, I wished she stayed sick. In a good way. She came back to be annoying, my favourite type of annoying. Then again I was glad she was healthy. But when she was sick she was quiet, and didn't annoy me as much. But as still annoying.

"Taetae!"

"What?!" I shouted, eyes still on the mountain of papers I didn't do. Procrastination at it's best. I ruffled my hair, head throbbing and staring at the dead trees on my desk.

Little Fany skipped into my office with eyesmiles. Whatever made her that happy can go die. Only I can make her happy like that.

She shows me the two plane tickets in her hand and I almost screamed, thinking it was another Disneyland trip. Turns out it wasn't. Was something worse.

"Daddy asked me to visit, and I want to go I want him to meet you because I haven't exactly told him about us yet and-" And I zoned bubbly happy Fany out.

I let the words daddy, visit, me, meet, him linger in my head. Then I pieced it together and freaked out in my mind. In my head I felt like there was a bunch of mini me's running around screaming murder, my entire brain was on fire and short circuiting.

God no, please not her dad. I didn't think there would be a day I'd meet her pops. It never even crossed my mind.

I came back to her attention when she pulled me out of my seat, leading me into the room to pack my bags. We leave tonight and I wanted to curl up and hide in a pile of dirt. I started to search around the internet for invisibility cloaks, a teleportation device, fuck I even searched up for plane tickets to anywhere but San Fransico. I wanted out like out out.

I made a ruckus in the airport, complaining, whining and clinging onto every pole as Fany dragged me along. I dreaded that hour and 30 minute flight to her hometown. I couldn't sit still, I couldn't stop kicking the seat infront of me and when the flight attendant announced we had arrived I died.

I was fidgeting in my seat, twiddling my thumbs and sweating profoundly. I kept tapping my foot repeatedly on the floor and leaned against the taxi's window.

My little blub slid the cover between us and the taxi driver, grabbing my hand and freeing it from the nervous breakdown I was having with my thumbs.

"What's wrong?" She asked softly, rubbing the back of my hand.

"I'm scared of your dad." I whispered. She let go and laughed, pinching my cheeks.

I swatted those pesky hands away. "Yah, Fany-ah." I whined.

She rubbed my clasped hands and patted my cheek amused by my borderline freakout. "My dads nice, he'll like you I think. I don't know, I was the youngest in the family and a total daddy's girl which meant he was also overprotective and stuff but I think you'll be okay."

"You think?!" I hissed, looking down at my clammy hands. Oh god.

She just laughed and shook her head but I grabbed her arm, getting her attention because I needed confirmation. "Let's say he doesn't like me? What then? He's going to like exile me to the fucking moon Fany-ah and let me clear it up here. I am an ass, I am not nice, and I am sure as hell not likeable." My foot increased it's tapping a ten fold. At this rate I'd be a professional tap dancer if I really wanted to.

"Can you shut up and relax? He'll like you, oh my god."

"No, you shut up. Look at me, Fany-ah. Look at me and tell me how I look. Did I under dress, overdress? Is my tie okay? Do I have anything on my face. Wait no, do you think he'll hate me?"

If looks can kill, I'd be dead.

"You're as handsome as ever baby." She cooed.

"You didn't answer like half my questions Fany-ah!"

"Awh, you're so stressed, it's cute." She said smiling like I was amusing to her.

I huffed and turned around, checking myself in the reflection of the window. "This is serious!"

"But I am serious!" She retorts back, holding my hand. She pulled away and made me turn my hands back, palms facing up. "Taebear's hands are so clammy. You're so nervous."

I am more than nervous. I'm anxious, stressed out and clearly not okay.

She then taps my glasses, lifting a brow in question. "Since when did you wear glasses?"

"I don't."

"Did you just play dress up for my dad?"

I slightly nodded. I guess.

"Awh, you're so cute." She cooes, nuzzling her nose into my neck. I felt her hand clasp mine despite it sweating a damn fountain. Her head rests on mine and I relax just a bit, not a lot but enough to not be as jittery.

We rounded off the area and went straight into a 'family-friendly' neighbourhood. You know, the ones you see in movies with the perfect families having 4 kids, and a golden retriever? That type of neighbourhood.

At the sight of those houses I guesses which one was hers. I literally freaked out in my seat because in a few moments I will be meeting the father. The father of Hwang Miyoung. who will either kill me, or really like me.

I've never done this before.

I mean, I knew we arrived when she squealed, unbuckling her seatbelt and pushing open the car's door. I glanced at her disappearing small back as she ran up those stairs into the arms of an older man who was waiting for her with open arms.

"Daddy!" She screamed, giggling so cutely. Ah.

They had a great big bear hug and I was left all alone in the taxi with the driver. I threw a big fat tip on the driver's lap and headed around the back, opening the trunk to fish out all our luggage that we mercilessly stuffed in the trunk.

I rolled our crap up to the front of the door and stood infront of her towering dad. He was tall, like super tall. Had a nice bed of hair, and wore some casual clothes. He was a normal asian dad, except he's a normal asian father of my piglet. Mr. Hwang truly scared the shit out of me.

"Hello, Mr. Hwang." I said in monotone and I even bowed infront of him. I felt like I was meeting the Pope, or the King. Oh god, even my hands were starting to get sweaty.

Mr. Hwang clearly frowned and he stepped infront of Fany, shielding her away from me like I was a bad guy. I wasn't, I swear I wasn't.

She walked away from her fathers back and clung onto my arm. "Daddy, meet Taeyeon. My best friend, bodyguard, teddy bear and boyfriend." She piped up so excitedly, so proudly.

I wish she never speak so highly of me, or even praised me. Or made me sound that good, because I wasn't

Gah. I laughed nervously and started tracing circles with my foot on the ground. I heard him huff but never did I look up.

"Dad?" She said, and I fidget in her hold. Jesus.

"Let's go in." His hoarse mumble paired with the deepest voice I ever hood shook me to the core. I'm spooked. He started to grab our luggage but I rushed over, mumbling a 'let me' before taking it away from his hands and leaving him stunned in his spot.

I hurried myself into the house, wanting to get away from him and everything in the world fast.

At least Fany kind of knew what was up because she took me around her neighbourhood in relief of the house. What a damn breather.

We first started off with her room, which was filled with pink. I almost died. I got pretty jealous at the Joe Jonas, Justin Timberlake etc. posters on her wall. She refused to take them down and I was like the only person she needed to hang a poster was a poster of me.

Then, we I had enough of the blistering colour she dragged em outside and we walked around the neighbourhood, stealing puppies, other people's mails, trampling along her neighbors flowers. Just kidding, I'd be slaughtered if I did that.

We held our pretty little hands, walking along the sidewalk with my head held up high, proud that she came back here to her childhood place with me. Eventually we walked right into he fields of her old high school.

Wasn't anything special, an old water damaged red bricked school with it's roof about to collapse. But what did exist was a small little playground. Fany ran towards it, ran-skipped there. I had my hands i my pocket, still frowning at the thought of her father.

I don't think he particularly likes me.

She sat on the swing not moving, looking at her phone and that defeats the whole purpose of a swing. So I placed a gentle hand on her back,not wanting her to scream and call me a predator. I pushed her gently, pushing her forward every time she came back to me.

I heard her little giggle and she swung her legs, turning her head back to face me every once in awhile to check if I was there. I wanted to bolt as a joke, but I didn't feel like joking with her, not when I wasn't as happy as I should be.

"Hold on, I might push you off accidently and you could break your nose and something and your father would chase me down the streets with a machete." Please hold onto the swings Fany. I mean it.

"Dad is nice, but apparently you don't think so."

"I don't think he likes me Fany-ah."

"Give it time, I don't see a reason why he would hate you?"

"Hm." I loved feeling her back, seeing her hair in the air, or seeing her trying to hold down her dress every time she went up in the air. Cute cute.

We went around walking, just me and her still holding our hands. I liked that, we were starting to act like a normal couple. Aside form the fact that underneath my CEO persona, I am a member of the Triad, a red pole leader once again. Jesus. But right now my world only involved her, and I was fine with that. She had an immense power, capable of absolute destruction but I trusted her.

We even got icecream and sat on a nearby park bench. This is what I wanted to do for so long, this stupid shit. Only because the last time I remember icecream, or sitting beside the one I loved was when she did the same exact thing with Cheolwoo. He's no threat, but to me it lowkey ruined a lot of things for me.

I wonder now, that she's beside me if this is a special moment for her as it is for me? Does she think that what we're doing now was any different from her past lovers. Is this particular time right now, something she'll remember or will she forget it moments later?

For me, this was everything.

Nonetheless I turned my head and saw her licking her icecream so cutely. She swung her legs because they were too short to reach the ground and I thought it was so adorable. I needed to savour this moment.

She was so adorable that I couldn't help but mash her face into the icecream. She got so mad at me but I got a few chuckles out of it so it was worth it. "Taetae." She whined, pulling on my pants.

She looked like a hot mess, a fucking snack if I say so myself. I licked my lips and leaned in but she placed two fingers on my lips, avoiding my advances. Why must you do this to me.

"One, we're in public so keep your PDA to the minimum. Two, this is a tragedy of me and my icecream. Third, you're not funny."

"I'll clean you up though."

"Perve-" I cut her off and kissed her lips, tasting that strawberry cream as I did kiss her. Her hand kept pushing on my chest, want me to pull away but I couldn't'. I love icecream and I love her.

I felt her pull on my ear and then I felt something just release out of my hand. I turned around and saw my own icecream cone flat on the ground. Tragic, so tragic.

My jaw dropped, my eyes gawked and I knelt beside it on the floor worshipping it, mourning it and wanting to cry. "Fany! Look what you did to my fucking icecream!"

She glared at me and even when she started to walk home I stayed in my spot, singing some funeral song for it. She finally got fed up and fetched me 10 minutes later as I kept singing loudly, throwing flower petals around the melting treat.

"You're so extra stop it. Embarrassing." She hissed.

I opened my mouth and started belting a note. "In the arms of the angel, fly awa-" She cups my mouth and sighs.

I think I won though, because she bought me another cone and she had a frown on her face as she held my hand, guiding me through the thick forest to go home. My hand clamped with hers tightly and I dared myself to ask to know more about her father.

She looked at me longingly, almost like she felt sorry for me. But for what? She told me so much about him, a lot of things actually. He was a fisherman, always out of town for a couple of weeks to be by the ocean doing his job. He liked to go boating, be by the sea, fish of course and walk on the beach. That resonated with me. Guess we have something in common. He came to the US to better his life for his family. Right, the guy was a family man. What did I expect though, his wife passed away and he had to take care of 3 children. I admire him for that. He stayed as a father. He was a father, and he still is one.

Unlike mine.

We went back just in time for dinner. I passed by a mirror, taking a deep breath and making sure I look presentable at least. Was still a little nervous but the walk with her helped. Lucky for me I got to sit beside Fany while her father sat beside us.

I kept poking at my food, having no appetite but I didn't want to be rude and say I wasn't hungry. If the clinking of spoons and forks on the dinner plate wasn't annoying enough, it was accompanied by nothing but silence.

I was brave enough to lift my heavy head up slightly. Only wanting it to sink down into my plate of mashed potatoes because the guy was staring at me all this time. I coughed and nudged Fany's shoulder.

"So, how did you two meet." I didn't know if I was supposed to answer but Fany answered for me so I was counting on her half the time.

"A party that Sooyoung dragged me to."

"What do you do for a living." He asked me, fork placed onto the dinner plate.

"I own a business."

He scoffed.

"How old are you? How many relationships have you had? What university did you graduate from? " He unloaded all of that to me in one sentence and I sat there confused. In a way I felt intimidated, and a little pissed off.

"I'm 28 years old, I've had-"

"Dad." Fany said seriously, putting a hand on his dads arm. He crosses his arms and we had a stare down and I clenched my jaw. Why does he feel obligated to ask me so many fucking questions.

"How did you grow up as a child? Do you have a criminal record? Have you ever hit a girl?" Mr. Hwang continued and I shook my head. What kind of fucking questions were those.

I glanced down, not knowing what to do or say, instead nudging Fany's leg with mine to get her to do something for me.

"Do you love her?"

"Yes. Very much." I answered back with no hesitation.

"Cut the crap Taeyeon, I know who you are." He say, slamming down his hand on the table which made the plates clank and shake on it.

"Do you?" I dared myself to ask.

He looked like he was going to burst into flames and fucking hit me with a fireball. I was too pissed beyond to care what he could've done to me.

"Stay away from my daughter. You look like you're going to get her killed." Every bit of that statement was so fucking try and that pissed me off. I got out of m seat and gave him a little bow, out of respect of course and started to walk past him and into the next room.

He lunged out of his seat and looked like was going to grab me but he missed me by an inch, Fany stepped infront of him and stopped him. I heard her yell at him and he shouted at her back, but I didn't have the heart to stay.

But when I heard Fany say my name, I leaned against the wall and listened in, head hung low as I wiped my hand on my pants, wanting to dry the sweaty ones.

"Dad! Why would you say that to him!"

"You know exactly why. Break up with him, come back home and live with me."

"Wait, what Dad? No, I'm old enough to make my own decisions, please don't say that stuff to me, especially not about Taeyeon?"

"I'm not risking it not again. You almost died, you almost left your old man Miyoungie."

"He's not like him, if that's what you're implying." Nothing like Nichkhun, or Nick. Whatever his ass name was. In so many ways I kind of was like him, but at the same time I'd like to think I wasn't.

"No I don't want to hear it. This isn't up for discussion Miyoung I don't want to see you hurt again!" He practically roars and I shut my eyes, it pierced my ears too and him not approving me, or us hurt.

"No, listen to me." She demanded, and he stopped. "There was one thing you couldn't help me with, and that was making me sleep throughout the night undisturbed. Do you remember Dad? Those nights where I couldn't sleep, waking up in the middle of night screaming and crying my eyes out? You couldn't stop it, not even medications but Tae did. He slept beside me, he stopped it. He did that, he did something you couldn't." She said in a softer tone and I didn't want to hear it, don't praise me. Don't make me seem like a good guy.

Whatever happened next I didn't hear, I left through the main door and took a stroll. I memorized the neighborhood in one go, opting to go by that icecream shop in the corner 15 minutes away because well, they say icecream makes everything better. But I didn't end up going there. I turned around,making a pit stop to the lagoon by their house.

I didn't want to stray too far. I didn't want to hear them arguing. I didn't want to be the reason why I was kind of tearing them apart. Made me a little upset.

My peacefulness was short lived. Angry father stomping my way and he got bigger and bigger as he came closer. I sat still in the sand, not knowing what to expect.

What I didn't expect was a nice punch in the face by him. God that hurt. My right eye was throbbing and I could feel it twitch and form a nice mass of broken blood tissues start to break underneath my skin, bruises.

I laid there flat on the sand cupping my eye, feeling the grainy particles surround my head.

He grabbed me by the collar and sat me up, pointing at me and saying a bunch of things that I couldn't decipher.

"Don't you step an inch closer to my little girl! She has been through enough abuse and for you to come in and have the hopes of marrying her, you just have the nerve don't you?!" I stared at him, furrowing my brows. I didn't understand, what makes me so bad?

"Answer me! Have you seen what happened after she ran away heartbroken from the man that tormented her!? She cried every single day, she didn't eat, she didn't sleep. All she did was cry and cry! I couldn't bear to see my own daughter devastated over a break up, and for her to cry about someone who abused her, used her, and treat her like shit made it worse!" He hollered and I felt like cowering somewhere far away. He made me upset, pissed off and a fuck ton of angry. He looked like my father, standing above me like he beaten me, he sounded like him every time he yelled at me with that hoarse deep voice. But he's the father of my significant other.

What he said though, came out a little more intense than it should be. I knew what happened with Nichkhun. The things that he did to her, but I didn't really know how she felt or reacted afterwards. She never did tell me, I just assume she cried a lot or something and I knew it must've been really bad because of how she used to hate being touched, refuse to be near someone or even look at someone in their eyes.

"Sometimes, I'd come and visit and I'd see Nick being the happy caring guy he is. I thought everything was fine and dandy, but behind those closed doors, was months of despicable behavior. One time her hand was broken because he twisted it so hard, she told me she tripped and fell at work. Her eye would be black and bruised, she'd tell me some guy jumped her when it was really Nick. She's be locked up in rooms, starved and beaten at. She had scars, scratches, and bandages all over her body, she's tell me she'll be alright when it wasn't. She wasn't okay, and all those things that happened to her as because of Nick. And I was so blind to see it, but not this time Taeyeon. Not this time." He grumbled, hands still on the collars of my shirt.

My own fists grabbed a bunch of sand, squeezing it in my palm only to have it seep out of the side slowly. He thinks I'm like Nick, he thinks I'm going to treat her like shit and eventually leave her to the dust. That's the reason why he's so fucking against us. I gritted my teeth, fearing that I'll eventually grind down so much I'll hurt myself.

"She was broken, broken to bits. And I couldn't do anything in my power to stop it as her father. She only has me left, and I'll do anything to keep her away from assholes like you! I'll do the right thing to protect her because I failed the first time! I'll put myself in front anytime for her, and I'll prove to her I'm a father that is capable of protecting his daughter." He trailed off, slight tears in his eyes but he quickly turned them back into anger.

It's not fair. He can't just do that to me, take out all his anger out on me, judge me and assume things based on whatever happened in the past. I'm not going to be his guinea pig just to prove himself worthy. That's so unfair, leave me be. Let me have her, don't break us apart because of that.

When he let go of my shirt and I stumbled back a bit, he walked away. Just like that, he gave me some sort of a poor excuse of a warning and walked away. I held my head up high despite the throbbing of my eye and cleared my throat. "Mr. Hwang." I said firmly, loud enough for him to stop his two feet in the sand and turned around.

"You can't do that. You can't say those things to me because I'm not the son-in-law you almost had. I'm not him, and he's not me. Were widely different, but you can't say we're the same. That I'll treat your daughter like he did. I won't, I can never do that Mr. Hwang. Not to Stephanie, not after what she's been through." I said, breathing out to calm my chaotic self.

"I promised myself, and I'll make this promise to you. I will take care of her, protect her from people like her ex, make sure her well being is looked after and assure that she is happy. But if you're asking me to leave her, then I can't. I won't. So I apologize for not giving into your wish, but I can't respect it, nor can I grant it." I stand firm, making my point. I can't leave her, even if he forced us away.

"Life is pretty unfair. You would know." He grumbled, hands clutching a glass bottle.

"I would know. I admire you though, standing up for your daughter and whatnot. Respectable, I must say." I said truthfully. Maybe it came off too cold because he clenched his fists, jaw tightly clamped.

Who would've known though, he smashed that glass bottle right over on my head, obliterating it into pieces too small to handle. I stood there like an iron door and took it. I took it with such pride that I didn't even flinch.

I heard Fany. She ran, ran so fast to me, grabbing her dad and pulling at him to stop. I couldn't hear anything but her pleads for him. She did everything to stop him for beating me up to a pulp and I smiled, despite having the liquid in that bottle drip from the sides of my head.

Fany.

He finally walks away, but without taking her with him but she fought back, struggling against his hold to break free and run to me. A bit of me popped at the sight. I felt, important?

At the same time I didn't want to tear them apart. Absolutely not, I still want her to keep in touch with her father, unlike me.

With her soft hands cupping my cheek she had a soft sigh. "Taeyeon-ah. Please say something." She whispers, lifting my head up just to see the mess of scars, blood and purple bruising.

"I'm okay." She frowned, looking like she wanted to hit me for saying that. She brushes her thumb over my freshly cut wound and I winced at my touch, slowly pulling back. The blood just doesn't stop flowing out but she couldn't stop looking at it, touching it.

Her lips quiver and she pulls me down slightly to bend down to her height, kissing the crown of my head.

"No you're not okay, stop pretending that you are and let's go home." She says, grabbing my hand and holding it tightly, pulling me along the sand to her room.

I didn't think I would be sitting in between her legs, having her patch me up. But I was, and the atmosphere felt warm, safe.

"Does it hurt?" She asks dabbing my cuts with the cotton ball. I nod and pull away, the disinfectant stinging a bit too much. All the while I kept my eyes on the floor, not looking at her.

"Taeyeon-ah?"

"Hm?"

She cups her hands on my cheeks, I felt the warmth of her palm feel the coldness of my face. Her supple hands lifted my chin up once again but I didn't want her to see me at this state, because I had tears in my eyes for once. Little tears.

"Oh Tae." She sighed, tender eyes looking at me apologetically.

"I don't know what to say to you, other than that I love you and I don't plan on leaving you despite my fathers request. I won't listen to him and I'll disobey him for the first time." She combs my hair with her hands and rub the shell of my ear like its the only thing that'll calm me down. I sighs and relaxed slightly in her hands but my head is still down like an anchor to the floor.

"This trip was a disaster and I'm sorry for that honey." She continues, rubbing my thigh to gently coax me. But I wasn't upset about the trip, no not at all.

I lay on her bed, facing away from hr and she rubbed my back. I felt like poop honestly.

"He doesn't like me does he." I mumbled. I know the answer to it but I just want her to tell me. Her hand smoothened out some of the hairs that managed to stick out.

"Not really. But with time he'll come around."

"Sure, like that'll happen." I scoffed, smothering my face into her pillow.

"Hm, Taetae. How's your bruises?" She asks, reaching over to turn the light off. I stare at the faint outline of her face as the little light lamp barely gave enough light to see her.

"You should kiss it better." I said with a grumble, clutching the pillow in my hand.

She nods and smiles, pushing herself so that she's at eye level with me. She grazes my cheek with her thumb and props herself up.

She kissed me, starting from the top of my head to the side of my right eye where my big black bruised mass was. Her lips curve upwards slightly, before kissing down to the top of my nose which I wriggled in response. It tickled. She laughs a good one, leaning down to brush it against mine and kiss my cheek. Her nimble fingers run along my small bandaid and suppressed a kiss on it too.

The only thing that wasn't hurt was my lips, and I guess she knew that because she wouldn't stop kissing me there, cupping my cheek as she did.

My smile wanted to form, I wanted to say something. But she didn't let me, her soft kisses made me just relax and stop.

"All better?" She says, pulling away to tug my bandaid straight.

"All better." I said.

At times like this I don't know if I deserve her, if I'm right for her or if her fathers absolutely right and that I should stay away from her.

She's so good to me.

"I need to shower. I feel sand in my ass crack." I grumble and gets off the bed leaving little Fany on the bed.

I turned on the shower, hurriedly scrubbing myself clean and washing my hair. I took care to not ruin the bandages she set for me. I spent too much time in here I thought, so I got out, wrapping myself with a towel and opening the bathroom door.

Ah, piglet was almost falling asleep. I guess I wasn't watching where I was going because I walked into that bathroom door frame. I rubbed my head, squinting at the low fixture and saw her sit up and giggle. I had a big frown because this was another bruise added to the ever growing list of injuries today.

"Did you run into the door frame?"

"Yeah, fuck this room is so small. Why do you have to be so short." I smacked the door frame in anger. I had to signal my dominance. She giggled and gestures with her hand to come to bed, she straddled my hips and took the extra towel in my hand and started to dry my hair.

"So handsome." She whispered into my ear as she kissed that forming bump on my head. I hissed at the pain and she rubs my ear to get me to stop reaching up for my bruises which was pretty damn effective.

"Why do you smell like flowers, specifically lavender." She asked, wiping my chest down with the towel. My hands had it's mind of their own and rubbed her waist. Heh.

"I used your body wash, and your shampoo." I simply replied, sniffling my arms. I do smell good, a little feminine but that's good.

"Why, that's weird. You smell like me, you smell girly and it's weird."

"Overall I smell pretty." I said proudly.

She scoffs. "I think the thing I'm severely attracted of you is definitely your jawline, and maybe your big fat dumbo ears but definitely your jaw. You're handsome Tae." She moaned into my ear and I felt myself tighten. I was clutching the towel and that's the only thing that is covering the bottom half of me and I guess she got on because she had some sort of mischievous giggle.

"Stop teasing me, you really think we're going to do it here in your room? The room you grew up in with your dad practically right beside us? He'll chop off my dick and feed it to the ducks if he finds out what we're doing." I hissed, but made no move to push her off.

"Taebear." She purred.

"Look, the Joe Jonas poster hanging on the wall staring at me isn't helping me either. I feel like I'm being watched by your childhood celebrity crush."

"Well he was hot back in the day." She defended. I kept staring at it, like an extra pair of eyes watching my every move.

"Taeyeon-ah, you know I won't let anything happen to your package down there. What will I ever do without it hm?" My jaw dropped and I've never been so shocked before. Paired with that, she pulls the towel away from me and I freaked out, trying to hastily cover up my growing appendage.

"Excited now, aren't we baby?" She muttered as she tossed the towel in some corner of the room. All eyes were on her now, I was so distracted.

"Fany-ah! You can't just do that and shut the fuck up you never say those things. You're so dirty today what the hell, oh my god stop." I got up to put on clothes which she found were unnecessary but somehow she successfully got me to take off my shirt again with many complaints from me. I hurriedly rushed back to her, resting my head on her shoulder and she rubs the back of my neck, only to put pressure on it and it hurt. I guess she found another fresh wound.

"He really went to town with you. You have one here baby." I nod and nestled myself deeper into the crook of her neck as she traced the outline of the cut on my neck with her gentle finger.

"Its going to be okay, I'll be the one to make sure of that Taeyeon-ah." She kisses the side of my head as she brought me to lay down with her.

Only three minutes in and I couldn't stop moving around on her bed.

"Your leg is literally jabbing my stomach, if it's not there then it's jabbing my dick."

"The bed is too small, sorry." She whines resting her head on my chest.

"But then again, we can fit on a small bed anyways. We literally share a pillow when we sleep and you always lay on me so, a big bed doesn't really do us justice. I like to think we're a really cute couple." I shrugs before doing a bear bear yawn. I was tired, getting beaten at wasn't exactly not tiring.

She went to go turn the light off and locked the door. I sat up as in the darkness I saw her figure crawl towards me on the bed, hips swaying seductively. I backed away and was confused as hell.

"F-Fany-ah, as much as I wanna do the hanky panky you know your fathers in the other room and I am not, I repeat not dying in a pink room." I whispered harshly and tackled her on the bed, keeping my weight on her. She smacked my head and I winced at the pain. I think she forgot that I had a forming bump from running into her door frame.

We both smile as she kisses my cheek and palms my jaw.

"I just want to make it up to you. What do you say big man? Hm?"

I shook my head but her frown changed that. I nodded, feeling her push me flat down on the bed and crawl over me, hands roaming around my body before cupping my flaccid bulge in her palm, giving it squeezes.

"Your dads room is right beside us Fany-ah." I groaned, her hand squeezing my hardening member.

"Mhm, yeah?"

"He'll hear."

"Then don't let him hear." She purred, her fingers digging underneath my waist and and touching my skin. Her fingertips gently grazing my length and my flaccid dick bounced up slightly in response.

Damn it.

"You're so big." She purred, licking the side of my neck as she wrapped her soft petite hand over my cock.

"Fany-ah, your dad." I groaned when she squeezes my dick and strokes it gently, jerking me off at a painfully slow rate.

"Shh, baby." She murmured, sliding her tongue in my mouth to get me to shut up. I couldn't keep my mind off her slender fingers picking up its pace to tug at my fully erected cock.

Her thumb circled my head, sliding along my slit that had just beaded with precum and if that wasn't enough she brought her thumb up to her lips and sucked it clean, right infront of me, giving me a nice show.

"You fucking dirty." I hissed. She only smirked and had her palm touch my hot cock again, only this time stroking me frantically and much harder.

I held her hand and she glanced up, and as if she knew what I was asking she soon disappeared underneath the covers, soft mouth on the tip of my dick sucking softly.

I groaned and clutched the headboard tightly, my hands weaving into her soft hair, encouraging to take my dick further in her mouth. Like a fucking champ she did, sliding down to the base of my cock surprisingly till she pulled back up, my cock glistening with salvia from her warm wet mouth.

"So good, fuck you're so good." She hummed with the tip of my cock in her mouth, she sucked lightly and darted her eyes at the door. I couldn't forget to keep my voice down. My voice was dripping with lust and her pretty face made it hard to not just fuck her right there.

I urged her to take my cock in her mouth again, the flat of her tongue running along the length of my shaft, thrusting up as she sucked me off with more pressure than before, blood feeling like it rushed in the area even more.

She pulled away, stroking me with her free hand while catching her breath, looking at me like a prey and I've never felt so damn turned on in my life.

I sat up, starling her as I flipped our position. I hovered above her and pumped my length, feeling her saliva all over my palm.

I had one hand on her hip, giving her a light squeeze and her slender smooth legs started to wrap around my waist. I gulped the sight of her looking so god damn good, laying there with her hair sprawled out, one of her nightgown straps falling off her shoulder, her panting and eyes looking so lustful, just waiting for me to devour her.

"Taeyeon, I want you inside of me." She purred, one of her perfect legs rubbing the side of my body and I couldn't just deny her request.

If it was possible I felt like my dick just got even harder. I licked my lips and kissed her waiting ones, getting pleasure from just that too.

Her hand ran down from my shoulder to the front of my abs and onto my warmth, stroking me as we kissed breathlessly.

"Fuck, baby." I mumbled, glancing down to see her rubbing herself with the tip of my dick.

I grabbed it myself, running the head along her slick slot, bumping into her engorged clit every now and then, hearing her whimper and gasp.

I dipped my head into her entrance, feeling her muscles clench around it and wanting to pull me in so desperately but I pulled out, teasing her jus to see that frustrated sexual look on her face.

"T-Taeyeon, please don't tease me."

"Hm, I could never do that to you baby."

I repositioned my cock into her entrance, pushing in past her walls that hugged my length so well, so hotly and so damn snug.

I moved my hips forward filling her up as I felt her nails start to rake against my back, her mouth on my shoulder nibbling on it to suppress any moans.

I looked down at our joined parts, seeing how t cock disappeared into her cunt and then reappeared when I pulled out in absolute wetness made me twitch. I wanted to fuck her harder, faster, make her yell out my name so the damn neighbourhood can hear that only I can make her like this, only me.

My cock dragged along her wet walls, and she clenched in response, mouth ajar letting out soft moans for me, saying my name barely and I snapped my hips in, causing her to arch her back and slam her arm on my chest.

Just when I was having my fun there was a loud knock on the door and I froze, gulping down the lump in my throat as I stared at the door knob being turned.

"Miyoung? Are you awake?" Her father asked at the other side of the door.

My heart was racing, my dick was still buried deep inside my baby girl.

"Dad?" She said softly, voice out of breath but at the same time sounded like she just woke up.

"Oh, you were asleep? I thought I heard some sounds coming from your room."

"No, the window is open, I'll close it." She says huskily, biting her lip as she started to move her hips to impale me further into her.

My eyes darted out of my eye sockets, the wetness coating my cock even further as her pussy lips wrapped around my dick nicely. She kept moving herself onto me and I couldn't focus on whatever they were saying.

"Do you need me to come in? I know you're too short to reach it."

"No, I have Taeyeon to do it for me." She said with a smirk, squeezing her walls in and making my dick feel like it was going to pop.

My hands balled up the sheets of her bed, desperately stopping myself from just fucking her silly.

But her father was literally right outside my door, if he opened it he would see me deep inside her fucking daughter.

He'd kill me, he'd beat the shit out of me but the thought of it thrilled me as I felt so damn dirty.

"Mm, okay." He replied. And then the doorknob returned to its original position, no longer being tried to turned.

Coast is clear, but the hot mess on my hips didn't seem to go away.

Lust, I had it bad. I grabbed her hips and started to mercilessly pound her cunt, our wet juices making a mess between our hips and the sound of skin slapping sounded louder than usual.

"Taeyeon fuck, I-I-"

"Say it, I wanna hear you fucking say it." I growled.

"You're a horny little one Taetae. Fucking me infront of my dad like that?" Her seductive husky voice made me twitch, pound into her harder and faster than before.

"Yeah?"

"Mm, baby you know he'd kill you if he saw. You like that don't you? Fucking me in front of my family?" She said, her tits bouncing in force with each thrust I managed to pull.

Her fingertips trailed along my chest, distracting me from her dirty words.

"Fuck me like you mean it. I want my dad to know you're the only man who can make me cum for you, the one I can't leave because your cock makes me scream." She mutters, eyes locking into mine and I lost it.

"You're so fucking dirty, so fucking good." I blurted, my sweat trickling down the side of my head. My breath was rapid, my chest practically heaving.

I dipped my two fingers into her cunt, pumping into her along with my cock. She shook her head, hand on my fingers pulling them out to taste herself, sucking on my fingers to get them wet as fuck as she guided them down and placed it on her clit.

I rubbed her, playing with her bundle of nerves that got her jerking arching her back for me. She squirmed and her moans got louder and louder. I snapped my hips the hardest, desperate to hear my names come out of her lips, driving in so deep she stiffened and clenched on me the hardest with a silent scream.

If that wasn't enough I felt her bite on my shoulder, nails piercing my skin and still dragging them down my back relentlessly. I groaned at the pain, my cock still impaling her and her throbbing spasm cunt that enveloped my dick.

Her inner muscles felt like it was sucking me in, grabbing my cock and not wanting to let go because I soon felt her wetness come out in a wave, wetting her thighs and mine.

"Mine, you're fucking mine and no one else's." I growled.

It felt too good, too much and the sensation built up in a course of a few seconds. I grunted as I felt myself also stiffen, holding onto the side of her head and pressing it against my shoulder as I came inside her, cum splashing thick ropes in her hot cavern.

"Mm, fuck Taeyeon." She groaned, hand rubbing my abs as usual to coax me from my climax. Her walls periodically squeezed my cock, milking me of my cum.

I laid on her, breathless and fucked out of it. I sat up, brushing my hair back as I slowly pulled out of our glistening mess. I came too much, so much that some started to seep out of her pussy lips.

Her soft whimper and shudder almost made me not, but I wanted to see it.

Our cum was mixed together, our thighs soaked in it and I glanced at the contracting cunt that dripped translucent liquid onto the bed, making a dark looking stain on the bed.

I pulled out my cock, watching as her gaping hole clenched and twitch at the loss of my length.

My white thick arousal trickled out of her entrance, and damn it looked so good. Her cunt started to push some of it out forcibly and it added to the pooling wet mess we made on the bed.

"Byun." She muttered, eyes staring at mine as I kept switching between looking at her and her cunt.

"Sorry." I apologized, laying my sweaty body on hers, feeling her hand trace nice soothing circles on my back.

"Baby, your excitement is hard to miss." She whispered in my ear and I groaned.

"Your fault for being too sexy." I mumbled. Sighing as I wanted to just sleep.

"Tired already? Whatever happened to playboy, fuckboy Taeyeon?" She teased, giggling.

"I-I can't last long when you're too hot. Leave me alone." I said, kissing her cheek, caressing her ass in the process.

"Can't believe we just, did that." I mumbled, hand still being a lil pervert.

"Mm, I wonder what other fantasies you have." She purred, licking my ear and this was clearly not the time for me to tell her my kinks.

I rolled off her and was going to turn off the little lamp but she pulled at my arm. "Hm, I don't want to sleep on the bed Tae."

"Why not." I asked, findings her weird.

"It's dirty. . ." She trailed off, darting her eyes at the bed and I realized the wet spot. Right right.

I laughed so hard, loud that her father came knocking on the door again.

Fany cupped my mouth with her palm, telling me to 'shh.' "Sorry, Taeyeon likes to talk and laugh in his sleep." She said with a giggle.

Fuck, now he's going to think I'm weird as hell.

She successfully shooed him away he second time and I threw a pillow on my air mattress that her dad insisted I sleep on.

I don't get it, I'm pressing 30, his daughter is 26 and he still wanted me to sleep on the floor scared that I'll do the sexy times with her.

Which I did, mind him.

I gathered her up in my arms and put on my shirt for her, only because it looked so hair rippingly hot.

I laid my pretty lady on the mattress on the floor and pulled the covers over us.

I settle in comfortable and she wrapped her body on mine, kissing my cheek and even though the lights were so dim she had a bright smile.

"Why are you looking at me like that hm?" I said, finding it weird when she kept staring at me like I was made of gold.

"I like you." She stated seriously.

"Well, call me Romeo but I happen to love you, not like. Love." I cooed, snuggling close to piglet.

"Oh shut up, go to sleep before dad comes knocking on the door again."

"You wouldn't let him scratch me." I muttered.

"You have a black eye." She murmured, touching it and I had t back away from her fingers because she kept poking if.

It kind of hurt.

I hummed, leaning into her feeling her arms wrap around my neck. "We'll be okay, I promise I'll stay." She whispered. I kissed her in response, maybe a little too long because she pulled away and shook her head. I like her, and she's kissable and or tasty.

But shit. My heart popped once again, those are some of the words I loved to hear.

"Night Taetae."

I hummed, hands holding my piglet close possessively. Not wanting anything to take her away from me.

It'll be like taking a part of me, kind of.


	25. Understand Me

**Stephanie Hwang**

I rubbed Taetae's little scar on his chest with my thumb, snuggling close to it still panting slightly.

"You think your dad heard us?"

"I don't think so. Even if he did you'd be slaughtered by now."

He clicked his tongue and had a distressed face going on. "He doesn't scare me enough to not keep my dick in my pants." He said so seriously. I laughed, cuddling close to him, hearing his rapid thumping heartbeat.

He reached over me to turn then lamp off, wrapping the blankets around us tighter. I felt a lone hand around my shoulder, caressing me enough till I felt like going to sleep.

"What did he say to you, when he hit you?" I mumbled, nibbling on his collar bone.

"Nothing really, just the stuff he said to you. But, don't get mad at him. He's your father, and he's just doing what a father figure usually does. I envy you, i really do. I wished he was my father." He trailed off, sounding a bit too sad for my liking.

"You wouldn't want Papa Hwang as your father, he's scary. But also a gentle giant at the same time. But no really, he's scary."

"I want your Papa Hwang as my father. I didn't have one. I don't remember what my father looked like. I wish my father cared for me like he did with you Fany-ah, so don't resent him. He's just doing his job. He cares." He said, running his hand through my hair. I felt him kiss my forehead and that was the end of that. We just slept, without a word being said just because today was eventful enough.

I really wanted to know what they said between each other. A part of me was just hoping my dad didn't scare him off. Honestly, I also didn't think he'd lash out on Tae like this either. I thought he'd be accepting, but I was so wrong. Oops.

It was only couple of hours ago we were once asleep, but Tae woke me up wanting some love. So here we are now, after a couple of rounds I've never been so tired in my life. His sex drive was no joke.

I woke up extra warm this morning though. I felt my chest drenched in sweat and my arms a bit sticky. The man resting on my chest head was hot and his hair was damp from the sweat.

"Taeyeon-ah, why are you sweating so much lately, it's not even that hot outside." I nudge him to get him off me but he doesn't even move and inch.

"Taetae." I push his head up and I feel the intense heat radiating off him. I slapped my hand on his forehead a little too hard, making him wince and groan. His head felt like it was going to explode, hot like a nuclear warhead about to detonate from the sky, hot like Satan.

I gasped, slapping him on the shoulder. "Wait, Taeyeon you're sick!" He groans and rolls off of me, plopping his head down on a pillow.

His entire shirt was sticking to his back and he couldn't stop sneezing.

"Stop. Sneezing. You. Idiot." Every word I said was backed up by his sneeze and I don't understand why men sneeze so loud. It's loud enough to cause a mini earthquake and it pierced through my ear like 90% of the time.

I step out of the room to fetch him some Tylenol, a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a blanket or something.

I bumped into dad on my way down, yelping as he looked at me questionably with my 'emergency-Taeyeon-care-package' in my arms. "Hi dad, bye dad." I said quickly. He wasn't too impressed but whatever.

As soon as I step into the room, the big guy was wrapped in blankets like a huge boulder on the bed. He had tissues discarded all over the floor, and his shirt was on the ground.

I wonder if he felt like this a while ago. When I was sick, I was so needy, so whiny and an absolute attention seeker.

"I wasn't even gone for like a minute."

I fill a bucket of water from the bathroom and set it near the foot of my bed. I dip the towel in the water, wringing it out and bringing it to Taeyeon's face.

He slept so angrily, and I wiped his face creasing out that angry expression. He kept swatting my hand away, grumbling angrily. "Stop it, let me wipe you clean."

From his neck, to his chest and to his arms were droplets of water left by the cloth. Every stroke I made on him he shivered in his spot and held onto my hand. Clingy, cute.

I bring the covers up to his chest and tuck him to bed. He sighs in content and falls asleep quickly.

The rooms quietness was always too much for me, I wish he got better so he could fill it with his annoying voice.

A couple of hours later Tae stirred in his sleep and patted the space beside him. He got up quickly when he noticed I wasn't there. I leaned on the chair's frame, oberserving the wild bear.

"Cuddle with me." His hoarse clogged up voice was cute.

"You're sick Taeyeon-ah."

He pouts and leans on the headboard. He inhales deeply and exhales like a loud bull.

"I feel like shit Fany-ah. My ears are plugged and I keep crying even though I'm not sad like I have a plumbing problem with my eyes what the hell. Baby my throat is sore too." He rubs his eyes and sneezes a good 5 times before looking up at me like a confused puppy.

I watch him a little longer before returning to his laundry folding it neatly and putting it away.

He sneezes loudly and blows his nose obnoxiously. By the time I turned around the mountain of tissues had accumulated on the floor.

He smiles cheekily and opens his arms wide for me.

"Come to oppa. He's sick and he needs the best kind of medicine which is you."

"You're such a handful. I'm trying to keep this room a comfortable environment for you to be sick in and you're purposely trashing it."

"But you wouldn't cuddle with me." He whines, getting up to drag me back to the bed.

"Taeyeon-ah!" He lays on top of me, his head buried in the crook of my neck.

"I love you, let me love you." He smiles against my neck and brushes his lips against them.

"Not here, my dads home. Plus, you're sick." I cover his mouth with his hand trying to stop him from kissing me.

"Mmmmmm." He says against my hand and I released it from his lips to give him a quick peck before rubbing the corner of his eye.

"You're eyes are bloodshot. You look like a zombie." I say softly. He grins against my hand and kisses my palm.

"Hey, what happens if there was a zombie apocalypse and I turned into a got bitten by a flesh eating zombie, would you kill me or let me turn you into one?" He asks, biting on my palm like he was funny. Which he wasn't and I smacked his forehead for it.

"What kind of question is that? I'd kill you, you're not touching me with those gross hands baby." I giggle at his scowl. "What about you Tae? What if I was a zombie? What would you do?"

"I'd let you bite me because I'm kinky like that." He says seriously. I rolled my eyes, it's not the time for his sexual fantasies.

I reach over to the counter, pulling out eye drops and sitting my self up to lean on the headboard.

He nestles his head in my lap and I open his eye with my fingers. As I was about to drop a couple of the liquid into his eye, he moves away with a pale face.

"Oh my god. Stay still! Let me put some in!" I push his head into my lap and he squirms.

"Listen, it's scary." He whines pouting in the process.

"You will be the death of me." He sneezes and I bring a tissue up to his nose, gesturing him to blow. I clean his nose up and he smiles sheepishly.

"Go take a shower because you're germy, and snotty. Come down afterwards and eat okay? And don't forget to wash behind your eyes and neck." He nods and gets up, I couldn't help but squeeze his buns and he snapped his head to me.

He gasps. "Don't touch my ass. Don't be that perverted Donald Duck we encountered." He hisses, holding his head up high and marches to the bathroom door.

But I like Tae's buns. They're squishy. My god.

My dads sitting with his legs crossed like an intimidating father, reading his news paper and digging into his breakfast in a slow pace.

Freshly out of the shower was sparkly Tae walking towards me with a smile on his face as his hair glistened in the morning sun.

Maybe his favourite navy blue cartoon giraffe shirt and black shorts wasn't the best thing to wear to impress my dad but at least I appreciated it. His pecs still managed to look like it was about to burst from that shirt and that is what I lived for.

"Good morning." He kisses me on the head and sits down beside me eagerly taking his fork in his hand and eat his breakfast.

"Morning Mr. Hwang." Tae had spoke. My dad just grunted and flipped to another page of the newspaper.

I tap Tae's thigh underneath the table and he looks at me and I nod to let him be at ease.

"We're going boating today, get ready in 30 minutes." My dad gets up and folds the newspaper neatly before placing it on the table and walking away.

I hear Taeyeon exhale his breath and I smack his shoulder.

We laugh together and I feed him the rest of his breakfast as we converse normally, as if nothing happened.

"Are these layers even necessary? I feel like you're trying to suffocate me." He mumbles, mouth still stuffed with toast. I zip his jacket up and fix the collar of his dress shirt underneath.

"Yes they are, you're sick and we're going out to the sea you're going to be cold. Can you stop tugging at your collar?" I swat at his hands and he pouts.

"Yes ma'am." He salutes me while sniffling.

"Maybe you shouldn't go, you're too sick." I said, pulling out the rolled tissues he managed to stuff in his nose because he said his nose was literally a 'faucet' and it wouldn't stop 'leaking.'

"I'm fine. We can't disappoint Papa Hwang, after all I did bang his daughter when he told me not to. Many times." He sniggers proudly. I roll my eyes at him and he catches on trying not to burst out laughing.

"You are the source of my headaches." I say as he leans on to me, puckering his lips like a fish.

"No, you are sick, go away." But I couldn't deny his tired puppy eyes. I let him lean a little bit closer before a loud cough interrupts us. I pulled my hand away from his cheek and apologized through my eyes to dad.

My dad clears his throat gesturing with his eyes that it's time to go.

I pull Tae along and his grip on my hand seems weaker and weaker as minutes pass and I put my hand against his forehead.

He seems fine, but I can't be too sure.

Walking down the gravel path with our foots crunching the rocks underneath was satisfying and Taeyeon got a kick out of pushing rocks towards me. Stupid man child, he's going to get us killed one day.

My dad kept trekking on, looking back on us occasionally. Every time he did Tae and I quieted down and the atmosphere became intense.

The view of the bay I used to come to with my family was bittersweet. I remember myself running along the sand and climbing aboard my dads boat with my brother chasing after me and the distant shouts of my mom to tell me be careful.

The same ship hasn't changed, it sat there in the waters anchored to a wooden support in the water. It swayed gently against the current and I gently grazed my hand over the top of it.

Tae whistling at me with his hand out beckoning me to take it and climb aboard. I touch his hand, and with that he pulls me in gently and sets me on the boat. I sat on the very tip of the boat, holding onto the silver railing as my dad started to get the boat going.

I heard a loud thump behind me and I turned around to see a blob of human on the floor. Tae lifted his head up and rubbed the side of it, frowning and grumbling.

"Did you just?"

He nodded, resting his head back onto the floor. "I didn't see the step and I kind of ran to you and then I tripped and boom, splat." He untangles the rope at his feet too, managing to get caught up in that too, I couldn't stop smiling at my bear.

"You're such a mess?" I questioned, patting the spot next to me.

Like a bear, or a baby bear he crawled up to me on all fours quickly, settling himself next to me comfortably as we touched knees. Still, that got me feeling tingly all over.

I glanced up to the side profile of his face, admiring those happy but exhausted eyes, that slightly red nose and sharp jawline. I laced his rough hands into mine, feeling for him since he was a little sick.

We both sat in front of the boats deck, sitting on the white seats as we looked towards the ocean. My dad was behind us, steering the boat in its place looking onwards. The passing of islands and thickets of trees put me back to memory lane as I glance to my side seeing Tae mesmerized too. His hair was pushed all the way back because of the wind and he kept blinking, bringing the tissue to his nose and blowing.

He looked at me too, smiling and putting his hand on mine. He clutched it firmer and as minutes pass, he fell asleep on my lap.

It wasn't till a few hours out into the sea we stayed stationary on the side of an island just enjoying the view. Something about ocean waves calms me. It's enough to put Taeyeon to sleep.

I gently comb my fingers into his luscious jet black hair, looking down at the contours of his face. He was a little paler than usual, his nose was a slight tinge of red and his eyes were swollen due to having an excess amount of tears come out of them in which he blames the allergy for it and calls it 'manly tears of the season.'

His bruises and cuts from my dad didn't help his appearance either but I adored that angry face he made when he slept.

"Why do you look so angry all the time? It's not good for you." I whisper to him, the breeze just flows through us, I didn't expect a respond anyways.

"You're still cute though." I felt myself internally smiling. My hands couldn't stop caressing his face gently like the teddy bear he was. He seemed so lonely before, you could tell. He used to look so cold. So mean.

Now he's just a teddy bear that occasionally has a knife in his paws. Ready to threaten or stab you a million times. Yeah, what a description.

"He's a big man, I think he can take care of himself." Dad's voice broke my day dream. I don't even want to look up to the deck to see my dads disapproving face.

"I know he can, but there's nothing wrong with a little help." I replied, frowning.

"He's old enough to take care of himself. Do you see yourself with him in the future? Because if you look, you're going to be babying him. A damn housewife s what he's going to make you become Miyoung." He sternly said. That statement made me think though. Do I really see myself with him 10, 20 years from now? Right now, I kind of do? I have hope for us. I still do.

But what made me go off was how my dad said he'd make me into a housewife. How I'd baby him. I won't be, it's called caring. "I'm the one who wants to help him, I'm the one who voluntarily puts up with him. Why are you questioning every aspect of my life as if I'm still the same scared little girl that hid behind your back." I shot back, looking back into him disapprovingly.

I hated going against my dad. Last time I did this was when I wanted to become a singer or idol in Korea. I even got freaking selected by one of the top 3 companies. When he said no, and continued to say no I felt a part of me just fall out. Whatever though, I'm willing to fight even more for me and Tae just because I'm much older now. I guess age does help.

"Because I'm your father Miyoung! I can not live with myself knowing that almost a year ago you were close to being beaten to death! Your mother would have not forgiven me if she found out!" I hear the clinging of metal bars from the ships upper deck and I know my dad hit or threw something out of anger.

Tae sits up immediately and rubs his eyes staring at my father. My hand was still caressing the length of his arm, hanging my head low in shame. God please don't remind me of the past. Nichkhun was such a mistake.

"Mr. Hwang, I understand where you're coming from. Like I said, I admire you-"

"Shut up. Shut up you rich, entitled, ego inflated son of a bitch. You don't understand." I've never heard my father swear like that. So vulgar.

Tae clenched his jaw, his composure was going to crack I could see it. Last night he could control it when they first met, but now I don't know.

"Why don't shut your smart mouth before I kick you off the boat and then tell me what you have to say at the bottom of the ocean." I can hear the sneer my dads giving off and I just know this is going to blow up.

"You wanna threaten me? Do you know who the fuck I am? I've been nice and polite to your saggy ass and the least you can fucking do is give me some respect." And here come the curse words and threats from the infamous Tae. He's losing it and I don't want to see him in his 'other' form. I've seen him deal with gang members, but what makes this different is that the one he's dealing with now is my father. He can't be like that. I know he knows that.

"Respect?! You're asking for respect? You're disgraceful, if I were your parents I'd disown you on the spot." My dad fires back, letting his hands off the steering wheel and he came a bit closer to us and I'm just anticipating Taeyeon's answer to his jab. I don't know what to do.

"News flash old man, my parents are fucking dead." Tae practically growls that and he stood up from his seat. Crap.

"Taeyeon-ah, sit down please. Don't say anymore, just leave it." I tug at his hand and he looks back quickly before averting his attention back at my dad on top of the deck.

"No fuck that, your dads a fucking asshole. Let her do whatever the fuck she's wants, she's 26. She's not so little anymore and she's fully capable of making decisions based on what she wants without you babying her. The fuck are you doing controlling her life as if she's 10?" He spat out those words to my father and my dad looked like he was about to hit him some more.

"Look at him. Miyoung, what do you think will happen when he gets angry at you? He'll hit you, he'll abandon you, he'll leave you suffering. He won't understand your pain. I've been through it with you, I know. He's no different from anyone I've seen. Listen to me for once." My dad kind of pleaded, and I was so conflicted at this point. I felt sucked in, like I still had to listen to my father. That kind of trap.

"I'm not like that, don't compare me to whatever the fuck you've seen. That's not fair to me and we talked about this yesterday, does it ring a bell old man?" Tae hollered but I still felt like my dad was right. I still doubted Tae. There were times I felt like I was here with him because of my own self guilt.

My dad snapped is heads toward Taeyeon, and it was the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life. "Shall I give you another black eye? You know, to match the other one I gave you yesterday." My father says with a sneering taunting tone and steps closer to him. Tae's fists clenched and when he was about to get closer I stood in front of Taeyeon and pushed him back with while hugging him. His heart was racing incredibly fast and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

No violence. Not between the ones I love.

"Tae, please don't do this please?" I whisper into his ear and I feel the tears brimming my eyes. Is our relationship that bad? So bad that my dad disapproves of this so much.

He's never hit, I've never seen him yell that loud, cuss in my life or even go out of his way to make someone feel like crap. He's nice, he's a kind father. He's my dad, he's the most handsomest, strong hearted, driven, bravest dad I will ever have.

I feel Tae trying to resist and I pulled his face down to face mine which startles him. One little glance and I see how angry he is. I rub the shell of his ear and caress his jaw. He returns the glance and his expression eases but it's still flaring mad as he kept our gazes together

"Taetae, he's my father. You know I love you, I can't leave you. Tae I love you." I whisper gently into his ear and rubbed his back hoping it'll calm him down.

I can't even witness this between him and my father. My heart was throbbing at the sight of them two fighting. It hurts so much. I can hear his heavy breathing and my heart feels heavy for him.

He tried to move his hand but I brought it down and held it within mine. "I love you so much Taeyeon-ah, so so much." I said into the side of his head as I wrapped myself tighter around him as I rocked side to side with him in my hold. I repeated those words over and over again to help him subside his anger. I felt like everything I knew to calm him down was basically thrown out, trying to do everything I can.

His hand that was placed on my back balled into a fist as I heard my dad taunt him even more. Everything was muffled and all I could hear was Taeyeon's breathing and his incredible heartbeat. When I felt him try to push me away I resisted and glanced up to kiss him.

I rubbed the shell of his head and my other hand had his shirt gripped into my hand tightly. I felt his anger subside through our lips and when he responded back by parting his lips slightly I knew he was going to be okay. I pulled back and he had a soft look in his eyes but a clear frown.

We succeeded, he controlled himself and I felt so proud.

My tears were streaming freely down my cheeks and I kissed the side of his head softly. Each kiss was stained with my salty tears and when I felt him hold me closer with his hands on my back my body shook and I cried harder.

"Just take me home dad. I can't do this anymore after this. I'll leave tonight." My eyes are no good, always crying and never smiling like Taeyeon told me to do.

He gently took me to the front of the boat and we faced away from my father. I never knew what my father was like at the moment because I didn't look at him when I was trying to console Taeyeon. I don't want to.

Tae pulls me onto his lap and he kisses the crown of my head while bushing my fringe away. He wraps me in his jacket and he smiles weakly while kissing my tears away.

"We'll be okay." I longed for the words at a time like this. My hand automatically cupped his face when he said that. I shy away from him like I always do when he says those words but this time he made me look at him. He repeats those words and I leaned into his shoulder letting the wind cool us from our heated exchange as the boat moves forward.

For moments I thought it had been hours of me just sitting on the seat with my body shifted toward the sea, letting the silent tears fall.

Taeyeon, he just stared at me and caressed my body. We both didn't say anything. From the corner of my eye I can see him looking at me with his eye furrowed and concern in his eyes.

He let me be, but never did he leave me alone.

When we arrived at the dock I wasted no time walking back up the trail and into the house.

I hoisted our luggage a from the closet and started filing it to the brim with Tae and I's clothes. My tears fell and I wiped them away harshly. Tae sat down on the bed watching my every move and I didn't slow down.

Clothes after clothes and frustrated tears later I gave up and sat on the floor. I crawled towards Taeyeon, and rested on top of his knees on the floor.

I didn't want to look at him, and he made no move to shifting his position to do that. He did what I've always did to him, and was to caress my head gently.

I buried my head in his legs and cried. Sometimes I feel like I had heart problems because of the clenching and unclenching my heart did every time I inhaled.

I breath in the scent of his sandalwood and felt the throbbing of my head increase.

"Ho-hold me Taeyeon-ah, I ne-need you, I ne-need you so much." He takes a hold of my arm, pulling me up to meet his eyes. I straddled his hips as he lowered himself on the bed.

Each rub on my back and touch on my face was an invitation to sleep. He never did fail to clean me up and say those heartfelt words that made me swoon over him.

"It sucks because I don't want you to go against your father. He only does it because he loves you Fany-ah, don't let him go because he's the only father you've got. I personally think he's a fucking asshole, but I know he means well, and that's coming from me. Don't be like me, don't distant yourself from your father. I'm really sorry." His deep croaky voice is still a second home to me and for him to fill that eerie silence was everything to me.

I shook my head. "You have nothing to apologize for." I whispered.

"God, imagine if I punched the man. This situation would've been 10 times worse. I'm just glad you were there. Who knows what I would've done. Doesn't matter, lets sleep it off and go home tomorrow." I let go of his balled up shirt in my fist when he told me comforting words.

Growing up, I slept in my father arms. Never did a night past that I didn't. He's cradle me to sleep and I've always woken up beside him and when I didn't I'd cry and look everywhere for him.

Taeyeon, he's my replacement to that. The one that can understand me and love me more. To treat me right and be with me for the rest of my life as long as I'm alive. stand by this statement. I want to prove my dad wrong.

How do I thank someone like Tae when I can't even gather the strength to say 'I love you' back as he's comforting me.

It's the only thing that he wants to hear but I cry even harder thinking about the things he's done for me, and sleep on his chest.

I woke up to the sound of him sniffling and clearing his nose every few minutes. The movements caused me to stir and he wasn't sleeping at all, he was in constant pain and ache as his cold kept him awake.

I stroke his head and stop the arm from reaching for a tissue. I reached for it myself and helped him clear his nasal. He kept trying to clear his throat and struggled to even breathe and I wanted to help him in anyway I could, but sometimes you just have to let him be.

The table beside us had a mound of used tissue and Taeyeon was weakly holding onto my hand. It hurt me to see him like this but with his swollen eyes due to his watery eyes and the chills he had all over his body, I couldn't do anything.

He points at his throat and I reach for the glass of water and inserting a straw for him to drink out of. He leans on the headboard lifelessly and sips slowly, each gulp he winced at the pain.

I went downstairs to heat up some soup and came back upstairs to see him in the same position; mouth ajar and eyes barely closing.

I sat at the edge of the bed and puff he pillows up for him. The extra sweat radiating off him was sticky and gross, so I wiped it off with a towel cleaning him up. I blew into the hot soup to get it just the right temperature for him.

I brought the spoon up to his chapped lips and he slowly turns away from it.

"Taeyeon-ah, eat it's good for you." His droopy eyes stay the same and I ended up straddling his hips as he leaned all the way back on the beds headboard refusing to eat.

"It's 4 in the morning and hot soup can do you justice Taeyeon-ah." I gesture it to his lips again and he slowly opens and I put the spoon into his mouth feeding him.

I repeat it till the bowl was half empty before he shakes his head and groggily refuses to drink anymore.

"One more Taetae, just one more." I coaxed him with every spoonful and by the time that 'one more' turned into several more, it was gone.

Just like how he fed me when I was sick, how he held me and cuddled me because I was so freaking needy. I'll return the favour.

I wipe the corner of his mouth with the towel and he lays on his back opening the covers like it's an invitation for me to rest with him.

"Get well, bear. Be strong and be healthy for me." I whisper and kiss him on the cheek before rubbing his chest to coax him to sleep. My hands went underneath his pajama button up, lifting it up to see that scar I hated with a burning passion. I rubbed it with my thumb, noticing how scars seem to take forever to fade away. I want it gone and out of my sight because it serves as an intense reminder of how I almost lost him.

For the next few hours, I drifted in and out of sleep. Waking up a few times to check up on my sick bear. Every time he jerked awake and try to sit up, I rubbed his tummy with vapor rub and he immediately fell back asleep to my pats.

Morning came and I didn't hesitate to walk out to the taxi and load everything up myself. The race to the airport was frantic and I wanted to leave memory lane as fast as I could.

My dad stood in the front of the door not saying a single thing after our boat trip and Taeyeon takes off his hat once again and gave him a little bow out of respect I guess. It's not like I expected him to do that after they bickered and almost had a fist fight. But maybe he did it because of me and how upset I was.

I kissed my father on the cheek, whispering a 'bye.' He nodded slightly, eyes looking a little dim.

Taeyeon's hand guides me to the taxi and as we drove away my eyes still never left that position. I could see my dad look at me too and we never broke the gaze till we grew too distant.

When we got back home I let everything just drop on the floor, luggage, my jacket, shoes and my purse, all that. I had no energy, I just wanted to just sleep it away. Taeyeon knew I was upset and let me be.

Every once in a while he'd walk out of his office to check up on me on the living room, I was slowly drifting off to sleep when I felt a kiss on my cheek. I curled myself towards his hand that was tickling my chin playfully.

I swatted it away, mumbling a 'go away.' He sniggered, nodding his head and kissing the side of my head. I didn't hear from him after that, but it made me feel a lot better.

A phone call from Sooyoungie and Bora kept me awake though, talking about Sooyoung's new hot famous actor boyfriend really kept me awake. I loved it, I can't wait to meet him. I told Tae about Soo's boyfriend so many times, it gotten to the point where he hates him now because I suspect he's a little jealous from all the love Soo's boyfriend is getting from me.

He's a famous actor, my favourite actor. I've watched all his drama's, I even have a poster of him. Who knew, my bets friend would score him. Ugh, yes. Sooyoung, you go girl.

I was humming while baking cookies. I thought the smell would attract the bear to come out of his cave but it didn't. Doesn't matter though, I'll bring it to him.

I skipped the Tae's office, holding a bunch of cookies I just baked because I felt too happy. Plus, who wouldn't want cookies. I walked by, going to peek in but I heard his rumbling voice dripping with anger.

I leaned against a wall, hands on the plate of treats I made. I listened in, hoping it wasn't something too bad.

 _"I don't have that type of money to give you."_

 _"Listen, if we keep this up I won't have a single penny left in the bank."_

 _"The money I'm giving isn't for funding your party lifestyle, get your fucking shit together."_

I swallowed the lump in my throat. Anything that is bad that happens in both work and the triad is going to end up blown up to the max. I'm afraid. The more problems there are the more he works and the more he's going to be caught up in something.

He slammed his phone on his desk, ruffling up his hair in frustration. He dug around the drawers, pulling out his medicine.

I saw him open his orange pill container and take two blue ones. For his chest pains, his ever growing chest pains that seem to get worse lately.

I felt guilt. It was still there despite having time pass.

His pills remind me of his declining health.

His scar just underneath the area of his heart was the ultimate reminder everyday for me when I saw it.

A reminder that screamed 'death.'

I watched my bear a little longer, but when I realized that he lit a cigar and started to pour himself a drink I soon found myself at the foot of his desk, smothering out his cigar and a hand on his glass of liquor.

"What?" He asked, frowning.

"You don't mix prescription pain killers with drugs and alcohol."

"I need it." He grumbled, moving my hand away from his glass but I gripped it harder.

"Taeyeon." I warned.

"I'm not asking you again Fany-ah."

"You can't do this to your body, you're hurting enough. The substances you're putting in your body is harming it further, please listen to me for on-" He cuts me off by throwing the glass at a wall.

"I don't want to hear it! Of all people I don't want it to come form you, so fuck off and let me be for fuck sakes."

"I almost lost you Taeyeon! You're killing yourself faster at this rate and I don't want to lose you!"

"But you didn't, I'm alive aren't I? So hand me back my box of imported from South America." He gestured with his fingers for me to give it back but I held them. I saw how his other hand was clenching onto the end of his deck and any second now he'd probably rip a corner of that mahogany table off.

"Do you even care?" I whisper. Because I do. I care about you.

"I'll live. It's not an excessive amount. I've done it before, the pain killers aren't that strong." An addiction, that's what he has because all he could ever look at was this cigars in my hand and not even me.

"No, do you even care about how I feel?" I asked, expecting some sort of response. How much sense do I have to knock into him.

He stood there with a straight face and I threw the box of cancer sticks at his chest. I didn't need him to answer because I got it from him just standing there.

I walked out of his office, scooping Prince into my arms.

The dinner tonight won't be made. I'll have a meal for one.

Does he realize how much guilt  
I have stored inside of me towards him? I can't look at a fruit knife and think of it as a tool that cuts fruit. To me it was a weapon that he used to almost kill himself.

Those pills were to ease his chest pains.

I needed to take care of him, I owed him.

Even though there was some distancing between us that night with us not eating dinner together, we still slept in the same room.

He turned on his side, facing away from me while I was leaning against the headboard with a novel in my lap.

I eventually dozed off but I slipped in and out of sleep uncomfortably. I hated how that arm wasn't around me, or how my backside was cold. I missed being the little spoon. This is horrible, I can't even stay away from Taebear for more than a couple of hours and I start to show withdrawal symptoms.

Gosh.

I heard the shuffles of blankets and the bed squeaking, it no longer dipped and I turned on my side and opened my eyes.

He wasn't there anymore and I heard the closer being rummaged through and I sat up, seeing him dress up at exactly 2:47 AM.

"Where are you going?" I asked, grabbing his pillow and putting it on my lap.

"Work." He muttered, he couldn't even look at me when he said that. He just continued buttoning up his shirt.

"The office?" I prayed. Please be that type of work, not the work with the triad. Please please?

"No." He simply said. "The one you don't like."

I stared at the back of his head, glancing periodically at the hand on the door knob.

"Don't."

"I have to go."

"Taeyeon." I warned.

He turned around, brows knitting with a distressed face. "This is one of those things you can't stop me from doing. We went over this, multiple times. I have to go. No arguments." He said firmly and from there I knew I couldn't really say anything.

"You're going to get hurt." I tried to reason.

"I've been going out for the past 3 months like this, I've been fine Fany-ah."

"Y-You've done this behind my back for 3 months?" I thought it was only a couple of days he did this. That was why I guess I was 'okay' with it in the beginning, but not anymore. I've gotten so increasingly worried. I'd rather not find Tae dead in the bed because of his enemies.

"Not exactly, you knew I went. I leave when you're asleep and comeback before you wake up. I've come back unscathed, unharmed." He said. I wanted to get mad at him, yell at him for doing such thing but I can't.

I guess he knew I was unconvinced because he sighed. "Remember that promise I made you that night? when I started going back to the triad?"

I shook my head. He smiled, and nodded his head. "I promised you that every time I had to do something involving the triad that I'd always come back to you. If I broke it, you'd personally come and beat me up." He said with a chuckle.

Oh. That promise. Okay, that was a good promise.

I stood up and tiptoed to Tae, digging myself into his jacket and wrapping myself around his body. "Can you not go tonight? I-I want to sleep with you." I mumbled against his chest, hoping that at least maybe he'll feel bad and he'll stay?

"I have to go. I'm sorry." He said, patting my back.

"Then take me with you, please?"

"That is literally out of the question. Absolutely not." He pulled me away from him and looked at me sternly.

"Then you're not going." I pulled away from him, crossing my arms. I didn't want to have a standoff with him, but I didn't want him to go. It's always going to be bad things every time he's involved with that crap.

"Fany, I'm not going to ask you again."

"I'm not going to ask you again either." I shot back.

"You're kidding me, right?" He asked bluntly. I shook my head.

He clenched his jaw like he always did when he got pissed off. He tried to move me to the side but I ended up just standing in front of the door.

"Take me with you."

"It's dangerous."

I shrugged.

"I'm not letting them see you, they'll think we got back together or something."

"Are we not?" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"We are, but they don't know that." He muttered. I still stood infront of the door and he sighed, putting his hands on his hips. "Fany-ah, have you ever wondered why every time we go out there's no paparazzi? Or everywhere you go you don't seem to be fucking mauled by anyone or anything? That it's a very rare case that it does?"

I nodded. I did wonder that, many times.

"There's so many thing that happen behind the scenes that you don't know about. I have to worry about every little thing when it comes to you, so please make my life easier by staying home, sleeping and not coming with me."

"I-I can't. I won't be able to sleep knowing you're out there doing something that will eventually kill you."

"Then that's fine with me, stay up watch TV play with Prince or some shit. Wait for me to get home then."

"Taeyeon-ah, I don't want you to go, and if you do go take me with so at least I get to at least be with you when you're doing these things."

"We went over this, I'm not risking them see you, and I'm not risking them taking you away from me. It's stupidly dangerous for you and I'd rather you shut up, sit pretty and wait for me to get home. I'm not arguing over this Fany-ah." He pushed me to the side but I grabbed a fistful of his jacket, pulling him lightly. I didn't need force to yank him back. It was a warning already.

"I'm being really patient with you right now. It's taking every cell in my fucking body to not yell at you. My pissed off levels are through the roof right now. Fany-ah, I don't want to hurt you." He said lowly. I frowned at the tone. Was it wrong to just care for him?

"Taeyeon-ah, just listen to me?"

"Listen? You call your fucking nagging listening? Fuck sakes, I'm gonna say it here but you're getting really damn annoying. Tonight with my cigarettes, and now with this bullshit of you wanting to come to work with me? Enough. Sit down, and let me do my shit. Stay out of it." He snapped. I stood there, swallowing down those words. It sliced through me like hot butter. It started to gnaw away at my consciousness.

There's so many parts of him, I feel like I didn't even meet half of them yet. I've never met this side of Taeyeon who so easily brushed me off.

He turned around, hands on his hips. He had a flame in his eyes, looking at me with a dim light. He started to move forward again but the grip on his jacket tightened, pulling him again.

"If you step out of that door and close it leaving without me , don't expect me to be here waiting for you." I said. His eye kind of twitched and I could hear his skin being squeezed tightly.

He slammed open the door leaving it wide open and briskly walked out, opening the front door for me too. I grabbed a jacket, my purse and my phone quickly. Darting down the stairs to catch him up, hearing the car's engine rev up.

I opened the car's door and without a glance I knew he as furious, but he didn't say anything.

I watched out the window, staring at the city lights that seemed to disappear. It was always like this, heading out of the city to go into the middle of nowhere, that's where the triad operated.

He got out of the car in the middle of literally nowhere. Ahead of us was a tunnel, covered by a blue tarp. I got out of the car too, shutting the door and hearing my shoes grind against the gravel making that patchy sound.

I looked behind me, paranoid that something's going to happen. It always does. I shuffled towards Tae, but he was already so many steps ahead of me. He didn't even wait for me.

I pulled my jacket closer to me, quickening my paces. I didn't want to be left behind, but I guess Tae's really trying to do that.

He turned a corner and I panicked for a few moments when I didn't see him ,but when I turned the corner too my vision of him reappeared and it was okay.

Surrounding me, was the echoiest, largest, dirtiest, eeriest tunnel ever. It smelt like urine, had a pool of dirty sewage water along the bottom and it had rats littered everywhere. It didn't help that the constant drips of fluid were so pronounced in here.

I turned back, checking behind me once again. Truthfully, I was afraid. Someone that followed us, or something that'll attack. I wanted Tae by my side, because every time he was I didn't have to worry as much. I felt protected, always.

But right now, not so much when he's being the biggest douchebag on earth.

Pitter patter and the taps of my shoes on the concrete and the splashes of it occasionally dipping into the low water.

I exhaled when we reached an intersection, it was gated off on both sides and Taeyeon slipped through the jagged bars and continued walking. I stood there, confused. I didn't know what to do.

But my legs did, and that was to keep going. So I did,. I grasped the rusty metal. The flakes of eroded metal came off onto my palm and I wiped them on my jacket. I knelt, crawling underneath the broken door because it was faster than squeezing in.

I stood back up quickly, almost stumbling over but I can't lose the sight of him. "Taetae?" I asked quietly, hoping that he'll stop and wait for me.

Pitter, patter.

He kept walking. His stupid inflated ego.

I don't know how long this went on, but my legs started to feel numb. It didn't help that my adrenaline was pumping and I was on edge like 99% of the time. But I kept walking, not wanting to lose the trail of Tae.

He was in a way, ruthless. Merciless. That hard, cold, egg headed asshole.

I wanted to tell him that what if in this moment I got separated from him, I got lost, or someone took me? What then. What happens after that?

I shook the thoughts of out my head and finally relaxed when he came to a stop infront of a white door that had chipping paint, and poor vegetation growing over it. He didn't go in. Not at all.

But I ran to him, smiling a bit when I did because I felt so relieved. I was closer to him, the constant checking behind my back wouldn't be as necessary.

I was behind him. directly behind him and when I heard the loud echoes of a group getting louder and louder, probably coming closer to us, I felt my back shoved.

Into the dark room I stumbled in and with my knees ad hands n the ground I turned around at the only source of light which was only emitted from the door Tae had opened.

He stood there tall and strong at the door. His body, his face as so dark and the only thing I saw was the bright light coming from the sewers behind him.

"Taetae?" My voice cracked, I quickly stood up and lunged at thee door but my body just slammed right into it. The force sending me jolting just a bit back and I eyed the door with teary eyes.

I crawled over to it, shouting his name with a trembling voice.

"Tae? Taeyeon! Please don't do this, don't leave me in here! Taeyeon!" My palm kept hitting the metal door repeatedly.

At that moment I felt small.

In this dark room where the only light that shone through was through the slit underneath the door between the floor.

"It's your little punishment for insisting to come with me. You're safe here so sit pretty I'll come and get you later." He shouted and with that I heard his footsteps.

"Taeyeon. ." I murmured, sliding down the door. He left. That idiot, that stupid prick. That hot headded egg was my boyfriend. I trusted him and defended him in front of my dad and now I feel like a fool. I feel so frustrated but at the same time my body was hyped up. It felt too jittery. I didn't understand wy my body was acting like this.

I turned around and then it settled. I realized the scope of my environment and I started to panic.

It felt so familiar.

Pitch black room. Empty room, how far did it go? I didn't know.

I was too afraid to move my feet away from the door, because if I did I probably wouldn't be able to find it again.

My back was against the door, feeling it's metal coldness on my back. I rested my head on top of my knees, knocking on the door periodically.

It felt exactly like it had been, a year ago.

I had to be quiet or else something bad will happen. It always does, he never liked it when I made a sound.

I had to sit still, sit pretty. Wait for him to come home and open the door for me. He had to make sure I was still here, that I hadn't tried to escape or do anything 'funny.' That I was still his, and no one else's. That no one in the world could see me, and that I was only possessively his and his only.

I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I didn't do anything but sit. I cried, quietly. I waited for him, and those hours were so long. I felt so lost in here, like I was shut off towards everything and everyone for hours on end till he came back from work.

But when he did come home. I had to have a smile. I had to greet him properly or bad things started to happen.

I remember those bruises, those beatings. That verbal abuse he spat at me constantly started ramming inside my head.

Nichkhun, he still had the biggest imprint on me.

I hate myself till this day of how I let myself believe that whatever he did to me was normal. That it was okay, and no one had to know. They couldn't know. For the love of god how I remember talking to a neighbor once and Nichkhun taped my mouth shut for a day as punishment for talking to another human being in fear of me saying something that'll alert the person of the horrific things Nichkhun has done to me.

Even so I live happier days right now with Tae, there's still so much bad.

Right now I'm sitting in this pitch dark room that resembles my memories. The thoughts and the past that had me so scarred, so shaken up and so paranoid. The worst part was, the one who recreated this moment was Tae.

He was the one who locked me up, he was the one I'm waiting for right now to come and open the door for me.

I curled my small hand into a fist. I felt so angry and hostile against Tae. I wanted to prove my dad wrong that he was different, he'd treat me well.

Dad was right though. The thinds he had pointed out was becoming more of a reality.

At some point I started crying again, hearing my own sobs in the echoey room. I hated how I couldn't see anything, no sign of living. I was scared shitless.

I heard Tae's voice suddenly boom. How close was he, I didn't know but I could hear all their conversations.

"Where's my fucking payment?" He said, and I heard the clicking of a gun.

"I-It'll come, give me another 5 days the money will go thr-" The shaky small voice still managed to be projected to me.

"I don't have time. I really don't." Tae growled.

"There's nothing I can do, I don't get the money from the dealer till tue-" The guy didn't get to finish his sentence before a loud bang rang out. A shot, a gun shot.

The unidentified voice hollered in pain, gurgling his saliva and practically screaming murder.

"F-Fuck! Come on Kim!" I didn't even want to imagine where he got shot, and how bloody he was.

"2 days, or the other side of your pelvis gets shot off." Taeyeon had said and another shot rang out and I didn't hear anything after that. Just a low wisp that seemed to circle around this room.

No voices, no conversations just water flowing from outside the sewer trenches.

My hands were on the metal door, shaky in fact. That was my Taebear. He did that, I don't know if he killed but he threatened. He injured someone.

I know I wanted to come with, but I didn't mean to see those things. Or hear them. I just wanted to make sure he would be alright, that maybe he'd make less brutal choices if I was around.

He's a whole different person when he's working his illegal violent job. Almost someone I don't know but what did I expect.

I wonder what he's truly like. I wanted to see all of him.

Didn't matter at this moment though. I sat pretty waiting for something to happen or for my boyfriend to fucking open the door to the room he trapped me in.

I heard the rattling of keys, and maybe the lock being fiddled with. I stood up and I'd find a weapon at this point to help myself but it was too dark.

I'm hoping that Taeyeon because if that isn't I'm going to lose my mind.

The door opened and with an oil lamp shone Heechul, smiling at me.

"H-Heechul?"

"Hello, your friendly neighbourhood favourite oppa is here." He smiled a warm one and I couldn't deny the warm feeling of light or another person being here in this lonesome crap hole.

A woman, a really pretty woman stepped aside and waved too. I wasn't confused or anything but I didn't think Heechul would have a girlfriend or something. Or a wife?

"Hi!" She said rather with a bubbly tone. I waved back and greeted her.

"Seolhyun, I'm Seolhyun, Heechul's slave." She said sticking her hand out. At that point I didn't know if she was serious about being his slave or not but I shook her hand.

Heechul chuckled, shaking his head while placing the oil lamp on the counter beside us.

The light emitted enough light for the room to be lit. It was empty and as lonely as I thought it was. There was nothing.

I turned around and fidgeted with my fingers, not knowing what to say. "I-I."

"I don't know why you're in this room either. Save it." He says, putting his hand up. It guess it was a miracle he found me. I think I would've lost it if I was in here longer than I was.

"I hate your dongsaeng." I mumbled, walking beside him.

"I do too, sometimes."

"How did you. ."

"Heard you cry. It was familiar to me so I just opened this door. Didn't think you'd be in it but here you are. Let's get you out of here shall we?"

"Wanna go get chicken nuggets." Seolhyun chimed in, linking my arms. I had no idea who she I as, but she was actually very attractive. I guess nice and bubbly but it could've come off as fake.

But who was I to judge.

"Y-Yes?" But what about Tae?

The door opened and I stared at it. The one I was just worrying about showed up, and just like that all that worry vanished.

I was just ticked off, pissed off, and utterly upset by then.

He walks in, opening the door further waiting for me to get up and go.

"Alright, I'm done let's go." He said happily, like he's done nothing wrong.

"Oh hey Hyung, Binoo. Didn't see you guys there." He says, fist bumping Heechul. What the hell did he just call Seolhyun, I didn't realize they knew each other.

I wasn't excited to see him for once. All I saw was, him. He wasn't the one I fell in love with. He's so different, he wasn't Taeyeon.

"Do I not get a 'hello?' or a 'welcome back baby?' sheesh." He said. He's just like Nichkhun. Those words, god it sounded just like him.

I stood up and walked past him, bumping shoulders. "I'm done with you." I whispered.

"Excuse me?" He snapped.

I didn't reply, just kept walking where I wanted to go. At this point if I were to get jumped then let it be. Anywhere but where Tae was.

"You don't even know the way, so don't start walking places because you're mad at me." I muttered, still catching up to my pace.

I shrugged, continuing to walk along the side of the tunnel to avoid any gross water.

"You were okay with this before, what fucking changed? Why are you so nosey into my business all of a sudden? What happened?" He growled once more, growing increasingly angrier by the second.

I chose to stay quiet but my mind had all sort of things to say. I suddenly cared when you had to pop pills because of your condition. You were the one who almost killed yourself because of all this triad bullshit. I kept ignoring him when he kept trying to pry.

"Are you serious?" He said, walking right beside me before infront of me, making me bump his chest.

He held me stay put with a firm hand on my shoulder. "You're so fucking childish. I work so hard risking my ass for you and you can't even understand this entire operation. Do you know how fucking hard it is for me to do this for you? While you're out here, acting up and shit making my job harder than it is. Fuck sakes Fany-ah." I pushed his hand away, turning away to face the other way.

I wiped away my tears quickly, still walking forward. I was praying that he couldn't see me, because I'd probably cry even more if he did.

I was upset at what he said, because he didn't know how I felt about this, about what he did just now with abandoning me in there in a dark room for hours, about this entire triad crap.

"Great, now you're crying. What now?" He groans, seeming to get even more annoyed with me.

He's too much, he's too harsh with his words. He's insensitive. He doesn't realize this but I didn't say anything. It only makes it worse because he's so stubborn.

"Hey, I'm talking to you. Answer me."

He grabbed my by my arm and turned me around. I just stood infront of him not even fighting it.

I was so tired.

"Stop fucking running away. You always do this." He growled.

"You're too much Taeyeon-ah." I whispered and he let go of me, knitting his brows.

He seemed a bit shocked and guilt was written all over his face. But I doubt he knows what he did wrong though.

Heechul came out and interrupted us, finally catching up to the mess that we are in the middle of some stinky sewer.

I held onto Heechul's arm, whispering him to take me home.

"Are you sure?" He said back in a hushed tone. I nodded, dear god please take me home.

By the look of Tae's face I didn't think he was too happy with me but I went home with Heechul. He didn't chase, he didn't call.

Heechul dropped me home and asked me if I was okay. I nodded and thanked him for the ride.

I went into our room and packed my purse and wore another pair of jeans and a shirt because my other ones were tainted and smelly from tonight's episode.

Thanks Tae.

I was so close to leaving without getting caught but he was already at the door looking all sad and crap.

I walked back in the hallway and leaned against a wall. I knew I couldn't leave without an explanation. He made sure because his body was blocking the entire door.

"I know what happened with you and your ex. Your father told me." He mumbled, scratching the back of his head.

"You don't know everything Taeyeon."

"I know enough." He said, playing with his tie. He's so stubborn.

I shook my head. "You don't know how bad it hurts. You don't know how I was locked up in a closet for 7 hours a day, 5 times a week every time Nichkhun left for work. How he starved me in the dark room for hours, how he came home at 4:30 PM sharp to hit me because I didn't greet him properly. I never told you, so you don't know."

He held his breath, brows knitting and immediately he looked so guilty.

"Do you even care about how others will feel? Do you take into account other people in your life because if surely does seem like you don't." I asked, unlocking my phone to see the nearest coffee shop around here. It was so early in the morning, I'd been at 'work' with him for 5 hours since 2 AM.

"I care for you. I don't want to lose you again so I worry. I love you Taeyeon-ah, and with that comes the inevitable of your significant other caring. I can't stress this enough, I care. Please understand?" I pleaded, he looked guilty enough and I didn't want to push it. Just him understanding is enough for me.

I sighed. "Dad was kind of right about you, and us."

"No, no he wasn't. Fany, please don't say that?" He looked alerted, stepping closer to me and he wanted to touch me but I guess my narrowed eyes at his hand stopped him from doing it.

I shrugged. I don't know, my mind is pretty much influenced by my father now. The things he's said, and the things Taeyeon has done recently just proved his points.

"You've crossed the line Taeyeon-ah, and I'm not happy with it." I said quietly.

I took the car keys from hall table and grabbed my coat, slipping on a pair of sneakers as he watched.

"Where are you going?" He asked in a small voice. I looked away but even though I did that I saw form the corner of my eyes his head had hung low.

"Fresh air? I won't leave you if that's what you're worried about. I'll come back."

"H-Hey? Don't?" He said with a quivering voice.

I shook my head, I needed to go for a little break.

"Will you be back?" He asked, a gentle hand on my arm.

I nodded. "I'm not leaving. I'll come back to make you lunch. Don't worry Taeyeon." He nodded once, understanding what I was asking for. I left him there standing when I went through the door.

In his black sedan I took, I pressed the start engine button but noticed a pink card at my feet beside the foot pedal.

I leaned down, picking it up seeing some sort of female escort service.

A little note was written in black ink in contrast to the pink business card beside the phone number.

 _'I had a good time Toopy, let's do it again.'_

Toopy? I don't understand, did they give each other fucking pet names?

I threw the card on the dashboard, seeing it in the corner of my eye as I kept driving. It hurt. I can't deny that. The thoughts of him doing what broke us up before scared me. The feeling of me not satisfying him enough, or me not enough for him made me feel less of a person I already thought I was.

I was upset, but I wanted an explanation from him. I wasn't going to accuse him of something. I'm praying it's just nothing, I really want us to last.

That got us nowhere last time. But I'm afraid of finding out the truth. When this happened before he really did cheat. I don't want to hear him saying he did it again.

This time I wouldn't know what to do.

Maybe I couldn't handle us being together, his life is too much, so involved and I lived a simple life.

The doubts always eat at my confidence, but I promised Tae and myself we'd work it out. We'll be fine somehow.


	26. Change

Kim Taeyeon

The grip on the phone in my hand started to tighten, treating it like a stress ball.

"I have no more money."

"The recession is hitting us again, I'm struggling with the company. I just lost a bunch of shares, there's no new investments happening you have to understand."

"I'm getting no return on my investment, fuck this isn't even investment I get nothing back! There's no profit here!"

"I'm on the brink of fucking bankruptcy! What more do you want? The money I'm supplying is contributing a quarter of your entire triad! The money I'm giving you to support this shit is clean, innocent clean money! No lives were murdered, nothing illegal happened!" I hollered through the phone, hearing nothing but myself talk.

The voice on the other end of the line scoffed before it went dead. I cursed, slamming my fist on the table.

I had no idea who was blackmailing me, I had n idea who I was working underneath anymore in the triad. All I know is he is as powerful as Uncle Lee, if not even more. I've never met him, and he's never told me his name but he exists. People call him Noir since there's no other name to call him by. He's just a mysterious dead end, a black hole if anyone will. Rumors go around that says he's a pretty religious guy, carrying a bible around with him or some crap like that.

Whoever he was, wasn't making my life any easier.

I'm losing everything. I've been funding shit here and there for the triad, as a red pole leader I gotta contribute. The illegal dealings aren't enough if we wanted to expand and that is exactly what we were doing.

I opposed it but Uncle Sooman pushed for it to happen. Noir pushed for it too, selling me empty threats and promises of freedom that Uncle Sooman couldn't give me. I was so desperate so I funded the weapon deal then it escalated into more funding to the point where they expect me to pay for all of this shit.

I was too deep into this. I was funding crime for innocent lives to be ended.

I couldn't leave now, fuck no.

What helped me along this was the reminder of Jonghyun. I checked everyday if Jonghyun's family was doing okay. There hasn't been a sign of anything or anyone coming after them so I was doing my job.

I feel in debt to him, I need to protect his family too. It's the least I can do when it was my fault he passed away. My guilt will always be there.

My room was filled with the TV's loud speaking playing a story about today's drive by shooting at a restaurant, something about how my triad was at the scene.

I wasn't directly involved with it so it didn't really concern me.

"Taeyeon." I heard Fany's voice. I turned around, seeing how her eyes were glistening and somehow red. I wanted to grab her and hold her, feeling guilty as ever seeing her state.

She walked over to me, placing a pink business card on top of my agenda.

"Who is she? Where were you that night?" I heard her soft quivering voice but I didn't dare look. One glance and I'd probably be in a puddle of sadness.

I picked it up, immediately recognizing what it was. Fuck it looked so bad, dear god. Seolhyun, she was in the female escort business. Catering to high profiled clients, she didn't happen to have a piece of paper and needed to give me her phone number so she just gave me her card.

Didn't help that she wrote a message that Fany could easily misinterpret it.

I was done fighting with Fany, I didn't ant to yell at her anymore. I did that a few hours ago, and I felt so guilty when she told me she had enough. She said it so softly, she didn't raise her voice and it pained me.

"I'm not cheating on you." I said as quickly as I could. Whatever she was thinking, I didn't do it.

"Don't take this the wrong way I know this looks so fucking bad but I'm not cheating on you I swear. You can call this number, her name's Seolhyun. She was my, friend. . in high school." Fuck, friend? Let's just start off with friend for now. "She's in the whole escort business thing, so she has a card and gave it to me to just keep in touch. I swear, there's nothing going on." I pleaded, looking right into her as she looked at me with such tired eyes. Trust me, please trust me?

I just wanted to cradle her to sleep after everything I had done. I'll admit I was wrong to leave her in the empty room for an hour or two. It was then she told me after about her traumatizing experience and I wish I never did that.

But it was for her own good, I can't risk anyone seeing her. I don't want anyone knowing how she's related to me in anyway, because they'll use her s leverage to get me to do shit. It's always been like that, so I need to keep her safe and I need to keep her away from the public eye. It's for her, and only her.

"Please trust me, I'm not cheating on you." I touched her hand trying to reassure her but it stung to the core when she moved away from me.

"I want to trust you Taeyeon-ah, I really do." She said softly, eyes never ceasing to be wet.

"Then what's the matter?"

"There's other things other than this that you're not telling me and I want to know." She looked away and I hated how she always did that. Just look at me, damn it.

I sighed, feeling the stress pipe up again. I took a deep breath, articulating my words saying it as nicely as I can. I told myself to not be upset, whatever I said I can't be too angry with her. "You know what I do and why I do it. I can't tell you because it's not relevant to you, and it's best if you don't know. Please don't keep asking me that? I feel like you're breathing down my neck."

My cheek was met with a piercing slap to the face. The area started to throb and I snapped my head up, furious. I met her flaming eyes too, the way her chest started to heave and how she clenched her small soft hands.

"Did you not understand anything I said yesterday!" Her voice cracked. I felt like she wanted to hit me again. It's not that I didn't understand it, I just chose not to acknowledge it.

"I want to know what's keeping my significant other out at night with a chance of not coming home! I care abut you and your well being! You slamming desks, pulling your hair out and killing your clients over money is not normal Taeyeon! Why can't you just tell me what's happening with you? I care about you for the hundredth fucking time get it through your thick skull!" I've never heard her yell at me so loudly before. It frightened me a bit, and I stood there glancing down clenching my own fists.

"You were the one who left me in a sealed room with no light on for 2 hours, you did that to someone you said you loved." She said with a quiver, tears streaming down her face. I wanted to wipe those away but my ego, it's too big.

I had to leave, before I say and do something I might regret later. I walked past her, bumping our shoulders and I head the faint sounds of her sniffling. A big part of me anted to go back, hug her, say I was sorry for being such a stupid hard headed egg. The vicious and heartless side of me didn't want anything to do with her anymore, and it overtook me. I walked out.

"You never understood me Taeyeon-ah, Dad is right about you." I heard her say. I slammed the door as it kept ringing in my head over and over again.

Fuck her dad.

It was so bad, her not talking to me for a week after our fight was so bad. It was awkward, having someone in the room who probably hates your guts was the worst feeling in the world. She was never the one to hate, or really give me the cold shoulder. So to me, this was like drastic and I hated it. But I was too stubborn. Way too stubborn. Not a peep from her and it changed my entire week. I was itching for her to talk to me.

Our routines never changed. She still woke up, got my clothes ready, packed my briefcase, made me my cup of joe and my favourite toast. When I came home she'd pick up my jacket I always carelessly leave at the front of the door, warm up my dinner, before going to bed early. What was off putting was the fact that I still cuddled her to sleep, I often spooned her or had her in my arms and she didn't protest. She never moved away, yet welcomed it like we were still a normal couple.

Difference was, she wasn't talking to me. She didn't say a word and what was detrimental was that despite her getting my mornings ready, she never told me good morning. When I came home ,she never greeted me with a 'welcome home', when she needed to talk to me she referred to me as Taeyeon and Taeyeon only, not 'Taetae' or 'Taebear.' The worst was at night, when she didn't tell me goodnight, tell me she loved me or gave me a kiss before sleeping like we always had done for as long as we remembered.

That's what hurt.

She peeked in my room, opening the door and tapping on it once. I glanced up, smiling a bit. She looked so cute when she did that. "Taeyeon, we're having like a mini reunion at a cabin and my friends want to see you. Do you want to come?"

"Yes." I replied a bit too abrupt. She talked to me, Fany said a full sentence to me other than 1 or 2 word answers.

God it made my heart go lub, and then dub.

She helped me pack my suitcase and I stood beside her dumbfounded. I'm so clueless that it's ridiculously stupid.

Before she could pack her own things I kissed her cheek, taking her by surprise but she had such unreadable eyes that I didn't know what to make out of it.

Fucking awkward that was, sitting in a car driving to her friend Sunny's cabin. It was a small reunion, just close friends but I couldn't help but feel fidgety.

Last time I met her friend they threatened to knock me out. I know they already hate me from the start. I wouldn't have went, but since we fought and I was so desperate to have Fany talk to me I went.

I mean when we got there she sprinted out of the car and practically body slammed herself in her group of friends. I quietly rolled out luggage out of the car like an obedient butler.

"Taeyeon-ah!" I heard her loud voice and cringed. Please don't introduce me, I'm anti social and I hate people.

I walked towards her, seeing the sea of eyes practically throw knives at me. I wiped my clammy hands on my trousers, feeling her link arms with me.

"This is Taeyeon, my boyfriend."

". . ."

"Hi." I said, waving a bit.

"Taeyeon this is Sunny, Jessi, and you know Soo." Fany pointed out. Sunny was fucking small, she's lowkey a midget but at least she waved back.

On the other hand Jessi looked like she wanted to kill me, she looked like a really badass scary mafia wife leader and by the glares thrown at me I now think Sooyoung's nicer.

"He looks shorter in person." Sunny said and now I hate her.

Jessi clicked her tongue and she had one of those resting bitch faces and the look of judgment. "He looks exactly like how you described him to be Fany." Oh no, that could mean anything.

"An asshole?" Sooyoung muttered and they both laughed out loud. I caught that and it made me feel like poops.

Fany giggled. "Be nice, Taeyeon's a little sensitive." Fany then let go of my arm and I felt like a small bunny in a circle of hungry, hungry wolves.

"You were right, he does look the type of person you wanna punch 20 times every hour." Jessi was ruthless she held nothing back and on top of that she even looked at her nails while saying that to me.

"Shh, he's sensitive." Sooyoung reminded.

My face the entire time was just a really sad bear. Like a super sad bear, a sad bear with a frown.

:c Like that.

I stayed in the cabin room all day, hearing the girls just laugh and converse with each other. At one point I heard the words, kinky, dick, eggplant, dildo, rainbows, puppies, and pop tart in one sentence. I think, I don't know. They're whack.

I sighed, playing my game on my phone. I thought maybe this trip would release the awkward tension between me and Fany but I kind of just stayed cooped up in here.

I heard a scream and walked out the door, peeking through the stair railings to see Fany run up to some man.

"I love you!" She beamed with eyesmiles.

What the fuck.

A little more staring at them from the top of the stairs I learned the guy was Sooyoung's boyfriend. Some famous actor Fany really loves, her idol. Some crap like that, whatever. As soon as I heard, Sooyoung and the word 'boyfriend' I sighed a breath of relief.

If it wasn't bad enough, within the next 10 minutes I heard the front door being opened and a herd of grown adults feet pads towards it.

"Siwon's here!" Man, that name sounded so fucking familiar.

I walked downstairs, curious to see the guy. Never heard of him, I wonder who's boyfriend this guy belonged to.

I peeked from a shrub, seeing everyone hug him and all that crap but what irked me was how Fany seemed to hug him a little longer, eyes lingering too. I heard them whisper into each others ear and the banana in my hand started to feel mushy.

"Didn't know you were coming." Fany said, side hugging him while taking his luggage in as he took of his shoes.

He laughed. "Well you were coming, so I just had to see my favourite." Her, his favourite. He's on my hit list. I stomped to my room, slamming it shut. I hope everyone heard that.

I holed myself up in the room while everyone else was having the time of their life downstairs. It's not like I knew them, I hated people and they hated me. I was never really good at interacting with people anyways, and Fany was the complete opposite so she got along with people well.

If it was my choice, I'd sit at home, eat icecream, jellies, lounge in my underwear play a bunch of games. Fany wouldn't let me have that so she'd always drag me out of the house every once in a while.

Even so, she'd come into the room every once in awhile and I'd stare at her, dropping my console on the floor as she moved about the room. Every cell in my body itched to talk to her.

Then she'd leave and I was at square one in my coward state.

At least she called me down for dinner.

I sat in between Fany and Sunny. She was the least threatening out of all and plus, Kyung was all mushy gushy with Sooyoung and I can't be bro's with someone who is whipped as fuck.

I ate in silence, a bit uncomfortable and my hands got clammy. Fany would put food on my plate for me, it was almost like a routine for her? Like in a way, she took care of me without talking, she did t without thinking. I felt guilty, we still haven't talked yet she took care of me so well.

My chopstick skills were lacking , because my hand was shaking but nonetheless I picked up her favourite grilled eel and placed it in her bowl. I eyed her side profile and waited for her reaction, I was treading lightly, tip toeing around her because I was so scared of doing anything that'll make her upset with me.

She had a small silent smile and glanced over to me, that was so reassuring to me and I gulped the lump in the throat and looked away, shoving rice into my mouth.

"Wow, you a little nervous Taeyeon? Why are you eating so fast?" I looked up to see Siwon amused with me and I remember how Fany hugged him, how he greeted him and they were talking the entire night. I mean, I know it's a reunion but still. If anything I'd walk across this dining table and punch the fuck out of him.

Jessi laughed along, looking at me with amusement too. I felt humiliated. At least Sunny and Sooyoung just ate without saying anything.

"He's just hungry. He's like a little bear when he is." Fany said. Oh man, my heart started to beat. She called me little bear.

"Taetae's just a little shy." Fany continued when no one reacted to it.

Siwon laughed. "Antisocial?" He teased. It got the entire table erupting in laughter. I guess the alcohol can make people a bit more happier than usual.

I guess after a few moments they started talking about none sense. Of course I didn't fit in. they talked about how they were back in high school. Although the stories of a popular, kind hearted nerd Fany amused me. Heard she got a damn line boys lining up for her too.

"So, a couple of days I found out my boyfriend cheated on me. I ripped all his designer shoes and threw his game console out." Jessi started to explain the story and I started to sweat. The word cheating always got me feeling like shit.

I stayed so quiet, looking at my bowl of rice. I glanced over to see Fany and she did the same too, absentmindedly poking at her food too.

"Who here has been a victim of cheating, raise your mother fucking hands up." Jessi said, looking like some revolutionary leader. I looked at Fany, waiting to see if she did.

Not even a muscle moved, but I knew that look. She was thinking, she'd uncomfortable too. I saw how Sooyoung looked at the both of us, it was kind of disappointment. She knew I cheated on her.

It's not anyone's business and I don't want Fany to answer the question.

"It hurts, right? Being lied to by someone you care about?" Fany whispered. The table heard it, they all heard it. I nudged Fany's leg under the table pleading for her to stop.

Yet she had every right to tell people what I did, I deserved her heart jabbing remark.

"I couldn't stand being in the same room as a cheater, it would make me sick. I hate how I won't be able to trust that person anymore. It's a constant interrogation, 'where were you' or 'who was she?" She muttered again. It's been a long time since I've heard such gut churning words, and it made my eyes start to have pressure, wanting to tear up.

I placed my chopsticks on the table, muttered a goodnight and went upstairs.

I heard the quiet murmurs of the table, but I laid my eyes on my love sitting there with her head down. Sooyoung took my place.

I had a smoke outside the house, kicking rocks around. Sunny's cabin was pretty nice, I heard a lot of cicada's though and it pissed me off. The sounds were annoying, but it didn't annoy me enough to come back into the house where I was practically unwelcome there.

I couldn't stop thinking about it. I've hurt her so much. I didn't think she'd be the one to throw shade or hold a grudge like that. She has every right to, but I still didn't expect it to come from my happy virus.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I threw my cigarette on the ground, putting it out with my heel. I looked behind me, checking out of habit.

Keymaster: a major key to success is to have a drink with the country's #1 rifleman.

I chuckled, rolling my eyes. Totally forgot about the nickname I saved for the guy.

A call to the club, I missed him. Since Jonghyun was gone, a lot more of the gush ave been coming back reconciling our friendships. It's been smooth, but I can never forget Jonghyun. I still carry that gold plated knife around with his initials.

One, because it was flashy and it t was nice to show off.

Two, it was an honor to him. I had no other keepsakes from him, just memories.

I walked back into the cabin, ignoring everyone's call me for me to play some bogus board game. I went straight to the room, finding small piglet along our luggage.

I swallowed the guilt I had and shook out the still stinging words she had said indirectly about cheating.

"Fany? I need to go take care of something. It won't be long though. I'll be back tonight. 1 AM maybe?" I said, poking her on the back.

She hummed and continued to look in the mirror, bringing clothes up to her body.

Call me crazy and stupid paranoid but she was never that obsessed with what she was wearing unless she was going out with me.

Who the hell was she gonna impress in her group of friends, it's all a bunch of girls. Unless it's that Kang guy, or Siwon.

I opened my mouth to say something but when our eyes met in the mirror I quickly waved a bye and darted out the room.

No thanks, a Fany not really talking to me but is still nice to me felt hella weird.

I was excited as hell to leave that cabin. The only person nice to me was Kang guy and Sunny.

Sunny was real nice, teases me a lot but she plays games too, she eats a bunch of snacks and has likes cat that looks like a hairless rat.

A lil midget but she's cool.

I parked inside my reserved spot, getting out of the car and opening the back door.

I slipped in, seeing how tonight was pretty packed. I sat on the barstool, recognizing the man beside me about to throw my car keys at him as a joke.

"The fuck are you wearing." I muttered, ordering a drink.

He snapped his head towards me fiercely. "The fuck are you wearing?" He flipped my cap back, arguing how I wore too much black. Apparently black on black is a fashion no-no.

"What do you mean what the fuck am I wearing? It's called street wear and it's normal." I defended, looking at myself.

"I'm wearing the latest fashion, so kiss my ass Kim." Key said, brushing his shoulder and shoving my own.

I laughed, almost forgetting how this 90 boy band dressed looking fool was probably the best riflemen in the country.

"So how long you staying?"

"Longer than I should. Where the fucks my welcome home party?"

"Shit. Here, have an olive." I chucked that green shit to him as compensation and he smacked it out of the air, making it land somewhere in another person's drink.

"You gotta brief me with everything man, didn't expect you to come back to the triad."

"Wasn't planning on it."

"Got a new girl?"

"Yeah."

"She's pretty, I've seen pictures."

"She knows of you, she tried to call you once to get you to kill Juniel who grabbed my dick."

"Let me guess, you stopped her?"

"You haven't missed a shot in your life, plus I can't have my girl orchestrating a murder in her books."

"Pussy, should've let me done it. Anything for a future Mrs. Kim." He said, wiggling his brows.

"You're sitting in a pretty high bar stool right now. It would be a shame if something were to. . . happen to it."

"Bitch, shut your trap. Have you met Seolhyun yet? Heard from people she came back here."

"Yeah, back in the marketplace where we used to steal fish cakes from Mr. Park?"

"Dude, those are so good." He groaned, patting his stomach.

"I know man, I know. But have you met her yet?"

"Yeah, saw her tonight. She's matured well, hot as fuck now." I nodded my head, I gotta admit she was.

A bit of awkward silence but it wasn't nearly as bad as Fany's. I guess when your friends been gone for too long you don't know what to talk about. "You know Noir?" I cautiously asked.

"Big boss? Nah, no ones actually seen him. Heard he's a real religious man though." He laughed, playing with his fries making a smiley face with ketchup. Guess he never grew up either.

"He's watching me." I mumbled. Key's brows shot up, nodding off silently.

He places his plate of fries down, patting his hands clean. "I gotta go, nature calls for me to hunt the latest victim in my high sense of fashion."

I deadpanned, dude looked like he was wearing a fucking cape.

"Hey, you're staying right?" I said, looking forward as he got up from his seat.

"For your skinny ass? Yeah, I got your back for awhile." He said, winking as he walked out of the club, smacking a few people's asses as he did.

"Call me if you need fashion advice Kim! Keymaster is out!" He hollered, hands in the sky while he threw up a piece sign. His exits were always as grand as his entrance's.

I smiled, shaking my head.

I had a couple of swigs of bitter alcohol, staring into the rack of bottles on the shelves.

I felt a small touch on my back and I slowly turned around, seeing Seolhyun sit beside me.

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Is it your turn to entertain me now since Key strutted out of here with my grandmas curtain?"

"It's called fashion, get with the program Toopy."

I chuckled, shaking my head. "Didn't know you still went to clubs." I said, side eyeing her attire. Wasn't anything great. Just a simple dress that's all.

"I don't, just wanted to see you." I perked up, taken back from that.

"Did you see Key on your way in?" She shook her head. I ordered a drink for her, out of courtesy.

We carried a light conversation, carrying on more thoroughly about catching up with the past. I enjoyed her company, we weren't enemies, not awkward ex couple.

We've grown well, matured and no longer just blinded hefty teens.

"Can I ask you something?" She said, looking behind her. I did too, wondering what she was looking at.

"If it involves the way I dress than I don't wanna hear it." I chuckled, seeing her smile along.

"No, you dress fine. Didn't know you could look so good on streetwear, reminds me of high school days. I'm still not used to your business suits."

"Thanks for the compliment Binoo. Makes me feel good about myself since I'm pushing 30."

"Wait, so you're not 30?"

"Go away." I muttered, feeling self conscious about my aging self.

"You don't look a day over 30."

"Not helping you annoying cat. Didn't you have a question? Hit me, I'm ready. Not physically hit me but I'm all ears for your question, I think."

"After all these years you're still a fucking blabber." She giggled, turning her body to face me and I guess that it was a sign it was a serious question.

"Shoot, Binoo."

"Why'd you leave after you graduated?" She asked, eyes locking with mine.

I didn't answer her. I don't know what I left her behind but I guess it's a trend that always happens in my lifetime.

I was uncomfortable, and I made a decisive decision to not answer that question.

We just stared at each other a little longer and I knew exactly that look she had in her eyes. It made me feel guilt, she was upset. Same look as when we had a fight before I just walked out and never returned to her.

She placed the cocktail on the bar table. The sad look of a neglected kitten went away as fast as that. Then another side of her that I knew very well became the dominant one and it was the mysterious seductive Seolhyun side.

"Let's play the game my muscle bound mouse." She purred, her soft hand grazing my rough ones.

"What game?"

"You'll remember." She said, placing cash on the table before lifting up her cocktail again.

I placed a hand over it, eyeing her to put it down. She slowly placed it back down, tilting her head to the side a bit.

She looked so, pretty. She always had been, I enjoyed that about her.

She stood up, placing a kiss on my neck, trailing her lips up to to my ear and I shut my eyes briefly. "Parking lot, Toopy." She whispered, fingers rubbing my inner thigh before she walked away. The eyes of men darted to her backside, fucking drooling.

I threw some cash on the counter, putting on my jacket and walking towards the back exit, pushing the door open and stepping onto the wet concrete.

Her figure stood at the end of a building, she shouldered her purse and turned hr back again. Walking forward.

The game, the damn game. I had some stupid smile on my face or whatever. The game was fun, I remembered myself and Seolhyun playing it so much.

Toopy and Binoo, the name was gave ourselves 10 years ago. It was off some stupid cartoon. I was Toopy, a mouse and she was Binoo my sidekick kitten.

She would go around the back alleys of the places we were planning to stay during the summer nights we were together. It was always random, exciting but she'd walk herself far form me. I had to pace myself, I wasn't allowed to run. I'd listen to her humming, to her little laughs, her excitement and clues to find her. We felt a bit of danger being separated in a labyrinth of passages. Much like to a maze. The game stopped when she hit a dead end, when she could no longer go further and call my name to get me to come fetch her.

The thrill was there, I was the mouse and she was the cat who stole my cheese. When I found her it was like a treat, it's like I reclaimed my partner in crime back. I still remembered her calling my nickname every time we I found her cutely. She's always beg me to piggy back her back to the place we were staying, and I complied. I wasn't the one to always give her what she wanted, but every time we played the game I did.

Back in school, Seolhyun always followed me when I did stupid shit, be it robbing petty convenience stores, slashing the cars of tires or riding on the back of a motorcycle we stole off the side of the curb.

We spent our days together in detention, skipping classes to go to the beach with a beer in hand. I'd sneak into her room at night, climbing up her balcony railing and slipping beneath the covers for a quick fuck, maybe some kisses here and there. I was her first, be it her first drink, her first smoke and her first lover. I took her virginity. I wish it hadn't been that way, but she was persistent to stay with me.

She was my Toopy, my kitten who went through my entire senior year with me. The start of my crimes. She was there, she understood me, but I couldn't return any feelings to her.

To me, she was just there . She was convenient. It was nice having a companion beside me when all I ever did was beat the shit out of people with a lead pipe, steal cigars in the gas station and plug a few toilets just for the fun of it.

It wasn't love. I didn't have a care for her personally. So when she left, I shrugged it off. Had it hurt? Slightly. She walked out, and I never really saw her again. I don't even remember how I met her in the first place.

The sound of a police siren and a couple of car honks brought me back. No more dreams, I was in between a couple of walls, looking straight down. I'm playing the game.

I looked to the left, and then the right before walking forwards. My hands in my pocket dug deeper into them, pulling my cap forward.

I stared at that slim a good couple of feet in front of me, her back figure kept getting smaller so I increased my pace to follow. My instincts started to hype, I was more alert than usual. I touched the side of my waist, feeling the cold rigid barrel through the material of my trousers.

I gulped, beads of sweat starting to form as my feet quickened to catch up. She turned a corner, and muttered a curse under my breath. I could see my breath in the cold air before it started to disappear.

I heard a couple of giggles and in this alleyway between buildings and their backdoors of course it'll echo. No doubt. Everything was poorly lit, but it was inconsistent. Some had a blue hue to it, some of the walls had a green one lit from the bright signs surrounding the area.

The street lamps out on the roads even gave it light, but it was such a dingy yellow. The place smelt like piss, and that fresh concrete smell after it rained. Had a hint of dim sum too.

I checked behind me before turning the left, seeing he bright neon club sign in the distance, a few cars drew by and I felt goose bumps forming.

The sounds of high heels clicking against the pavement drew me closer and I walked along the wall, peering my head cautiously in nooks and crannies, making sure my own steps weren't as loud. I heard the buzzing of light above me, crunching of newspaper underneath me and maybe a gush of wind hit me.

The sound stopped. The eerie laugh, the feminine walk and her shoes ceased.

I cut a corner, stopping in my tracks when I saw that familiar back again. She looked so good, that dress molded to her curves and she took off the clip that held her hair up, letting it fall below her shoulders.

I cleared my throat, hands getting a bit sweaty.

She turned around, and had a seductive smirk on her face. I walked closer, getting a bit too drawn by it.

"Binoo." I muttered the nickname I gave her 10 years ago.

She picked up a piece of paper, sweeping her hair to the side before walking away from me.

She did t again, she walked down another alleyway and I had no idea why I was following her yet I didn't know why I wasn't chasing her down.

I was playing the game again and it excited me but that was 10 years ago.

I sprinted down the alleyway when the image of her figure got too small, knocking over a crate and a couple of boxes that got in my way but I she felt, mysterious.

The set of buildings that were back to back against each other created a fucking maze of alley's, each one having a distinct sound of the environment, from water dripping to the sound f scraping, maybe even a pipe bursting.

I followed her, calling her name quietly.

When she turned to the right this time, looking at me one more time with a smile. The piece of paper flew through her fingers, drifting and tumbling down on the pavement like a feather. I turned her corner, and eyed the paper, picking it up and crumpling it up in my palm. There wasn't anytime to read it, I needed to talk to her. I wanted to know what the hell she was doing at fucking 2 in the morning making me do a wild goose chase for her.

I glanced up and she was gone like that. But the high pitched blood curdling scream that resonated against the buildings had my heart racing.

Fuck.

I had no idea where it came form, it could be anywhere close, it could've been behind me, the left or right pathways or even straight ahead. It echoed too much, I couldn't pin point it.

I wouldn't know if it was her scream or not but I had this gut feeling and whatever it did it moved me. I ran, ran so fast like a life depended on it. And maybe it did, maybe it didn't. These walls became so familiar, that scream for help was too.

It started to become flush in my mind. This exact scenario, was how I met Fany in the first place. Or at least got to see her the second time, and got closer to her. I shook the unsettling images of her slouching against that red brick wall, passing out as I remember I threw the guy off her or something. I brought her up and then we went from there.

I smiled, remembering how Fany must be watching her reality show on TV, applying a face mask on and having a bowl of chips beside her while she chatted on the phone and maybe did her nails. It was a Friday night, she probably did just that.

Double the footsteps, they weren't mine, My smile dropped. I needed to find Seolhyun. I want a damn explanation and nothings going to stop me. I reached for my pistol tucked between the belt of my waist. Hand on it as I stopped in place. I held the handle, finger on the trigger. Not a single breath I had exhaled, and not another step I took. Another step clicked and I turned around, seeing no one.

"Stupid." The voice rumbled and I felt a pang on the back of my head, knocking me out straight on the floor and before I could lay there drifting into unconsciousness I felt the material being wrapped around my head. Hands were being bound and I couldn't even fight it off, the back of my head felt like it was swelling and it fucking hurt.

First thing I did when I gained consciousness was pat my pockets, checking my hands and legs all over. Nothing, in sight. I'm fine. Not a scratch besides the throbbing pain on the back of my head and a slight pinch in my wrist.

I thumbed my right wrist, feeling the square bony bump. Huh.

I was propped up against a wooden pillar with sand digging into my shoes. I groaned, throwing my head back and feeling it.

I shook off the feeling, sitting up straight while looking around me.

A piece of paper drifted off my lap and landed on the sand. I picked it up, turning it over to see nothing but the words 'Amore' - Noir.

I stuck it in my pants pocket, patting myself once more checking over my attire, pulling up my shirt to see if I had at least a bruise or something.

My heart was beating fast, hands sweaty and my forehead starting to perspire. Noir got to me. I don't think anything happened to me, but he was Noir. He could've done anything to me, he was there where I was playing the game with Seolhyun.

I had no idea where she was. I don't even know if she was okay.

My hands were free, so were my feet. I wasn't bound by any means but the first instinct I had was to place a hand on my gun. I patted my right waist, feeling nothing but the leather belt. Fuck.

I dug for the phone in my break pocket, taking it out seeing a couple of missed calls from a few clients. No one special. But then I saw the call from Seolhyun and a text. Maybe she was safe, but I needed to check.

The first person I dialed was Seolhyun.

First ring, second ring and then by the third I was getting anxious.

"I want to see you, again." I said as the answering machine went off.

I was shaken by Noir. He's watching me, he has to be. Right?

I rushed up to the docks, running along the boardwalk. I got onto the streets, waving down a taxi anxious and impatient. I threw whatever cash I had to the taxi driver telling him to go as fast as he can to Hyung's place.

I barged in his door, seeing him his mother on the couch eating some fruits and watching dome K-dramas.

"Hyung." I panted, chest heaving.

He stood up placing his fork down as he walked past me. Heechul never looked so pissed in his life.

I followed him quickly, as he lit up a cigarette. I handed him the piece of paper given to me by Noir.

"I-I was with Seolhyun. We played the game again and then I couldn't find her. Next thing I knew I was out cold by the docks downtown."

"Noir gave you this?" He said, flicking the piece of paper in between his fingers.

"Y-Yeah. Where's Seolhyun?"

"I dropped her half an hour ago at work. She didn't mention anything about you, but she did seem shaken up." He had his cigar sticking out of his mouth. Any moment and it'd fall off and burn his foot.

"You think Noir got to her?" I asked quietly. I didn't want anyone else to be fucked over by this, by me.

"Nah, you played the fucking game with her at 2 in the morning dumbass. You couldn't find her, imagine how long she stood there while you were out cold. She's probably scared or spooked." He threw his cigarette out, taking a picture of the paper before giving it back to me.

"Did she say anything about me?"

Heechul stuck his hands in his pocket, walking closer to lean on the railing of his balcony. "No, she was pretty quiet. She ran to em and hugged me though when I came to pick her up."

I ran my hands through my hair, pulling on it slightly. I had no idea what to do, and the only thing I knew best was to wreck havoc. "I need leverage on Noir, I can't keep this up. H-He's watching, he's getting closer to me and I feel like he's going to kill me off. I'm losing so much money because of him I'm on the brink of bankruptcy." I rambled on and on to the point where my throat was dry.

"Taeyeon."

"I need your help, you know the guy from the docks? He's seen Noir head onto the boat. Apparently he has a boat house off the shore of Aberdeen Island."

"Taeyeon."

"Let me call Key and maybe Minho. They probably have more information about them then us."

"Taeyeon, we shouldn't."

"What the fuck do you mean we shouldn't? Are you gonna let us be sitting ducks while he goes fucking knocking me out and leaving stupid ass notes? While he goes draining my bank account till it's as dry as my balls? It's going to be a matter of time before he kills one of us or even worse he starts pulling on Fany again-"

The full force of his fist blundered my face.

I cupped my nose, backing up from pissed off Heechul.

"Listen! Do you ever fucking listen!" He shook me, grabbing the collars of my shirt.

"Dude." I hissed, feeling the liquid coat my palm. God.

He threw my burner phone on the ground and broke it to pieces in between his heel. "Just because you took over Jonghyun's spot and resumed leadership doesn't mean I'm still your guinea pig."

"W-What? Guinea pig? Hyung, we're doing this for Jonghyun! Who knows what'll happen to them!"

"You live in paranoia. Jonghyun's dead, they won't come after his family. They always have protection and you know hat."

"Have you forgotten what happened when he died? He sister almost got fucking raped! Do you not remember that?! Consider this as extra protection and a debt I owe to Jonghyun."

"No, it's not a debt this is stupid. Once Jonghyun passed you could've left and look where we are now!"

"And leave his family vulnerable? It's not that easy to leave!"

"You did it before! You left! Tell that to Jonghyun! You were the one who left him behind in the first place and ditched the country!"

"Why are toy so fucking defensive, were in this together are we not Hyung?!"

"This isn't even abut Jonghyun anymore you dipshit! Look at you! You're all over Noir, it's literally all you talk about these days! I don't want to fucking be apart of this anymore, I'm tired Taeyeon!" He yelled and I looked away. He's never raised his voice at me before, never this loudly. "I only did helped you for Stephanie. She didn't deserve to be apart of any of this." He trails off.

I shoved him back, getting a bit more defensive when it came to Fany. "What the fuck? Who the fuck is Fany to you? Why do you suddenly care about her? You guys fucking?" I gritted my teeth. They were always too close, talking like they were together. Fucking dick.

"Say it again, say it one more time. Disrespect me again. I'm trying so hard to keep Stephanie in your life, and she's trying so hard to hang on but all you do is fuck up. I've cared about her since she made you a better person." He shoved me by the shoulder and I shoved him back, I couldn't steady myself and ended up getting pushed to the corner of a desk.

"The fuck were you thinking leaving her in a dark room like that huh? that wasn't helping, you weren't keeping her safe! Are you fucking stupid? You got mad at her for telling you to stop killing your body with drugs? You called her annoying and childish for caring? I would've dumped your ass the moment you said such words to her." He continues coming closer to me, shoving me with an intense force repeatedly.

"She's a teacher for fuck sales Taeyeon, she lives a normal life but everything is fucked and I'm not sorry for beating your ass up when she got jumped when Sooyoung came to get a piece of your ass too. I I wish she never took you back. She's the best thing that has happened in your life and you don't even see it." I looked away, his words hitting me left and right.

"No, I see it." It was like he was right and I started to let that sink in.

"Then stop treating her like shit!" He yelled, slapping my face with a forceful hand.

I snapped my head back, hand on my blade getting frustrated and pissed off by the second.

He saw my arm, he saw how I gripped something behind my back and h e twisted it, making me face the railing, pressing my face against it. My arm behind my back in an abnormal position it started to hurt. "Who the fuck did you call first when you woke up?" He hissed.

"Seolhyun." I said through my teeth, trying to loosen his grip.

"Of course. Of all people you fucking call first it had to be your ex. Did you forget you had a girlfriend?! You're planning to marry her Taeyeon! Stephanie's waiting for you!"

No, no she's not. She fucking hates me.

He lets go of me and stands a good distance behind me. He sighed heavily, kicking over a beer can on the floor.

"Look Taeyeon, mother's ill! She has been for a month and a half now! I've spent my days helping you instead of her and without me you'd be dead! I couldn't ignore you because you're a brother to me!"

I didn't say a peep and he scoffed. "Do you remember, it was on the news a couple of days ago?! That fucking restaurant shooting was because of you, my mother was in there and she got pushed over, her head hitting a damn table!"

That restaurant shooting had nothing to do with me, or did it? I don't know anymore. I'm so lost.

Mrs. Kim? His mother is sick? She got hurt because of me? I walked in a few minutes ago, she seemed fine, but then I realized when I came over for dinner, she could barely open a jar of sauce. She had to get Heechul to bring over the pot of soup. She always paused every time she walked, she gripped her back too. "Why didn't you tell me?" I let out the small voice.

"Tell you? Tell you?! I've been trying to for so long! All you see is yourself, and Stephanie but in the wrong way. She's looking out for you, we all are Taeyeon. But you turn a blind eye on us, don't you ever notice your surroundings?"

"All you think about is this, and only this. Get your head wrapped around something normal, go get married have kids. Not fuck around with Stephanie, expecting her to take your stupid ass back in every time you fuck up."

"You only have one family Taeyeon, and right now your family is us and Stephanie. It's no longer Jonghyun, it's no longer anything that has to do with the triad."

"Don't mess with Noir. Figure out the triad shit on your own. I'm no longer your right hand man. Find someone else. I'm done. I got priorities and right now it's mom. Not you."

It hit like a truck, Hyung's word hit me like a damn truck. It left a burning wound inside me.

He walked back in while I saw his figure go to the front door, opening it wide open. Signaling my cue to leave.

I walked into the living room, seeing Mrs. Kim shaking her head. She couldn't even look at me.

I opened my mouth to say something, a 'sorry', a 'get well soon', or 'I'll visit soon.' But I couldn't. She was ill, and I don't know how bad her sickness was and I didn't want to witness another mother figure leave my life again.

I turned around without another word, walking past Heechul and onto the streets again, hailing another taxi.

Like Eunhyuk said, 'everyone that enters your life eventually leaves.' He was right, and even from his grave 6ft under he was damn right.

I wondered if Fany was up, if she was not asleep. Was she waiting for me like Heechul said. I thought so hard, I thought abut how wrong I've done everyone especially Stephanie. I bit my knuckle out of habit, feeling the weight on my shoulder intensify.

I unlocked the door, seeing the living room light being turned on.

It was 3 in the morning and I didn't know who else would be up besides Jessi.

I walked inside, opening the fridge and grabbing a can of soda. I heard the low murmurs of a conversation out in the balcony, but when I heard the quiet giggle I knew exactly who it was.

I turned around, seeing Fany and Siwon talking to each other out in the balcony.

Seems like they were enjoying themselves since they had a drink in their hands.

Every now and then Siwon would crack a joke and Fany would laugh, covering her mouth like she always did and smacking him on the shoulder playfully.

"Thanks for keeping me company."

"Well, I couldn't sleep and you couldn't either do it's a win win."

"I haven't been sleeping well in like two weeks or something."

"Don't worry, I'm practically nocturnal. I'll keep you laughing all night with my swag."

"Don't say that, you're so old. You don't get to say that."

"My swagg-" She covered his mouth with his palm, laughing alongside him.

"Too bad we ended up this way, we could've been the longest lasting couple out of our senior class you know?" They dated?! Fuck that, he's totally on my hit list.

"Things happen."

"By things you mean finding someone else?"

"You know what happened, okay? I'm just glad you were understanding and listened to me." She mumbled. Right, I wasn't any of those.

"I'm glad to say that was my greatest trait." He said so smugly. Fany pushed him by his shoulder playfully, shaking his head.

I place the can of soda on the kitchen counter, walking up the stairs and letting them be. I shut the door quietly. I hoped she would come up soon.

Don't think she even care anymore, and suddenly me being my hypocritical self I missed hr nagging. I missed how she cared to the point where it got on my nerves.

I laid there, sprawled out on the bed waiting for her.

I finally heard the door click about 20 minutes later, she walked in quietly.

I watched as she unzipped her dress, letting it pool down to her feet. She stepped out of it and her smooth milky back was upfront for me to see. I trailed my eyes down her back, the lacy panties and down her honey thighs.

The way she swept her hair to the side, or how her neck looked so kissable it felt like I almost forgot how beautiful she is.

"Fany, I need to talk to you." I said, sitting up from the bed.

She stopped, quickly putting on her nightgown. "Let's sleep it off Taeyeon. I'm tired." She said, back still faced towards me.

"I-It's bothering me, I need to tell you."

She shook her head and turned towards me, walking in a way that I thought was seductive.

She laid on her side of the bed and tucked herself in, leaving me at the foot of the bed alone. She turned off the light and didn't say a word. She had the sheets up to her shoulder and that was a sign that I wasn't allowed to touch her that tonight, let alone cuddle.

I was restless that night. Another pair of guilt eating away at me.

What drew the line between me and her not talking was the following morning I saw her and Siwon sipping on coffee together out on the porch, waiting for the others to cook breakfast.

So she can have a conversation with him but can't talk about our relationship where it's literally sitting on the rocks?

I tapped her back, startling her while Siwon just kept quite, sipping on his coffee. Good.

"Fany. Let's talk."

"What?" She snapped, placing her cup on the table beside her.

I gritted my teeth, hating her fucking attitude. I glanced at the front door and she sighed.

She got up and went out the door, I looked behind me to see if anyone overheard. It was just Siwon who heard us, but it didn't matter. Fuck him, pretty boy looking ass. He looked like some pretentious rich boy, living off his daddy's cash.

I walked outside, seeing her briskly walk away from the house, probably going to the creek and avoid the talk.

"Fany-ah!"

"What!"

"Let's fucking talk! Stop running away for fuck sakes! I hate this!"

"What do you particularly hate about this Taeyeon-ah? Are you tired, do you want out? I can name all the things I hate about this, particularly you." She stopped in the tracks and turned around, her eyes were as mad as mine.

I was baffled. I scoffed, this isn't the time to talk about me wanting out.

I had to blurt something out, so I did. "I hate seeing you with him!" But it was a bad choice of words. I didn't want to talk about this.

"Why he's just a friend! Why are you so jealous all of a sudden?!"

"A friend? He's your fucking ex! Don't think I don't know Fany-ah!"

She shoved my chest and made me thump against the car. "I'm not the type to cheat on someone if that's what you're implying. I'm not like you."

That hurt, that hurt so bad and I felt so guilty. I don't ever want to hear her mention that again, anything with my name and cheating just hurts.

I didn't know what to say. I cheated on her and that will always be a part of me that I can never forgive myself for.

"Taeyeon, that was. ." She looked guilty too but she has no reason to.

"You're right. It's a constant reminder right? Back at that fucking dinner table you just had to take a jab at me." I growled. I instantly regret it because she didn't seem comfortable anymore, not that she was.

"I realize what I did wrong and you have all the reason to put me on blast for cheating but I keep living in that guilt. It's as if you want me to stay in guilt forever, yes?"

She didn't say anything but look away and I knew the answer was indeed yes.

"Get in the car, I wanna talk somewhere private from here." I grabbed her hand and pulled her along but she resisted, pulling the other way her feet dragging along the gravel.

"No, I-I don't."

"I've asked to talk to you so many fucking times and I've had it with you putting me off! Just let me explain my side of the story!"

"W-We can but I don't want to get in the car with you!"

"Why not!"

"Because I don't trust you, who was it that left me in that sewage room for 2 hours alone!"

I shoved her firmly, but not enough to hurt her towards the car, ignoring her pleads.

"Taeyeon!"

"Get, in, the, fucking, car." I growled, hands gripping her wrist. She has another hand trying to pry me off but never did she try to to break out gazes.

"It hurts Taeyeon!" She wailed, her tears finally falling. I let go and she staggered back, tripping over a log and grabbing onto my shirt as she fell down, scraping her other palm that was used to break her fall.

Siwon came running out and before I could register her getting hurt he had already beat me to her.

I saw as he took her small hands into his, inspecting the scraping and cut. She winced as he kept checking up on it.

I stood there, frozen on my feet.

That was supposed to be me, I was supposed to be the one tending to her injuries.

At that point I felt so lost.

Maybe her dad was right. I'm not the one for her.

I pushed her away when she cared, I didn't listen to what she had to say.

As for understanding her? I don't understand her. I don't get her, and that sucks.

These past few days I recall listening onto her conversations when they were describing her ideal type.

I didn't really fit into her 'standards.'

She talked a lot to Siwon and I get why the dated. He is everything I am not.

It killed me knowing that I wasn't the best? I wasn't enough.

So I walked quietly into my car, turning off the engine and shutting the door.

It was quiet, and I got to just reflect and think about what I had just done.

I hurt the one I love and I don't know how to fix myself.

I ran my hands through my hair, wanting to just cry but father always told me that boys don't cry.

It wasn't manly, it made me less of a man and more of a boy. I wasn't supposed to cry because it'll make me seem weak is what he told me.

Then I think back. A man is weak when he walks out on his family, he is weak when he hurts the one he loves physically and emotionally.

Not when he cries.

I'm losing everything right now. I lost her, Jonghyun, Heechul, my business, what else? I wonder what else would be taken away from me tomorrow.

It's so frustrating to the point where I had slammed my hand on the steering wheel. I wanted to slam my head on it.

Maybe I should've left, or had that fruit knife just cut a little bit more to the left I would've bled out.

Maybe if I didn't mess with the triad to begin with and maybe our story would've been different.

I wish I wasn't like this.

My hand hovered about the engine start button. Maybe I should just, go? Yeah.

What I didn't expect was her to sit own in the passenger seat. I didn't even look when she opened the car door. She returned, but she shouldn't have. She could've left me or ran. Or, she's here to tell me that she wants to break up.

She sat down with a huff, her hand bandaged slightly. God, we're a mess.

I was a nervous wreck, this could be it. I fucked up so bad, she's going to leave me and then my life is going to suffer and then I'm going to die a miserable stupid pathetic person.

But I mustered up the strength and gathered my man balls to ask her something I needed to know.

I wiped the sweat off my head and gulped. "Is it too hard Fany?" I whisper.

"What's too hard?"

"Us?"

She shook her head.

"I'm too much, am I?"

She didn't answer. And it kind of hurt.

"Fany? Please answer that question."

"You're too much, but not enough for me to stop us." She said, pulling on the white wrap on her hand. Playing with it absentmindedly.

"You're too good to me." I truthfully said. I looked over and saw her shake her head slightly. Please don't deny it?

When she had glistening eyes my heart felt constricted. I didn't mean to hurt her like this yet I always do and I don't know how to fix it.

"I'm so sorry for being the dumbest person alive. I'm sorry for being stubborn, for not listening for pushing you away and for not even understanding your thoughts or feelings."

"I know I'm too much, I wasn't right to lock you in the room because I thought in my eyes I was helping you. But no, it wasn't."

"I'm stubborn, I'm insensitive and I'm selfish to the point where I deprive you of happiness. I'm sorry, I don't deserve you, but I need you. I can't do without anyone else."

I want us, and I don't want to mess up again. I've had too many chances.

"Fany? I will change, I will become someone you will be proud of introducing me to your friends. I promise you this, because I know if I don't then change sooner or later I'll lose you. I already had you slipping away."

"Heechul says you've changed me? Made me someone better. I know for sure that you take care of me really well, you care so much about me but yet I-I." I couldn't finish my sentence it was so bad. I wanted to explain myself but I couldn't.

"I know I have to rebuild trust again. I get that, but is there something you want me to stop doing as of right now?" I asked, I'll explain what I have to say through actions then. I never was good with words.

There was a moment of silence, and she kept touching her promise ring. Whatever she was thinking, I was hoping she wouldn't take it off. "Stop the triad activities. That's all I want. It's consuming you and that's the only thing that's changing you to someone I don't know." She said.

That's it. That's all she wants? I nodded, placing a hand on hers rubbing the soft skin with my thumb. "I'll stop then." I want out too, and if there needs to be change then I'll comply.

"Really, Taetae?" My heart beat rapidly, that nickname she finally said it.

She finally called me that and I smiled small.

"Everything involving the triad will stop. I'll find a way to end it and take care of it without leaving your side."

"No more late night outings?" She said, eyes lit up.

"No more." I promised.

"Will you tell me everything that's on your mind then? Whether it be you hunting men around me out of jealously or something's that's bothering you? No more secrets Taetae?"

"I will, I'll do it I'll start today." I said firmly. I loved the look of her face when she was happy, because right now she was. It was contagious, so I smiled with her. The weight on my back? Gone in an instant.

She straddled my lap and her face was so close to mine. She had a soft smile, she was Soft Hwang. I felt her soft pair of lips touch mine, her palm rubbing my cheek.

We kissed so passionately, so eager and hungry for each other. I missed it.

I pulled away breathlessly, cupping her cheek. She had that look, her shy blush look that was always so cute to me. I couldn't help but smile against her skin, giving her a kiss there.

"I love you, and I'd do anything for you."

She hummed, stroking the back of my head. "I never stopped loving you if that is what you're afraid of. No matter how upset I am, I can't stop loving my little bear." I nuzzled my face into her neck as a response.

"I missed you, I missed you so much Fany. I'm so sorry."

"Mm. I've already forgiven you."

"You did?" I leaned back, skeptical. That was too fast? Then again she took me back too fast. Her week of cold shoulder already made me run around like a headless chicken I had no idea what I was doing in my daily routines when she was ignoring my stupid ass.

"You just don't know, but I did."

I almost had a victory dance in my spot, but I knew I still had to be careful around her.

We kissed some more, my hands caressing her skin. Over the curve of her waist, down to her honey thighs.

"Did you, look for other options?" I said, slightly pulling away.

"What do you mean?" She said, in between our kisses. It grew more frantic and it was harder to talk when she had her lips on mine.

"Were you looking for a replacement? Did you think about leaving me then?"

She pulled away with a clear frown on her face.

"I can't stop thinking about it when yo were all over Kyung, especially Siwon. I know you guys dated, I heard you guys."

Her brows furrowed, her hand letting go of my arm. That frown never seemed to cease.

I chuckled, rubbing her forehead getting rid of those ever growing creases.

"I'm just a little jealous, and maybe scared. I fucked up, okay? I realize that. You could've left any time during the period we weren't talking. Who knows, maybe you could've been with someone else by now."

"I'm not going to throw what we went through over something like this. I almost lost you. It's not going to happen and I won't let it happen without a fight Taeyeon."

Damn. Serious Hwang.

"I want you. I like you Taetae, you're enough for me. Please don't be insecure, my ex's have nothing on you." Really? It seems like they have so much more than me.

I sighed, putting my hands up in defeat. "I'm sorry, I won't bring up emo topics again." She punched my shoulder and I kissed her lips cheekily.

I reached over to the glove compartment, grabbing a bunch of folded coins and placing them on her lap.

She ran her hands over them gently.

"I told you when things got too bad you can open them and read it. The ones I gave you now are for the two weeks I had penned but didn't give to you. I think you should read it now. You're upset, sad and it's getting awful. So read it, and maybe it'll remind you of why we're together in the first place."

Please hold on, don't quit?

She looked up, placing the coins on the seat beside her. Her arms started to loop around my neck, forehead pressed against mine.

"Day 76. Taeyeon, I still want it, us." She said softly. Her beautiful lips curving up to a smile.

"Then at 90 days?"

"We'll talk about it then. But for now I want you to hold me." She cuddled close to me and I wrapped my arm around her waist.

She tucked herself under my chin and I felt her warmth wrap around me.

I couldn't stop thinking about what would happen. We hit that mark and then what?

Do I get to propose to her like I originally thought of or is she going to dump my ass because she can't see a future living like this.

I don't blame her if she left. Not at all, but I don't think I can take another leave from her.

So I tightened my hold on her, pressing her close that night. I fear losing her.

I told her about Noir, about Heechul getting pissed at me. I told her about my business going down hill.

In all of that she stayed quiet. She wasn't impressed, disappointed really and it sucked. Having someone who is close to you and whom you love be disappointed in you was the worst feeling in the world.

I even told her about Seolhyun. It's safe to say she doesn't necessarily view her as a threat, but I knew she was worried and a bit paranoid about it. I told her she didn't have anything to worry about.

While she was sitting on my lap listening to everything I hid within myself, at the end of it she caressed my cheek. Giving me pecks here and there as a reward.

She wasn't happy with what I had done in the past month or so, but she was grateful.

Because I told her about it, I didn't keep it holed up in my mind. It was a start to me changing, and she couldn't be happier with me right now.

"No matter what happens, we go forward okay? No more gangs, violence or blackmails. Just us, okay?" She pulled my knife out of my back pocket, placing it on the passenger seat.

I want to keep this up, I want her to know that I mean business. This isn't just some 1 day stunt to get her to stay for a bit longer. I was this to be a lifelong goal of mine because I want her to stay forever.

I will change, I will act better.


	27. All Night

**Kim Taeyeon**

"Taetae." She mumbled, rubbing my knuckles with her finger. That little call, she always wants something whenever she did use that voice.

"Hm?"

She glanced up and kissed my cheek, then my jawline before giving it a few licks and nibbles there.

I stayed still, letting her do whatever she wanted with me but when I felt her pull at the side of my head to meet her gaze she had a playful grin.

"Make up, sex Taetae?" She barely asked. She looked so embarassed and I couldn't help but chuckle. She pinched my side, a bit distressed.

Well, fuck yeah we're gonna end this night with some make up sex.

"Right now?" She nodded shyly and it was cute, very cute. But the fact that we're still in a car with her on my lap made it twice as exciting.

She got off my lap and went to the back, grabbing me by the collar of my shirt and pulling me to the backseat with her.

"Eager now, are we Ms. Hwang?"

"Shut up Kim." She hissed. She palmed my chest, plucking at my buttons frantically as we had our tongues down each other's throats.

I pulled away, attacking her neck and sucking on it, giving it one long wet lick that got her moaning.

Her hips never did stop grinding on my hard on. Her hands fumbled with my belt buckle, undoing it and unzipping my pants, pulling it down to my mid thigh exposing my briefs.

I hiked her dress up seeing her panties soaked in wetness.

I groaned, loving how she pushed her cunt to mold the shape of my rigid shaft, gliding back and forth.

My bulge, and the outline of my dick felt like it was soaked and I loved this little lap dance she gave me. Fany grinding up on me with her soft hips made me almost blow my load in my boxer briefs.

My fingers palmed her soft ass cheeks, kneading them to get a pornographic like moan out of her.

I squeezed her soft flesh till it had hand marks on those ass cheeks but when she dry humped particularly hard on one spot I lifted her ass up, making her grab the drivers seat abruptly as I pulled the hem of her panties aside, pushing a single digit in.

"Mm, Taeyeon." She gasped, turning her head back and that lip bite spurred me on.

Everything about Fany was so incredibly hot and she knew she was sexy and that made her fucking attractive.

I curled my finger slowly in her sopping wet cunt, smirking at how teasing can get her so wet.

"Taeyeon, I want you." She purred. "I'm all yours."

"All mine?" I asked, pumping my lone digit into hers before pulling out and pushing another two in the hot wet cunt causing her to give me another one of her moans.

She bit her lip and pressed her forehead against a seat. "All yours Taeyeon." She said, riding my fingers harder to the point where I felt my own palm getting wet.

Even then she was so tight, grabbing onto my fingers. I couldn't wait anymore and pulled my fingers out.

She pushed her ass out, upset that I stopped pleasuring her.

"Taeyeon, fuck me. Now." She whimpered.

I turned her around and kicked the seat lever down, pushing the driver seat forward.

I showed her my two glistening fingers, and just like that she leaned forward taking my two fingers in her mouth.

Giving it a teasing lick before wrapping her plump limps over them, sucking them hardly giving me a show that got my blood rushing into my dick.

"You're so fucking dirty Fany."

She hummed, letting go of my clean fingers with a pop. I didn't let her even take a break before I pushed her head against my crotch.

I felt her kiss my boxer covered cock, giving it a small lick against the material. It bounced up in response and Fany shot me an amused look.

"It likes you, a lot." I grinned, I grinned a shit eating one and she loved every bit of it.

"Mm, my little Taengo."

"Little Taengo is big Taengo, kiss my cock and suck it well yeah?"

"How big is, big? Baby?" She giggled, stroking my outline lovingly.

"Big enough to make you want more, for you to scream my name every time I fuck you." I growled, leaning back further in my seat, hands behind my head.

"Hm, cute little bear turns into a big bear in bed?"

"Car, we're gonna fuck in a car and I want you right now Fany."

She smirks and frees my cock from its confines and saw my semi hard dick twitch against my stomach. She moaned at the site and I caught her rubbing her still panty clad pussy against my thigh. Leaving a spot of her wetness on me.

"Watch me get hard for you." I whispered, pushing her hair back to see her beautiful face.

Her tongue started to run its length against my shaft, from the base to the tip. Her lips wrapped around it and sucked on it hard, making me grasp the car door.

"Taeyeon, you're so big." She mumbled against my dick, making the vibrations travel along it.

It ached, it hurt so bad I wanted to cum. I pushed her head down on my cock and pressed her against it, deepthroating her till she gagged and slapped my thigh.

I let her go seeing her pull up quickly to catch her breathe but the string of saliva from her mouth and my cock didn't go unnoticed.

She leaned in once again and went down on my cock, I held her head in place while I thrusted my dick in her mouth. Face fucking her and pulling out once in awhile to let her breathe.

My cock was now standing tall, hard and extremely proud for her and she knew it well that she caused this.

I pulled her up, making her sit against my now raging cock.

She groaned, letting out a soft pant as her petite hand grabbed at my cock and stroked it.

I pulled her head away from my shoulder and glanced at my hard dick leaking precum just from a simple touch.

I turned her around and left a kiss on her exposed shoulder blade.

"Hold onto the drivers headrest, or I won't be responsible for any injuries." I asked, flipping her around once again.

Fuck this view was so good, I ran my hand against the plane of her back. Smooth silky skin, all mine.

She giggled, slapping my side playfully.

I pulled off her shirt and leggings. Leaving my baby girl just in her bra and underwear.

If I had a penny for every lacy panties or bra she owned I'd be stinkin rich.

I licked my lips out of habit, seeing how she stuck her fat ass out for me as a tease.

I unclasped her bra, and threw it in the front. I pulled down her panties too, seeing the ever wet patch on it.

"Can I? Baby?"

"Mm, y-yes, do me."

I slid my tip against her slick folds, feeling her gasp when I split the entrance of her cunt as I eased my tip in.

I stayed still, pinching her nipples till they turned erect, stiff and got her groaning.

My other hand went down to play with her wet folds, fingers riding up to her engorged clit, flicking it and rubbing it in circles just the way she like sit. "Tae-Taeyeon-ah, h-harder."

I pulled at her nipples, pinched her clit and drove my cock deep inside her wet cunt that made her shook, tremble and wrap her arms around the driver seat in front of us.

"Beg." I growled in her ear, she bit her lip and closed her eyes.

Her thick walls enveloped my cock tightly, squeezing and releasing with every push I shoved in.

"F-Fuck me, Taeyeon please fuck me."

"You want my cock?" She nodded, pushing herself back onto my hips. I stopped her from impaling herself further into me, spanking her ass till it left marks.

"Hng, Taeyeon, spank me. Spank me harder."

Kinky.

"I want you to fuck me till I cum hard for you, I want your cock because it's mine, mine to play and toy with that'll make me beg you for me." She said with such a seductive tone that I yanked her away from leaning in front of me and laid her flat on the backseat of the car.

"God fuck, Fany"

"Are you jealous Taeyeon? How he talked to me throughout the trip and you couldn't?

I covered her mouth with my hand, ramming into her and drilling her wet cunt that made sloppy skin slapping sound.

Something about her dirty talk made me fuck her a lot harder than I did.

I roughly circled her clit, adding to my constant merciless thrust. Her pussy was leaking arousal, coating her inner thighs and wetting mine.

"Make me yours, fuck me and fill me with your cum baby."

"You're mine, this pussy is mine and no one else's you're gonna scream my name when I make you cum and Siwon in his room upstairs on the third floor will hear you and know you're mine." I half yelled, feeling the car's windows getting fogged with our breaths, the car was practically shaking.

"T-Taeyeon!" Her arousal started to gush out in waves, coating my dick even more.

"Cum, you wanna cum? Scream louder, let Siwon know because I'd be damned if he set his eyes on my baby girl again without knowing who owns you."

She shook her head, closing her eyes shut and she could barely hold onto me anymore, her arms dropping to her sides.

"C-Cum, Taetae." She whined before I thrusted the hardest, and felt her clench around me, trembling him my hold as she suddenly came alive, running her nails across my back.

"Mm, cum for me baby girl, come for me."

She shuddered and then froze in place, wailing my name out straight into my ear and I had a hand on the glass window, holding myself up.

Her orgasm ripped through her and I stayed still, letting her go through it. Her panting got heavier and then lessen. I felt her nibble my ear, her chest heaving slowed and the caresses on my back started to feel nicer.

I felt a pool of her cum coat our sexes, dripping onto the car seat in a puddle of wetness.

God the sight made me hard, if there was a mess there I wonder what how big the mess is between her thighs.

Her flushed face and cute furrow of her brows made me soften. God she is the woman I live and only want to do these types of things with.

But I wasn't done, I was never done.

I picked her up gently and she nuzzled her face into my neck.

I kicked open the car door, stepping out of it and cradling her close.

I laid her on the hood of my car, pulling my button up off me and slipping it on for her.

She was done, her eyes were dropping close but her hand never let go of my bicep.

I spread her legs apart, realizing how right I had been with the mess between her legs.

Messy, wet cum that I made. It's impossible to make me grow harder and more erect than I was, but it happened when she stuck her hands in her folds and into her cunt, playing with her arousal.

Without a second though and a gentle call of my name I impaled myself into her again, feeling her slick still convulsing walls welcome me back in.

I heard the car move along with my thrusts, Fany's hand slapped the car's metal hood eliciting a sharp sound that made me wince.

"Tae, Tae I-I can't." She whimpered, yet she licked her fingers and started to play with her abused clit.

"You will, I'll make you feel good baby." I cooed, wiping her sweat off with my hand and tucking her hair neatly behind her ear.

I rammed harder, angling my cock into the her favourite spot and all I heard as she's mewls, pants and whines.

"Taeyeon, harder faster, make me cum again." She whispered, head starting to loll to the side.

Our end was met with my loud growl and groan and her scream, her body shuddered violently once again but this time I felt her squirt a stream of liquid, getting all over the place like my abdomen and dripping onto the metal under her.

I'm pretty sure my name echoes, we were in a secluded forest after all, I sure as hell hope he fucking heard it.

I pounded and chased my own peak, not wanting to lose that window of pleasure that was open after she came. "God Fany, you're going to make me cum, I'm going to fucking fill you up." I moaned, spreading her les further and thrusting in.

My cock started to twitch and then my hips froze in place, shooting thick jets of thick cum inside of her clenching walls, filling her up to the brim.

I loved stuffing her with so much cum that it seeps out from her lips. It came out, dropping from my cock that was still hard inside and onto the hood of the car.

The contrasts of white cum and the black metal streaming out of her spent pussy made it so lip biting.

I loved watching it and my girl knew.

She pulled my softening dick out, her cunt winking at me and pushing out my load in waves, making the growing puddle of our cum stain my car.

"Taetae." She whined, always clingy after we fuck each other out.

She sat up from the car and wrapped her arms around my neck, her honey legs wrapping around my hips in such a koala fashion it was cute.

"Was I too rough, hm?" I mumbled against her sweaty head, buttoning up my shirt on her a few buttons and slipping on her panties for her.

This way, she wasn't that exposed. She'd be pressed up against my body anyways. I'm just trying to protect her from other people's eyes, no one allowed to rest their eyeballs on my pretty lady. My treasure, she's all mine.

She shook her head.

"Taetae oppa is a big beast. A big bear." I think she just did s bit of aegyo. I wanted it as my fucking ringtone.

"I'm cute." I interjected.

"Only when you're not in bed." She shot back.

"Sorry, we just fucked in a car. I'm pretty sure everyone heard so, have fun tomorrow."

"Hm, you just have to fuck me outside of the car didn't you?"

"My kink and my fantasy. I couldn't help it okay? You're too hot." I groaned, still thinking about her and how sexy she becomes when seducing me.

She giggled, resting her head on my shoulder. "I'm tired Taetae."

"Are you tired enough to not do another couple of rounds in the bedroom? Sunny owns a damn big cabin, and I'd like to make sweet love to you on every piece of her furniture."

"And wake up the entire cabin? Plus, what's with your freaking kinks and stuff."

I shrugged, putting on loosely clothes that'll cover myself too. I closed the car door, locking it with my remote before stealthily walking to the back of the house to avoid being seen.

My giggling piglet wouldn't stop harassing me as I carried her up to our room, the occasional nibbles bites and crotch grabbing almost made me trip and fall.

I didn't want to wake up an angry Jessi, or an angry Soo. Or a pissed of Sunny. But I sure as hell hope Siwon can hear us having the time of our lives because that's literally what we did in our room that night.

Make up sex, all night long baby and there's no stopping me.

Except a tired Fany.

Morning after Fany tried to hide underneath the bed sheets, refusing to get up because she knew her friends would give her shit for all the loud sex we had.

Haha.

I didn't care, I walked downstairs with my head held up high.

"Did you smash?" Sunny asked and out of everyone in the room I expected one of the guys to ask me that, not Sunny.

I stood there for a few seconds forming sentences in my head and wondering which one I should say. "Fuck yeah I did."

"Nice." She gave me a little fist bump and I know who the hell I'm sitting beside for breakfast today.

Crazy cat lady. She cool, she apart of the Taeyeon Fan Club.

"Good morning vicious demon." I greeted Jessi and she wasn't really impressed. She doesn't scare me anymore, I got my Fany back.

"How many times did you guys fuck last night?" Jessi asked.

"More than you ever will."

Jessi slapped the back of my head with a book. Like a fucking book came out of nowhere.

"Ow! That fucking hurts!" I held the back of my head, checking if there was any bleeding.

"Disrespect me one more time and I will decapitate you with this book titled 'Kim Taeyeon Is Jessi's Bitch."

"You're really mean." I mumbled.

Wow that was my worst clap back yet. Wow, what a weak performance by me.

I was thinking of other ways to annoy the crap out of her but decided against it. I wanted to save myself from a bit more bruising. Plus, the cake in the fridge looked tasty.

"Hey pretty lady, you're glowing. I wonder why." Jessi whistled, sniggering as the sexiest pig on earth walked in. I had a smug smile on my face too and she was just so cute, blushing and all that trying to avoid Jessi's questions.

"Fany-ah, Jessi hurt me." I whined, shuffling behind her.

"You deserve it." Fany replied, taking my hand and holding it while she looked around the counter for breakfast.

"It hurts." I whined some more, making her rub the back of my head.

Jessi rolled her eyes. "You're such a fucking baby."

"You're such a fucking bitch." I shot back.

"Let's fight, bitch." She taunted and I was slightly shaking.

"Bite me." I hissed. I was about to pull my pants down and smack my ass to mock her but she was kind of glaring at me and she looked like a gangster.

I didn't expect her to punch the back of my head but she did. The woman wore a bunch of rings too so it was a punch with metal extensions puncturing my cranium.

I screamed, wailing in an exaggerated pain which made Fany baby me. "Fany-ah!"

"He deserved it!" She defended her action and crossed her arms, about to go over this corner and smack me some more.

Fany gasped. "Don't punch people!?" She kept rubbing the back of my head, cooing at me while defending me.

"Violence is always the answer!" Fany glared at her and Jess just looked at me while I stuck my tongue out.

"You little brat."

I ignored her jab, wanting to be babied by piglet. "Fany, it still hurts."

"What do you want me to do about it?" She asked annoyed.

"Kiss it better." I asked, wiggling my brows, crouching down to her level so she can give me a nice big kiss.

"Sigh. You baby." She did it anyways, pecking me lightly. I felt like a little bear. An absolutely bratty little one. I deserve to get punched in the head for all the ruckus I made this morning.

Jessi gagged. And she made sure I heard her gagging.

"Hey." She whispered, touching my back as she reached over me to get the milk.

"Good morning sugarpie, your friend violently attacked me with a bundle of dead trees and knuckles embedded with metal like spikes." I said, smiling sweetly as she pinched my cheeks in absolute adoration of me.

"Can't blame her honestly, you say some violently attack worthy things sometimes."

"Pfft."

Sooyoung walked by us, muttering 'rabbits.'

"You think we traumatized them with all your screaming?" I poked fun.

"Excuse me? Why is the blame all on me." She glared.

"Well you're pretty loud in bed plus it wasn't me screaming 'fuck me ha-" Fany stomped on my foot and I grasped the kitchen counter tightly, holding my pain and grunts in.

She made herself pancakes that morning and gave me none of it.

"Hey, can I have some of that?" I shamelessly asked Kyung pretty loudly. I emphasized it so Fany could hear it and maybe feed my fat ass.

Fany just kept on munching her food while looking at me dead straight in the eye.

"Um, but Sooyoung made it for me." He whispered softly. I deadpanned. This guy was fucking whipped to the max. He's a total 'sweetheart' a 'nice' guy. No wonder fucking girls swoon over him. He was well mannered, gentle and respects people.

"Dude, come on just sauce over some toast bro. I'm not even asking for much!"

"But Sooyoung made these for me?"

"Dude I'm going to beat your ass." I hissed.

"Taeyeon." Oh no, Fany's stern voice. Run away.

"Not now Fany, I'm trying to man up my bro here." I waved her off, still glaring at Kyung who was as innocent as a flower.

Kyung gave me a small bite and when I reached for another toast he moved his plate away.

I turned to the right of me, seeing Sunny with cereal and I pointed at it.

"Me, want."

"You, die." Sunny replied, eyes still on her tablet.

I sighed. Me and Jessi caught eyes and she glared at me. "Don't worry, I don't want to eat any of your poisonous inedible trash." I reasoned.

She scoffed and if looks can kill, I'd be disintegrated.

Siwon settled down on the kitchen island, sitting on a bar stool and side eyeing me.

Almost glaring at me and I put my feet on the table, hands behind my head as I gave him my award winning smile of a champion.

I heard him stab the metal fork on the plate, making that ear wincing sound.

I won, I fucking won the game and I couldn't stop hysterically laughing on the spot.

Everyone looked at me funny, but man I was having the time of my life.

I mouthed the words, 'mine.' And he got up in anger, pushing away his plate of food and stomping back upstairs.

Fany had enough and got out of her seat and pulled my ear, making me yelp and follow her around in circles and where I ended up was in our room, infront of a desk.

She placed a plate of breakfast on the desk and pointed at it.

"Eat. You're not allowed to eat with people since you can't behave."

"Is this my time out corner, Ms. Hwang?"

"Yes."

"Ooo, what a dominate. Teacher Hwang, got a new kink? Heh. Wanna make out?" I grinned like a fool.

She turned around and I thought she was going to walk out on me and leave me be, but no.

She locked the door, turning around to face me with a smirk.

Welp. Sexy Fany is the best Fany.

I went downstairs an hour later feeling satisfied, refreshed and my inner byun was at peace. For now.

I had that smug smile on my face and I knew this for sure. I plopped myself on the couch, wanting to befriend Sunny.

She's the only one who didn't openly hate me or hit me, so we played games. And by games I mean hardcore competitive games that almost costed me an eye and a patch of hair.

I take it back, she's violent too.

I smacked Sunny's controller out of her hand in a desperate attempt to win the race, I'm not losing to her. I'd rather die getting baked in the sun.

"Yah! You cheater!"

"Shut up, you chose Mario he had the best car. You gave me fucking Toad." I grumbled, couldn't shake the face off that I'm losing.

"First come first serve! Stop pushing me Taeyeon!" I threw a pillow at her, trying to obstruct her view and when I crossed that finish line and savoured the win I didn't expect the small midget to bite my shoulder.

"Ow ow ow ow! What the fuck! Why are you biting people!" I whined, holding onto my shoulder and rolling way from her. I peeled back my shirt, seeing teeth marks and I almost screamed.

"Give me back my controller! I want Mario!" Sunny kept clawing at my hands, reaching for my blue controller. I swatter her hand away, patting her head a bit roughly.

"You have a fucking advantage with Mario, no way jose bitch. You unlocked like all the fucking characters, there are other characters that are better than Mario! I only have Toad and Mario unlocked and Toad is shit!" I reasoned, digging into the bucket of popcorn.

"Exactly! Give Mario to me!" Sunny also had a loud yell, it hurt my ears. I swear to god her cat was sitting on my foot and was about to jump me and scratch me up.

She pulled out a bag of gummies and sat there eating it while sulking.

My mouth was salivating, I haven't eaten those in forever and holy fuck I wanted one. But I was scared to ask, we were just fighting over a character and I don't dare ask for a jelly.

She had like, an entire bag. A 1 lb bag full of random gummies and I my hand itched. I was practically drooling.

"S-Sunny?"

"What do you want Kim." She hissed, going onto her tablet to collect her daily rewards on her mobile game.

"C-Can I have one?" I asked, eyes staring at the gummy worm hanging out of her mouth.

She turned her head towards me, cocking her brow. She turned her entire body to me and I kept following the gummy swaying back and forth.

"Give me Mario and I'll give you a gummy."

"B-But Toad is shit come on Sunny!"

"That's the point, I want to win and beat your cocky self. So, controller for gummy yes?" She didn't even let me speak and threw the plastic bag at me, getting my controller in exchange.

At this point I was at her mercy, this was like my kryptonite and I surrendered.

A couple more games of me losing and Sunny winning that deflated y ego by a tenfold, I got up and stomped away. She called me back in but I waved her off, curious to see where piglet ran to.

I went up the room, opening the door and peeking in to see her running around the closet putting things in and out of the luggage.

"Wait, are we leaving?"

She huffed, placing her hands on her hips. "Yeah, I've been packing your clothes for the past hour. What were you doing. . ?"

"Playing games with Sunny?"

"Sigh. I just wanted to know if you wanted to wear your slippers on the ride home, because if you are I won't pack them."

"Ooo, yes please. I like to give my feetsies some air to breathe. Sneakers hurt."

She chuckled in amusement, patting my cheek before turning around to stack the luggage. She dismissed me and said I could go downstairs and play.

I sat on the edge of the bed though unmoved, knowing that she's going to be changing to take a shower and every byuntae cell inside of me wanted to see her undress. "I like Sunny, she's really nice. Kind of." I blurted out, ignoring the blood rushing inside of me.

"I mean shes a total gaming nerd, and so are you so I can see why you two can get along."

"Jessi fucking hates me and I can't tell if Sooyoung hates me too."

"Sooyoung doesn't hate you, well at least not anymore. But you easily piss her off so be careful. Jessi hates everyone so, good luck there Taetae."

"Why do you friends hate me?"

"Because you're a dick?"

"Ouch."

"Let me explain, you come off as cold? A little blunt, and you look like you want to kill okay? But I know you're a little fluffy bear so that's all that matters." She pecks me on the lips and fixes my collar.

I put my hands behind my head, laying there as I let her touch my face in amusement. "You think if I bought them all cars or something they'll like me?" I don't know if I can even afford anything right now, my bank account is draining so fast.

"They're not materialistic. Maybe if you bought Sooyoung lunch or something like chicken? Jessi I don't know."

"She has big boobs. I should buy her like a boob holder or something." Fany punched my gut really hard, and by really hard I mean like it left a bad bruise.

"Ow, I bruise like a peach come on!" God damn it. I'm going to be like a spotted dog by the end of this session.

She crosses her arms, about to light me in flames with her glare.

"Wait, no wait I'm sorry I didn't mean for that to come out like that wait Fany, Fany, Fany. Psst Fany." I poked her a bunch of times, it was like poking mama bear with a stick.

I sat up, palming my lower torso. I looked up at my piglet sitting on my lap with such a frowny face that I couldn't help but want to squish her.

"I was just being honest, I'm a changed and reformed man now."

"You don't have to be that honest!" She shouted again. I rubbed my other ear in fear of it being bursted

"God, they're just boobs sheesh. They're basically sacks of fat if you think about it. She just happens to have big ones." I mutter, still poking at my bruise.

If one bruise wasn't bad enough, try two on the other side of your gut. Because that's literally what fucking happened again and damn Fany is a punching machine.

"Yah! It hurts Fany!" I whined, hissing at the pain.

She got off me, stomping to the closet.

"Fany! Come on! It's not like her personality is great to look at!" I fumbled my way to her, almost running straight into a wall.

Fany turned around and had a strong hand on my chest, pushing me back. "Go look at her tits if you like them so much! I bet you can tell what bra size she is by now!"

"Is she like, a D cup?" I asked, scratching the back of my head.

Fany gasped. "You actually do know?!" She pulled at my ear and kicked me out of the room. She locked it and told me to 'fuck a tree.'

So, apparently I got Jessi's bra size right but okay.

"But I love yours! I love my Fany's boo-" She threw monkey George at my face before I could finish shouting my sentence throughout the entire house.

Oops.

"Byuntae!" She hollered before slamming the door again.

I grumbled curses, what's so bad about being honest sheesh.

I walked back downstairs, plopping myself on the couch. "Hey Sunny, look at the cool temporary tattoos I got." I lifted my shirt up and pointed at my two areas of broken blood vessels.

"Wow, both of them look exactly like the print of a fist." She laughed and her cat went up to me, scratching at my legs.

"Yup, Fany gave them to me personally." I picked up the hairless looking cat, now I'm not a cat person but recently I've developed a soft spot for animals.

"Figures, you do say some stupid stuff."

"Can you blame me? I was just being honest." I sighed, looking at the door to our room and chuckling. God, HellFany is funny.

"I don't even want to know what you said." She threw a bag of gummies at me but took my controller.

I shrugged, time to heal myself with diabetes.

Couple of hours later I saw how everyone was packing up, getting ready to go home.

I offered Fany to help with carrying the luggage but she just shoved my chest and told me to oogle another woman's boobs.

"Can I stare at yours then?"

"Byuntae! There's people here!" She whispered harshly.

I saw Siwon look in amusement and I claimed Fany mine by making out with her right in front of him. Fany's eyes widened and tried to pull away but I held her tight, squeezing her hip knowing that if she pulled away I'm going to be angry bear.

I made sure he saw us enter the closet, pulling a stunned Fany along with me.

"Taeyeon-ah! What's gotten into you!" She shoved my chest and wiped her lips.

"Asserting my dominance, making sure other male specimens know this piglet is mine."

"Ugh. I'm so close to just biting your ear off." She walked out and I knew she wasn't that mad when she slapped my ass on her way out.

But I did cover my ears, in fear. A part of me knows she wasn't really playing but then again it's Fany.

Heh.

"Taeyeon! Are you done taking a dump?!" Sooyoung shouted an hour later just before we were leaving.

I was spiffing up in the washroom, reminding everyone in the house I was Handsome Taeng.

"I'm not taking a shit! I'm fixing my hair for the hundredth fucking time god!" I grumbled, opening the bathroom door and closing the lights.

Jessi walked by, pinching her nose while making gagging noises.

I was serious, I was checking myself out in the mirror to see if my hair was okay.

Gosh.

"Bye Sunny! Bye hairless cat!" I hollered in the hall, not forgetting to grab a fistful of candies sitting in a bowl and stuffing them in my pocket.

"Bye loser! Come back later to have a rematch! Take care of Fany please, she's my little puppy." She shouted from the living room.

"Fuck you, bye." I closed her door and popped up to the nearest window, waving goodbye to her but specifically to her rat cat.

I stepped outside, seeing Fany and Sooyoung step in the car. Fany wasn't driving. Sooyoung was and I almost freaked out.

"Hey! What are you doing in the drivers seat get out!"

"You don't know the way so I'm driving!" She yelled, holding onto her coffee.

"Are you kidding me?! Fany, Sooyoung's going to kill us all!" I pointed, pleading at my piglet.

"No, stop and get your flat ass in the car." Fany hissed, slamming the car door.

My ass isn't flat. Is it? Well damn now I'm turning around and lifting my shirt to see if anything is there.

I huffed and sat in the back. I turned my head to see Kyung there too, sitting up in a perfect posture like the world wasn't ending.

"And you're okay with this?! You're girlfriends going to run us into the river!" I huffed, about to pull my hair out.

He shrugged and continued to read the newspaper. Who the fuck reads newspapers anymore? It's 2017, everything is online now.

"Fany! Sooyoung's going to kill your idol, Kyung and most importantly me, your boyfriend will die!"

"Shush, you talk too much." She turns around handing me a cup of yogurt to shut me up. I don't think she was mad at me anymore from my comments about Jessi's boobs but anyways.

The car started and Sooyoung turned the radio up and it was a full blown concert in here with Fany and Sooyoung singing their hearts out to the Spice Girls.

Fany's voice was louder than the damn radio and I felt a bit worried about her voice but it's not like I could stop her if I wanted to.

She wouldn't even be able to hear me.

When we went down the hill on the shitty road which wasn't even a road. Just a path of gravel and sand that was situated too close to the ledge of the mountain. It spooked me the first time I came up to Sunny's cabin, it'll spoken me again the second.

When we hit a bump my head hit the roof of the car because I was half standing half sitting up to see the car's front windshield.

It hurt so bad and when she sped up I gasped, my balls felt tingly and my stomach was churning everything inside. The donut I had was going to be outside of me by the time were done.

"F-Fany I'm getting carsick." I whispered.

"Pussy." Sooyoung muttered looking at the mirror.

Kyung gave me a box of tissues and patted my back.

At least this total soft guy was nice to me.

When we arrived back at home I yanked at the door, stumbling out of the car running into a near by bush to puke my intestines out.

I found out I can't sit in the backseat or I'll get carsick. Also found out Sooyoung's driving contributed to the carsickness.

"Bye Fany!"

"Bye! Drive safely, bye Kyung! Take care of Sooyoung please!"

I laid on the grass, patting my stomach while feeling light headed.

Fany strolled over to me, nudging my side with her foot.

"We have to go pick up Prince and buy groceries. There's nothing in the fridge."

I groaned, I hate running errands.

"My stomach hurts, kiss it better."

"You have 10 seconds to get up and in the car or I'm punching your stomach better." She threatened. I wasn't going to take the chance to see if she'd do it or not.

"Wow."

She clicked her tongue and frowned. HellFany was beginning to take form and I didn't want to stick around to see her final form."I'm still mad at you for staring at Jessi's boobs in detail."

"Oh come on! They're literally right in your face how can you not look?! I like yours and only yours!" I begged her to understand.

"I don't want to talk about it, up up, go go Taebear."

Fine. Fine. Whatever.

I hate grocery shopping with her. She refused to let me buy my snacks.

A bag of chips? 'Put it back.'

A packet of jellies. 'Really?'

A 6 pack of soda. 'Taeyeon you're testing my patience.'

I put the biggest bucket of icecream in the tub. I got a smack on the head and I hurriedly put it back before she starts kicking me.

I grumbled throughout the entire trip, following her around like a lost kid.

I was so mad at her.

Let me live, Fany.

:(

We picked up Prince and I didn't want to drive so I made Fany drive.

I cuddled the little guy, missing my buddy.

We both got scolded by Fany on a daily basis so we had that type of connection.

I refused to help with the groceries because I didn't get to buy any snacks so I thought about an excuse to run away from my duties.

I clipped the leash on Prince's collar and savoured the sound of his dog tags jingling.

"Fany! Me and Prince are going to get some ladies!"

"Excuse me?!" I heard her shout.

Oh my bad. Worded it wrong. "I mean, me and Prince are going to get himself a lady!"

"Okay! Have fun!"

I took Prince out to walk, and that meant a 30 min walk to the city because that's where all the dog ladies were.

I made sure Prince's bow tie and hair was looking hella slick as we marched down the sidewalk.

I mean, in Central Park there wasn't any suitable lady dogs either. Just their owners trying to flirt with me.

I walked away so fast, because if Fany found out I'm dead meat.

I'd be roasted like a shish kebab.

"Prince, I'm just trying to be your wing man, but it's not really working out is it?" He whimpered and laid on the floor, looking all sad.

"Psst, get up as still have lady pups to woo." I tugged on the leash and he wouldn't get up.

"Handsome puppies do not take breaks. Let's go young pup." He whined some more, ears down.

"I'll give you a belly rub." He stood up and strolled over to me. He essentially walked himself which was fine with me but when we cut corners through a bunch of sketchy alleyways Prince darted into one.

"Dude, its stinky in there." I said, pinching my nose. I never could take strong smells, I always gagged.

I pulled the leash back but he kept on persisting and when I couldn't see him anymore I had to follow the leash.

He went underneath a wooden board that was leaning against a brick wall and I pulled it back, placing it on the floor as I patted my hands clean.

Was going to scold him for being stupid but he sat on his legs and whined. I looked beside him and this almost brown stained looking white fluff that was laying on it's side, panting with its tongue out.

I almost screamed. "Oh my god, a puppers!" I touched the small white puppy that was significantly smaller than Prince but it didn't seem to be like a baby. I scooped it up into my hands and patted its head. It's little ears started to move and its tail wasn't wagging either.

When it started to whine and whimper I felt like dying. It was so cute but at the same time so sad.

Can I cry. I wanted to cry.

Who would dare leave a dog like this in a corner in such conditions. Whoever did this can go choke.

I inspected its body and it looked to be fine but I didn't know what to do.

So I ran home with Prince and the little puppy in my arms, sprinting as fast as I can.

I barged through the door and dashed into the living room, not even caring about taking my shoes off or almost tripping over Prince's dangling leash.

"Fany-ah! Help! Puppy!"

I pulled the blankets off Fany and made a makeshift bed on the kitchen table, laying the small sleeping puppy in the middle of it.

Fany stood beside me questioning me and all my life choices.

"Me and Prince found the pup in the back alleyway of the taco restaurant you really like. It was just laying there not doing anything and look! Their fur is so dirty!"

"Oh Tae." She patted the little ones head and called the vet or something.

She bundled the pup in a smaller blanket and I wanted to go with her but she said I should stay home and console Prince since he was acting emo.

I waved a small bye to the pupper that was resting its head on Fany's shoulder. It was closing its eyes and cuddling close to Fany, I even saw it's little paw.

I looked down at Prince and he too seemed a bit put down. He laid there with his ears tucked, tail still and he blinked a couple of times.

I rubbed his back. "Our friend will be okay."

He licked his lips and crawled into my lap, curling up there as I leaned against the dining tables leg and waited for them to come back.

I gotta say, sitting on the floor wasn't too bad. Screw couches and what not.

And when they did come back. I sat up straight but didn't move. I didn't want to wake up Prince who finally stopped whining.

"Hi baby." She said softly, her arm carrying a little pink bundle of blankets. It had only been an hour of me waiting and sitting on the hardwood floor patting Prince to sleep.

"Welcome back. Where is puppers?" I whispered, a bit eager and anxious. I hope she didn't give the puppy up or something.

"She's fine, just malnourished and exhausted from running away."

"Can we keep her?" I immediately asked.

Fany shook her head, and at that point I had to persuade her. "I don't know, it could be someone else's puppy."

"Finders keepers. So can we keep her?" I asked again. Fany seemed taken back from my blunt questions.

"Taetae, what if it's a little child's puppy?"

"That's too bad. They lost them and I found the pups. It's mine now." I mumbled.

"Don't be so childish Tae, you're 28. You know what's right from wrong hm?"

"I can give you 286 reasons why we have to keep the doggy." I have 2 reasons and one is because for Prince, and two was because I could cuddle a pupper in each of my arms to sleep.

She sat beside me and the now clean cute dog with pigtails peeped from its pink blankets and looked a bit happier and healthier.

"She's the same breed as prince, but a girl and she's a bit smaller, younger."

I gasped. "Prince! She can be your girlfriend!"

"What?!" Fany slapped my shoulder. Fucking violent.

She rubbed the puppy's chin and the little doggy purred. Now I'm jealous.

"Why can't you rub my chin like that." I muttered.

"I rub your ears for you to fall asleep, I think that's enough."

I shook my head. "Can I play with her?" I asked. She transferred the fluff into my hands and she filled my palms pretty well. She looked so cute and I couldn't stop cooing at her.

"Who's a pretty puppy? You are!"

Fany rolled her eyes and was pretty amused.

"Can we keep her? I think I've fallen in love." I said, still looking at the quiet pup in hand. Love at first site, Jesus.

"Taeyeon."

"Okay screw rational reasoning okay? I promise to take care of her like I take care of Prince. I'll clean them up! I'll bathe them! I'll take them out for walksies!"

"Taeyeon." She warned.

"Fany please!" I begged, giving her my puppy eyes.

She didn't say anything but got up to make dinner.

I sat on the kitchen island placing both puppies on the counter. I got a scolding from Fany but at this point nothing matters. "What can we name her?"

"I don't know, I don't think we're keeping he-"

No. I interrupted her. "Princess! We'll name her Princess!" We are keeping her. Fany, do not fight me on this.

I walked around the house with Prince and Princess in my arms, marching in circles and doing nothing but being a bothersome idiot.

"Are you really going to carry those two around to prove a point?"

"I'm the Lord of the Pups. I can tell Princess really likes me too, don't you Princess?" She yelped and wagged her tail. I smirked and looked up, proving my point exactly.

"Get your ass out of the kitchen or I'll burn your dinner tonight." She said, her annoyed and distressed face making an appearance. I shuffled out of the kitchen with a pout.

But no matter, I have my pups.

I hid underneath the covers with them, tucking my blanket between the headboard of our bed.

I made a little tent fort thing and stuffed a bunch of toys for them to play when I heard the door open I froze and cuddled my puppies close to me.

"Whoever opens the covers, jump, bark, and bite." I whisper to them.

"If you're here to take my doggies away then I don't want to hear it." I grumbled.

"Taeyeon. Dinner. Stop acting like you're 12."

I peeped from my covers and Fany had her hands on her hips, still at the door.

"I'm not hungry."

"You're going to eat."

"You can't make me."

I heard her huff. And huffing is bad. I cowered underneath the covers, making a slit with the blanket to see what she was up to.

She closed the bedroom door, sitting on the chair across the bed and crossed her honey legs.

She crossed her arms too and that stance was the most intimidating scariest fucking thing ever.

She meant business and I had a feeling she was going to sit there till the break of dawn waiting for me to eat dinner.

I gulped and pulled the covers down again, covering my puppies and blocking her out of my blanket fortress.

"Can we please keep her? I won't ask for anything again."

"Fine."

"Really?!" I popped up from the covers and broke my entire fortress, scrambling on my feet to kneel beside Fany's legs.

I grabbed her hand kissing it 19548438 times, more than I've kissed her on the lips and that's a lot.

"On one condition."

"Yes?"

"You're coming with me to work tomorrow, my kiddies miss you." No. God no. No Fany.

"No! They're evil! You know how much I hate kids and I'm so bad with them please don't make me do it."

"Want Princess? Come to work with me as Uncle Taetae." She said with a smirk and she already knew she won.

I rolled around in bed, rolling over her too and I made this dying whale noise to add for dramatic effect.

"I'm not going to children city tomorrow and you can't make me." Were my final words before getting launch kicked out of the bed by Fany.

Well Taeyeon never wins. Fany is the only winner in this relationship and I'm so mad.

"Today we have someone special visiting us, you might remember him because he gave you all a balloon." Fany claps her hands like she won the lottery, and I guess it was because she actually got me to come with a bunch of threats and persuasion the next day.

I frowned, sticking my hands deep in my pockets. Man, I can never win because here we are with me at children city.

"Taetae!" Some kiddo said so excitedly and I remembered her. I pushed her on the swing.

"Uncle Taetae will help us today, be nice to him kids." Fany smiled so cutely, I stood there awkwardly waving.

I don't know how to deal with kids, I don't know how to deal with anyone half the size of my leg.

In before they all attack me and kick my shins.

Class went on and on, kids did so many things.

It was like jam packed, I was already exhausted by the time we had recess.

I ran around the playground pushing people on swings, getting kids off and on the monkey bar, I was even on medic duty. I lost count on how many booboo's I had to kiss better, how many bandages I used and how many promises I made of getting them candy so they'll stop crying.

The most intense workout I've see had in my life.

Midway throughout the day though Fany stood infront of the classroom between her circle of kids and I couldn't stop day dreaming and drooling.

Pretty Fany in a dress working hard.

"Class, we have a new student today!" Fany then brought out a little girl who hid behind her dress.

The kids gasped, clapping their hands in excitement as I sat on the overly small chair that barely fit one of my ass cheeks.

If anything the chair will get stuck in between my ass crack ar this rate.

Fany ushered a little girl in view, her name was Anna Lee or something.

She looked really timid, really small and really introverted.

I observed her as class went on, almost falling asleep to Fany's voice when she read a book to the kids.

She didn't really pay attention but stare at the ground playing with the velcro of her shoes.

When we had nap time which was really tempting for me to just join the kids on the floor with their matts, Anna didn't nap.

"Taeyeon-ah, can you help me wash their cups and plates?"

"Oh my goodness."

I helped her wash the cups and stuff and even went around the school looking for her art supplies.

I liked finger painting as a kid, I actually liked colouring because my mom did.

Gosh, kindergarten is nostalgia city.

"Uncle Taetae?" The small voice behind me spoke and I turned around, kneeling on the ground to match her height.

I wonder how I looked from their perspective, a big tall guy?

I was trying to be gentle, a giant fluff ball as Fany would remind me.

I can't believe she's got the kids to call me uncle.

"Hi. Why aren't you taking a nap?"

"I lost my bunbun in the playground." I could barely hear her. I thought kids were supposed to have loud voices.

"Do you want me to find for you?" She nodded and I took her hand, telling Fany we had a mission to attend to.

"What's your name again?" I asked quietly, afraid my voice would blow her away or something.

"Anna Lee." She said quietly.

"Oh cool. My name is Taeyeon. Or Taetae." Heh.

I held her hand a little tighter, scanning around the playground looking for apparently a blue bunny.

"What do you like to do Anna?"

"Draw."

"Oh, what do you like to draw?"

"Mommy."

Awh, how cute.

"What about daddy?"

"Mommy said Daddy left."

Holy shit I wanted to run myself into the monkey bars 600 times. I didn't expect that answer.

I scratched the back of my head with my free hand, thinking about what to say. "Oh. That's okay, at least your mom loves you."

She nodded and when I found her stuffed animal propped up against the pole I gave it to her and she hugged it tightly.

While others were napping she pulled me along the class, making me sit at the freakishly small table with the freakishly small chair.

My knees were the size of the fucking table and I felt so claustrophobic. My back started to hurt too, my legs oh god they cramped.

Anna started drawing a flower and colouring it in, I grabbed a crayon and helped her with one of the petals.

She didn't seem to object so I continued, colouring with her being mindful not to cover the paper and her sight with my big hand.

"Daddy promised me he will come back to the park with my bunbun."

I listened intensely, feeling a bit sad.

I'm going to guess he never came back.

"Bunny was at the park. But daddy wasn't." She almost whispered and I double checked if she was going to cry. But she didn't, not even a single tear.

I felt so sad. Like, this was on a whole new level of sadness. "It's okay Anna, you don't need him." I whispered, staring at her tiny hands colouring away.

Oh man, I'm catching the feels already.

"I walk with bunbun home."

"Alone?!"

She didn't reply.

But then she nodded and got off the chair, going into the corner to play with some tea cups.

She walks home alone?! That's so dangerous! I was screaming on the inside. Gotta report this to Ms. Hwang later on.

I followed along since she was the only one awake anyways.

Fany gave me some soft eyes and had her signature curve of a smile and I wanted to faint.

I was afraid of her smile before, but now I'm afraid of what it'll be able to do to me.

She makes me freaking melt.

I quietly played with Anna, gladly sitting on another small stool while pretending to drink some tea.

She actually smiled and I couldn't recall when she showed me she was happy in the short hours I was with her.

Now I felt warm.

I'm all over the place with my feelings.

I guess it was short lived with nap time as over and the class of 15 kids all woke up.

It was play time now and this was hell.

Hell I tell you, how Ms. Hwang controls them I don't know.

I stepped on wooden blocks left and right, it hurt so bad.

The kids got apple sauce on their shirts half the time and when I wasn't looking and they had playtime those pesky mini humans kicked my shins for fun.

I was about to explode.

My hair was pulled 8 times, my shirt was untucked a bunch of times and by the time they had a marker in their hands I made a run for it around the classroom.

They were Picasso and I was their blank canvas.

What made me shook was when a tiny boy asked me where babies came from.

This guys like 5 or something! Why is he asking me where kids come from!

Did I answer? Fuck no.

I told him babies came from dinosaurs. I also told him that if we were desperate enough we could make them from Play-Doh.

The little guy then ran away from me and opened a tub of Play-Doh. I couldn't stop laughing.

Fany's going to kill me once she finds out it's me who was feeding and teaching fake information to growing minds at a young age.

Suddenly someone had the bright idea of jumping onto my back while I was squatting.

Monkey see monkey do right? At least a couple of pounds of small humans did the same, overloading my back and I was spooked.

I pried then off me and told them to sit and stay, and not to move.

"Fany!"

"Yes, what's wrong?"

"Your children are _fucking_ attacking." I hissed, looking behind me in paranoia. They could've followed me, I'm the biggest walking thing in that classroom.

"Don't curse in my classroom Kim!"

"We're not even in your classroom, we're outside!"

She slammed my shoulder and fixed my suspenders, tugging on my bow tie.

"You look handsome."

"I know I do, and you look pretty."

"Shut up." She teased, I wanted to kiss her but she wouldn't let me and I wanted to ram my head in the door.

"How do you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Control 16 kids? How come they listen to you and not me? They don't kick you but kick me!" I whispered harshly. I then pulled my shirt up. "Look! They even drew me! I swear to god this cherry looks like a penis! The kids drew a dick on me!"

Fany giggled, she couldn't stop laughing. She even clapped her hands like a seal in absolute amusement.

I frowned and turned the other way. She went around and faced me, tucking my shirt in while giving me my one and only kiss on the cheek.

"Stop sulking, you look like one of my kids."

"I am your kid, the one and only one you need to take care of."

She shook her head, about to say something but got cut off.

"Uncle Taetae!" I groaned. Oh no.

"Looks like they're calling for you."

"Oh goodness." I grumbled, putting on a fake smile.

I counted the hours of when the kids could would go home because when they did, I could.

Send help. 911.

2 hours left, dear god.

I was more excited than anyone in the room when it was time to pack up and go home.

I speedily cleaned the room, singing the clean up song as fast as I could.

I raced around the room helping everyone out their shoes and jackets on.

Fany was amused, saying this was the hardest I've ever worked and I can second that.

I made them all line up in single file, making them salute me.

"Hup, Two Three Four! Come on Brandon keep those arms up! March! March!" I hollered, kind of making a ruckus.

Heh. My little minions. This was fun.

I watched as kids got picked up by their parents, their little legs carrying them into the arms of their loved ones.

"Bye Uncle Taetae!"

"Bye whatever your name is!" I waved excitedly and Fany elbowed my side.

More violent than the kids themselves I swear.

When the kids got picked up it reminded me so much of mom.

Kind of made me sad, it made me think of how I was so excited seeing my mom at the end of the day, giving my macaroni necklace to her to tell me it looked great and only for her to throw it out in the trash later because it was attracting flies or whatever.

Good days, good days.

Anna though, hung around in the corner of the field.

No one was there, she didn't run to anyone's arms. No one was greeting her and she stood there looking at her stuffed animal.

I walked towards her, letting go of Fany's hand.

"Anna?" I whisper, touching her small back so I wouldn't startle the girl.

She glanced up, tears in her eyes. "Uncle Taetae? Can you walk me home?"

"Why?"

"I'm scared." She pulled the slack of my pants and I kneeled down, buttoning up her coat.

I didn't know what to say but I felt like Anna's had it rough.

She's so young, so small. Yet so smart and intelligent. Can I dare say that she's mature?

For a fucking kindergartener she's so independent.

I picked her up and placed her on top of a flat concrete stand as we waited for Ms. Hwang to dismiss the other children and gather up her things.

"Taetae, you did great today." She pecked my cheek and put on her coat.

I helped her, smoothening it out and fixing it for her out of habit.

"Can we walk Anna home?" I whisper, turning behind me to glance at the sad looking girl.

"Hm? Where's her parents?" Fany furrowed her brow, growing increasingly concerned.

"I don't think. . .they're coming. I think she's been walking home alone from her grandmas house. If she did that, what makes you think she won't walk herself home from school?"

Fany's eyes widened, turning soft as she turned to face Anna who was stroking her stuffed bunny's fur.

"Anna, who sends you to school?" Fany asked gently.

"Grandma."

"Who picks you up?" I asked.

She looked away.

That's it, I'm exhausted and now I feel bad.

I grabbed Anna's hand gently and her small hands grabbed my three fingers, squeezing it softly.

I glanced at Fany, hoping she'd do the same.

Fany grabbed her other hand, and Anna looked at both of us breaking into the cutest smile.

Eyesmiles city, she had Fany's eyesmiles.

We walked down the path of the city, letting her lead us home.

We passed by Central Park and being the kid she was her eyes ogled the icecream stand.

I bought her a grape one and Ms. Hwang the shade of popsicle that mostly resembled the shade pink.

I didn't get any myself, I'd rather be busy holding her bunny for her.

But when we got closer to her house in the older part of town where tons of streets and back alleyways connected, she suddenly hid behind me. Grabbing my pants and hugging it.

"Anna? What's wrong." Fany asked, crouching down to talk to her.

I looked around, trying to find what startled her.

Anna whimpered, pointing at a fast shadowy figure that hid behind a corner while clutching her bunny up to her face.

I turned my head towards the two, hearing Fany let out a soft gasp.

I rushed over to her, almost scraping my palm in the process. "Tell Uncle Taetae, what do you see? What did they look like? Do they follow you?" I kneeled down too, touching her shoulders seeing how frightened she was.

Suddenly the backdoor opened and the person who I assumed was he grandma beckoned her to come here.

"Anna, lets go."

Fany got up, brows furrowing in concern and she bowed out of respectfulness. "Ahjumma my name is Ms. Hwang, your granddaughters teacher. Can we talk to you? It's regarding Anna's safety-"

"No, it's late. Goodnight." And Anna's grandma slammed the door shut but I caught the little wave Anna gave to us before my sight of her disappeared.

Me and Fany stood dumbfounded.

"Her grandmas sketchy." I muttered. Grandmas man.

"Yeah." Fany seemed kind of upset and pulled me along back through the park.

"I didn't see anyone behind us. You think someone's getting people to watch her?"

"I-I don't know. I don't want to think about it. I just want her safe." Knowing Fany, this must suck for her. She cares, and especially when it comes to growing thriving innocent kids it's brutal.

"It doesn't feel right." I mumbled, spine still having chills run up and down it. The atmosphere thickened and I felt like it got eerie by the second.

"I know, it doesn't. I might involve the schools principle. I can't jeopardize her safety." She mumbled, running her hand through her hair.

She looked so hot when she was frustrated. There was a bunch of trees in the corner that made like a little secluded area.

I was tempted to just drag her there and make tons of love with here right there and then.

But I held her hand, reassuring her without a word that it'll be okay.

"Hey, stop being emo. You're not allowed to be sad, that's my job." I pinched her nose for my own amusment and she shook her head out of my hold. Cute cute.

She snorted, slapping my back a bit too hard but I heard her cute giggle and that was everything. I walked into her slightly, jokingly shoving her back playfully.

She glanced at me, kissing my lips before leaning her head on my shoulder as we held hands through the park, heading home.

No words, just actions.

I got to walk with a pretty girl for a good solid 10 minutes.

I forgot how good that felt.

But I knew Fany. Excited energy ball was too calm, my bundle of joy was a bundle of sad.

She seemed pretty upset. She was too quiet, not the happy virus Fany I knew. She didn't even object when I passed by that same icecream stand and got myself a fudge popsicle.

I knew she had Anna on her mind, it was inevitable it was her nature to care and now I feel like poop thinking back to when I got upset at her for supposedly caring too much.

We made it all the way back to the parking lot, about to drive home but I stopped her. Pulled her to a halt and lifted her to sit on top of my car's hood.

"You, sad puppy Hwang will stay here. I, Kim Taeyeon will go get something. Sit, stay and do not move a bone or I will come back gnawing at your ear. Understand?"

"My ear?" She asked, questioning me and all my words.

"Yes, your ear because I'm kinky like that." I heard her rich laugh when I said that and I must say, it felt pretty good to embarrass myself just to hear it.

"Or else, something else is going to happen on the hood of this car and you know it's going to be a happy ending for the both of us." I winked and she looked away blushing madly, probably remembering the things we did at Sunny's cabin. Hah, good dirty times.

I ran across the streets, not forgetting to turn around and check up on my pink piglet, seeing if she obeyed my rules.

I saw how she swung her legs like a little kid, waiting for me patiently and I turned my attention to the old stationary store.

I opened the door, hearing the familiar chimes ring and the wooden boards creek with every step I took. It smelt like mothballs in here, but I couldn't really express my complaints I had a mission to attend to, and a mission I shall complete.

"Ahjussi, can I get the pink flowers and the pink balloon?" I asked, pointing at the two at different parts of the store.

The old man laughed, nodding. "Are you going to buy my entire stock of balloons again?" He reminded me of my grandfather. Something about him was just so hearty, so warm.

"No, no. Ms. Hwang got mad at me the last time I did. The kids made a mess."

"Ms. Hwang? Are you buying flowers for Ms. Hwang?"

"Y-Yes?"

"Ah, she's a pretty young one. Many of her colleagues have gotten her flowers. Seems like she's been turning them down every time."

I frowned. "I'm her boyfriend."

He stopped arranging the flowers in the pot and glanced at me. "You?!" His jaw dropped and I've never been so offended in my life.

"A-Ahjussi I'll take my flowers and single balloon now." I stuttered, trying to drive the conversation to something else.

He blinks and goes to the back of the story, filling in my order and when he handed me the machine to slot my credit card in I was met with an error.

My card was declined.

I tried again, punching in my pin code over and over again. When the same message appeared twice I pulled out my wallet, trying another card while sweating underneath the old man's stare.

I gulped the lump in my throats when that one was declined too. I opened up my wallet, pulling out pieces of white paper that were only receipts.

I only had $0.78 cents in change in my pocket. I had no cash, I rarely kept cash on me anyways. I always used card but my self esteem was going down by the minute.

"Taeyeon?"

"Sorry, I-I'll pay I just need to find the right card."

He placed a hand on the machine, stopping me from trying my plastic cards.

I gulped the lump in my throat, hands getting clammy.

I felt like shit.

I couldn't even afford $12.47 worth of gifts like a simple bouquet of flowers or a balloon for Fany.

"Take it, make Ms. Hwang happy. I won't tell her about this." He shook his head and handed it to me, implying that I should go.

I thanked him, shaking his hand a couple of times and walked back to the school all sulky and glum.

I can't even pay $12.

I'm scared.

I'm drained of money, and at some point in the last couple of months I thought that would literally never happen.

I ran a successful business, I had investments. I was really stinking rich.

I owned a private jet for fuck sakes but yet. $12? I can't pay it.

I wonder when they'll repossess my car, my house, that jet. Can't forget about my boat too.

Everything is going downhill right now, my business itself isn't thriving. It's making enough to sustain itself, but not enough for a profit.

I know this slow path will lead to a decline and eventually I'll be in debt to try to keep the company afloat.

I'll have to file bankruptcy soon, I can feel it.

Economy is doing so bad and there's nothing I can do but wait.

Just how bad will these couples of weeks, maybe months of waiting will be?

I'm just afraid of Fany leaving me.

I already lost Heechul. Kris isn't talking to me either and since I promised Fany I'd stop being involved with the triad I haven't talked to Key, Minho or anyone else who's in.

I at least got Fany in all of this and it helps. Ironically she was the only one I was doing all of this for. A little overboard I may add, but I can't risk letting her go.

I saw her sitting on the hood of my Porsche that I'm sure will get repossessed soon.

She glanced up from her phone and smiled, skipping to me as I held her little gifts in hand.

"Taetae!"

"Fany, I-I."

"What's wrong?" She pulled back from the hug and immediately had a concerned look on her face.

"I can't even afford these for you." I handed it to her and tied the string of the balloon to her finger.

"My card, it was declined."

"Taeyeon? It's okay. I know."

"You do?"

"I heard you over the phone, I didn't mean to eavesdrop but."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry that I can't even afford some small gifts for you. I don't even know if I can buy you food." I buried my face in my hands, feeling all of a sudden heavy.

"Taeyeon, no no. It's okay. I don't need anything. You're enough, having you by me is enough." She pulled at my hand and I refused.

I felt like crap. She didn't even seemed that phase about it. It's not like she had any problems of me being broke to the bone.

"I'll be a burden. I don't know what's going to happen Fany, you'll be feeding me, sheltering me and what else? Taking care of me?"

"I don't have a problem with any of that, so what's the problem?" She needs to stop looking at me that. I get so soft.

"What if, what if I can't support myself and I rely on you?"

What if we have a family and I can't support that family. What if I live in debt forever, I don't want her to be involved with it.

She didn't say anything else but hug me tightly. She drove us home, I sat quietly thinking about too many what ifs.

Quiet peaceful week was what we had. I was too sad to do anything so we stayed home in my natural habitat, eating playing games and getting babied by Fany.

It's not like she had any objections either, she let me be for the week, knowing I had too many things on my mind.

"Taeyeon-ah?"

"Hm." I mumbled, still drowsy from my nap. I rolled over to her, head hitting her thigh.

I opened one eye when she stayed silent, wondering what she was doing. She was in outsidey clothes and I couldn't remember why.

"Y-Your pills for your chest, your chest pains, t-they're a special order, right?" She kept stuttering and I realized she went to refill my prescription.

"Yeah?"

"They're expensive."

Shit, I forgot. I fucking forgot how costly my medications were.

"It's powerful stuff, the most efficient and effective thing on the market. Of course you'll be purchasing them for yourself. But now, I-I don't know if I can even afford this for you." She said, voice dripping with sadness and my alertness shot up. I sat up, stroking her arm.

I don't know what to even say.

Whatever the doctor recommended to me, the best treatment possible was the one I took.

I didn't even look at the price, money wasn't a problem. But now it's different, now I can't have them.

"Taeyeon? There's other ways to help you get better. Less expensive treatment, pills that'll do just as much."

"But it isn't the best." I muttered, taking the empty orange container from her hands and placing it on the nightstand.

"We have to settle with what we can afford now baby, I'm sorry." She reasoned, pecking me on the cheek.

"What are you sorry for? You did nothing wrong."

"We both know I want the best for you Taetae."

All I could think about was the impending medical bills that'll be stacked on us.

"Take care of yourself, exercise more, stop eating a bunch of junk and get some fresh air okay?"

"That sounds so lame." I groaned, hoping to light up the mood.

"But it'll make you stronger, you won't be in pain all that much."

"Jesus. Exercising what a nightmare."

She giggled, pushing my hair back. "Do this for me then? Will that motivate you?"

"I guess." I muttered.

She rubbed my back soothingly.

There's a lot of changes for me right now, to the point where it's overwhelming but with Fany here I don't think it's impossible.

Doable, but a lot to take in.

I felt her pulling my front up, making me lay on my back.

I questioned her motive but remained unmoved, lazy and too sleepy.

I felt her unbutton my pajamas spreading it wide open and her finger traced my skin, ending up on the very place I knew she would place it on.

I placed my hand on hers gently, opening my eyes drowsily to see her.

I sat up quickly when she pressed her palm flat against the left side of my chest, over my scar.

Her eyes were glistening and I panicked.

I poked her head. "H-Hey? Don't cry. Please don't cry." She shook her head in response, almost going into a full sob if she hadn't bite her lip.

"Wait, please stop leaking water. I have no idea what to do when someone cries?" When she cried harder I wanted to slam my head into the drawer a bunch of times.

I reached over and pulled out tissue after tissue, throwing it at her in panic.

Within 10 seconds the tissue box was empty, all the tear soaking papers were piled up onto her lap and when I glanced up she had a frustrated smile and choked out a laugh amidst her cry.

"You're so stupid." She mumbled, shoving my arm.

"That, I know very well."

I pulled her into my arms and patted her back, a bit glad that she stopped having a plumbing problem with her eye ducts.

See, Taeyeon: 1 , Emotions: 0.

"This is a no crying zone. Hours of operations to spring a leak with your vision balls occur between 4:05 AM and 4:06 AM."

"That's like a minute of crying."

"Don't question it Ms. Hwang, do you really want me to reduce it even further?"

"But it's already at a minute-"

"4:05:30 AM to 4:06:00 AM."

"That's 30 seconds!" She whined, I couldn't see her because it was smothered right into my shoulder.

"Whoops, looks like crying hours don't even exist anymore."

She grabbed the mountain of tissues on her lap and threw it at me, suddenly crawling into my lap.

We kissed, a couple of times but I didn't expect her to bite on my ear. She was nibbling it at first then it was a full on bite. Ow.

"Fany-ah. If you're gonna bite, you should do it in bed. It'll add to the excitement, ya feel?"

She pinched my side and shoved me away, huffing and tucking herself in bed.

I turned off the lamp and dug myself in between her tight blanket cocoon and cuddled my favourite piglet.

"Taeyeonie, promises to change his lifestyle. Taengo promises to get up everyday at 6 and go on your morning jogs. I promise to go on a juice cleanse with you, hell I'll even go to yoga class with you! We'll buy matching yoga mats. You'll be pink, I'll be blue. Come on Fany! Matching yoga mats!" I almost choked saying that. God, couple items still make me cringe to the bone.

"Taetae will also promise no more smoking, no more drinking. No more binge eating jellies or buying the entire ice cream tub at Baskin Robins." I'm going to bite my tongue on this.

My tongue rolled out more of my super late New Years resolutions and I don't know if I can emotionally fulfill some of them.

Like giving up jellies? Those were like drugs to me. Ice cream too, is snort it if I could. My blood has ice cream running through my veins.

"Can I promise you this? I promise I'd change for the better, you can add this on the list too." I asked quietly.

She turned around and held my cheeks, squishing it and I felt like her giant toy.

"Will you, Taetae will you keep your promises?" Her eyes had a bright glint.

I nodded, trying to move my head away from her pinching my cheeks.

"Loveable, you make yourself so loveable at times." She whispered, making the atmosphere very cheesy and romantic.

Hello, my name is Kim Taeyeon and I'm about to burst that bubble to become nonexistent. "I know." I said smugly. She deadpanned and dropped her hands to the side.

I let out a heart jerking gasp.

"Nooo." I whined, picking her hands back up and placed them on my cheeks, nuzzling into them feeling the warmth.

"Thank you, for trying and making an effort to change. I know it's hard baby, I know."

God I love it when I have her approval. Makes me feel all warm and happy.

"So, can I get sexy times for trying?"

"Sometimes you just wanna die, don't you Taetae?"

"I ruined the moment again didn't I?" I smiled, rubbing the back of my neck.

She turned around and I cuddled closer. I thought any moment now she'd kick me off the bed and jokingly play with me, but she didn't.

She grabbed my hand, pulling me close. Throughout the night she ran her thumb over the back of my hand and I slept well having her not reject me.

But in the back of my head while I went to work for the week it was a ticking time bomb.

How many days can I work till I have to resign, or till they kick me out.

I worried. I just need enough money to help pay for necessities like food and such.

I'm just glad I payed off Fany's mortgage on her car. But as for a house, we might have to bunker in with someone else till I can making money some other way.

I felt glum throughout the week, she asked me what was wrong and I told her exactly that.

She hummed, she always did. She sat beside me and rubbed my back always, kissing me on my cheek and telling me it's going to be okay.

Tonight I came home, dropping everything on the floor when I heard that there were investors pulling out of some sectors I had anchored.

That was my last hope of keeping the company afloat, we're going to be for sure in debt now.

I pulled at my tie, shuffling into the living room finding my favourite balls of fluff and piglet.

"Hi." I softly said when I looked up.

She knew, Fany knew as soon as she took a glance at me.

"You're not okay, come here." She placed her novel on the table and patted her lap.

Me being a sad little emo bitch I immediately complied, resting my head on her honey thighs as she stroked my head.

"I'll be here even when it gets bad. As long as you're okay and well that's all that matters, so stop being sad."

My heart went lub and then dub. And then it went all over the place to the point where I felt it pound almost out of my rib cage.

She's so good to me. She's always here for me. She takes care of me really well. There's not a moment where I can't find another reason to just fall in love with her all over again.

I'm stupid for pushing piglet away before, so stupid.

Someone should beat me up.

"I can't help it, sad is like my middle name." I muttered, crowning still being a negative ball of grouchiness.

"Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Kiss it better." I said happily. God gave me an opportunity and I, will gladly take it.

"Kiss what better, your money problem?"

"Sure. You can kiss me though, it'll make me feel much better.

She giggled and leaned down, her head hovering above mine and I couldn't resist her.

I'm given the chance and I sure as hell will take it.

"I think my middle name is happy now."

"Cheeseburger." She teased, pinching my nose and letting my head rest back onto her lap.

"Would you like fries with that?"

I heard small doggy feet tread the flooring and I peeked down at the bottom of the couch.

Prince and Princess both simultaneously tilted their heads when my face showed up.

I scooped both white fur balls in my arms and laid back down, cuddling them close as Fany resumed reading her book.

This was great, my beloved puppies in my arms, my lover caressing my chin absentmindedly while reading her book as I laid my head on her lap.

I felt, at home. This felt right. No more bad, just my safe haven.

"Just so you know, we're keeping Princess and that's final."

She sighed, nodding. "If it makes you happy then you can keep her."

"Just so you know, you make me happy." I almost gagged at my choice of words, but it was true.

"Alright Taengo, one more cheeseburger moment and I'm upgrading to a BigMac which means you'll be going into the dumpster. Far far away from me so I won't have to hear your sappiness. I never signed up for this."

I hate being cringey, I don't deal with that crap but if it makes Fany happy then sign me the fuck up.

I know she likes it.

I didn't say anything more but snuggled in a better position with her and my pups.

"Love you, Tae."

I hummed, knowing she said that to me because I was falling asleep.

Ah, her support is everything.


	28. Love Rain

**Stephanie Hwang**

"Right there Fany!"

"Fuck yes harder!"

"My fucking god that feels so good!"

"Come on baby, harder, faster!"

"That's the spot I fucking- yes! God damn it Fany!"

I sighed. "Are you done?" My hand was still scratching the middle of his back just like giving a dog some scratchies.

He moaned in content, smiling sheepishly. "Yes, my itchies went away." He said satisfied.

"Wow, who knew you were a screamer. I mean, I didn't expect you to be _this_ loud when I scratched your back."

"I have trouble reaching my back okay? Gosh." He rolled over on his back and smiled, jutting his lips out.

"What."

"Kissy?"

"Yeah, no."

"Why not."

"Wanna make love then?"

"N-no?" Tae didn't hesitate to haul me over his shoulder and run around the house before body slamming me down on the couch. In his mind I was his enemy and we were in the WWE.

"No, we are not doing this at this hour." I hissed, trying to push his face away from mine, avoiding his attacking lips.

"To hell with your rule, you're mine today." He grumbled and pulls off his shirt. I stop him and threw it back at him.

I pecked his nose and he pouted, pursing out his lips. I rolled my eyes. "I'm yours everyday and if you don't let me go I'm going to kick your ass out on the curb."

"That is if you can even reach with your small limbs. Go dress like a hot sexy baby, but not too sexy because men. We're going somewhere." He gets off me but still hovered above me, trapping me in between his arms.

I kicked his stomach and he only laughed and grabbed my foot before tugging me upwards and into the bathroom.

He pinned me against the wall and grinned. "Don't come out till you look like you're ready to seduce me. But not too much because once again, men. You're mine so don't think about finding another and leaving me."

As if.

I took a shower, a really long one. Then rummaged through my closet for the perfect outfit. Midway though I peeked through the closed curtains, and saw how gloomy the day was. The overcast clouds looked like it was about to spill and just like that, it started to rain.

Sometimes I hate the rain. It ruined so many things. I was never particularly fond of the rain either, reminded me of the night when mom passed. Gloomy, eerie and full of sadness.

"Baby?" He shouted. I grunted, trying to get my dress fitted the right way.

"Miyoungie?!" He continued and I rolled my eyes.

"What!" I shouted back, getting ticked off.

"Get your ass down here!" I even heard Prince bark too.

"I'm changing!"

"That was fucking 30 minutes ago, what the fuck are you doing in there?"

"I'm changing! Be patient Taeyeon!"

"Well hurry up, we don't got all day! God just put on a shirt or something, who the fuck are you trying to impress?!"

I quickly grabbed my purse and phone, opening the bedroom door and leaning over the railing meeting Tae's annoying face. "I'm trying to impress you! Stupid egg!"

"You already impress me, now get your booty down here Stephanie Young Hwang! We're late!"

"No! I haven't put on my lipstick yet!" I don't care, I'm storming back into the room and putting on my make up because it's my priority.

Couple minutes later I locked the door and got a few honks from Tae in his cocky luxury sports car and him rolling down the window.

"What the fuck did you do in there? Solve world hunger? Perform a heart transplant? Find a cure for cancer?" He shouts and starts honking his horn like no tomorrow.

"I was getting ready! Stop being a dick!" He starts laughing and I stomped my way into the car before punching him lightly in the leg.

"Careful, you don't want to break a priceless masterpiece." He dusts off his pants and revs up his engine and I can't tell you how much of a cocky pants this guy is.

"Whatever. So where are we going?"

"Date, with your bear."

"A date?"

"A date."

I gasped and had a mischievous smile. "Cute."

"I know, shocking." He agreed and bobbed his head, turning on the radio.

I kept asking him where we were going. He threatened to throw me out the car if I kept asking.

So I asked him some more and he just ignored me.

We arrived at his favourite lake, I remember because it was our first date and I wondered what he was up to.

Tae got out of the car carrying a bunch of items while running away from me.

"Taetae!" I shut the car door close and the trunk, almost tripping on myself.

I heard his obnoxious evil laugh but when he stopped and went behind some trees I didn't want to entertain him by being scared by him.

"Taeyeon stop being 12 and come out! You don't leave your date out in the open!"

I got impatient waiting for that stupid man child but when I circled around the tree he wasn't there.

Where the hell, did my bear go.

What is this, Alice in Wonderland? Is there a secret rabbit hole made bear hole that he magically fell down in?

I heard his whistle, his loud piercing whistle and I turned around and glanced up the hill.

He waved with both arms high in the sky and even then I saw his happy grin, his face dotted with a dimple.

I sighed, walking up the treacherous hill and almost dying.

"Come on pipsqueak, work those itty bitty legs!" He hollered, cheering me on like some motivator.

"Ugh."

"Ms. Hwang, I did not train you to be this slow! Faster, stronger! Don't stop the grind here pretty lady!"

"Taeyeon."

"March! March! Hup, two three four! Work it short stuff! We don't got all day here!"

"Shut up!"

"Come on walking nuggets, King Taeyeon will give you a kiss."

"I don't want a kiss! Carry me!" I stomped on my spot and crossed my arms, not wanting to climb up anymore.

He sighed and chuckled, jogging down hill and stopping right in front of me, he turned around and squatted.

"Express ride for one piglet."

"Stupid." I flicked his forehead and climbed on his back.

He hummed a tune, sounding really happy for some reason. It's the happiest I've ever seen him and it made me so warm.

"Mr. Happy, what's gotten into my glum Taetae?"

"I forgot how going on a date with you felt. It's like nothing matters but you, and only you."

"I am the only thing that matters."

"Pfft." He laughed and stopped in his spot. I slid off his back and peeked over his body.

A nice blue blanket laid on top of fresh gleaming glass. An assortment of food was in the middle of the blanket and like a true gentlemen Taetae bowed, and ushered me to my 'seat.'

"Awh, you're so cute." I cooed, pinching his cheek.

"Do you like the sandwich I made? It's the only thing I can make." He said proudly and I didn't have the heart to criticize him.

"Yes, and it's very delicious."

"Really?! Thank god. You see, I was looking it up on YouTube the other night and I wasn't sure if you liked the recipe but you do right?"

I smiled and nodded, wiping the corner of his lip with my thumb, crumbs seemed to really like Tae.

"Just tone down on the salt shaker just a tad bit next time okay?"

"Okay okay. Glad you like it piggy."

I continued nibbling on my sandwich and honestly it was very salty but I ate at least two anyways.

A little salt wouldn't hurt anybody, and I'd rather see Taeyeon happy. He was glowing when he had my approval.

"Hey remember when you punched my gut out and left a narly bruise?" He said with a sheepish grin.

"Don't remind me. You deserve every bit of that hit after what you said about Jessi's boobs." I growled, narrowing my eyes at him. Plus, I didn't think his bruises would last that long either. I must've super sonic punched him that day.

He lifted his shirt up and chuckled happily, pointing at the two still prominent purple circle like bruises.

"They look like Micky Mouse ears if you draw his face underneath." He stuck his tongue out and took my hand. "Here, look." He closed my hand into a fist and brought it up to one of his 'Micky Mouse ear' bruises. "Your fist fits perfectly! Well then again it would, right? Since you know, your hand was the cause of these."

"Okay stop you're making me feel bad. I didn't think I'd punch you that hard okay." I muttered.

"I didn't think so either, hey you'd be pretty good at beating up bad guys if you trained hard enough." He said seriously. I stared at him in disbelief and then he bursts out laughing.

I rolled my eyes, lifting up his shirt to rub his bruises. "Sorry." I muttered. Ugh, can't believe I can cause damage.

"It's fine, I can take a little beating from piglet. It didn't hurt though, plus I know you were just being playful despite fuming and about to set the house ablaze." This egg.

"You say stupid stuff I can't help it."

"Hey, that's what Sunny said too." He was so smiley, so happy and I didn't want to question it so I didn't.

I pushed him to lay on his back and laid on his side, feeling his arms wrap around me.

"Feed your king his own sandwiches." He commanded.

I sighed, almost done with he antics. I grabbed his homemade saltwich and he opened real wide. I stuffed the entire sandwich in his mouth and it looked pretty gross.

I was amused when he sat up coughing, realizing what he just ate and started spitting the food in his mouth away and wiping his tongue furiously with a napkin.

"Dude! That's the saltiest fucking thing I've ever had in my life! That was disgusting! How could you have eaten two Fany-ah?!"

I shrugged. "You're cute, you tried and I didn't want to blow your confidence so I put up with your sandwich. It was only just two anyways."

"Blargh! That was fucking nasty! I wish you could've just told me I was a bad cook, now you're going to be dehydrated from all that salt and I didn't come here making my shitwiches out of love to harm my piglet!" He went off on a heated rant and cursed himself.

I laid back on the blanket and laughed, covering my mouth every time I did because I giggled too much. I couldn't even see him from the way my eyes curved. He barked at me, saying how 'it's not funny! The FDA would've put a warning on my food. This is a health hazard!' My hands were clapping like a seal and I doubled over in laughter.

Taeyeon, is my favourite.

When I calmed down and wiped the tears from the corner of my eyes, I rolled over to Tae who had a clean grin on his face.

"Wanna know why I brought you out here?" He said in a sing song voice.

"Why?" Now I was skeptical.

"Is was our first date." He said proudly.

"Here? This exact lake?" I figured.

"Yup, on the boat I bought your dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets too. I think we had our second kiss too."

I gasped. "You still remember that?!"

"What do you mean!"

"I didn't think you'd remember any of that." I'm blown away. My socks are all the way on the moon.

"Come on, give me more credit Fany-ah. I'm trying."

"I know, I know. Sorry. It's just you know, you're kind of an airhead."

He choked and sat up, eyes in confusion. "What?!"

"No no I mean like, when it comes to dating?" I carefully said, not really.

He jutted his lips out all silky and cute like. "I know a few tricks up my sleeve, I'm not that clueless."

"I know, I know but I mean like. You're a little clueless. You're always so nervous. I remember one date you asked if you could hold my hand."

"I was nervous! I thought you were mad at me!"

"Okay, okay." I rolled on top of him and kissed his pout.

I played with his hair and he let me silently do whatever I wanted for a couple of minutes.

I have to admit Taetae with a hand behind his head looking at me smugly was so hot.

But in an instant he broke that cool, chill, hot as frick demeanour and flashed me some crazy eyes and a weird ahjumma laugh.

"I totally forgot, we have to claim this hill babycakes."

"Claim? Do we get to name it?"

"Yes. I already made a little flag. Check it out yo." He dig around the picnic basket and pulled out a skimpy looking small stick with a blue and pink napkin attached to one end.

"Did you make that."

"In the car while you were sleeping on the way here, yes. Yes I did. I'd like to say I'm an artist now, but that's a long shot."

I took it from his hand and almost died of cuteness.

He drew a pig on it, and a bear. Then I squinted at the black sharpie wording.

"Taeny?"

"Our ship name and our hill name. I call this, TaeNy Hill." He said proudly, shining his million dollar smile.

"Let's come up with something, better, more creative and less cliche." I interjected and his jaw dropped.

"Wowie."

"Bear Hill." I suggested and he frowned immediately.

"But, but it's ours! And I want you to be included!"

"Bear Hill." I repeated.

"That's not creative." He complained, deepening his frown.

"Whatever, better than your sappy crap."

"I'm trying to be romantic and a can of easy spray cheese but you're shutting me down mercilessly."

"Sorry, it's reality."

He grabbed the stick from me and stabbed it violently in the grass and dirt beside us, letting our flag wave proudly.

"Bear Hill, as claimed by Taeyeon and Fany."

"What's next, carving our names into trees?" I joked, but he could've done that. Nothing is stopping him from going all out.

"You wanna see me go that far? You can't stop me Hwang Miyoung. I'll get as cheesy as cheese whiz."

"That stuff isn't even real cheese."

"Okay stop attacking me and bringing me down, I'm trying to make a point. Got it? Got it."

I love him, I love Taeyeon so much.

"By the way, what do you think about us so far?"

"We're cute, and unstoppable. I love us." I said honestly.

He scrunched up his face at my choice of words and I pinched his nose, not letting go till he whined and spewed out threats about ripping my stuffed monkey apart.

"Why are you asking? Are you insecure? It seems like we're reminiscing so much about our relationship."

"We're remembering the good days, because it's our 1 year anniversary Fany."

I gasped. He remember, but I didn't?! Who was counting?! I wasn't even counting, okay I was but?!

I sat up in disbelief, eyeing him to see if he was serious or not and this brown eyes did not fail me. He was 100% serious and I wanted to roll myself off this hill into the lake and drown.

"Y-You're surprising me like every second today Taeyeon, I think I'm going to faint."

"Come here, give me some Fany points for this. Like at least 500,000."

"For what, for being romantic and cheese and being a total cutiepie for remembering our 1 year anniversary when I didn't?"

He nodded disgustingly. I knew he wasn't' the type to be like this, but I can't help it but love him so much when he does this just for me. It makes me feel like I'm the only one he cares about, his one and only girl?

"Bitch, you get a million Fany points."

"So, wanna make out?" He asked with a cheeky smile.

I kissed his lips, but then he took initiative and kissed me harder, lips tugging mine and by the time we were giggling and rolling all over the blanket with his hand on my thigh I pulled away when I heard some distant talking.

I didn't think I would hear another voice around this lake but I did.

I sat up and pulled on Taeyeon's shirt. He looked at me with disappointment, sad that I stopped what we were doing. I glared and he surrendered, sighing.

He grumbled and sat up too, eyeing the same figures I saw getting closer and closer to us.

"T-Taeyeon?" I whispered. "I thought you said no one knew about this place."

"They don't?" He said quietly. He held my waist tightly, picking up the butter knife beside his plate.

I slid off his lap, going behind his back. My hands were clutching the fabric of his shirt and when he stood up I went along too. Tae was tall, and by tall I meant always towering over me so I could never see past his broad wide shoulders or body in that matter.

But when he dropped the blunt weapon in his hold and it made a clinking sound against the glass plate beside his foot, I peeked from his body.

I recognized Heechul, he was helping a middle aged woman up the hill.

Taeyeon rushed to their side, leaving me at our little picnic area.

He helped the woman by holding her arm but the woman moved her arm out of his hold. Heechul stood immediately caught that and stood between the two, shoving Taeyeon back harshly to the point where he stumbled on the ground.

I ran to Tae's side, helping him back up just to see a huffing and puffing Heechul.

"Son, no fighting please." The woman said, and I'm going to assume she was Heechul's mom.

"Mrs. Kim, I'm sorry again." Taeyeon said lowly. What was he even sorry for, yet again?

Mrs. Kim limped over to me, it seemed like she had trouble walking but she had a sweet smile and held my hand.

We both sat down at the blanket and just had a light conversation.

But I couldn't stop looking at the two boys that seem to be having a heated talk.

When their voices started to get louder, and their shoves got intense I glanced over to Mrs. Kim.

"What's happening?"

"Did Taeyeon tell you?" I shook my head.

"I've seen those two grow up, like brothers along with Jonghyun and Kris. I have a feeling their fight won't be resolved by the end of this." She said, followed by a sigh.

I cut an apple for her, peeling the skin carefully while hearing Heechul and Taeyeon scream at each other.

I have no idea what's happening.

"You can't do that to me again, I can't believe you!"

"Please, it's just one more thing, please Hyung, I beg you!"

"You fucking bastard! You just had the balls to ask me for a favour you fuck-"

Taeyeon suddenly went on his knees, grabbing onto Heechul's hand.

Mrs. Kim looked away, but I didn't.

"Hyung! Please!" Taeyeon begged.

"Don't call me that! I don't want anything to do with you!" Heechul then yanked his hand away from Taeyeon and walked away.

Mrs. Kim sighed and I helped her up, calling after Heechul to take after his mom.

"Take care, Stephanie." She said with a warm smile, and without a doubt she oozed that motherly charm.

I waved a goodbye and me and Heechul caught eyes. He merely nodded at me then walked away with his mom without anything another word.

I turned around and lost my human bear. He wasn't there anymore

What a wild coarse of events, really.

I found him sitting against a tree, and I pulled him up. I didn't care if he was sad or whatever right now.

At this moment it was us, and we were celebrating our 1st year together.

But when I tried to get him to at least talk about it he didn't let up.

I sighed, grabbing the car keys from his pocket.

I started to pack things up and walk away from his and he stared.

He caught up to me sometimes later and touched my shoulder.

"A-Are we leaving?"

"Yup since you don't want to talk and you're closing me off. I thought this was a date, apparently not."

He frowned and I knew he felt bad but I told him to get in the car so I could drive us both home.

He was quiet, and didn't say much. Even when we got home I cooked dinner for the both of us and still at the dinner table he didn't say anything.

Whatever happened to the promise of no more secrets Taeyeon.

My patience was running thin.

I walked into bedroom, letting Prince and Princess run in then I picked them up and placed them on the bed.

On such a gloomy night I wanted to catch up on my reading.

I guess if it wasn't obvious enough it was. A big large brown envelope was sitting on top of my book, with the familiar handwriting across it.

 _Miyoung_

So it was addressed to me?

I opened the brown packet, seeing loads of white paper mail unopened shoved deep inside.

I pulled a clump out, examining it to be a bunch of bank statements.

I let out a deep breath, knowing how these have gotten unread and unopened for days.

He didn't want to look at it, and honestly I didn't either.

But when he was so upset and sad that he couldn't even buy me a bouquet of flowers I suspected it gotten bad.

I didn't understand, I thought he was wealthy, extremely wealthy.

A mansion, a cabin, a safe house, yacht, and an entire garage of European cars.

That's a lot.

So I didn't get it, couldn't he just sell all those things and pay it back? How bad is it that selling all his luxury items wouldn't make a difference.

I ripped open one of the bank statements and sighed at the negative numbers.

He owes, too much. Is this even possible?

Inside the package was another set of papers in a folder, his company's year end balance sheet.

The company had a credit balance. The number was twice as big as Tae's personal account and I looked in between Tae's and his companies ledgers.

He tried to put money in to help the company along but I guess it didn't work out.

I snooped around some more mail, trying to find a list of actions he had done within his account.

A lot was taken out, and it was very rare money was put in. If it was, it was so minuscule you might as well say it never happened.

Money transfers weren't identified so I couldn't see where it went. But it didn't take much to guess that it went to the triad because that's what I heard over the phone many times when he kept talking about them and money.

I ran my hand through my hair, I didn't know what to say.

This wasn't particularly directly my problem but it was Tae's and I know how hard this is pulling him.

I looked at Tae's side of the bed, hands running across the cold spot.

I glanced over at my favourite picture of us at the pier and managed to crack a smile.

The stuffed duck I gave to him long ago was sitting right beside it. Cute.

"Fany?" I heard Tae's small shy voice and I looked up.

He had a concerned worry distressed face going on there and he walked carefully to me.

"I'm sorry, but I read it."

"I left it on your nightstand for a reason. I wanted you to know."

"Taeyeon-ah."

"How bad is it, Fany?" He interrupted, looking a bit eager.

"Honestly?"

He nodded.

"It's, bad." I whispered. He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'm lost as to how I'll fix it." In that small same voice I felt myself crumbling along with him.

"You're smart, I think you'll find a way. Legally." I tried to shine some light on it but the numbers were too big. I have no idea how either.

He chuckled bitterly. "That triad costed me so much. I want to burn it to the ground." I heard how desperate his voice was and I nodded.

I pulled his hand gently, making him come closer to me. He bent down, resting his head on my shoulder and I took the opportunity to rub his back and his ear.

"Taetae, you need to see it for yourself."

"I don't, I really don't. There's a reason why I left so many unopened, I don't want to see my accumulating debt."

"What are you afraid of?"

He didn't reply. He unlatched himself from me and picked up the brown folder and the rest of the documents, placing them in a paper shredder one by one.

He flipped them over so the typed print was facing me, he really avoided seeing what was happening with him and his company.

I figured he probably gathered that it was pretty bad.

"You will be okay, trust in yourself. I won't let you fall Taetae."

"How long will you hold me up for?"

"As long as I can."

"When it gets too bad you can let go."

I don't want to hear that. It reminds me of the time Heechul said that when our relationship gets too be I can go and nobody would blame me.

"I will resign."

"You will?"

"I'm a bad leader, an incompetent boss."

"Is that the right decision?" I asked carefully.

"Yes."

I breathed in and out slowly. "Then I will support you no matter what."

"Wanna make out?" He asked suddenly, out of the blue.

"Wha- What?!"

"Sorry it came out but when you're all supportive it makes me want to make love to you and kiss you 24/7."

I almost face palmed. Almost.

"You really are keeping up with you're honesty policy." I mumbled, looping my arms around his neck.

"I promised, so everything will be honest."

"Wanna start off by telling me what's happening with Heechul."

He looked away but took my hand in his, laying both of us down as our shoulders touched.

He told me what happened the night at Sunny's cabin, explaining how he was wrong and how Heechul smacked some sense into him to get he courage to talk to me. Albeit it wasn't a pretty talk, but at least Taeyeon managed to grow some balls.

I felt myself leaning into Tae when I heard about Mrs. Kim. Taetae blamed himself and I didn't know if that was the right thing to say.

Was it his fault, I don't know because of my limited knowledge about the events that happened before.

When he said Heechul made him leave his house saying how he was done being Taeyeon's guinea pig, Tae's eyes seemed just a bit glazy but he didn't shed a tear.

It must've been hard to see someone you looked up to, a brother almost to walk away like that. Someone you grew up with and cherished.

I still couldn't wrap my mind around Taeyeon losing Jonghyun. He was so upset over it. Imagine how he is with Heechul? I couldn't

The time at the park Taeyeon begged for Heechul to come back, to help him get out of it.

I admired Tae's determination. He's hard working, yes but I couldn't help but think about how this was all because of me.

I realize this was for me, and I understand why he wanted to leave. To be on good terms with his little affiliate so we can live in peace.

He's tired, I know he is.

I laid there beside him listening intently. All his concerns, stories and little hiccups I heard it all. Tonight I wasn't going to read my novel but listen to him.

The upcoming days were alright, I sent Taeyeon to work, reminding him that there's always tomorrow to finish things up and go about his day.

He would gloat and try to make excuses to not go to work. He can't avoid his challengers and run away, I taught him this because I had first hand experience.

I made him a homemade lunchbox everyday as a driving force for him to go to work, a bento. It made me get up extra early to make it all look pretty and full of his favourite food but at this sensitive time it needed to be done.

It made him smile and every sigh bit of food down to the last grain of rice was eaten when I opened his container to wash out for the next day.

That made me happy.

On a particular night the loud banging of the front door made me sit up real fast. Being alone in a spacious mansion that could house 6 families scared me. Every time I heard a sound I'd wake Taeyeon up to check it out. It was always him answering the door and not me. Since Taeyeon said he'd come home late from work today, I went to sleep early hoping that he'd be here when I woke up. But he wasn't.

I take a hockey stick off Taeyeon's memorabilia wall and walk down the stairs quietly. The banging of the door gets louder and louder as I approach it and with Prince and Princess behind me barking, it wasn't helping.

I stand on my tippy toes trying to reach the peep hole. I get a glimpse of a man in a silver suit with his hair down and I recognize the silky black hair immediately followed by the contour of the back of his neck.

I open the door immediately and Taeyeon stumbles in, whisky bottle in hand and two bloody hands. The smell of cigarettes and alcohol filled the room and I glanced at Key who was panting.

I held my breath.

"What happened." I said, looking at the man huddled against my legs and feet.

"W-We were just getting his drunk ass out of the club, we turned a corner to the back parking lot and he got jumped." Key said breathless, sliding down the door frame to sit.

Key looked fine, just sweating profusely and breathless. Aside from the streak of blood tainted on his shirt sleeve I'm going to assume he did all the fighting? The fending off?

I stared at the mess of a man on the floor, grumbling nonsense and slurring.

Taeyeon. Drunk. He went to the club again. My disappointment and anger stared to grow bigger to the point where I felt like it would've popped.

"Why . ." I questioned not to cure my curiosity, but to know answers as to why this would happen.

"I don't fucking know ask your husband. Fuck, I'm starting to think he got jumped for his horrible choice of polo shirts."

I had to giggle, Tae's polo shirt was pretty ugly. I never knew he owned a striped green and white one.

"Girl, get this boy in check. I didn't come back to baby him. Apparently he owes some money to a loan shark or whatever." He nudged Taeyeon's side with his foot and scoffed. "Bye fashion terrorist, get a good nights rest you crayon looking thing."

He shut the door closed and left me dragging Tae inside.

"Taeyeon-ah. What happened to you, oh my god." I reach for him trying to sit him up but he doesn't budge. All I hear are groans and mumbles.

I lift his head up with the palms of my hand just to see a black eyed Taeyeon with a cut on his lip. His right cheek was swollen and bruised while he moaned at my touches on his face.

"Taeyeon-ah, What did you do this time?" I say softly still palming his face.

"I love my wife." He slurs, his head bobbing and mouth ajar.

"Your wife?" He better say my name or he has a lot of explaining to do.

"Fany, wifey." He grumbles, hands wavering in the air.

I place the whisky bottle on the hall table. I take his shoes off one by one, he kicks them off and I untie his tie, pulling his jacket off and leaving it on the floor.

I start unbuttoning his shirt, only to have my hands swatted away furiously. "Stop! I have a girlfriend!" He hollers, having an immediate frown plastered on his face. I smiled at that though, at least he's faithful. I guess.

I drape his arm over my shoulder and help him up the stairs. We fell a couple of times and it was a struggle to even make it to the bed but when he laid down he fumbled with his shirt. I help him unbutton them despite the protests and he drifts in and out of sleep. It was like he was conscious and unconscious at the same time.

Hauling a bucket of water from the bathroom to the bed sucked, I could barley hold a water bucket but I could carry my 200 lb like bear up the stairs.

I take the cloth wiping off the blood from his hands and then Tae's chest. He mumbles a bunch of nonsense and tried to smack my cloth away but I just patiently wait it out observing my Tae.

Broken promises. Whatever happened to my reformed and changed Taeng? He promised me that he'd be better. But I guess change comes slowly, and I have to give him credit for trying.

Old habits die hard.

"I'm sorry, Miyoung." He mumbles, hand grasping the bed sheet.

He suddenly sat up and pressed a finger on the lips." Don't, tell my girl. She will hate me." He then laid back down and sprawled out on the bed.

"Tell her what?" I asked, still wiping his body. Dried blood sucked.

He started to gurgle and it was concerning. "I go to club. I d-drink. I-I burrowed money. I didn't pay back. I f-fight, I get hurt. I touched triad." He hiccuped midway and his head lolled to the side.

"She's going to k-kill me." He slurred.

I couldn't help but stifle a little laugh. He was partially right.

"Why did you go?"

"Seolhyun asked me, I th-thought Hyung go too?"

Ah, his obsession with his beloved Hyung. But the name Seolhyun made me so pissed off.

Taeyeon told me what happened with her, everything at Sunny's cabin.

To me, she had a feeling I couldn't shake off. I couldn't explain why, jealousy? The fact that he's her ex?

I knew they were good friends, so there was that but it didn't help. I don't want to question Tae but I can't help it.

"I-I failed F-Fany. I'm so s-stupid." He said, mouth agape. His eyes were blood shot and were drooping closed.

"Miyoungie, forgive. F-Forgive me." He stars to hit himself, and I sat there confused and flustered. Oh my god.

"I-It's all my fault, s-stupid me." He growled, his hands hitting his face harder and by the time I held his wrists firmly his cheeks were already stinging red.

My heart broke, this sight as not good. It was a cursed image.

"I forgive you, Taeyeon-ah. I forgive you."

I don't know if he heard me but when he yanked his hands free from my hold and formed a fist.

"N-No. F-Fany d-doesn't deserve this! She doesn't! You h-hear me?!" He started to abruptly yell and it freighted me.

Oh Tae. My little bear.

I thought he was going to start hitting himself again, so I sat on top of his hips, hands holding his wrist firmly once again.

I'm not going to see him beat himself up over this, whatever was haunting him we can talk about it.

A few minutes of struggling he finally loosened his force, his fist opening up.

"I-I love you, Fany. S-So much." He choked and when I glanced up from his shaky hands I didn't expect him to. . cry.

Tears were streaming out of his eyes but he didn't look at me. He was looking off to the side.

Oh my heart rattles in its cage, aching for him.

My hands went up to wipe them away and he didn't push me away at all from the gesture.

When he had enough and stopped having tears stream down his cheeks he moved his face away and I pulled back.

He had a frown on his face and burped, a hiccup followed and then he was out cold.

Sleeping soundly, and by soundly I mean snoring.

I breathed out a sigh of relief.

I sat exhausted on the edge of the bed observing him.

My eyes started to water. He's so, problematic. But it doesn't make me love him less. For the things he does that isn't problematic, he's a charmer. A little fluff. My best friend.

"You were fine days ago Taeyeon-ah, what's wrong?"

"What happened to you? Did you forget about the promises you made?"

"I don't. . .understand. Make me understand Taetae?"

"You know I love you, right?" I whispered my last confession to him.

Whatever it was can be left tomorrow.

I put away the bucket and cloth, helped him change into a different set of clothes even though it was a challenger and laid the covers on top of him.

I went underneath the sheets, pressing my front against his back.

Today, he was my little spoon.

I'll always take care of him, no matter what.

Despite my restless night with thoughts clouding my mind I still got up and prepared things for him.

I cut up an orange for him, leaving it on a plate beside a bottle of water and some medicine.

On a sticky note I wrote,

 _Take two with water. Breakfast is in the oven. Come see the kids if you're sober enough._

 _I love you, and we'll talk when I get home._

 _\- Steph_

I placed it on the pill bottle and glanced at the sleeping man.

Hopefully you'll be okay. But I'm disappointed in you. I'm angry at you, I'm a whole lot of things at you. There's nothing I can say to you right now other than you promised me.

I left for work and glared at the sky for being as gloomy and threatening to rain as it was. "I'm walking to work today, and walking home. Don't you dare cry on me sky."

As usual I stopped by the bagel shop and greeted Mr. Moon getting an everything bagel with cream cheese as I walked through the park. I dropped the change I usually had every time I bought my breakfast into the homeless mans cup I always passed by, he tipped his hat and had a charming smile.

"Mrs. Hwang!" Mr. Kang was always out here selling flowers early in the morning in his little bike cart, and if it wasn't flowers it would be icecream later in the day. I smiled and waved, he biked over to me and gave me a tulip. "Free of charge for a pretty lady!" He said with a rough chuckle.

I bowed and thanked him, but I instinctively dug around my purse for some money to give to him. He said it was okay, once again repeating it was free of charge for a pretty lady. "Tell your wife I hope she's okay!"

"Will do Ms. Hwang!" He biked off and I continued walking to work. I started off my day with a smile and a surprise of coffee on my desk thanks to Siwon.

 _New principle, that's me. I'm your boss now :) Complimentary refreshment!_

 _\- Boss Man Siwon_

I laughed and made a note to find him later.

I greeted Anna who came in with her Grandma, giving me a homemade cupcake to top it all off.

A sweet morning.

It wasn't until around the afternoon I heard a small knock and a bunch of squealing happy kids turn around and run towards the door.

"Uncle Taetae!"

Taeyeon arrived, and he didn't disappoint the kids. He showed up with a plate of snacks and some new toys for the class room.

He was like Santa Clause. More like Santae.

He glanced up at me with an apologetic smile, happy that the kids liked to crowd him.

I nodded and let I'm interrupt my class.

We didn't say anything for the remainder of the time, he just stood in the back helping out if he could.

He was careful. But nonetheless slapped on a hearty smile for the kids.

I shook my head and got the tables and stations ready for some finger painting.

I squeezed the paint into the dishes and Tae kept the kids busy by telling them a story with his sound effects and roars. They seemed captivated enough so I had time to place the paper on each child's seat.

"Muffins! Go sit at a table and wait for an adult to tie an apron around you."

Like obedient munchkins they all arrived at their assigned seating c kicking and squealing in their seats at the sight of a new activity.

The both of us finished tying green aprons around the kids, by forgetting to put one around Anna's bunny too. Then I remembered about my duty after school.

"Taeyeon-ah?" I called, walking towards him.

"Yes Ms. Hwang?"

I leaned in closer and he froze in place, eyes widening. I held his chin and turned it to the side, whispering into his ear.

"Can you walk Anna home today? I have a staff meeting till 4 today."

"Y-Yes Ms. Hwang." He stuttered and wiped his hands on his own apron.

"Thanks." I let go of his chin and patted his cheek, turning around to almost bump into Anna.

"Ms. Hwang, will you take me home today?" She said with pretty eyes.

I knelt down to her height, patting her arm. "I can't sweetheart, but Uncle Taetae will?"

She smiled and skipped happily to Tae, wrapping her itty bitty arms around his neck begging for a piggy back ride.

I smiled as I watched those two.

Ever since the first day those two met, it was like total linkage.

Inseparable those two.

Anna grew to be less introverted and more outgoing. She got along well with some of the classmates in here but it never bothered her when she was alone.

She's like Tae, in terms of personality.

"Ms. Hwang?" I felt a tap on my shoulder and I turned around, almost walking into a big tall muscular chest.

And it wasn't Tae's.

"Mr. Choi! Hi!" I squeaked, still smelling the lingering scent of spicy wood in my nose.

Siwon chuckled and handed me a piece of paper to sign. One of those field trip contract things I had to be responsible for.

"Taeyeon's here?"

"Yeah, the kids like him."

"Hm, acts like one too." I nudged his side. He wasn't very fond of Tae and he made it very clear to me.

Ever since we had reunited at the cabin and him hearing me and Taeyeon do the 'love' Siwon has been bitter, very bitter.

It didn't take two to figure out Siwon was coming onto me, asking me on dates and stuff. He was being way too nice, nicer than the times we dated in high school.

I didn't expect him to be here in L.A, and working the same school as me.

He was the new principle, since the old one happened to retire.

Me and Siwon studied at different universities but same majors, so our jobs were bound to be close or related in a way. We just didn't happen as a couple after high school and went our ways.

He was my first ever boyfriend, and I thank him for setting a good example. Unlike Nichkhun.

"Coming for the staff meeting?" He says with a warm smile and I honestly forgot how attractive he looks. He's well groomed, tall just the way I like it and those dimples on both sides of his face still made me sweat like a fangirl.

"Yup."

"Right, wanna get dinner after that? I heard there's a really nice sushi place-" I put him on mute as I eyed my two children in the corner relatively close to us.

My selective hearing developed as I became a teacher, an educator of young minds who liked to yap and scream half the time.

Tae and Anna hid behind the castle play pen, Tae's body was so big he was sticking out of the side. He couldn't even duck down if he wanted to, his head was sky rocketing out of the castle roof.

It was adorable, seeing his size compared to a 5 year old. What a cutiepie.

"You see him? He's ugly, he's mean and he's the evil guy we need to save Ms. Hwang from." Taeyeon pointed and Anna had to stand up to peer over the plastic castle wall to see what he was pointing at.

"But he gave me candy!" She whined, pouting in the process.

"Uncle Taetae will give you candy, point is we can't let the enemy take what's our Anna!" He hissed.

"B-But-"

"No buts! We have to save Ms. Hwang from Mr. Bad guy!"

I smiled unconsciously and Siwon saw that, poking me in the arm to ask me what I was being so happy about.

"Huh?"

"Dinner?" He said, looking behind him in suspicion.

I saw how Taeyeon was frowning, throwing daggers at the back of Siwon's head but immediately ducked around the toy castle, almost falling over in his ridiculous position. He's so big, I knew Siwon knew he was there.

"Uncle Taetae! Mr. Bad guy is looking at us!" Anna hollered in amusement/

"Shh, shh!" He hissed, cupping her mouth and pulling her in his lap making her sit there as they both hid from our sights.

I saw Anna throw her stuffed bunny at Taeyeon's head and I returned my attention back to Siwon. Kind of.

"Can't do dinner tonight, sorry. I'm not really feeling well. Next time?"

He nodded. "Ah, sure. Rain check?"

"Rain check." I said happily.

he scratched the back of his head and rolled on his heel, clearing his throat.

"See you at the meeting, Fany?"

I nodded. "There better be refreshments or I'm kicking your ass and filing a complaint to the super intendant for the worst principal replacement ever." I warned jokingly.

"I'm going to go buy cookies right now." He said in horror, scurrying out of my classroom.

An hour later I dismissed my herd of kids, sending them home. I made sure Anna was okay with Taeyeon, giving her that daily hug she always wanted from me every time I walked her home but today it'll be Uncle Taetae.

"Be good okay Anna? Take care of Uncle Taetae for me, he can be a little lost sometimes." I joked and he she smiled.

"Uncle Taetae will take care of me, right Ms. Hwang?" I nodded and fixed her pigtails. I patted Mr. Bunbun goodbye and stood up.

"I'll see you at home after the meeting okay?" I said to Taeyeon quietly.

"Okay." He said with yearning eyes, he gave me that look and I knew very well he wanted to say something more. I know, because that week of giving him a cold shoulder proved to be entertaining. He was like a lost puppy following me around aimlessly.

I caught him practicing in front of a mirror, rehearing all the possible lines he would say to me. In the end he never did say anything to me, just stood behind me twiddling his thumbs before saying sorry and rushing out of the room.

I always had a good laugh at it. I needed to tease him about it, but not too much because little bear is a bit sensitive.

Fixing her jacket one more time and making sure Mr. Bunbun was tucked, Anna gave me one more hug. "Bye, Anna, bye Tae." I whisper.

"Bye Ms. Hwang!" Anna gleefully announced, almost dragging Tae out of the classroom.

Taeyeon nervously looked at me. "Bye Fany."

I waved at the two that started walking but when Tae stopped and turned around I stopped too.

"I love you Fany-ah?" He said softly, eyes looking like they were glazy.

I nodded, and smiled. Hoping it'll reassure him for his little walk with Anna. I love you too, my Taebear.

He took Anna's hand once again and walked to the gates, opening it and closing it behind him. He let Anna lead him to her house, and I'm sure those two will be okay.

I went to the boring staff meeting, talking about nonsense that didn't really concern me. It was mainly to address the new replacement principle which was Siwon and some budget cuts that always ticked me off.

I sat there stirring my cup of tea, dunking my biscuit into it and nibbling on it to entertain myself. I made a little cat with the foam of my coffee and I smiled at the thought of Tae probably making some lewd images like the childish man he is.

"Ms. Hwang?" Siwon's voice was always honey like, dripping with warmness. Coziness, he was like a wooden cabin that you would go up to on a winter day, sipping on hot chocolate.

"Y-Yes?" I snapped out of my day dream and glanced up to see Siwon in front of me.

"You okay? You seem, distant."

"Oh, nothing. Just not feeling well." I lied through my teeth.

"Wanna talk about it?" He said, placing his hand on my arm. I smiled at the gesture, still caring and gentle after all these years Siwon?

Heard he was super religious now, he carries a bible with him everywhere or so I've heard.]

"I'm fine, trust me. Just a little drained out from chasing after kids who had paint all over their hands, and trust me. That's not a mess you want to clean up on walls. Nope."

He laughed and was about to say something but a couple of my colleagues asked for him and he smiled apologetically, strolling over to them.

I looked at the watch on my wrist, 4:00 PM time for me to go home and nap.

I placed the empty tea cup in the trash, bidding goodbye to people who happened to be in the way of my exit.

As soon as I stepped out the school doors my foot stopped at the wet pavement, glancing up underneath the tiled roof to see dark clouds, strong winds and just a down pour of water that looked like it'll hurt and not stop any time soon.

I sighed, rummaging my bag for something like maybe an umbrella, a poncho? Raincoat from my Disneyland date with Taetae? Hell, even a book would help. At least it would cover my head.

Just my luck that I had nothing. I even went back to my classroom to see if there was a lost umbrella or something. I couldn't find anything and I just wanted to go home and nap, see my dogs and maybe cuddle and make up with Tae.

I settled with a children's book, a hardcover one. That's $15 down the drain if this gets water damaged badly, which it probably will.

But when I stepped out one last time my heart lurched for the man standing in front of me with a big blue umbrella.

He looked so shy, so small and so nervous it was like the first date all over again.

I wanted to run up to him and kiss him, cuddle him and tell him he's cute.

Then again, I remembered the drunk night he had and just a part of me wanted to be careful with him. Like I needed to teach him a lesson almost.

I treaded carefully to him. "Taeyeon-ah." I called gently.

"Hi Ms. Hwang." He says in a small voice and that coming from some tall muscular guy was really funny.

"What are you doing here?"

He scratched the back of his head and brought the umbrella over our heads."Walk you home? It's raining."

So, he came all the way here without a car, just to walk me back home?

Cute.

He cleared his throat and opened the umbrella, stepping out in the rain before extending his hand out for me.

I wanted to hide my smile, but I couldn't. I think he saw and became even more shy.

I took his hand and stayed close to him, trying to squeeze underneath the area of the umbrella.

Taeyeon was too big, took up so much space. I felt like I was squished outside but I know he didn't mean that.

We continued to walk, and I had an ever growing fear of being soaked but when I noticed after 10 minutes I was as dry as a desert I looked at my body guard bear.

His entire left shoulder was drenched, his back was too, his shirt clinging onto him.

I looked up, seeing the culprit. The umbrella was angled to me, leaving his left body exposed.

He even took smaller steps, taking into consideration that he has longer legs and therefore took bigger steps. I wouldn't have been able to keep up with him if he hadn't.

I reached up, touching the silver bar of the umbrella to try and angle in back straight so it'll cover both of us fairly.

Both of us would get wet somehow, but it'd be equal.

But Taebear's too strong. He had a grip on that umbrella, not letting me change it or angle it in any shape or form. He insisted quietly to keep it on my side and by the time I tried to push and pull the umbrella I gave up.

Our height difference sucked though, it was inevitable that we'd get kind of wet. He's too tall, I'm somewhat small. Umbrellas can't shield us away from the harsh elements of rain that likes to fall down in a stupid way.

On the inside I felt like a smorgasbord of unicorn, rainbows and happiness just puked all over my feelings.

He's so cute, so gentle. My gentle Taeng.

It didn't help that he was shy and timid, I wanted to squish his cheeks.

Rain started to fall down on us more harshly, it feeling like hard rocks hitting the ground and bouncing up to my exposed legs.

Why did I wear a dress to work today.

I sneaked another peek at Taeyeon in our awkwardly silent long walk and almost gasped, pulling him to a halt and he looked at me all confused.

He was drenched from head to toe now, only his right arm that was carrying the umbrella was somewhat dry.

He had shifted the umbrella and covered me fully, practically holding the umbrella over my head for me.

He had no cover, and he was so wet.

"You're going to catch a cold Taeyeon-ah."

"It's fine."

"No, I know you're sniffling. You're shivering, look at your blue lips Taetae."

And if it wasn't bad enough a strong gush of wind blew the umbrella from Tae's hold.

It tumbled away from us down the street like a tumble weed.

Tae sprinted down the park chasing over that stupid blue umbrella. I saw his strong back flex underneath his now transparent wet shirt and obviously, I couldn't stop staring.

I didn't even mind myself getting soaked now, I loved every bit of Tae and how cute he was right now. It was the least of my worries.

I watched as he ran back to me, his tongue sticking out a little bit and I was floored.

So cute.

He stood in front of me panting, fumbling with the umbrella. He couldn't open it anymore, it was broken to the hinges.

He grumbled in frustration, and I watched in amusement, wanting to smooth those creases on his forehead away. "Stupid umbrella, open. Dude open psst." He whispered harshly at an inanimate object seeing how his knuckles went white, holding the urge to just snap it in half.

I grabbed the umbrella and chucked it on the floor, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He stiffened and froze in place. Eyes wide and lips quivering. After the time we've been together he's as shy as the first date.

"Taetae." I giggled, pushing his wet hair back.

"Hi." He simply replied.

"Hey." I wrapped my arms tighter around him then leaned against his chest feeling the warmth on my cheek.

We rocked back and forth slightly in a spot with the rain basically showering us.

It didn't matter though, he was still stiff as a rock and very animated.

"Nervous?"

"You'd probably know if you held my hand but the rain masks the sweatiness of my palms."

"Wow, honesty straight up. Cute."

"We're wet and going to catch a cold."

"Mhm."

"Okay, and lets go?"

"Let's stay here a little bit, I like being held by you."

"In the rain?"

"You're warm."

I expected him to say something stupid and obvious to ruin the moment but he didn't.

"Are you still mad at me?" He asked quietly.

I glanced up to meet his worrisome eyes. "I was never mad at you." I said it while patting his cold cheek, helping him head that tension.

"Okay but I thought you were so I was scared and you wouldn't really talk to me and I wasn't going to have a week of you giving me a cold shoulder because-" I put a finger on his lips and he sulked.

"Shh. You're such a blab."

He chuckled and wrapped his arms around my waist, letting us be like this for a couple of minutes.

When the wind also disagreed with our position and started to blow harshly we walked home together.

No words, just each other's company.

Hand in hand, celebrating our late 1 year anniversary properly with a walk in the park under the rain.

Cheese, so cheese.

When we got home I tried to let go of our intertwined hands but he seemed reluctant for me to pull away.

So instead I pulled him upstairs and sat him on the bed, immediately taking off my wet clothes in front of him.

"Fany." He said in a low dangerous growl. I looked at him, and he has deep lust in his eyes that I knew very well. His arms that were ropping himself up were now laid loosely on his thighs.

I walked over to him in my undergarments, sitting on his lap. He didn't expect that and his Adam's apple bobbed, swallowing that saliva that pooled in his mouth. My fingers traced the collar of his wet shirt, trailing up to the neck then his jaw slowly.

He breathed in, eyes trying to follow my finger but gave up when I palmed his cheek.

"Taeyeon-ah." I whispered. I pulled his wet shirt up, making him lift his arms and I threw it on the ground.

Not a moment he broke our gazes, he was under my spell. Trapped, mesmerized. His hands has snaked around my hips, placing them there firmly.

"Fany?" He mumbled when I matched my lips softly on his neck, sucking lightly just to tease him.

I felt him tightening underneath me, the tent forming was getting bigger and I didn't think such small administrations would arouse him that well.

I pulled away from his skin when he squeezed my hips.

"Make love to me Taeyeon-ah."

"Can I? Will you let me?" He asked for reassurance and I nodded.

He stood up, lifting me up along and I wrapped myself around him. I felt my back being pressed on cold hard tiles and I realized that we were in the shower.

He turned on the water and the shower head showered us with hot steaming water contrasting the cold one Mother Nature gave us earlier.

I thought my skin was heated from the water, but it was from Tae. I felt warm and heated by him, his skin pressing against mine was something I always treasured.

Without another second wasted and before I could take in our position he kissed me, and I was all his that moment.

Gentle Taeng he was when we made love, asking me for permission every moment when he had the chance.

My heart fluttered at him, I loved the Gentle Taeng especially in moments like this after we had a little argument.

That moment of bliss came to an end when I opened my eyes and felt a kiss on my forehead.

"I'll leave you to shower honeybeans." He said softly, brushing my wet hair back. I felt him pull out of me and almost whimpered, not wanting him to leave me and continue.

"Later, I promise." He said with a grin, not a cocky one but one with anticipation.

He left the shower and I grinned at his back. Red nail marks, made by yours truly.

Oops.

I went to get a change of clothes and a towel to wipe myself dry. I went downstairs to see Tae lighting up the fire place.

Without a word he held his hand out and I grabbed it, being lead to sit in front of the crackling fire with myself in between his legs and back pressed against his front.

He wrapped a blanket around us, making sure I myself was fully covered and warm.

I smiled, turning my head to kiss his chin.

He rested his big head on my shoulder and sighed, kissing me there.

"Tired?"

"No, relieved." He breathed out and nuzzled his face to my shoulder.

"By the way, I know you and Anna were on a mission to end Siwon's life. I don't want Anna apart of your rage jealously killing spree."

"Listen, I don't like him. I didn't even know he worked with you in the same school! Since he's so close he's going to try to get with you when I'm not there! It's so obvious, that nerve of that guy!"

"Shh, you'll wake Prince and Princess up." I patted his thigh and rubbed it, coaxing him. "He's just a good friend and a colleague Taeyeon-ah, you don't have to worry. I'm yours."

"I can't help but worry. He has a bad vibe. There's something about him I can't pin point. No one looks that good and is nice."

I laughed in amusement. Can't believe he admitted Siwon's attractiveness.

"I promise I'll be careful Taeyeon-ah, and if it makes you feel better I'll tell you all about my day at work, including anything about Siwon."

He huffed and nodded on my shoulder. Well, I had to do something to bring angry bear back to my little baby.

"I'm sorry, I'm really sorry."

"I understand."

"No, Fany. I'm sorry for what I did and that was for breaking the promise of taking care of my health. I said I wouldn't drink anymore, and. ." I thought he was going to apologize for being jealous by no, he wasn't.

"Shh." I patted his hand. I don't need an explanation. I already know.

When he tried to say something again I shook my head. "Taeyeon-ah, I know you feel bad. You know what you did, let's move on."

We sat in each other's warmth, just enjoying the crackling fire and the soft hums of the TV.

Prince and Princes seemed to enjoy it as well, sitting relatively close to the fireplace sleeping.

"How do you forgive?" Tae suddenly broke that silence but it didn't matter, I loved hearing his voice.

"What do you mean?"

"You forgive, easily." He trailed off and now that I think about I do forgive easily.

"Don't mistake kindness for mercy Taeyeon. I forgive because I want to move on. But I certainly don't forget."

"I like you." He said fondly.

"Strange, thought you loved me." I teased back.

"That too! It's just. . you don't take shit from anyone if you can handle it. Like, your a boss. A leader, a freaking manager. If it's not worth your time you don't fuck with it."

"Uh huh." I smiled, patting his thigh.

"You're so strong? For example, you're determined and independent on your own, you don't depend on me. I was thinking about this the other day, and I just think that's really attractive."

I was mad blushing. He spoke so highly. "Shush. But I think with you, you're a special case. I feel like I set aside a lot of my rules for you, you're an exception."

"But you don't put away your morals, you don't take shit from me and I just can't describe you. You're my love, I think that's all I can say." I didn't have to turn around to know he was frowning while saying his mini rant.

I giggled, leaning back to rest my head on his shoulder. I felt his strong arm draped around my tummy, securing me to his front.

"As long as you don't repeat your offenses and learn from your mistakes I'll be here to support you."

"Noted Ms. Hwang."

"I know baby, it's hard to change. But I know you're trying."

"Heh." I swear I saw him shy away it was cute.

"Wanna make out, Ms. Hwang?"

I sighed. I felt like I heard this phrase 49 times this week.

He didn't give up when I didn't respond and he offered me another request. "Or, you can give me another one of your magical majestically wound healing massages?"

"I don't want to hear your sexual moans again. You traumatized me."

He clicked his tongue. "They're called sounds of appreciation. They're no different when you make them- Ow!"

I elbowed his side and he pulled away, sulking. He lifted up his shirt and pointed at the forming bruise.

"Kiss my booboo better, piglet."

"You're so annoying." And I gently pressed on it and he wailed in an exaggerated pain.

"Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow!"

"Shut, up."

He flipped me around and pinned me straight to the ground and I yelled, surprised by the sudden force.

Cocky, smirky Taeyeon decided to show up and I didn't want to know what he had in mind.

"Kiss, me." He leaned down to steal a peck but I had a hand pushing him back up.

"If I don't?" I dared to ask.

"You don't wanna see what I'll do to you in front of this fireplace on the nice wooden floor."

"Like what? Claim me yours?" I matched his shit eating grin and he scoffed.

"Something like that. Wanna see?"

I didn't get to answer when he pulled the blanket over us, covering us in silk sheets.

"I don't want Prince and Princess to see. Don't wanna add them to the list of traumatized people."

"Good idea." I giggled, and he kissed my nose.

Sometimes I do love the weather outside. It made a moment like this that I cherish so closely to my heart.


	29. Fany's Lost Child

Stephanie Hwang

The tax man came over to Tae's company and ever since then we've been moving about the city trying to avoid him. It wasn't anything, just an old fat guy assessing Taeyeon and his belongings. Tae's payment was over due and he knew he had to pay or he'd get into a big legal trouble.

I told him we can combine our paychecks together to pay the very bare minimum for now, which was still a stupid amount. So till then, we crashed at our friend's house and I insisted we go to Sooyoung's because I refused to go to any of Tae's triad member's houses.

Basically, a grown up slumber party for me and Soo and it was the best thing ever.

"Can I have a bite?" I asked, eyeing the burger as soon as I stepped into the kitchen from work.

Sooyoung scoffed and placed it down on her plate. "No?" She turned around and went to ge t a soda and I instantly went into action, lunging for it.

I took a bite anyways, I fucking love a greasy burger.

Sooyoungie turned around and frowned, scrutinizing her meal. "Ah, really? Lipstick?" She mumbled bitterly.

I glanced at her hands and saw the burger smudged at the place where I took my bite. I wiped my lips with my finger, seeing my red lipstick smear on it.

Oops.

"Sorry." I sheepishly muttered, and she glared back at me. Sooyoung was always sensitive about food, I can never satisfy her appetite.

"You can take a bite out of mine." Tae chirped, eyes on the TV watching the cartoon.

"I'll get lipstick all over it." I mumbled, feeling guilty.

"It's okay." Taeyeon shrugged, pulling a packet of jellies out of his pocket.

My jaw dropped, I almost squealed and I wanted to kiss my lover all over. He's so cute and such a whipped little nugget. He's just so considerate and boyfriend material and so kissable. Ugh.

"Stop making me look bad." Sooyoung hissed.

Tae scoffed and smirked. "Stop making yourself look bad." He shot back in a girlish voice.

"I hate you."

"Welcome to the club, lamp post."

"Excuse me?" Sooyoung was baffled and she got up from her stool.

"What's wrong, broomstick?"

"Taeyeon you really wanna die, huh?"

"Not really." Taeyeon said through his munching of jellies and when she literally hd a broom stick in her hand and started attacking Tae with it, I didn't help both of them.

When the doorbell rang I screamed and ran to the door, opening it and giving one of the biggest bear hugs I've ever given.

"What the fuck are you screaming about? Don't fucking do that I'd think you'd be in danger!"

"Is that Taeyeon?!" Bora screams and hugs him, squeezing him to death.

Taeyeon shuffles in confusion having Bora latched onto his stomach, pointing t her and just staring deep into my eyes with weirdness.

"S-She's a little. . excited." Taeyeon wheezed.

"Hi! I'm Bora! I heard all about you, you're so much hotter in person! I know everything about you too, and the fact that you're dating my best friend makes it all the better! Hey! Can I have your autograph?!"

Sooyoung made gagging noises and and poked Taeyeon's ass with the broomstick, making him shriek and swat it away.

"SooSooSooSoo!" Bora let out a long squeal and Taeyeon grumbled to himself, shuffling back into the room.

I sat beside him and kissed his cheek. "You might die a little for the whole night."

"Nope, I'm calling backup."

While waiting for his back up, we dragged Taeyeon into our experiments. Basically we painted his nails, plucked his eyebrows, made him read us gossip from magazines and he even watched all of our trashy reality shows with us, often voicing out his opinion.

He was literally one of us.

I was rolling on Taeyeon, getting amusement from it till Bora disappeared then reappeared with something behind her back.

"Taeyeonie! I have a gift for you!"

"Gift?"

"Sexy, handsome beauty masks!" Bora threw them in his lap and I was so excited.

This would've made a great group photo.

Tae stared at Bora for 2 minutes, intense glaring and questioning.

"Taeyeon come on! It'll make your skin super soft!"

". . .Die." He mumbled, moving his head away from her approaching hands.

Bora kneed his crotch and Tae bent forward, Bora pushed him back up and straightened him out before sticking a face mask on his mad face.

"You look scary." I quipped, giggling at a sulking face that screamed 'help me when he sat up.

But when the doorbell rang Tae sprinted and pushed Sooyoung, covering her face with a pillow. He squirmed out of Bora's hold and even I was latching onto his legs.

"Don't make me kick you away piggy, nd I have the kick of 700 horses! You'll fly to the moon and never come back!"

"Taetae!" I whined. I let go and laid there on the floor, seeing him walk funkily to the door.

He opened it and squealed, imitating my earlier meeting with Bora. It was almost a mock.

"Haha, aye what's with your face? Got a beauty tutorial going on here?" Key starts peeling Tae's mask off and he smacked his hand away.

"What are you doing here?" Tae hissed.

"I came back to give you back the Sailor Moon underwear you lent me the other day! Hey is this a slumber party?!" Key barges in and pushes Tae away, sitting on the floor in amusement.

Well, that got everyone laughing and Tae beet red.

"Hey, hey hey what are you doing hey stop!" Tae squealed and backed into a corner, wide eyed.

Bora and Soo came closer, hot wax in one hand and strips in the other.

"Don't come closer to me, you evil fucks."

"Taeyeon! Fany says your legs are hairy to cuddle up against! We're doing you a favour!"

"Me a favour?!"

"More sex dumbass."

Bora giggled and slapped on some wax strips on his legs as I sat in the corner and watched with my bowl of chips.

"Rip em off girls, I want a clean shaven Taetae." I ordered.

"Fany-ah! Sooyoung's going for my fucking armpits!" Tae screamed when Soo got them on and I continued eating my ice cream.

"It's a jungle there. Men, I swear to god." Soo muttered and I had to agree.

I heard some evil cackles and Bora's giggle. Then Tae's scream ripped the living room and Key rolled around the carpet filming it.

"Fuck! You!" Tae hissed, rubbing his freshly shaven jungle.

"Gladly." Key hollered and Tae shot a glare at him, rubbing his clean hairless legs.

Tae threw a pillow at him but a known assassin was quick to dodge it. "I didn't invite you here to join in on the fun of making my life a living hell."

"Did you expect me to join you on the man side to handle these pretty ladies? Nope, I'm joining them." Key said proudly and I rolled my eyes.

Tae crawled over to me and laid beside me, digging his hands into my bowl.

"I'm going to bed." He mumbled through a mouthful of chips. He got up, kicking Key in the ass before running upstairs.

"He has the kick of 700 horses." Key groaned, rubbing his probably bruised butt.

He turned over and sat up with a quirky smile."I finally get to meet Mrs. Kim not over the phone where she hires me to be her hitman to kill any woman who dares look at her husband for more than a second or when I'm trying to drag her husband's fat drunken ass in the house!"

"I need to eliminate my threats and enemies, Taeyeon' mine. I have it written across his ass." I defended myself. Great, now he knows.

"Hey, I like you." He said with a chuckle.

"Hi." I waved.

"Wanna chit chat? I'll tell you all about Taeyeon's childhood with yours truly, the handsome, the smart, the charming prince, me."

"Only if you tell me fashion tips, I heard you attended like all the fashion weeks since you were like 19."

"Girl, Paris Fashion Week was the shit. My favourite has to be from Italy though, the place of blooming love and romance." He sighed out, eyes twinkling.

"Are you single?"

"Please don't talk about my love life, it's a Shakespearean modern tragedy."

"Tell me all about it."

"Why? Are you an aspiring fashion designer?"

"No, but I love all my designer handbags and dresses that come from them."

"Ooo, I'll be sure to hint Taeyeon for your next birthday gift." He said with a wink.

Gosh, Key has to be my favourite of Taetae's friends.

Sooyoung and Bora fell asleep after watching some scary movie, literally sleeping on my legs cause apparently I was their 'mom' and they were scared.

This is why you don't watch a scary movie, at night. Duh.

"Can I ask you something that I can't get Taeyeon to answer?"

"I guess?"

He furrowed his brows and placed the bag of gummies on his lap and turned the volume of the TV down, turning his body slightly towards me.

"I heard about Jonghyun's death, but I never understood what happened."

"I-I don't know. But he's blamed himself ever since for it."

"No one knows what happened behind those doors, I-I just can't fathom the fact that our childhood mate died, just like that in the hands of Tae-"

"No, no no. Taeyeon, he-he didn't-"

"He caused it, no? The death happened right in front of his eyes and what did Taeng do? He sure didn't save-"

"Key, no please don't misunderstand him. Please, please." I begged. My own eyes getting slightly teary.

Key looked at me in horror and ran up to get me tissues, and a bucket of ice cream.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm just still so angry and Taeyeon never answers me- you know what forget I asked okay? Please don't cry, Taeyeon will kill me." Key whispered and looked super guilty.

I chuckled and patted his hand. "It's okay, don't feel guilty."

Key just rubbed the back of his head and lowered his head. "I'm going to bed. Sorry mom."

"I'm not your mom!"

"You're our mom, look at my siblings sleeping like pigs on the floor."

I glanced down and saw Sooyoung with her mouth wide open, Bora clung onto Sooyoung's body and was snoring.

I slide pillows underneath their heads and draped blankets over their body.

I did a little bit of clean up and but mind wasn't at rest.

Taeyeon and Jonghyun.

Taeyeon beat himself up for months, believing that he killed Jonghyun but Key never knew how much grief Taeyeon had. Tae almost killed himself over it and I never want to hear someone or even Taeyeon himself blaming for Jonghyun's death.

It was an unfortunate outcome, something that can't but help happen. It was an accident and no ones fault.

I'm coaxing him to that conclusion, it's a slow process but he's coming around to accepting his death.

I crept back upstairs and into the room, seeing the familiar scene from downstairs up, Taeyeon sprawled out onto the bed on my side, clutching onto a pillow as he snored loudly with his limbs partially dangling off the bed.

I pushed him over with al my might and despite all the movement I made he still slept like a rock, a true bear if I must say.

I giggled, whispering into his ear that I loved him and kissed him on his cheek. I cuddled closer to his back, wrapping my arm around his waist. I'm the big spoon tonight, but nothing about it made me big.

"Taeyeon-ah, it's time for work." I sit down in front of the mirror combing my hair as I glance back to the mirror. His loud chains of snores gets interrupted and he snorts.

"Taeyeon-ah." He shuffles underneath the covers, placing the pillow above his head and grumbling.

"You're going to be late for your convention." He sits up with a frown, opening one of his eyes and yawning like a bear.

He stares blankly at the wall, not even blinking as he's scratching his abs and rubbing his eyes till he gives up and falls back on the bed and hiding under the covers.

I giggle at him, and rip the covers away from him. He groans for 2 whole minutes before tackling me to the bed and lays on top of me.

"Yah! Tae!" I cover his mouth so he can stop kissing me, and he pouts and gets off of me curling up into a ball. I push him off the bed and he lands on the floor with a thud.

I smiled when he got up and peered up the mattress with his glaring eyes. I hop off the bed and peck him on the lips before turning him around and giving a hard smack on his ass that startles him. I shove him forward and he stomps to the bathroom muttering nonsense while palming his ass; I think I hit it too hard.

I was about to zip his luggage up after I did some final checks but he put his foot between it, wedging it and not letting me shut it.

"What do you want you egg?!"

"Woah, woah, woah. What is all that?!" He says with a mouth full of toast.

"A care package for the week you'll be gone without me, aka the only thing that keeps you up and running, or alive if you'd like to call it."

"Elaborate, darling." He says, curiously, opening the luggage with his foot.

"8 packages of jellies because I'm not sure if your hotel has the coca cola flavoured one, I also threw in a picture of me in there because I'm great and I didn't want you to miss me too much. Plus, if you did happen to bring a girl to your hotel room, which I swear to fucking god that better not happen, she'll see how hot and better I am. Two pairs of pajamas because you hate wearing the same thing multiple times oh and I packed some no rinse shampoo because I'm pretty sure you'll be in and out of places the whole week. You're a busy man, right? Right."

He sniggered and nodded.

"You know, I think you'll be missing me more than I'll be missing you." He quipped, nodding at his own thought,

"Excuse me! What is that supposed to mean?!" He chuckled and walked away.

"Taeyeon-ah! Come back we weren't done talking!"

He waves me off and gets a plate of breakfast, leaving me alone and baffled on the floor with his luggage. After I was done I ran downstairs, desperate to spend every last second with him. I didn't care if Sooyoung made gagging sounds, she an tease me later.

"Taeyeon-ah. Do you have to go?" I whine pulling on his hand and swinging them gently with as much cuteness I had in me.

"It's only 1 week, I'll be back before you know it hm? Plus, it'll be my last. I'm only there to oversee and cancel projects. I'm slowing things down before my resignation." He tucks my hair behind my ear as he kisses the crown of my head.

"But I don't get to see youuu."

"You can see me after 1 week I promise babycakes."

"Taeeeee."

"Stephhh."

"Hey, in 1 week you get to see this hunky hot walking Satan again."

"It doesn't make me feel any better Taeyeon-ah, do you have to go?" He smiles before turning around and placing the last of his items in the suitcase.

"I promise you my love, to have the most romantic, cheese eating, hair ripping, butt clenching date you have ever been on. I'm pulling a Fabio on this one babe, you won't ever forget it!"

"The most romantic, bestest, sexiest, hottest date ever?"

"The most romantic. bestest sexiest hottest date ever Fany." He said, eyes almost looking like mine when he smiled like that.

I stand there awkwardly not knowing what to do but twiddle my thumbs.

"Ca-can you hug me Tae?"

He smiles sweetly before bringing me to his warm embrace and lifting me up.

"Stop it. Nervous doesn't look good on you." He places me on top of the counter, his hands trapping the side of my body as I sit up holding onto his shoulder.

"I'm going to miss you." I whisper to him, he brushes my hand and smiles nodding.

"You're so clingy today, it's cute." I frown, hitting him on the chest lightly as he chuckles.

"Promise me you'll miss me more than I'll miss you even though I'll miss you as much as you'll miss me."

"Let's not make missing each other a competition because I'll win every time." He says smugly, stupid cocky Taeyeon. That's my idiot.

"Cheesy, but I'll take it." I muttered. I sighed and looked up.

"All ready?" I say fixing his collar.

"Yes ma'am!" He saluted me before kissing me one last time. I'm going to miss that despite being away from him for only a week.

"Call or text when you land okay? I like to know my bear made it all in one piece." I kiss his cheek and his stupid dimple was deep as an abyss.

"Love you, I'll be back soon don't miss me too much!" He says with smiles, but deep down I'm going to crack at the loneliness in the bed.

When I waved goodbye to him as he got into the car, I did feel emptiness inside. I'm already experiencing withdrawals.

When I turned around Sooyoung made vomiting sounds, and told me she wanted to gauge her eyeballs out at what she just witnessed.

"Stop! I miss him already!" I whined, clinging onto her arm. she patted my head and chuckled, ordering me around to clean the dishes before she went to work.

Ugh, at least she was going to be home for the week he was gone.

It was so weird, I even went to work but it was like Tae was off the charts in my mind. I got so annoyed at myself, like he was going for work and he'll be back soon and it wasn't the first time either but ugh.

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: Did you land yet? :c

I texted that a couple of hours ago and hasn't answered yet, and it's been 9 hours. He's probably tired and asleep but I still can't help but feel a little protective of him.

I fell asleep with my phone on the side waiting for his text or call. Maybe I was being too clingy over him, it is kind of my first time being away from him for that long. Excluding the time we had a 'break.'

Fany's Lost Child: yo, ya boy just got to his hotel. eh, I'm so tired the damn babies wouldn't stop crying in the plane. I wanted to knock myself unconscious for the flight.

I still couldn't ger over the nickname I set for him in my contacts. I thought it fit him so well, because well he was mine and he was like a kid, right? And half the time I feel like I lost him be it the super market, the park or around the house. I needed to keep him on a leash, a rope and hold his hands at all times.

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: boohoo, welcome to economy class. gotta start getting used to it now since you don't have your private jet, anyway et some sleep big guy so you can terrorize people tomorrow and be an ass.

Fany's Lost Child: I can't, I wish you were here with me right now :[ I can't fall asleep without my personal heat pack and cuddle buddy.

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: Awh, how cute.

Fany's Lost Child: pfft. so, what are you wearing right now? ;]]]]

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: LOL, BYUN EVEN FROM MILES AND MILES AWAY, TSK TSK.

Fany's Lost Child: seriously, tell me [:

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: I'm wearing nothing, thinking about you in bed ;* A little lie wouldn't hurt right, at least it makes him all giddy and I'll probably be expecting a video call from him later because of this.

Fany's Lost Child: GIRLL. :o so... send nudes? :]

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: no, stop being a perv and go shower. you probably smell like airplane peanuts and dusty seats.

Fany's Lost Child: I already did shower because I feared the nagging you'd give me just like now. you wanna see my sparkly chest? ;] I'll tell you what I'm wearing bbygirl.

Taeyeon's Worst Child: maybe.

Fany's Lost Child: I missss youuuuuuuu my babycakes 3 :(( all these women at my hotel are kind of hot. . but not as hot as you! :]

Taeyeon's Worst Child: VIDEO CALL ME. RIGHT NOW KIM TAEYEON.

His tired handsome face was displayed on my phones screen and I felt like I needed to kiss my favourite person and hug it to sleep.

"Hey sugar lump, a little birdie told me you wanted me to call you." The sleepiness and hoarseness of his voice made me feel bad that he's staying up for me, but I'm greedy and I need him.

"Don't you dare look at another woman, breathe near another woman, eve step a foot near other woman and I swear to god if anything intimate happens I'm flying over there and chopping you dic-"

"You look like a bloated whale." He interrupts me and starts chuckling, taking off his shirt leaving his chiseled chest exposed. My breath hitched at the sight and the urge to not fall in my screen was too great. Literally, my biggest weakness.

"Tae! You can't just say that!"

"You look like my cute bloated whale that I wanna snuggle to sleep, make love to and kiss." He defends and I still wasn't impressed.

"Ugh. You are such an ass. Anyways, how was your flight?"

"Eh, like I've said, crying babies, a cramped seat that has no leg room and I only had one arm rest. One." He says and yawns as he scratches the back of his neck.

"Go to sleep Taetae, I know you're tired."

"No. We're staying in this call till you fall asleep. I'm staying up with you and I'll pull an all nighter if I have to."

"But Tae-"

"No buts Ms. Hwang." He frowns and the sudden change of his tone marks his seriousness and I don't question it.

I stay quiet and I guess he catches on because he starts making dorky faces at me and I couldn't hold my laughter at 3 in the morning.

"Dumbass."

"Only yours babycakes, only yours."

The best part of someone who's willing to do this for you is the occasional heart swelling you get when you remember the reason why they're staying up for you; because they simply just love you.

I fell asleep at around 4 I think and when I woke up, I saw my phone still propped up against a pillow and a sleeping drooling Tae on the screen.

The call lasted for 7 hours and I can't believe he never hung up.

"Taeyeon-ah." He doesn't react and I repeat it a couple more times before giving up and hanging up as I take one more look at the hubby.

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: Morning Taetae, have a good day at that stupid convention. Don't let anyone steal you away from me or I'll come and personally break you and that persons legs. Consider this an extra warning, you're mine. ;*

The next few days have been boring, I'll come home to an empty house to a herd of dogs and sometimes if Sooyoung was here I'd cling onto her for the rest of the night.

The lack of teasing, and laughing made the house stupidly empty, and I missed Prince and Princess chasing Tae around or Tae making me scream as he scared me from the corner of the room, or made me shriek as he poked me in the ribs. I missed that face that rested on the kitchen island patiently waiting for me to make dinner.

But he Skyped me everyday, and stayed up with me till I fell asleep and honestly it was something at least.

It was 4 in the afternoon at a regular work day after I dismissed my class of kids and walked Anna home. She kept asking when Uncle Taetae would come back nd I said soon, I even pinky promised her.

Siwon peeped out from the door and started to make loud knocking sounds on the wall.

"Hey, what are you up to?" He asks, his smile was sweet and gentle, like a genuine one that I remembered so well.

"Nothing much, preparing an art project for tomorrow's class and cleaning up, what brings you to my kingdom?" I look back down fiddling with my pen in hand trying to distract myself.

I just want to go home, take care of all the doggies in he house and cook dinner for Soo.

"Ah, just wondering if you wanna go hiking." He pulls the tiny chair from the round table and sits beside me, poking my arm and tilting his head to the side prompting me to answer.

Sigh, ever since he was the school's principle he's been sneaking into my class for a chit chat every moment he could. He voluntarily took me on a tour around the school even though I didn't need it since, I worked here. . offered to eat lunch with me when I was alone and wanted to walk me home. He even carried an umbrella for me when it was raining and waited for my bus as he got soaked from top to bottom.

Bittersweet memories, I felt like I was reliving them.

I mean, if I didn't meet Tae I'd totally date Siwon again, no lie.

"Oh, that. Right." I guess my hesitation caught him off guard because he sat up tighter. I forgot about the mountain thing he asked me about.

"I'd like to take you out to the mountains for a hike." He explained again, prompting me to answer and I knew very well he knew it was hard for me to say no.

My eyes widened at his request though, like a hike? Ugh.

"Hike as in exercising? Climbing up the mountains?" I said quietly, I hoped he caught onto my disapproval because he very well knows I hate exercising. Well I don't and do, it's a love hate relationship.

"Yeah? Why you don't like it? We can go to the coast or someth-" He looks disappointed and I didn't want him to get the idea that I was a couch potato and that I liked to watch Netflix in my fluffy pajamas cuddled up with Prince indulging in an abundance of junk food; but it was true.

"No, no. It's just that you see, I'm really small. My small figure can't take me up large mountains because I know I'd pass out and fall off a cliff." He bursts out laughing wiping a single tear away from his eye, I couldn't help but join his thunderous laugh too; it was contagious.

When the warmth of a hand cupped my eyes from behind and that familiar sandalwood scent crept up my nose, I couldn't help but squeal in my seat.

"Guess who babycakes?" I love that rich deep voice, and I love the scent of home.

"Taeyeon-ah!" He hugs me from behind and I stand up, bringing him along with me as I pick up my things and place them in the bag.

"Told you I'd be missing you a lot, cut my conference short for this little short stack." He said while I heard the vibrations of his talk on my head.

Waddling around with my big blob wrapped around me on the waist like a tall giraffe was awkward, yet I couldn't be happier that he's back.

"You're home early. I thought your convention lasted like a week."

"Like I said, I flaked out and left 3 days earlier because no one likes bald men arguing and pitching in ideas about world domination." He chuckles and I turn around frowning.

"Hey, I missed you okay? Sheesh, I booked the earliest flight home. I flew in economy again just for you, so my legs are cramped and not okay meaning that you have to massage these majestic legs and nurture it back to health." I wrap my arms around his neck, touching his somewhat shaved 5 o'clock.

A clearing of a throat interrupts us and I totally forgot about Siwon sitting in that small kids chair looking at us awkwardly. Tae turns around and I feel him let go of my hand and I can just predict that loud barking and curses he's going to say to Siwon for cutting him off.

I quickly grab his hand and tug him back, he turns his head around looking like he's going to rip him to shreds.

"Um, Siwon this is Tae my boyfriend. Tae this is Siwon my coworker. now, you guys have officially met aside from glancing at each other from afar, like at Sunny's cabin." I say nervously, eyeing Tae and Siwon back and forth.

Taeyeon looks at him, then looks at me. He looks at him again and looks back at me with a cocked eyebrow.

"He's the new principle?!" He whispers quite loudly and I had to kick at him to shut him up.

"Nice to meet you in the flesh and bones, Taeyeon." Siwon extends his arm out for Tae. My bear just looks at it twice before hesitantly shaking it.

"The fuck do you want? Just because I'm not in town you decide to spring into action and take what's mine?" Taeyeon practically growled and I am reminded of why he's bear.

"Taeyeon!" I slap his back but the big guy didn't even flinch. I held onto one of his hand, it was a warning to not start pummeling Siwon.

"What you got big guy? Think you're tough?" Siwon taunts Tae and I peer from the side of Taetae shaking my head gesturing Siwon to go at least leave or something.

"Tougher than you, the fuck you got on me?" Tae said through gritted teeth and wanted to take a step forward.

"Okay that's enough time to go." I push Taeyeon out of the classroom as he glares at Siwon, his jaw clenching, hard enough that I see that distinct vain in his neck. His fists were the size of baseballs ready to just swing at him.

"Fany, don't forget about it." Siwon says, hands in his pocket. I nod curtly as I attempt to drag my blob out the door.

When we were approaching the car, Tae stops me and leans towards me while my back is against the car. He looks so intimidating with that stance he's having over me and I hit him in the shoulder.

"You didn't have to be like that. You should stop taking everything as threats and relax sometimes you know." I say feeling a little claustrophobic from him.

"What was he saying about not forgetting about 'it'?" He asks firmly as traps my body further with his arms as if his legs wasn't enough.

"Nothing. Stop it lets go home and talk about it there." I whisper quietly because I knew that if I raised my voice he'd attract all sorts of attention.

"No I want to know now." He says loudly and I hit him harder.

"It's nothing! Taeyeon-ah!" I shove at his shoulder and he leans against me harder and his prickly beard is enough to scratch my cheek.

"Tell me." It was like a growl into my ear and I couldn't help but shiver.

"He asked me if I wanted to do something over the weekend. He told me we were going to be hiking up the mountains."

"You're not going."

"Why?"

"Because I said so."

"He's a nice guy and he invited me to go. He's my coworker and I want to go with him."

"No you're not going because you're fucking mine! There's no dates between anyone but us! Act like you have a fucking boyfriend for once!" Tae's stern face and demanding voice made me want to slap him across the face.

"It's not a date Tae! You're so dense! We're just having a damn hike on the mountain, one that doesn't involve romantic feelings because I'm in a relationship with you Taeyeon! What makes you think I'm going to have a date with him and leave you? You stubborn idiot!"

He clicks his tongue and continues to shoot daggers into me with his eyes. "He's your fucking ex." He mumbled.

He enters the car slamming it shut and I follow. I wanted to say something in the car when he drove us home but by the grip of his hands on the wheel, it was better to stay quiet.

I flinch at the sound of our bedroom door being slammed shut.

Sooyoung rose a brow, silently asking me to explains. I shook my head.

"Well, tell him to not slam my doors, thanks. I pay and live here." She muttered, sipping on her coffee.

I make my way quietly to the room and I hear the sound of rustling and the shower being turned on.

His clothes were scattered all over the floor and I picked it all up. I didn't realize the plethora of wrapped pink boxes on the bed. I grab the turquoise card nestled in between it and I recognized Tae's neat handwriting.

To: Tiny Pigsy

Boop. Surprise motherfucker. :]

From: Taeyeon

I open the little boxes and each of them contained a small charm. I smiled at each and every one of them, picking them up gently and wondering how Tae got the time to plan this gift out and even buy them.

I felt bad that this surprise got ruined, but I won't apologize for having a conversation with my coworker that my bear happens to hate.

The click of the door catches my attention and Tae's clearly upset with me as he threw the towel around his neck on the floor and slipped on a t-shirt aggressively.

"Taeyeon-ah." I call out softly but he rummages through a drawer ignoring me.

"Kim Taeyeon." I repeat and he slams the drawer loudly.

"The fuck do you want?"

"Are you really going to act like this?"

". . ."

"Please think about the way you're acting and saying Taeyeon-ah. You're starting to become your old self again nd we did not make all of this progress for you to get petty over my ex."

"Well I don't like him, and it'd make me very happy if you didn't fucking kiss his ass and defend him." He hissed.

I clicked my tongue and had enough. "You did not just say that Taeyeon-ah!" I've had enough and I couldn't keep my anger inside. I slipped up and shouted at him and now I know where this could exactly lead up to.

"I just got back from a trip that was agonizing as fuck because I couldn't see you. I come home to surprise you and this is what I get? Fuck you, and Siwon, why don't you go suck his dick since you're kissing his ass anyways!" He shouts back at me and I slap him right across the face. He looks stunned and his eyes are like literal bon fires in them. The red mark on his cheek was prominent and I almost felt bad till I recalled the moment he told me to go 'suck Siwon's dick.'

"Taeyeon, don't." I warned.

He looks away, rubbing the side of his face. "I can't believe I'm going to marry you." He mumbles to himself with his back turned. I hoped my ears deceived me because I couldn't believe what I just heard.

"Say it again. Say it one more time and I'll walk out right now." I prompt him. I knew he wouldn't say it and I wouldn't exactly be walking out, but a threat was a threat.

He didn't say one more word and his shoulders fell and slumped.

"Why do you make it so hard to love you?" I whisper. The look on his face when I said that changed for a split second. From that mean demeanor into those hurt gentle eyes. It was quick, but I caught it.

I grab his pillow and blanket and shove it towards him.

"Sleep outside. I can't be in the same room as you Taeyeon-ah, come back when you're calm."

He walks out dragging the things across the floor before slamming the door leaving me alone in the room.

I hate him, but I can't after I look back at the flowers and gifts he thoughtfully planned out. He came home early because he missed me and now we're on the rocks angry with each other.

An hour later I stepped out of the room to see what he was up to. He's here and I can't be in a room alone any longer after a week without him.

It was pretty awkward sitting in the dining room table watching Tae channel surfing at 2 in the morning. He never turned back and I never stopped watching the back of his head.

I place my empty icecream bowl in the sink and clean up a few things before shutting off the lights and seeing the illuminated TV screen shine on his face. A part of me wanted to hug him and make him look at me but he's unbelievable sometimes.

I tossed and turned all night, why the wave crashed so louder tonight I don't know but I couldn't sleep. When I did finally slip into my slumber, the slight nudge around my waist caused me to stir and open my eyes.

The arm draped around my waist and his head nestled in the crook of my neck was Tae. He spooned me tighter than usual and I stayed still and quiet.

His breathing was a bit faster than usual and he his hand pushed me closer to his front. It's bothering him, the fight we just had. It's eating away at him and I want to tell him that's it's okay.

We say things out of frustration, we act before we speak and we have different opinions in which the only reason fights happen is the tone we use to express it.

When he said what he did, I didn't take it to heart. I never will, it's his personality and I have to deal with it. It gets overbearing sometimes but I know he never means it.

I let him hold me like that as we slept together. I didn't want to push him away and cause another fight.

When I woke up he was still here, wrapped around me. He was supposed to be at work getting ready to resign at this time and not at home. But at least he still looked cute with his face smothered on my pillow.

I got ready for work as quietly as possible. He was still sound asleep, snoring and drooling as usual.

It wasn't till in the middle of the afternoon when it was lunch time I checked my phone and got a massive list of texts and call from that man.

Missed Call (5): Fany's Lost Child

Fany's Lost Child: Where the fuck are you?

Fany's Lost Child: Why won't you pick your fucking phone up? The fuck did you do to it? Eat it?

I scoffed at his texts before hastily typing my reply.

Fany's Lost Child: stop acting like a complete douche and maybe I'll pick up your phone calls. ;*

Fany's Lost Child: You're talking to that fucking air head Shitwon or whatever his name is, aren't you?

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: maybe, who knows lol. :s

Fany's Lost Child: Steph, fuck. Come on. Remember our date tonight that I promised a week ago? Let's just do that okay? I don't really want to fight with you anymore because I can't win. I'm sorry. :/

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: I might be busy today, we'll see hm?

Fany's Lost Child: We set today for the both of us to go out together. You can't just blow me off, we planned this together, wtf.

Taeyeon's Worst Nightmare: we'll see.

Fany's Lost Child: No, what the fuck you're coming home and we're having a date. Nothing is as important as this.

I ignored his last text and continued to look after my army of kids. He wanted to end our little fight with the date we were supposed to have today but honestly I don't even want to see him right now. I'm still angry with him, but I knew I should be a little nicer to him.

Siwon stopped talking to me after his little scuffle with Taeyeon, he occasionally popped in to check up on me and ask me if our 'date' was still on. To which I replied yes because I still don't see any harm in it.

"Fany, I think we have to go to the fair now, they asked us how many classes were bringing and we have to have specific routes or something to avoid clashing schedules with other schools." Siwon came running in, panting. He gave me his tablet to read and I face palmed.

"W-wait now? I don't think I can go I have something to do tonight, do you think you can go alone?" Ugh, Taeyeon's date.

"No? Mr. Moon bailed on me and you're the only one who has decent planning. Plus, it will be fun. I'll pay for your nuggets."

"Tempting Simba, but I don't know I think I can go wit-"

"It's for work. Think about the children Fany! We both don't want a mob of crying toddlers at an amusement park! That's our worst nightmare!" True, true true.

"Don't you dare use my children against me." I hissed frowning.

"Just did, come on let's go before the park closes!" He drags me out of my classroom and we ran to the parking lot.

"I can only go for a couple of hours Siwon! Okay?!"

"Okay fine, we'll finish up before you have to go trust me!"

Of course, who would've thought Tae would be sitting on the hood of my car while holding a bouquet of pink flowers.

I slowed my steps and Siwon turned around looking at me confused. I guess I caught Taeyeon's attention because he began to stroll towards me, hands clenched and his jaw tight as an iron bolt.

"Taeyeon, what are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be at work?" He shakes his head in silence before looking at Siwon. They both exchange fierce glanced and I can pretty much see the fiery bolts being shared between them.

He hands me the flowers before sticking his hands in his pockets and shrugging. "About yesterday, I'm sorry. They're for you." He mumbled, scratching the back of his head. I nervously picked at the flowers and stood there awkwardly.

The tension was so tight and there was nothing I could do to cut at it. Welp, time to stare at these flowers like they're interesting or something.

"Came to pick you up so we can have our little date." He said breaking the silence and I knew there was still something unresolved between us in the air.

"Oh. Um. I c-can't. I have to go do something work related but I'll be back in time for our dinner?" I nervously said as I gently touched Tae's hand to coax him.

He looks at me before looking away. "Hm." He starts to walk away slouching with his hands in his pockets as deep as they would allow them to go.

I chased after him and pulled his arm and he stopped in his tracks but continued to stare at the floor without making any eye contact with me as he kicked rocks around with his foot.

"I'll be back for our date okay? Thank you for the flowers, and thank you for picking me up from work." I tiptoe to reach the sulking Tae's cheek and kisses him quickly before running back to Siwon's car. The last thing I saw was Taeyeon stuck in the same spot, unmoved and still sulky.

At first I thought we were going to stay for an hour at most to plan out the activities but I got sidetracked by the freaking cotton candy stand and the rides that just literally had spirits and pulled me in.

I guess we fooled around and our trip here wasn't even work related anymore. Siwon had no objections but I still had to tell him that he should probably stop hitting on me.

"Fany?"

"Yeah?" I mumbled with a mouthful of candy apple in my cheeks.

"You're getting married?"

"Huh?" How the hell did he know.

He pointed at my finger and I brought my hand up and saw the glistening stone on my finger. Ah, that.

"Promise ring?" I nervously laughed and tried to pull him to the parking lot.

He pulls me to a stop. "He's such an ass. You don't deserve a dick like him to be honest. Not saying that you should be with me, but I can treat you much better than him." He says with a shrug and throws the stick away before sticking his hands in his pockets.

I sighed, knowing this wasn't really a work trip to plan out the routes for the field trip for the school, but really a sneaky date.

"No, he's a nice guy once you get to know him. He just had a bad day and he gets really grumpy." I link arms with him as we leave the park. He chuckles before combing back his hair and drapes his jacket over me.

"You sure though? Is he black mailing you into marrying him? Is he going to do something that is going to land him in jail if you refuse his offer? Honestly, I don't see what you see in him. He's not that great, just a stuck up prissy rich boy." He spat out with such great passion. It was kind of funny how he spoke about Tae but then again that was my bear he was talking about.

"No, it's not like that. He's just really cute and I love him. That's all, no catch to it." I honestly said.

"Hm, I don't believe you." He says looking dejected.

"Well you better start believing it when I change my name to Mrs. Kim" He shoves me by the shoulder before I skip away to his car.

He pulls me to a stop and I almost dropped my candy stick. "Are we leaving?" He sounded so disappointed.

"Yeah, I'm already an hour late. I have to go home."

"Ah." He nods.

He clears his throats and continued walking by my side. "I heard his company is going down the drain." He kept touching on the topic of Tae despite me trying to talk about stupid stuff like the discolouration of apples.

"Yeah. ."

"So sudden too, out of nowhere?" I didn't like the way he said that, or the eg he had a victorious smile too.

"Business is business, anything goes really." I answered.

"Hm."

"I know you don't particularly like him."

"Glad you noticed." He said a bit too proudly for my liking.

"He has a gentle heart, trust me."

He shook his head. "I want to, I really do. But I've known you for so long and I can't help but think that you deserve so much better."

"Siwon-ah. ."

"Fany, really."

I sighed, eyeing the distressed man."I know you Siwon and I know what we're really here for."

We were halfway to the car before he pulled me off to the side and I was left staring at my wrist watch. I'm going to be two hours late at this point and I'm not in the mood to entertain him.

He held up one finger. "Let me ask you one question."

"Okay?"

"Did you have fun tonight?" He said, looking right into my eyes.

"Yes? But I don't get how that relates to-"

"I miss you." He cuts off and my heart rattled.

I had trouble answering. All the words I had to string together were all over the place. "Y-You c-can't. . I-I'm in a relationship." No, no don't. Don't do that to me again Siwon.

"I know, but the couple of weeks I was here, did you not. . feel anything?"

I couldn't bring myself to say anything because I didn't. The entire time I focused on Taeyeon and Taeyeon only because he's my significant other.

Siwon to me right now was just put to the side. He wasn't my main focus, I had other things to worry about.

"Fany? I still love you." He said so gently. I wish he said it earlier.

I blinked. I didn't feel anything, at least not anymore with him.

"I have a boyfriend." Was all that I could spew out.

"No, listen. I'm here Fany. I'm staying for good. We can continue from where we left off, I've thought about this for so long." Oh how I wish I heard these words 2 years ago.

"N-No, I don't want us anymore. Let it go." I walked away from him and went into his car, yanking it open.

"I'm just looking out for you!" He hollered, propping the door open and standing between it.

"From what?!"

"Taeyeon!"

"What about him!"

"Do you know who he is?! Do you know who you're dating?!"

"I do!"

"Do you? Rumour has it that he's. . dangerous. He's dealing with the. . triad."

Tell me something I don't know.

"I've dated him for a year now Siwon, it's out of your control and whatever you say or do will not change the fact that I'm in a relationship with the Kim Taeyeon you hate so much."

"We were drifting apart and you knew it. Now that I think about it, I was foolish and afraid. I just wanted more options, I wanted to plan a better future where my own career was stable Fany." He touched my arm and I yanked it away.

"Don't." I warned. "You left me without saying anything. How did you think I felt when I heard people talk about your achievements, heard your name across seas and heard your name Professor being paraded around me? You were scared about us."

"We were still young! In university Fany! We were high school sweet hearts!"

"You only came back when you heard about Nick and what he did to me." I mumbled.

"And I stayed, comforting you."

"Then you left, but before you left you pulled this same shit telling me you still missed me, loved me and wanted us back but you never made it happen. You never took initiative, all you were was just talk and it hurt-"

He kissed me, he placed both hands on my cheeks and kissed me on the lips. I couldn't breath for a second, my mind couldn't register it and react fast enough to stop it in the first place.

It rang and created a bell in my mind, an alarm.

I pushed at his chest and kept using my force but he wouldn't let go of me, his lips were so eager.

I shoved at him harder and when he finally let go breathless and wiped his lips I slapped him across the face.

It was an instinct.

That wasn't okay.

The look on his face, was so much different from anything I have ever seen him put on before. It looked so mean, like I woke another side of me because he huffed, angrily putting his arm down and turning around.

"That won't change my status with Taeyeon. Please let us go, I'm sure you can find someone better than me who sees eye to eye with you. I'm sorry I can't be that person, and I'm sorry I'm not the same girl you dated a few years ago." My quivering voice wanted to break but I couldn't.

He got into his car and literally drove off with me watching him. I shook my head, hailing a taxi to go home.

Now all I can think about is Taeyeon, the date I'm late for and how I'm going to tell him what just happened.

It's so hard, life is so complicated.

I unlocked the door to see white vanilla candles lit in corners of the room. I took off my shoes and walked inside the living room and it was pretty much pitch black except for the few select candles that were barely lit up.

Tae was at the dinner table, legs crossed with a wine glass in his hand and a cigar in his other. He looked rather pissed and I totally forgot about our special 'date' we were supposed to have. It was well into the night at least 11 PM the last time I checked and I wasn't ready for the storm that was going to happen between Taeyeon and I.

"Hi." I dared myself to say. He scoffed before putting out his cigar and taking a sip of his drink.

"Hi?! Where have you been?!" It almost sounded like a growl, his deep husky voice used to be a turn on but now it's scary.

I fidget in my spot and start playing with my fingers. I didn't even want to look at him; I couldn't even do that, the room was kind of dark and the candle light just made him look like an evil villain perched upon a chair.

"I was at work." I whisper.

He stares at me longer, eyes unmoved and he looked like he would suck the soul out of me.

"Work, really? Wanna explain why something work related with Siwon made you late?! You cheating on me huh? No one comes home this late and says they were at work. Did you even have the slightest memory of me planning a fucking dinner for the both of us today? But you went out with fucking Siwon? Did you suck his little dick? Get dicked by him in his car?!" He yelled so loudly that I felt my ears about to burst. He clutched his fists and got up from his seat.

"Oh my god, I didn't cheat on you okay?! It was my fault I shouldn't have pushed aside out date but it was really work related and then we lost track of time and I forgot okay? I'm sorry Taeyeon but I didn't cheat on you, please don't start thinking that."

"Lost track of time, good fucking excuse Steph. Why can't you fucking act like you have a boyfriend, tell him you're not single! You're mine Steph, and I don't want anyone else to take you away from me! I'm scared and I'm insecure about it yes, but you have to understand that I don't want to lose you! I almost lost you once and I'm not going to lose you again!" He bangs on the table and kicks a chair over turning his back against me.

I let the words 'I almost lost you and I'm not going to lose you again' replay in my mind a million times as I see his figure breathing in roughly. Why did those words cut so deep. I'm having a feeling it slices like a hot knife through butter because of how true his statement was.

"Taeyeon, I went to the amusement park with him to plan our a field trip for my kids. We lost track of time and ended up staying there loner than we intended to. Tonight I told him that I was marrying you, and I'm in love with you and nobody else. That's all that happened." I softly say to gently coax him to turn around. I reach out for his hand and he pulls away from me. I felt tears start to well in my eyes as I saw him push me away.

"You know, I wanted to make it up to you because I was being a dick. But I guess I was wrong to even think of making it up to you after you pull this shit." He throws his glass on the floor and let's it shatter into pieces before untying his bow tie and storming off into the room.

I stepped towards the dinner table and there was a bouquet of flowers that had a note in it. It was for me as I figured.

Cutiepie Pany,

Sorry for being a dick. :[

\- Dicky Tae

I sat down at the table and my head just kept throbbing. I dropped the note on the table and when I looked up, the table had a nice meal laid on it. It was cold and none of it has been touched. Taeyeon waited for me the entire day to have a nice dinner with me and I couldn't even give him that.

This was his apology and I feel bad. Like really bad.

From the little surprise gifts he gave me yesterday, to the dinner date we were supposed to have. I ruined all of those.

I cleaned up the table and the shattered glass before picking up his unraveled bow tie and making my way upstairs.

I settled into bed and throughout the night I tossed and turned. It was extremely unsettling that Taeyeon wasn't beside me. It felt too weird and I missed him. I admit defeat honestly, he's trying so hard to be the nice guy in our fight right now and I have to give him so credit. I should be the one surrendering, it was my fault anyways.

I hit my pillow a bunch of times out of frustration before sitting up and letting out a long sigh. I grabbed my monkey and hugged it close to me as I crept downstairs to see Tae sprawled on the couch with the TV on playing some pretty bad infomercials.

I knew I sent him downstairs but still. I didn't want to fight for more than a day, it lasted long enough.

I sat on the small space of the couch beside Tae and poked his stomach.

"Taeyeon?" I whispered. He stirs in his sleep before opening one of his eyes and frowning.

"Hm?" His voice laced with a tremendous amount of sleep and huskiness. It almost sounded like an annoyed grunt.

I stayed silent playing with my fingers not knowing what to say. I felt so guilty towards him like I made him sleep on the couch, I stood him up for dinner on a special night for someone that caused our main fight a day ago.

". . ."

"Can't sleep?" He asks turning to the other side and I continued to stare at his back. Why did he have to do that? Turn his back to me and talk to the sofa instead of me?

"No, there was a bug in my room and like, it was just lounging there and invading my personal space. Then the night light in my room was too bright but I didn't want to turn it off because I'm scared the demons from the movie we watched a few nights ago would drag me into the bathroom and kill me." I hugged my stuffed monkey tighter and looked at my personal bodyguard's body heave slightly up and down.

". . ." He facepalms himself before letting out a sigh.

"Um, lame excuse I know. B-but, Taetae, I can't sleep." I whisper quietly, fumbling with my words. I think I heard him chuckle, I'm not sure but I wanted him to at least talk to me.

He sighs loudly and starts scratching the back of his head. "You can sleep out here, I'll sleep inside if that's what you want." I shook my head but he gets up and the sight of a bare chested Tae walking past me as he carried a pillow and a blanket.

I followed him upstairs as he got into bed. When he put an arm over his eyes I pulled the sheets up, crawling into it and laying on top of Tae.

He sighed and moved his arm to see me right up close personal to his face.

"God I can't get mad at you if you're like this." He groans, smushing my cheeks together with his rough hands.

I smiled, well tried to.

"Baby, I'm sorry." I mutter as I kiss his jaw and he wraps his arms tighter around me.

I heard him mutter a 'fuck' before running his hand through his hair. "I really can never be mad at you when you're like this. It's almost unfair." He says with a frown.

"I'm sorry Taebear." I caressed his tone stomach as it was another one of my tactics to soothe him.

"Fuck Fany-ah, I'm sorry too but I'm so pissed at you. But I can never stay mad at you." I can hear him breath out heavily before brushing his nose against my forehead.

"I love you, and I want to keep it that way. It's never going to be anyone else and I want you to know that." I whisper against his lips and he forms a dimple that I poked before caressing his cheek and kissing him.

"I hate it when we fight. One of us ends up sleeping outside or we ignore each other for a long time, it doesn't feel right Taetae. I miss us." He hums and pulls my face closer to his and kisses me slowly and lovingly.

He lets me wrap my legs around his waist as he carries me to bed. He places me down before hovering on top of him and I part my legs for him to slot in between them.

His face still had a frown etched into it and I grabbed his face and smothered it with kisses.

"Stop scowling baby Tae."

"I can't help it. We just had a fight and now we're here. I hate seeing you with other guys besides me. You're all mine and I only want you."

"Then stop jumping into conclusions and thinking of the absolute worst and maybe we won't fight hm?" He looks up at me and I giggled before pressing his soft spot to get him to calm down.

"Then why did you not show up to our date? You knew about it."

"I'm sorry, I really did lose track of time okay? That was my fault. I know nothing can make up for that lost time but I promise I won't do it again." He nods and sighs. I can tell he's still a little bit upset but I don't blame him.

"I didn't expect you to follow me upstairs. I thought you'd give me the cold shoulder again. I wanted to ignore you and push you away but I don't know, you always seem to keep me tamed." He mumbles against my neck before kissing it and leaving a lick on it. I groaned and pushed his shoulder before letting him spoon me.

"I'll make it up to you baby, for our missed date." I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed it and he brought it down to play with my ring.

"I'm really sorry." He mumbles against my neck and kissing it softly, and holding onto my waist.

I wanted to turn around so badly but I wanted to see what else he'd say.

"I hate it when we fight. I say the stupidest shit and I'm insensitive. I don't deserve you, you deserve everything in the world but me." He whispers again.

Heart wrenching words that are effective at tearing down my walls and makes me put my guard down; only Taeyeon can do that. Only him.

"I, I'm sorry Fany-ah. I really am. I love you so much it hurts." He slips his hand on top of mine and brings it to his lips pecking it softly and snuggling closer to me.

"I can't sleep without you, I also can't sleep knowing you're mad at me. I will never learn, I'm so fucking stupid. But let this be known, you're mine Steph. All mine."

I should've said something, but we'll be fine. Like he has always said, 'we'll be okay Fany-ah, we'll be alright.'

"I was wrong too. Don't be so harsh on yourself big guy. I was being a complete bitch so if it makes you feel better you get 3 free make up passes." I pat his hand on my stomach and he sighs.

"So you're saying 3 free make up sex passes." From the back of my head I can just visualize Taeyeon wiggling his eyes brows.

"Hm, it can if you want it to be." I decide to be a little playful to lighten up the mood.

He gasped. I smiled and turned around, pressing my forehead against his. I was so close to him and missed him terribly, I was invading his breathing space and I hope he knew I intentionally intruded it.

"Can I tell you something?" I ask quietly, seeing how he was almost dozing off.

"Yeah."

"Promise you won't flip out and murder that person?" I ask cautiously.

"Depends on what that person did, but sure."

"Seriously."

"I said it depends and that's as close of a yes you'll get from me Fany."

"Fine, but you I'm telling you this because you deserve to know." I pulled his ear a bit so he knows that it's a bit serious.

He nodded. "Okay, okay."

I took a deep breath and hoped for the best outcome. "That night I came back from the fair, Siwon tried to kiss me." I said as quietly as I can and as fast as I could.

Taeyeon looked at me unfazed, expressionless and cold.

I poked his arm and he simply got up and dug around his drawer.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing." He mumbles. He then pulls out a gun and cocks it, making the sound of a locked and loaded weapon and I kicked his butt.

"You said you wouldn't go man hunting him! Put that weapon away before you hurt yourself Taetae!"

"But he kissed what's mine! He kissed the Stephanie Hwang. He kissed my Miyoungie! I'm going to teach that boy a lesson."

"Taeyeon-ah!"

"Fine! I won't shoot him up like Swiss cheese. I'll just punch him with my fists, multiple times. Like through him, like a hole puncher for paper."

"Taeyeon. . ."

"Or, if you prefer I'll break his limbs and arrange his body into a fucked up mangled shape thing. Do you prefer a square Siwon, diamond Siwon, or a pentagon Siwon?"

"I slapped him across the face though!"

"You did! That's my baby girl right there! Babe I'm so proud of you!" He hauls me up and carries me on his shoulder, parading me around like I'm so cherished queen.

"Did he cry, did you make him cry?" He asked in amusement.

"I don't know it might've hurt his ego though." I shrugged, still on his shoulders.

He lays me down on the bd and pins me there, that stupid shit eating grin was all over his face. "Wanna make love?"

"W-What?! Taeyeon!"

"If I see him I'm going to beat the fuck out of him and don't think I won't, because look what happened to Nicky boy and Cheoldick. Shitwon is next."

I rolled my eyes. "You're going to go out of your way to see Siwon and punch his guts out."

"Damn straight baby, you know what's going on already babycakes."

"Can you like, get off of me?" I wheezed.

"Wanna make love, you can be on top of me." He said wiggling his brows.

I choked on his words and almost wanted to punch him. Almost.

There was a loud banging on the wall behind us and both of us froze.

"Shut the fuck up you two! I'm trying to sleep!" Sooyoung hollered and I was afraid she'd storm in the room and hit us with her broomstick.

Taeyeon bursted out laughing, snuggling closer to me. "Oops, guess we gotta be quiet or else tall ladder will slaughter us." He said in between his kissings. We laid so awkwardly in bed, my legs were dangling off the bed and he wouldn't stop being on top of me.

"By the way, we can go home after this. I'm making the announcement of me stepping down tomorrow and I'll pay off the pesky taxman so he'll stop trailing our asses." He mumbled against my head.

"Yay, home." I clapped quietly.

"Yay, more sex on furniture and out in the open!"

I sighed, smacking his ass one more time before accepting the fact that I indeed was going to sleep like this because the next second I took a glance at him he dozed off, snoring.


	30. Run

Kim Taeyeon

I don't think she really knew how upset I was. I was so mad that she missed our date and angry as hell when she told me during those hours she was on a date with him which was supposed to be with me. Those missed hours were with him and he fucking kissed her.

And I wasn't there to stop him, or pummel him to the ground and kick him to the moon.

But just like that she was already in my arms sleeping soundly, probably thinking that everything was all fine and dandy.

I know for sure every fucking fiber in my body wanted to yell at her but you know. . .

I promised her I changed though right? So that means keeping my harsh words to my self and biting on my tongue when I wanted to say.

I propped my head up with my arm, watching her sleep so closely and soundly near me. I felt like a total creep just watching her sleep but I've done it before so what makes it different?

I brushed the fringe that managed to fall back, tucking her smooth silky hair behind her ear.

Her breathing alone is kind of therapeutic, but this time it wasn't enough to put me to sleep.

I got up, making my way into my den but not before pulling the sheets up to cover my Fany, tucking her to sleep. I tucked in monkey George in her arms, it can be me for awhile.

I pulled open a drawer and a stack of golden coins came out. I took out my blue cardstock and cut it into the dimensions I could fold neatly.

My little arts and crafts every night was done when she was asleep, just before the day ended so I could write in all my stuff.

With a steady hand and my glasses on, I started to write.

Day 87.

We were all over the places with our days, but I resumed when she wanted it back at Disneyland. Plus, I only counted the days when I thought it was worthy.

Day 87:

Fany-ah. I felt like you stuck a blade into me and pulled it out, leaving me bleeding. I told you Siwon was up to no good, that he had some sort of second agenda. I don't know why you went out with him in the first place knowing how he is, it was really out there. As soon as I went to pick you up and saw him, I didn't know what to say. I didn't question where you were going to go with hm, but I took your word for it. I trusted you Fany. It kind of really did feel like I got a slap in the face when I waited hours for you to come home. I thought you were still at the school, or something happened with Anna, or at least a traffic jam kept you there,

And I ran out of space. I had so many things to say, I could've argued more I wanted to tell her how I felt but it's so hard in person.

I don't know if there's even a mean bone in her, but I'm so confused because this is out of character for her, she's always punctual, she's very observant and catches on easily to these things. I don't understand how this mess even happen.

No matter, this is just another small fight. It just kind of makes me unsettled.

I trusted her, she told me she'd be back, but then they went on a date at the amusement park and he even kissed her.

It's so wrong in my head as I kept saying it to myself, but I heard her explanation nd I get it. It's not that bad, but she still had some wrongs. I did too, for shouting those pretty cold words at her, but harsh words don't make me feel better.

My pen kept dotting a certain spot on the paper, I wanted to continue but I had no space. Should I have crossed out some words? Rephrased things a bit better? Or scrap the entire thing and write about something happier.

"Taetae?" I heard the creek of the door and her small head popped in between them, arms hugging onto monkey George as she oh so cutely rubbed her tired eyes and shuffled to me.

"Yes, love?" I slipped the blue sheet into my drawer as quickly as I could. I might as well burn it now.

"Why aren't you in bed?" She shuffles over to me, and I rolled back in my chair creating space as she climbed into my lap.

"Ah, wasn't feeling like sleeping. My brain was up doing laps. I can't stop thinking about tomorrow, you know? With the company and stuff. Stepping down. ." I told her half truthfully, the other thing that kept me up was our fight.

She hummed, slipping her hand between my pajama top.

I've always liked it when she snuggled closer to my body, tucking herself underneath my chin and it was all the reason I got the arm-rest-less computer chair.

I patted her back, fixing monkey George in her hold.

"What were you writing Taetae?"

"Oh, nothing important. Just doodling dicks on a sticky note." I said chuckling. I mean, it was something I definitely do anyways.

She turned around on my lap and pulled on my drawer, but I had a hand holding it closed.

"Baby, really." I said quietly, peering from the side of her shoulder.

"I want to see, Taetae." She pecked my cheek and somehow that made me feel all fuzzy, fuzzy enough to let go out fo the drawer for a second and she got in like a mouse.

She pulled out the blue cardstock and her eyes briefly scanned it before I plucked it of her hand.

"Taetae!"

"It's private, you can't read it." I teased, extending my arm and she was like a jumping frog trying to reach for it.

"I saw my name on it." She whined.

"Well shit, you got me. You still can't read it though."

"Why not?"

"Because it's my love letter to you, a confession."

"More reason to read it."

I shook my head. "No, Fany, really. It's something private."

This little sly piglet snatched it from my hand and got of my lap, pushing me and the chair to the corner.

She sprinted out of my den, and I heard a door shut. I walked over to our bedroom, knocking on it twice.

"Fany-ah, please don't read it?" I asked quietly, sliding down the door and leaning on it. Sigh.

I knew she was reading it and now I wish I never wrote it. I silently waited behind the door, waiting for something to happen, or even a sound I could hear.

When the door knob turned and it clicked I stood up, seeing the door crack open.

I pushed it open slightly, seeing her all sad looking.

Damn it.

I pulled her into a hug, kissing the side of her head. I saw the piece of paper slip between her fingers and land on the floor, facing down. I sighed and took a deep breath, keeping her head near me.

"Did you feel that way? This entire time?"

"Yeah. ."

She didn't say anything more and I didn't want to look at her just yet, in fear that she might look even more sad or cry.

"Wanna sleep it off?"

She shook her head. "Why didn't you say anything Taetae?"

"I don't know. Habit of mine I guess."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay, you didn't. . know." I trailed off.

"That's not an excuse to do what I did." She sighed. "I don't know how to make it up to you. Knowing you, you'll remember this for a very long time."

"I'll get over it soon." I reassured her.

When I cupped her cheek I knew I was right, about her crying and that sad puppy face.

"I'm not a plumber, so stop leaking water. Your body needs it for chemical reactions, to regulate your body temperature and most importantly a substance that blood can be transported in."

"Stupid science nerd." She half cried and half laughed. I kissed her lips, sitting on the bed and she followed.

I liked having a pretty lady sit on top of my stomach, playing with my hair.

"You need a haircut, it's getting a bit long." She poked my head and I bit her finger.

"You don't like it long?"

"Not when it gets in your eyes and is a nuisance to you working." She smiled, leaning down our lips just brushing against each other.

"You need to sleep. You have tomorrow to worry about." She mumbled against my lips, teasing me.

"Tomorrow isn't important, you are."

"I'm worried about you, you'd spend nights staying up thinking." Why is she so right?

"Not as much as before Fany-ah. You helped with that a lot."

"But now I'm one of the things you'll be worrying about tonight when you say you'll sleep but instead won't." She uttered quietly.

She knows me too well, way too fucking well. Damn.

"Are you going to beat yourself up over this?"

"I wouldn't have known if I didn't read what you had felt."

"I would've told you sooner or later if it got bad." I told her honestly, because if it did get bad I would tell her.

"If you didn't?"

"Then I didn't."

"Make a promise to me?"

"Can I guess what it is?" She nodded.

"To tell you everything I feel, right or wrong?"

She looped her arms around my neck and sighed. "I want to know whats on your mind, what's keeping you awake at night because if you can't sleep I can't either."

"Yes you can." I said.

"Have you noticed how 90% of the time when you get up, I do too a couple of moments later?"

Oh, right. She's not wrong.

"If I promise you that, can you promise me something back?" I asked gingerly, was I even in the right place to ask for a promise.

"Yeah."

"I know this is a long shot and kind of a bit suffocating but can you . . not talk to anyone who I deem not . . in your best interests? Or at least take into consideration what I have said about . . that person, or a future person?" This is literally my wish and it'll solve so many fights in the future. This is what I want from her, and yes yes it's a little bit of a reach but I can try?

"Taeyeon-ah, if you ask me to do that I will. It's not a ridiculous request considering that I just did to you." She patted my cheek and kissed me goodnight, dozing off before I did.

I slept like a baby knowing that. I got my wish.

But, despite me forgiving her and settling most of my feelings down. I will remember this, I just do. I don't necessarily hold grudges, but it's something I don't forget. Like she's said to me one time, forgive, but don't forget.

I woke up to kisses all over my face and a some nibbles. I opened an eye and pushes Fany's head away playfully, till she came back and resumed what she was doing.

"Whats this Ms. Hwang?"

"A treat for Baby Tae, he has a big day ahead of him today. I just wanted to start things right."

"I, Kim Taeyeon have the best fucking girlfriend."

She giggled and continued to let me be half asleep as I stroked her back, feeling her nibbling my jaw.

The chimes of my phone got me groaning this morning, my arm extended fully to reach for the mobile device on my night stand, flicking it open blindly and answering it.

"Are you heading to the office today?" My body tensed at the voice it's one I haven't heard in so long.

"Yeah, why?" I had to shift slightly up, tilting my head along with it to be able to talk without Fany attacking me.

She giggled and played with my ear, trailing kisses on my neck too and I squirmed a bit in my spot.

"I don't think you should go. Turn on the TV." The other end cut off and I stared at the black screen.

"What's wrong baby? Who was that?" Fany muttered between her kisses and I pulled her to sit up, kissing her pouty lips.

"Heechul." I mumbled, I even knew I sounded sad. Fany stroked my back and sat in between my legs as I reached for the remote, hastily turning it on.

My name was plastered on the bottom in big bold red letters in a banner, a news reporter was saying my name, my company and the words 'cops' and 'raid.'

The footage showed a dozen police cars surrounding the building and a herd of the guys in blue rushing inside the entrance, the receptionist was chaotic and when they panned over to my office it was empty.

I wasn't there, obviously and they seemed pretty fucking pissed about that.

I turned it the TV off and ran my hand through my hair, a small soft hand squeezed my bicep and I glanced over.

"You're not going to go, are you?"

I shook my head. Heechul called me, and tat was already a precaution not to.

"Baby, come here." She cooed and I tackled her onto bed, pulling at her night gown as she undid my pajama top.

I was already so frustrated and she knew that. She let me have her for a moment, to relieve some stress and I couldn't think about a more perfect wife that I could marry right now and then.

I squinted and stopped kissing her. "Wait a minute, last night I asked if you were inf the mood. . to do the you know what. You said you weren't. . now you're here tugging away my undies. . but I'm not really in the mood." I mumbled, lifting my head up to give her a cheeky smile.

She deadpanned, smacked my forehead and pushed me to sit up. "Yah!" She attacked me, pulling my shirt over and up to my face, covering it and I was like a headless chicken. "Take it off Taetae! Or I'll have to rip it off you!"

Ooo. Mama bear.

"Listen, you horny little one. I want my shirt back. I'm not in the mood for the sexy times!"

I think she roared at me. "You're just being petty about yesterday night I'm available now so take it or leave it!" She kept yanking at my shirt and I rolled around in bed, pushing her away with my long legs.

"Hey, hey. You wanna. . try something new today?" I nodded to my own idea, waiting for her reaction.

"What does it involve. . ." She asked cautiously, but her little sly smile I didn't miss.

"The hot tub." I whispered in her ear and she giggled, ripping my shirt apart. I sighed. It was my favourite pajamas too. You know? The one with bears all over it.

But when a loud bang followed by the roaring engines of a truck started to grow louder and louder I sat up, almost bonking my head with Fany's.

"Taetae? What's that sound?" She whispered, I felt her hand tugging the back of my shirt.

I shuffled closer to the closed curtains peeling it backs lightly for a small peep hole, seeing the red and blue lights trail from the bottom of the hill making it's way up.

I held my breath, clutching the curtains before snapping the two together, closing the hole I made and hiding us.

I turned around slowly, seeing how concerned and wide eyed my baby piglet was.

"Run." I muttered.

"R-Run?" The slight distress in her voice made me want to roll over and die.

"Run!"

I vaulted over my bed and grabbed her hand, but she let go and went underneath the bed, pulling out a small cardboard box. She grabbed my written confession on the floor and held my hand, nodding.

I grabbed her soft hands again tightly, pulling her away from the room to sprint down the stairs.

Sirens were blaring by then, they came here too fast. The damn cops were quick. Every window I managed to get an peek of we're just shining with patriotic lights.

We were surrounded and I had a little panic inside me.

When my bicep was being held tightly like a clamp I glanced over at the equally panicking girl clutching the cardboard box to her chest like it was the only belonging she had. What was inside it, I don't know.

I went upstairs again, and pushed her into my den. I shut the heavy doors and locked it, sliding chairs underneath the doorknob and flipping sofas up to barricade the thick wooden doors. It should buy us enough time.

I trashed my entire den, making it a mess and Fany didn't question it. It was just to mask everything if they did find anything. A little inconvenience if I may add for them.

I went over to my bookshelf, pulling out a book titled 'How to Raise Aliens' and touched the exposed shelving in the back.

My fingers felt around the back board, feeling a small square of wood loosen up. I slid it up and placed my thumb in the finger scanner and with a hiss the bookshelf moved.

"What the fuck Taeyeon!" Fany slapped my back and bore flaming arrows at me.

"Hi." I replied.

"Hi?! What is this?! This looks like it came straight out of the movie!"

When the bookshelf settled I pushed her in and apologized, going back out to close the finger print scanner, placing the wood grain covering back and sliding my book back on the shelf.

I slipped past the closing door before it shut me out and bumped into Fany who stood in front of me awed at the room.

"Did you not expect me to have a secret safe room in this house?" I muttered, rubbing my aching knees.

"Honestly? I kind of did."

"Right, it shouldn't be a shocker then but . ."

"Taeyeon! There's a fucking rocket launcher in the middle of your gun rack! How am I not supposed to be shocked!"

I sighed and went over to my beloved shelving filled with firearms and tactical grenades.

I heard the rumbling of the outdoors and I knew they were trying to get in to this room. My house was probably searched, trespassed and trampled on by now.

"Taeyeon, what's happening."

"Cops."

"You think I don't already know that?"

The rumbling and topping of furniture echoed through the walls, even my blast resistant metal sheeted capsule could hear that.

"Kim Taeyeon you are under arrest! Show your hands or we'll bomb the place in exactly 15 minutes!"

Fany glanced at me and looked a bit worried. I patted her bum and made her scoot forward, eyeing the city map hung on the wall.

"What did you do, Taeyeon?"

"I don't know. As far as I know I haven't done anything illegally with the business."

"Triad?"

"I kept that well hidden."

"Someone told."

"We don't know that yet." I ended the conversation and ushered her to my shelves, briefly explaining everything to her in case she needed to use it. For . .self defense.

"What's this?" She pulled a gun off the shelf and looked at it with confusion and distastefully.

"AR-15, 11.5 inch compensated with an iron bonded bolt carrier, spec. scope with a 1.5x magnification and a textured grip, for better leverage. You can also appreciate the red dot laser sight equipped with 15 LED flashlight in case things get . . dark."

"I have no idea what you just said but it sounds dangerous." She muttered and put the gun back on the stand.

She accidentally pushed a secret button on the table and shrieked, huddling closer to me as she eyed the table that unfolded itself into 5 steel compartments.

"Knives!? Look at all this cutlery Taeyeon! Why in the hell would you need over 100 types of knives!"

"They're cool. And they stab people."

"I'm done."

I watched her as I got my gear ready. She was actually curious, touchy and very inquisitive.

"Taetae what's this- oh shit." Her dress caught the key of one of my grenades, yanking it out cleanly.

I froze for 0.5 seconds and heard the clink of the metal key drop on my immaculate white floor.

I grabbed Fany, roughly bringing her behind the table and shielding her entire body away from the blast, covering her as much as I can.

Our skins were touching and I closed my eyes.

"If we die from your stupidity I want you to know I love you so much, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me since fidget spinners, and you're really good in bed-"

Then a blast went off and the entire room filled with smoke.

I glanced up. My shelter didn't crumble, there was no Big Bang. Just a hiss with fluffy white smoke filling every crevice in the room.

"Fany you detonated a fucking smoke screen!"

"Yay! We didn't die! Thank god it was a smoke screen!" She gleefully cheered and I wanted to knock myself out.

"If that was a grenade?!" I hollered, eyeing her in utmost disbelief.

I'm about to faint.

"Then the last words I'd hear before exploding into bits from you was that I was good in bed." She smiled.

I wanted to get up but she pulled me down, making me sit flat on my ass with a thud. "W-What."

"You're really hot you know? Shirt ripped open, walking like a manly macho man. Taeng oppa. ."

"Are you . ." Is she like.

She shoved me away and stood up. "I'm just saying how I feel okay! God! Doesn't mean I want to fuck you all over your guns!"

My brows hikes up to my hairline, smiling.

Oh man, I couldn't stop smiling to myself the entire time I was filling my duffel bag. A pair of extra clothes for me and her, couple of international dollars, gun, ammo. Light stuff, oh and a bag of my favourite jellies. I almost forgot my passports if Fany hadn't snooped around.

"You have so many . . so many fake Taeyeon's. Woah, a Thailand passport."

"I got a Germany, Japan, New Zealand, Canada, and a Britain one too. Oh, that reminds me. I got a stack of them fake ones for you too."

She blinked at the colourful stack and opened a couple of them, confirming that yeah these are her fake ones. I got her picture and everything.

"We're running away, aren't we?" She whispered, her eyes uncertain.

"I'm not going to jail. Fuck no. We'll get new identities, make go under witness protection program or something I don't know I'll figure it out later."

"Are you the real Kim Taeyeon I know then? Not some fake bogus American one?"

"Yes, I am the real Kim Taeyeon. In the flesh and bones baby, touch me." I made her touch my ass and she scoffed.

She kind of bit her lip and just watched me pack things, the ruckus outside getting more hectic. "We're leaving the country . . right?"

I held both her shoulders, bending down to reach her height. "I know leaving everything behind right now is not your first option. But we have to get out first okay? Trust me. We'll come back, I'll make sure there will be little change as much as possible except maybe the location we're living at." I kissed her forehead, resuming my packing.

I was getting a bit anxious as I stared at the door, my multitasking skills were going on overdrive.

"T-This is the first time I've really seen this side of you. The gangster side of you."

I chuckled. "I don't like that word."

"What else can I describe you with? I've heard you threaten people, beat up people and other things. But this, this makes you look like a spy an assassin or an insane killing machine."

I nodded. "I used to be, people feared me." I said honestly.

"How come they don't fear you now?"

"I'm not in power anymore, I don't have many people backing me up. I'm just one man Fany-ah, I'm outnumbered."

"So? You can pew-pew, dragon kick them to the moon and boom their sorry asses away for messing with you?!" I chuckled and hugged her, patting her head.

"It's not that easy, no matter how skilled I am it's never enough. I'm not a super hero, nor am I an invincible villain. This isn't the movies Fany-ah, I'm bound to get hurt by one person out of the 15 or 20 I fight."

"But you're SuperTaeng. You're a bear, and bears are scary."

"Not this bear, apparently I'm really cuddly, cute and gentle."

"True. . ." She mumbled against my chest.

"Let's get geared up. Probably have to fight some bad guys."

She frowned and took the least threatening thing out of my arsenal, a packet of peanuts.

"Fany, that can't kill."

"Imagine if one of the enemies was allergic to peanuts? That would kill." She said with her deadly eyesmiles.

I face palmed so hard I heard the loudest smack.

"What about this?" She says lifting up a large stone I sharpen my tools on.

"I have knives freshly stoned, a fucking grenade launcher that can shoot up to 150 ft and explode into fire and you're looking at a rock?!"

"I'm going to beat them to death with my rock." She says cutely with an out pour of determination. She was so cute, yet I felt bad for tainting her precious innocent mine.

I made her sit on the table, rummaging through another closet for bullet proof vests.

All of these vests were tailored to fit my body so it was hard to find something petite. She was small height wise too so that was a problem.

I settled her in for a light vest, tightening it around her body. I made her loop around her waist a tactical belt, complete with a poisonous pepper spray, rope, a sturdy knife and a gun. Gotta keep it light for her.

She poked at the gun and frowned and I told her it was for 'just in case.'

"Come on, we spent a total of 10 minutes in here and we need to go. Cops are still up there running around like headless chicken."

"Y-You have to teach me how to use it. ."

"Grip here, unlock safety here, slide here, put finger here, pull trigger here, pull here for reload and voila." I pointed to various parts of the gun and she looked heavily distressed.

"How am I supposed to remember all that! I don't want the gun!"

"It's for your own safety, I have at least 30 guns willing to be pointed at me Fany-ah!"

"I don't want to kill anyone!"

"Then beat them up with your rock, throw peanuts at them, rip their leg hair off, I don't know! But do those options sound like they will protect you Hwang Miyoung?!"

She kept quiet, and I huffed. Using her Korean name always was a little. . unorthodox.

"Unless you wanna poke at them with a knife, that's equally acceptable too." I mumbled.

"You have 5 minutes Kim Taeyeon!" The voice was faint through these thick walls but I knew my little bunker here wouldn't survive that blast. We needed to move.

I flipped a switch and a glass cover slid open underneath us, I stepped in it and held out my hand.

"Trust me?"

She nodded and held my hand firmly. I walked slowly for her to catch up behind me as I guided her threw the maze of pathways.

As soon as I saw the little puddle outside with vegetation overgrowing to my side of the gate I looked behind me then forward.

I placed the thermite paste on the metal bars and lit a match, throwing it on the red goopy paste and waiting for the sparkler like thing to dissipate and burn off the bars.

"Wow, fireworks."

"Poor mans fireworks. I used to play with this stuff as a kid, I had no idea how I got my hands on this type of shit but I did. Guess what I made with it?"

"A dick."

"Yup, then I lit it off and it sparkled everywhere. It got fucking lit."

Fany slapped my back and started to laugh, holding onto my shoulder as I kicked the loose bars out.

A rubber dingy floating on top of 6 inches of water was our escape. I jumped into the boat and it bobbed with my weight, I carefully assisted Fany to get on and I set the duffel bag onto it and revved the engine on the back, steering it out of the tunnel and into the lake.

As soon as I saw the light from the flashlight graze over to the area we were at before disappearing, I revved up the engine and smacked the boat controller forward.

A far distance from the house and when I knew the coast was a bit calmer and more clear I sighed, sprawling myself flat on the small dingy's floor. "Fany here's our plan. We sail across the lake which isn't very far and onto a separate land which is kind of isolated from the city but it has a road connecting back to the streets. Over there is my cabin which I'm pretty sure hasn't been raided yet because I haven't told anyone about it. If there's a chance or something happens at the cabin we can go to the safehouse, you've been there before and-"

"Shh, shh baby calm down." She patted my cheek and wiped the sweat off my forehead, and soon I sat up and in between her legs as my arm occasionally reached up to steer the boat.

She looked at me lovingly without a word and the waters surrounding us kept it that way.

We were leaving and she understood that. She trusted me.

Suddenly she ripped the sleeve of my shirt open, patching my bullet graze up. "I don't know where you'll be taking me, but I trust you. I know you will protect me, you promised me."

I felt my stomach start to spawn butterflies and do somersaults in there. Oh sheesh.

"Look, honestly I have no idea whats happening. I really don't, but I'll get to the bottom of this okay?"

She nodded and smiled, cupping both my cheeks. "My little bear." She crawled in my lap and sat in between my legs now, taking my arm to wrap it around her own waist and in a time like this I was calm.

Way too calm.

When I saw the helicopter in the distance with a spotlight searching the sea I pulled the boat over into a secluded area where overgrown branches trees and vegetation started to happen. I did my best docking the small dingy, covering it up and hiding underneath the rocks by it.

I was sure that the helicopter couldn't see from birds eye view we were here. Even then I held my love close, hearing our both ragged breaths. Holding it whenever we saw the light shine on top of us.

We headed back on the boat and sailed further, but midway I heard the motor start to stutter, getting quieter and quieter.

"What's wrong?"

"Burnt out motor.

The yellow light pinged, signaling a warning and I could only go as far as the motor can take me before we could be stranded and stuck in the middle of the lake.

I steered the boat to be closer to the coast, hearing the slow hymns of the vessel before it stopped entirely.

"Lets go foot soldier, guess we're walking."

I clipped back on my vest and belt, digging in the emergency compartment for a compass and binoculars.

We were just shy of a hill while the far distant had lights shining, showing civilization there.

How far we sailed, don't know. Where we were? Don't know.

My plan A and plan B were scrapped entirely with my motor being burnt the fuck out.

I shot a couple of holes in the boat, slowly seeing it sink.

I grabbed her hand tightly and walked uphill, I put a flashlight between my teeth and let my free hand hold a gun.

Fany didn't say a word and I had to praise her for being such a trooper.

We reached up the top of the hill and I almost wanted to fucking faint. Even I wanted to faint and I'm supposed to be good at this.

I leaned against a tree and brought Fany to sit with me. Before I could even pat the spot next to me a shot rang out and I pulled her down to duck.

"Fany, follow me." I whispered. I took a peek around the tree and a bullet hit the bark, causing it to break off and split into a bunch of pieces in front of me. I immediately shelled back, back hugging the trunk.

I kept my eyes on Fany who was between my legs. I poked her back and signaled her to run to the right of me. "Take cover, okay? The angle is from the right so get as close as you can."

I counted down 4 seconds that particular sniper would have to reload and pushed Fany to he other side, follower her closely as I stumbled on the ground.

Another shot, this time it got stuck in between the clumps of dirt. Right next to my hand.

"We can't go out in the open, but you see that forest up ahead? If we can clear that open area and distance in 13 seconds we can make it."

"How can you tell-"

"I've done it before. Now, listen to me. I know it's scary, I know your life can be ended in one bullet, and I know you don't want to loose sight of me but I promise you I'll be right by your side after those 13 seconds. Be strong, don't hesitate and make decisive decisions, okay?"

"Taetae." She shook her head, eyes filled with concern but this was not the time for concern.

"Miyoungie." I cooed just a bit, kissing the side of her head before letting her go.

"Ready?" I didn't even let her think bout the worst situation. I knew when the time was up she would act, she wouldn't stand there and cry, waiting for someone to escort her.

She was a strong one, a smart one. And that's what made it easier for me to escape with her.

A long pause and no shots. They were waiting. I grabbed a couple of acorns that had fallen and chucked them in the air, one of the bullets shredding right past it.

"Go!"

4 second intervals for a reload, and 13 seconds to make it past.

Fany has a better chance if they see me. They'll take their scope off her and aim it at me.

My chances good, I can make that 13 seconds.

I saw my small lump sprint across the open field as I followed behind her, shouldering my duffel bag that weighed me down and slowed me but it wasn't enough to stop me. I veered off to the left to distract them. My breath was catching up to me though, I could always do short distance as a high schooler and it served it's purpose.

What I didn't expect was the rain of bullet that started to fly at me. I ducked and held my head, lunging forward in my sprint to hopefully dodge a few.

It was no longer 1 lonely sniper bullet, it had to be at least 15 - 17 at once now. Assault rifles, SMG'S you name it. A pistol maybe? Fuck who knows.

I saw myself getting closer to my checkpoint but as I got closer I saw trees getting mauled by the deadly piercing lead. The ground seemed to fly in the air from the force f these single shots.

I can't panic though, because I was sure I'd make it.

My final leg of the race I lunged forward, but didn't realize the ricocheting of the bullet at a surrounding boulder and it grazed me right in the upper shoulder.

The energy too k me back a little but I wasn't too fazed by it because as soon as I was on the floor catching my breath with the trees covering my ass I glanced up to see Fany a good distance away from me, leaning against a tree with her chest heaving.

I walked to her, holding my shoulder.

"Little dumpling, come here." Fany's eyes met mine and it lit up, she hugged my waist and buried her face in my chest.

I pulled her off me and kissed her cheek and patted her head. "Good job, now I know you can run. Lets go buttercakes, we have a train to catch."

"Another city?"

"Nope, we're gonna catch a train, hop off midway and walk across the plains. We'd be in another state by then. Even if they are doing border checks they can't stop a national train in the middle of nowhere. They clear it before they go, but we'll get on after it goes." I smiled, reminiscing the times me and the crew train hopped just for fun.

Her eyes seemed a bit, distant. When I asked if she was okay she hesitated before she nodded, taking my hand gently.

Something was wrong, but I didn't want to pry when she said she was fine the third time I asked.

I wanted to light up the mood a bit after she seemed a bit down, I still haven't pried more but I figured maybe some happy thoughts would boost our morale for now. Walking for a long period of time was really shit.

"You were so cool running down the grass field baby! There was like bang bang bang all over you and then your hair was kind of caught in the wind and it like blew back! Plus I've never seen you exercise that hard before, a little sweat on Ms. Hwang is my new kink baby. You have no idea, you were fucking coolbeans." I gotta praise my little Olympic piglet.

"Oh, that reminds me. Once we cross the border to the state we'll hop on a plane and go to Switzerland before transferring to London or something. I heard your favourite rapper is performing there so we might as well kill 2 birds with one stone and see him while we're running away. Think of it as a super cool date with me, followed by running away from the cops and hiding!" I started to imagine a map and point to the imaginary thought in the air. I know Fany can't see but I'm trying my best to help her visualize. Heh.

"Wanna know another cool thing? My uncle owns a ranch in Scotland. We can go raise a couple of goats there. We'll be like, animal parents. I heard he's got a couple of cows and pigs there too. Or, if you don't fancy such big animals there's a bunch of chickens we can play with. I promise I won't slaughter them and turn them into your favourite nuggets because that's a little cruel." I chuckled. Imagine the horror when she'd wake up and see her chicken Lil Johnny chick gone, then she'd walk into the kitchen and see a single plate of chicken nuggets on it. God I can be so cruel and twisted for a joke. I can almost imagine the slaps I'd get, I can feel the hard word floor I'd be sleeping on for the night I'd be kicked out of the room. Haha.

"Aha! We'll go to Korea after that then! Fany! You can meet my grandparents! They live in a super far village that takes a ridiculous amount of fucking time to get and navigate there. I bet you the Feds will get lost in an instant. Anyways, I haven't visited the old wrinklies in forever, I'm sure they'll be happy I brought a pretty girl home don't you think? Man, we'll be hitchhiking al over the world at this rate. Let's call this a new chapter in our life."

Was she even listening? We were holding hands while I pulled her along to our destination and we were so close, I was talking pretty loudly so she probably was listening to my endless rambles.

"Hey, remember that bucket list I made awhile back? I promised to do your dreams, such as world domination? Eat 17 flavours of icecream at 12 in the morning? We can attend the Paris Fashion Week while we're traveling to London? See your favourite rapper if he happens to be in town? Your other ideas such as world domination, and a fashion line has to wait though, I still have to figure out how that'll all fit in with our schedule, but I'll make it work! The best part is, I'll be beside you in all of it. Doesn't that sound nice love?" I squeezed her hand and she responded back with a light squeeze.

I had a smile on my face talking about a quiet life with her. I can only dream, yet it was so close to being a reality.

"That sounds wonderful Taetae." She whispered. The pull on my arm started to get heavier and I furrowed my brows.

"Fany?"

She let go of my hand at the sound of her name and I glanced over my shoulder.

The sight of her on the ground kneeling with her hand sliding down the concrete pillar was enough to alarm me.

"Fany? H-Hey what's wrong?" I stuttered, sliding down on the floor and cupping her cheek.

Her eyes were streaming with tears, her lips quivered and when she broke the gaze with me and glanced down I followed.

Her precious soft hand that used to pat my back to sleep, or that used to rub my ear to calm me down was stained bloody red, purple bruises started to dot it and instinctively my own shaky masculine hands went to grab her soft ones.

I pried it gently off her lower torso, begging my eyes to deceive me and lie.

"Fany, no."

The bloody oval area with a perfect circle embedded inside didn't lie. It was a familiar sight.

I pressed my forehead against the side of my loves head, kissing her gently there hearing her shaking breaths.

Without looking I pressed my palm flat against the side of her abdomen, feeling the viscous warm liquid coat my hand.

"Shh, shh." I mumbled, my own heart clenching at the sight. Why her? Why not me? God, please help me.

"Taetae, it hurts." She whimpered. I pressed my hand firmly against her wounded body.

She nuzzled her face to my neck, and that fruity smell of her never left my nose.

"Baby, I-I won't let anything happen to you." I sat down in front of her, lifting my hand off her wound.

She had her head tilted back,closing her eyes.

It looked so bad, god damn it it looked so painful.

"I can't do it Taetae." My ears were so sharp when she said that, it perked up almost. I wanted to shake the sight out of my vision, I wanted to shake the sound of her giving up away.

"You will, we will. Let's run away together Fany." I promised her, holding her carefully.

"D-Don't leave me here to die, please Taetae?"

"God no, I could never. I promised you, didn't I?" I said in a hushed voice, trying to get her up on her two feet. I draped her arm over my shoulder, "That's it, come on little puppy. Just a little more?" I mumbled.

But they were no good, they couldn't support her and she fell back down on her knees. I caught her before her body toppled over.

Tears were springing in my eyes as I knelt down, but her droopy eyes and lolling head shook me to the core.

"Fany? Fany!" I shook her shoulders gently, but she didn't respond. She laid there in my arms unresponsive I feared the worst.

I laid her back on the floor gently, taking off my dress shirt and ripping its sleeves off.

I tore down the middle of the shirt with my teeth, unraveling it to be a thin but sturdy enough material.

I wrapped the shirt around her torso, making sure it covered her wound tightly before tying it off on the back.

Me just in an athletic shirt didn't matter, I was cold and wet but that didn't matter.

I'd give up anything for her.

I hoisted her up on my back, seeing her pained tired face resting distressed on my shoulder.

Whatever was in me clicked. She drove me, she was my motivation and I ran.

I ran the hardest in my life as fastest as I could with my love on my back.

"Stay with me, Fany. You gotta. Who's going to scold me for running in the rain? If you're not going to do it, who will?"

Her head bobbed as I sprinted. My breath was quick paced, trying to get oxygen into my system to exert myself to my peak physical form.

Adrenaline helped, it pushed me farther that I am capable of.

My mind ran through three words repeatedly. Fany, will, live.

She will be okay, she will be fine.

We will get married, start a family.

That keep me going for awhile. I liked that thought, happy thoughts were always good. I reassured myself with that constantly, I told her aloud took. She needed to hear it as much as I did.

But when running got too hard, I dropped down to my knees. Was it the rain or me? Was I crying? Bad thoughts clouded my mind. It overtook the happy ones because I knew if she wasn't there, I couldn't have any of it.

Honestly thinking, I felt like I was truly losing her. Right there and then perched on my shoulder was her pale face.

She must've known we had stopped moving because despite her slipping in and out her nap she tugged at the collar of my shirt.

I watched as her trembling hand went up to my face, wiping my tears away as best as she could but the rain and my own self kept giving her too much. It was impossible.

I heard her breathing beside my ear and if it was a kiss on it, then I felt it. If it wasn't, then it was her nuzzling close to me.

I was too scared to turn my head to face her, fearing the worst.

"Taeyeon-ah, fighting." She whispered. I glanced at her and with tired eyes she looked back lovingly.

Like a can of red bull, I heaved myself up with my urgent cargo on my back and continued running. My back hurt, it seared with pain from the weight of her and the duffel bag weighing me down. My legs felt like sticks, My arms were aching from being in that position. I couldn't see properly, water kept falling on my face and becoming bothersome.

My own chest felt like it was ripping apart, I had to stop every once in awhile for a minute to regain my breaths, to let my chest pains dissipate and pass before carrying her through. I don't know if I still had meds in my bag, and I sure as hell hope she packed my medication.

Everything was opposing against me but I had to keep going. For Fany, because she had to make it.

I opened my burner phone and checked our location. I had to go a bit more to the east, it wasn't too far but I'm wearing out. Time was a serious competitor.

Still cautious and a bit paranoid I looked behind me, scanning the area once more before I took my much needed steps. The changing scenery, the tiled roof tops and stoned walls started to become clearer in my field of vision.

I carried her on my back through the heavy rain, feet sweeping wind and loud thunder that I almost collapsed on the side.

But I was fighting against time and I couldn't allow myself to do that. She needs help more than I do, she needs me to help her.


	31. Dream Perfect

Kim Taeyeon

I followed the muddy path with streetlights into the small town, going up the trail to the neighbourhood which was littered with scrunched up houses and claustrophobic alleyways.

It was almost a ghost town, abandoned. Everything was closed, signs were hanging off it's hinges and the tarps of the buildings were threatening to fall.

I turned to the right, following the bright neon sign landmark, then pass the barber shop and the construction site that had remained a construction site for years.

I placed Fany against a wall, moving the barrels that blocked the path and carried her in my arms. My legs pushed open a wooden gated door and in the concrete walls I went through, crawling underneath a makeshift tunnel and standing up at the end of it breathless with Fany unscathed from it all.

The little lamp hanging above the door was where my eyes met.

"Taetae. ." Fany slurred out and when I went to reposition my arms around her she whimpered.

I'm losing her.

I pushed the thick doors open and remembered to keep it locked, sliding the wooden board against it to block out intruders.

The sound of a buzz, the low dim lights of shitty LED light strips and the drippings of whatever fluid there was made me breathe out a sigh of relief.

He was here, he had to be here.

My feet shuffled along the dirty tiled floor, my eyes drowsily glanced up the walls that were stained with blood. They called it ghetto, illegal, dirty.

But I called it my saving grace. You got shot? You come here. You got stabbed? You come here. You're running from the police? You come here.

This place was for criminals, a makeshift hospital-clinic type of thing where people can get patched up at without the government and cops trailing on your ass.

Whatever memories I had were gone, my only focus was Fany and I knew this was a safe bet for Fany. It had to be, I couldn't leave her in a hospital out in the open. They'd take her, they'll question her. I'll never see her again, but she's not a criminal. She won't go to jail, she'll be fine. She a normal citizen, a kindergarten teacher at best, a loving sister to two, a daughter to one, and a good friend to all.

The difference between her and me is that I'm a criminal. So, I'm greedy. I want her by my side, and I'll run across the earth to have that happen.

I pushed past a curtain of clear laminate and stood on my spot. There he sat, in between 3 bodies laid out on tables as he had his hands in a persons stomach.

"Doctor."

Dr. Choi turned around in his chair, took a second to realize who I was, pulled off his mask and dropped his instruments into the tray. Immediately he glanced at the girl in my arms and moved everything from a table. He pulled off the plastic cover off and revealed an operating table clean and crisp, seemingly untouched.

I placed Fany gently on the table, making sure her head was on the rest. "P-Please help her."

He took scissors and cut across the length of her shirt, peeling it back and the blood had seeped through.

He untied my shitty makeshift bandage and sighed. He looked up at me and shook his head.

That was a no. Don't give me a no.

The deep sigh sent chills down my spine. That shook of his head got me upset.

"I-I'll pay you! Doctor!"

"She lost too much blood! You see those 3 laying on my benches? It went to them! There's nothing I can do Taeyeon!"

I took off my vest and lifted up my sleeve. "Then take it from me."

I sat on the chair next to Fany, and even though she was in pain and barely opened her eyes she didn't let go of me.

I saw the thin metal being unsheathed and I sighed.

"Fuck I always hated needles."

"I know." Doctor chuckled and set up his tools to draw blood from me.

I looked away the entire time, opting to busy myself with Fany.

"You'll be okay. This doctor? Is a magician. A wizard, he healed even the most nastiest booboo's. I've trusted him with myself for many years, and look! I'm all good."

"Don't speak so highly of me, I wouldn't want Mrs. Kim to think wrongly."

I froze and stayed stiff. Mrs. Kim. He knew, of course people knew. I didn't bring any girl to him. I didn't have just any girl by my side.

Mrs. Kim?

Oh how I wanted that so bad.

I felt my arm being slapped and snapped my head towards it, seeing a bandaid on it the doctor started to walk away and do something.

"Fany? Did you hear that? He called you Mrs. Kim." I chuckled, hoping she would too.

"Let's make it official after you're all better okay? I promise a honeymoon in the Bahamas or wherever you'll like. Disneyland? How about that? Doesn't that sound nice Fany-ah?"

"Taetae. ." Her tug on my shirt started to loosen and I stood up, looking around me.

I was getting desperate but when the doctor came back with a set of tools I stayed quiet in my seat, stroking Fany's head and holding her hand close.

I looked away from her body when he operated on her, she was doing fine for now. The bullet didn't go through and through and I was nervous.

She could lose a lot of blood from this that I couldn't give even if I wanted to.

I heard the clink of a metal and I thought it was the bullet being retrieved. I kissed her hand, feeling pretty relieved.

But when the doctor pulled his mask off and placed his hands on his hips shaking his head I didn't understand.

"What. What's wrong now?!"

"I can't find the bullet. I fear the more I look the more blood she looses. We don't have enough."

"You're a doctor! Make it fucking happen!" I pushed him back and towered above him. He didn't even flinch, probably got used to it by the type of people he worked with.

"I'm sorr-"

"I'll pay you! How much do you need?!" I took out a wad of cash and threw it on the table beside him. He looked at it and looked at me.

I pulled out my wallet and got more money out, throwing it at him but the money just ended up fluttering down in the air.

"Dr. Choi!" I bellowed.

When that didn't seem enough I went into the back room and dragged my duffel bag out, ripping it open. Euro's, a couple gold bars, coins and a whole unit of bank issued notes were in it.

I slammed the bag on the table, the force almost tipping it.

"I'll give all of this you, Doctor please save her. I-I can't lose her." I begged, trampling all over my ego. This wasn't even the time for my dignity to be upfront. I needed her.

When the machine started beeping I panicked even further, whatever was happening wasn't good.

"Doctor Choi!" He didn't even flinch. I clutched my fists, shaking. I was so scared.

I sat beside Fany, taking her hand into mine. I rested my head against it, trembling with fear. "Don't go, please don't go. I love you, you know? I've told you everyday and every night but I feel like you don't know how much I do. We haven't even had our 10 babies yet love? You're still not my Mrs. Kim." I whimpered, tears threatening to fall but I didn't allow it.

Fufill my dream, my life long dream. Something I want so bad that I want you to be apart of. Don't go, stay with me.

I had to be strong, because in this ghetto shitty clinic or whatever you call it was me and my to be wife. She's going to die and I haven't given her my all yet.

My eyes were blurry with tears but I glanced at the doctor pleading to just try. He took one look at me and another at Fany. He tilted his head and put his gloves back on.

"Mr. Kim. When I save her, you promise me to take her somewhere where you both can start a family." I could barely hear the guy through his mask.

I couldn't exactly say anything. I thought he'd ask for more money or something.

"Tell me this will happen after I'm done!" He yelled, chest heaving.

"An innocent person like this doesn't deserve this. It's why I'm operating on her and leaving those 3 other patients on the table. They're all criminals." He murmured stepping closer to us.

I wiped my nose, sitting up but not letting Fany go."Aren't you one too? Healing us and putting us back up on the playing field to break laws?"

"You think I chose to be like this? I have a family to feed! A school to pay for my daughter!"

"Then do you think I chose to be this way too? You know I left. Why I came back I won't tell you, but remember this doctor, I tried. I'm trying to be a normal fucking human being." I matched his tone. I was desperate and my emotions were al lover this place. My heat hurt.

"I have a family to start, her life to protect Doctor. You think I chose to be like this? I'm exactly like you, just for different reasons."

He put up a hand. "You promise me you take Ms. Hwang away and let her live." He pointed at her.

My ears felt like they were shot. The ringing was still there but I could hear the words 'Ms. Hwang' clearly. I gulped, standing up abruptly.

I grabbed his collar and shoved him up against a wall. "Who are you? How do you know her name!"

He gritted his teeth and started to look uncomfortable.

"Tell me!"

"Let me go, I need to save a life."

"Tell me first!"

He didn't say anything. He looked at me with no anger, just worry.

"She's not well, let me help her." He pleaded quietly.

I looked back and saw Fany just laying there. She needed his help, just like she needed my help to get here. I cant be too harsh with everyone and everything.

I let the old man go and he put his mask back on.

I stood at a distance this time, staring at the two. I was reluctant now to have the doctor hold a blade that close to her, I trusted him. But I didn't know how he knew her name.

Please be okay Fany? I'm losing my mind.

"Ms. Hwang, was close to being my daughter in law." He muttered and I came closer to hear while he was working away at her.

The sound of a metal clinked in the metal tray and I glanced over to see the lead bullet in all it's bloody glory.

My heart beat back up, my shoulders were lighter and I was so fucking relieved.

"Daughter in law?" I questioned after wiping the sweat off my head.

"My son. There was no doubt in my mind they would eventually marry. She made the perfect wife, she was kind, incredibly smart, humble and was good with kids."

"But he just had to change majors! He left her for his ambitions, became one of the law. He left her for his 'morals' but came back crawling to her when it didn't work out. Idiot. He had a future in front of him set." So his son worked for the government? What's so wrong with that.

"He became so absorbed in it, started to set his mind to that one thing only. He dedicated every energy to it, it was almost like a religion. He left his old man, ignored his wishes. I wanted him to settle down, start a family. But he didn't. I wished him all the best knowing that I will never call him son again if he continued." He shook his head and I couldn't exactly relate to him. I don't even know where my father is, if only he gave a rats ass about me.

"A cop, my son became a damned cop when he could've been something else!"

"She was understanding like the person she is and let him go as he wished. I wish I got to call her daughter but now I'm operating on her who used to be so close to me, treated me like her own father." He said sadly and I caught that. There was no doubt he will take care of her because judging by the stitches he's doing, they were immaculate.

He nodded, stitching Fany up quickly and cleaning up the spot.

I cleared my throat. not sure of what to say. "Your son, what's his name?" I didn't expect him to answer.

"Siwon. Choi Siwon."

Holy shit. This was too much for me in one day.

I didn't say a word after that. I let him take care of Fany for a few more minutes before he left me alone with her to tend to other patients.

I grabbed her soft hand, holding it gently and kissing it. "All done love."

"There was a moment I thought I'd lose you, but you're a fighter aren't you? And I'm thankful for that."

In her best interests I know it's better for her to stay.

But we can't. We're fighting against time.

When the doctor went into a separate room I I pulled the needle and clips from her. I hauled my duffel bag across my shoulder, carrying her in my arms as I went through the flickering hall and out the back door.

I didn't forget to leave him some money for his troubles.

My own back was searing in pain, it hurt so bad but my eyes were set on the woman in my arms bobbing her head with each step I took.

"We'll be okay Fany, I'm going to find us a place to stay. Food? Heat? We'll be going on a plane soon love. You just wait."

Next up, a place where we can stay.

Fany woke up in my arms midway to the abandoned lodge I spotted in the distance. She insisted she walked on her own two feet but when she tried to get off she yelped in pain. I eyed her and she didn't fight back, letting me carry her safely.

It was lots of work, I wanted to quit honestly. My arms were aching, my legs were really giving away but I can't just stop.

When my foot stepped on the creaky flooring I was so happy. It was like I found money on the floor. I set Fany on the couch and told her to stay, if she moved I'd come back and eat her alive.

"No, not sexually Fany."

"You suck." She pouted.

I snooped around. Abandoned lodge. Wall paper peeling off, paint chipping off, broken windows, missing doors and no sign of electricity or running water. Well shit.

She sat on the dusty poor excuse of a couch while I scrambled around the cabinets for food. I found a couple of towels, candles, a shitty radio and a propane tank.

I walked back to her and placed a rusty old van of beans, an energy bar, crackers and a can of tuna.

"Please eat these, I know it's not much but it's all I can find."

"This is more than enough Taeyeon-ah."

"Hm. Okay. There's some water by the creek I'll boil that for you so just get comfy and scream if you see anything okay and no, bugs don't count."

I went outside, closing the poor excuse of a door and went scavenging. I picked up a couple of rocks, sticks and a broken hatchet. I used the leaking bucket to haul some water out of the short creek and set it near the entrance.

I laid everything I had on the bedroom door and started to chip away the wood flooring, exposing the concrete foundation.

I set rocks around the shitty circle I made and laid some sticks, starting a fire in the middle of the room. I mean, the roof had a hole in it so there was no chance of that catching on fire.

When I glanced up Fany shuffled close to me slowly. Some of the food items I left with her were half eaten, everything was half eaten. Nothing was finished.

I frowned, about to open my mouth and lightly scold her for not eating well but before I did she shoved a cracked in my mouth, along with a spoon of beans and some tuna.

I gulped it all down and opened my mouth again about to speak but here she is, shoving the half bit energy bar into my cavity and making me munch.

"I know you want me to eat, and that means eating literally everything we have of all our food but you've worked hard Taeyeon-ah. The least I can do is share. I want to give it all to you too, but it's going to be a kindness game of back and forth of who's going to eat." She tiredly smiled and wiped the corner of my mouth with her thumb.

I leaned my forehead against hers, dropping everything in my hand to just hold her. She sat in a better position between my legs, her head resting on my heavy shoulders.

"I'm sorry I slept for so long, I can't imagine how you felt."

"You scared me Fany-ah, I really thought you weren't going to make it. The doctor drove me crazy."

"On the way to the doctor, it was battle wasn't it? The rain? The wind? Was the terrain slippery? Did you hurt yourself?" She tugged at my athletic shirt and frowned.

"No, no I'm fine. A few slips here and there but nothing major. I promise you I'd take care of you and protect you right? That means the whole trip along. I wouldn't let anything happen to you."

The fire was burning nicely, giving off that fireplace scene where it released that satisfying crackling. Smelt nicely of pine too.

I was warm. I felt warm physically, but my heart was content right now.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you with the pain, make it hurt less. I'm sorry you got hurt in the first place, my mistake. You know, I'm sorry I even got you into this mess the first place." I said quietly, putting on an extra shirt because she kind of scolded me lightly about being cold and stuff. Heh.

"Don't say that Taeyeon-ah. You've done all this for me, from beginning to end. You've done so much for me, I can't say anything but be grateful." She fixed the collar of my shirt and a couple of buttons before looking up to me.

I gulped and exhaled, poking the fire with a stick while my other arm was wrapped around her waist. I liked having her snuggled closer to me, drowsy and wanting to sleep. It felt normal, and I want to have this for a long time.

"Fany, let's elope." I blurted out. I don't have the ring with me right now, but I do have one. I have for a long time.

"W-What?"

"Run away, get married."

"R-Right now?" She sat up a bit and placed a palm on my shoulder.

"Preferably."

She seemed hesitant.

She grew up loving romance, seeing romance between her parents everything was played out like a fairytale for her, like a Disney movie.

She knows it's not realistic, but she wants to live to that as closely as possible if she can.

I didn't ask her properly, as in an engagement. No going down on one knee or even a ring for that matter. This setting was also not very . . romantic or fairy tale to say the least.

I can give her all that later, but right now I wanted to marry her.

I felt something poke my back and it was her fingers digging into my skin from grabbing onto my shirt. I pulled her hand away and made it rest on my stomach. "Let's say this is our last few days. . . I want to die knowing we were married. That we would be inseparable going down to our graves."

She furrowed her brows. "Does a ring, a certificate and a status mean that much to you still?"

"Yes. I don't want to lose you, not even in my grave." I said firmly.

"I guess we can."

"Really?" I sounded way too excited. This was .. too easy? She just answered just like that, but this doesn't mean it was an easy answer. I understood that.

She shrugged. "It's just the status that will change. I'll still love the same Taetae. Except I get to call you husband."

"Yo, we can start having those married nicknames now you feel? I can call you wifey." She laughed out loud, her habit of covering her mouth when she laughed loudly or too much was something I happened to adore.

"Wait, that is cute. We're cute." She said in between her giggles.

"We are cute." I reminded her. I'm our biggest fan, the biggest shipper out there.

Suddenly she gasped a bit, hand on her lower abdomen. I sat her up quickly and examining it. The bandage was good, I didn't have to change it for another couple of hours but I dug into my bag and pulled out her pain killers I happened to steal from Dr. Choi.

Dr. Choi. His son, Siwon? I needed to ask her if she knew at all, if any of what Dr. Choi said was true because before he pulled that bullet out he made me promise him to take Fany away, to start a family quietly. It was unsettling knowing she could've been with someone else this entire time.

I gave her a pill and a cup of warm water. As always with pills she was hesitant, she couldn't swallow them despite being what, 26? I told her if she ate it I'd give her a back rub that involved me giving her a lap dance and maybe a strip tease. "Speaking of marriage . . can I ask you something?" I asked her once I sat back down. She nodded, accidently setting a stick on fire and blowing it out in panic. I shook my head, smiling as I grabbed the stick and put out the flame before getting her settled back comfortably.

"Do you remember the doctor who helped you with your injury?"

She furrowed her brows, tilting her head back. "Not really."

"His names Doctor Choi. First name Ki-ho. Siwon's dad? Does it ring a bell?" Her eyes widened a bit.

"Siwon's dad? When I was dozing off laying on the table I saw his face but it was covered by a mask."

"Yeah, did Siwon end up changing majors when you and him broke up while in university?"

"Not that I can remember? We didn't really talk after we broke up, why?"

"He became a cop apparently, according to his dad aka Dr. Choi." I clicked my tongue and she frowned, trying to make sense of things.

"No? How does he have time to be a policemen when he's working at the school. . . he's a principal Taetae, he's busy all the time?"

"You can never tell Fany-ah, when you looked at me did you expect me to be a gun wielding killing machine who's boss of a gang?"

She sighed in defeat and shook her head.

"All this time, you believed he was just a colleague who came back? A principal at your school?" I asked again. I had to be sure, I still haven't beat his ass for kissing her anyways.

"I guess. Now that I think of it, the timing is too convenient."

"That's what I'm thinking too." Who the fuck are you Siwon?

"Undercover cop? Posing as a principle. But why would he pose as a principle? If he was undercover, he'd pose as a triad member to expose me." I continued and she sat there frustrated.

"Taetae? Let's say he really is a cop. Do you think . . he's looking for you right now? Do you think he tipped the police off?"

"Maybe. What does he have against me though? Is it because we're together? Is he going that deep to just put me away behind bars so he can have you? I just don't understand why he lied about his job to you, he's working in the same place as you. What did you do? Is there something illegal you did?"

"Are you really going to ask me that when the first weapon I pulled out of your storage is a fucking package of peanuts?" She sounded really offended and I gulped.

"Well, like I've said when you first looked at me did you see-"

She attacked my back and hit it once. Ow. "No, don't give me that speech again. I haven't done anything illegal or whatever to piss of anyone. The worst I have done is stolen a package of crayons from the classroom in grade 2 because I thought the teacher gave them out for free."

"You stole a whole package of crayons?!" I gasped. Holy. Ooo.

"Yes! I still have it because I wanted to return it but they already rebuilt a new school after I graduated university."

"You kept those stolen crayons till university?! Woah, Fany. You're a fucking criminal. Did they at least have the cool sharpener built in on the back of the packaging?" Those were so cool, a portable fucking crayon sharpener in your crayon carrier case.

"No, I wasn't that cool to steal those ones. I didn't steal, I just took because I didn't know better." She hid her face and she's just so pure. Very cute 11/10.

I started laughing really hard. Even when the room got silent I started to burst out laughing for no reason.

When I started to calm down to a few chuckles here and there, she pulled on my ear making me wince in pain and scrunch up my face. She tickled me for the fun of it and I started to tell her made up stories for our own entertainment, silently hoping that I'd get her to fall asleep.

She needed to sleep, and when I kind of succeeded when she closed her eyes she would doze off and hit her head on my shoulder, abruptly waking up and repeating the process all over again.

Like a child who refuses to sleep, who say they'll stay up till midnight.

"Fany? Are you tired do you want to sleep?" I asked with a raised brow, smirking. She knew I won and sighed.

She nodded and didn't put up a fight. Stubborn Fany was no more. At least she listened well to me. "Rest well Fany so your injury can heal better."

I draped a blanket over her and made sure she got covered up well. She rested on me, leg tangled up in mine, hand lost underneath my shirt and small head propped on my chest.

I stroked the length of her arm coaxing her to sleep. Her breathing was steady, but I knew she wasn't sleeping.

"You're tired, why aren't you sleeping."

It took awhile for her to answer, but when I kissed her forehead I heard her take a deep breath. "I'm afraid when I sleep I won't wake up."

"Huh? Don't say that silly stuff."

"When you were carrying me on your back, I was fighting the urge to shut my eyes. When I did I couldn't open them back and I thought that was the last time I saw you."

"Sleep, I promise you that you'll be able to see your handsome bear again."

I felt like I was trying to put a big baby to sleep. Even the strokes on her head didn't work, usually me humming her to sleep does and it almost did, but the time I was caring for her I couldn't stop thinking about being differentiated from her as a criminal.

They're going to take me away.

I placed her beloved stuffed animal in her arms and she looked at me like I saved her entire world. I even got a little kiss on the cheek for that so it was good. Very good.

Just when she was about to doze off, her eyes getting heavier I tilted her chin up to look at me. I had a feeling she wanted to sleep, but I just had to ask her something or I wont be able to sleep myself. Not that I would, but I at l east want to have a peace of mind.

"Fany? do you think, I'm a bad person?" I asked quietly to not scare her.

I didn't expect playful Fany to come back because she literally elbowed my gut. Ow. "We've literally been through this. Plus, I thought you wanted me to sleep." She hissed.

"I just need reassurance." I defended myself, rubbing my probably bruising area.

"No. But I don't like what you do, at night. When you're not the mean CEO, you're the gun wielding killing machine who's boss of a gang. I don't like that part of you."

"You'd rather me be mean and scold everyone in the office?" Well that's nice to know.

"Yes, because you're not illegal when you're mean. Oh my god what am I saying." She covered her face with both her hands.

I pried them off and saw her frustrated face, finding it kind of red and a bit cute.

"I don't think you're a bad person. I don't label you as that, but when you do your job at night with the triad, you are a bad person. When you're in that persona, when you're doing that night job, you are one. When you're not, I know you're funding shelters for the young and occasionally helping out at the pet shelter because you're doing your job in the day as a society contributing CEO. Do you understand?"

I scratched the back of my head and she smiled. "You can think about that for awhile, but this is why I always pushed for you to stop involving yourself with them."

She was always looking out for me and now I feel bad for ignoring her wishes and yelling at her when she told me to stop.

I leaned back and slipped my hands behind my head, creating an arm pillow for Fany to rest on."You know, I was really tempted to just throw you at Sunny's or Sooyoung's house because I know they'd kill anything that'll try to take you away."

She laid her head on my arm turning her head to me, looking up and her eyes looked really big. Like a bug. A fly?

"You didn't though?"

"My own gut and soul is hesitant to let you go." I told her quietly, staring out into the hole in the roof up to the clear sky dotted with stars. I could never see them back in the city, it was always too polluted.

"I have a feeling if we have a daughter you wouldn't let her out of the house." Then I glanced back at my own bright star, talking about a future I wish that would come sooner.

"Probably. I wouldn't even let a guy breathe near her."

"She's going to hate you."

"Just taking precautions for my future daughter. She's going to thank me." I said pretty fucking proudly. Know this future daughter, I'm just saving you from the heartaches.

She hummed and I thought about the idea of her being pregnant. What a new adventure. I'd probably need a manual on how to be a dad.

"Taetae, I need to wash it all away. All te bad things." She whispered.

My heart popped, it brought me all the way back where we had met for the second time behind the building. She almost got raped, but I was there nd I helped her. She needed me and I was there.

I nodded. I carried her outside and sat her on a rock "Sit pretty love, I'm going to test the waters for sharks, the boogieman and a dragon." She scoffed, and kept throwing pebbles into the water to distract me.

I dipped my foot in the water and it was surprisingly really warm. Then again the air is pretty humid and the day was hot despite it raining a couple of hours ago.

I rushed back into the lodge and came out with a bar of soap and a small bottle of shampoo. I only packed those because I knew she'd want to shower sooner or later.

"Can I help you undress?"

"Mmm." She hummed.

I got all nervous and shy and then my hands even got clammy. Man.

I carefully unbuttoned her shirt, undoing them all before helping her take it off. She stood up and balanced herself by leaning on my shoulder and I helped her step out of her jeans. I placed them on the rock beside her, folding them neatly and I saw her blushing. I wondered how I looked, I was probably all red.

I was sweating by then, I gulped when I saw her almost bare body.

She was so pretty, always so pretty.

I was kneeling on the creek's bed or rocks with the water up my mid thigh. I was like a sitting duck, staring at the hottest woman who had ever walked the face on earth. I'm swooned. Kill me.

"Taeyeon-ah." She said in a hushed tone, sitting on the semi high stool in the water I placed for her that just reached below the water line. It was an inch or so, but it was enough for her to sit and get covered mostly by the water. Not submerging, but just enough.

An outdoor bathtub. . with Fany.

She called my name in a way that kind of was borderline purring, but at the same time it was so hoarse and I was gone. "Take it off for me?" She glanced at her body and back up to my eyes and I was a drooling mess.

"O-Okay."

I walked behind her, treading the water carefully. My hands trailed the smooth skin, touching the material of her undergarments. I unhooked it and put it off to the side, her back was so smooth so soft. Her backside was always really pretty, but I never told her.

I kissed her shoulder, hearing her take a breath in. She covered her chest with her arms, peering over her shoulder to give me a shy smile.

"You're lovely. I absolutely adore you, Miyoungie."

I dipped the towel in the creek water, wringing it out and rubbing some soap on it. I started on her back, scrubbing away why I held my breath. The droplets of water trailing own her back somehow glistened in the moonlight and it felt like Christmas to me.

I sat too, right behind her with my own stool. I slotted myself there as she sat in between my legs. When my hand accidently bumped her inner thigh, I concentrated to not make that mistake again, but she pressed her back to my front further when I did that.

"I thought I would never have your touches again when you brought me to Dr. Choi, that I would never feel your love through your fingertips." She murmured into my ear, blowing some air into it teasingly and it made my whole head tingle.

"Never, you can have it all Miyoungie. You'll never forget, you'll always have me." I felt a kiss on my cheek, her lips lingered longer on my skin and it was one of those wet kisses.

My hand went around, washing her in the front. My head rested on her shoulder, peering over so I could see what I was doing. I made sure to avoid the gauze on the side of her abdomen, I had to keep that dry. When I got closer to that area she had a hand stopping mine, wincing at the pain and I heard every shaky breath from her.

I held her closer to my front, not caring that I got wet from her backside. "I'll take care of you? Don't worry. I'm sorry you got hurt in the first place."

"Taeyeon-ah. Don't apologize-"

I held her chin and made her face me. I kissed her, my lips eager to be pressed on another pair of soft ones. I pulled away, seeing her look at me sensually.

I had to stop her from finishing that sentence because I know it was my fault. Without a doubt. I didn't want to hear her say it. Not now, not when we needed each other at this very moment.

I continued to quietly wash her. I never got to face the front because I knew she was already shy. I've already seen her bare in front of me many many times, but this time it felt kind of, innocent. A bit more pure.

I poured water over her head, getting her hair wet. It was all silky, so nice. I ran my hands through it, feeling the soft hairs through it. I massaged her head with the shampoo, taking care to never get it in her eyes.

"All done love." I whispered afraid of startling her.

She stood up and all the water dripped down from her body, I marveled at her backside as she swept her wet hair to one side.

I bit the inside of my cheek when she turned around to face me. I had a towel in hand, opening it waiting for her to run into it so I can dry her. It was getting a bit colder now throughout the night but I was hot.

I checked her out from head to toe, clenching the side of my pants with my free hand. My other hand was struggling to even hold up the blanket.

She came closer and I wrapped it around her, drying her. She had a little giggle and tip toed to give me a kiss on the lips while rubbing my jaw. "Thank you, Taebear."

Wrapped in the towel, I picked her up and carried her back inside. Almost stumbling on the bucket I had left on the side. I didn't even care about the stools, they could be washed away down to the river.

I placed her down gently as I went to grab some more firewood and look for some bed sheets or a blanket. I had to take a break about a minute or so. I leaned against the doorway and tried to calm myself down.

She really tested my self control.

The wood in my hands kept giving me splinters so I turned around but almost choked. I stopped and stood there on the creaky floor for as long as I can remember.

She was wiping dry her hair, but then she kind of finished and dropped the towel on the floor.

She started to get dressed and I think I've fallen in love with her back. I couldn't contain myself anymore. Not like this.

I threw the firewood into the fire and walked behind her, wrapping my arms around her fair skin, kissing up her exposed skin and up to the back of her neck.

She hummed and tilted her head back to lean it on my shoulder, I held her hands and stopped her from dressing.

"I love you. For as long as I can go, I love you."

"Show me." She purred.

I kissed her shoulder once more, reluctant to let her go. I laid a bed sheet on the floor, turning it over the the brighter more cleaner side.

I felt arms loop around my waist and a warm body press against my back.

My lips twitches into a smile and I unhooked her from me, turning around to see her tired face. I brought her around the fire to the bed sheet. When she seemed a bit . . hesitant I pulled on her hand, making her back up to me as I laid her down gently on the floor, my hand under her head protecting her.

I hovered just above her pretty face. She had bright smiles despite this grim day, tickling my chin in amusement when I swatted her hand away like a cat.

"Cute bear." She cooed.

"Wanna see cute bear go into beast mode?"

She shook her head cutely, fingers trailing up the left side of my neck. "Can I have the gentle bear tonight?"

"Would you like that?"

"Mhm, slow and steady. Full of love too."

"One gentle bear full of love, coming right up Ms. Hwang."

Like always she had her creamy skin but as I glanced down some more I saw the white piece of gauze and tape on her lower abdomen.

I sucked in air, closing my eyes with my palm hovering right above it.

"I'm sorry love."

"It's not your fault." She quickly said, grabbing my chin to look at her.

But it is, it is my fault. This was my fault, my miscalculations, my problem I dragged you in.

She crashed her lips onto mine that kept me from worrying, she knew. Fany always knew how I felt and knew what to do about it.

She hummed into the kiss, lips parting to slot me in as I sucked gently on her lower lip before letting it go with a pop.

Her hand massaged the back of my head as my tongue delved in to feel hers battling against mine. I pulled back when she pushed my chest. She was already breathless, fingertips gently on my torso.

I kissed the side of her head lovingly, caressing her cheek.

I glanced down and marveled at her chest, never forgetting to leave kisses and trail downwards, stopping just at the valley of her mounds. Her scent was always there for me, I would never forget it.

"Taeyeon-ah." She held my right hand, guiding it to her breast. She left me there with a gentle squeeze and I complied, kneading her mound firmly to get her to elicit a sound of content for me.

I nibbled on her skin around her peak and when she played with my ear yearning with her eyes i couldn't deny her requests.

My tongue met her peak, licking it gently before taking it into my mouth and sucking gently. My other hand was occupied with her other mound and the whimpers I heard made my ears burn red.

I kissed downward, feeling her toned abdomen under my fingertips as my they dug underneath her waistband. I glanced up to meet her shy eyes and she nodded.

I pulled them down, rubbing her smooth legs by my sides. She nudged me a bit and she was blushing, she looked away and I quickly pulled off my shirt and pulled my pants down.

My hard member was already straining against my boxer briefs she tugged at it with her fingers and I pulled them off along too, my buddy standing tall twitching against my stomach.

My breath hitched when I got the full view of her bareness. I feared she was too cold but when she pulled me down by my neck to lay o top of her, I nuzzled my face to hers, sweeping her hair to the side and getting lost into them with my fingers.

"Keep me warm, Taeyeon." She murmured in my ear and I pressed my body against hers feeling her smooth skin against mine. Something about it was so calming, it was inviting and it felt like home to me.

To be held by her was a blessing. Her goodness, her innocence.

She kissed my jaw, always nibbling there. I sighed and felt her caress the shell of my ear.

"Make love to me Taeyeon-ah."

I felt like I've heard that so many times, but it felt different this time. I felt like I needed to bury that in my heart because it sounded sentimental.

My heart was a bit weary, I wasn't sure.

I propped myself up with my hands placed on either side of her head. She covered my eyes with her hand and I tried to pull them off but she wouldn't let me.

"Whaaaat." I whined. She moved her fingers apart and let me see through the slit she made.

"This feels like the first time. . ."

I laughed in her hand and she pushed me further away, but I was stronger and I came back pressing my forehead against hers. So close, so lovely.

I moved my hips up bumping into her entrance and I heard her small gasp, she had a hand on my arm and I looked up.

She nodded, caressing my arm and I knew it was okay.

I slid in carefully and slowly, not wanting to hurt the most precious person to me at a tome like this. I'd always be careful when it came to her, no matter how lustful I was.

She pressed her body against mine and I leaned down without a question, letting myself hold her as she grasped on my shoulders, her mouth nibbling on my shoulder.

"Taetae." I heard her voice dripping with want as I was inside her.

I continued to fill her slowly till I couldn't go further in, the hotness and tightness wrapping around me made me close my eyes.

Of course she felt good, it felt good to know she was mine.

But today I didn't want to take her now I usually did.

My hand crept along her arching back, caressing the soft skin to relax. She loosened up her hold on me and furrowed her brows, questioning what I was doing.

I rolled over, taking her with me and flipped our positions along with the blanket underneath her. She helped and held onto my shoulders, but she should know I would never let her fall.

She sat on top, like a queen should be with the sheets around her.

I rubbed her thighs that trapped my body between, hand behind my head admiring her simple beauty.

"You're beautiful, Fany." I tucked the loose strands behind her ear and the heat between my hips grew more, but the growing heat inside my heart started to erupt.

"Taetae. ." The way she called my name so softly, I only liked hearing it from her and only her.

She moved her hips up and down and I had a hand on her hips guiding her. Her hair started to cascade down, the movements grew quicker and faster.

Our paced breaths were no longer in sync, we had sharp breaths, panting. She leaned down and caressed my cheek, knitting her brows and I got close enough to kiss her. Pulling at her lower lip and taking it into mine, whatever it was between us it was eager.

She whimpered between the kisses, and when the pleasure got too much she pressed her forehead against mine breathing heavily.

I kissed the side of her head, trailing down to her small round ears I've always found fucking adorable to the point where I licked the spot behind it, hearing her muffled moan on my shoulder.

I took her earlobe in my lips and sucked, and that seemed to get the best of her because her nails dig into my shoulder, warm pussy clenching me hard, releasing and then clenching.

"Shh, shh." I whispered in her ear after I let go of her earlobe, she breathed heavily and when she got tired she gently moved her hips slowly, laying her head on the side of my shoulder.

I gripped at her soft curves, taking control to take her over the moon. When she opened my hand and slid her small one in and held it I stared at our clasped hands.

She held it so tight, she squeezed it everytime I drove my erection deeper inside her. It broke me, I went faster.

"F-Fany, look at me." I called softly.

She turned her head, her face was flushed, eyes periodically closing to the pleasure I kept giving her more and more.

I held my breath. My vision was blurry from the tears but I managed to say it. "If I don't make it, or we never get to see each other again. Know that you are the best thing that has ever happened to me."

She whimpered, squeezing my hand and pushing on my chest with her palm. "Don't say that. . Taeyeon-ah, you'll make it. We'll make it."

"I-I love you, do you know that? You're beautiful Fany. I've fallen in love with the goodness inside of you, I'm lucky to have you, yes? But I don't want to have just that. I want to deserve you."

"You do, Taeyeon. You do, don't ever doubt that please." She said tenderly, it made me tremble more. I don't deserve her.

I shook my head. "There's still more I need to prove, and I want more time with you, I want to show you it all. I need to earn you."

She was going to say something but I stared at her pleading with her eyes. I almost lost her. I want more time with her. "I almost lost you. I was so close, Fany." I shut my eyes at the fear and how close it became a reality. I had a taste of it, and I could barely hold on.

Time is precious, and I need to prove to myself ultimately that I do indeed deserve something so good.

She looked the same, sad and full of tears too. She shook her head, looking away but I kept her eyes on me.

"I love you, and I want you to be the mother of my children. I want you by my side best friend, wife and mother of my baby. I love you, Fany." My voice shakingly tried to choke out the words as my tears started to fall. My dream, a future dream.

She held my hand tighter and it broke me further.

Hold onto me Fany, because I'll never let you go.

"Your love is pure Taeyeon. It's safe to me." She said through her stream of tears.

I smiled through mine, bringing my hands up to wipe hers away. My thumbs caressing her cheeks.

"You tell me every night that you love me, that you think I'm the prettiest woman you've ever laid eyes on. But do you know that you make me feel safe, the one I can go home to and know that no one will take me away and hurt me? Do you know? Because I don't tell you this everyday." Her eyes were gentle when she said those heart pumping words.

I bit my lip, silently sobbing.

Don't go, Fany. Please don't go?

"I want that forever with you Taeyeon, I made up my mind. Show me, because I'm ready for you."

"You're my love." She said with quivering lips. Her chest heaved a bit and I brought her down from her high position, comforting and cradling my beloved.

"You're my happiness." I whisper back, my own voice so small unable to say more.

"I love you, Taeyeon." I squeezed her hand back and gently flipped our position once more at the sound of that.

I wiped my own tears and our glazy eyes met. We didn't say one more word but let our eyes talk.

With her laid down underneath me I loved her tonight.

She showered with me kisses when I had a hard time continuing, but her eyes whispered to me that 'it's okay.' With my scattered heart being picked up piece by piece by her, I made love to her.

Giving her my all, I was firm, yet careful. Faster, harder, I went deeper inside her making her feel me and what I was worth.

I rushed the fear out of my head, the doubts and whatever was trying to make me insecure I took a look at the girl underneath me and it was washed away, like a nature grown tsunami, it wiped those thoughts away. Except, this she wasn't a natural diaster. She was more of a miracle, a blessing.

Her nails dug my back, back arched, her moans got more frequent and with a whimper I shoved in, stopping when I heard her gasp. Her warmth wet tightness clenched me the hardest as she shuddered against my body, my name periodically left her lips in short breaths. The pleasure passing through her like waves, her hips lowered and her eyes fluttered open.

I couldn't hold it anymore, seeing her in complete bliss made me grunt and tense, froze in that convulsing warmth I felt my member twitched inside of her. Shot after shot I released that warmth inside of her, coating her slick walls. All the while her hand rubbed my tummy to coax me after my own high, and I slumped over her body.

She ran her hand through my sweaty hair, smiling tiredly at my exhausted one.

I pressed a gentle kiss in the middle of her chest, laying my head there as I wrapped my arms around her.

"Gentle bear. ." She murmured, hand lingering on my head, stroking occasionally and I shut my eyes to the sound of her breathing.

Home.

We were tangled together, the sheets tangling with us too. We were a mess, a happy satisfied mess. The lazy kisses we gave each other, the caresses and the sleepiness came and went.

But I stayed up mostly, a bit of my fear came back as if the waves were drawing back, leaving some remnants of the ocean.

I needed to protect her, and the only way I knew was if I kept an eye out for us. All night.

She drifted in and out of sleep as I caressed her bare shoulder. When she wasn't asleep she'd ask me to hum her to sleep, stroke her head or make me tell her a funny story.

The third time she woke up from the uncomfortableness of her injury she knitted her brows and caressed my jaw.

"Are you sleeping?" She asked quietly, voice a little hoarse.

"No, I'm on watch duty. Keeping an eye out for bad shit."

"Have you slept? At all?" Manager Hwang is coming,

"This week? Not really. A nap here and there but I've never gotten more than 3 hours."

"Taeyeon-ah."

"It can't be helped, and you know it." I said, hoping she'd understand.

"Then I won't sleep." She said firmly in that tone that I knew I couldn't argue with.

Her scowl and her determined little attitude was always so cute to me. It's something I admire. I patted her head and pulled her cheek. "We have to live now like it'll be the last time we'll see each other. The kisses I give you, my strokes on your head, they could be the last."

There was a brief pause. I paused too, I had no idea what I just said because it sounded like a goodbye.

Fany's distressed face I found cute as well started to become more prominent. She sat up, touching my fingers. "I want to see you and touch you, I don't want the day to end because I don't want us to end. I don't want there to be a last." She said in a hushed tone, her voice cracking just a little and that was enough to alert me to stop.

She was going to cry, and I could even see the quiver in her lips, the glistening eyes.

"No last time, no last day?" I asked with a smile.

She shook her head, wiping the little tears that happened to come out of her pretty eyes. "None, I want forever." She said, taking a deep breath in to calm herself down.

I nodded, subconsciously rubbing her back to comfort her.

"Sleep, I'll be your watch guard tonight." She said now with a smile, a smile I knew well that she had on to hide her sadness.

I was sad too, not knowing what'll happen the days coming.

"No, that's out of the question you need rest."

"You've watched over me and let me sleep every night. You haven't gotten more than two hours, it's bad on your body. You need to recharge to defend us from bad guys." She pushed my shoulder a bit but I didn't budge.

"I can't take the chance."

"Do you trust me?"

"Of course Fany-ah, it's not that I don't trust you-"

"I know I'm not capable of handling a gun or whatever, but I'll wake you up at least if I see something."

"Fany. ."

"Taeyeon, please rest? I promise when you wake up I'll be here."

"I don't know . .

"Taetae." She rubbed my ear and when I tried to pull her soft hands away she shot my a glare and I nervously chuckled. I guess I can't disobey, plus I'm all soft for her right now.

I groaned, covering my eyes with my hands. "I surrender."

"I'll take care of you Taetae, don't worry."

"I worry a lot."

"I know! I know, but worry a bit less. I won't move from my seat." She patted my stomach and smiled, eyes disappearing in an instant.

"And by seat you mean my legs. I swear my legs are going to become numb and fall off from all the weight-"

Smack.

She hit the side of my head and I whined, laying my head on her chest, wrapping my arms around her waist. "You're so fucking violent." I hissed.

She giggled and rubbed my smacked part, alternating by pressing my soft spot.

I felt a bit drowsy but I was determined to stay awake.

But who the fuck am I kidding whatever the fuck this woman possesses is evil and at the same time works wonders because I was out cold like a baby thinking about her.

My literal kryptonite, I guess you can say I was tamed.

"Wifey, can I hold your hand?"

"Taeyeon we've been married for years now."

"So, can I hold your hand?"

She slapped my arm and then took my hand and held it. I had the cheekiest smile, almost like a monkey.

"Why are you smiling like that."

"You held my hand." I said proudly. I even swung out joined limbs together to prove a point.

"Taeyeon-ah!"

"Whaat? I thought you liked me."

"Taeyeon! Of course I like you, we're married! That meant before I dated you I had a crush on you which meant I liked you."

"Awh, you had a crush on me."

"Oh my god I hope you trip and fall because I'm not going to pick you up or bandage you!"

She jinxed it because I literally fell 3 seconds after she said that, scraping my knee along a log.

"Fany-ah!" I wailed, catching the attention from other parents with their kids on the beach.

She rolled her eyes and started to walk away. I had to crawl my way back to her, ignoring all the stares I got.

"Fany you wished me to trip and look what happened! Look, it's actually bleeding dude my leg is crying."

"I'm not looking." She declared. I stood in front of her and waited.

She gave in, pulling a bandaid out of her purse and putting it on my knee.

"You're old! You can do this yourself!"

"But it heals faster when the wife does it, trust me."

"Daddy!" Tiny baby waddles over to me, patting my leg for a ride.

"Hi baby!" I hauled my baby up on my shoulders, giving him the view and ride of a lifetime.

"Drop our baby and you can find yourself asleep on the floor tonight." Fany warned, reaching up to adjust my cap so I could see better.

"Oh come on, I'm a good dad. I don't go around dropping my babies left and right."

"You almost did."

"That was one time Fany! One!"

"Pfft."

"Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Give me a hug." I demanded nicely.

"No."

"You need one."

She narrowed her eyes at me and I gestured her to come for a hug. "Come on, big bear is cuddly, no?"

"Mama bear!" My baby babbled on my shoulder, jumping excitedly which kind of hurt.

She stepped forward and gave me a hug, I chuckled and can't believe she fell for my trap. I took my shirt and pulled it up and over her, trapping her between my sweaty chest and shirt.

"Yah!"

"We're like a walking mutant. A science experiment gone bad! Human centipede? Yes? A cute human centipede? Yes?"

She struggled out of my little trap and before she could yell at me and slap me sideways I hugged her close, stroking her hair.

"Thank you, Fany-ah."

"Whats with the sudden cheese?" She mumbled. I felt her own hand stroking my back.

"For giving me our baby, a family. I can love both of you now, and I'm happy." I glanced up smiling to see baby patting my head, holding onto my face with their puny hands.

She hummed, pressing her cheek against my body and I kept stroking her head gently, hearing the gentle waves wash back and forth.

A final boat horn signaled the end of the day, blowing the tune I've grown ears for.

My eyes opened slowly, squinting at the bright moon. Time went by fast, not that it mattered. I stretched my arms, blinking a couple of times to let my eyes adjust.

I took a deep breath. I smiled so stupidly to myself, I guess I want it so bad that I dreamt of it. Not that I'm complaining.

I patted my stomach, expecting my hand to be entangled in silky smooth hair.

I patted my chest, expecting to feel a precious head listening to my regular heartbeats that soothed her to sleep every night.

But there wasn't.

My eyes shot open fully and I stood up, head turning every corner of the small room.

The sheets that were wrapped around my love were pooling at my feet.

My mind and my soul dipped, it felt like it had just been dropped.

She was gone.

My worst fear has never been so real.

There was the fear of her dying, then there was a fear of her being missing and dying and I wouldn't get to see her.

The open door only heightened my senses and made me frustrated than ever.

Hanging on the door knob, was a golden chain which at the end of it was a perfect bronze semi sphere. In the glimmering light that made me despise it was the words Amore engraved.


	32. Hyung

Stephanie Hwang

I traced the fading scar on his pec, tracing a lone finger along the curve of the stitches. I glanced up to see that deep frown on his face, dark circles and eyebags so dark that he looked like a panda bear.

I felt my lips tug up, my tired eyes scanning over him. I moved up to kiss his chin lazily, caressing that spot with a gentle touch. "Handsome . ."

I pressed my cheek on his warm chest, feeling the cold breeze from the hole in the roof and shattered windows blow by the two of us.

This place was quiet, calm and so far from civilization I thought it was almost a good thing. It was like I've escaped all the bad, but I know the bad is coming for me. We're not safe here, we're merely running away from the problem. Yet, I yearn for this quietness and moment of peace with just us two.

The two of us, just us. I rolled onto his chest and stared at him. He looked so tired, and his battered face didn't help the look either.

I was so sure I was going to die and bleed out. I wanted to tell him but he sounded so happy telling me about the things we would do when we left the country.

I tried so hard to stay awake, I didn't want to scare him. He worked hard, carrying me on my back for miles just running to a town to get me a doctor.

But here we are now, seemingly okay.

The pain on my lower abdomen started to hurt and I got up from the sticky chest underneath me and pulled the sheets back, getting up slowly while draping the thin sheet back over Tae.

I did a small stretch but was reminded of the stupid same pain that pinched at my lower abdomen. I tied my hair in a loose bun and grabbed the last set of clean clothes, which happened to only be a simple pink dress.

Of all the things Taeyeon could've packed, he just had to pick at least one dress.

I crept around sleeping bear quietly and poked a few times at the dimming fire, setting some sticks in it to keep it going.

I opened the front door and before I shut it I looked in between the crack to see if he was okay and still sleeping.

A big snort coming from him and some mumbling math equations in his sleep was an 'okay' to me.

I walked down the slight hill and looked at the flowing creek, inching forward till my feet met the shallow water.

I was hesitant to go further but there was nothing stopping me from doing so, I crept quietly into the water stream, feeling the cool liquid around me. Messily laid out on the rock were our clothes that were dry by now. I smiled, remembering how shy he was just a couple of hours ago.

The reflection of the moon was clear in the distorted image of the water but in the corner a sharp blue colour caught my eye.

I stepped closer, squinting at it till the colours shifted and all I saw was a cream like skin colour.

I touched it, but my hand just went through it and grabbed nothing but pebbles.

I turned my body around and felt the barrel of a gun pressed in between my eyes.

My body tensed and I held my breath, I moved my head sideways just a bit to see who it was but the sight of them felt too fake.

That look, I knew he wasn't here to save us.

"Don't scream." He growled, gone that peppy voice I was so used to hearing him say. I glanced over to the other guy who merely looked away, looking uncomfortable.

Who would've known. If Taeyeon was in my position right now, I couldn't imagine what he would be feeling. I don't think he'd even be able to fight back or even say anything. Just utter shock.

"I'm only doing this for my best friends, and nothing more. It's not personal Tiffany, you weren't on my hit list." He continued.

"Why. . What are you doing?" I kept staring at the jet black metal being pressed up at me and I swallow the forming lump in my throat, stepping back but he kept coming forward.

"I'll tell you, everything. Don't run away from me." He voiced out and I saw his face tilted from the gun.

"The San Francisco Golden Koi shooting, that was our triad versus the 18K. Taeyeon asked us to follow him when eh went up an unfinished skyscraper, and I was downstairs, wondering what the fuck went wrong and when it got too quiet, our crew went upstairs. In his arms was Jonghyun, lifelessly laying there like a fucking rock while Eunhyuk was on the other side rolled over drooling out blood."

"My three best friends, all fucked up and holed up in one room and two of them died but one lived. I asked what happened and you know what Taeyeon said?" He looked at me directly and sat down, gun still pointing at me. "He said 'I don't know.' He fucking said that!"

"The one that lived didn't even know what fucking happened. He killed Eunhyuk." Then Heechul started to smile with a teary eye. "He killed Jonghyun. He didn't even know how."

I shook my head. No one gets it, Taeyeon didn't kill him. "He didn't kill Jonghyun, Eunhyuk killed him." I muttered, eyes still on his gun.

"Don't. Don't lie to me. Everyone wants to know what happened, all of us do. You think years of close friendship would result in this? No, no. It's tearing us apart. Answers give people closures Tiffany."

"Jonghyun was already dying, he was bleeding. It was inevitable. That's your answer, there's nothing more to that."

He shuffled closer to me but dropped the gun. I exhaled the held breath I had in me but palmed a rock in my hand. "I really tried to believe that. Jonghyun got caught in the crossfire and died waiting on the side. I want to accept that but no. There were just so many factors that could've stopped that." He mumbled sadly.

I wanted to say something more but he shook his head, cocking a brow.

"The worst part out of all of this, was not that my best friends are suddenly gone. My own mother, who loved preparing kimchi on a winter day died for simply being the mother of a son who was helping out his stupid best friend."

"She did nothing wrong, she was innocent Tiffany. Just because Taeyeon dragged me into this, because my own name is affiliated with his my own mother died. Do you understand that I can never get any of those important people back now?"

"I want to accept that maybe it was inevitable. Just like Jonghyun case but the more I think about it, all of it gets traced back to Taeyeon. . . I cant accept it. There are so many outcomes that could've happened if he had just done differently . . If he could've just walked away from Eunhyuk that day none of this shit would've been like this. I want to kill him, 1 for 1. 3 for 1."

He sighed after speaking a god damn essay.

I sat up and scooted further away from him, still looking at him. "You just want to hear Taeyeon say he killed your best friends so you have a reason to kill him. You know he killed Eunhyuk out of self defense, and that he didn't kill Jonghyun. You've grown up with him and you know he wouldn't do it intentionally. They're gone now, is vengeance still on your bucket list?"

He eyes went darker and he stared at me longer.He had those crazy eyes in him and gone was that Hyung Taeyeon talked so highly of.

"You may hate him and you'll think about many different ways of killing him but don't you get it? That's another human life you're gambling with. He's my best friend, he's my lover. I'm going to marry him Heechul, he's your dongsaeng. He's a living person." I said softly, being a bit cautious.

He slapped me across the face and paced around in circles, tugging his hair. I was more scared about him acting like this, the slap didn't even make me flinch. "Shut up! Don't pull that sentimental crap on me!"

"Taeyeon almost killed himself over Jonghyun . . that's enough Heechul . ." I whispered, clutching the hem of my dress pulling it down. I shook those bad memories out of my head. I refuse to relive those again.

"It's not enough, he should've went through with it and died. He should've just cut himself deeper. I should've ended him right there in the ambulance when I could've." He spat before cursing loudly.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, remembering that night where Taeyeon was so vulnerable. Heechul had the power to end Taeyeon's life and I wouldn't have been able to see him.

"There's a GPS plate in his arm, that's how I found you guys in the middle of nowhere." He then snapped his head to me. "Do you know, who I am?" He asked all of a sudden, breaking away from his story.

I shook my head. It was the truth, I only know his name and that he was supposedly Taeyeon's best friend. They all grew up the same right?

"4 letters." He said.

"Twat." I spat out.

"Tiffany . . I was nice to you, come on."

"You have a gun to my head what the fuck am I supposed to say?" I hissed.

"I'll give you a hint pretty lady, it's french."

"Okay. Pardon my french then. Are you a dick?

"You really don't know?"

I shrugged. "I don't know, and it's not like I want to know."

"He came to my house and started going nuts about Noir, almost driving himself crazy to find out who he was. Little did he know, it was me."

I froze for a second, flipping my mind through a list of names. It was him he was that piece of shit. "You. . "

"Me." He pointed to himself, grinning.

I don't know what happened to me but I ended up shoving him, absolutely pissed off. "You drove him mad Heechul! He couldn't sleep, he had no money he was stressed every single day, he didn't want to kill anyone or hurt anyone!"

"The name rings a bell right, because that's all he talked about for the last couple of months."

"You were behind so many stupid fight of ours, you caused him so much grief. You did everything to make him run around town crazy, he couldn't sleep at night did you know that? He knows he's not supposed to be doing this, he can't kill people because it's wrong, he knows it's wrong. Heechul!"

He shrugged. "That was the plan Tiffany . . look at him. He's an internal mess."

"No, no he's not. You caused that. Are you crazy? What is wrong with you! He's practically your family-" He waved me off and nestled himself on the dirt, our knees touching like we were best friends having a sleep over telling each other the latest celebrity gossip.

"I followed you two for months, everything that happened to him ever since Jonghyun passed. Anything that seemed to be sabotaged was probably set up by me. If there was anything that I could alter and tip the scale, I did it."

"I was hoping that with all this shit happening to you guys one moment it'll just snap and you two would be broken apart. And it did work, to a certain extent." He sighed and pulled out lumps of grass from the ground. How can he do that, acting seemingly normal but in a split second hold a gun towards my head and threaten me.

"So you enjoy straining our relationship?" I questioned, eyeing that stupid gun because he looks like he hasn't taken his meds or something. I could say something wrong and I'd die. But I wasn't scared, strangely.

"I just wondered how he'd act if he lost you. I wanted him to feel him slowly losing someone so dear to him. I wanted him to feel how I felt towards my mother, watching her peel fruits in the living room watching her favourite k-drama but knowing her health was slowly deteriorating."

"Every time Mom had a little hiccup in her health the more punishments I made Taeyeon go through. It got harsher and harsher each time."

Everything that has happened leading up to when me and Taeyeon had gotten back together, it was him. The more I think back the more I hated every fiber of him. It was such a mess, everything was a mess and it all boiled down to Heechul being petty psychotic, and clouded with hate and revenge.

He clicked his tongue and snapped his fingers in front of me, wanting me to pay attention to his dumb story. "I brought in Seolhyun, finding her through Facebook. At the mention of his name she came asap. But I just used her, made her throw herself on Taeyeon and it was easy because she was still in fucking love with him. It was perfect timing too, you guys fought a lot and he was frustrated. I knew he thought about other options . ."

I clenched my fists, I knew she had other intentions. But Taeyeon hadn't done anything with her . . right?

"I thought maybe I could pry Taeyeon off you. Or maybe, you'd think about someone else to love. But you're loyal, and god that trait made you so fucking attractive." I winced at him complimenting me. It sounded so wrong, I couldn't tell if he was serious or not.

"Seolhyun would've done anything for Taeyeon. Even if it meant luring him into my trap if it meant she could spend a couple of minutes with him, like showing up at the club he was stationed at. They talked for some time while you were asleep Tiffany, and on a special night they played their cute game. That cat and mouse game. Just when it was about to end he turned that corner, I knocked him out chipped the guy and left him on the beach with some stupid note. He came to me crying about it, scared shitless."

"The night Key came home carrying him on his shoulder because he was drunk? Remember how Key told you he got jumped? He didn't. I just beat the crap out of him because I felt like it. Key doesn't know when he got there, he just saw Taeyeon laying there and went home with him."

"No one knew about who I was, not even the slightest clue."

I scoffed. "I can't believe he looks up to you and still calls you his Hyung."

He shrugged and scratched the back of his head, his eyes looking more sharper. "I had to come all the way out here just to tell you this Tiffany appreciate this."

"I never asked for you to come all the way out here. I didn't even want to come out here in the first place."

He furrowed his brows before laughing. I didn't know why he was laughing but I figured he was just . . crazy.

"You guys weren't supposed to leave the city, like at all. I wanted to torture Taeyeon a couple months more. And by torture, I meant that we play with the only thing that matters to him."

"That change of plans fucked it over and here we are now. That fucking Siwon kids a damn cop. That guy just had to chose the same day to unleash a manhunt on Taeyeon the time we were supposed to take you and him away. It was more of a fucking nuisance."

"Your father asked Siwon to watch over you. He didn't trust Taeyeon's ass, he's sending undercover cops to look after you. This is the same guy you're marrying, do you really want to marry Taeyeon?"

So Siwon was a cop. He was protecting me all along. . my dad sent him. How bad is Taeyeon if my dad could notice that about him?

"I guess there are good guys left in the world, and it's not Taeyeon. He's the real Prince Charming to a damsel in distress."

I was so quick to defend Taeyeon, to clear his name and preserve some dignity for him. I couldn't let anyone just beat down his image like that, but I questioned the authenticity of his 'goodness' though. "Taeyeon is good, he's a good guy." I mumbled, eyeing him slightly while remembering what Taeyeon said only a couple of hours ago. Asking me if he was a bad person, if he was really good. I said yes, he is good. Taeyeon is good. I believed he was.

"You seem unsure. Do you remember what the police are coming after him for?"

I don't even know what the police are after him for. . The more I think about it the more I realize we're running away because he did something illegal.

I didn't end up saying anything but he did. "He murdered 78 innocent people. Trafficking illegal cars, firearms, drugs, prostitutes. Money laundering of millions of dollars, 3 counts of tax evasion. Those are only someone of the main ones, I don't think you ant to hear about the other serious ones."

"You did that . . you caused him to do things like that. If he didn't . . you'd kill us. He didn't have a choice, he's doing it for me . . don't try to change what I think about him." My voice was so shaky, and for what?

It's because of me, Taeyeon you're doing this for me . . right?

"He had choices. He had other options. He just didn't think of them, now who's fault is that? You think he had a choice when he cheated on you? Of course. He just didn't think about it. You can't expect to change someone whose affiliated with gangs all his life, you can't change someone who all his life had hooked up with girls and then left. He was born into it, he's a criminal."

"Why are you still defending someone who's murdered innocent people, funded illegal criminal activities in a society where you live in. You're a teacher, how innocent is that? You teach little kids, but as soon as they grow up they'll face the reality of how harsh the world is. Their young minds tainted by murder, drugs, sex. Your 'husband' is funding that to keep the image alive."

What he said, rang in my head. I felt like it was seared into my mind, like an indestructible block being placed inside and no matter what I'd be forced to see it every single day.

"Don't say that about Taeyeon. There's goodness in him, don't try to downplay him. You're his Hyung. . why are you making this so hard for me? For us?" I say my voice cracking. There's a certain truth to his words and I hated ever word he said. It changed so much of what I thought about Taeyeon.

It gave me another perspective, but it wasn't something I was sure on taking up upon, because that's not how I view my Taeyeon.

I looked at Heechul who's always defended me, told Taeyeon that I was the best thing that has ever happened to him.

He keeps looking away from me and I'm begging him to defend me one last time, but I know he's holding a grudge against Tae.

"Before you met him, how easy was your life?"

"Life is not easy." I said sternly. He should know, we both should know.

He shook his head. "Not worry about your significant other coming home each day? Wondering if he'll be shot or pummeled to death. No worry about police, no worry about criminalizing ways. Don't you ever wonder if one day you woke up to find him locked behind bars far away in a prison cell you'll never be able to visit?"

"How does it feel to be around the words murder cash knowing that they have other meanings that what was intended constantly?"

I wanted him to stop. I didn't say a peep, but I wanted it to stop. The more he talked the more the reality set in for me, the more I wanted all of the normal things.

"How about a 'honey, what do you want for dinner tonight?' or 'When is our wedding?' have you guys talked about kids yet? Have you ever talked about 'how many kids do you want sweetheart?' I bet you haven't. I bet you've heard gunshots more than you guys have ever talked about living like a normal couple-"

He stopped when I broke our staring competition. I had tears in my eyes, but I forced them to stay, none of them fell.

"Don't you want that Tiffany? Don't you wish for that every single day?"

I couldn't deny it, I want that so bad. I realized I couldn't when I came back to Taeyeon, but I didn't accept it fully.

"How is any of that normal for a kindergarten teacher like you."

He's so good at this. He's so good at making me second guess everything.

"Why are you here then? If you're not here to save us . . what are you doing?" I spoke up, wanting to move on. I didn't want to hear the things that I could've had.

"I need to hear what I want from him, but it's not truly what I came for."

"What did you come for then? Revenge? There's nothing from us to take, you took everything. The cops are on our trail-"

"You're secretly the one I want." I stopped speaking and frowned.

His eyes lit up and he touched my hand gently, I pulled away but he just smiled. "When Taeyeon stupidly threw you in that secret dark room, it was so easy to make you distrust him. Then, all of a sudden your friendly neighbourhood oppa, me showed up and saved you."

"Didn't you think I was a total charmer? I was everything Taeyeon wasn't and you loved it didn't you? How I cared for you, stood up for you, unlocked that scary dark room for you, took you home, and most importantly listened to you?"

Heechul smirked. "As days went by I noticed how he doesn't deserve you one bit. You gave him so many chances yet he mistreated you like you were a thrift store doll. I admire how long you stayed with him cared for him. showed him unconditional love when he shouldn't have gotten any part of you. I thought you were so wonderful, such a beautiful young woman. I like you, Tiffany. I can love you the same, maybe even more." He said in a lover's voice, that coaxing warm voice but it was so deceptive.

No. No. No, he can't say that to me. That's so uncalled for, that's not . . fair.

Taeyeon deserves me, we talked about it a couple of hours ago. He was so scared, he thought he didn't, but he did. Didn't he?

"Heechul. . you know you can't . ."

"I can give you normal Tiffany. He doesn't have to know, we can go right now." He whispered in my ear, kissing me there. That was so wrong.

I felt chills up my spine and tried to move my head away, closing my eyes. "No-No, I promised I wouldn't leave Taeyeon and y-you're. ."

He started to breathe erratically. A rejection seemed to tip him off because he held me by my neck against the boulder, my arms immediately went up to try and pry him off but what use are my arm against a gangster.

"My best friends are both gone, my mother is up in heaven and it was because he just had to be your hero. I just want you, shouldn't you be my prize? My compensation?"

"He-Heech-" I choked, I was gasping for air, his grip got tighter and tighter.

"I don't want him dead. I want him alive, because I want answers. I want all that he is worth, then I'd kill him slowly. . ." He started smiling and he came closer to me, grabbing my chin to make me look at him. "And it all starts with you."

I winced when he shoved me back. I looked down at my arms and found them tainted with bloody hand prints that were dried. I trailed my eyes up his hands, finding them too crusty with blood.

"W-Who did you kill . ."

He smirked and glanced back at the lodge, wiping his hands on his pants before putting away his gun.

I scooted all the ay back, thumping against a hard rock. "Did you kill him?! Did you!" I started breathing heavily because that look on his crazy face just got more dirty. "That gun shot, that random gun shot . . . Did you kill him? He's your dongsaeng!"

He didn't say anything else but grabbed me firmly and ushered me to the house. I struggled in his hold, thrashing around and holding everything within my reach to leverage myself. I whimpered when his fist clasped too hard around my arm.

No, no. I don't want to see Tae on the floor bloodied.

If he was bringing me to see my killed bear . .

When he opened the door of the lodge he cupped my mouth, bringing me up the stairs of the cabin and I turned my head desperate to catch a glimpse of him, all I saw were the white sheets covering half of Taeyeon's leg.

"T-Taeyeon!" I tried to yell through Heechul's hand. I kicked over a stool and it made a loud ruckus, but it wasn't enough to make him at least move his leg or sit up. "T-Taeyeo-"

I couldn't see anything else before being thrown on the bed. The dust that started to float in the air made it hard to see, and so hard to breathe. "Killing, huh? Being tortured is much more worse. But the number one worst way to kill someone, is through psychological, emotional pain." He whispered, putting his gun on the broken stand beside us.

I sat up and tried to lunge for it, but he knew. I felt myself being thrown back against the rickety bed post, my head flung back to hit the wall. He grabbed me by my throat and frowned. "Don't try anything stupid."

I spat on his face, kneeing him in the groin and got off the bed running through the door and down the stairs as fast as I could. I was going to turn the corner, but I guess Heechul caught up because he grabbed me by the foot, making me slip on the floor with a thud, my head barely peeking past the door frame. I still only saw Taeyeon's leg in the same position I saw him when I left him, and the same position when I came back in here.

I feared the worst, but before I could even scream for Taeyeon, Heechul elbowed my temple, stuffing a cloth in my mouth and carrying me back upstairs. I laid limp on his shoulders, eye blurry seeing Taeyeon just . . lay there.

Heechul pushed me face down on the bed, palm resting against my cheek hand still muffling me. He was so stupid strong, it hurt so much. The side of my torso was pressed against edge of the bed, the firm mattress, I felt my insides burning.

When he flipped me over he hovered above me, pinning me down with his knee and ripped apart my clothes. His fast hands dug deep into his pocket and pulled out the thinnest blade I've ever seen.

Kick, punch, run away. Those things ran in circles around my head but I just couldn't do anything.

He leans down to my ear, practically breathing in it. His hot breath felt s uncomfortable to even be in close proximity. "You weren't supposed to be apart of this, hell you caused all of this.You're the center of it all Tiffany. If anything, you're the one to blame."

"I. . I didn't do anything." I mumbled lowly with uncertainty and I feel like as if it was my fault all of a sudden.

Was it?

"You think I don't know how you guys met?" He growled.

I frowned, my hand wanting to just slap him.

"If you hadn't met him, Taeyeon wouldn't have fucked up that Nichkhun kid. That wouldn't have gotten Eunhyuk to hear about Taeyeon's whereabouts. That wouldn't have caused Taeyeon to come back and relive his fucking childhood being affiliated with some gang shit. He wouldn't have asked Jonghyun to help him, he wouldn't have confronted Eunhyuk, killed him, kill Jonghyun too and then run. And guess what? Because of him, my fucking mother is dead and you know what happened to Kris? No one fucking knows. No one brings it up because we don't fucking know what happened to him. This all stems from you."

I blanked out and let it all absorb in. All I heard was he creaky old poor excuse of a bed, the fire crackling downstairs.

What he said, wasn't wrong. If Taeyeon just hadn't met me then. . there's no normal in him. Nothing about us, this relationship isn't normal.

I just want to get married, start a family, do the job I love and eat icecream in the park, go on movie dates with my significant other without thinking about . . criminal things.

It hurt.

"All for a fucking girl. You basically ruined a brotherhood and I applaud you. What is it about you that made him break our bond? To chose you over us?"

"I-I . ."

I tried to turn my head but that veiny rough hand kept pushing my down, almost suffocating me in the bed. My arms went and tried to swat it away but I felt that thin blade graze my skin, hot liquid trickling down my leg.

"Whatever it is, I want it. I want to see whats so fucking great about you." He spat, saliva dispersing in the air and all I could ever do was just eye the particles falling feeling my blood trail down.

I winced at the pain, whimpering pathetically as I laid lifeless in his arms.

"Fany-ah?" I heard Taeyeon's rumbling hoarse voice. I felt my arms start to shake.

"Where did you go Miyoungie?" The sound of my name that he rarely says, only when he wants to be gentle with me. Tears welled up in my eyes, trickling down my cheek. I wanted to call him back, but I couldn't.

When that cold hand trailed up my thigh and touched the waistband of my panties I closed my eyes.

"Miyoungie, love? Don't scare your bear? I miss you." He called a bit louder this time, making my heart break into pieces.

My bear.


	33. Staying

Kim Taeyeon

"Fany-ah?" I called, scanning the room a bit more closely.

I turned around in my spot, nothing was out of place that I could see. "Where did you go Miyoungie?"

She promised me she wouldn't leave. We had that talk last night.

I frowned and held the open door, opening it wider so I could step out. I swallowed the lump in my throat, scared shitless. "Miyoungie, love? Don't scare your bear? I miss you." I called louder, hearing my own voice just project back due to the emptiness of the area.

That round item in my hand snapped in two. Although it was metal, it was brittle. I didn't realize how hard I was holding it till my hand was cut from the shards of metal. I opened up my palm and let the pieces drop on the floor.

I dragged my heavy feet back to the lodge, clenching my jaw not out of anger, but maybe because I didn't want to cry.

I opened the door with my foot and stood back, seeing a hover hunched over on the bed.

My hand fell directly on the gun in my holster and when the moonlight gave me some sort of lighting I saw Hyung's face.

Hyung.

My heart dropped when I realized who was on the bed. The hand on the gun fell to my side, shaking. I was so absorbed looking at the scene directly in front of me I didn't make out his arm lunging for the gun resting on the stool.

"H-Hyung n-no . ." Was all I could say.

He shot me right in the knee and I thought my knee cap had shattered. I went down fast, on my hands and knees, screaming in pain.

It hurt so bad but my eyes were still on him, on her too.

I propped myself against the half blown out door and lolled my head to the side. "H-Hyung . . I forgive you. I forgive you for whatever you have done to me, but I won't forgive her if you hurt her." I choked out, dear god.

I stared at the slim leg dangling off the edge of the bed, a thin stream of blood trickling down the skin and I had trouble breathing. Oh Fany . . what did he do to you?

"Fuck you. You never understand! You never appreciated anything and anyone, you spoiled little . . I'll show you Taeyeon." He said with a sloppy smile turned sinister.

"What?"

He knelt beside me and pressed the gun to my stomach, he kept pressing it like he wanted to stab me with it and it hurt so bad but I didn't expect him to pull the trigger, twice. It was so soon, he didn't even flinch. The whole time our eyes locked.

Bang. Bang.

"H-Hyung." I gasped, looking down as the bloody mess between our hands.

"I hope you die, and when you do say hi to Eunhyuk, Jonghyun and Mom for me. Then descend to hell and rot there and don't fucking worry, when I die I'll meet you there." He said with such anger and I had no idea where the fuck it came from.

"What happened to you?" I whispered, watching as he kept scratching the back of his head harshly.

"You wanna know how it feels? I'll show you how it feels." He said in a sing song voice. I furrowed my brows, not able to wrap my head around whatever was happening.

My wet hand squeezed the side of my body, trying to stop the bleeding. I gulped when he turned around and the grip on the gun tightened, I watched the muscles in his hand tighten. He was going to kill her, right in front of me.

The adrenaline kicked in and with just enough movement and power I crawled up, kicking the back of his legs causing his knees to buckle.

He fell over but got back up pretty quickly, I was left there panting and he strolled over to me kicking the side of my head. It hurt, but not as much as the bullet inside of me. I wish it went through and through.

He grabbed my neck and pinned me up against the wall, my head flung back to hit the hard bare concrete.

"Don't t-touch her. Do whatever you want with me. . Heechul." I slurred, my own saliva dripping from my mouth and onto his hand. My own breathing was getting cut off and I was too weak . .

"A-Anything?" He asked innocently, his eyes seemingly lit up and he loosened the grip on my neck just a bit.

My chance.

My leg that was bent and pinned against the floor infront of his crotch was able to be free for just a second. I moved up to kick him there, rolling over him and grabbing the gun between his pants and waist.

My hand slid against his sweaty neck and he held it both with his rough ones. I stared at him, wondering what the fuck was wrong. What did he even do . . why was he even here?

Why was Fany on the bed . . why was Fany bleeding . . why was Fany unresponsive to me? I didn't know those questions would cause the veins in my hand to bulge out and my grip to tighten. He looked blue, he turned blue.

It was his turn to drool out for me, for him to cough out and gasp for precious air.

I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to kill him. I can't. Not him, not my own family.

"Tae. . yeon."

I heard that whimper, that small call of my name made me loosen the hold on his neck. Her cry, she was crying . . she's hurt.

My brows furrowed and I saw my own trembling face in his dilated pupils, I saw how I looked, how ugly I looked and how monstrous I had become. This was my own Hyung. . I grew up with him and I knew I had not even 1 cell in me that would be able to kill him.

I couldn't. Someone needed me, she needed me.

My body just naturally gravitated towards her. I took a step back, letting him go. My own breath becoming ragged. His own body slumped on the floor, gasping for air as he watched me as I watched him.

"Hyung . . you hurt her . ." I whispered. "I-I can't forgive you." Ever.

The both of us must've looked so stupid and so foolish. I still love you like family. I nodded once at Heechul, but nothing more.

I turned around to see her, looking so vulnerable just sitting in the corner of the room curled up with the sheets around her small body.

Without a word I slowly inched my self there, hands still on my wound the sight wrapped me and encased me in a world of just her.

It's okay, Fany. It's just me. We will be okay.

"Fany." My trembling hand went up to her but she smacked it away harshly. I was taken back by the sudden movement.

"Don't come near me."

"Fany."

"Stop! Please!" She screamed, kicking me away and hitting me continuously but I kept trying to hold her.

A punch to my jaw made me pull back to see her face, I palmed the spot and looked at her desperately. "Fany-ah!"

"Get away from me!" She kept screaming, sobbing. My back was bruised but I knelt beside her. I let go of her and her nails ended up scratching the side of my face.

I felt wet liquid drop down from the side and I touched it, looking at my bloody fingertips.

"Why? What happened . . Why are you pushing me away?" I whispered, holding her chin to make her look at me. She shook her head out of my hold and muffled her sobs, she didn't even look at me.

"What did he do to you?" I mumbled, my fingertips barely touching her cold soft skin.

She shook her head and grabbed the loose bed sheets, bringing them up.

I pulled them down, my eyes darting over to the dried blood that trailed up her leg, I touched her skin and she started to hake, kicking me but I grabbed her foot and I tuned out her freaking out and just stared at the cuts.

My fist clenched and I let Fany go.

I turned around, seeing the empty spot near the mirror, he was gone. Where did he go? I don't care. In the midst of us fighting I didn't see the scattered clothes around the room. His shirt, the part of her dress that was ripped off.

I can never forgive you.

I picked up the shirt and ripped it into two, throwing it out in the hall shutting the door and jamming it closed. I toppled over a bookshelf, barricading the door. I slid an old lather couch just behind the bookshelf, whatever I could get my hands on and heave to the door I lodged it there.

My knees gave and I sat on the floor, wiping the sweat on my forehead as the torn drapes fluttered in the breezy air with the window open.

She stayed quiet, looking at the wall while hugging her knees.

I didn't know what to do. I felt so lost in what to do.

She won't talk to me, look at me. I can't even touch her . . it's like I was evil, a plague, something bad something villainous.

How did it come to this? We were fine, we were okay jut hours ago and yet. .

Once I heard the sounds of the helicopter and blaring truck horn. I knew they were coming. I closed my eyes, rubbing my temples. I just can't seem to get a break. Not even at a moment like this.

I cleared my throat, letting my presence be known. "Fany, the cops are here. We have to get out of here." I said, peeling back the curtains a bit to see the flashing red and blue lights. The sirens got louder and louder as the wheels of the car traveled and crunched along the gravel.

She sat there still, cold. Cold like, lifeless and an absolute mess. No response.

I didn't want to touch her or make her upset.

My fingertips went up to her arm, touching her gently. She flinched but didn't protest this time.

My fingers went up to pull the bra strap that fell down her arm up. I draped my jacket over her, covering her bare arms and tattered dress.

I searched along the room for a cloth and grabbed it off the shelf. I turned the rusty tap on, hearing the drops of water wet the material.

I walked back to her cautiously, kneeling beside her. I showed her the wet cloth and she wasn't even looking at me or anything I was doing. Her eyes were still on that chair in the corner of the room.

I dabbed her little knick clean and wiped her face clean of blood. My hands gingerly made it's way down her neck, along her collarbone.

I took her soft hands into mine, turning them over to see her palm. The one milky white skin was now so patterned with dried red, blood. I wiped it clean, scrubbing gently to not scare her away.

The constant dripping of the faucet paired with the clicking of the window drove me insane.

I wanted to leave this claustrophobic dark room. It prohibited so much life.

My head snapped towards the echoing footsteps. The multiple footsteps. They were getting closer. I swallowed the lump in my throats and turned to Fany.

That cold, unresponsive lifeless look. Still staring into the corner of the room on that fucking chair.

"Fany, we have to go."

"Fany, we have to go." I repeated a bit louder.

The door pounded, I heard the shouts of the police.

I panicked, grabbed her arm and lifted her up. She elbowed the side of my temple and kept pushing me back. Her hand ended up pushing on the wound just below my rib and it felt like it got punctured and ripped wide open all over again.

I leaned on the wall clutching my torso. Even through her reluctance, she didn't say anything. Not even a 'stop it.' Instead, she had silent tears. She fell back on the floor and sat there, tears streaming down her face rapidly.

I breathed in and out, the pain eating away at my flesh and my insides were churning. I could barely move, I had to bend slightly to accommodate the freshly torn open laceration.

The knockings of the door increased a ten fold. The sirens we're blaring, the sounds of dog barks amplified in that thin hallway outside and they declared who they were multiple times. Police, right.

I removed my arm and looked at my forearm tainted with yet again my own blood.

Another set of banging sand then it stopped. A rhythmic beating of the door sounded instead and I saw how the door dented. They were using a battering ram to get in.

I crawled over to Stephanie quickly, touching her gently. I wanted her to look at me at least, but when I had my hand holding her chin she moved away, shoving me back.

It hurt. The rejection was worse than all the cuts I had on my body. What was wrong? Why is she denying me.

When the door swung open and sent the shelves crashing with such force I stared at the amount of blue collared men with flashlights, and guns pointed at me that flooded in.

For the first time in a long time, I truly didn't know what to do. It was out of my control. I don't know what will happen.

I looked at the person beside me. Often finding comfort and calmness when I always did, but when the person I go to isn't herself anymore, it was no longer the same.

I looked at the space between our knees, it was only an inch apart. I was so close to her. She was so close to me. We were together in this.

I slowly put my hands up, still looking at my little one.

But they charged towards me, tackling me to the nearest wall, my head thrown back with a loud thunk. They pinned my hands behind my back with such excessive force that I felt like it would snap.

I shook my head. "N-No you got the wrong guy! I-I'm her-" They punched my mouth and I felt blood flow right back into my mouth.

My eyes widened, they were all over the place. Everywhere I looked blue shirts. Black caps.

They yanked me always nd I felt my feet drag. My arms were restrained by other pairs of arms.

I didn't know why I was getting taken away. I wasn't the bad guy here.

Fany needs me.

"N-No!" My legs were planted on the floor, I pulled myself forward resisting their pull.

I wanted to be beside her, they were dragging me away from her. They were separating me from her and I didn't understand.

I was the good guy, I didn't do anything wrong.

I'm her . . soon to be husband. I saved her.

"Fany-ah! Fany! Please tell them, tell them!" I begged and pleaded.

Tell them, love. If you do, they'll let me go. I'll be beside you.

I thrashed in their hold, still resisting and they had a couple of guys on me. Slowly my vision of her started to dwindle as their bodies covered my sight.

"Say something! Fany-ah! Tell them I'm not the bad guy! Fuck!" I spit in the guys face infront of me and muscled my way out of the bodies.

I crawled my way through their legs, my fingers clawing at the floor desperate to get grip. I saw how there were so many people around her. She looked so frightened yet didn't respond to them.

Her eyes met with mine as I sprinted towards her, I wanted to grab her and run.

Run away from all this again.

I was so close to reaching that little girl sitting in the floor with her light pink dress.

The tug of my leg gets me to stop and fall, landing on the floor flat with a loud thud. My chest echoed that sound and I felt even more limp. She was so close to my reach.

I got dragged. Dragged back so hard that I felt my torso getting burns. My back was beaten by batons and I felt my body suddenly get a shocked.

But I never once broke that gaze I had with her. She looked at me for once. But she looked at me as I got beaten and taken away.

I laid there in my drool. My blood smeared all over the floor, yet I still had sight of her light pink dress.

My face was pressed against the cement floor, sweat blood and whatever fluid I happened to have on me coated my body. My hands were clammy, arms were sore because of how they were cuffed.

Siwon, Choi Siwon rushed to her as I eyed them from the floor where my head was being pressed against on from an officers foot. I was left drooling slobbering on the floor like a dog in the hot sun.

In his blue dress shirt and bulletproof vest with the bold words 'police' written across the chest, he took off his LAPD cap and knelt down. Fany's eyed trailed up front he floor up to his leg and met his. He touched her shoulder and she didn't flinch, she looked relieved. He enveloped her body with his and all I saw was his back. I couldn't see her face anymore.

I hated him, for not a reasonable reason at all. That's my love, I'm supposed to be consoling her, she's supposed to touch me, she's supposed to look relieved at the sight of me. I should be the one holding her, the on she can go to and think 'I'm safe.' I heard my own jaw grinding my teeth back and forth seething in my spot.

The foot on my head nudged me and I grunted. "You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you. Do you understand the rights I have just read to you?"

I nodded. "Yes."

They lifted me up and with hands on my cuffed ones turned me around and ushered me through the door. I took a glance behind me, catching just the corner of her pink dress in the sea of bodies, even between the people our eyes just barely met.

She looked away.

The obnoxious click of the door and then the slam amplified in the ward. Visiting room, is that what they called this?

They pushed me towards the lonely wooden chair, the lights flickered and I looked back to see the fat police guard scoff.

I sat down, the chains of the cuffs jingling. My sandals shuffling across the dusty floor.

I looked up at the plastic pane. It was so dark. I couldn't make out anything.

They had a second light in that room and they turned it on.

My heart beat faster seeing her. She looked the same. Her skin was cleaner, she had a change of clothes. It had only been 48 hours and she still looked cold and fucking lifeless.

I picked up the retro ass phone on the right of me, bringing it up my ear and expecting her to do the same.

Instead she looked down and played with her hands.

"Fany? Pick up the phone please." I said. I don't know if she could hear me or if she had to pick up the phone to hear me, but I said it anyways.

"Fany. Pick up the phone." I growled. My fist squeezing the plastic handle tightly.

She didn't move a fucking muscle.

I stood up from my chair slowly. "Pick. Up. The. Phone. Stephanie."

The prison guard just coughed, the buzzing of the lights continued and I had it.

I clutched it once more, hearing the plastic squeak in my hold. I threw the phone towards the plastic pane, and kicked the wooden chair over.

My chest cavity was filling with air rapidly and at the same time expelling so much I felt light headed.

"Fucking say something Stephanie! Look at me!" I yelled, shaking the edges of the table. My voice filled my ears, and it was only my voice.

"Tell me what happened damn it! What the fuck happened in the room with you and Heechul?! What happened Stephanie!"

Her hand was clutching the edge of the wooden chair, her head hung low and I leaned against the divider beside the plastic pane, banging my fist it, my forehead pressed against it. Dear god, send help.

I was in this room without anyone but myself and some shitty security guy.

She was on the other side, the only thing separating between me and her was plastic.

My throat felt dry but I pushed it. "I don't know how long I'll be in here, and I don't know if you'll wait for me. But can you at least say something to me Fany-ah. I-I just want to hear your voice." My voice trembled with fear. I might never get to see her.

My desperate plea, she still didn't even look at me.

I slid over to the plastic pane and pounded on it, making it shake and rattle. "Fany-ah! Say something you hear me?!" I screamed even louder, she could probably hear me without the phone.

The loud buzz and the metal door unlocking didn't faze me. I knew they were coming, the guards. They restrained me once more and pulled me back, diving me roughly out of the room and I saw her getting smaller and smaller the farther I got.

There she sat, unresponsive and lifeless looking.

It pissed me off.

I got thrown back into my cell but I didn't care. Prison didn't scare me.

Her not talking did.

I don't want to go home. Not if she's like this.

2 Months Later

The jingling of keys and the door lock opened. Man, rusty metal is so hard to listen to.

"You're good." The prison guard said, waiting for me to stand up. I squinted, scrutinizing him from head to toe. He wasn't just any police officer, he dressed a bit too formal. Probably a special one assigned to me, since . . well apparently I'm leaving now.

I cocked a brow, hand still behind my head as I threw the stone against a wall, catching it when it came back.

I didn't want to go home.

For straight 2 months I was holed up in jail,mostly in my cell. Not one day passed and I didn't think of her day and night. I knew she was at Sooyoung's house, taken care of and looked after. I was glad, she needed someone. But I thought about her, so much.

She always told me, 'be good for me' and I did.

I was because I got to have calling privileges when I was. I called her, at first the same time for a week. She never picked up.

I called at different times of the day the next week, hoping that maybe I'd catch her on one of those hours. Never did.

I kind of gave up. Days came slow, and whenever I missed her too much I called her. Knowing that the answering machine would always be at the end of the call if she never did pick up. I heard her voice only for 5 seconds.

'Fany Fany Tiffany isn't here to pick up your call right now! Leave me a message!' I can even picture her smiling at the end of that automated message.

I always waited patiently in my cell every Monday at 10 AM for the mail to come around. I expected a letter from her, or from anyone.

But every Monday just like every call, left me disappointed. I sat on the edge of the bed, staring at the other cells across from me acting like monkeys in metal cages. Ironic. My cell mate snoring on the top bunk didn't help either, we were all foolish criminals here for different cases.

I wondered what Heechul was doing. I didn't hate him, I couldn't hate him. He was an exception, and I couldn't bring myself to accept that. I wanted to hate him yet I asked if was he doing okay because I still cared.

I wasn't stupid. He had something to do with Fany . . I just didn't know what.

Other days were just me dealing with a cop on my ass. Siwon really was a cop, Dr. Choi wasn't lying. Undercover cop police officer Siwon Choi. He sat me down one day, interrogation. Asked me a bunch of question, and when I didn't answer to anyone I remember distinctively what happened.

He slammed both hands on the table, his shiny metal badge reflecting a glimmer in my eyes, he got up right close and personal to my face and sneered at me. "You better start coughing up answers if you wanna ever get back home to Stephanie-"

I brought my clasped hands together and swung into this right eye socket, he staggered back holding his eye, swearing the entire book and growling. "Stay the fuck away from my wife." I spat, then a swarm of blue collared men rushed in, apprehending me as I stared at him hissing in pain while I was being cuffed and handled roughly.

My wife. My Fany. My eyes felt like they were drying up as I eyed Siwon in my spot without blinking, I kept staring at him and when the thought finally hit me that Fany was home . . I started to chuckle. I laughed so hard that after the interrogation room clicked closed, I heard him curse.

"Fuck you Taeyeon!" He hollered, and that echoed so sweetly.

Mine. Fany is still mine, even if I'm still here, Shitwon.

All I ever wanted to do was go home, because I knew I wasn't . . bad. I was normal . . .

No. I'm not.

"Kim, out the cell." He said in a stern voice that snapped me out of my rhythmic daze. I didn't want to go home. Not to her. She didn't want me there. Or at least I thought she didn't. I didn't feel welcomed anyways.

Even if I did go she wouldn't have talked.

I stood up, sticking my rock back in the hole in the wall and bumping past the broad shouldered guard, I side eyed him, giving him a dirty look as he narrowed his eyes at me under that black police cap. I saw that tinge of blonde hair underneath it and I started to laugh.

What trend did I miss being away 2 months from civilization?

I let him cuff me behind my back as I shuffled along the narrow hall past shouting inmates. The guard shoved another inmate straight into my cell, replacing me right away like this damn prison wasn't overfilled enough.

I was ushered out of my cell, pushed into a room and it had a locker where I had the stuff I came in here with in the first place. I unlocked it and there wasn't really anything but my wallet and old clothes. I changed into a t-shirt and jeans and a bomber jacket, opting to shower first before leaving.

Just before I went through the blue metal doors of the prison, they uncuffed me. I touched my wrist, finally free of metal rings around my fucking hands. I gave a slight bow to the random guard at the door, my foot reaching the pavement as I looked up to see . . green trees. Buildings, cars. I smelled the air, finding it strange that it didn't smell like urine, dusty bars and dried up cheetos.

Smelt like ass, but it was freedom.

Where first? Home?

Was it because I missed Heechul, missed Jonghyun? I missed someone, and I happened to bring myself to my hometown. The neighbourhood I grew up in, I made a round trip along every street post, every store and every park.

I walked with my hands in my pocket, just observing life. Truthfully, being locked up in a small room didn't affect me in anyway. Being lonely was normal to me, it was normal to me for many years of my life till . . Fany. Difference was when I was lonely in the cell, I missed her.

I was eager to go home, because she was home and the loneliness would go away when I returned.

I just had a lot of thinking, a lot of missing and a lot of wondering for a good 2 months. Didn't affect me that much.

I stopped at a familiar Bodega, the one me Jonghyun used to stop by before school. It's even so long, I don't even know if the fat cat Daisy was still in the corner munching on cooked peas.

I was close by the bay, and I could probably use some fresh air walking into civilization again.

I ordered a cup of coffee, and a bagel. I don't even like bagels but whatever. Better than whatever the shit they served in prison.

The chimes rang when I opened the store door and walked out, heading down the stairs to the beached out area.

I opted out for the shaded area. A cliff like ledge where it had a couple of shrubs and a tree.

There was always a person there fishing but I wasn't going to bother them. Just wanted to sit and hang my feet off the ledge.

I climbed up to the cliff and sat down on the patchy grassy spot underneath the tree. I placed my coffee cup on a rock nearby and opened my brown bag, the paper crinkling and scrunching up as I slid the warm bread out.

Smells like convenience store, bacon, eggs, and a good whole slice of American cheese. I sighed, lips curling up to a smile at the thought of sitting on this same exact cliff right before school, stuffing my small face with this exact bagel thing.

I never liked bagel ever since. I got sick and tired of it.

I could see in the corner of my eye the guy fishing shuffling to the side while reeling up a big ol fish. Good times, really.

Something about just sitting around watching the calm waters with a close friend, reeling in your line every now and then was special? Bonding? Did they call it that. I never did i with Jonghyun.

I guess I got distracted because the guy ended up sitting beside me, plopping himself down which startled me slightly. "You never liked bagels." The low raspy voice said.

"Yeah I don't." I mumbled, chewing slowly.

Then it hit me. How'd he know?

The guy beside me shifted and I frowned about to place whatever I had down ready to fight. He lifted his hat up and a small tinge of blonde hair stuck out, the shadow of his distinctive eyes and that weird smile. I almost spat out my bagel.

"Y-Y-You." I stuttered, the bagel sandwich in my hand rolled off my hand and fell off the cliff, dropping in the sea with an audible 'plop.'

He smiled and took off his hat fully. Turning around to stand infront of me, hand outstretched beckoning me to take it.

"You're kidding me." I mumbled, my jaw practically unhinged. My heart beat faster. It couldn't be. . no.

"Touch me, I'm all human." He said proudly, patting his chest before extending his hand.

I looked at his hand. Skin, flesh, bone. In front of me. "Tell me you're who I think you are." I mumbled.

He cleared his throat and smiled cheekily. "J-o-n-g-h-y-u-n, K-i-m!"

"Fuck you Jonghyun." I slapped his hand away and threw a crumpled up piece of paper at him.

He sat down beside me and I wanted to punch him in the neck. But I didn't. I let him sit beside me as my body started to relax. All of me wanted to hug him, god he was . . here.

My brother, my own family. I swallowed my happy tears, my other feelings consuming me in an instant.

"Explain." I grumbled. I glanced at him to see if he was actually real. Like here, human being. Not some terrestrial being or a ghost.

He smiled and sighed, placing his palms behind him as he propped himself up and swung his legs. "Faked my death the moment they took me into the ambulance. Kris did a swap with my body before anyone got to it at the hospital. It worked to get myself out of the triad." He said so stupid proudly.

My fist clenched at his stupid plan.

"Jonghyun I thought you were dead! I held you in my arms crying like a little bitch! You had me believing that I killed you for months! I couldn't live with myself! Did you know how close I was to killing myself over it?! I went crazy! Then I had to go back in the triad! Work things out so your fucking family could be in peace Jonghyun!" God how much I wanted to kill him myself.

"No one asked you to do that for me!" He hollered, shoving me by the shoulder.

I snapped my head att him and punched him on the side of his head. "But it's the least I can do! Do you realize how sorry I felt towards you when I left you at first?! You were gone, it was something I wanted to do to make it up to you since I didn't get the chance to, you fucking dipshit!"

"I'm sorry I hurt you okay? I couldn't tell anyone about my plan, not till at least a year. No one knew Taeng except Kris. That's why he's never here anymore . . he went to China to stay low and avoid questions. I was going to come back and tell you. I hear you were in jail and maybe you know . . . I came to break you out of jail." I scoffed and slapped the back of his head, he smiled a bit and rubbed the back oof his head.

No fucking wonder. I had so many charges against me I wouldn't have been a walking man in my fucking late 100's. No question were asked of me when I left. That fucking prison guard who told me to go, was him. I wasn't stupid, but I went with it. I was too tired to be suspicious, but I guess my carelessness paid off. It was a good thing.

I shook my head. "No, what's done is done. Jonghyun, I don't know what's happening anymore. I have no idea what happened . . My girl's not okay and something happened to her because she's . . I don't know Jonghyun, I don't know what she is, but it's because of this fucking triad. . " I said, shaking the memories out. Just the thought of finally seeing her made tears well up my eyes.

"Shit." He muttered.

"I-I wish I never knew you were alive." I blurted out my endless thoughts, that statement being 100% true.

"So you wish I was dead? Taeng, you didn't even attend my funeral." He mumbled, trailing off. I felt guilty that I didn't attend the funeral but.

"I couldn't look at you dead Jonghyun. I loved you the most, out of everyone in our clique I loved you the most Jonghyun. Not even Heechul . ."

"You mean Hyung." He pointed out.

I shook my head. "He doesn't deserve that title anymore."

His brows knitted and he sat up straighter, looking concerned. "Why?"

I hummed and played with my thumbs. I don't want to tell him, yet. "I don't even know how my girlfriend is. Do you know how much that kills me? You and mom meant a lot to me. Heechul too. But she makes me so exceptionally happy. I felt like she was taken away from me." I frowned when my talk was all about Fany. Jonghyun was here. I should appreciate that.

"I never really met her, but she must be something to make you happy. You never smiled so damn much in your life." He teased, howling in laughter when I glared at him.

I stood up and he did too, I ended the talk about Fany right there.

I just smiled, sighing out in relief and pulled Jonghyun into a hug, patting his back a bit too hard but it was a 'bro' hug. "Jonghyun, I missed you. God, I thought you were gone you punk. But I'm in this mess and I don't know how to get out."

"Hyung. I came back for you. I'll take you with me this time." He punched my gut jokingly and I dug my hands into my pocket, walking side by side.

"Unlike me."

"I don't hold it against you. I understand Taeng."

I laughed a bitter one. "I just left you here. In the triad to fend for yourself. They all jumped you like viscous dogs they were.

"Let's just start new. I'll help you. We can get that fancy yacht, a bunch of chicks, a kick ass cabin and fish a whole years full of food."

I rose a brow. A part of me was questioning the integrity of his words. Would he keep those promises? Sounds a bit ridiculous, but like Eunhyuk said those bitter words to me once 'everyone that enters your life eventually leaves' it seemed so true these days. I can't help but feel so unsure about myself.

"I'm staying, Taeyeon." He voiced out, knowing exactly what I was thinking. I felt myself float just a bit, in bliss.

I gestured my hand out, narrowing my eyes at my hand. He started laughing and immediately his warm hand wrapped around mine and we shook on it, sealing the deal.

It felt damn good, having some reassurance. I let go afterwards, finding it fucking awkward. I shoved him away and we walked back from the cliff along the sidewalk.

I flipped Jonghyun's cap backwards and he growled. "You look like a k-pop idol. The fucks with the blonde hair?" I pulled at his hair and he swatted my hand in annoyance.

He patted his hair back and tried to fix it. "I happen to think I look great in it."

"Every time I look at you I can't help but laugh. I can't take you seriously."

He shoved me hard enough for me to trip, I was practically doubled over laughing on the dirt. I kicked his leg and he toppled over too, we both laid on the grassy field with our laughs trying to fight over each other.

A brief pause and it let me think. It will be okay. We, will be okay.

I glanced back to see the car idling there, he waved and gave me a thumbs up. My hands were shaky as I slid the key in, I turned it and took a deep breath.

I unlocked the door and carefully walked in. Instantly all the familiar things flushes right back into me.

I felt more of a human and less of a prisoner in a confined society.

The furniture seemed to be unchanged, the shoes and the clothes on the racks were familiar.

I recognized the red leash and smiled. Still here too.

"Honey. I'm home." I mumbled. I breathed out and placed my duffel bag on the floor.

I was once so used to coming home to an energetic little bunny welcoming me with the biggest hug known to man.

But I'm just greeted with nothing.

My biggest fear right now was walking into my room and finding that her closet is emptied. Or the bed is made neatly without a single evidence of her sleeping in it.

My fear is that she left, and I still don't know if I can take another leave from her.

I opened the door quietly. Just in case that if she was there I wouldn't startle her.

I walked in and I guess today was my lucky day because she was there.

Tucked underneath the blankets like a little lump sleeping soundly.

I took my seat in the corner of the room. Far from her yet at the same time not so.

I wanna keep an eye on her, protect her because I wasn't able to in the first place.

For me I'd rather watch her than go to sleep because it'll be settling in my heart to know that in my own care, she's under my watch. That she'll be protected by me.

I held the tears that started to form in my ducts. Every cell in my body that existed wanted to hug her, kiss her, hold her and hear her precious voice because I've been so deprived of it for so long.

I bit my knuckles, wiping away the crying I was doing.

I didn't realize she had woken up till I registered it in my brain.

"F-Fany-ah?" I choked.

She stared at me with worrisome eyes and I got up from my seat, making my way to her because I couldn't contain the excitement in my heart.

I knelt on the bed and she brought the covers up. Her clutch on monkey George went tighter and I couldn't understand.

My hand went up to cup her cheek, but she moved away. She moved further away, like I was some sort of predator.

I started to ache profoundly. Constant rejection from the one I love the most, yet I can't blame her.

There's nothing I can blame her for. I did this to her, I dragged her into this.

It's because of me. She had to experience something so traumatic.

My connections to the triad, that's me. She just happens to be my girl, a prized possession they know how to take from me.

She didn't want anything to do with this nor did she have anything to do with it. It was so unfair to her and I am sorry to her because of it.

It was my fault I couldn't watch out for her, to protect her to keep her safe. I knew how dangerous it was for her to be alone yet my naive judgment got the better of me and it just happened.

I turned around and sat on the edge of the bed. I ran my rough hands through my hair and had hot tears dripping out of my damn no good eyes.

"Fany-ah. I haven't seen you in two months. In a time like this I think we need each other, so please don't shut me out?"

"What happened?" I muttered. I know she can hear me. She knows it. I know it.

She sighed, and didn't say a word.

"What. Happened." I repeated and when there was nothing I shut my eyes tight. "Fany! Please tell me! I'm begging you, what happened!"

"Why didn't you wake me up when you got up, why didn't you keep your end of the promise to wake me up if you saw something, why was Heechul there, what did Heechul do to you? Why didn't you speak to me when you visited me once and that was 48 hours after the incident, why didn't you pick up the phone when called you, why didn't you write a letter to me. No, no no, those aren't important as why the fuck do you respond to Siwon but not me! Why!" At the end I had a finger pointing right at her, my chest heaving and I was standing up, my knees felt like they were going to give.

I fell down to my knees, close to her leaning against the bed. "Why can't you touch me, look me in the eye, talk to me? Whats wrong with me? What did I do? I-I needed you back then, and I need you the most now. Please Fany." I pleaded, my head barely lifted up. My fingertips touched her palm slightly, but I retreated my hand and I know she felt it. I'm desperate.

"I'm sorry." She said, voice cracking. My voice perked at her soft voice I've longed to hear for months. I couldn't be angry with her, everything I listed I couldn't blame her for it and it frustrated me.

"Will you tell me what happened?" I asked.

"I-I can't."

"Why not?"

She shook her head.

Am I not a significant other to her anymore, her best friend? Someone she can tell her problems to, who she can lean on? What am I to her now? I clenched the bed sheets, wanting to be angry but I know I can't.

I have no idea where our relationship stands at this very moment. But I know for sure that one thing I wasn't going to do was to give up.

I glanced at her fingers grasping the sheets. Bare. Ring less. Where the fuck, is my ring to her?

"Are you thinking about leaving?" I asked. I turned around and she looked at me apologetically. I held my breath at the sight. I felt the part of my chest just have this eerie feeling of coldness run through it.

This was too much for her. It was out of my control.

I don't know . . if it will be okay.

I kept looking at the ceiling as if they were clouds and started to imagine different shapes and images on it. I was bored out of my mind on a Thursday night, usually a few months ago nights like these were just me and her playing games, she'd be reading me a book or we'd be watching her reality TV show.

The week was just back and forth, us fighting, me wanting her to tell me. It went around in circles. 'Tell me what happened.' to 'I can't' to 'why?' then it escalated to 'are you leaving me?' and it popped over and over again. Endless fights, it made us become distant.

It was around 2:30 in the morning when I heard my door creak open. I glance upon it just to see my familiar small button walk towards the edge of the bed and lean down. She sat on the bed and hit me really hard on the chest.

I was really confused at first but she pulled back my covers and laid on me like she always had done. Her head was right under my chin and I smelt her sweet floral shampoo that I grew to love more and more.

She hits me harder on the chest as she buries her face into my neck and cries. I felt her hot tears roll down the side of my neck and she hits me harder muffling her sobs.

I missed her so much, that weight on my body every night and the extra warmth that radiated off her body to mine was my normal.

"I h-hate you so much. I can't take it." Her husky tired voice made me sigh. Her hitting got more frantic, harder, and I felt every feeling she was going through from every smack I got.

"Why are you like this? Why are we like this? I don't understand, tell me Taeyeon." She stops her hitting and cries harder. I couldn't do much but listen and lay pretty.

"I don't know. I really don't." I rub her back as gently as I could.

Her sobbing eventually got quiet till it completely died out. She was in deep thought and said nothing as her breath got more ragged and her body was heaving up and down.

Throughout the night, it was a repetition of exactly that. I don't have the right words to say, and frankly she knows nothing I say will make it right. I have nothing to do but just be sad with her.

But I had so many things to say, so many things to ask. I couldn't help it but just say it. "I understand that what you went through is too much for you that you can't handle it and want to leave. . I get that."

"Whatever happened behind that door with Heechul. . . I understand if you can't talk about it now, but I want you to know that I'm here, I'm listening and I will love you the same no matter what you tell me. I just hope that in the future you will speak to me about it, because I want to know how you're feeling. Those two months I was in jail I couldn't ask how you were, so I'd like to know."

"I wouldn't have thought that you father would ask Siwon to watch over you, then have him try to turn me in through the cops. But I can't understand Heechul, he betrayed me. Jonghyun's even alive. . I would never have imagined this ever. There's so many things happening right now, everything is falling apart for me but I didn't think at the end of this we would fall apart too." I said sadly, eyeing the top of her head.

"I thought we were stronger than that. That we would last through everything, even the toughest moments we lived on Fany, but right I don't know about us. I thought we could lean on each other after all that has happened, but I don't know." We we're both sobbing by the time I was done. . talking.

She didn't reply to what I had said, but by the way she kept clenching my shirt it was almost like she was talking.

I didn't sleep, instead I stayed up all night comforting her and saying anything I could but sorry. She doesn't want to hear it and I know.

My chest was bruised by the time day rolled around, as she fell asleep at around 5 in the morning and her face was messy with dried tears and her hair stuck to places on her face. Her lips were chapped to no surprise and her hand had an iron grip on my shirt.

It was balled up in her palm and I slowly opened it up, letting my own hand take its place. I kissed her every second I got and fixed her silky hair.

It will be okay. We have to be okay.

After that night, everything went back to the both of us staying silent and ignoring the other as if they didn't exist. Nothing was exchanged between us and I didn't confront her about the night and I didn't plan to.

We'd occasionally bicker like usual but it wasn't till Siwon had showed up to my door checking up on her that we had another shouting match that ended up with her crying again.

She was in front of one the closets frantically taking out a coat and her purse getting ready to leave for some time alone from me and just before her hand touched the door knob I grabbed her hand.

I feared that she'd leave me forever. She was just about to go through that door, I would've witnessed her walk out on me, that door would've closed.

I felt myself in her shoes when I was the one that left her in our very first fight. I now know why she told me she couldn't believe it when I left, when I had really left. That feeling when someone so precious to you walks out on you and you can't do anything but just feel.

I feared losing her tonight, this was the last straw.

I pushed her in the closet firmly and closed the door behind me before placing my hands on either side of her head on the wall, looking straight at her puffy, swollen, glossy eyes that cried because of me.

But even with the closet being pitch black, I could see it. Her small whimper made my heart soften. I wasn't mad at her for anything. It subsided significantly when she cried and called out my name that same night this fight even started.

"Look at me." I said sternly. She looked away from me and turned her head but I followed, still unmoved with my position. "No, Miyoung. Look at me."

Her eyes met mine and she looked a mixture of sadness and anger, but that anger I didn't know where it came from.

"Do you see me? It's me. I'm not hurting you love, I'm not bad." I whispered, she still seemed reluctant.

"Miyoungie . . I'm here to love and support you. Not hurt you, or cause you emotional distress. So please, look at me, touch me, talk to me." We saw each other and I sighed tiredly.

"What have we become? Why do we do this to ourselves? I can't handle the tension between us anymore. It's agonizing because I hate the feeling of a huge compression on my chest every time I see you look away from me and ignore me." I whisper as gently as I could and leaned in closer to her as she lets tears streak down her face quietly nonstop. She pushes my face away from her roughly but I lean in back to her letting only half an inch between us.

She slapped me multiple times across the face as she kept crying. I let her do that because I deserve it. I felt so much guilt towards her. But the sight of her doing this to me as she cried sucked.

I held her hand close to my cheek after she had a go with her frenzy hits. "Hit me, touch me. I'm still the same guy who you call bear. Nothing's changed."

Her delicate hand immediately molded against my face and she grazed it with her thumb, her eyes softening and glistening. "Bear. ." She said with trembling lips.

"Why are we always fighting Miyoung? Is this it? Because if this is us for the rest of our lives, fighting, shouting, making each other upset or sad every single day then I don't know what to do about it. But I know what I'm not going to do, and it's to not abandon what we have and call it quits. I'm not giving up on you, or us. It's not going to be like last time. There will be no goodbyes. Truthfully, I miss you. I miss your touches and your little laughs or the welcome homes you give me every time I come home. A part of me is missing my other half Fany-ah, this isn't right. It isn't right and I'm so sorry. I'm so, so so sorry." She cups her mouth with her hand crying into them as she muffles her sobs and shakes her head while her other hand is pushing me away by the shoulder.

"I want to know what happened because it affected you, I don't like seeing you like this and I just want to know what hurt you, what has pained you so much, dear?" She nodded and started to have a bit of hiccuping in her cries.

"I love you." I whisper and kiss her cheek. It's the first time I've said it since the week, and I felt myself just crumble as I spilled those three words off my lips. I've also never been this close to her during the week, and man does it feel fulfilling.

"I h-hate y-you." She pulls her hand away from me and I expected her to walk away. My disappointment was starting to rise, what did I expect. But she didn't. She slid down the wall, sitting down in the closet floor looking at me with glazy eyes.

"Miyoungie? What's wrong?" I said quietly, kneeling down slowly.

We looked at each other till she inches closer to me, eyeing my body.

She tucked herself underneath my chin and with trembling arms wrapped herself around me.

"Taeyeon, hold me." She said in a small voice, an innocent pure voice that I didn't want to break further.

Carefully I placed a hand gently on her back and watched her reaction. She moved slightly at the touch but nothing too extreme.

I continued and put another arm around her back, pulling her close to me and keeping her tucked beneath my chin.

Our skins touching, her hot ragged breath on my neck made it feel so . . fake.

I sat there with her in my arms, I don't know what I was waiting for. But I stayed quiet, never taking for granted this moment.

There was another short break before I felt another squeeze on my shoulder, she sighed contently.

"I do feel safe with you. . like no ones going to take me away or harm me. You're my happy place . ." She mumbled against me, I felt her lips nibble on me.

"I try my hardest to keep you safe, always."

"I-I was scared that I could never touch you again, never have you again. I kept pushing you away in fear that it'll happen Taetae. . what happened with Heechul. . I feel dirty, I thought if I told you. . you'd go away." She hugged me harder and she did it tightly while crying into my shoulder. I felt her trembling hands trail up my spine and I felt so warm yet so empty.

"No, don't think that. Don't."

She unlatched herself from me and wiped her tears away with her hand. "No more Taeyeon, I can't handle it. Make it stop, make this stop. I'm going to break . . this isn't normal and I can't handle it . . "

My eyes started to water and I realized how unfair this was for her. My heart ached for her and I felt so sorry towards her.

"I'm trying, baby I'm trying." My voice came out cracked.

"Taeyeon, I can't do this anymore." She begged, pulling on my fingers, head still curled up to my neck.

"Do you want out then?" I asked, patting her back awaiting the answer I don't want to hear.

She nodded.

I bit my lip, not wanting to part ways if it came down to that.

"Would you leave me to have that out?"

She frowned and shook her head, shoving my shoulder lightly. "That's not an option because I promised you no matter how hard it gets, I'll stay with you. But I've had enough Taeyeon. I'm tired."

"It's over. I have a feeling it is. I'm out of prison and they didn't tell me the reason, Jonghyun's alive, and I have you back. It's getting better."

She tugged on my shirt and looked surprised. "Jonghyun's alive?"

I nodded and smiled, he's alive. "It's a long story, but I think a bit of story time between us wouldn't hurt, right?"

She shook her head and sighed. "Promise me whatever I tell you, you won't be angry, with anyone."

"Hm?"

"Heechul's . ." She started stuttering and couldn't even finish her sentence.

I cut her off with a kiss on the cheek, and she curled up all shy. "Later. I want to talk about you." I kissed her hand and brushed her fringe back. "If there is something that I can ask you to do for me, would you do it?"

She looked at away and looked down at her fumbling fingers before nodding slightly.

"Come with me to my cabin. I want to spend some time with you alone away from all this chaos. It'll only be two days, and if you decide then. . we can maybe really look into normalizing our lives. Even if it means a break. I won't hold it against you or try to win you over. It's up to you."

I gulped and continued, playing with her soft hand.

"I have one condition if you decide to go. I want you to enjoy the two days we'll be together like nothing had happened before. Drop everything that you have experienced the past couple of months, the bad and the worst. Anything that plagues you or makes you even the slightest bit upset, let it go for now."

"I want those two days with me to be nothing but good memories being made, you smiling and happy. That's all I really want from you."

"Will you spend 2 days of complete bliss with me?" I kissed the crown of her head, resting my chin waiting for her to just say yes to me.

She frowned. "Why does it sound like you're breaking up with me."

I chuckled and shook my head. "No, fuck no. Not after the hell we've been through. It's just 2 days of us being happy, no negative thoughts, just us being okay. You have to uphold this rule though, because on this trip I don't want us to be fighting and being upset or whatnot."

She didn't look convinced and I knew she had her doubts but I patted her arm and slid her off me. I got up but she pulled the back of my t-shirt roughly, the material stretching and I thought she was going to rip it off me. I turned back and met her uncertain eyes. "D-Don't go."

I held her hand and made her let go of my shirt. I gave her a reassuring smile and although still not bought she let me go.

She watched my movement as I sat back down on the bed across from her, placing the tin box in front of her. I opened the lid and the neatly stacked piles of blue notes seemed to be my glimmer of hope.

"You promised me that when it got bad, or when we have a fight, when you're thinking about leaving me . . to open these and read them."

Right now it's a mixture of all 3.

I slid the neat pile to her and she picked one up, fingers on the edges. Her fingers traced the outline of it before she opened it, taking the coin out and reading it.

Every movement of her eyes, every touch of her fingers tips and lips that moved slightly I caught it all. I could almost tell which days she was reading.

Which notes were joy, which notes were somber. I saw it all, I knew exactly what I wrote it all of them. She couldn't stop.

How long had it been, we wouldn't know. I sat in front of her, hoping that she'd remember this. Remember us, what was fought for and how we got to here. 87 Days.

She suddenly gasped, looked at me started crying, covering her mouth with a shaky hand and she placed the piece of paper down.

She didn't look up from her spot and she closed her eyes, tears flowing straight down from the corner and down her face.

"I'm not leaving you, not after all this time. I'm staying, for as long as you want me to be here." I said quietly. Her body shook, she held me tighter and I sighed.

I would be lying if I said it the sight didn't make me feel upset.

She muffled her sobs and shook her head, one of her hands crumpling up the paper.

I held her close to my chest, soothing her from her cries. I opened the palm and carefully took the wrinkly blue paper out, smoothening out and placing it neatly back in the box. My hands met the ring on the night table. I held her tighter. I promised.

Her lips trembled against my skin, and when it kept moving I glanced down to see her eyes meet mine. "I-I want to go with you, Taeyeon."


	34. Cabin I

Stephanie Hwang

I missed him terribly.

He was still the same . . no matter how many times we fought or how badly I treated him when he was in jail he was still here loving me the same. I owe him, a lot.

My eyes wandered to the tin box with all those stupid coins, my favourite things written for each and every one of them made me feel so warm.

I pulled away from him and he had a slight reassuring smile. All of a sudden I felt my stomach grumble, and I sighed. Gosh.

He laughed so hard, it took him a couple of minutes of calming down and me swatting his arm to get him to shut up. He pulled me up, and I walked sulkingly behind him. He pointed at the carpet of the living room and tossed a bunch of blankets and pillows on it.

"Wait for me?" He said softly. A large part of me just anted to cling onto hi back for the entire day, not letting go.

We were away for so long from each other . . and today was the day I got him back. It's not like I wanted him to let go of me so quickly . . but he wasn't going anywhere.

I believed he'll come back, no matter how long, or how far he went. I trusted bear, so I nodded and sat on the floor. I wrapped myself in his favourite blanket, the one with Jack Skellingtons patterned all over it and stared at his back.

He turned on the stove and the gas lighting up made me sigh in relief. He didn't go far, my paranoia taking my fears over new heights and doubling it.

The bear opened the fridge, scruntinizng it before taking some vegetables out and placing them on the counter. He turned to me and gave me a thumbs up, that confident smile looked so good on him.

I heard the dog tags of my two white fluffs come closer to me, looking happier now that their dad was home too. They dug themselves in my blanket wrap and snuggled close to me a I rubbed their heads, keeping an eye on Taeyeon.

I missed him so much. The way he takes care in whatever he's doing; like chopping vegetables. The way he's patient; waiting for the water to boil. The way he does a funny little dance and curses like a sailor when he gets accidentally burnt by the pan. My absolute favourite mode of him, was when he's focusing. It's the way he knits his brows when he's plating it up, double checking twice because he's somewhat a perfectionist.

I missed all of him.

I didn't even see him finish till he walked by me and plunked himself close to me. I unravelled myself from the blanket and invited him to join. He scooted closer, holding the arm bowl of fried rice before placing it in front of me, resting a spoon across it.

He pulled on the blanket and adjusted it, making sure it covered me well. We were like two peas in a pod. I sat there quietly waiting for him to settle as I held the steaming bowl of hot rice.

"Don't worry, I cut back on the salt. I think it's at least edible. Anything is better than jail food honestly. I survived on a packages of cheetos for the time I was there, it was great." He chuckled, kissing my temple as I kept staring at the bowl in my hand mindlessly when he said something about jail.

Prison. I didn't visit him during his time there, nor did I even call or write to him. It was like, guilt filing me up and threatening to explode.

"Is it not good?" He suddenly asked, probably alarmed by my silence.

I felt the nudge on my leg and immediately I shook my head but with a quick pace he took it out of my hands and grabbed a spoonful and shoving it in his mouth. He knitted his brows and when he thought it was okay he blew on it and cooled it down before offering me a bite.

I looked at him, wondering how he can be so normal after what happened, how he can care for me despite me leaving him alone for two months.

"Fany-ah? Are you not hungry?"

I shook my head. "I-I was before and now I. ."

"That's okay, we can eat later." He was going to get up but I yanked on his shirt and he sat down with a thump, looking surprised.

"Were you upset with me?" I asked quietly.

He turned to me and knitted his brows. "Upset? Upset with you? For what?"

"I didn't visit you. . or write to you. . or call."

He has a straight face and looked slightly concerned. "Huh? Hm. That's okay. Anyways, I met this bald-"

"It's not okay. You're my lover. I should've been there for you but I wasn't." Don't change the subject, we need to talk about it Taetae.

"You don't have to explain yourself." He said sincerely, touching my arm as reassurance. I glanced downwards just staring at his cut hand. Our knees were touching, I felt his tiny leg hair poke my own leg, we were sitting that close.

"I have to, it's not fair to you if I don't." I mumbled.

He looked at me in confusion, tilting my chin up to make me look at him and I wiped the tears from my eyes. "You're so good to me. . you said I don't have to talk about anything till I'm ready and here you act like you loved me the same as if nothing happened."

"Taeyeon I didn't speak to you because I was so afraid of you leaving me if you found out. There was just so many potential outcomes, so many unknowns I was scared you'd leave . . I was scared that maybe I'll leave."

"What are you afraid of? What's so bad about me finding out?"

I lifted up my shorts and he looked down with worried eyes. I bit my lip when I looked at the sharp defined scar, it was still red so ugly and so dirty.

I heard a sharp breath being taken in. "It's so bad. Oh Fany . . what did he do to you?" He whispered, pressing his forehead against mine.

He brought his hand up, his fingertips touched the side of my thigh and I flinched, he lifted his fingers up and frowned, our eyes locking when he did He looked so hurt from me flinching but I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. another wave of guilt just rushed through me and I didn't understand why I just had to keep unintentionally hurt him.

"No, no Taeyeon it's not what it looks like. ." I pulled him closer and sat on his lap, our skins touching and I kissed his lips. "I'm not afraid of you. . I get scared myself when I touch it."

He hummed. "It's just. . it's ugly Taetae. ." It's ugly, he is ugly. Heechul is.

He shook his head and was about to say something but I pulled on his two fingers and brought them down, placing them on the long slash scar on my thigh.

"I-I'm not afraid of you Taetae. . touch me."

He trailed soft fingers along my thigh and touched the scars, I felt him running it along the side. I pressed my forehead against his and watched trying hard not to cry.

"Did it hurt?"

I nodded. "J-Just a bit."

He clenched his jaw shut, and I rubbed my fingers along it to get him to relax it a bit in a vulnerable time like this, I liked touching him. His palm went up my body and unbuttoned my shirt slowly, he kept looking at me for permission after every button and I nodded each time.

I knew exactly where he was going, and I didn't stop him. If it made him feel better, then so be it. He slowly spread my shirt open and he too pressed his forehead against mine, sighing.

His knuckle rubbed that area I knew too well. That bullet wound. "It's fading away Taetae."

"But it marked your skin."

"It's healing, it'll go away soon."

"It almost killed you. I could've lost you because of this."

I ran my hand through his hair, caressing the side of his head just humming. "But it didn't, and it won't. Don't think about that type of stuff."

He laid me down gently on the carpet and trailed kisses from my collarbone, to my chest and to the single bullet wound on my lower abdomen. I felt his soft lips against my skin twice, then his thumb rubbed it gently like he wanted to make it go away.

"Did he touch you . . there?" His finger tips grazing my thigh but didn't go further, he held my waist and buried his head into my chest.

I shook my head. "No . . he didn't." "You got there before he could, but he was so close Taetae. ."

He sighed out a breath of relief and looked up, that frown never left. "It scared you . . didn't it?"

I nodded, stroking his head. "I don't want to do any of those things with anyone else but you . . a time like that I allow all of myself to you, because I trust you." I couldn't see his face, but I knew he was sad. "I got so upset, thinking I would no longer be faithful to you because of him, how I let him touch me, how I let him kiss me when it's supposed to be you and only you. It upset me so much." I continued but got quieter when he looked up empty.

"I couldn't stop this from happening to you. I'm sorry." He mumbled another sorry and I didn't want him to apologize for something he didn't do.

"Taeyeon. ." I gulped, not knowing if I should go on but then again I think back. 2 months of pure distance, I should tell him now. "For days and up to the months we were apart I thought about everything a lot. It got so bad I couldn't sleep. I went counselling to help fix it . . but every time I left her office I kept imagining you sitting on the chair waiting for me. I don't know, but it seemed like I should've spoke with you instead."

"I wanted normal, I wanted to make your lunch, I thought about the days you could've picked me up from work and we would have our dates, it's been so long I don't remember going out with you anymore. I wanted you to come home and tell me how your day went, then just before bed we'd talk about silly nonsense like we had when we just started dating."

"It overwhelmed me . . it's too much Taeyeon. I just didn't know if I could keep up with your lifestyle anymore. I wondered if I would be in the same position under some strange man like that in the future. I hated it, I didn't want another repeat. So I just . . distanced myself away from you but I should've just told you." I sat up and he followed. Him being him, he never spoke much, but he was a great listener.

"I just needed to find myself, and love myself before I could love you again. I didn't even know who I was, so how could I have even think about another person at that time. But you needed me the most, I was supposed to be there and I'm so sorry I wasn't."

He suddenly hugged me, his arms tightening around my body and I was taken back from the hug. "I get it . . I understand. I don't blame you for doing what you needed to do."

His arms around gave me a place of security in a time where I needed most, and when the tightness came and went when he talked I realized how afraid he was, and how vulnerable he was becoming.

"I wish you talked to me about this . . about everything." He muttered, my hand rubbing the length of his leg.

"I know. I was just so afraid of what you'd say."

He unlatched himself from me and cupped my face with both hands, squishing my cheeks together till I swatted his hands away in annoyance."I may be a dumb egg, and a donkey most of the time, but I'm better at understanding you than I was before. It just took a lot of time, a lot of you hitting me and yelling at me, but I'm getting there." He said with a grin. Happy bear.

I patted his leg and kissed his cheek, getting up to microwave my dinner he made for me. "You can really make yourself lovable sometimes, my little bear."

He trailed behind me and wrapped himself around me, waddling around the kitchen as I went to do my things. "It's what I'm here for honestly. A walking stuffed animal you talk to and cuddle at night. What more can you ask for?" I nodded in agreement.

In the midst of me poking the microwave buttons, I turned around and sat up on the counter, letting him slot himself in between me. "A pink car. I'd ask for a pink car from you." I smiled, pressing my lips against his but never giving him the kiss he wanted.

He pulled back with the most fed up face I've ever seen him pull off. "Anything but that. I truly believe that colour is hideous on a sports car."

"I like pink."

"Yeah . . the whole world knows Fany."

I smiled. I want the whole world to know how gentle you are to me, Taeyeon.

When we were in the middle of the kitchen just silently rocking back and forth holding each other, he cleared his throat and his lips trembled. "Tell me . . about Hyung?" He said so quietly, I almost had to ask him to repeat it, but I caught the part of Hyung.

I felt myself sink further into another hole or backed up in another corner. I didn't want to tell him, not if it'll pain him.

"Did anyone tell you about him, have you heard anything at all?"

"No, I didn't pry. I didn't have anyone to ask." He said quietly. I felt so bad, I should've told him.

"Can you promise me . . you'll stay with me when I tell you?"

"Of course I'll stay with you I'm not going anywhere Fany, what are you talking about?"

"No, Taeyeon. I didn't mean physically here . . I'm talking about keeping yourself in check, your mind straight and to me."

He nodded unsure. "What?"

I pulled him away from the counter and sat him back down on the carpet, making Prince and Princess come over to us. The little balls of fluff cuddled around him and he petted them and I sighed. "I don't know how else to tell you in a better way, Taetae. . he is Noir."

I felt him tense and I didn't want to see him so upset over it. No one told him, it was only me who knew.

"After Jonghyun 'passed' away he got upset with you, he too questioned what happened and when you couldn't answer he lost it. His mom soon became ill. It started going downhill from there, and everything Noir did was him. If you pieced it all together, it made sense. It was to get back at you."

"That isn't even the worst part Taetae. . he said he liked me for a very long time. All those things he's planned for you to do or the things he has done was to break us apart. He didn't understand what made you so in love with me. He wanted that . . then it started to develop into a full blown obsession stemming from a crush. He kept repeating the fact that he could treat me better than you could. He wanted to prove it to me Taetae." I looked up nervously ate him, holding onto his hand but he sat there intently listening. It was worrisome that he didn't react, but I could feel that I was losing him a bit.

"He said he could give me what I wanted, but-but I tried so hard not to think about it but the more I did when I saw you and Heechul fighting with knives. . you were taken in by the police and out of my sight. I wanted normal. I-I don't know if it's because of that I avoided you so i wouldn't suddenly leave you . . but."

I heard him start to breathe more rapidly, his eyes were a it more glazy and those were the worst types of angry.

Knowing Taeyeon, he would've stormed out this room right now and I wouldn't hear from him for hours. He'd probably go on an intense drinking binge, get violent with others and completely ignore me.

If I can just. . keep him here with me then he can be at peace more easily.

I kissed his jaw, my hand rubbing his chest and down to his abs to coax him. I felt his increased breathing. I ran my hand down his arm to his white clenching fist, opening it to slide my hand in.

He held it gently, like I was delicate and I smiled kissing his neck.

"Baby, calm. It's okay, we're here now. You're with me, it's okay. I'm safe with you."

"Fany. ."

"Taetae." His hands were already trembling but I placed them on either side of my legs. "I just don't understand how he can change into someone I don't know . ."

I hummed. I kept rubbing the back of his head moving onto his precious dumbo ear knowing it'll calm him down.

"Fany . . I grew up with him. Fany-ah, he's like my brother. He is family." His voice fell quiet. My strokes became a bit more frequent, desperate to console his wavering self.

"His favourite colour is red. . he likes stabbing sushi with one chopstick, the guy liked to watch cartoons on a Sunday morning with his sailor moon undies. Hell, he's the biggest fanboy of Frozen." He shook his head, and I heard him sniffle.

"I don't know what to feel about him. Tell me how to feel about him." He pleaded.

"Forgive, but not forget."

"I cant forgive him for what he did to you . . there's no way."

"But can you move on from that if you don't? Forgive him, so you can move on and remember all the good things about him. You won't have to battle with yourself anymore, trust me?"

He stayed quiet for awhile, playing with my fingers and spinning the promise ring he gave me. I didn't know what else to say.

"Can we just go to bed?"

"You want to sleep?"

"Yeah."

I couldn't say no to little bear, not when he asks of me for such little things.

I held his hand and brought him upstairs, forgetting about the cold rice dish in the microwave and crackling fireplace that would soon burn out.

He crawled into bed and pulled the blanket up, inviting me to join and I did, without hesitation.

The vulnerability he showed when he looked his arms around my waist gently and carefully made me wonder just how lonely he was.

Throughout the night I rubbed his back, hearing his soft snores fill the quiet room. I loved him, and I want to be here for him when he needs me.

Like right now, as I should've been months ago.

My favourite sight was seeing him get up in the middle of the night drowsy and with his hair sticking out in places from rolling his head around the bed from sleeping. He lifted himself off of me and grumbled, scratching his back and heading into the bathroom but not before running into the door frame and cursing at it.

I flipped the page of my book, getting so close to the romantic love scene I was about to read. Maybe I should make my own with Taeyeon . . right now.

I heard thumping coming from the bathroom and the instincts in me told me to get up.

I placed my book down and treaded carefully to the bathroom, stepping over Prince and Princess and knocked on the bathroom door twice. "Taetae, is everything okay?"

I heard more stumble and the sounds of maybe bottles falling off the stand. I touched the doorknob and pulled it down but it was locked. "Taeyeon?"

The doorknob rattled and it sounded like it got smacked, it shook and shook and then it clicked before it stopped moving.

Please be okay.

I opened the door and pushed gently, afraid that maybe he's right behind it.

"Taeyeon?" He grasped the bathroom counter but let go and jerked his hand, falling backwards onto the floor and I wish I was strong enough and fast enough to catch him.

"F-Fany. ." He has a hand on his chest, his shirt was half ripped and he looked so pale. He kept panting and I knew what he meant:

I quickly sat down beside him but he used all his strength to push himself up and lay on my lap. He fumbled with my hand before squeezing it hard.

"It hurts . . it hurts so much. ." He choked out, barely.

He started gasping and his chest lurched out, he had trouble opening his mouth and ended up breathing through his gritted teeth.

"D-Don't go. . d-don't leave m-me." He choked out.

I quickly grabbed the pill bottle reading the label that was prescribed to him for chronic chest pains. I pried open his mouth with my finger, popping one in and feeding him some water. The liquid went dripped the side of his moth and wet his shirt.

"It's okay, just breathe Taetae." I kept stroking his head on my lap, staring at his trembling lips.

"I-I love you. ." He managed to say and I hummed, waiting for his medicine to kick in and calm him down.

Within moments he relaxed in my lap, mouth agape as his chest started to heave.

I stroked his head, cooing at him to help him calm down. My other hand patted his chest, hoping he'll be okay.

"Shh, Shh Taeyeon-ah. You're fine, it's okay."

He caresses my hand with a lazy finger and lolled his head to the side, I had my other hand rubbing his chest in small circles.

"Sleep little bear, I'm not going anywhere."

He stared at a blank wall for a couple of minutes before dozing off to my pats to his head.

I didn't mind that I stayed on the floor for a couple of hours just holding him as he slept.

It was just hours of me stroking his head, watching him as he slept too.

He slept like a rock, like a big baby.

When he woke up he had a deep frown, hiding the side of his face in my palm as I continued to stroke his head. "Hi Bear. . . How are you feeling?"

He didn't say anything but cuddled closer to me, turning around as he laid his belly flat on the ground, head in my lap and hands.

" Don't go." He mumbled, kissing my palm.

"I haven't left your side for 4 hours."

"You stayed here?

"Mhm. I couldn't just pick you up and put you on the bed, you're too fat and big."

He chuckled and shook his head, stretching his back and cracking his joints. He sat up slowly and tried getting up. I helped him stand up and guided him to bed, setting him in first before I did and as soon as I did I cuddled close to him before he was out for the night again.

I guess the motherly side of me needed to stay awake a bit longer just to observe him, to make sure he was okay so I could have some reassurance.

Tonight we had awaken once already, and he fell asleep twice. I too was getting drowsy from all that commotion, it was just about to become 3 AM.

When the drowsiness kicked in, I cradled his head closer to me, afraid something will happen to him if I don't keep him close.

But just like the first time, I felt the warmth absent again and I opened my eyes, squinting at the dark figure in front of me with his head down. It hasn't been an hour or so, and here we were again.

"Taeyeon-ah, what's wrong? Why aren't you sleeping." I mumbled drowsily, rubbing my eye and reaching out to him.

I touched his back with my fingertips but when he didn't respond I sat up and back hugged him lazily. My ear was pressed against his taut back and that's when I heard the rumbles of his chest.

"T-Taeyeon?"

"Did I scare you?" He breathed out shakily, his hands in his hair.

"Scare me?"

"When I just fell like that . . did I scare you?"

I pulled back and stared at his lonesome back. "Of course. I hate seeing you in pain." I whispered.

"The only thing that ran in my mind when you held me like that was how I could potentially lose a lot of time with you, and I don't want that to happen." He whispered back. I saw how his hand went to grab the sheets and pull them off the corner of the bed.

At that moment I just needed to be close to him, to let him know that I was here. This time, I'll be here. I rubbed his back, resting my chin on his shoulder. "We have all the time in the world."

He shook his head. "It's always never enough. I want to do everything with you."

"We can. There's no need to rush."

"Hm."

"I don't mind if we sleep a day away, as long as you're beside me it's okay." I mumbled, resting my palm against his hand.

He had a disapproving look on his face, like my idea wasn't enough. "We can do that when we're old and wrinkly but for now I want to do like sky diving with you or some bat shit crazy shit like that. Let's go raise a couple of cows, run around the world like I've said."

"Did you really mean that? The talk about going country to country. . backpacking across the continent?"

"I want a break, just with you. I'm tired, I want to see you for the entire day, for awhile." He said it like he really wanted to do it, it almost sounded like a plea.

I kissed his shoulder and got up, turning on a single night lamp and walked into the closet. I came out plopping an empty duffel bag in front of me kicking it towards him.

"I want that 2 days of bliss with you. I want to do it now."

He looked a bit startled. "Now?"

"You seem upset and stressed out, I think as much as you hate seeing me like that, I can say the same for you. We need this."

He can't sleep peacefully, not with the pain in his chest, and not with the war he's having with himself about us.

He broke out into a smile and got up, walking towards me to lay a gentle kiss on my forehead. "Promise me . . it'll be happy." He said, hands on my waist, my ear right against his thumping chest.

I nodded, slipping my hand into his gentle one.

I followed him around as he got things ready, filling bags and checking coolers. "Taeyeon, the police don't know you're . . free right?"

"No,'not yet. Jonghyun's got it taken care of for now and as far as I know it's going smoothly."

"They're keeping an eye out for me too you know, so if they know you're out of prison they'll come to me." I told him, because I was worried.

"Jonghyun took care of that too Fany, it's not hard bribing low ranking duty cops. You're a kindergarten teacher you're not really a high priority to keep an eye on."

"You were convicted and found guilty of so many things Taeyeon, you're like Americas most wanted."

He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "I didn't do anything that bad. Most of it had to do with money, funding crimes and all that jazz. But yeah, I guess you're right."

"I just don't want them to take you away again." I mumbled, getting slightly upset.

He noticed and just smiled sitting down and patting my leg. "Remember what I said about checking off your bucket list."

"Do you really mean it?" He nodded.

"We can do it now, after the cabin trip."

"I'm not ready to say goodbye to everything and everyone, Taeyeon I don't know." It sounded good then, but I'm scared.

"Do you trust me?" He said softly.

I nodded.

"Then don't worry, it'll work out eventually." He patted my arm and walked around me, sliding the coolers and bags to the front of the door and that's when it really hit me.

When we go, it'll be just us two. Away from everyone and everything, and it made me excited.

"Ready?" He asked, interrupting my thoughts.

I shrugged. I guess I'm ready.

I slipped on a pair of shoes and followed him Outside, but not before locking the front doors. It seemed like I was leaving this place forever, but I wouldn't be. It would only be two days, but it felt somewhat good?

I stopped in my tracks at the car I've never seen in my life before. "Is this . . our car?"

"Yup."

"Is this . . a luxury SUV?"

"Yup."

"How did you afford this."

"Jonghyun." He said cooly stroking the side of the vehicle like it was his own child.

"It's so ugly and bulky, and fat."

"Excuse you!" He started going off about it's strength, all it's award winning safety features and how if he really wanted to he could even make this car fly.

I sat on the curb watching him fill the trunk with our items and he stuck his tongue out at me. "Lazy pig, watching King Taeyeon do all the work."

"Shut up loser, you still sleep with bear undies and a stuffed skeleton." I shot back, I wasn't gonna let anyone bring me down.

"Do not trash talk Jack Skellington. You're not any better you fucking monkey George hugging, night light, pink pyjamas freak." He spat, strutting his backside like a fierce cougar.

I ran up to him and he shrieked, getting into the car and I got into the passengers. We looked at each other questioning what the fuck we were just about to do.

A spur of the moment vacation, where it just happened and we're just going with it.

It didn't matter when we turned the A/C on and slid clear the moon roof and had our radio bumping to 90 boy bands songs.

"Drive slowly, there's a group of old ladies going on a road trip." I managed to say with a mouth full of beef jerky.

"Fuck them, look at their slow asses pressing the pedal for a whopping 20km/hr. Jesus fucking christ my own grandmother can bike faster than that." He started honking at then mercilessly and I was so embarrassed.

"The speed limits 30 Taetae."

"There's no one here!" He threw his hands up before honking the horn repeatedly. He swerved to the left and then back onto our lane after speeding up. I cocked a brow and smacked his arm.

"You could've scared the old ladies!"

"They can kiss my pretty smooth ass with their wrinkly lips."

I scoffed. "If I was old and wrinkly, would you let me?"

"Let you kiss my ass with your wrinkly lips? Fuck yeah, baby you can kiss me any day, any time, and any age babycakes." He boasted quite happily and I stuck a few beef jerky pieces in his mouth to shut him up.

I turned the radio up and looked out the window, pressing my head against the glass pane just watching the countryside pass by me in a flash. The slow country song playing wasn't really my style, but it fit the scene of the setting sun. The air was warm too, and knowing I'm right beside my lover made it all the better.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked, his hands lacing with mine. I looked over and glanced at our clasped hands, he had a grin on his face and I loved the look on him.

"You."

"As always."

"Get your head out of your ass. I can't even say one nice thing about you before you ruin it."

He chuckled and flicked my head, and boy I was going to drive us into a ditch and push him out of the car to beat his ass.

Laughter? A smile. We had that in the small proximity of the car and the atmosphere oozed innocent happiness. I felt it, it felt nice.

Whatever we did it caused time to zip by because when we approached the small wooden cabin in literally the most remote place I've ever been in. It didn't help that the path we took to get here wasn't even a paved road, I thought we'd crash into trees and drive off a cliff.

"They repossessed everything from you except this . . they couldn't find it could they?" I mumbled.

"You're absolutely right."

I watched the windshield become drenched in water, the rain coming down like it was hail. Pitter patter.

Tae didn't seem affected, but I thought the rain could limit all the things we could've done. But the thought of sitting in front of the fireplace was a good idea.

When we parked the car a good ways from the cabin I looked at Tae confused. "Why did we stop here . ."

"We can't go further it's all muddy and I doubt I can back this car out of here without it getting stuck."

"How are we supposed to go then. ."

"Magic."

He shut the car off and opened the door, running out and screaming as he went to the back trunk and popped it open. Like a speedy little mouse he sprinted back and forth through the wet trail transporting all our stuff from the car to the door of the place in record speed.

I sat in the car all dry and warm and expected him to get me too.

I wasn't really paying attention but when he smacked the windshield and popped up on the side I shrieked. "Fucking piglet is sitting there watching King Taeyeon unload." He stuck his tongue out before zipping by me and went into the back, fetching some of our last things.

He opened my door and he was drenched from head to toe. My hand mindlessly did its own thing and went up to slick his wet hair back, finding his forehead a bit cute.

He took my hand a kissed it quickly, unbuckling my seat belt and yanking me out and setting me on my feet.

My first instinct of course was to run, it was so wet and I refuse to get as wet as him.

He pulled me to a stop in the middle of the path and I was about to yell at him for all I was worth.

"Taeyeon-"

"You have to promise me. . remember? 2 days of bliss." He said in all seriousness, not caring if he got wet, or if I got wet.

"Okay! Okay!" I tried to take off but he pulled me back again and oh my god.

"Seriously."

"Okay! I promise and if I don't you can rob me of all my lipsticks!"

We ran from the car to the entrance of the wooden cabin, it wasn't that far but it was enough to soak us from head to toe.

I held his hand tighter as he slid the key in the lock and opened the door, I shivered when I went inside because for one it was colder inside that out, and it was dark.

Taeyeon pulled me along the foyer and I heard a loud clang. The lights lit up and I heard the hums of the heater generate. Tae has his hand on the biggest lever I've ever seen and he blinked at me twice.

Before I could even speak he pulled me closer to him till I was pressed up against his chest, I had no idea why but I tip toed and bonked foreheads with him, my hand gravitating to the shirt clinging on his upper body.

"You're so cute."

"I know."

"Pfft."

He kissed my nose and pulled at my hand, I followed him around the cozy shack till we landed stood in the middle of the living room.

He let go of my hand but my fingertips felt like hanging on, I didn't want him to leave so fast.

The big guy walked around the place picking up logs, stacking them up in the brick fireplace. He threw a match in and he looked so hot just kennelling in front of it.

I turned around and quietly stepped to the small leather couch where our bags were. I unzipped the big sports black one and dug around.

A giant hoodie and sweatpants. Perfect.

I looked behind me and there he sat, on the floor with his hands propping himself up behind his back eyeing my backside up like I wasn't noticing. "Wooow."

I took my wet shirt off and flung it at his face, the loud 'smack' sound got him shakin up. He frowned at first, peeling the shirt off and squinting at it before looking up at me with a cheeky smile.

"Like what you see?"

He nodded eagerly, sitting up straighter.

I undressed in front of him slowly, and teasingly, looking behind me to see him watching me. I wiped my body dry with the towel in his bag. . then I quickly slipped on his hoodie and sweatpants and called it a day, throwing the towel at him.

"Your turn to change."

He sat up in shock, absolutely flustered, upset and confused. "B-But. . I thought . . " He put on his best sad face. I waved him off and shrugged.

"Yo-You can't just do that to me." He said. I thought he was going to cry but I shrugged once more and looked through the window of the cabin.

He grunted and stomped exaggeratedly, digging around his bag and when I heard him zip and unzip it he came back to me and hugged me from behind.

"This is mine and this is mine." He mumbled as he plucked at the clothes.

"Yeah . . it's comfy. I don't care I'm not taking it off, you're not taking it off me so you have to live with it."

"I don't have any more warm clothes." He whines.

"Then you should've packed some."

"How am I supposed to know it was going to rain Fany?"

"You don't. If you're that butthurt about it you can always wear my clothes."

"What?!" T-That doesn't make sense. . . no Fany. . I can't fit."

I pinched his cheek and went it my own luggage, unzipping it and pulling out another pair of his sweatpants and a hoodie.

"Why are my things in your bag!"He shouted, absolutely baffled.

"Uh, I packed them for myself." I handed his clothes to him and he stared at it in his hand still stunned.

"So that's where all my clothes go?! In your closet?!"

"I can't help it, they're comfy and they smell like you. What more do you want." If you're going to date me, one of the rules you'll have to live with his accepting the fact that I will take your clothes.

I watched as he undressed, some water drops were still lingering on his back and the orange flame form our crappy fire made it seem so dreamy.

I watched his shapely back, his toned broad back, but when he turned he covered his nipples with his hands. "Fucking pervert." He hissed and I whined at my pretty sight, protesting.

"Hey!" I threw a sock at him and he flung it back at me with such force I didn't think I'd get almost get whiplash from his ducky patterned socks.

He slipped on his shirt and tackled me to the floor, placing a hand on the back of my head to make sure I didn't throw my head back and dent it. I couldn't even yelp and scold him from how close he's gotten to me.

"Hi." He grinned.

"I'm going to kick you in the fire and watch your butt cook."

"That'll be some toasty buns." He said with a wink and honestly, I've given up on him. I pushed him off me and let him lay there as he whined.

I dug around the cupboards and found some hot chocolate mix, Taetae never really liked cloyingly sweet drinks so I made him a cup of coffee.

I sat down and placed the cup beside him, he lifted his head up from the floor and onto my lap, laying on his side as he stirred the spoon in the mug.

He soon sat up and chucked a piece of wood in the fire.

Well, I let my legs do the work and I soon found myself clinging onto him, my drink long forgotten and he found it amusing to the point where he lifted his shirt up and over my head to trap me in his warm chest where I happened to just lay on.

"Koala. ."

"Stupid tree." I hissed.

"I'm a sexy tree." He said proudly and I popped up from his shirt and bit his shoulder.

"I see you're a biter. That's kinky-" I pinched his lips closed and gave him a death glare. He only ever gave me a cheeky smile while I turned around and sat in between his legs and poked at the roaring fire in front of us with a stick.

"Okay what if I accidentally got this stick on fire and threw it at the wall? Would the entire cabin burn down?" I waved my little stick in front of me and wondered.

"Fany, you're asking questions I would typically ask. And most of the time those are very very stupid questions." I shrugged and before I knew it he grabbed my stick and I whined, patting his leg back for it.

"It's a hazard around you, my little clumsy pig."

"Who you calling clumsy . ." I spat, trying to reach the stick he had above my head and out of my reach.

"You."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not!"

"Are too."

Just before I was going to kill him, he pulled a bag of marshmallows close to us and stuck a few on the stick, and some gummy worms too.

"Gummy worms? Ew Taetae."

"Just try it. It's good trust me." He places it near the fire as I watched the treats slowly melt and deform into a gooey sweet mess.

He then blew on it, cooling it down before handing me the stick. He waited for my reaction as I ate the sticky gummy worm and when I squealed he seemed so happy about himself.

"It's good isn't it?"

"Ywah." I mumbled through my puffed of cheeks, grabbing a fistful of gummy worms and trying to put them all on at once.

I don't know what we did afterwards, we had mindless talks and quiet time between the two of us.

I caught him looking at me with lovingly eyes and it was at this moment I got my wish I wanted back at the abandoned lodge; peace and quiet, just the two of us together and close.

I knew he was getting closer to me. I heard his shuffle and then he sat behind me, his fingers touch my hair, till it got pulled back gently.

I stayed still, not questioning it in one bit because . . I trusted him. The occasional brushed on my head was relaxing and when he tucked a strand of hair behind my hair and pressed a quick kiss on my temple I wish I had a mirror to see every move he made.

I thought it was cute, the way he just out of the blue did my hair. "Fany? Is it too tight?" He asked, tugging on the back of my pony tail gently.

I looked at the glass pane to my left and looked at his little tongue sticking out of his mouth, concentrating so hard and I smiled at him doing my hair. He took a silk red ribbon and tied it with such care, pulling the ends as cautiously as he good. He was always a perfectionist, my little bear.

"My little modern red riding hood . ."

"And who are you supposed to be?" I joked, poking him in the leg.

"The old grandma or the big fluffy wolf."

I shook my head.

"I've always liked the half up and half down hairstyle on you. Especially with the a ribbon, or a bow thingy." He mumbled quietly, combing his finger tips through the ends of my hair.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Uh, is it okay? It's not too tight right? I don't know if I did it right, but it seems okay to me. You look cute."

I giggled and nodded. "You did great Taetae." I patted his extended thigh and he gave me a thumbs up.

"Cool, guess all the YouTube tutorials paid off."

"Do you learn everything from YouTube?"

"Google too."

"What inspired you?" I asked, turning around to face the bear.

"Honestly?"

"Yes."

He shrugged. "Sitting in jail with nothing to do taught me. I had a picture of us in my wallet but I took it out before they confiscated it. It was the only picture I had of you, so I taped the small photo on the railing of my headboard of my bunk bead."

"Naturally I missed you the more I looked at it and then I guess that hairstyle stuck with me and somehow somewhere my brain just . . did magic witch voodoo sorcery shit." I laughed and he did too, smacking his forehead for his seemingly 'dumb' explanation.

"I've always liked it on you, just never told you." He muttered, getting all shy.

I leaned forward and kissed his cheek, rubbing his big fat ears before trailing my kisses down to his lips.

He pulled me back just a bit and eyed the clock, clearing his throat. "It's only 7, let's go out. We cant waste that much time."

So much for trying to kiss him.

"Did it stop raining?" He shrugged and held up a jacket for me, dangling i in his hold and I shuffled to him. With his warm and gentle hands he slipped it on for me, patting my back when he thought it looked just right.

With our feet crunching on the gravel path just up the hill, he stopped and squatted down. I kicked his butt for the fun of it but walked around him in circles for my own amusement.

"What are you doing?"

"Express ride, hop on." He wiggled his fat ass and turned his head back to convince me.

"Why? I have two capable legs that can walk me where I please."

He snorted and clicked his tongue. "You're going to complain about the hill and beg me to take you home. I'm doing this for your sake, now shush yourself and get on before I run off and leave you behind."

"I dare you. Do it Kim, you wouldn't dare." I hissed, slapping his shoulder.

He sighed exaggeratedly. "Oh how I wish Ms. Hwang. Oh how I really wish I did have the balls to do it." He patted his back again and I guess there was no more room for bickering.

I climbed onto his back and rested my cheek on the back of his shoulder, feeling him stand up and hold me securely to him. If I fell, I'd murder him.

At that moment of hearing his breath and feeling myself mold onto his back, I told myself I couldn't think of bad things. But I couldn't stop myself. Not when he carried me through wind and rain with me on his back on that crappy night where I got shot, he travelled so far and for so long. I couldn't imagine how he felt, wondering if he blames himself. He struggled that night and it was because of me.

"Fany-ah. ."

"Hm?"

"Happy thoughts only, remember?"

He carried me on his back as we make our way up the steep trail. How he didn't manage to drop me was beyond me but I was the only reason why I didn't throw a fit or give up 5 meters up the trail.

I entertained him throughout the walk, refusing him to let him nag but I doubt he will. No negativity for the next two days, and that included complaining.

"Taetae, you have good looking ears." I bit his ear, which I shouldn't have but . .

"Can we not talk about my insecurities like that. They're huge. I have dumbo ears." He grunted.

"Dumbo is cute. And you're kind of cute too. So are you ears."

"Stop making ears sound sexy because they're not."

"They're good looking though." I whined, biting on it gain and I must've almost crossed a line because he stomped on the ground and threatened to just drop me here.

Up the trail were various amounts of trees leading up to the trail, little logs and branches stuck out from the blanket of leaves and the crunching of rocks underneath his feet echoed in the forest. The darkness of the night didn't help either, made it all spooky and eerie. It didn't light up the path he was going and I was afraid we'd tumble and fall.

I tightened my hold on his neck tighter, kissing the back of it every so often. I hummed a little tune in my shoulder, just for his enjoyment.

"You okay?" He asked as we were half way there. He took a glance of his shoulder only to see me as content as I could be, my head slightly bobbing up and down with every step he took. He chuckled and I my face away from her only letting me see my pair of crescents he's always liked.

"Are you? If you're tired you can put me down. Considering how you're a little bit injured and sleep deprived, I'd think you would be dying on the inside right now."

He didn't say anything but quickened his pace and I couldn't make out what he was feeling.

"Taetae? Are you okay? Why are you going so fast." I tense up as I grasp his shoulder and sit up.

I thought I was going to fall off his back form how fast we were going but when he stopped and I slid down his back, he held me close, cradling my head against his chest. "You're so precious to me."

"Taeyeon? Why are you like this." I managed to mumble from the tight hold he had on me. I pushed on his abdomen to separate us but he only merely chuckled and planted a wet kiss on my forehead.

"I don't know, but when you care about me I just kind of lose it. It's a little thing . . but it makes me feel all sorts of things." Before I could even respond to that he held my hand and cleared the thicket of branches and bushes, making me go first and when I did I stopped at the clear down view of the lake.

In the distance the old swing made me feel so giddy. I had a playful look in my eyes as I stared back at his too playful pair. I wanted to run to it, but he held me back. He grinned like a fool."I wanna hold hands with a pretty girl like you or awhile, is that okay?"

"No." I blurted out.

He deadpanned and I shook my head, pointing at the swing. When he just blinked and looked at me with the most serious face he could pull of, I held his hand much to his delight. "If you wanted to hold hands with me so much, you could've just asked. Gosh."

". . . You're really something Fany."

"Something special." I boasted, winking at him and he bursted out laughing.

He held my hand more firmly, but the gentleness never went away. He swung it lightly, I looked up at him and somehow he looked younger. Maybe it was because he looked happy, he was smiling too.

My eyes were set out on the lone wooden swing hanging by fibre ropes on the thickest tree branch I've seen in my entire life. I pulled Taeyeon along and I heard him tell me to be careful, but I couldn't contain my excitement. I let go of his hand and when I touched the wooden plank I turned around. I felt my lips tug up into a smile and he shook his head.

I sat my butt on the seat and I felt hands on my back, his face suddenly became so close to me ti was borderline creepy. "Hang on tight, I don't want a flying piglet soaring across the sky. Your mom would kill me."

"Mom loves you." I know she'd love you, because you took care of me.

"She'd kill me if she found out how many times I inappropriately touch her beloved daughter's ass everyday."

I snorted.

He started to push me and I got higher and higher my mind wandering to that one day when we were starting to date early on. It was the first time he pushed me on a swing, and the time we had such an emo sleepover. Weird how we came so far.

"Taeyeon?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember?"

I turned around slightly to see him put on his hard thinking face. He shook his head.

"Clammy Taeyeonie. . "

"Wait I remember now. Fuck you. Like I said before, I'm just kind of freaking out from a pretty girl like you."

This happiness right now, felt like it would last forever. I wanted it more, I wanted it for as long as I can have it and I don't want these 2 days to go by. After that, I didn't know what we would do next.

"Fany?"

"Fany . ."

"Hm?"

He stopped the swing and stood in front of me. Shaking his head. "Don't, our time isn't over yet. Let's enjoy it, okay?" He knew, little bear knew. He read me like an open book, he knew exactly.

I didn't say much but I guess he understood and instead gestured his hand out and I took it.

Where we went? Didn't know, I followed his strong back and went down the hill. The calm sound of the water washing back gently got louder and louder and when I stopped my feet at the edge of the lip of the lake, I glanced at the floating wooden canoe.

I guess I stared too long because Taeyeon was already on it, he looked up with a gentle smile.

"Come, night time canoeing." He held his hand out and the canoe bobbed in the water, my fingers touch his palm before it got enveloped in his hold. He hoisted me a bit up and I stepped in the small wooden boat thingy.

He sat across from me, facing me as he held one of the paddles. I guess the clingy side of me took over because I stood up and sat in between his legs, taking him by surprise as I felt him mold his back against mine.

"Hm?"

"You're warm." I wasn't lying, he was warm but it wasn't the reason I moved.

"Ah." He dipped the paddle in the water, the sound of water splashing in a rhythmic motion almost putting me to sleep. I closed my eyes but jerked up slightly when I slouched too far in Taeyeon's lap, my head hitting his moving arm.

I heard his chuckle ripple through his chest and I sighed. "You can sleep if you're tired." I shook my head no and sat back up just a bit, underneath his chin. Something about his big toned arms on either side of me, and me sitting right in between his shapely legs screamed comfort, or maybe home? Safe . . I liked it, I liked him.

He rowed us farther from shore as we went further into the middle of the lake and soon when the paddle stopped hitting the water, we stayed quiet and still enough for the ambience of the slight sounds of grasshoppers I looked up.

He had his eyes on something else but I had my eyes on him, I went up to quickly give him a kiss on his chin or jaw but it didn't matter because he looked down just as I was about to kiss him. Guess he had the same idea as me. Stupid egg, he had a sheepish grin when I pulled back from our unplanned kiss.

"It wasn't planned, I swear." He defends.

"Mhm."

He opened my palm and placed a firm square in my hand that I knew too well. I opened my palm and picked up the heavy coined square blue paper, my lips growing into a smile.

"Day 88?" He said in amusement.

"How'd you find the time to write this and fold it?"

"I have my ways." He then took my precious gift from me and put it into his pocket, saying he'll hold it for me for safe keeping because there's a 120% chance I'll drop it in the water.

Pfft.

Then I felt a thin soft fabric draped in front of me, his dress shirt.

I touched it and lifted it up, questioning it and it's duty. He cleared his throat and patted my leg. "I told you, if you got sick your mom would haunt me."

"Why would she do that?"

"Because your stupid fat ass refuses to drink medicine, or eat any of them. Unless it's like pink . . so that means you take heckin' long to get better. I say that's head smacking worthy from Mrs. Hwang." He grumbled, and from the side of the canoe I saw his reflection brushing his hair back so fashionably cool.

"Okay she might do that . ."

He nodded in agreement. I heard the trickling of water and looked to the side, seeing his fingers dipping in the water and playing with it, going back and forth.

"Are you uncomfortable?" I suddenly asked when it got too quiet, but it wasn't the awkward silence.

"With?"

"Our position, you're bending your legs a bit." I tapped his knee and sat up, wanting to maybe sit across from him just to be considerate.

He pulled me back immediately and he knew very well what I was thinking and didn't allow it. I think we've grown comfortable with each other to the point where we just know. "Yeah, too big for this boat but I'm okay. I like having you leaning on me, you're warm." I can just see the stupid cheeky smile.

"Shut up." I hissed, he only laughed and kissed the top of my head before sighing. He draped his arm in front of my tummy, and I pulled it away slightly to rest on the canoe's side.

"Ah! Fuck!" He yells and holds his right leg, grunting. I shook in my spot, startled at the piercing grunt of his.

"What? What's wrong Taeyeon-ah?!"

"My c-calf is cramping. Cramp cramp cramp, ow ow."

"Fany-ah! It actually fucking hurts please do your magical voodoo shit and massage me."

I kneaded his right plump calf and he sighed in content, sinking deep into his seat.

"To the left babe, yup that's it. Could you pinch it a bit? It's a little itchy."

He just had the audacity . .

"We has a really intimate moment, and then your calf just had to cramp out and ruin it."

"It was getting a bit too sappy for me so I had to put a stop to it somehow." He chuckled, like eh was proud of himself.

"You are so expressionless." I blurted out.

"Sorry?"

"I get so excited when you do simple things like hold my hand because you, Mr. 'I hate everything and everyone,' rarely show affection, I guess."

"I'll kill you a thousand times, and touch your ass a billion times in public if you're into public display of affection."

"I don't mean that type of . . you're such a brick. I meant like, when we're just together you know?" I muttered, and when I felt him nod I saw his smug smile in the reflection of the still water.

He laced his hands with mine and sighed, he slumped back in the arc of the canoe and relaxed. I crawled back up to him, wanting to get lost in his arms.

I snuggled close to his neck, feeling his warm skin and hearing his calm breathing. My fingers traced the big slash scar along his arm, feeling a bit weary looking at it. My thumb rubbed the scarred skin over and over again, not knowing what went so wrong to the point where he's always so hurt. I wasn't paying attention to anything till he moved his arm and wrapped it around my firmly.

"Don't think about that, okay?" His voice sounded a bit soft, but it was still stern. A little warning.

I remembered the promise I made to him before we came here and the least I could do was abide by it. "Okay."

I sat up and pushed his chest, he drowsily winked at me giving me his undivided attention. "Sometimes, I really think we're a miracle." I whispered.

"It was at one point it was us against the world."

"Yet we're here, together." I said in relief. He had a goofy smile at the end of my little confession, he pulled me and smushed my face into his chest. His gentle hand caressed my hair, dragging his fingertips through it.

"It'll be okay, we will be alright. I promise, at the end of all the horrible bat shit crazy shit, it's has to be rainbow unicorns and sunshine just like you."

"Me?"

"Woman, you're a walking ball of sunshine energy positive smiley unicorn rainbow puppies bouncy rabbits, happy things. It's weird, you contrast me in every way and technically you know since we're on different ends of the stick, we shouldn't really be 'compatible' but we are? I-I don't know . . it's just . . you bring a lot of goodness to the world you know?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and the sound of his stuttering and sometimes his pauses made me really think that he is sincere with his words.

"You're so strong, that is are admirable of you Miyoungie. Through all the things I've put you through and how you're still here at the end despite all of that. . I don't know how you do it, but I want it. I want what you have, I want someone in my life who can show me that and be by my side and you are. You do."

"You really mean all of that?" I said, my voice cracking and I just know by the end of this our little boat will sink into the water from all the ugly sobbing I'll do."

He chuckled. "With all the hairs on my head, yes, yes I do."

I nudged the side of his body and cracked a smile. "You sappy little bitch." I cooed, and he shrugged.

My mind wondered around us for the night. In a couple of years, where would we be? I wish for a normal. A norm where he comes home to me every night with a greeting of 'honey, I'm home.' A moment where we go on weekly dates and he surprises me with him coming home with a Christmas bonus, or a raise. Where we have a nice small family that I can come home to and say I love with everything I had.

I felt like, right now it was starting to become that and I couldn't have been happier. But I wanted to know what else made him happy besides being together. What is happiness to Taetae? The answer laid on the ring on my finger, glistening under the sharp moonlight and I patted our laced hands on my tummy.

Family.

My throat felt dry, but I wanted to say it. I needed to say it. "If I had your baby?" If I had another precious being that we made together, would it make you happy?

"W-What?" He sat straight up and I turned around, sitting across from his confused face.

"What if I had your baby?"

He had a serious face going on and he had trouble speaking, evident from the way he kept licking his lips and opening his mouth a jar but never saying a peep. "Are you carrying my baby?" He mumbled.

"If I was? If I am? Would you like me to?" I softly asked, a bit afraid. What if he didn't?

"Fany, are you pregnant?" He asked sternly, his facial expressions not changing one bit but his brows started to knit, eyes becoming more gentle.

The corners of my lips tugged upwards slowly, never breaking our contact.

You are everything I want in my ending, you may not be the perfect fairy tale I've always dreamt of, but it's enough.


	35. Cabin II

**Stephanie Hwang**

He leaned against me, our foreheads pressed together till he kept pushing me back with his forehead and made me have no choice but to fall back and lay down on the canoe from all the force he was exerting.

His hands were planted on either side of my head and he was so obnoxiously close to me that I couldn't help but laugh at him, but he was so serious. "Are you? Do you have my baby?" He said with a small whisper, his lips tugging upwards to a cute gentle smile.

I shook my head, much to his disappointment because he sighed and buried his face into my neck. "I want to though, giving you a family is something I want to do." I managed to say close to his ear, my fingers ran up and down the back of his head.

"Can I have our family now? Can this be my early birthday gift or Christmas gift?" He mumbled on my shoulder.

I laughed, patting his back. "Taeyeon."

"I'm just asking, I want to get a head start on things y'know." He chuckled and lifted his head up. "Let's have a little baby when you're ready, I can wait." His eyes were playful, but they seemed content.

He kissed my cheek before sitting up and sliding back to the end of the canoe, rowing us back to shore.

As soon as we docked he reached his hand out and I circled around the canoe and quickly taking his hand, clasping mine with his as we quickly walked back up to the cabin.

I was tired, and so was he. The only thing I wanted to do was just go to bed. I took off my clothes in front of the fireplace and dressed into something more comfortable and watched as Taeyeon pulled a small mattress out of the closet and set it in the living room in front of the fireplace.

He put on the bed sheets and blankets, throwing a pillow or two on it but I didn't find them necessary. I could sleep on the floor beside him and he'd still make himself a human bed for me.

I snuggled into the blankets and onto the bed, watching the dim fire in front of me flicker every once in a while and crackle. My hold on my stuffed monkey went tighter, catching a whiff of Taeyeon's scent I wanted to sleep.

I heard doors being locked, windows being shut and the cricket floor being noisy with every big step Taeyeon took but my eyes were threatening to close, and they did for a short while but when the bed dipped behind me and I felt a pair of warm hands wrap around my waist I sighed.

"Tired, baby?" He chuckled slightly. I couldn't tell if he said that out of loving affection, or if he said that because he wanted a baby. It didn't matter, I blindly patted his arm and buried my face into a pillow.

I hummed and I felt his front press against my back, feeling safer in an instant. He fixed the sheets for us and his fingers combed through my hair gently in comfort.

"Sleep well, okay?" He mumbled, kissing my cheek before he wrestled with the sheets for a bit and then settling down.

"I love you, my little one."

 _I love you too._

"Baby, wake up it's time to get up." Taeyeon shoves me gently.

I whined and turned my back against him, rolling to the end of the bed taking the covers with me too.

"Fany-ah, we're going to do a lot of things today, so get up please?" He shoved me further with his foot, I grunted and whined some more before patting the bed for a pillow and throwing it at him blindly.

I think I heard him growl but he grabbed me by the waist and flipped our position, making me lay on top of him. I shrieked and fought back, you could hear the rustling of sheets, and screaming in the room.

"Hello, piglet." He chuckled, and I could barely open my eyes, but when I did and saw a pair of lips coming my way I pinched them with my fingers, shoving him away from me and rolling off him.

I smothered my face in the pillow and pulled the covers up. "Get the fuck away from me." I hissed, whipping my hand on his arm giving it a loud smack.

"Adorable, now lets go we have places to be and people to terrorize." He yanks me up but I start to act like a rag doll letting him tug me everywhere.

I yelled a loud 'no' and fall back down on the bed."I'm going to murder every single seagull that likes to wake me up at the ungodly hour by squawking their asses off." I hissed, and he had a hand trailing down my back about to squeeze my ass but I whipped m arm again on his chest, hearing the loud thump and his little 'ow.'

"What did the seagulls do to you? You sadistic fuck." I ignored his jab and I honestly can't fight him. He hauled me onto his back and carried me to the direction of the bathroom. "Wow, you've gotten heavier, I told you to lay of those chicken nuggets."

"Excuse me? Say it again." I muttered, pushing myself up on his shoulder but he placed me on the counter and turned on the dinky little lamp in the bathroom. I squinted at him and looped my arms around his neck, leaning the side of my face on his shoulder. "Taetae . . I'm tired."

"But not tired enough to go exploring, come on please?"

"You're so fucking annoying in the morning! I hate how you're a morning person. Why do you wake up at a certain time and sleep at a certain time? I hate you!" Despite that, I tightened my arms around his neck and snuggled closer, he was pretty much right up the bathroom counter and I even wrapped my legs around his waist. He wasn't going anywhere and I wasn't either.

He sighed, and started to comb my hair and I closed my eyes. He turned the tap on and I heard clinks of cups and what not. He placed his slightly wet hands on both of my cheeks ad pulled me off his shoulder, sticking his tongue out at me while I struggled to adjust to the light of the bathroom.

He had a damp towel and placed it over my face and left it there, cackling to himself and he thought he was really funny till I kicked him in the groin. "Al-ow. Alright, alright. Sheesh." He washed my face and even brushed my teeth, I sat on the counter then feeling refreshed with my legs swinging.

He came back into the small bathroom with a set of clothes and I rose a brow, looking at his smug smile. "Since I'm pampering you and I'm practically a slave to you, I might as well dress you up too, no?"

"Hmm. Should I grant you this privilege?"

He nodded furiously. "Yes, I've been a good boy all year long."

"Have you?"

"A very good boy." He quipped, giving himself a pair of thumbs up.

"Hmm." I tapped my chin with a finger and he stood there seething, getting impatient by the second.

"Please Fany?" He whispered, jutting his lips out and I shrugged.

He took it as a yes this bear. Slowly, he unbuttoned my blouse and pulled it off me, looking straight up to my eyes and gulped when he realized I wasn't wearing undergarments.

"Uh. You have pretty eyes Fany." He muttered, still keeping his eyes comically at me. "You always told me to keep my eyes up here, so I am. See, I'm a good boy."

I choked out laughing as he slipped on a tee for me. He lobbed a sweater on top for me and even a cardigan. I didn't know where he got the good fashion sense from today, but it was pretty good.

He ruffled up my hair and was about to pick me back up but I ran in between his leg and squeezed through his grabby hands, running around the cabin finding a place to hide.

"Fany!" He yelled, I heard his loud stomps and I grabbed the bed sheets wanting to either hide underneath it or create some sort of rope to trip him with. Either way, the place was too small and he stared at me huffing and puffing. "Get, your ass. Back here."

"Yeah, no. I want to stay home." I reasoned.

"Too late." He vaulted over the couch and made a full on sprint form e and I screamed, running around in circles around the dining table and when he leaped over the table I went underneath the same table, crawling between the dining chairs.

I got back up and I found him om the floor tangled and stuck between chairs and I thought I could make a break for the door but I forgot. His biceps were the size of my legs. He had a throw of a thousand gorillas, he had a kick of 700 horses.

He launched a pillow at the back of my head pretty hard and making me stumble. I turned around to see him smiling sweetly, innocently and I couldn't get up as I laughed as his predator like state. "Get away form me, sit. Stay. turn around, play dead, bear stop moving! I didn't train you like this-" He started to crawl towards me and I backed up all the way into a cabinet, my back hitting it and one of the drawers fell out. "Oof." I mumbled, rubbing the back of my head.

He stopped and blinked. "You okay?"

I nodded and picked the small wooden drawer back up, scrambling to place all the contents back into it's container but a dingy, yellow stained piece of cardboard with thin neat writing didn't let me go further.

In the left hand corner his name was written across it.

I picked it up, my fingers touching the bent corners while the loose drawer slipped on my lap. I touched the back of the beat up wood, feeling the sticky residue and noticing it on the card too.

"Was this taped on the back Taetae?" I showed him the card. He shrugged.

"Dunno." He scooted closer to me and sat beside me, his legs sticking out and leg hair poking mine.

I ran my hand through the pile of letters and small knick knacks om the floor but none of them were of importance. I flipped the card one more time, opting to sit on Taeyeon's lap. I felt his chin rest on top of my head as I read it out slowly.

 _Taeyeon,_

 _My little bear, I know this drawer meant a lot to the both of us, and if you do happen to destroy it with your small fists and stumble upon this, I want you to know that I'll only be gone for awhile._

 _Don't be upset when I'm gone, and don't be angry at your father. You have every right to, but I don't want you two to drift apart. He needs you, so take care of your old man? Can you keep this promise for me?_

 _Be good for me, I want to see your smile because you rarely do. I'm sorry I had to leave so early my bear, but there's nothing that I can do about it. I love you! ^-^_

 _P.S. Go to the apple tree and dig up the spot you used to pull clumps of grass from, I bet you the tree's trunk is bald now._

 _Love,_  
 _Mom_

He sighed, his hands loosely laying against my legs and I turned around to face him. Poor guy, he had tears pooing in his eyes and I wiped them away despite his head being hung so low.

"Are you okay?"

He shook his head. His hand went up to touch the corner of the drawer, stroking the side and peeling the chipped paint off. "I built this with mom before she passed away, she said I needed a drawer but she couldn't afford one so she built it for me." He took a deep breath before continuing.

"This cabin . . was ours. It was our home, this used to be my home for a good couple of years." Taeyeon's voice started to become even more shaky. I hugged him, knowing maybe that's probably the best way to comfort him.

"Taetae, she calls you little bear too, and told you to be good like how I always tell you." A pure coincidence?

"That's why every time you say that I can't help but feel so sad and all like . . weird because mom always said that to me and I don't know how to feel when it comes from you. I don't want to disappoint you and when I do i feel like I'm disappointing her too."

"Is that a bad thing?" I asked quietly, sitting back up to ruffle his hair just because.

"No! No no of course not, it's just makes me think about her. It's not bad! Trust me."

I laughed and nodded. "Okay, okay."

He sighed, his genuine smile wearing off. "If I had just walked into her room . . " He mumbled, burying his face into my shoulder. "If I just . . fucking if I had just stayed by her side when she was passing away in her room then she would've told me about this."

"You didn't?"

He shook his head. **"** I watched my mother become crowded by literally everyone on the face of earth. I was outside sitting on the chair because I was too afraid to go in. She called me to come in the room so she could say one last thing to me but I shook my head and sat there looking at my mother through the window as she took her last breath."

He swallowed hard and shut his eyes. "She just wanted to smile one more to me and touch me . . I felt so bad." He continued, I patted his leg and kissed his cheek.

"You were a tiny boy, it's not your fault."

"But at that age of like 8 or something I should've known better. I did know but I was so scared, I didn't know what death was. I didn't know someone could pass away."

The mood was too somber for our little trip here today, so I pulled him up. "We can make it up to her now, let's go find the apple tree Taetae."

"R-Right now?"He sniffled just a bit and I threw a tissue at him, like he used to do to me when he wanted to lighten the mood up.

"Yeah, why not?"

He broke out into a small tiny sad small but I saw it and it was good enough for me. He turned around and I hopped onto his back, feeling his smooth skin under my fingertips. The small cabin was warm throughout the entire space and every crevice.

He squatted down and wore his shoes before slipping on mine, his hands never left his back as he kept supporting me in my little piggy back ride. I love how he didn't question the decision of going out to find the place his mom asked him to go so long ago, we just went and did what we liked.

He had a hand n the doorknob, and stopped. "I learned my lesson already Fany, I'm not going to run away when it gets too hard. I already did that once and I have so many damn regrets. That'll be the last, okay? I promise." He said it while staring fiercely at the doorknob, he gulped and started to fidget when I said nothing.

I patted his head and stuck my pinky finger out, waiting for him to curl it with mine. He reached up and I heard that sigh he breathed out. With his little chubby big finger he hooked it with my small slender one, promising.

He opened the door and blew out the candle by the hall table, shutting it securely and stepping out onto the open. A little chilly for the morning as I instinctively snuggled closer to Taeyeon's shoulder. "She would've loved you. For someone who can be so caring to me like my mom had been to myself, she'd adore you. Miyoungie."

I smiled, lips tugging up against his warm skin. You always needed a little loving, my bear.

In the sea of multiple twins of maple trees, I spotted the one crooked apple tree dotted with red fruit. I patted Taeyeon's back and he turned his head around and nodded.

I held the letter gently in my hand because I didn't want to crumple up such a sentimental letter that Taeyeon should've known about years ago. Maybe it could've gave him closure, made him feel a bit better.

When I started to slid off his back I realized his arm were no longer supporting me, so I let myself get off. my feet touching the floor. My hold on his bicep never seized as he walked around the big tree trunk in a circle. I pulled him to a halt and he almost tripped, glaring at me when our eyes met.

"I found it you dumbo." I pointed at the seriously bald patch of dirt. It was missing . . a health patch of green grass. I figured after all these years he stripped it clean so bad that it never grew back.

He started laughing before plunking the shovel into the ground, shoving it deep into the earth but it didn't even take 1 stroke for us to hear the big clunk. He knelt down and started to dig on the surface.

I wasn't looking because a leaf had fallen on top of my head, and when I looked up instinctively and a stupid apple fell right on my nose and rebounded on top of Tae's head.

"Ow." "Owie." We both said in somewhat of a unison. I kicked the apple away and watched it roll down the hill while I cupped my throbbing nose. What the hell.

"Fany . . " He mumbled, I was still frowning but I knelt down hearing my voice before locking my eyes on the beat up wooden box. I thought it would've taken us an hour to dig, what if it wasn't there anymore? But it was.

He pulled on the metal padlock and couldn't seem to get it off, so he used the shovel as leverage to pry it off but it didn't work. I pushed him aside and he fell on his ass, grumbling as I took a large stone that could fit in my palm and started bashing he lock with it like a barbarian. Talk about the caveman era.

"Fany! No! Be careful! You're going to hurt yourself or hurt the box, and there's no way you're going to get that open if I can't! You hit like a flower-"

"Ta-da!" I held the broken lock in my fingers and his jaw dropped.

"I'm never questioning you ever again." He muttered, taking the lock and throwing it far into the patch of overgrown shrubs.

He squatted back down beside me and held the box, he opened it gently but before he did he pushed me and I fell flat on my ass. "Payback, and I want to see this myself before I show you. It could be something embarrassing."

I got back up and started walking around him in circles excited. "Baby photos?!"

"Honestly, it's a very motherly thing to do. I think it might be."

"I want to see! I want to see! Taetae!" I jumped around him and he sighed.

"Okay! Wait! Stay a foot away from me and close your pretty eyes woman, I have to inspect this first. For all we know it could be a giant stink bomb." He hid the wooden chest into his arms and swatted my hands away, making me sit far away.

"Your mom wouldn't do that."

"You can never be too sure Fany! Gosh!" He turned around and opened it before turning back to me with wide eyes. "Holy shit."

"What?! What!"

He couldn't say anything and I ran to him, but he closed the box and let me tackle his back. "Taetae!" I whined.

"Holy shit Fany."

"Is it baby photos?!"

He didn't say anything but seemed more freaked out by the second.

"Fany, I don't want to show you yet? If that's okay with you? I'm not comfortable, at least not now but I'll for sure show you later." He scratched the back of his head and smiled st me apologetically.

"Oh, okay." Obviously curiosity was killing me but he never asked such thing of me before so I didn't question it.

He held the box close to him and jumped up to pick the fruit off a tree, willing it on his shirt before laying down flat in the middle of the field.

I ran to him, sitting on him and he held the fruit up. "A pretty fruit, for a pretty lady." I was about to grab it but he put it in his mouth and took a bite out of it. He started munching on it obnoxiously and honestly, chivalry is dead. "I'm the pretty lady." He said through his eating.

"What a gentleman." I rolled my eyes and he shrugged not having a single care.

My eyes averted to the wooden box beside him that he cradled, but nonetheless he still had his other hand on my back.

"Wanna see a magic trick Fany?"

"Magic trick?"

He whistled a weird tune, it sounded like a fire alarm. Strangely, but he sat up and I held onto his shoulder, looking where he was looking.

The shrubs near us started to shake and then a fluffy tail popped out and i grabbed Taeyeon's hand. "Taeyeon. . If this is some sort of joke I'm going to-"

"Ricky!" He yelled, throwing the apple core at him.

The raccoon slowly crept out, and picked the apple core up, nibbling on it and I frowned. "Uh, ew? He's a little chubby."

"Don't say that about Ricky Raccoon! He's insecure!" I pinched Taeyeon's nose and made him sit up.

He had this smug smile on his face and I got off him not knowing what he wanted to do, I've experienced it way too much to know what that smile meant.

"Ricky Raccoon! Attack!" He roared out in a battle cry and I heard him run towards me, a quick look behind me and I saw the Raccoon sprint towards me too and I screamed, running back to the cabin.

"What are you, a Raccoon whisperer? When did you learn to take a fucking pet Raccoon?!" I yelled out of breath.

"It's a magic trick, I summon him whenever I Please." He hollered back and I knew he was catching up.

When I got to the cabin I slammed the door shut and I heard him thump against the door, the cabin shook and I thought it would fall over and break into a million pieces by the force of my fat bear.

"Ricky Raccoon, your duties are over for the day. Good work soldier!" He talks in that typical sergeant voice and I cracked opened the door to see him smile.

"Hi, pizza delivery for, Ms Hwang?" He tilts his head and says in a sing song voice.

"I didn't order pizza, and you don't even have pizza."

"Well, Fany. Are you craving pizza? Because I'll give you a pizz-a this dick." He cackles and snorts, clapping and patting himself on the back for that.

"You deserve to sleep outside for that dirty awful joke of yours." I closed the door and settled in the sofa, watching as he waited outside and tapped on all the windows.

It was funny since I had full vision of every window and door he popped up to every single one of them.

"Fany! I'm sorry! I know this is cheesy. . . but you're saucy!"

I choked. Oh my god he's bad. "Hmm, I should create a tinder profile." I said loudly, to no one.

"Hey! What?! No! Fany!"

I opened a window in the back and started walking in the bathroom. It wasn't long till he figured out which window was opened and made a grand entrance.

"There's no reception here so don't you even care think about setting up a tinder profile! You're mine Fany!" He shouted in the hall, his voice echoing.

I scoffed and turned the tap on, squeezing in an absurd amount of bubbles before taking off my clothes and slipping in.

He came to a screeching halt when he saw me neck deep in bubbles and stood there gawking.

"Oh."

I sat in the bathtub with bubbles up to my chin, a bit restless than relaxed. I splashed water at him and he did a little dance.

I had that feeling of wanting to be close to Tae. I didn't want to be far from him, not anymore. I have a longing for him and it's making me slightly anxious.

He left and came in with a wine bottle in hand and 2 glasses, smiling sweetly as he sat on the edge and placing it on the space beside me.

"Happy?"

I shook my head.

"What's wrong?"

"Can I tell you honestly?"

He blinked and nodded.

"I missed you." I whispered.

He took his glasses off and placed them on the counter. His back was turned to me and I watched as he started to strip.

He went in the water and slid behind me, his warm front pressing against my back and I sighed as I relaxed in his hold.

"Close enough?"

"I feel safe." I said honestly, holding his arm around my tummy. In the most intimate moments, I'd lend all of me to him for awhile.

I trusted him, vulnerable or not I still trusted him.

He hummed and wrapped his arm around my waist, the water moving at the motion.

I watched as he stretched his leg, poking his toes up and out of the sea of bubbles. "Look at my feetsies. They look like they're coated with whipped cream." He joked, wiggling his toes.

I giggled and scratched his chin, leaning against his neck.

I stopped laughing when I realized, it's been forever since he held me like this. "Taeyeon, what if they never let you see me again?"

"Then I'd find a way to let myself see you."

"If _I_ never let you see me again?"

"Then I'd find a way to make you let me."

I rubbed his arm with my thumb, all that shitty feelings starting to rush back in despite trying to suppress it for two days.

"I almost ran away forever from you Taeyeon."

"I know, I could feel myself losing you." He rested his chin on my shoulder, kissing me there but I scootched slightly away from him in the small tub.

I know he must've been slightly hurt from the way I moved away from him, but it wasn't meant to be like that. I turned around and cupped his cheek, running my finger along his jawline. "I-I'm so sorry I made you feel that way." I whispered. His grip on my waist tightened and the sound of the water waved back and forth in the tub.

He shook his head and pulled me closer, our wet skins touching till we were centimetres apart. Our lips touched when he opened his mouth to say something, but he shook his head once more forgetting the words before kissing me.

Whatever I was starting to feel that was going to upset me went away. I only knew him right now because he was here with me at this moment.

I loved this about him. How he whisks me away in an instant, my worries could be pushed and shoved all the way in a corner and in the room I'd only feel him, touch him and see him. He made his presence so big that it always beaten down the crappy thoughts as he filled it with him.

"Don't . . Fany, don't think about it." He whispered, lips still lingering on mine. I nodded slightly and he cupped both of my cheeks, his soft pair dancing with mine.

Underneath all the bubbles, my hand was clasped with his. Submerged completely underwater, I held his tightly, never letting go as he showed me love.

Wrapped in a silk night robe and holding a cup of tea in my hands, I watched as he ran around the place cleaning it up and getting it ready for us to sleep.

He shoved the bed all the way across the living room, making the mattress lien up with the long window sill. He plopped down all the bed sheets and pillows, kicking things aside as he stood in the middle of it bouncing on it slightly.

"Come on little nugget, lets go find a penis looking thing in the solar system in Taeyeon's ghetto star gazing station."

I walked quietly to him and laid down, he draped a thin blanket over us and rested with his hands behind his head. I checked once more, patting his curled bicep before resting my head lightly on it, my leg tangling with his.

"Mm, you smell good Fany."

I hummed, tracing shapes along his bare torso, feeling the contours of his abs.

"Look, do you see it? To the right. You see that? It's a fucking penis looking thing. Can you believe, in the millions of stars up in the sky, mother nature formed a dick looking thing?"

"No one notices that but you Taetae. It's weird, stop."

"Okay but-"

"Look." I pointed to the left of him a bit, patting his stomach in urgent. "It's the Great Bear constellation. That's you."

"It looks like a fucking deformed toothpick, that looks nothing like a bear and I refuse to look at it."

"Sigh."

He chuckled and gave me a cheeky kiss on the cheek, cuddling close to my neck obnoxiously. "I like you, you smell nice."

"I like you too."

"How much is like Fany, because do you remember when we went to Las Vegas and I made you sit on the roof of the car as I professed my love for you."

"Hm, enlighten me Taetae." I scratched his chin and he snorted, rolling on top of me.

"You asked me how many stars are up there. I told you more than one. You looked like you were going to kill me for the answer, but anyways I went on and told you that that it was endless; there were an endless amount of stars just like my love for you."

I pinched his nose tightly, scrunching up my face from his sappiness. Now that I think about it, he was pretty romantic.

"That's still disgusting till this day."

"You never said it back, and I even told you I loved you."

"Okay but didn't you think it was too fast?"

"That's what Hyung said . . " He trailed off and in that moment he had a hint of sadness but he shook it off and smiled shyly. "But I told myself that if I ant you, I was going to get you. Even if that means professing my large amounts of love to you early in the relationship. You're here now . . so I think I won in the end." He said with a shit eating grin and I covered is face with m hand, pushing him away.

He fell back on the bed and sighed happily.

"I love you Taetae." I said i the warm air, knowing that he'll hear it.

"You do?" He asked all surprised.

I slapped his chest. "You're questioning that now?"

"No, just making sure. I didn't run through hell just to get you Fany. I'm going to ask you every day, to remind myself that yes, you love me and I don't need to worry about losing you because you're mine. Claimed, marked. Taeyeon's." He said proudly and even thumped his chest.

I shook my head and curled up next to him, running my hand along his chest.

 _You're mine too._

He kept turning his head every once in awhile to check up on me, but there was nothing to check. I wasn't looking at the stars, I wasn't looking at the weird gnome carving staring across from us. I kept my eyes at him, admiring his handsome self.

I noticed that beat up wooden box nestled on a small stool beside the mattress. I have a feeling he'll carry it with him everywhere he'll go. Whatever it was inside, it meant a lot to him. I wondered what it was, but I wasn't going to pry. Space, I'll give him space.

My head slightly hurt. Energy from me was drained, and something about taking a shower and then laying in bed with the one you love made it so incredibly easy to fall asleep.

I closed my eyes and I felt him rub my temples slowly, massaging them in a circular way to the point where I just couldn't figure out why that almost made me cry.

"Taetae?" I mumbled, feeling him pat my cheek.

"Go to sleep, you have a headache. I'll take care of you. Your satisfaction is my guarantee or your money back."

He knew, of course he knew. My lips quivered and I opened my yes to meet his gentle ones. I couldn't hold it anymore.

I turned around suddenly and kissed him, he was startled and I felt his hand pushing me slightly but I didn't let up. My lips were pressed against his and then he followed, our lips moving together.

"Taeyeon . . . I'm so sure you're the one." I mumbled, still kissing him in such eagerness. I don't know what came over me but.

"W-What?" He pulled back breathless, scratching the side of his head in confusion.

"Don't leave me, don't ever leave me. Stay with me, as close as you possibly can." I said with tears in my eyes as I wiped them them away with the back of my hand.

"Hey . ." His face started to show worry, and he gently pried my hands off my face. "Don't cry . . what's wrong?"

I smiled through my emotional moment. I was so happy, I found what I was looking for. Through him, he gave me love.

A simple gesture just . . set it off and I felt so light.

"I-I want to be with you . . for as long as I can Taetae. You're the one. I'm so sure of it, I feel so anxious. I think I know how you feel now when you waited for me to say that I loved you."

He slipped something in my hand and I glanced down, my head eating against his shoulder as I choked out more tears.

" _Day 89, babycakes._ " He said with a chuckle, arms cradling me as he got into a more comfortable spot in bed. I placed the blue paper wrapped coin on top of the wooden chest his mother told him to find.

He soothed me, patting my back just letting me cry it out. "There there you big baby, I know I'm great but you don't have to spill an entire ocean on my back."

I smiled, lips curled up against that now wet skin. "Stupid." I muttered.

A funny bear, a lovable bear. Sign me up, I want it all.


	36. In 90 Days

**Kim Taeyeon**

We had to go home the next day, and when I told her she clung onto me for the rest of the day, literally. I felt like a kangaroo, with it's baby in it's pouch. Just hopping around doing stuff. I did everything with her, that included taking a shower with her . . hanging on my back. I brushed my teeth with her on my back. I did the dishes, picked up the bed, swept the floor, mopped it, cleaned the windows and folded all of our clothes neatly back into our carriers with her on my back.

The morning was just a constant bombardment of 'can we stay?' and my answer was always 'no.'

Just as I was loading things in the car and about to unload her off my back, I did a triple check to see if I forgot anything, and when the backseat was empty I tapped Fany's arm and she sulked.

"Where's monkey George?"

She shrugged. I put her on the passenger seat and buckled her seat belt, keeping her there so she wouldn't run out and follow me again while I looked for the fluffy guy. Experience shows that if she doesn't have that stuffed monkey around, she wouldn't sleep, or she'd complain about it till I found the guy.

It was a solid good 20 minutes of searching and I know she deliberately placed him somewhere because when I cam out to ask her where she lat saw him she sighed and said 'if we can't find him, I guess we have to stay here then!'

I found him a minute later stuffed in the deepest darkest corner of the closet, hidden behind some not suspicious looking towels.

I grabbed the fluffy guy and walked back into the car, placing him in the backseat buckling his seat belt too.

"Fany, we're done here, are you ready to go home?" I sighed, hands on my hips awaiting more little mischievous things she'll do.

She rolled her eyes. "No."

I sighed, climbing onto the passengers seat and turning on the engine. She leaned her head against the window and looked so emo and upset. She was always a little whiny, and a sore loser so this was just another one of her 'fuck you Taeyeon' because she didn't get her way.

"You have to go back to work Fany, and plus people are going to ask where you were. Yo wouldn't want them to worry, would you?"

"They can all suck my ass I just want to be with you." She hissed, glaring at me through the rear view mirror.

"You have all my undivided attention for the next I don't know, couple of months till I sort myself out with Jonghyun. I have to hide, and that means staying inside the house waiting for you to come home."

"Okay but . . I want to do that too."

"No, you have a job and you like your job. Don't worry, every time you come home I'll cook you a steak dinner, massage your feet, sprinkle rose petals all over the bed and take a nice hot steamy shower with you. Everyday! After you come home from work of course."

She didn't say anything for the rest of the ride, so I forced her to say something by turning up some horrible country music till she swatted my hand away from the radio button. "I'm going to quit when we get back to the city." She mumbled, still sulking.

"Over my hot, rich, dead body Miyoung."

"Watch me Kim."

"Do it, and I'll be mad at you."

"You're literally never mad at me." She said too confidently.

"Because you're always mad at me Miyoungie! I just sit there, nod and let you nag me, I always say sorry too."

"Okay shut up." She pinched my arm and I was about to knock her out for the rest of the ride.

"Stop! It's dangerous! What if I swerve off the cliff huh?!" I hissed, glaring at her teasingly.

"Then maybe I can spend the rest of my life with you forever without anyone taking you away from me again." She said and her voice suddenly cracked at that.

Obviously, I was alarmed at the sudden seriousness but I didn't know what else to say so I just kind of burped hoping maybe she'd just laugh and talk about maybe something less saddening?

She didn't react as far as I saw, but I did see her eyes become weary.

I slipped my hand from the gear stick into hers resting on her lamp and just held it as I drove, going slower than what I usually drove at.

 _You think too much, Fany._

I guess staying home for the next couple of weeks wasn't too bad, I enjoyed waiting for her to come home. I liked laying around with no worries except feeding the dogs and making sure I didn't make a mess.

Was it weird to transition from my million dollar mansion to Fany's quaint town house that was 1/10th of my house? Yes. Did I miss my plethora of sports car, expensive useless decoration and a fridge stocked full of my favourite unhealthy snacks. Of course, but if it meant that I got to live in some peace with the one I loved coming home to me unharmed then I'll accept in a heartbeat.

My favourite moment? Laying in bed with her after she had a long day and talking about what she did at work. Only because she usually asked me this, and not the other way around. I didn't know how much joy I liked hearing about her tiny complaints and how her day went. I wish I had done it sooner, because she's always taken care of me.

"So you're saying you left your bag of almonds on your desk and some curious kid took it and ate it . . causing him to have an allergic reaction which made you almost want to cry."

"Yes."

"Hey, that sounds like me." I pointed out.

She suddenly sat up and startled me, she sat up really straight and when she does that I know she's going to go on a 6 minute rant being all serious and stuff. "I know! You're stupid! How old were you?!"

"28 . . " I said, relaxing with my hands behind my head, wiggling my toes in the thin sheets.

She pushed my shoulder, trying to get my attention but I just couldn't stop focusing on the hole in the bed sheet. I bet you my pinky toe could fit through it. "That's right, 28 years of age Taeyeon and I asked if you had any allergies just out of curiosity. You said 'of course not!' and then can you tell me what happened next?"

I sighed and rolled over, giving her my undivided attention because she wanted it so much. ". . . Well Ms. Hwang, I, Kim Taeyeon started to reach into your yellow package of peanut M&M's because I thought your small self wouldn't be able to finish that entire your package-which you did, and being the nice person that I am I helped you eat it."

"What happened next little bear?" She asked unamused. I scared her so bad that day, it was great.

I cleared my throat obnoxiously, propped my head against my palm looking at her with a playful smile. "I had an allergic reaction . . my throat was itchy and I had a hard time breathing."

She slapped my chest, probably still angry. "I almost killed you with my bag of peanut M&M's and the entire time you were laughing." She narrowed her eyes at me, pausing before she hit me again. I flinched and covered my head, afraid she'd hit a vital spot.

"It was funny . . come on . . you were yelling at people to get help. I think you even screamed at my business partner if they had an Epipen or something. I've never seen you so serious, angry, worried, anxious and so bossy before all at one time." I couldn't stop giggling and that was enough for her to just push me off the bed.

When I crawled back up to the bed she opened the covers for me, inviting me once again and I scurried in like a dog. "I got scared okay, the little boy was bright, he enjoyed drinking those yogourt tubes just like you. When he stated coughing and crying I got scared, I felt so sorry to him." She whispered, playing with the tips of my hair absentmindedly. She buried her face into my neck sighing.

I patted her head and she sighed, pushing my shoulder making me lay flat as she slumped onto my chest. "That's okay, at the end when you visited him in the hospital he had a smile on his face right?" I mumbled against her forehead.

"Yes, just like you after that peanut fiasco. I'm going to name this one today the almond fiasco."

"Maybe you should teach your new batch of kids what allergies are and who has them you know, just so it won't happen again." I nodded at my own good idea, gotta keep the little kids young and alive.

"Yeah, I should run it through you too. . you know? So I won't have another surprise panic attack finding out you're allergic to like sunlight, leaves, goldfish crackers, cranberries or some stupid wild crap that you didn't know you were deadly allergic to."

"Hey! It's just peanuts . . as far as I know."

"You're my little peanut now, that's a new nickname for you by the way."

"I like my nickname Bear just as it is thank you very much."

She scrunched her face up and touched her nose with mine. "PeanutBear? I think that's cute." She said quietly, looking at me with round eyes.

"Okay but why peanut . . I'm allergic . . "

"Peanuts kind of a cute name. And you're allergic to it so, I will literally never let you forget that you're allergic to peanuts." She said smiling, batting her eyelashes

I face palmed myself in disbelief. "Are you that paranoid?"

"Yes I'm never letting you scare me like that ever again. Now, let me sleep. I'm a tired emotional lady who really needs her sleep." She flipped her hair and reached over to turn the lights off but I grabbed her hand and placed it underneath my shirt.

"Wanna have sex?" I purred, trying to sound as seductive as I could be.

She deadpanned, looking like she was going to slaughter my puny ass. "Fucking choke Taeyeon." She spat, rolling away from me taking the blankets and covering herself from head to toe.

I couldn't stop laughing for 10 minutes or something till she punched my gut blindly.

"Night." I mumbled, hugging her blanket wrapped body tightly, to the point where it annoyed her.

But I couldn't sleep. Not when my chest was hurting. I don't know why it hurt, the doctor's couldn't properly diagnose me and it's getting to me. I started to think, what if it was more than just a discomfort at the chest, what if it was something worse? I feared that I couldn't do some of the things I wanted to do in life if I left early.

It must've been a couple of hours of me shuffling around the bed, restless. I finally sat up on the edge, looking behind me to see if she was still  
asleep, it's not like I wanted to disturb her either. I ruffled my hair in between my hands, sighing a bit too loud. My feet made the hardwood beneath me squeak and the pain started to fizzle out.

A palm held the right side of my waist, the sheets tasselled and I shook my head. "Bear . . what are you doing?" Her voice tired, hoarse.

"My chest is staring to hurt, I'm going to take medicine."

I downed two and drank some water, I felt her fingertips lazily drag around my back and I turned around resuming my spooning position.

She faced my chest, snuggling close to me. "Does it hurt baby?"

"A little."

"Mm."

She slipped her hand underneath my shirt and I got a bit more upset.

"Fany? I have something to tell you."

"And what is that bear?"

"I'm scared." I whispered.

She stared at me, her hand rubbing my chest gently. "Of what?"

"What if I don't get to see you again? What if my chest hurts so much that I-I die. ."

She shook her head and squeezed my hand tightly it was always her signal for me to stop it. "No, don't say that."

I didn't say anything but continued to play with her hair, having too many things in my mind as it was.

"You can't sleep, can you?"

I shook my head. She knew me well, of course she would.

She got up and turned the lamp on as I watched her walk around the room. She picked up a book and monkey George, crawling back onto the bed. I smiled into my pillow, finding the things she do already so . . cute.

She put her pillow against the headboard and rested while sitting up.

She patted her lap and like my body had its mind of its own I moved and placed my head on her lap, watching as she took her book and opened it, the spine of the novel close to my face.

With one hand running through my hair, and the other holding the book she began to read to me in her recognize husky warm voice.

I liked hearing her talk, the way she always sounded so happy and so comforting with her words.

I liked how she did that for me, I can see so clearly she cares for me just through this. I felt bad though, I could never sleep properly. My thoughts would always be too loud, I think too much. I have trouble sleeping, and when I do sleep but wake up again, she'd be there to coax me back to sleep with a couple of stokes to my head.

I liked how only she could do that, any other woman and it doesn't work. It's like she's magic, it's like she _is_ the one.

Just as I was going to drift to sleep, I felt her kiss my forehead, hand brushing my hair back. "I know you want to talk about it Taetae, but how about tomorrow early in the morning? It's not that I don't want you to tell me what's on your mind, but I want you to have a restful sleep, a peaceful one. Sleep through the darkness, and at daylight, we can talk away the bad things."

"I'll be here when you wake up, I promise."

I clutched her hand underneath the bed sheets, got into a more comfortable spot and laid my heavy head on her chest.

I trust you, Fany.

She wasn't lying, we talked about my endless worries during breakfast while she combed my hair back into its place and while I ate my mounds of pancakes.

In the end she kissed my cheek and said comforting thoughts that I needed to  
hear, and honestly. It's ridiculously hard to find someone who will listen, yet provide words that'll lessen the dead weight on my chest.

She was that someone, and it also helped that she was funny cute and pretty too, there's that going on for me.

"Do you want me to drive you to school today?" I mumbled against her palm as she fixed my messy bed hair.

She scratched my chin like I was her puppy and nodded. "I'd like that." The comb in her hand was placed on the table and she bent forward kissing my cheek before patting my shoulder to get me to dress.

I looked behind me once more as she cleaned up my plates but hummed a tune while doing it.

In a busy moment she took the time to comfort me in a way that felt like she truly cared. No rushing, it was just me and her and that was the centre of her spotlight.

I'm really at ease, I could get use to this in the impending days. I knelt down to the two fluffs on the ground going around circles chasing me around. I patted their heads, rolling on the floor with them till they cuddled close to my arms and I cradled their tiny selves.

"Can I marry your mother?" I asked quietly. Princess licked by face, and Prince bit my finger, growling. I still didn't get past Fany's little 4 legged knight, but I'll get there soon.

So, I liked driving her to work. It felt right. Nothing crazy was going to happen. Burned in the back of my mind was just this morning, how her gentle caresses managed to calm me and how she lent me her ear.

"Have a good day at work honey! I'm going to be a stay at home father while you're at work!" I gave her my widest smile and a thumbs up, trying to shoo her away quickly.

"Bye baby, be good!" She beamed, waving at me before she shut the car door and I literally pressed the gas pedal and swerved the hell out of the school parking lot.

I made up my mind. I had to go get ready.

I squinted at the calendar on my phone, making sure I got the right date. Today should be the day, hell it could be any day but I had to make sure it didn't contradict with any other 'special' days.

I had to get groomed at the barbers today, pick up my shirt, wash the car and a bunch of other errands that needed to be run.

But before all of that needed to be done there was one thing I needed to do.

I had a flight to catch.

San Francisco.

The familiar family home with the dock so close to it, I recognized the battered down boat bobbing up and down the water attached to the side with rope. My eyes met the figure tending to his front porch, watering his plants before going back in.

I took a deep breath in, shaking out my jitters hoping it wouldn't be too bad.

I walked up the stairs, myself trembling. My lone finger pressed the doorbell, stepping back and looking at myself in the reflection of the hazy glass pane.

The door opened and I stared at the man who merely flared back at me, closing the door halfway like some sort of 'protection.'

Mr. Hwang.

He was the one who intimated the cops to run after me, he tried to get me arrested, hell he could've even plotted to kill me.

What wouldn't a father do to protect his daughter from someone like me?

I understand his intentions, but it still bothers me to the bone that he tried to get rid of me from his daughters life; well at least tried.

I cleared my throat and bowed slightly, he was going to close the door right in my face but is edged my feet against the crack of the door and pushed it slightly.

"Please listen to what I have to say." I said firmly, he didn't let go of the door but didn't make any further advances to shut it.

My hold on the door knob loosened and I stepped back.

"I know what you did to me and I understand what you did even though you didn't know what happened, who I am exactly and what I did."

He opened the door and stepped on the porch, he got real close to my face and shoved me back. "You almost killed my daughter!"

"I know, but it wasn't intentional. I wouldn't hurt her intentionally, up to this point I've taken care of her."

He slaps me on the face and kicked my shin, making me kneel right in front of him. His arm held my shoulder down and I did what he made me do. I saw how he was getting ready to launch his fist into my face but just before it hit me I held it with both my hands with all my might, staring at his hard eyes.

"Please don't hurt me, I will see Fany in a couple of hours." I whisper, feeling the force of his fist start to lessen.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and stood back. "I told you, I wouldn't let anything happen to her. My feeling was right, you were someone you didn't claim to be. I called the police yes, I launched a private investigator yes, but it was for her own good. There's no one to blame but yourself. You think I want to see my daughter missing running around with a playboy felon who's committed murders? Be realistic, she's a kindergarten teacher-"

"Mr. Hwang I'm-I'm tired! I-I can't do this anymore, I can't run away anymore nor participate in the lifestyle you despised anymore. Tell me right now, when I was locked away in jail and you had full control of your daughter in those vulnerable months, did she call for me? Did she say she still wanted me? Did she want to see me still?"

He closed his eyes and leaned against the wooden pillar, slamming his fist on it. I didn't turn around, just watching the reflection of the glass pane.

"Anything she wanted, I'd give it to her. She wanted you, she still asked for you and still called for you. Those months you were gone I tried to coax her away from you, painted you the bad guy in every thing I could but you know what she said to me?"

"She picked up that damned stuffed monkey named George, hugged it to her chest and whispered 'gentle bear.' I found out, that was your nick name. At night, when she couldn't sleep I thought she was upset at what happened to her with that guy who almost touched her in ungodly places, she was upset you weren't here. She kept calling you 'Taetae' do you realize how I can't take you away from her?"

My heart thumped, knowing how I was still anted yet she pushed me so far away when I was there in front of her. I was still thought of, still yearned for despite thinking that I was going to be long forgotten and abandoned.

"She was the happiest with you. She loves you and I can't do anything to change that." He sighs, rubbing his temples. "I don't think I can get rid of you."

My lips tugged at his last words. I don't think you can get rid of me either.

"She's the best, truly the best. I cant find anyone else like her, I absolutely adore her, I find her extraordinary." I said, my eyes probably looking like they're sparkling.

He scoffed. "You two are inseparable, I realized that when she was crying on my shoulder about learning your jail time."

He looked at me with a raised brow. It was a moment of long silence and I gave him a smile.

"I came here to ask for you blessing. I want to marry your daughter Mr. Hwang." I said steadily, making sure I sounded I was sure because I was.

He clenched his jaw and I was ready for him to say no, I was ready to stay here, beg him and make him know that my decision has been firm. Blessing, or not I want to marry her. I will marry her.

I sighed. "I just want to start a family, I want to be happy Mr. Hwang." I closed my eyes when he didn't say anything.

"Please promise me you'll take care of her, keep her happy. I can't lose her, not like I did with her mother."

"I will, trust in me. B-But will you come to our wedding? You know, be there for your daughter?"

No chance in expression but he looked at me sadly. "I give you my blessing on one condition."

"What will it be?" I asked cautiously.

"When I pass away, don't let her stay at my grave for more than an hour." He said in a monotone voice. There was no change in pitch and I had so many thoughts create from that.

"What?"

"Accept the condition and go."

"I-I, Mr. Hwang. What-"

He glared at me, and I nodded furiously knowing that I could lose my chance. I shook his hand, giving him my deepest bow before scurrying off his porch practically skipping.

"I won't disappoint General Hwang! I love her to bits and enjoy her company, and soon I hope you'll love me to bits and enjoy my company too!" I shouted at the top of my lungs.

Holy shit, I got his blessing.

I skipped back to the streets, looking both ways before crossing the busy roadway to hail a taxi to go home quickly. My smile? The widest it has been since the early morning when I dropped Fany off.

Flying back from San Francisco in two hours on the plane gave me time to think. First, I got the okay sign from him. Barely. Secondly, I wanted to give her a taste of 'normal.' Something she has requested, it was simple and it can be done. At this moment, it's doable.

So with the time ticking down to 5 o'clock and back to back 2 hour flights, I got myself groomed and in a semi formal attire. I kept glancing at my watch, touching the box on the passenger side and the bouquet of earth goodness.

I parked my car behind the school, knowing she'll walk home since it was a nice and sunny day. I gestured for the delivery man to play along with my little scheme and he stood in the corner awkwardly waiting for my cue.

When my little button walked out the front doors of the school I threw a stick at the delivery man, whistling lowly to get him to play his part.

I hid behind a shrub, watching as the delivery man looked behind me. I shooed him away and tried to squeeze myself behind the green shrubbery.

"Flowers, for Ms. Hwang?"

She stopped in her tracks and smiled warmly to the deliveryman, giving her famous little 90 degree bow and accepted it, taking the white card off the bouquet as I squatted here biting on my fingers.

 _Miyoung,_

 _Date tonight with little bear, wear something pretty :)_

 _\- Taeyeon_

She cracked a smile, a really big one to the point where her pair of crescents decided to show. Now, I felt warm.

What a cute smiley little baby, plus her hair looked gorgeous in the lighting.

"Delivery, for Ms. Hwang . . again."

She looked up confused and accepted the big blue box with a ribbon on top. She shook her head, knowing it was from me.

She placed it down on the bench and opened it and my calves were burning from all the squatting and hiding.

She pulled apart the ribbon and opened the lid, I even heard her small gasp. She took the pink dress out and started to squeal, looking around her before jumping up and down in excitement.

Thank god she liked it.

I stood up and patted my trousers down, making sure my shoelaces were tied and my dress shirt wasn't too crumpled.

"Psst." I said, hiding behind a lamp pole immediately.

She turned around and I heard the clicks of the heels on the pavement. I held my breath, afraid she'd see me. But I peeked out of the pole and she turned around putting things away.

"Psst." I repeated, taking a couple of steps closer before hiding behind a trash can.

"Hello?" She said quietly.

I let the silence pass by till I walked extremely quiet to her, tip toeing as I stood right behind her.

"Psst." I whispered in her ear, he jolted and shrieked, screaming, yelling and punching me right in the gut.

"Ow."

"Taetae!" She wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face into my chest, not caring we were in public.

"Hi love, I came to pick you up for our date, not get holes punched into me by you."

She looked up and rested her chin on my chest, asking for a kiss. We rocked back and forth, just standing in front entrance of the school.

"Uncle Taetae! Yucky!" The girlish voice came to me loud. I knew exactly who it was and I pulled back a bit embarrassed.

I glanced up from Fany, waving a goodbye to little Anna, who ran away to the playground with a group of friends. That little booger is going to get it one day.

My hand patted Fany's back, running my fingers through the tips of her silky brown hair.

"Thank you for the gifts, I liked it."

"I didn't know what flowers you liked so I asked the Ahjussi to give me one of each flower. It's a safe bet because you have to like at least one of them right?"

She giggled and nodded. "I like your shirt Taetae." Her fingers played with the buttons and unbuttoned the top one, and then the second one till I held her finger and bit on it.

"It's pink, of course you like it. Come on now, I want to hold hands with a pretty girl like you." I kissed the top of her head and glared at any on goers that looked at us.

She pulled away but held my hand as I stood in place watching her gather up her items, she handed me the box with her dress and shouldered her bag before waving the flowers in front of me and smiled. "You're so cute sometimes. I like this part of you."

I beamed a cheeky smile at her which prompted some squeals and cheek pinching from her.

I looked around, making sure no one was looking because it was slightly embarrassing.

We walked home together and I laid in bed playing on my phone waiting for her to shower and get dressed, as soon as the door clicked I placed my phone down and leaned my face on my hand laying there seductively with my legs crossed.

"Ooo." She purred, giving me a wink.

Instead of purring back I roared an she didn't expect that.

"You suck at being sexy." She threw her towel at me and instructed I kept it covering my eyes and I sighed.

"Welp. That's a problem we can fix later. I'm hungry, so we have to fix this now." I mumbled, trying to take a peek but her spidey senses knew and she threw something else at me.

"Fany, hurry up you take forever-ever-ever-ever-ever-ever-" I kept whining to the point Prince was howling with me too.

"Okay I get it shut up." She muttered. I got so impatient, I kicked my feet on the bed, squirming.

"So can you hurry up?" I whined. She didn't reply so I continued with my endless babble. "Are you done changing yet? Why do you have to hide from me? I've seen you butt naked before and-"

She turned around. "How do I look?"

"Whoa." I thought my eyes twinkled. I didn't notice that she walked over to me. She pushed my chin up and I closed my mouth, rolling out of bed getting ready to head out. I tried so hard not to look again because if I did I wouldn't be able to control myself.

She trailed behind me, tucking my shirt into my pants and smoothing the wrinkles.

She sighed and shouldered her bag, opening the door too but I turned around and walked backwards, keeping my eyes on her just because she looked so damn good. Guess I stared too long and God had other plans for me because I started to stumble and fall flat on the stairs, rolling down just a bit with the loudest thump.

Ow.

". . . Are you okay?" She asked worriedly.

"Y-You." I choked out still gawking at her while I got up limping and patting down my attire.

"Taeyeon? Did you break a bone . . how did you even trip."

"Let's not go out anymore." I stood back up, grabbing her arm and pushing her in the room.

"What?! Why! I did not get ready all this time just for you to cancel on me."

"Get in the room honeypig." I mumbled, trying to push her in and close the door but she latched onto the railing and kicked at me.

"Taeyeon!"

"Sex? Sex! You look hot!"

". . ." She walked past me and I heard the door car shut.

I sighed, but that's no problem. I'll figure out how to get some later.

"Where are we going?" She asks as I get into the drivers seat.

"A place you'll like."

"Disneyland?"

"Fany."

"Okay, Okay." She pulled the mirror down and started applying make up in front of me, I asked her why she didn't do that earlier at  
Home and she slapped my thigh stupid hard.

"Weren't you the one moments ago telling me to hurry up? I didn't even wear my dress yet."

"Oh." Right, haha.

She was pretty occupied getting herself  
dolled up but I expressed my opinion saying she's as beautiful as a makeup less whale. I've never felt my ears twisted in such an angle before.

I pulled up into the parking spot and she placed her hand on mine. "You're kidding." She muttered under her breath, still staring at the front of her.

"Well, I said it's a place you'll like. Am I wrong."

". . ."

"I know, I know but it'll be fun! I'll even buy you a happy meal and we can play in the play pen!" I tried to reassure her with a good pat on the back and a nudge.

"We are not. No. We are not going in a kids play pen."

I didn't expect a yes anyways.

"Fine, fine. Eat in or take out?"

"Take out, dear god take out Taetae."

I went in and came back out holding the famous paper brown bag with golden arches on it. I climbed into the seat and plopped the big bag in her lap, even the red box Happy Meal too.

She opened the Happy Meal and she sighed out laughing, shaking her head as I laughed too.

I drove us to our date place, telling her to keep off the nuggets and stuff because it's meant as our dinner for our date night but she pretty much growled at me like a tiger in cage, occasionally swatting my hand away when I tried to get her to stop.

"Sheesh, you eat so much. It's like non stop vacuum, you inhale your food Fany."

"Can you blame me?"

"Not really, eat all you want. I like it when you're well fed. It makes my job easier and your mom won't haunt me. I'm absolutely terrified of superstitious things, like your mom could possibly flicker the bedroom lights and I'd run out with my legs trembling. Oh goodness."

"Like, if you take weird and multiply it by the power of 60, you're that weird."

"So that's a lot of weird. I'm very weird, I'm lots of weird. Got it."

"I can't believe I love you."

"I can."

Smooth. I'm smooth, when she picked up what I had just said a second ago he started going all red, blushing an shying away from me.

Hah.

"So where are we going again?"

"A place you'll like."

"That's what you said last time and we ended up in McDonald's." She groaned.

"Okay but this is a place you'll actually like trust."

She jutted her lips out and looked skeptical but ate a nugget. I let her eat only one as compensation.

When we stopped only a minute later she clutched her bag of food, not expecting us to stop after talking about where we'd go.

"Santa Monica Pier?"

"Yup, the place you said you felt that you loved me." I said so proudly.

"Wow, you remember?"

"Fany!"

"I'm sorry! I'm just saying!"

I got out of the car with my fast food in my arms, circling around my squeaky clean vehicle to open the door for my lady, bowing as I escorted her out of the car. I even got a little peck on the cheek as a reward. A true gentlebear, as she would say.

I held her pretty hand, my walk had some sort of a 'pep' into it and I was pretty excited. She saw it too and shook her head asking me what I was so happy about. I cleaned the marble like seat off with my handkerchief, gesturing her to sit.

"We haven't been on a date in so long, the last time we had one was when I made salty sandwiches for you." I answered, pulling out all the food and arranging it nicely on the bench.

"Okay but Taeyeon . . you almost brought me to McDonald's to have our date. We're eating fast food on a park bench." She laughed, but I wasn't really laughing with her.

I stared at her with a blank face. "Do you want like . . the fancy stuff? I mean . . we can do a full 180 and go the other way if you're not happy . . " I said a bit disappointed.

"I'm just teasing you baby, don't look so glum." She pinched my nose but I couldn't help but think is our date too simple.

I still looked at her with a strange face and she sighed, her face written with guilt.

"Taeyeon, we could be watching Netflix with a bowl of off brand potato chips between the two of us and I'd still call it a date that I'd still cherish. I thought you knew?"

I shrugged. "I thought I knew you too . . so was I right? You prefer just little small things rather than big extravagant things?" Please tell me this date was correct. I'd hate to be wrong.

She nodded, wiping the corner of my mouth with a napkin. "I'd love to eat chicken nuggets with you in my pretty pink dress and with you all groomed up like a handsome man." Fany patted my cheek and fed me some fries to get me to shut up from my endless rambles.

"You really don't mind?"

"Sigh. I teased you too much didn't I, hm?"

"I'm sorry I'm a party pooper." I engulfed my sandwich and took a sip of soda a bit too loudly.

"Do you remember the first time you took me on your boat, you fed me dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets? I had a lot of fun then just sitting and talking with you, and I'm enjoying my time with you now, because it's just the two of us."

"You promise?" I muttered, holding my pinky finger out slightly.

She starts laughing and hooked her finger with mine. "I haven't lied to you since we've begun dating." Now that I think about it she hasn't.

"Do you want me to feed you chicken nuggets? Do you fancy that type of pampering?"

"Oh yes, please my little bear. Feed me two chicken nuggets with french fries sandwiched in between. Don't forget the BBQ sauce too."

We sat there eating chatting quietly till I saw the bike cart pass by me with it's balloons drifting from it's back.

I ran to the cart, digging into my pockets for some loose change and when I pulled up with a few random buttons, paperclips, receipts and some lint I gave him the dollar. I pointed at the pink ones and he looked at me with disgust, pocketing the gross change I handed him.

When the clown I hobbled over back to Fany who leaned against the railing staring at me with amusement.

"You have to hold this, or else I won't be able to find you." I handed the bouquet of pink blown sacs of air.

"Really . . this again?"

I looked up at the 5 floating pink balls and I thought it was a bit too much. So I grabbed 4, and popped them all in front of Fany who only blinked. "There, now it's low key, and it's the only pink one in the pier.

"Taeyeon . . I'm like . . 27."

"I don't care. Give me your finger so I can tie it on or I'm pushing you into the sea."

"Wow, what a gentleman." She rolled her eyes and extended her hand out, wiggling her fingers daintily.

I tied the string on her finger, letting it go when I thought it was well secured. I liked my work when I saw the obnoxious colour floating around in the air. Now, I can never lose her.

"You are so . . extra."

"Can you blame me?"

"Okay well, no but-"

"No buts. Shh. Let's go." I held her hand and directed her to the seawall, wanting to take her on a quiet walk. When we got there I surveyed the beach, there wasn't anyone there yet and the timing was perfect the sun had set somewhat, making it a bit dark but there were still lights dotted around the shore so it was semi lit.

"Hi, my name is Taeyeon and I enjoy romantic walks by the beach."

She bursted out laughing, shoving my shoulder gently. I reached my hand out and she took it instantly, not even questioning it as we walked down the stone stairs down to the beach.

As soon as my heels dug into the and I knelt down to roll my trousers up, taking off my dress shoes and hooking them on my two fingers as I held her hand with the other.

Naturally, like the clumsy puppy she is, she never walked straight. Always bumping into me making me go closer and closer to the washing waves. My feet went into damp sand and the waves occasionally washed by before being pulled back, and I couldn't think straight anymore.

Somehow, it felt good. It always felt good to be by the ocean that created many memories, the place where my mother loved being, the place Fany found me when I was so lost. The feeling was stronger tonight and I figured out why for once; her.

I glanced slightly to the corner of my eye, seeing her beautiful complexion slightly lit up by the burning wood pots dotted around the walls of the beach. I loved how her eyes still managed to show a hint of purity in them despite all she's been through, I loved her slight smile, her positivity that still oozed no matter what situation we were in.

I've fallen in love.

"Taeyeon-ah, your palm."

"What about it?"

"It's sweaty." She laughed, squeezing my hand.

I stopped in my spot and wanted to sink in a hole. "Sigh."

"I find it kind of cute." She confessed, hiding her face into my shoulder.

"Uh, sorry?"

"Your hands don't get like this . . unless you're with me."

Well shit, I guess my secret is exposed.

I shrugged. "I'm just trying to hold hands with-"

"a pretty girl like you." She finished and I looked at her in disbelief before breaking into a fit of laughter.

"Taetae, you say it so many times to me that I remember the entire phrase now"

I shook my head, looking to the sky thinking where did I land such a good catch? So many fish in the sea yet it had to be miraculously her.

"I'm lucky to have found you, really." I mumbled, and she heard it.

I brought our clasped hands up and kissed her hand, rubbing the back of it with my thumb. She looked at me with loving eyes and we kept walking along the length of the beach with our feet submerged in the water occasionally.

We reached the end in quietness, but I was smiling from ear to ear, I didn't know what else to say. She shook her other hand and pulled on the string, letting the balloon go and I was about to yell at her for doing such thing but she looked at it as it drifted up into the sky.

"It's cute, look at it." She pointed out, eyes looking fuller under dark blue sky. So pretty, still so full of innocence.

I gave her a peck on the cheek and she shied away into my shoulder, covering my eyes with her hand. I peeked between her fingers and saw her smiling at me, her eyes crescents like the moon. I kissed her palm and laced it with my hand again.

Well, there was no chance of losing her if I held her hand all night. Which I happily am enjoying now.

 _I held hands with a pretty girl that was her._

We walked back up, and she leaned up me as I knelt down to dust her feetsies off and help her slip her heels back on. I got up and accidental bonked heads with her but she grabbed me by the chin and kissed me, long and deep and when she pulled away her eyes fluttered open and started to walk ahead of me.

I gulped, tucking my dress shirt in and jogging to catch up to her place.

Mysterious Hwang tonight, Alluring Hwang.

We were such a quiet couple all of a sudden from that walk on the beach but it wasn't the awkward type of quiet. There was just something I had to say to her, yet I couldn't gather enough of my tiny selves to do it.

We walked along the seawall, my hands in my pocket as she started to rub her arms up and down and being the caring bear that I am and an observant one having watched so many chick flick with her, I took my jacket off her and draped it on her shoulder.

I didn't even dare look beside me. I was shy enough as is. I walked quickly to the only alleyway that had stores lined up along it, opening the glass door and hearing the familiar two tone chimes.

"Can I get one mint chocolate chip in a cup and two scoops of chocolate on a cone?"

The ice cream man nodded and I waited in my spot, looking around me when Fany wasn't beside me.

I found her looking through the shop's big window, looking so pretty in that pink sundress. Of course she looked pretty in it, because I picked it out for her and made her wear it.

She pulled the jacket closed, her face buried into it and through the reflection of the glass pane she smiled at nothing. My wild guess, was the jacket I so handsomely, so smoothly and so nobly gave her. I think I couldn't wipe that smile off my face till the ice cream man called me up for my order.

With the treats in my hand my nervousness started to to sky rocket through the roof. Every step increased it by a ten fold and when I stood behind her I nudged her heels with my foot, to occupied with things in my hand to get her attention fully.

She turned around and smiled, taking her cup of ice cream from my hands, giving me a peck on the cheek and I had no idea why that made my heart beat just a tad beat faster.

"Fany?" I asked quietly, she answered with a hum turning her head slightly. I extended my hand out, glancing up a bit too shy for my own liking. "Can I hold your hand?" I whispered, and just before she touched me I wiped my hand on my trousers roughly. Sweaty palms will be the bane of my existence.

"Why do you even ask?" She laughed, her small slim soft hand slipped into mine, clasping with mine.

I didn't reply to her question, just enjoying her presence and closeness by me as we walked along the boardwalk, looking in every other direction other than each other. Our hands swung slightly, and I did' know if it was from me or her, but I liked it.

I felt young, like I was on a date with a pretty girl that I Liked. A lot.

I was living.

"You never walk in a straight line, stop bumping into me." I said, slashing the thin quietness between us.

"Sorry, habit of mine." She whined, bumping into me even more to prove a point.

"Loser." I teased, glancing at her when she gave me a smug smile. I licked my ice cream, pretending I didn't see that. Her hold on me instinctively got tighter and when I figured out why I gulped.

We reached the end of the boardwalk. The place she asked me to take a photo with her.

This place she told me she realized she loved me. This very place where I had the photo of us taken, the one where she kissed me on the cheek. I framed it and kept it by my bedside, she never really knew till she came to my house.

That same one she broke into pieces and the one I mended back together.

Somehow, the hold on her hand loosened and we no longer held hands, but we somehow walked together to the bench in the middle of the pier.

We sat close, but not too close. Our knees weren't touching but we sat in a slight angle, like a 45 degree angle away from each other. There was enough space for someone else to squeeze in so I looked behind me, checking to see if the bag was still there like I had told Jonghyun to put.

I pulled little monkey George out of the bag and placed him in between me and Fany. She didn't seem to notice, probably to occupied by the Pacific Park's view in the distance.

My hand reached behind me, digging into the bag for the wooden box. My finger glided over the top, feeling the bumps and dents from all the years it's been buried underneath that apple tree.

I gulped, my fingers hooking onto the back and catching onto it. I placed the box on monkey George's lap, patting his stuffed fluffy head and adjusting his pink little bow tie.

I patted down my shirt, fiddling with the buttons just waiting for her to see it.

I had no idea why we weren't saying anything, we were awfully both quiet tonight. It took 10 minutes for her before she moved a hair or something. She didn't notice anything yet so I nudged her with a shy knuckle to her knee.

"Fany?" I whispered just above the whips of the summer breeze.

"Yeah Taetae?"

I pulled on her fingers that were in her lap, pulling them towards me till she touched the fluffy head of George.

I gulped and let go, and she turned her body to face me a smidge, knitting her brows when she saw her beloved stuffed animal beside her. "Taetae?"

Her hand patted the little guy's head, hand moving down to his lap and stopped. It hovered above the wooden box that was once my mothers, she had asked what was inside it but I couldn't tell her. At least not then.

I kept it a secret, it remained so precious to me.

"Taetae? What's in the box?"

"Open it."

"Can I?"

I nodded, watching her as she gently picked it up, cupping it in her hands before touching the broken lock. She grasped the small iron handle and lifted it up, the lid opening and there sat the dingy velvet box that got my heart in a complete utter mess.

"It's been 90 _good_ days." Times up.

I gulped the lump in my throat. "For 90 days, I'll give you a coin. During those 3 months I'll make you fall in love with me. If I succeed, I'll take the coins and buy rings and we'll marry. If I don't, we use it to buy us a pair of drinks and never see each other again." I whispered at the end, I don't want to say goodbye.

I heard her small gasp, and she ran her finger over the top of the velvet box. She picked it up and held it up, and I couldn't look up to her, instead I cupped her hand and opened the lid. I watched in her eyes the reflection of the twinkling ring. It reflected so perfectly in her eyes like how I saw it so many years ago on my mother's hand.

"Marry me."

Her smile faded and it took away mine too. I panicked, the small little Taeyeon's in my head were running around in circles on fire, screaming.

Am I not enough? Everything we did together, was it not enough to convince you? Do you not see us in the future?

I unconsciously let go of my trousers I had balled up in my fist and grabbed the velvet box from her hand.

I knelt down in front of her, looking straight at her.

 _I'll confess, I'll tell you why I want to marry you._

"I want to love you for a long time, I want to take care of you and make you smile from ear to ear. I want to be the person you come home to and greet, the person you say goodnight to and kiss, and the last thing you see when you fall asleep."

I took a deep breath in, steading my trembling hand.

"I like the way you shove food into your mouth in one side and look like a baby chipmunk,and when you're thinking hard or focused on eating your snacks you have that concerned face going on. I like the way you clap your hands when you laugh like a seal, I like the way when you smile you look like you have no eyes. I like the way you're selfless and humble, your hearts made out of gold and the kindness in you exists in it's purest form."

"I-I've fallen in love with the way you make me happy." I whisper, I felt like tearing up. I stare at her full on and she her expression was soft, I couldn't make out what the other part of her felt and it was killing me. I had to know. I wanted to figure out but in the crucial short moment I had no time.

My knee hurt, my voice sounded hoarse and I was sweating. But my eyes locked onto hers and I was praying leading up to this moment I had done some things right and she'd say yes. Once I saw that look in her eye a minute ago, I had a feeling things would go south so I just said what I was on my mind, a blab of words just poured out and maybe it could've saved this proposal.

"Taeyeon . ." She said in that familiar voice, the soft one that I didn't want to hear. It sounded so _bad._

 _No? You don't want to marry me?_

I felt the rejection just coming onto me, like it was me standing in the middle of the lights watching as a truck was coming straight for me as I stared at it's headlights.

I was about to stand back up, gripping the box in my hand. I wanted to run, go away and never come back.

Run, go a far as you can and don't look back.

I saw her arm reach out. It stopped me from getting up. Her trembling lips and the touch of her hand on mine almost made me drop the ring, but her hand touched my chin, making me look up to her and she kissed me.

I think I just . . stopped functioning. Breathing? I don't even know if I did that.

"Yes, I'll marry you." She mumbled against my lips before pulling back and pressing her forehead against mine.

I let out a sigh of relief and watched as she giggled at my response. She combed my hair back with her fingertips, sighing too. I looked down and pulled her hand away from my neck, smiling widely with wet eyes as I slid the ring on hers with my trembling fingers.

"It's pink." She said happily, showing off her pretty fingers.

"The ring being pink was a pure coincidence, the fact that it was my mothers made it even more precious." I pulled away from her but she pulled me back in with her hand on the back of my neck. I wasn't allowed to be so far apart from her and I happily allowed to be held under her gaze.

"Breathe baby, I wasn't going to say no. I was just a little shocked thats all. I didn't think our 90 days would be over so soon." She cooed, looking at me in amusement.

"You seemed hesitent, you stopped smiling and I thought maybe I shoudn't have asked you. Were you even ready? What if you weren't ready and I kind of just put you in an awkward situation. What were you thinking for so long? W-W-"

She put a finger on my lips and frowned and I didn't have the guts to say more. I was out of breathe already, all that nervousness all that waiting and then I just kind of bluted out all my words in a long sentence without breathing. Man, I'd probably faint. "Sorry, I'm a little expressive with my face . . it was all good things I promise. Stop overthinking, it's not good for your hair or your breathing, and your heart." I was going to say something with my big mouth but instead she just kisses me gently.

"F-Fany, you'll marry me right? You'll be me wife?" I whispered.

"This ring says it all Peanutbear." She said cutely, kissing me once more on my lips. "I'll marry you."

Really? I thought in my head but she broke out into those crescent smiles and nodded. "Really." She said, and it was like she read mymind.

I couldn't push anything out, but I knew she knows that I'm happy.

"Can we go make love now? Is that a thing? Do engaged couples go home and like make tons of love on the bed after?" I blurted out.

"Hmm, maybe I don't know." She said, with a playful smile.

"We can make it a thing?" I whined, hating how she's teasing me

"Oh you just have to jump on every chance you get don't you Taetae?"

"I just want to get a head start on things . . maybe our own baby too?"

She shook her head and stood up, lacing her hand with mine and we started walking back from the pier.

I glanced at the glistening ring on her finger. Mine, shes claimed now.

Like the first day I saw her, her smile consisted of the purest form of innocence that I couldn't find in her the first day I met now. That uncertainty was long gone, that mysterious aura that once hung around in her eyes was non existent.

I felt it, I could see it.

I started our story, and this is where I want to close this chapter of our lives and start on a completely blank slate, one consisting of me and her now.

I'm lucky. Finding her in that business gala dinner sitting alone in that table with the pretty white dress of hers was just my luck.

"I win Fany."

"Win what?"

"I won you." I said with a cheeky smile.

She punched my gut, it hurt so bad but it was so worth it.

I pulled her into my hug, wrapping my arms around her. "I love you, Miyoungie."

She scoffed in my chest, wrapping her arms around my waist. "I lwave ywo two TweTaw."

"Sorry?"

She unburried herself from my chest and rested her chin on me, looking up at me with full round eyes. "I love you too."

 ** _The End_**


	37. Epilogue

**Stephanie Hwang**

If a ring and a certificate plus the new status and honorifics make you feel at ease about the love I have for you, then I'll say yes to marrying you.

I've told you it doesn't change my love for you. It never will, but it wouldn't hurt to just let you have peace.

The moment I opened that wooden box and saw the velvet one inside, I knew time was up.

 _"For 90 days, I'll give you a coin. During those 3 months I'll make you fall in love with me. If I succeed, I'll take the coins and buy rings and we'll marry. If I don't, we use it to buy us a pair of drinks and never see each other again."_

My answer? It could've been either a farewell or created a forever.

Still, you ended up kneeling in front of me ring in hand just glimmering at me trying let itself be known, but all I saw was you in that, I saw us.

You gave me a a Disney princess film proposal, one that I always dreamt of.

You didn't need to, but you did because of me.

Marriage, that's a long time. It's what my parents could've had, yours too.

Truthfully, the moment I was silence it hurt you, I know it did. Your expression said it all, and I'm sorry I could've have answered it sooner but I had to just . . confirm.

We've been through so much, it's a miracle we're still here now.

I thought in the future could I handle another one of the dramatic scenes that happened to the both of us on a daily basis. Could I let myself be hurt again, am I resilient enough to stand back up after being knocked back down.

I know I could, I wouldn't allow myself to fall down easily like that, but even in my darkest and most vulnerable moments you _were_ there to catch me. I believe that if this happened again, you'll be there arms out ready for me t fall once more before you caught me and stood me back up on my feet.

I asked myself, could I trust you? Would you still be my lover as days go on?

What if you found someone else? Cheated on me? Left me?

Most importantly, would you still be here, alive, walking, talking, laughing, loving? It didn't have to be with me, but would you?

You scared me when you decided that you wanted to leave Taeyeon-ah, that night where everything kind of just unfolded and you hurt yourself because you thought too much, no one was there to listen to your lonely heart.

No one should go through that, especially you.

As those important seconds ticked by, I was reminded of all the good things you've done for me and my doubts and the bad was pressed down to a corner, deep down till it suddenly vanished. Gone.

I trust you, in my heart for sure I trusted you. I want you. Lover? I want to be yours, I want you to be mine.

Husband, I'll marry you. The father of my child, you can be that.

But did you notice that when I stopped you from running away from me in hurt,, I slipped my fingers in your palm, feeling the ocean that was practically pooled there.

It was your little quirk, it happens only when you're with me.

So I stopped you, slipping my hand fully in yours and tilted your chin so I could kiss you.

I pulled away from the moments of bliss, hearing nothing but the ocean waves slap against the rock, nothing but the birds fly by us calling out.

You were here, with me. You looked at ease when I smiled back at you, when I gave you the little nod. I can saw it in you Taeyeon, you won the fight you worked so hard to win.

I said yes. I'll marry you. I promised.

You were wonderful. Those 90 days you happened to write down and give to me in a precious little blue bundle were placed neatly in a tin box that I kept safely.

Thank you.

Actually, I want to confess something to you.

Your little blurted out mess of words inspired my own.

I've like the way you mumble stupid things in your sleep, I've like the way you stare blankly at people who are doing stupid things, I've like the way you still act like a little kid, the way you eat unhealthy snacks in the middle of the night. I've like the way you can be so innocently dumb sometimes. I've like how you put others first, you're courageous, strong and caring. I've like how you're a quiet little hermit, but can be loud if need be. I love the way you sit back and watch over me but come step in when I need you.

To you, I want to be the one you can lean on, the one you talk to. This is so important to you, and I want to be that special person who is able to provide all of that to you.

Will you let me? Will you continue to open up to me?

Then, when you held me after you asked me to be your partner in crime, your wife, I heard the racing heart of yours. It went so fast, too fast. I smiled against your cotton dress shirt, smelling your perfume that you used for our first date.

I felt your back, the strong taut back I loved to stare at every time you get up from sleeping. You kissed me on the forehead then and I placed my hands on your chest, wondering what you wanted to do but you started to pull away from me but I held you by the neck and stopped you from doing so.

Your gentle eyes, the caring ones. You brows perked up, wondering what made me do that, but I shook my head letting you know that it wasn't anything.

I just didn't want you to go too far, at least not yet after you confessed.

A look can say so much, and promise you Taeyeon I'll take care of you too, love you as much as you love me, make you laugh like an old lady, be beside you when you decide to be a home fairy and lay around doing nothing but play with our puppies.

Would you like that Taetae? Can I accompany you?

To me, our relationship was built on promises. Most of them were kept, some bent, and some broken then mended.

It was so hard Taetae, going form Nichkhun, to Siwon and then to you? You gave me something those two didn't. I found it with you.

Love? You taught me that baby.

Love. I found that with you.

 _Taeyeon-ah, I love you._

When you started to wiggle your nose and randomly started to recite the numbers for Pi and then return to sleep, it startled me. I laughed, trying to stifle my giggles as I watched you snooze quietly in front of me, hair a mess and chest rising and falling in a rhythmic pattern.

You asked _,"Can we go make love now? Is that a thing? Do engaged couples go home and like make tons of love on the bed after?"_ You blurted out with a goofy dimpled smile then.

So here we were now, just hours after your heartfelt proposal in our bed tangled in sheets, you had a gentle arm draped around my waist.

I touched your sleeping face, feeling your soft skin underneath my fingertips loving how it felt.

Are you tired baby? You seem tired. The good type of tired.

My ring finger dazzled with the pink antique diamond, the one you so gracious guarded with you for awhile, the ring that should've gave you closure since day 1 from mom.

My hand trailed down to your mouth, touching the spot where your dimpled would've been if you smiled like a cheeky little bear. Then the jawline that I stroked lightly as to not wake you up. You've always liked it when I did this, but my favourite thing about you, or _us_ was my ability to make you just . . stop for awhile with my hand on your ear. Rubbing that favourite spot of yours, you tend to lean against my hand closing your eyes just enjoying.

 _Your cute dumbo ears._

I went further down, tracing your collarbones and then into the middle of your chest between your muscles. I came closer to you, lips just barely grazing over your skin. I bit the soft yet firm flesh that was your pec and watched you squirm and jolt awake, quickly I kissed you to make you less upset at me, rubbing the area I had hurt slightly with my fingers.

You frowned, turning your head to the side before blindly swatting the air away, you opened your eyes with a confused look on your face before you grinned lazily.

"Hey, you." I whispered, afraid I'd be too loud.

"Hi." You mumbled into the pillow, smiling at me drowsily.

I came closer to you, wrapping myself around you again. Our bare bodies were so close, you were so warm.

I rubbed the back of your head, letting my fingers just get lost into your bed of silky hair. You closed your eyes, pressing your forehead against mine as you hummed.

I could get used to this for a long time. Waking up to you, or being with you? Yeah, I can see that.

I kissed the corner of your lip, letting you enjoy a gentle morning wake up. "I love you Taetae." I said mindlessly, it came out so natural but it felt so much better saying that that it did before.

At the sound of that, you buried yourself into my chest tightly. You had a hand stroking my back, and I didn't know what comfort was back then, but I know now and it was that.

"I lwave ywo two Mwiyounwie." You had comically tried to say.

"Hm?" I laughed, brushing your hair back to reveal your tired eyes making you tilt your head back.

You unburied yourself from my chest, resting your chin on me, looking up at me with sincere eyes. "I love you too Miyoungie." Those words, in a hoarse husky voice. The purest it can get, the realest words I will ever hear from you.

It wasn't till you lifted your big head from hiding you looked at me with a tilted head.

"I vow to." You whispered.


End file.
